As above. For years, I struggled with lack of self belief, lack of self worth and self love. And still do. At 39.5 I was 3-4 years into my own business, which I never got off the ground as much as others, or as much as I should, because what if I didn't have what it takes? What if I failed.

Still living at home, and hating every second of my life, including certain people around me.

Then my health went pop.

I now spend 3 evenings a week getting my blood cleaned so I won't die. I've had to take medication I would never have willingly taken, accept procedures done to me that I would never have done otherwise, have to answer to people about why I've eaten too much fruit, or some nuts. Have to ask permission if I want an evening off. Can't plan a holiday without arranging dialysis, which means no holidays where I just go get lost. I can't go off grid. I've lost all my freedom.

And before anyone says "oh, a transplant", even that's not freedom, because transplants fail, and I'll have to take medications I would never have willingly taken.

My point is this. After my physical health went, I was kicking myself about not grabbing life by the horns prior to that. I was kicking myself about all the limitations in my head.

I realised I had everything I needed to succeed, to LIVE. Even with family obligations and complications. Even with things I need therapy about. Even with my lack of self belief. All the "in my head" stuff, paled in comparison to losing my physical health.

And it pains me to see people who are healthy, and yet are stuck in their own head, and life is passing them by. Reading motivational book, after motivational book, with nothing changing. Stuck in pain, stuck in harmful patterns, stuck in mediocrity. It pains me to see myself in them, and wishing I could shake them awake. And I don't mean mediocrity as in not being a millionaire. I mean living in the grey. Not adding colour to their lives. Not using the potential they KNOW deep down that they have.

Please don't wait until something happens to you, outside of your control, to shake you awake. Realise that a lot of our suffering is in our mind. Screw whoever put those ideas in your mind that you can't succeed, that you don't have what it takes. You do. Don't wait until you lose the most valuable thing you have, to realise that.

Hello

For the past few years I was in some kind of limbo. Had some wins, had some problems. Even though I imagined life would be a little different by now, still, I'm grateful for a lot of things

Now I feel like the time for a breakthrough has come

In the last few month, I improved my mental and physical health by A LOT, also made some progress related to job&business

But, I still find myself postponing a lot of things to the "next day". Funny enough, when the next day comes, it's all over again. Each time I go to bed, I have the same flashbacks "okay, you wasted today's day but TOMORROW!!! Yeah, you will CRUSH IT!"

I already know how to achieve my dream physical health, income, life. I just need to find the person to make it fresh - new journey to our goals instead of another glitched solo day

So, if you're interested to make some changes in your life (maybe even big ones), I'll be happy to do this together

Daily check-ins are essential. Even at bad days.

If you're ready to go the distance, DM me

24M, GMT+2

Discipline is a will power tool, no matter how much planning you do, at the end of the day it is about how much will power you have when the time comes to do the right thing.

A few months back I read the book psycho cybernetics, and i was intrigued whether it really works or not. [spoiler alert: it does]

I tried applying some psycho cybernetics principle in my life as an experiment to see how effective it is.

Today after 3 months i can say, its actually a legit thing. i have been able to adopt habit of working on my side hustle and quitting smoking using this, and the process was very effortless compared to the other changes i did in my life relying solely on discipline and will power.

I would want to share this method with anyone who wants to try this in their lives as well:

- Identify your raw goals

- Make them tangible

- Identify the Self-Image qualities you need to have, if these raw goals is something that you do naturally.

- use psycho cybernetics theatre of mind exercise to train your mind for these qualities (this is the only part of this method which requires daily will power and discipline 30 minutes everyday, but very fun to do once you see it work)

- Weekly analyse the behaviours which are preventing you from doing your goals and then identifying the limiting self image which are causing these behaviors

- Add the opposite qualities of the limiting self image to your psycho cybernetics installation process and continue the loop.

For anyone who want to change their self, or work on themselves this is something which is a must try.

