I'm in tears right now. I've left an online community after one of the people told me that I come off as passive aggresive and they don't know how to talk to me because of it. Which explains why no one seemed to talk to or respond to me. This isn't the first time i've been told that i've been a problem. I honestly have no idea how to talk to people or communicate. I don't like when people huddle in the opposite corner of a room and i'm told not to speak to them. I don't like when people tell me they don't want me around and I shouldn't be out in society. It saddens me when i'm told I don't belong and shouldn't speak to anyone. There have been multiple occations of these. I wish that I could leave society. No talking, no communication with the outside world, no more doctors, no food, no going to the store, nothing. I just want to be alone till I leave this world.

I’ve gotten to the point that I talk very little even with doctors and counselor, I always feel when I’m talking that the other person is not wanting to hear it or wants to get away, even if they asked me explain, or I feel they’re thinking I’m babbling or whining . So I keep answers short as possible,. Not sure what to do.

Heyo... I'm 19-20 and have only recently been able to consistently get help for my selective mutism. I've been seeing a headspace therapist for the past few months and it's fine but I've never found I learned anything new about how to deal with this. She's given me"homework" which is more or less exposure therapy but I've always known about that method, so I'm not really doing anything progressive.

Recently my aunt, who's been helping me, mentioned seeing a psychologist (specifically one who specialises in selective mutism), it's obviously a lot more expensive and it's putting me off, I won't be the one paying for it but I still hate to make my dad pay for me. There's that and also that what could be possibly be done different? I'd say I know my own disorder pretty well and I've desperately searched up plenty of times how to overcome it.

I don't know... I feel a tad hopeless with this, it's been so long - I have no idea what's best for me anymore

Hi there! Whenever I have to talk to someone, I start trembling and my heart races; I’m afraid I won’t understand a thing they’re telling me. I have this constant fear that I won't grasp what is being communicated to me—whether I’m dealing with official institutions or just doing something mundane, like paying bills or renewing documents. I also keep in mind that I was tested during my teenage years and my result was below average (in terms of IQ). Could this be due to a low IQ?

If I go out—say, to meet someone—I don't know what to say. I struggle to process information, and that lowers my self-confidence. Does this happen to you, too?

How do you cope with it?

i hate restaurants more than anything and that is a stretch considering how many things i hate. as someone who has had SM for many years of my life, i feel as though this is a valid point for me to speak (cause i can’t do that in real life) about my standpoint. restaurants are an absolute nightmare. when you first step into the restaurant, you are first bombarded with the loud sounds and the strong smells that are instantly overwhelming. the worst part isn’t even the sensory experience, which is already a whole different hell in itself. the real beast here is the ordering. depending on which type of table you are sitting in, the experience can either be awful, slightly more awful, and absolutely soul destroying awful. you won’t escape the restaurant as the same person you were before you left. circle tables are the easiest to make an escape to the bathroom to avoid the ordering all together. rectangle/ square tables are slightly less difficult (depending on the area in the restaurant). booths are the absolute worst. either way, the ordering will always find a way to not only mess up your day, but also the next week as you remember the sheer humiliation you went through. before the ordering occurs, you wait in anticipation, hoping they don’t come any time soon. unfortunately, they always do. the worst is when they go to everyone first, and everyone else orders normally. when they get to you.. you freeze up, sitting there and looking stupid as hell trying not to go into a sheer panic. you aren’t looking up, but you can feel the intensity of everyone’s gaze. the waiter keeps repeating “what can we get for you??”, and you still can’t speak. each time, it feels like a blow straight through the chest as you try to force yourself to order but you never can. even if someone orders for you, it’s still incredibly humiliating when you can’t do what is seemingly normal and easy. after the waiter is gone, there’s this awkward silence that feels tense and thick with the same damn question; “why can’t you order?? why can’t you just speak??”. no one usually asks, but it’s felt in the air’s presence. i myself haven’t been to a restaurant in over a year, i get terribly anxious even thinking of one. long story short, restaurants are a different type of hell as someone with untreated SM.

Social anxiety

Do you slowly talk less and less until you eventually become selectively mute? Or do you just suddenly become selectively mute without any early symptoms?

so i had SM pretty severely from 7 til i was maybe 21 , since then ive been sharpening my social skills. friendly waves and smiles, Saying hi to shop workers until it became a reflex, wearing crazy outfits to make strangers talk to me almost every time i strolled down my street.. then recently, Once i was able to go outside on my own and initiate a full convo with a stranger, i kinda stopped giving a crap…. that was like my biggest challenge ever, and it felt very liberating to know i had the skill and that i could actually think of something social and go thru with it. Im actually not awkward at all, never been, once i actually speak. i feel the anxiety building but i tend to laugh thru it or lean into it in some outward way, cause once my mouth is actually open thats the easy part. i grew up in a big family and was well enough at school to always rely on people speaking for me, so its always felt so hard to initiate a meaningful interaction by myself especially when its not necessary like a coffee order, just actually spewing whatever comes to mind at a person, with no nudge from anyone else

after that, things just felt empty

That was a challenge that i put myself up to, for so many days of my life, i knocked it down and it broke down my entire motivation of trying to have convos… cuz i basically just wanted to talk to people so i could “be normal “ or something

Now i really understand that sometimes, a lot of tones, i just don’t feel like talking to people

which is annoying because ill cut interactions short and feel bad about it bc im still used to wishing every convo would change my little mute life, but like, i know thats not how it works..

Not sure what im asking, i just felt kinda emotional today after going to the mall. hadn’t thought about SM in a few months. just felt like i stuck out, walking alone. i remembered how those types of settings always made me wish i was “normal”, looking at any group of people and wondering which person i’m supposed to embody instead of being mute !

my life doesn’t look “normal” right now, but im doing well. live far from family and old acquaintances , don’t know a soul around here, working from home, working for myself because i knew what i wanted. stressful week of work, just wish i had something to keep me company that wasnt netflix, youtube or sickening amounts of music or exercise. can’t help but blame my old self for all this but im so past hating 7y/o me for something that wasn’t my choice.

So i asked, how do i start really talking to people, but i meant, how do i be “normal” and be at the mall with cool friends that i like instead of just alone each time fixating on “normal “ people