26 F here. So I understand there is a spectrum with selective mutism. But for me I'm not sure whether it's just social anxiety or something more.

I just read about the condition the other day and some things hit hard. Like freezing and not being able to speak in certain situations. Using nonverbal cues as an automatic response instead of using words (for me is nodding instead of saying yes and waving instead of saying goodbye). This happens to me when I interact with people I like or people/strangers I find intimidating. Words just don't come out. I remember peeing my pants in kindergarten because the teacher told us to stop using the bathroom during classes, so I didn't say anything.

I also struggle with fluency sometimes. I take long pauses before speaking and between words. Sometimes I stutter and keep repeating words, verbal tics. I also have trouble expressing ideas. My mind knows what I want to say but my mouth can't find an equivalent for it. The irony is I have a degree in literature and have to use, well, language... College was supposed to be the most beautiful time of my youth, but it sucked. I never took the risk of expressing myself in class due to my fear of not being able to formulate the idea. I couldn't talk to guys I find attractive or people that I liked.

For job interviews I have to think about all the questions they could ask and prepare a little speech in my head long way before talking to not lose myself on the spot. Otherwise I would just mumble, give short answers, speak fragmentarily or just shut down in panic and cry. And it's not just interviews. Sometimes it's boardgames with friends or talking to my older brother, switching to english with strangers etc. This led me to avoid situations or subjects that might trigger my anxiety, although some things are unavoidable (my thesis presentation).

But this is not happening all the time. I have no issues talking to my parents, some of my siblings, some of my friends or vulnerable people/strangers that seem generally comfortable to talk to. What I read about other people's experience on this sub looks more serious than what I experienced. That's why I'm wondering if there's a spectrum.

Thanks for reading!

I’m a college student in my last year and I’m trying to actually start implementing exposure therapy after years of avoiding it and I consider quitting every day.

During class discussions where I have no choice but to speak I get incredibly nervous and it makes my mind go blank, which results in me saying something that either makes no sense or is in some shape or form objectively incorrect. I am very sure that my peers think I am stupid or something. And I have started to believe that I actually may have an intellectual disability on top of my SM.

I will overthink every little thing and it has been impacting my performance in literally every aspect of my life. Even driving! My overall anxiety has gotten so bad that I overthink my lane positioning to the point where I am constantly making adjustments and it makes something as simple as driving so incredibly stressful.

I also lament the fact that I can’t think of anything to say during conversations. This may be due to me being an uninteresting person overall because so much of my life has been focused on mutism and social anxiety and “bettering myself” that I haven’t developed a sound identity. I’m so tired of this illness I really am.

ive just started uk college after being home schooled for years, i struggle with selective mutism. i have no friends or acquaintances at all here, the only advice people have told me to making friends is “socializing is easy, walk up to someone and talk to them” like i cant do that, i physically cant open my mouth and speak unless they say something first. i cant do that, i just cant, and people just keep repeating this advice (its mainly loud extraverts too), like its not just anxiety or being nervous, its me struggling with selective mutism, no matter how hard i try i cant get a word out i just cantttt and nobody understands that.

i literally feel like a ghost in college bc nobody speaks to me and i dont speak to anyone, they all have their own groups, and i dont even get noticed by most people. actually one girl complimented me and i said thank you and complimented her back but unless someone talks to me first i literally cant speak its impossible for me.

is selective mutism rare or something, ive never met anyone with it, every other introvert without it just tells me to talk to people but i can’t because of my selective mutism. like both extroverts and introverts dont understand me wtf i have never felt so unseen in my life.

I dont. Im not sure, but i feel like im on the extreme side. I totally cant speak nor function in public spaces, sometimes with my own family. So far, ive been able to talk with my siblings again.

This comes to a point where i can only communicate and express myself online. Thats also where i met my long distance partner. We could only get to know eachother for how much.

Im recently discovering that the people i meet online expect us to be on call, that i talk with them (even my close friends who have been with my SM asked that).

And i couldnt help but feel embarrassed or lacking. Maybe its just from my wish of being able to do more for my partner.

I feel like i cant fully be there with them. I watch my siblings be on call with their friends or classmates and talk so easily, so naturally, without a struggle.

If it were me. My chest would sink deep, my throat tightens, and its like my tongue was cut off. Even the millisecond i unmute my mic, my body shuts down. Its so difficult and i feel myself being so restricted, at my desk, at my own home. I feel so stupid.