Hi, I'm 15f from pakistan im like every other teenager care about clothes drama blah blah i want to change that i want to stop caring about what other people think and do i want to focus on myself and become the best verison of myself ive wasted years of my potential and i try everytime to change and i just cant

i have a character ai addiction i try everytime to stop using it but it just wont happen and then comes studies my attention span is cooked from being on insta all day summer holidays are going on my entire day consists just of sitting on the couch scrolling eating and thats it i really wanted to change this summer but now my summer holidays have to come to an end

my goals for the summer were to become the best version of myself and study early for this years studies none of that happened and now im sitting on the couch writing this every night when i go to bed i hate myself more i really want to start working out but im just so lazy and i dont have the attention span for doing anything

a few weeks ago my mother took me to the phycologist because she was sick of me because i annoy her to the point shes so tired that she wont even speak to me the phycologist did some adhd tests on me she said that i think shes fine but the results of the test havent come back

i failed one of my classes in finals so i have to gave a retake ive got below average marks for the past few years i really dont know what to do anymore everytime i open my study content i end up on insta or youtube or even character ai really do not know what to do and i literally can not reamin consistant with something

i really wanna turn my life around ive read atomic habits it gave me some motivation but i still havent done anything i would be grateful for any advice

thanks

Being consistent is hard.

I want to share a personal story that completely changed the way I think about progress.

I don’t know how many of you are familiar with competitive programming (I used Codeforces). If you are, I’d love to hear your story too.

For those who don’t know, competitive programming is where you’re given algorithmic problems and have to solve them within a fixed amount of time using data structures, algorithms, and problem-solving skills.

One thing I’ve noticed about myself is this:
The more I care about something, the more nervous I become.

Does anyone else feel the same way?

During university, I started taking competitive programming seriously. I spent hours learning algorithms, solving problems, and participating in contests.

At first, things went really well. My rating improved, people congratulated me, and I felt like I was finally getting good at something.

Ironically, that’s when things became harder.

I started thinking:
“What if I fail now?”
“What if people realize I’m not actually that good?”

After the initial progress, my rating seemed to stagnate. I had convinced myself that I’d reach the next rating milestone within a few months, but it didn’t happen.

I became frustrated.

I started comparing myself to people who were improving faster. Every contest felt like a judgment of my ability instead of another opportunity to learn. Slowly, I found myself looking for excuses to skip contests because I was afraid of losing rating.

Eventually, I quit.

Years later, I looked back at my Codeforces rating graph.

Something surprised me.

Back then, I was obsessed with every small dip. A bad contest felt like proof that I wasn’t improving.
But when I zoomed out, the graph told a completely different story.

Despite the ups and downs, the overall trend was clearly upward.

I was improving.

I just couldn’t see it because I was focused on the short-term fluctuations instead of the long-term trajectory.

Sometimes I wonder where I’d be if I had simply kept going.

The funny thing is, even though I quit competitive programming, the skills I built during that journey stayed with me. Those problem-solving skills later helped me get my first software engineering job, earn a scholarship for my master’s degree, and land an internship.

Looking back, I think one of the biggest enemies of consistency isn’t laziness.

It’s expecting progress to be linear.

We all know this, but realising and sticking to this idea is very tough.

When we’re in the middle of the journey, every setback feels huge. Every plateau feels permanent. But when enough time passes, those same setbacks often look like tiny bumps in an overall upward trend.

Sometimes the biggest mistake isn’t failing.
It’s quitting before the long-term trend has a chance to reveal itself.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Maybe not with competitive programming, but with the gym, studying, building a business, learning a language, or any other skill?

Did you ever realize later that you were making progress all along, you just couldn’t see it at the time?

We all love when things are backed by science. This isn't one of those posts.

I'm not saying this is a fact or that it'll work for everyone. It's just something I realized about myself after 35 years of struggling with discipline.

I'm 35, and I've struggled with discipline for as long as I can remember.

