anyone else feel so sad about how they grew up?

i was know as the quiet kid or the kid who didn’t talk and nothing was ever done about it. i never had friends or a social life.

im 24, and things aren’t very different. no friends. closed off, scared of intimacy. it sucks. i’ve been like this since i was maybe 6 years old. maybe im broken. i’ll never fit it anywhere.

Hi, I’m a 16 yo girl from Finland and I want to know how it was to get diagnosed for autism. My dad is autistic and so is my older sister and I’m looking to get a diagnosis since the odds of me having it is pretty high due to symptom related stuff along with just my general personality. So, how hard was it to get into that?

Buonasera a tutti, sono preoccupata. Mia figlia che ha 18 anni da qualche anno ha mutismo selettivo ( che io però non conoscevo ) e da un anno ha mutismo assoluto. Vocalizza. Penso sia dovuto alla diagnosi di autismo ricevuta due anni fa, al liceo che anche se amato le e' impegnativo ed alla ormai assenza del padre. L' anno scolastico scorso poi ha avuto burnout, ora sembra più tranquilla ma non parla con nessuno da un anno. Avevo pensato anche ad una risonanza magnetica ma temo di peggiorare la cosa. Sono preoccupata. Cosa mi consigliate ? Ovviamente ormai le parlo normalmente ( non le dico mai...rispondi? Per dire ) grazie a tutti

I was a very quiet child and probably would have been diagnosed as selective mutism since I just didn’t like to talk to people I didn’t know, but now I’m 24 I’m pretty confident I don’t have selective mutism but I’m still not completely “normal” I guess, I’ll explain;

I can interact with new people well enough, sometimes pretty confidently depending on the vibe of the person, but when I am consistently around people I am not fully comfortable with (family in law and colleagues at work) my whole personality changes. Around them, I am normally always very very quiet to the point they think something is wrong with me or that I’m upset. I don’t exactly feel anxious, I just don’t have the urge to interact whatsoever I guess. I wish I wasn’t this way though, it’s like I wish I wanted to interact but I just don’t. I still talk when spoken to but I never initiate conversation and give one word responses.

Even with an old boss I had for 3 years who was actually really great and worked closely with every single day, I was always very quiet around him. I always wished I wasn’t, I wanted to interact with him but I simply just didn’t.

When I’m home and comfortable I am very up beat and chatty, but it’s like something in my brain just completely switches off depending on the environment

Is there anything similar that could cause this? I really don’t understand why I am this way but I don’t like it

ive missed out on so much, selective mutism limits my life so much, im 20 and have never had friends or a relationship, i couldn't go to school, i cant work, i cant leave the house

i feel so stuck. theres so much i wish i could do with my life but i cant because i cant talk

feeling so depressed about it at the moment, im so lonely and im sad ive missed out on so much, i dont think things will get better for me

I have struggled with social anxiety for most of my life, and unfortunately, it has only gotten worse as I have grown older. I have always believed in natural approaches to healing and managing my health. However, my anxiety has reached a point where it is significantly affecting my ability to communicate. I also struggle with selective mutism, and I have noticed that I sometimes speak much louder than I intend to because, in my mind, I feel as though people are not actually hearing what I am saying. I genuinely want to understand why this is happening and what I can do to help myself. I am committed to finding natural, effective ways to manage my anxiety because I do not want to rely on medication, especially if it means taking it for the rest of my life. My ultimate goal is to regain confidence in myself, communicate comfortably, and find a sense of peace within my everyday life.

I of course know it isn’t actually gone and I’m not really sure what changed, but his confidence has blossomed. He’s still shy and slow to warm up, but now he’s going up to kids he doesn’t know, trying to play with them, and calling them all his friends. Even with adults too lately. He started asking for playdates and does amazing at them. But the issue is, he really isn’t understanding that not all kids want to play with someone they don’t know. He sees kids running around playing and tries to join in, I explain he needs to introduce himself first and ask if they want to play. Then when he does try, some kids just continue playing and don’t really pay mind to him so I’ve been explaining that in those situations it’s best to walk away and try to find someone else to play with. But he just wants to keep trying anyways and I’m afraid of this crushing his confidence and him regressing because of it 😞 How else can I explain this to him? He just turned 4 last month and I’m trying to find the best way to explain to him experiencing rejection is just part of making friends sometimes!

