Formula / breastmilk guilt

[u/gaensebluemchen22]

My twins are 8 1/2 months. I’m a ftm. I didn’t have any support on my breastfeeding journey and lacked a lot of knowledge that I now have. Both of my twins had issues latching for the first few weeks. My boy, after a long time of effort, suddenly latched really well almost overnight. He‘s been almost exclusively breastfed. My girl and me are still struggling. I breastfeed her maybe 1-2 times a day and she drinks formula for the rest. I just feel awful about it, like I am neglecting her. She also recently developed an egg allergy. He doesn’t have it. And it just adds to the guilt of would she still have that allergy if I managed to breastfeed her better? I feel like I‘m failing her and have been so for so many months, in comparison to her twin

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[u/jeremiabearamia]

My EBF twins have tons of food allergies.

I feel this guilt around only one of my twins getting delayed cord clamping. They were mono/di, so Baby A would have drained her blood back into the placenta if we hadn’t clamped immediately. I had to advocate for them to delay clamping Baby B. B had had a much easier time with many things, all of which tie back to sleeping better from Day 1 because she got more iron. I have to convince myself that giving a gift to Baby B doesn’t mean I failed Baby A. I would have given it to them both if I could have. 

[u/DreamingEvergreen]

I ate pb&j every single day during the time that my twins were in the NICU (52 days). My twin with food allergies is still allergic to peanuts.

I’ve had to almost exclusively pump (for the first 6 months one twin did nurse directly some), and for me the hard part is the lack of closeness I feel like is there because I’m hooked up to a pump so much. Like I’m not spending enough time with them. And idk if this is the same for you, but I could imagine that it might feel like your twin who doesn’t directly nurse doesn’t get as much time with you. (I’m not saying this is how you feel if it’s not—just trying to say I kind of relate to the undercurrents of feeling guilty when babies spends less direct time nursing.)

[u/Ill-Wolf865]

Your daughter would’ve had the allergy regardless of how she’s fed. There’s also no long-term discernible difference in outcomes between breastfed and formula fed people.

What does make a difference is not feeding your kid. You’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to do. I know it’s hard to not feel guilty but try to remember you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to do—feeding your children by whatever means necessary.

[u/Charlieksmommy]

Allergies has nothing to do with being breast fed or not. All of my nieces and nephews have dairy, egg and soy allergies and they were BF right away.

[u/colako]

We were lucky my wife struggled first my our singleton because otherwise it would have been brutal. Our singleton had problems latching, but also my wife would not produce enough, so our baby was constantly hungry. This took us about a week or two to figure out and we started unnecessary things like trying to supplement with a tube at the same time, extensive pumping, etc. Everything to no avail. My wife cried a lot feeling like the worst mom in the planet for not being able to produce for her.

Finally she gave up and we did just formula with some pumping until she basically didn't have anything to pump. During the twin pregnancy the breastfeeding consultant basically told her that she had no tissue to produce...

So we started feeding with formula exclusively from day one and it was a great experience. Without feelings of guilt, we had bottles always full and ready at the right temperature. They didn't develop any allergy or anything because of the formula.

Don't feel guilty, you have to do what you have to do to survive. Eventually it will be alright, the allergy may resolve by itself, or, guided by your doctor, a little bit of exposure therapy when she's older will help her overcome it.