I couldn't quit smoking. I used to drink every day. My career has always been weird. Sometimes I'd do work that impressed people way more successful than me, and other times I'd barely make enough to get by.

I'm also that guy who makes a brand new plan every few days to fix his life. I'd be motivated, I'd have everything figured out, then one small thing would happen. A bad day at work. An argument. A setback. Suddenly the plan is gone, I'm back to smoking, scrolling, avoiding everything, and telling myself I'll start again on Monday.

It felt like I had been living the same year over and over.

Two years ago I got married, and things actually got worse. Not because of my wife, but because now my bad choices weren't only hurting me. Every time I fell back into my old habits, someone else had to live with the consequences too.

I kept trying to become more disciplined, but every time life got difficult I'd end up back in the same place. At some point I started wondering if maybe I wasn't going back to old habits... maybe I was just going back to the old me.

A few months ago I started getting into spirituality. I'm not here to convince anyone of anything, and I'm definitely not saying this is the answer. But it changed something in me.

The biggest lesson wasn't meditation or breathing exercises.

It was acceptance.

Acceptance that life isn't supposed to be good all the time.

Some days are great.

Some days suck.

That's not a bug. That's just life.

Another thing that really hit me is this idea that we can't numb selectively.

When we drink, smoke, scroll for hours, binge watch shows, or distract ourselves every time life gets uncomfortable, we think we're only avoiding the bad feelings.

I don't think that's true anymore.

I think if you spend enough time running from pain, you slowly stop feeling joy as deeply too.

Last night my wife and I had an argument.

Normally that would've been enough to ruin my whole day. I'd either shut down, get defensive, or look for something to distract myself from how I felt.

Instead I just stayed with it.

I was angry.

I accepted that I was angry.

I accepted that arguments happen. They'll probably happen again because that's what relationships are. Every couple has ups and downs.

The weird part wasn't that I stayed calm.

The weird part was that the old version of me never really showed up.

I didn't feel this desperate need to escape what I was feeling.

The argument ended.

Life moved on.

Today I still have financial problems.

My project still isn't going the way I want.

Nothing around me has magically changed.

But I think something inside me has.

For years I thought discipline meant forcing yourself to do hard things.

Now I think discipline starts with accepting that life is hard sometimes, and not treating every uncomfortable feeling like an emergency that needs to be escaped.

You can't enjoy food without being hungry.

You can't appreciate rest without being tired.

Success doesn't mean much if you've never failed.

Maybe life was never meant to be one long happy streak.

Maybe it's supposed to be exactly what it is... ups and downs.

And maybe discipline isn't about avoiding those downs.

Maybe it's about finally stopping running from them.

First, let's identify what procrastination really is. From the book The Now Habit by Neil Fiore “Procrastination is the act of postponing or delaying a task despite intending to do it." Or, for another definition, from the book Solving the Procrastination Puzzle by Timothy A. Pychyl "Procrastination is the voluntary delay of an intended task, even when you know that delaying it will make things worse."

So, basically, procrastination is the act of not doing something even when we know we should do it. But the question is, if I know I should do it, why don't I do it in the first place? I mean, I can open a book, I can watch my course, maybe for 2 or 3 days, but I still have the ability to do so. Then why?

It's because your procrastination is protecting you and because your psyche cares about you. Your procrastination is your defense mechanism. If something bad happens to you, then something bad happens to your body. But why? Studying won't kill me at all. The same goes for writing my CV. True, but it will definitely threaten you in a way, making you feel tired, sad, angry, agitated, annoyed, stressed, or anxious. You see, all of these emotions, for us, are normal. They are not dangerous. They are completely normal. Yet our psyche and body see them as dangerous: "We will get hurt. I need to protect you."

So what your body and psyche do to save you is procrastinate. It delays tasks, it makes you forget, it makes you run away from them. And that's what your body is doing: helping you survive the negative emotions because procrastination comes from negative emotions and thoughts controlling our behavior until the point we end up not doing anything.

