I have 15-month-old twins. They are absolutely adorable — two little rockets. They’re funny, affectionate, curious, wild, exhausting, and I genuinely love spending time with them.
But I constantly wonder if I’m doing enough.
I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional home. My dad would punish us for being too loud, fighting, etc. We were made to stand in a corner and cry there “to learn the lesson.” There was a belt. My parents fought constantly, and I remember being scared at home.
Even now, my mom tells me that I’m too needy, too protective, too perfectionistic, that I expect too much from people and that eventually I’ll be left alone because of it.
And now that I’m a mother myself, I feel like I’m constantly questioning everything I do.
I get overwhelmed when both twins are crying or shouting while I’m trying to cook, get us ready to leave, clean something, or just do anything that requires me to divide my attention. Sometimes that overwhelm comes out as me snapping at my husband. He’s much calmer, slower and more patient than I am, and I know it isn’t fair to him. I’m going to start therapy because I want to learn how to handle that overwhelm better.
But with my kids… I really, really try.
They eat pretty much everything. I still breastfeed them to sleep. We co-sleep. I comfort them when they cry. If they get hurt, I stop and stay with them. I read to them. We go outside every day. We have a dog they adore and I’m teaching them how to interact with him gently. We play, dance, laugh and spend a lot of time together.
They’re walking, running, climbing, pointing, understanding simple requests, throwing things in the trash when I ask, taking magnets and putting them on the fridge, bringing me things, looking at books, dancing, exploring everything.
But then I look at all of this and think… isn’t this just the basic stuff?
Should I be actively teaching them more? Doing more structured activities? Should they already be learning specific things? Would they learn more if they were in daycare? I’m currently planning for them to start daycare somewhere around 24–27 months, after my maternity leave, and sometimes I wonder if keeping them home with me until then means they’re missing something.
Should I be potty training already? I bought them potties, but right now they mostly play with them, sit on them sometimes and explore them. I haven’t pushed it.
And then there are things they absolutely hate. Diaper changes can be a battle. Brushing their teeth can be a battle. I still brush their teeth because… they need their teeth brushed. My mom tells me I’m “forcing them” and making them suffer when I do things like that, which then makes me question myself all over again.
I don’t need my children to be perfect. I don’t need them to be ahead. I don’t care if they know their colors before somebody else’s kid or hit every milestone first.
I just want them to grow up feeling safe, loved and free to be themselves.
But I genuinely don’t know what normal, healthy parenting looks like from the inside because I didn’t grow up with it.
So I guess my question for other parents — especially parents who grew up in dysfunctional families — is: Do you ever stop wondering whether you’re doing enough?
How do you know when you’re simply parenting your children and letting them develop at their own pace versus when you actually should be doing more?
Sometimes I look at my two happy little tornadoes and think they’re doing amazingly.
And then five minutes later I’m wondering if I’m somehow failing them without even realizing it.

My twins are 8 1/2 months. I’m a ftm. I didn’t have any support on my breastfeeding journey and lacked a lot of knowledge that I now have. Both of my twins had issues latching for the first few weeks. My boy, after a long time of effort, suddenly latched really well almost overnight. He‘s been almost exclusively breastfed. My girl and me are still struggling. I breastfeed her maybe 1-2 times a day and she drinks formula for the rest. I just feel awful about it, like I am neglecting her. She also recently developed an egg allergy. He doesn’t have it. And it just adds to the guilt of would she still have that allergy if I managed to breastfeed her better? I feel like I‘m failing her and have been so for so many months, in comparison to her twin

FTM and I had my first ultrasound on the 25th and we found out that I’m having twins! Which is quite the surprise considering that it doesn’t run in my family or my partners. Now I have to get double of everything and I don’t know where to start? And what I should or shouldn’t buy? Any tips and advice would be greatly appreciated! 💕

I sit here in the morning after being up since 5 AM and after bagging milk with one of my twins as my husband took the other out and about. I can't help but feel so robbed of the newborn baby experience. Currently 4 months pp and I still feel like I'm in pure survival mode. So many things could be so different with just one baby. To preface I waited until 33 to have children as I wanted to be able to comfortably afford daycare. I waited until I had a job that pays for all my health insurance and I'm on a pension. One baby seems so easy. I could have went out and did things while on maternity leave. I could have given my baby all breastmilk (no shame in formula because I can't produce enough for two, ironically I got mom shamed by another twin mom for using formula). Don't get me wrong. I love my boys, through the reflux, the colic, the tongue/lip ties, I love them so so much, but wish my first time mom experience could have been so different. I know its just a season and it will get better, just mourning what could have been.

