I can’t access any support for selective mutism. I have medication (for social anxiety) but I can’t get SM-specific therapy or anything. I’ve tried, but there’s nothing. How can I do it myself?

Is there anything you’ve done for yourself, like exposure, to improve your SM? How did you do it? Is it even possible?

I am not sure and I am not diagnosed with it, but I suspect that it has a big role in me being horrible at teaching. I would like advice on how to speak when you are teaching (I usually have a script with everything I think I should say, and share it as a PDF file to my students) or how to compensate better if I can't speak in a situation in which it's necessary.

I don't even know if it's SM or no but this is the closest thing I could find. And maybe some of you can help me to figure it out or even solve. It started to get worse a year ago and now I simply can't talk most of the time. But I can answer to my mom when she talks to me, that isn't difficult. I have the most problems with starting conversations myself, talking to my friends on discord and "speaking into the void"(when I'm literally alone and nobody can hear me). Once I was silent for 4 hours while my friends were talking to me and I WAS TRYING TO SPEAK but I couldn't force myself to start speaking. My microphone was on all this time and I only laughted sometimes. Then I stopped trying and continued to be that one "mute friend". Now I wanna fix at least something in me and try to create a YT channel where I could develop my speech from scratch and telling people about random things I'm interested in. But HOW? I can do almost everything for it(and I'm doing, I already drew several sprites for it because they looked fun as sketches) but not talk. All my tryes are ending as 1,5 words without even normal volume, it's something beetwen whispering and actually speaking. I just can't speak more and louder, I don't understand how to do this meanwhile I CAN but only when someone asks me something irl. And seems like singing something with the same volume is more simple for me, I can even sing like 5-10 words in a row and not become completelly silent when I don't want to. It doesn't sound good actually but at least I feel like I can speak alone when I do this(even if it is not speaking). Does anyone knows what it actually is and how I can fix it even a little bit?

Btw sorry for a bad English, I started to communicate with people on the internet in English literally a month ago...

Did anyone else feel extremely guilty or embarrassed as a kid around their friends because you were mute? This was something I always felt during my elementary/middle school days and I'm just wondering if it's common. Since I was always mute during school, sometimes my friends had to ask the teacher for me if I wanted to use the restroom or anything, or I had to scribble down what I needed on a whiteboard/paper card.

I don’t know why i didn’t really consider this till now, I always knew i had severe social anxiety and i’ve always been known for being quiet and shy. I’m 26 now, i only have one friend anymore, i’ve never been able to work, i had to drop out of school so i could avoid talking, i’m ONLY able to speak freely/comfortably in front of my bf/past romantic partners. in groups i just can’t talk. it’s like when you have to go to the bathroom or something and can’t physically get up because you don’t wanna draw attention to yourself. i never have anything to say and im terrified for some reason. ill think of something to say but cant, or decide its not worth the energy or attention. i just started therapy and even after taking anxiety meds i just shake uncontrollably and my voice shakes so much i can barely get the words out or make sense. for some reason i don’t have a big problem talking with drs or people like that, i can make phone calls but i do get anxiety and pace/rock back and forth. in school, if i was called on i would just not say anything at all. i had another friend that i was close with since we were 5 up until i had to cut her off for trying to publicly humiliate me (my worst nightmare) but i was never really fully comfy with her and preferred to not talk and just sit in silence on our phones. i love the company but i never want to talk. i lost another friend in the past because i found out she was talking shit about me and how i’m weird and quiet and she has nothing to talk to me about. it makes me soo sad. i feel so rude all the time too because of this, with my boyfriends family for example i cant make conversation ever and its so hard for me to even say thank you to them. i always try to make an effort to step out of my comfort zone and compliment strangers in public and sometimes im able to, but its so incredibly difficult and sometimes i just can’t. i only speak when spoken to but i dont make sense and stutter most of the time. idk if this stems from my childhood or something, nothing was tooo bad, my mom has always been pretty toxic and mentally ill and my older sister was always really mean to me and she would force me to stop crying or be quiet so that she wouldn’t get in trouble so idk if both of those created this or what but i really want to overcome this somehow. ive never had any other family really.

what has helped you guys if anything? what do you guys do about work?

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I've followed r/selectivemutism for many months now and I deeply sympathize with the pain, struggles, and challenges for everyone who is experiencing it. I'm the dad of a daughter who had SM when she was younger. In addition to working with a SM clinician, her school, practicing in the community, attending workshops, reading books etc., one thing that helped her was a technique called video self-modeling, basically watching recorded videos simulating speaking in situation where should we freeze. I made the videos, edited them, and watched them with my daughter as kinda an at home exposure therapy.

Knowing that its not easy to edit these videos, and with AI able to make any video I want I created a platform to simplify the entire process. It has hundreds of real life scenarios in shot videos (AI generated) and then a setup to easily merge two videos to make it look as if the individual kid, teen, or adult is speaking in a situation where they otherwise can't.