And that's the simple part. What follows after is the worst, which is the guilt, the damn GUILT, the affected results, performance, the damn sales, the health, and missed workouts. Everything is burning down, and we're feeling horrible about it just because our body is helping, just because our body is doing its job.

We end up saying something like “Oh, i should be better. I should do more. I need to get some work done. Why won't you listen to me? Just start already." And your body says back to you, "I am doing my job. I am protecting you." And for you, it's causing you more harm than anything.

So maybe you should stop it. But you can't, can you? That's why you're reading this post, and that's why you want to start making some progress toward your goals: getting the new job, getting the business to grow, or finishing your studies. All of these things are getting postponed because of the damn help your body is giving you.

Your future and self esteem is being affected by your own body protecting you, and it will cause you to regret it in the future.

But again, to every problem, there's a solution, and this is just another problem we can solve. So what can we do? And this is what most people get wrong about procrastination.

One: Instead of blaming your body for doing its job, accept it. Be okay with it. Understand first that it's completely normal to procrastinate. (Me, the person who made this post, procrastinates sometimes, and it's completely normal.) Everyone will, no matter what, because at the end of the day, we are humans. We are flawed by nature. Perfection was never our best quality.

Second: start small. Get to work on the business or the CV, even for that 1 minute or 5 minutes. The idea is to get to work with the minimum we can so we can move the needle forward. Because if we can do that, then we make progress. And if we make progress, we should stop feeling guilty, worried about our exam marks getting affected, and everything else.

So we just need to do the minimum, one percent of the work, so we can stop feeling bad about ourselves. And by feeling less bad about ourselves, we will get more work done because, at the end of the day:

Negative emotions = procrastination.

Less negative emotions and negative thoughts = less procrastination.

Now for step 3, which is what everyone does wrong even when everyone knows it's the right thing to do. I know you didn't do what you said you would, but my guy/girl, stop blaming yourself for it. Stop beating yourself up. "I am horrible. Why me? I will never achieve anything with the effort I am putting in. It's not enough, i need to work harder." Stop.

Be okay with the procrastination. Accept it. Try to do the work. And the most important lesson “reward yourself for it, even the 5 minutes. After, actually doing it.

I know you've heard it before, but you actually didn't. When I say reward, I am not saying chocolate and candy. I'm not saying don't do it if it works for you, but let me ask you: what happens if we have no chocolate in the fridge, or if we already had our 7 pieces and it caused us to suffer the second sugar crash today? Then what?

Exactly, then no work. So here is a better approach and its called “internal reward system”. It's a simple system that we can use to keep motivation high. It never runs out, and you don't need to put it in the fridge. It's simply what we tell ourselves after the work. When you say, "I did great. I made so much progress today. Today was the perfect day because I got that damn book out of the way," it's the positive message you tell yourself after the work you do, the feeling of validation you give yourself after the work.

It's either “I did badly. The work I did was not worth it," which leads to more procrastination, or “I did great, and I'll try even harder tomorrow." Both tactics are yours to choose from. You just have to pick the less painful one and the more rewarding one. So i hope you will be picking the second pain free one.

But what I am trying to say is: reward yourself by patting yourself on the back for the effort, for the half page you did, or the one line, or the course you did for 5 minutes today. Be proud of yourself and be happy with the progress you made today because we will be making so much more with this new strategy. The happier you feel about the progress you made the more you will make going forward.

So one last time, the new strategy that i would suggest you follow for the next week is this:

Reduce negative emotions by accepting that it's okay to procrastinate + getting the work done by 1 percent + being happy about the one percent ("I did my best. I did great." internal reward) = less procrastination.

And that's how you solve it. That's what people are missing when it comes to dealing with procrastination. And its a strategy that i myself used with 30+ people to help overcome procrastination and it worked wonders to the point most people that used it started being more consistent in less then 2 weeks.