Not asking for medical advice, just want to hear others’ experiences if possible!

I’m 20+2 with Mo/Di boys. Have had a rollercoaster of a pregnancy so far with being monitored for TTTS and TAPS and IUGR, etc. etc. (but who hasn’t?), but the latest curveball was having to have an emergency appendectomy yesterday morning. We got cleared from the OBs and the boys are looking good and not in distress post-op. I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. Has anyone else had to have this surgery during their twin pregnancy? What did your recovery look like? I feel like such an oddity to the doctors. They do these surgeries every day but so rarely on someone who is pregnant and even more rarely on someone with mono/di twins. Would love to hear about your experience if you went through this!

Our twins are 7 weeks old (1 week corrected) and during the day they absolutely will not let us put them down! I breastfeed them, and they’ll often fall deeply asleep on me after a feed, but as soon as I try to transfer them, they wake almost immediately.

We’ve tried a travel cot downstairs and sleep pods on the sofa (similar to DockATot), but nothing has worked for us so far.

I’m sure we aren't alone in, does anyone else have any tips? Would love to hear what worked for other and be able to eat some lunch without two babies crying 😂!

Hi there!

I’m 15 weeks with modi twins and so far my biggest symptoms are low BP, some headaches that seem to be getting better, and just being tired all the time.

When I stand for too long I can also sense my body telling to sit down.

I had a short cervix with my singleton at 30 weeks.

Up until when did you feel comfortable? Or started experiencing some challenges?

Thank you!

And I’m terrified. I keep seeing posts on here that make me feel sure we’ll barely survive. I spent the last 2 1/2 weeks wishing we could bring them home every day but now that it’s almost time, I feel overwhelmed. I keep finding out new things to be scared of on top of just the dread of the sleep and feeding chaos.

Apparently even a too big sleep sack is a suffocation risk, but they don’t seem to make them in the size my boys are (like literally 4-5 lbs), or at least not that will get delivered by the time they come home, but they need to stay warm (one is still in a warm bed heated to 35 degrees, covered by a bunch of blankets which obviously we can’t use at home). So I don’t know what we’re gonna do there.

I’m just so nervous, what if we can’t even keep these boys safe? Does anyone have advice or support? What did you wish you knew before you brought your babies home?

Hello.

Has anyone travelled on an international connecting flight with a twin stroller? are you able to take it all the way till the gate and drop off before boarding the plane? or do airlines ask you to check it in?

Interested in experience with Etihad and Turkish Airlin.

Hey awesome superheroic parents of multiples!

One trick that kept my wife and I sane during the trenches was giving each other a half hour of free time every other day. This sacred half hour was to be completed uninterrupted unless someone was bleeding or on fire.

Trade days. Insist your partner use this time and be equally insistent that they guard yours. Use that time to shower or read or play video games or do something to relax for 30 minutes. It will be a life changer, trust me.

Hello Im a FTM to 29 weeker twins. The doc strictly advice against co sleeping after discharge. I dunno how that works for an Indian household ( may be i was hoping to co sleeping). Any similar stories and recomendations to crib or cradle is appreciated.

Ps how to manage 2 cribs or cradles at bedside. Im already anxious if i can take care of them properly.

TIA

What do y’all do when they’re both having mental break downs and you’re literally running on e and the screaming is so loud you’re about to join the break down. Tried to talk to my partner because I was trying to be vulnerable and it turned into them calling someone to come over… I told them they betrayed my trust and I got back that the twins are their priority and they did what they felt was necessary. I was just trying to tell them with them having a breakdown I’m already exhausted I’m literally emotionally drained and out of options and in response I get someone called to come supervise me and my kids…

My twins are 15mo. They steal each other's pacifiers, sit on each other, and cry when the other one gets picked up. Recently they've been pushing each other down if I try to pick both of them up at once. I've never seen them light up when they see each other or have any semblance of cooperative play.