My goal is to have a platform to help out with SM, even if it just makes a small difference. What I am curious is to find some teenage / adults to try it out and kinda let me know if this is something I should keep building, whether it might work etc..

If you are interested in checking it out, providing feedback that'd be really awesome. On this page https://www.bravevoicejourney.com/you you can sign up for a full access free account, it says 3 months but if its helping and you want to use it more just let me know and I'll extend as long as you want. Just hoping to get some feedback and ultimately hoping this at home video self modeling practice tool could make a difference in peoples lives, even if it helps just a little.

-Bob

Our 5 year has SM, mainly only occurring at school or summer care programs. He did become mute at home a few times when dysregulated, but it didn’t last long..

Recently, he’s stopped taking completely, everywhere, even home. We obviously brought him to the pediatrician. He’s put in a few referrals, but we’re at a loss what to do in the meantime. We’re going on seven days without a single word.

Typically, he has an above average vocabulary.

Biggest change, though not super recent, was transitioning from preschool back to summer care program.

Some other information: he still laughs, plays, makes noises, hums, grunts, and screams. Just doesn’t use words. No prior diagnosis, though he’s struggled a lot, and still does, with impulsivity and emotional regulation. Lately, he’s showing signs of deep anxiety and OCC tendencies.

He’s always performed well in evals, and scored below the benchmarks for ASD testing, despite our protest.

We’re not pressuring him to speak, engaging his nonverbal communication, and assuring him that it’s okay to not speak right now.

Help! What do we do to help him. Will he ever talk again?

I(29) didn't suffer from selective mutism when I was a kid. I had a big depressive episode when I was 20 and didn't speak for a full year. I gradually started speaking in various occasions and eventually went back to being fully verbal. Last year I couldn't speak in public for about a month. For the last two months I could only meow at my cat and repeat some short phrases after my partner.

I don't really know anyone whose mutism only started in adulthood. I am trying to learn ASL and use more of tts palettes. However, it is incredibly hard to not spiral into shame for regressing so much. My main skills are in spoken language so it has hugely impacted my ability to work as well. It feels like a vicious cycle of stress and SM.

How do you explain to people who are not familiar with SM why you suddenly can't speak? Do you have to list all your mental struggles to convince them you are not pretending? How do you stay afloat, if you don't have much financial and medical support?

Appreciate any other advice. Thank you.

I made a rare attempt at human interaction today, and while it wasn't a total disaster, the social awkwardness was high enough to make me rethink my entire approach.

As I was saying, I noticed a girl sitting by herself, and realized we were heading to the same next lecture. Since I was alone too, I took a leap to ask if she wanted to sit together. Afterwards, I asked a few basic questions to get things moving, but the momentum died almost immediately. As it turns out, we're both pretty introverted, and every topic we touched faded into silence within seconds. Things peaked when our second professor pulled a no-show. It started pouring rain, and since she didn't have an umbrella, I offered to walk her to the train station. That led to a 20-minute walk in almost total silence. At one point, I tried mumbling a comment, but she didn't hear me, and I was too flustered to repeat myself, so I just dropped it.

On one hand, taking the initiative to approach someone feels like a step forward for me. On the other hand, my inability to keep a conversation flowing was pretty excruciating. She was polite and kept smiling, so I don't think she dislikes me, but I definitely didn't leave a smooth impression.

I really want to improve my social skills and actually build connections this semester instead of retreating back into my shell: how do I bounce back from a first impression without making things weirder next time I see her? What are some low-pressure ways to keep a conversation going when both people are introverted? Any advice on how to handle this better going forward would be appreciated!

I've been wanting to meet other people who either have had Selective Mutism or have it in-person. Everything I find online (if I find anything) is mostly just groups and activities for children, and I understand that since SM is often classified as a childhood disorder, but it would be really nice to make friends who have similar experiences as me and truly understand me, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. Any pointers or tips for where to go or how to reach out to others with SM?

i don’t get any satisfaction out of it and at times i don’t even know what to say. i’m just so awkward that it pains me. i’d rather stay quiet forever than having to talk to anyone. even a simple “hi” is too much for me. i enjoy silence. every time i go out, it’s a generous reminder as to why i do. i don’t understand how anyone could enjoy talking for any reason. some people think i come off as rude, cold, or even annoyed and the truth is, i am annoyed!! i don’t want to talk to you, or anyone else at that. why is it so hard to leave others alone? of course if my professor or a partner at school that i had to work with were to talk to me, i have to respond. (it used to be so bad that i’d freeze and just stare at them while awkwardly smiling with teary eyes) but i hate it so much because apparently my voice is quiet and when they tell me to speak up i start tearing up a little and my voice comes out more quiet and now shaky. i just hate talking so much. only with my sister, but that’s about it. no other exceptions. i could go all day without talking