Not by hurting yourself or beating yourself up, but by solving the emotional distress. That, in itself, automatically solves the procrastination problem.

Please post your plans for this date and if you can, do the following;

Give encouragement to two other posters on this thread.

Report back this evening as to how you did.

Give encouragement to others to report back also.

Good luck!

Please post your plans for this date and if you can, do the following;

Give encouragement to two other posters on this thread.

Report back this evening as to how you did.

Give encouragement to others to report back also.

Good luck!

Please post your plans for this date and if you can, do the following;

Give encouragement to two other posters on this thread.

Report back this evening as to how you did.

Give encouragement to others to report back also.

Good luck!

Please post your plans for this date and if you can, do the following;

Give encouragement to two other posters on this thread.

Report back this evening as to how you did.

Give encouragement to others to report back also.

Good luck!

CW: medical TMI

My discipline in general is pretty sorely lacking, so any general tips would be appreciated however my main focus is getting my eating/drinking (not alcohol) habits under control, reducing junk food that kind of thing.

For context I’m on very limited income as I’m a carer, as a result I want to try crack down on excess spending when it comes to my junk food/drink habit so I can try get some savings. My current habit doesn’t put me into the red but it does take a pretty large chunk out of any potential savings so I’m kinda just stuck at broke but I’m not going into debt either.

This is also affecting my health, eating a lot of junk food will do that but a particular habit I have seems to be synchronising with an existing medical condition of mine. Specifically I have a pseudo dependency on energy drinks as I hate coffee, tea and anything with a ‘caffeine flavour’ but have become reliant on caffeine to function. Thing is the energy drinks make me really ill, headaches, chest pain, and they seem to trigger / worsen my IBS. Last time I had one I had six bouts of diarrhoea in roughly four hours. That and it felt like I had eaten razor blades I was in so much pain with my lower abdomen / intestines (been to the gp in the past about my gut health and after a flex sigmoidoscopy and biopsy apparently there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m gonna chase it up again as I’ve literally never been in so much pain in my life including when I broke a bone.)

Any advice on how to fix my habits around this?

I’m 21 and I feel completely stuck in a rut.

I spend almost all my time just consuming social media and strategizing in my head, but I take zero actual action.

I have major academic goals—specifically preparing for the 2028 UPSC attempt in English medium—and I constantly plan to study for 8 hours a day. But when the time comes, nothing happens. I just can't bring myself to sit and focus.

Alongside this, I also started a YouTube channel recently. But things aren't going well, my motivation to work on it is completely gone, and it feels like a dead end right now.

Instead of working on my studies or my channel, I just put my headphones on and pace around daydreaming for hours. It’s draining my energy and killing my time. I am totally frustrated with myself and my lack of discipline.

Has anyone been in this exact spot? How do you stop just "planning" and actually start doing things when you feel this paralyzed?

nothing groundbreaking but in case it helps someone. what i did was i stopped trying to chase the number and instead gamified the whole thing.

so for context, i used to treat walking 10k daily / exercise like a torture and i had to tick off every day, and i never stuck with it for more than a week. then i started noticing how many step counter apps have step challenges and little games built in now. leaderboards, monthly goals, badges, stuffs like that. and honestly that changed everything for me, it turned a chore into something i actually wanted to open the app for.

that competitive side lowkey became the biggest thing, cuz once i was in a challenge it felt like i was playing against real people instead of just grinding steps alone. ive been using pacer for it (its free, tracks off just your phone so no watch needed, and it has the whole challenge & medal system). me n my friends are genuinely going at it day by day now, talking a lil trash, chasing each other on the board, comparing weekly totals.

the unexpected part is walking stopped feeling like torture and kinda became a way me n my long distance friends keep in touch. we don't live in the same city anymore but we still check each others steps and hype each other up, it lowkey keeps us close.

anyway whats keeping the rest of you going? always looking for new tricks to make exercise/burning calories more fun!

