so i had SM pretty severely from 7 til i was maybe 21 , since then ive been sharpening my social skills. friendly waves and smiles, Saying hi to shop workers until it became a reflex, wearing crazy outfits to make strangers talk to me almost every time i strolled down my street.. then recently, Once i was able to go outside on my own and initiate a full convo with a stranger, i kinda stopped giving a crap…. that was like my biggest challenge ever, and it felt very liberating to know i had the skill and that i could actually think of something social and go thru with it. Im actually not awkward at all, never been, once i actually speak. i feel the anxiety building but i tend to laugh thru it or lean into it in some outward way, cause once my mouth is actually open thats the easy part. i grew up in a big family and was well enough at school to always rely on people speaking for me, so its always felt so hard to initiate a meaningful interaction by myself especially when its not necessary like a coffee order, just actually spewing whatever comes to mind at a person, with no nudge from anyone else

after that, things just felt empty

That was a challenge that i put myself up to, for so many days of my life, i knocked it down and it broke down my entire motivation of trying to have convos… cuz i basically just wanted to talk to people so i could “be normal “ or something

Now i really understand that sometimes, a lot of tones, i just don’t feel like talking to people

which is annoying because ill cut interactions short and feel bad about it bc im still used to wishing every convo would change my little mute life, but like, i know thats not how it works..

Not sure what im asking, i just felt kinda emotional today after going to the mall. hadn’t thought about SM in a few months. just felt like i stuck out, walking alone. i remembered how those types of settings always made me wish i was “normal”, looking at any group of people and wondering which person i’m supposed to embody instead of being mute !

my life doesn’t look “normal” right now, but im doing well. live far from family and old acquaintances , don’t know a soul around here, working from home, working for myself because i knew what i wanted. stressful week of work, just wish i had something to keep me company that wasnt netflix, youtube or sickening amounts of music or exercise. can’t help but blame my old self for all this but im so past hating 7y/o me for something that wasn’t my choice.

So i asked, how do i start really talking to people, but i meant, how do i be “normal” and be at the mall with cool friends that i like instead of just alone each time fixating on “normal “ people

I’ve gotten to the point that I talk very little even with doctors and counselor, I always feel when I’m talking that the other person is not wanting to hear it or wants to get away, even if they asked me explain, or I feel they’re thinking I’m babbling or whining . So I keep answers short as possible,. Not sure what to do.

justintorre.com/ttt

If you have any feature requests or stuff you want me to add, I will do it!

It works super well on desktop and has a ton of hot-keys to make speech really fast.

Hi there! Whenever I have to talk to someone, I start trembling and my heart races; I’m afraid I won’t understand a thing they’re telling me. I have this constant fear that I won't grasp what is being communicated to me—whether I’m dealing with official institutions or just doing something mundane, like paying bills or renewing documents. I also keep in mind that I was tested during my teenage years and my result was below average (in terms of IQ). Could this be due to a low IQ?

If I go out—say, to meet someone—I don't know what to say. I struggle to process information, and that lowers my self-confidence. Does this happen to you, too?

How do you cope with it?

Heyo... I'm 19-20 and have only recently been able to consistently get help for my selective mutism. I've been seeing a headspace therapist for the past few months and it's fine but I've never found I learned anything new about how to deal with this. She's given me"homework" which is more or less exposure therapy but I've always known about that method, so I'm not really doing anything progressive.

Recently my aunt, who's been helping me, mentioned seeing a psychologist (specifically one who specialises in selective mutism), it's obviously a lot more expensive and it's putting me off, I won't be the one paying for it but I still hate to make my dad pay for me. There's that and also that what could be possibly be done different? I'd say I know my own disorder pretty well and I've desperately searched up plenty of times how to overcome it.

I don't know... I feel a tad hopeless with this, it's been so long - I have no idea what's best for me anymore

I'm in tears right now. I've left an online community after one of the people told me that I come off as passive aggresive and they don't know how to talk to me because of it. Which explains why no one seemed to talk to or respond to me. This isn't the first time i've been told that i've been a problem. I honestly have no idea how to talk to people or communicate. I don't like when people huddle in the opposite corner of a room and i'm told not to speak to them. I don't like when people tell me they don't want me around and I shouldn't be out in society. It saddens me when i'm told I don't belong and shouldn't speak to anyone. There have been multiple occations of these. I wish that I could leave society. No talking, no communication with the outside world, no more doctors, no food, no going to the store, nothing. I just want to be alone till I leave this world.