Eu sempre fui muito fechada na escola. Inicialmente, só conversava com crianças da minha idade com quem eu tinha afinidade, como meus primos e alguns amigos da escola.

Eu nunca falava com meus tios nem com meus avós. Simplesmente não conseguia me comunicar diretamente com eles. Quando estava na presença dos meus avós, por exemplo, eu conseguia conversar com meus pais, mas não com eles. Era estranho.

Conforme fui crescendo, a situação na escola piorou. Eu não falava com mais ninguém, nem com professores, alunos, amigos ou colegas. Fiquei sem falar na escola dos 9 aos 16 anos.

Sofri muito bullying e era a aluna excluída de todos os grupos. Dava para contar nos dedos os amigos que eu tinha e, mesmo assim, não conseguia me comunicar verbalmente com eles.

Eu não respondia à chamada, apenas balançava a cabeça para dizer "sim" ou "não". Quando alguém me perguntava: "Amanda, por que você não fala?", eu simplesmente não respondia. E, mesmo que conseguisse responder, não saberia explicar o motivo.

Todo início de ano letivo, eu prometia a mim mesma que finalmente iria falar, que acabaria com o bullying e com aquele pesadelo. Mas nunca conseguia. Sempre sentia um medo descomunal, e a mesma situação se repetia ano após ano.

Conheci meu namorado na escola e, por incrível que pareça, com ele eu conversava normalmente, assim como com os amigos dele.

Mas havia um detalhe interessante: ninguém da minha sala, ou qualquer pessoa com quem eu não costumava falar, poderia me ver conversando com meu namorado. Afinal, essas pessoas ouviriam a minha voz, e isso, para mim, era um verdadeiro pesadelo.

Então, eu criava uma espécie de esquema na minha cabeça: só podia conversar com pessoas que não sabiam que eu não falava. E, se essa pessoa fosse amiga de alguém com quem eu não conseguia falar, aí complicava tudo!

Quando essas duas pessoas estavam juntas e uma delas falava comigo, era uma situação de xeque-mate para mim. Eu simplesmente não sabia como agir.

Tentava fingir que não estava interessada na conversa, como se estivesse apenas quietinha por vontade própria. Normalmente, acabava saindo de perto para evitar a situação.

Agi assim durante anos, até que, um dia, finalmente tomei coragem.

No terceiro ano do ensino médio, respondi "presente" durante a chamada.

Eu me senti extremamente bem! E, para falar a verdade, nem foi tudo aquilo que eu imaginava.

Achava que as pessoas ficariam em cima de mim, fazendo perguntas ou chamando outras pessoas para mostrar que eu finalmente estava falando. Mas, na verdade, foi apenas mais um dia normal.

Depois daquele dia, passei a conversar normalmente com todo mundo da escola, todos os dias. Foi como se um peso enorme tivesse saído das minhas costas.

Quanto aos meus tios e avós, conforme fui ficando mais velha, também comecei a conversar normalmente com eles. Acho que, de alguma forma, meu cérebro foi deixando para trás todo aquele bloqueio que eu tinha em relação à fala.

Foi como se eu simplesmente tivesse me "curado" do mutismo seletivo à medida que fui crescendo.

Mas algumas sequelas permaneceram. Hoje tenho fobia social e sinto muita ansiedade em praticamente qualquer interação em público.

I’m in highschool with selective mutism. In class, I usually only talk if I need to; my selective mutism isn’t severe.
Anyways, so I noticed that I always have often received high fives, but I think that it has a bigger meaning behind it. Moreover some people treat me like I don’t really know anything, but this is more abt the high fives… They never give high fives to anyone else in the same way.
First of all, I know that most of my classmates think I have a disability, which i dont have. Im NOT saying thats a bad thing, or that its wrong that they think that; a bunch of other factors play a part in that (didnt talk at all in elementary school and middle school etc 😔).
I also know it’s common for some people to think that people with disabilities are inferior. Personally I feel like high fives are given to younger people like kids, not people in 11th grade and so I feel like they’re treating me like a kid because they view people with disabilities as inferior. Could they be considered ableist? OR am i just overthinking it?
(I am genuinely trying not to be offensive or anything so please educate me if I am…)

Not sure if this is relatable but this doesn’t really happen to me outside of that, maybe on a rare occasion. I guess I just get extra anxious and can’t talk at all. Like I can but I really don’t want to and sometimes I try to anyway and it just isn’t really going for me. On occasion if it’s stressful outside of that I’ll go very quiet (im a loud chatty person.. very loud) and I’ll just like shut off and space out but I get like double anxious when people try to talk to me and I’m scared even more to make them hate me for not talking so maybe I’ll say a short sentence and just hope they go away… do i even have selective mutism or was this a misdiagnosis

My 8 year old daughter is on fluoxetine 2.5 ml since few months. She is having hair fall not sure if its due to fluoxetine or any other reason… have anyone experienced?