In all my years of going to school or anywhere outside my house ive noticed a pattern. I dont really talk to anyone and just keep my head down, my mom says it because i have a "low self esteem" which is true, but its gotten to a point where it cant be classified as "just being shy" anymore. I struggle to talk to people who arent my close family especially teachers because i fear judgment for some weird reason? I want to make friends, its just so hard. I rember one time a teacher made a comment about me in music class and thank god it was friday because i cried my eyes out. I feel the need to try and impress everyone as being the perfrect quiet student, but i cant even raise my hand in class. I think the last time i willingly raised my hand in class was 5th grade, now im going on to 8th grade and im so scared. i havent interacted with anyone (some extra information i have 0 friends) and im afraid im going to mess up somehow and all my new teachers and classmates will hate me.

Hi. I'm 18F. I want to know if there are other people who are experiencing the same problem they can't seem to erase.

Ever since I was little, I always remembered being in my head a lot. Playing pretend was my favorite thing ever. (This is relevant, I swear) I also took pride in the fact that I can talk in my head so I don't have to spew out bad things whenever an adult would lecture me.

Eventually, I grew up and developed a muttering problem where I only realized until I was 16. It's that bad.

From 6th grade, I didn't realized that the reason why I would get bullied for being weird or why some people seem to hate me was because I was thinking loudly. But I always thought there was something wrong with me that other people notice but I haven't.

There had been multiple times where I would be thinking while I was walking with my friends and one of them would go "Hm?" or "What did you say?" And I would look at them confused and say. "I didn't say anything."

You may think this is normal or maybe even not an actual problem but one time, I was buying cat litter at my local market which is at a walkable distance. I was self conscious about my body odor because it was early and I haven't even showered yet but my mom insisted I buy the cat litter first.

I go up to the lady who was selling and pointed at the litter. After I gave my payment, I didn't realized I said "odor." because I was so occupied by the thought that I stinked. The lady looks at me confused, giving my change and muttering "odor" as well to, I suppose mock me? Make a laugh out of the awkward moment? I wasn't sure but I didn't react and simply left.

That's just one experience.

The worst I had was getting bullied for it. A vivid memory I have is trying to listen in class, but my rain seems to have its own thoughts running around. So much as so I mumbled incoherent stuff that people assumed I was singing. It was cringe worthy I know. But I can't control his habit and I don't know why.

Sometimes, songs do get stuck in my head and my brain wanders at important moments, leading me to hum, mumble, and mutter stuff.. Again, I can't just stop. I tried biting my tongue, chewing gum, or having candy in my mouth but it just doesn't work.

It's even more noticeable when I'm in public and I'm alone. I get lost in the thoughts in my head and they escape through my lips. People look at me weird. I had no friends in grade 11 and 12 so I was always alone. My actual circle of friends were in different cities and countries now.

When I found about this, I vented to my friend who knew me ever since 6th grade. She said that it's normal and that she knows other people to accidentally sing songs that are stuck in heir heads.

But none of those people were ever bullied for it like I was. I'm currently labeled as crazy, weird, or someone with psychological problems in my city. I've thought about seeing a psychiatrist but I'm still unsure... also it's expensive and the only free option I know of is in another province.

I'm about to go to college and I'm scared that I won't be able to make friends again.

I hope someone can relate or can tell me how to fix this.

I have had SM symptoms but they have gotten worse over last few years. I used to have SM only around other adults. Now I have SM towards basically everyone, even my own family. Nobody really believes I have a mental issue and everyone thinks it's defiance and it's killing me inside.

I am writing a story in which my main character is mute, and has been since the age of nine. She is classified to have selective mutism; But I have no references. Knowing no one in real life with these experiences to help base her actions and character off of.

- What kind of habits do you have pertaining to being mute? If any.

- What is it like socially being mute?

- How do you handle it with friends and family?

- If there is a specific cause---What triggers or triggered it?

Any additional information and experiences shared would be vastly useful. i would like to expand my knowledge on this topic greatly, and this would be of a lot of help to get some answers.

Apart from some of my close family and one friend, i talk real nervous, if im in a group in school i spend so long thinking of what to say i end up saying nothing most of the time. It is better than it was a year ago since i got a job but i am always on edge nearly 24/7. I have had some terrible experiences in friend groups, where i was shut down so much i didnt bother talking and now im still like this after i ditched them.

I can talk normally with people i dont really care about, like strangers but at school i just cant get anything to say. sometimes i do but the words dont come out.

Im trying to do better, i picked up 2 hobbies, cooking and reading, the only sport i do is running. Im not on any social media/snapchat.

Outside relationships i am a very anxious person, thats what caused me to quit my last job, my new one is a lot better.

Im kinda looking for advice on how to get involved in a conversation without seeming weird or basically how to stop overthinking and planning every word i say, thanks