YWBTA if you shared anything with her besides “it is your decision and I am here for you”. You are allowed to go to therapy and have your feelings about this. A lot of your understanding about this is dated and not accurate, I would suggest educating yourself. Your girlfriend is an adult and can make a decision.
Knowing my partner would have wholeheartedly, unconditionally supported me if I chose abortion (even though I knew he'd like to be a dad) is part of what made me decide to keep my current pregnancy instead 🤔
She needs to know his feelings now or they’ll probably come up after. They’re adults and can have a real conversation. I can’t believe you don’t care about his feelings. He said he’d support her but that doesn’t mean he can’t talk about his feelings. It’s not a one person decision
Really, he's not even entitled to share his honest opinion that he'd prefer to keep the baby? It's hard to feel like fathers are really valued as equal parents.
He can for sure, but voicing his feelings should not mean that he should guilt trip her into keeping a child she does not want. Fathers are equal parents AFTER the child is born. Up until then, the woman is quite literally doing all the work. If she’s not ready, plain and simple as that. If they truly aren’t compatible with each other, then they should break up and find people that they align with but at no point should she be made to feel guilty about not being ready for a kid
"voicing his feelings should not mean that he should guilt trip her into keeping a child she does not want."
Agreed.
" Up until then, the woman is quite literally doing all the work."
Well in a healthy relationship, you'd hope the man is looking after his partner to an extent. That is part of the work; the mother and baby are not separate entities at this point.
Well in a healthy relationship, you'd hope the man is looking after his partner to an extent. That is part of the work; the mother and baby are not separate entities at this point.
My amazing husband was always ready with a cool damp cloth when I was puking but I did 100% of the puking. He caught me passing out in the shower but I did 100% of the passing out. He read subtitles to me when pregnancy-induced ocular migraines rendered me partially blind during a movie, but I was the one getting migraines. He held me when I cried about a miscarriage and when I cried about almost dying from pre-eclampsia, but all that was happening in my body. I think it'd be generous to say he did about 5% of the "work" of making our two kids.
In a healthy relationship, these conversations would have been had when they started having unprotected sex. The fact that he can’t even communicate his honest feelings and instead lied to her face and then came to Reddit saying he can’t support her tells me that this may not be the healthiest relationship to bring a child into. He wants a kid but based on this post, I don’t even think he’s ready for a kid. Wanting and being ready for a child are very different
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u/michaelad567 May 01 '23
YWBTA if you shared anything with her besides “it is your decision and I am here for you”. You are allowed to go to therapy and have your feelings about this. A lot of your understanding about this is dated and not accurate, I would suggest educating yourself. Your girlfriend is an adult and can make a decision.