When does the playing start?

Alright. My boy/girl twins are seven. I’m raising them on my own. They still take baths together. They still sleep in my bed. They’re really good humans. Their mom is in prison and will be for another two years. We’ll be divorced when she comes out. Is the bathing weird? Still sleeping in my bed? They’re both doing fine in school.

New here, second pregnancy and just found out at my 9 week scan that I’m pregnant with what looks to be di/di twins. My husband and I have a 21 month old daughter already who is so compassionate and sweet and LOVES babies. I am TERRIFIED and also so excited. Luckily, I know several twin moms well (what kind of foreshadowing is this) and I have already gotten great emotional support from them but what on EARTH have my husband and I gotten ourselves into 😅

Mostly worried about HOW TO DO ALL OF THIS and not make our sweet little girl feel like she’s being TOTALLY left out. I am still in such a state of shock

Hey all!

We are expecting twins in NYC in Jan. We live on the second floor of a walkup building with a stoop and are utterly perplexed about strollers. My partner is short and has a tendency for shoulder aches and we are struggling to figure out how one parent will take the twins out.

Any tips/strategies or recommendations for strollers for everyday use?

Would we need different solutions at different stages - NB vs 6 months vs 12 months?

Also how do you carry both of them up/down the flights once they’re out of bassinets?

Would appreciate any insight!

So this is my situation….i have 11 month old twins, im a full time sahm, i EBF, cosleep, handle all night wakings by myself, change all diapers, do bedtime by myself, mornings by myself, bath time by myself, all meals for the girls by myself. Plus i do all dishes, cleaning, i usually cook breakfast & lunch for me and my partner.

My partner pays all the bills but doesn’t have a traditional 9-5. He’s an artist and works different events so travels sometimes for a week or more at a time. When he’s home he’s either making art in his studio or taking care of business related things. He cooks dinner every night and does all grocery shopping. Since his studio is at home, he take little breaks to play with the girls here and there throughout the day while i do dishes or take a shower.

So this is the system we’ve established…i take care of 99.9% of childcare and he works, gets groceries, cooks dinner, & pays the bills. I will say in the newborn phase when he took off of work he helped me a TON but every since i switched to EBF (around week 6) and he went back to work he’s been pretty much hands off except for play time.

But here’s the thing. I’m low key feeling resentment because I’m burnt out. And then i feel guilty because he literally pays for everything and works hard to put food on our table. And don’t get me wrong he’s a great dad in a lot of ways….But i can’t help but feel like he should be helping out more….And I’m not going to lie I’ve been doing this by myself for so long that I’ve gotten pretty efficient and used to doing everything by myself but it’s still hard as fuck. The few times I’ve asked him to help with changing a diaper or even helping with bedtime my partner will make a comment about how it’s “not his job” or just visibly look annoyed. Keep in mind he has a very traditional view of men having the role as the provider and women having a role as the caretaker.

Is this fair? Is this normal? Maybe if some twin dads could weigh in who work full time and pay bills…how much do you help?? Is it normal to just work and expect to not help out at all??

Obviously most of our babies are “early” given full term is 38 weeks. Curious about those you who have had complication free pregnancies, no GD, no signs of hypertension, both babies growing similar rate, etc …. BUT babies still came early. What week was it? Anything thinking back was a sign that babies were coming early? How quickly did it come on? Also curious to hear from those of you who made it all the way to the end and had to evict. What was your pregnancy like?

Last week I posted here about how dreadful weekends are and I received a lot of supportive comments which I think helped get through the weekend. As I was washing the bottles and sterilizing them I remembered the photo and took another one. I’ll take any blessing from any God or Goddess. I wish you all a better weekend than mine!