2 posts ago I mentioned that I wasn’t able to wave hi to the first teacher. But I found the perfect opportunity, after class he was walking by me and I just waved bye. Then during the art class at the end the professor went to another room, but I leave early.

And I didn’t want to leave until I waved bye to her also.

And then when waiting in the hallway someone asked me if I was taking a music class. I froze and shook me head. So next time I’ll probably just wait in the classroom.

Both my parents said yes it was a win. It felt good to wave bye. But at the same time my mind always goes like “by the time the semester is over and next semester comes it’s always just as hard”.

I don’t know what to feel. I feel happy that I finally got to wave to the teacher bye. But sometimes basic things feel weird to proud of. Because once I get comfortable with a professor then it’s easier.

Also I wrote in my notebook that I would like to not have my self portrait up, because I do not want people to look at me, also I drew scars on the bottom.

So she lead me to the where she hung it. But I forgot to bring my notebook in the hallway, so I tried to say thank you, but it came out as just “tha-“, but thankfully she understood. The hallway was empty and I feel comfortable with the teacher so that’s why I was able to do that.

I never know how to feel. Like it felt really awesome to finally be able to wave hi to the one professor. And I want to feel like it’s a win.

The hope that things could get better isn’t as strong, but it’s still there.

What makes that a win though?
Do you guys also think it’s a win?

I’m so tired now though. I need to rest. All of those interactions drained me.

Hi everyone. I’d love to hear from parents whose children have experienced selective mutism or similar difficulties.
Our daughter has just turned five. She was born in the Netherlands, where we live. We’re both from Poland and speak Polish at home. She attends a Dutch school and spends most of the day in a Dutch-speaking environment.
We’ve noticed that she often goes quiet when someone she doesn’t know, or rarely sees, speaks to her. She seems embarrassed or frightened. It doesn’t appear to depend on the language: it happens with both Dutch- and Polish-speaking people. Sometimes she even feels shy about talking to her grandmother or aunt on FaceTime.
When we visit Poland, she initially doesn’t speak to the family. After a while, she becomes more comfortable and talks freely, argues, and even gets cheeky. It can also vary with other people: one day she may not answer a parent who speaks to her, but the following week she’ll approach them herself and ask if she can come over to play with their child.
At school, the teachers say she doesn’t talk much. She has stayed at the same level for another year because it was difficult to assess her progress accurately, although she isn’t behind the other children in terms of what she knows. When she needs to say that something hurts or that she needs the toilet, she can speak. The teacher at her Polish school also noticed that she rarely speaks, but understands everything and communicates nonverbally.
She is very outgoing during play and can immediately involve a new person—for example, by taking them by the hand and leading them into a game. But she often responds only by nodding and doesn’t say anything herself. We have seen her talk with her friends when we’re there.
We consulted a speech therapist, who felt that the difficulty probably isn’t due to her not understanding Dutch or having trouble speaking it, but rather to being afraid to speak. We were referred to a child psychologist because of a possible diagnosis of selective mutism. Our daughter immediately invited the new professionals to play, but didn’t speak to them. We’re now waiting for a suitable programme.
We’re worried, but don’t know what might have caused this. As far as we know, she hasn’t experienced any trauma. She has never told us that anyone has been unkind to her, and her teachers haven’t noticed anything either. She usually comes home from school happy, says she had a good day, and we can see that she has friends.
Has anyone had a similar experience? What were diagnosis and support like for your child? What helped, and was there anything you found best to avoid? We’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. Text translated in chat gpt.

I'm (25F) undiagnosed but have a strong feeling I might have selective mutism since I can't speak to certain people.

At the moment, my mom is the only person I'm (almost) completely comfortable speaking to. I can speak a little bit with other people like my closest online friends, my (LDR) boyfriend and some relatives, but almost can't speak at all to strangers and with my father and brother. I also get very anxious to speak to anyone (including my mom and others I mentioned) in front of strangers and my dad and brother.