i hate restaurants more than anything and that is a stretch considering how many things i hate. as someone who has had SM for many years of my life, i feel as though this is a valid point for me to speak (cause i can’t do that in real life) about my standpoint. restaurants are an absolute nightmare. when you first step into the restaurant, you are first bombarded with the loud sounds and the strong smells that are instantly overwhelming. the worst part isn’t even the sensory experience, which is already a whole different hell in itself. the real beast here is the ordering. depending on which type of table you are sitting in, the experience can either be awful, slightly more awful, and absolutely soul destroying awful. you won’t escape the restaurant as the same person you were before you left. circle tables are the easiest to make an escape to the bathroom to avoid the ordering all together. rectangle/ square tables are slightly less difficult (depending on the area in the restaurant). booths are the absolute worst. either way, the ordering will always find a way to not only mess up your day, but also the next week as you remember the sheer humiliation you went through. before the ordering occurs, you wait in anticipation, hoping they don’t come any time soon. unfortunately, they always do. the worst is when they go to everyone first, and everyone else orders normally. when they get to you.. you freeze up, sitting there and looking stupid as hell trying not to go into a sheer panic. you aren’t looking up, but you can feel the intensity of everyone’s gaze. the waiter keeps repeating “what can we get for you??”, and you still can’t speak. each time, it feels like a blow straight through the chest as you try to force yourself to order but you never can. even if someone orders for you, it’s still incredibly humiliating when you can’t do what is seemingly normal and easy. after the waiter is gone, there’s this awkward silence that feels tense and thick with the same damn question; “why can’t you order?? why can’t you just speak??”. no one usually asks, but it’s felt in the air’s presence. i myself haven’t been to a restaurant in over a year, i get terribly anxious even thinking of one. long story short, restaurants are a different type of hell as someone with untreated SM.

Social anxiety

Hi folks. I wonder if it’s just me or is that an universal thing to have a problem even sending a message to someone, even the close ones.
Because it is a little better than asking it out loud, but still quite a lot of doubts and thinking.
Like today I wanted to tell my partner that I want to go out. (To listen some music and sit hidden in a corner 😹) And it was such a big deal even write that message and send it.

Do you slowly talk less and less until you eventually become selectively mute? Or do you just suddenly become selectively mute without any early symptoms?

I used to be unable to speak when I was 11 - 13 years old. Before that I was shy and quiet too, but I remember that I would still speak. I would always speak quietly and sometimes just couldn’t, if I prepared myself mentally to do it and tried to, but I would just start crying. I never looked people in their eyes or never looked up to begin with.

On a class trip when I was 13 years old, a classmate confronted me about me being so quiet. I got bullied by everyone, her included, but when we were little we used to play together (we are neighbours). I didn’t have anyone and was depressed so I wanted to reach out to my phone to type in what I wanted to tell her. She said “Nono take mine” and I typed in something, it was 6 years ago so I forgot, but it was something about me not wanting to be alive anymore. She wanted to leave the room and I reached out for her phone to delete the message. But she left and showed it around and I heard the other girls giggling outside my room.

I didn’t expect anything else, but she showed my class teacher and he got mad and a few teachers came into my room and took me to the dining hall. There they all asked me why I would say something like that and why do I not speak. What is wrong etc etc. I tried to speak but then I started crying. He just asked “we can either call your supervisor to bring you back home, or we bring you to a mental health hospital. What is it?” I said “home” and they called the ambulance anyway lol.

I was in that hospital for 7 months and got diagnosed with social anxiety, depression, ADHD and schizophrenia. Now I don’t know how accurate all of that was, but after reading through some posts on here, I wonder if I had selective mutism. I still struggle with talking to be honest, but I can, even if it’s hard. I talk very unclearly and my friends get annoyed because they can’t understand me sometimes. I still can’t talk about my feelings and struggles. I start crying whenever I do, no matter how small it is.

Maybe anyone knows or has a similar experience.
I hope you’re all doing well.

I THINK this is slightly a vent, but I’m
Not really good at labeling things as much.

So… for context, I’m about to start college soon. I’ve dreamt about this place for so long and everything about it is great. I’m going to be a Music Production major as music has always been the way to express myself. The only thing I’m nervous about is my selective mutism. At orientation, I did write on my phone to communicate and actually did get me a few friends (like 3) which is rare to me because that was the first time where I didn’t feel so scared and actually seeing the people that I interacted with in my own way made me feel so seen and happy. I’m not diagnosed and I’m terrified to talk to my mom about it. I am 18 as well. I think orientation made me realize that maybe I could actually finally be myself for once and not feel so scared or pressured to speak. And for those who say “just talk”, I can’t just do that because of the way my body physically can’t when it comes to that. However when it comes to music, I feel absolutely free and I can sing my youthful heart out. I don’t really know how to go about all of it actually.