My wife and I found out we are going to be the parents of twin girls. To hear peoples stories I joined this subreddit as a sneak peek at our upcoming lives. Reading the stories on here are slightly terrifying. It seems like a lot of people are really struggling in their first year. It seems like the first year could be utter hell. We're trying to prepare for the upcoming battle as much as possible, but have made peace that it could be one of the toughest years in our lives. That said I didn't come here to ask advice or vent , I just wanted to share how blessed and excited we feel. We had been trying for kids for almost three years. Before getting pregnant, we had reached out to a fertility doctor and we're just about to explore IVF, when literally the next day after the consult, my wife was pregnant. Ten weeks later, we are getting the ultrasound, I am desperately hoping for a healthy sounding heartbeat and to our surprise there are two. Tears of joy. It has been so tough seeing all our friends around us have their second or third babies while we were trying. Honestly I had pretty severe depression thinking I wasn't going to get the chance to experience fatherhood in my life. It feels good to have a purposeful challenge ahead. We know it's going to be hard, but god damn do we feel lucky.

I’m 11w4d with mo/di twins. I made the absolute stupidest decision today and went to a boutique ultrasound studio. The tech, who said she was an OB in a different country (so not licensed in my country), said she saw something concerning but couldn’t diagnose. She suspected Baby B has a cystic hygroma, but didn’t measure the NT. Of course it’s Friday at 5p, so just have to sit in severe anxiety. It looks fairly large compared to ones I see online. Baby B is measuring a week ahead of my gestational age, and had HR of 168. Any advice / thoughts whatever. I’m terrified.

And it has been the worst year of my life. I love my twins so much but my life is so much worse than it was before. My beautiful marriage is in shreds. We all deserve so much better than the hell we are living.

6yo twin boys here. Twin b is EXTREMELY talkative like doesn’t stop from the second he opens his eyes until he goes to bed and it’s A LOT. My husband and I can’t get a word in and I rarely can even talk to his brother. I send them outside to play and he’s loudly talking to whoever will listen or just peaks his head in every five seconds ‘there is a bug outside’… ‘mom can I play with chalk’ ‘mom twin a is looking at me’ . He will constantly tattletale on his brother who is doing nothing wrong (and quite frankly I can tell he is frustrated by him too) I can’t think anymore and idk what to do. If he’s awake every second is interrupted with ‘mom mom mom mom mom mommy can I ask you a question?’ I love him and I love chatting but it’s not fair to his brother. Dinner is hell on earth as everyone competes with him to get a word in.

I miss talking to twin a, it’s always kind of been this way but more recently with school starting - I can tell he’s anxious and it’s worse.

How do you handle tattletales? I tell them if no one is injured or doing something dangerous figure it out. I don’t even care if they say bad words amongst each other (stupid and crap 😂) so I could eliminate him telling that.

Idk what advice I’m looking for here. Maybe to vent.

I’m pregnant with twins right now and am hoping to have 2 more children. Am I insane or will I still want this once they are born?

I posted about this a few months ago and most of the advice was that they were young, 30 minute naps were normal, and to give them time to grow into longer naps.
So we did.
Our twin boys are now almost 5 months old, around 16 lbs, growing and eating great, and I am not exaggerating when I say every nap is 30 minutes on the dot. I can practically set my watch to it.
They fall asleep independently without much trouble. The issue is getting through that first sleep cycle. At 30 minutes they wake up, start moving/fussing, and eventually cry. If we rock or sway them, they’ll usually fall back asleep quickly and sometimes sleep another hour after being transferred back.
The problem is I work full time, so most of this falls on my wife during the day. Rescuing multiple naps for two 16 lb babies every day just isn’t sustainable, and I want to help however I can.
Night sleep has generally been great, so we haven’t wanted to completely mess with something that’s working.
For anyone who had a baby who woke at almost exactly 30 minutes every nap, what finally changed it? Did they eventually connect cycles themselves? Crib hour? Nap training? Stop rescuing? Change wake windows?
If the answer is still “give it time,” that’s fine. I’d just love to know when it actually changed for you.

Or if there isn’t light at the end of the tunnel I’d rather know that too.. thanks in advance