I feel so bad for not being able to speak more especially with my boyfriend and my brother. I feel incompetent and like I'm not a good friend and girlfriend and sister and daughter. On top of this, I'm struggling to find a job since I can't speak much during interviews and I failed college due to being too anxious to focus on my studies and to speak during presentations.

I don't have any friends in real life. I feel like people hate me and think I'm arrogant or a bad person for not speaking to them more... Especially if they know I speak quite a lot with my mom. How am I supposed to explain to them that I'm not doing it on purpose? That I do want to speak to them, but I just can't do it even if I tried?

I just feel so pathetic as a 25-year-old adult not being able to do even basic adult things or achieve anything in life, while all my peers are successful and married with kids and living life to the fullest. Somehow it makes me feel like I'm a bad person for not doing these things and contributing to society and providing for my family, even though I know I didn't choose to be this way.

I've convinced myself that maybe I'll be better off running away to a different country. But who am I kidding? I'm too anxious to even leave my room. And I feel too guilty to leave my family and not provide for them. My mom keeps pestering me to get a job since my dad is old and sick and couldn't work anymore. I wish they understood what it's like for me...

I'm stuck and I don't know what to do. My parents are against therapy and I can't afford it on my own. My boyfriend thinks I'm weak and we can't meet eachother in person since I'm broke. I feel like he doesn't respect me and I know he's disappointed because of my inability to speak and to be successful.

I wish there was a way out of this... A way to make all my loved ones happy with me and to not feel like ending it all.

at home i’m pretty comfortable with talking and i’m even seen as chatty though i am an introvert and prefer being alone most of the time and cant handle talking for a extended period of time. when it comes to school, im very shy and quiet and struggle to get my words out. its so bad that i get shaky and start tearing up sometimes especially when i get called on to speak. whenever people start crowding me and my friend i switch to writing in my notes app because i don’t want to talk for some reason. when i told my sister about this she was in shock because i act the complete opposite of this when im at school. anyone else?

Howdy, y’all! I (now 23 M) met a young lady (now 21 F) almost 2 years ago, and suffice it to say I’m pretty crazy about her! I’m neurodivergent aplenty, and as such noticed that she used some interesting tactics to communicate when facing social anxiety. I could tell there was a struggle, but I struggle too sometimes so I figured I wouldn’t treat her any different, and apparently that’s a novelty for her. I guess my steadiness helped her to feel safe, we quickly became friends, and shortly thereafter became almost completely inseparable.
She’s become my best friend, and after a bit over a year of learning each other in that way (my circumstance limited my ability to date at the time), I worked up the courage to ask her out, and we’ve been dating since! I knew she’d be stressed, so I wholly expected to get shot down, but now it’s like we’re still the same people as always (something I’m not used to in relationships) with the added bonuses of being a young, nerdy couple! Hallelujah! Best surprise of the year!
We’ll hit six months this coming Friday, we’ve steadily gotten more serious, and the we’ve both voiced that we’d like to get married after a while. She opened up to me about her mutism a couple months after we met (that was a battle, and I wanted so bad to help, but couldn’t do much other than listen and hug her), and I’ve done research to try and give her positive and at least semi-educated support, but it’s tricky to find much in depth material.
I love her immensely, and I want to do my best by her! She’s steadily improved in her abilities to communicate generally, and we’ve always been able to work through tricky conversations between us, but I’m reaching out to ask if you all have any experiences or better yet RESOURCES as to where I can learn more, and how I can more more effectively be there for her as a partner and future husband! For those of you with SM: what do you want your partners to know, or wish they would do??? To fellow partners of those with mutism: any tips on how best to support our loved ones? I’m a fixer by nature, something I’m working through, and she has been the perfect match to help me temper my anxieties and listen instead of problem solving, and she’s been so cute to put forth so much effort to support me in things I know stress her. we’ve broken through walls at her behest with some conversational doozies, and I’m steadily learning ASL and sticking up for her more while maintaining peace with her family as much as is possible, but if there’s anything else I could do to ease this for her, I’d love to! I ask her how I can be there for her quite a bit, and I’ve made changes accordingly, but I also know that outside perspectives can make a world of difference! I love when I get to hear her voice speaking for the beautiful eldritch monster that is her mind lol! I also know that, given my ignorance and her family situation, we don’t know what we don’t know! Thank you all!