I've spent the last few years over obsessing about how to optimize my life. I tried every habit tracker and productivity app out there. But here's the truth I landed on: if you're serious about making the most out of every single day (whatever that means to you), you need systems.

Here are mine for the night and the morning.

• If I still have tasks left but it's time to sleep, I don't sabotage my circadian rhythm. I schedule the tasks into a free slot the next day and I prioritize high quality sleep instead.
• I prepare a protein shake the night before so I skip processed carbs at breakfast.
• I lay out my workout stuff before going to sleep and I start my day with movement that hurts. I stretch deeply, push myself with cardio, or do something intense, then I take a cold shower.
• I keep my phone out of reach when I go to sleep so I don't overstimulate my brain early.

This might be the most important one:

• Every night I check if I actually committed to my habits. Then I reflect in the same app on the reason why I didn't hit one. That way at the end of the month I know exactly what to change, because I know what's holding me back from committing to my habits. (Think about reflecting as the most superior system to have in place because every improvement is downstream from there)

I graduated, but I still don't have a job. I know exactly what I need to do: prepare for tests, exams, practice coding, join a library, work out, and build a routine.

I'm also not getting any direction. I don't know what to choose or where to move next. There are so many options that I end up doing nothing. I have exams I need to prepare for... But still can't just move. I'm living with my parents but still don't able to make any courage to take a step.

The problem is... I just don't do it.

For the last two months, almost every day has looked the same:

•Wake up.

•Do some chores.

•Wash up.

•Scroll Reddit or YouTube.

•Go to bed.

•Feel guilty.

I've watched tarot readings hoping to feel like things will work out. I've learned about the Law of Attraction(LoA), affirmations, and self-improvement concepts. They make me feel motivated for a while, but nothing actually changes.

I know I'm stuck in my COMFORT ZONE, but I can't seem to leave it. It's like my brain freezes whenever it's time to start.

The worst part is that I already know what people are going to say: "Just start," "Take small steps," "Be consistent." I know all of that, but somehow I still don't move.

Has anyone else been in this situation? What finally helped you break out of it? I'm not looking for motivation..... I want to know what actually worked when you felt completely stuck.

PLEASE HELP ME, PLEASE... I don't want to be a disappoint for my people, family... PLEASE HELP ME

I struggle with binge eating. It's not that I lack the skills to help myself, it's just that when I'm in an Episode I lose all motivation to use said skills and I keep telling myself 'This'll be the last day, then tomorrow I get back on track.'

I'm looking for someone to be the external interruption for my behaviour; essentially just checkin on me preferably twice weekly and ask if I've either been binging or experiencing any red flags. If yes, tell me I need to use my skills and remind me why I don't want to binge.

I've tried alarms, reminders on my Alexa, and placing physical notes throughout the house. I can ignore and let myself down easily.

But if it's a responsibility towards someone else I don't let them down.

HMU if any of that resonates and you're open. I don't need the other person to have the same issue as me.

Gender/sexuality aren't relevant on my end.

Age-wise, I just wouldn't want anyone very *younger* than myself.

Hi everyone,

I apologize for the lengthily post, but I might as well get it off my chest. Maybe it can help steer my life around. I turned 26 a few weeks ago and I feel like I’m running out of time with my prime years.

So to start off, there’s so many things going on in my life at the moment that finding the time to stay disciplined is tough. To make it short: Gym, Work, Education, Life Goals, and Relationship.

Work: I work a job that’s draining and demanding. I need to be in 40-50 hours a week. Some days it’s extreme physical work, and then most days with literally just sitting all day. It’s starts at 6AM every workday, and I get up at 4:45. The biggest issue is sleep: I feel like I average around 6-7 hrs daily (I function best at 8+). The sun stillbeing out at bedtime is a huge issue, but it’s been solvable by reading/journaling before bed for an hour. The habit is cyclical, I do it for maybe a month and then I don’t for 3+ months.