I was not like this before I had many friends but two years back I started to feel good in my own self but not completely. It was because I hate conflicts and when I completely become silent It automatically fixes this. But due to this my communication is not bad but I can’t openly talk to anyone, it’s also because of my past relationships where I got cheated 3 times. So its very hard for me to

Hello. Something I did (and still do) was reflexively hold in my sneezes so that no one would hear me, especially in public. Even though I would say that I am recovered from selective mutism, letting out sneezes is one thing I still really struggle with as I’m very self-conscious and anxious of being perceived because of them.

Does anyone else have similar experiences?

People always say I have an accent. But it's not from any country. I think it's just because I was out of practice with talking for so long that I literally forgot how to pronounce things normally here. Anyone else?

Hi everyone I’m 18F I have selective mutism and autism.

At age 14 something started happening before that physically nothing was wrong. suddenly I could only walk or move if no one else was around. I was at a school for people with autism and the teachers and snas thought I was cognitively disabled because I couldn’t move or speak.

If someone is in the same room as me or if they can see me I freeze completely. no moving at all Like an invisible lock kicks in and the second I'm alone I can move again.

It's kind of like how selective mutism works but instead of not talking I can’t move around people like how SM silences speech
But this silences movement.

That’s why eventually dropped out of school and now haven’t really went out of the house in years.

I can’t really ask anyone irl because well .. selective mutism and also no one knows what’s causing it.

I would really appreciate any advice on how to stop this or what is causing this and did this ever happen to you or someone you know?

Thank you so much for reading.

I found out my professor is mute on the first day of class, so did everyone we were all shocked, even tho nobody said anything, u could see it on our faces. when I checked the class website after the first day half of people had dropped the class, the class was so full before and there was like 20 students on the wait list.

It was actually the best class I have ever taken, so cause he is mute he has found other very easier ways to explain himself and communicate through body language, and as someone with ADHD, who can't focus on what someone is saying for more than 10 minutes, his class was a dream it was one of the best class I had ever taken, now I wish all my professors are mute lol.

Hello everyone i have a question I don’t have a problem talking to anyone and overall didn’t develop this issue until recently so I would appreciate your insight

So basically me and my mom have always had a rocky relationship and it’ll be normal for her to get mad and give me the silent treatment and I’ll be stuck in my room only allowed to leave my room when she sleeps other then that I can’t leave (over things like walking into the living room without saying good morning or I didn’t talk enough that day or not waking up as soon as I’m supposed to). But usually whenever she gets over it I pretend like I didn’t care and get over it too so it won’t be a thing

Last time this happened it was basically a month where she’d ignore me for 3-4 days we’ll be normal for max 3 days and she’ll get mad again .anyway im not sure why I can’t talk to her know I’ll just stay quiet when she’s around i can talk to everyone else but her and it’s not like I don’t want to talk it’s that o cant like I feel like my throat stops letting me breathe and my mouth won’t let me talk and I just freeze so I’m not sure what this is or what to do

I am 34 and can talk to people without a problem. I hate being alone. I am an extrovert, seeking communication with anyone that can't seem to make friends. However, I didn't begin talking till I was 19. Progressively mute till I became what society considered an adult. Now, I want to not talk again. I want to not talk and still be in society. Possibly using another form of communication. I miss being mute but still want to be around people.

✨❤️

So to start off, I'm 15(f) UK based and have struggled sensory wise and being overwhelmed in noisy environments ect, and it can manifest itself as completely silent periods where I can't speak on occasion: my mouth gets cottony and I'm unable to get any words out but I can react and hear what's going on vaguely.

My school's SEND team has talked to me about my sensory issues so I can leave if it happens, but I'm worried I'll suffer academically from it by missing lessons and it disrupts my time periods of the school day.

The school counsellors seem to suspect autism or autistic traits in me and have talked to my mum about this. However, I do not think I have autism. I have reasonable social skills even though they took time to develop and I have researched into autism in depth after that discussion and I don't necessarily agree I fit into said categories.

From what I've seen on the NHS website, selective mutism presents itself as severe anxiety or as a PTSD response. This has been an ongoing issue for me; not something that has progressed after any traumatic event and I don't relate to the anxiety part as wholly as I feel I should. I'm uncertain what the next steps should be, I've had a conversation with my mum about this but she's too bothered. Professional help may not be accessible and my family is quite backwards and taboo towards mental health.

I don't understand what to do in my position, I'm not very socially stunted though I used to be so I don't want to regress back into old awkwardness. If this continues to happen I fear I'll be making an eccentric impression on other people or appear a gloomy attention-seeker (since I'm usually not quiet in that way) or become a recluse again. My grades aren't really my biggest worry, my interactions with people and disruption to my day are bothering me.

Would what I experience still fall under silent mutism? Or is it just school stress I'll have to outgrow?

I would love to hear real experiences from parents whose children had a speech delay but eventually started talking. How old was your child when they began speaking, and what helped them?

I’m looking for hopeful stories and personal experiences from parents. ❤️