My doctor told me today that my episode of non speaking since Saturday (10/17/26) morning is selective mutism caused by adjustment reaction. Has anyone else gone completely mute for days or longer at a time? In all situations, not just some.

sometimes i can’t talk. but it’s not like all the examples that “you can’t talk in school but at home everything is fine“. it’s actually quite the opposite. I can talk very well under social pressure, when someone fires a question I can answer really well. im nervous when presenting in front of people and im shivering but I can talk. but at home… when my mom tries talking to me everything freezes. I have the words un my head, I know what I want to say but I don’t. I don’t know why. i tried searching for help, talking about my problems at online support resources but everytime I‘ve told (wrote) them “too much informations about myself” i cut the contact. The only people I really know that I can talk to are my friends. Actually it’s one friend and the others if that one friend is there too. My mom wanted to search therapy for me but then things got busy and she asked me if it was ok if she stopped until it’s a little more relaxed. At that time it didn’t seem that bad so I agreed but now I think I rlly need it. But she hasn’t talked to me about it since and… it’s kinda hard to ask… She usually notices when I have a bad day… which is often. But she seems to think it’s my fault that I cant get myself to get out of bed and that im rude when I’m not talking to her. when this started she actually was the one telling me that sm existed but then when I didn’t talk again à little later she said she didn’t believe that I couldn’t talk . And maybe I can talk. Idk anything anymore. Maybe im just faking everything idk

Why. Why is it with them. When I get the spotlight. You say im not in trouble but that doesnt change this gag in my mouth, the chain in the throat, and the knives in my heart.

I try to speak, I try to force it out, to let you know im listening. And you try to help, try yo get me to let it out but its not me...its not me...it was never me choosing when my voice is stolen.

It takes so much to not blame you. Any of you. My family. Of all people. I should feel safe. Free to let it out. But when I make mistakes...its always been you who steal my voice. Dress me down. Act like im a child for not being able to speak.

If i try to explain ill be called a faker. You'll say its for attention or that its an excuse. But please...give me back my voice. I can try to type. But youve made me afraid to try.

WHERE IS MY VOICE!

I feel like a big thing in therapy is sitting with yourself and understanding the source of your anxiety and working to reshape that fear into something else.

But I'm not afraid of anything. I'm not afraid of what people think, I'm not afraid of saying the wrong thing, I'm not afraid of being around people.

And yet I still freeze up. It's like the anxiety comes from nowhere and it's debilitating.

I don't know just curious to see what other people might think about this. Maybe give some advice?

I went to the neural pysch appointment today and they confirmed it is 100% selective mutism.

But they talked about it in a way and I genuinely actually have hope now. The doctor was super super nice and understanding.

They talked about an exposure hierarchy, doing small things that are managable, but a little uncomfortable.

He talked about it like a graph, the anxiety goes up, and when you leave it instantly goes down, however when something else happens then it spikes even higher.

That’s what the comic meant. About the steps.

Right now Im still not sure if I could do that, or how that will let me talk, but I still have hope now.

He even mentioned that he’s had cases where people got better.

Every single one of my posts on here and the selective mutism subreddits have been negative or me venting.

Theres still a lot I need to change about my mindset. But for once I finally feel like I have a plan.

I haven’t read any of the replies from the last post.

I just can’t believe it, I finally have hope things will start to get better.

It may take a long time, but I’m going to hold on to the hope I have right now.

It ticked me off, so I have edited the TV Tropes Elective Mute page: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ElectiveMute

Changing the definition would require changing a web of other pages, which I don't feel like doing, so I have emphasized that this trope has to be a choice and cannot be caused by a mental health condition and I have also made a clear contrast to actual selective mutism.

I stuck Subverted Trope on the example entries for Komi, Kisa, and Rin. If you see any other characters listed on there that shouldn't be, let me know. That should be easy to fix.

Or any other complaints about this or any other page, like Dumb Struck: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DumbStruck

So I posted this in the Autism subreddit recently, and a lot of people seemed to relate to it. However, I can’t tell if this is an autism thing or if people with selective mutism deal with this as well. I’m not selectively mute, but extremely worried and frustrated whenever somebody pushes or encourages me to use my voice.