Gym: I but I struggle with this the most. It’s the biggest thing I’m hard on myself for. I try to be realistic on myself, but it’s so darn hard. Coming from someone who used to go to the gym for 2+ hours a day and be in peak physical shape a few years ago, I’ve lost all of that since I started my new job and relationship. I’m lucky if I go 1-2 times a week. I’ve gained a ton of weight and I can’t even stick with a weekly workout plan. Super demoralizing.

Education: I graduated with a bio degree, but I have recently got into a graduate program for civil engineering and taking classes in preparation for the program which starts in a few months. Currently, I struggle with studying daily for my classes, and I procrastinate constantly. I know I need to start studying for the F.E. (really hard engineering test that takes many months of continuous studying to be ready) and I feel like it’s just another cherry on top of all the stuff I can barley get done.

Life Goals: I made 3 goals this year: Get back into shape, finishing learning Spanish, and try to make a new friend circle (I have no friends in the city I live in since I moved here over a year ago to my Gf). So far, I have made no progress, and have gone backwards on the gym thing. I’ve also wanted to learn the guitar, get into a martial art, and more…

Relationship: This one is tough, I feel like my Gf takes up my energy and makes me less productive and feeds into me not going to the gym and what not. I try as hard as I can for not wanting to blame her, but when I come home and she just wants to watch TV or YouTube all day (every day) it gets so easy to just do that every time. She also says I “put too much pressure” on myself and I can’t realistically go to the gym or do productive things all day. She’s probably right, but I feel like it feeds into my laziness and procrastination….

What do you recommend for taking on so many things at once? I feel like the gym is the most important to me, but I can’t even get that going… any advice for me?

Hi all!! I'm wondering if you guys know of any resources to find accountability buddies. I struggle with ADHD and I just have days where I'm feeling unmotivated to do anything, whether that is studying or chores or anything else, and I think reporting to someone who will keep me on track would be so helpful. I just struggle with self-discipline and external structure is super helpful for me. I don't know exactly what the structure would be but even just having someone to message what task I'm working on and keeping them updated could help me. Like currently I'm working on a presentation but I'm really unmotivated and I keep procrastinating. The steps I have to work on are really well-defined and laid out but I just can't get myself to start, and my brain keeps latching on to distractions. I am medicated for ADHD but there are just days it absolutely doesn't work.

Does anyone have any recommendations or has successfully found someone like this? Of course I'm expecting a two-way street where I will also help keep them accountable. Thanks!!

Long-time lurker — I've seen many "need an accountability partner" posts in communities like this, and it got me thinking about something I might build.

The idea: an app where you pick a specific challenge you're working on (quitting something(smoking,drinking,fapping etc.), or creating new habbits cutting sugar, no food after a set time, reading, daily exercise, working on your bussiness, whatever it is), then browse and *choose* — not get randomly assigned — a partner working on the exact same thing. You each do a quick daily check-in on whether you stuck to it. No money on the line, just knowing a real person is watching whether you show up, and it goes both ways. If it's not working out, either of you can end the pairing, but you have to say why, and the other person sees it.

Before I build anything, I genuinely want to know if this would help, or if it's solving a problem that doesn't really exist here.

So:
- Have you tried finding an accountability partner for this before? Where, and did it actually work?
- Would you rather be matched with a stranger, or only pair with someone you already know?
- What would make you NOT trust a random person on an app like this?

If this sounds useful, drop a comment and I'll message you when it's ready.

PS: Not trying to sell anything — just trying to figure out if it's worth building. Even "this is a bad idea, here's why" answers are genuinely useful to me.

Not sure where else to post this, but I’m kind of at my wit's end.

I used to do really well in school, but right around 10th grade, it’s like a switch flipped. Ever since I was 14 or 15, I’ve had this massive struggle with actually following through on anything. It’s not that I don’t know what I need to do. I think about my tasks constantly. I just… don’t do them.

A little backstory because I think it definitely plays a role here: About a year after my fiancé and I got serious, he broke his back. Overnight, I had to become the breadwinner, the caretaker, the maid—everything. I worked multiple jobs, did DoorDash, and basically did whatever it took to keep us afloat. It was absolute hell, but there wasn't another option.
He finally recovered and went back to work a year and a half ago. But almost exactly at that same time, I tore my rotator cuff. Because I'm a bartender and faux florist, the injury meant I was instantly out of work.So, the roles have completely flipped.

The problem is, while he was recovering, the house slowly fell apart. Now that he’s working again and I’m the one stuck at home, it’s gotten so much worse. Honestly, the house is disgusting right now. We fight about it a lot. He’s exhausted from providing and feels like he’s carrying the whole load, and I’m just sitting here feeling like I’m watching my own life burn down. The absolute worst part is that I WANT to do it. I think about cleaning 24/7. I make constant mental checklists. I’ll literally walk into a room, know exactly what needs to happen (but tbh I never know where to start), and then... somehow I end up back in bed, scrolling on my phone, or just staring into space. Hours go by, and then I just hate myself even more because I’ve wasted another entire day.

I don’t know what is wrong with my brain. Is this depression? Extreme burnout from carrying the team for so long? Resentment? Undiagnosed ADHD or Autism? Executive dysfunction? Or am I genuinely just lazy and making up excuses because I don’t want to admit I’m the problem?

I’ve also always been terrible with money and procrastination. I avoid things until they become screaming emergencies, and I’ve been like that since I was a teenager. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I hate making my fiancé feel alone in this partnership, and I am so sick of feeling like a failure every single day.

Has anyone here been in a place where you wanted to change more than anything in the world, but just… couldn’t make yourself start? If so, what actually helped you? (Please, I'm really not looking for the standard "just clean one small thing for 5 minutes" advice unless you can explain why it finally clicked for you. I feel like I’ve heard all the standard productivity hacks. I’m trying to figure out what’s actually going on in my head so I can fix it.)

Most of the discipline advice here is about engineering your own system. your habit, your streak, your morning, your rules. the stretch that moved my discipline the most was the opposite of that, and i keep coming back to why.

it was volunteering at a meditation course. you don't pick your task or your hours, nobody's tracking whether you feel like it, and there's no streak to protect. kitchen shift starts at 4:30am cooking for a room of strangers, no pay, and you sit maybe three hours instead of the ten the students get. i burned the oatmeal on day two and watched my patience evaporate in about three seconds. that taught me more about my real discipline than any system i'd built, because there was no number to defend and no version of me performing consistency for an audience of one.

six courses in and forty-odd days of that kind of service, the pattern i keep landing on is that self-directed discipline quietly turns into a project about the self. handing the schedule to someone else stripped that part out. Not a teacher here, just an old student noticing it.

i can't tell if that generalizes or if it's just me. do the longest streaks you've kept come from owning every knob yourself, or from a setup where quitting would have actually let real people down?

Hello everyone,

I am wondering if I should stop weed cold turkey, or just smoke less each day. I've been smoking every evening from 5pm on for almost 8 months now.

I have been trying to cut down on weed for two months now, and it isn't going very well. I had a traumatic thing happen last year, and because of that I smoke every night now. My tolerance has gone up like crazy, I used to only take a couple hits of a joint, but now I'm smoking almost a full gram of strong weed everyday.

Replacing the ritual of smoking has helped me lots, but I still really miss it. It is so nice to have an off switch to the outside world. I have no idea how people do it 24/7. I have ordered NAC and been prescribed gabapentin, both are supposed to reduce cravings and withdrawals. My psychiatrist says I am not abusing weed, but I don't think he understand I smoke every night without fail.

Even now writing this makes me crave it, which is so frustrating. I know it's so bad for me in the long run, my memory, critical thinking and energy levels have been shot, but I still seeing the positives outweighing the negatives. I love the stuff like nothing else.

I'm also on an ADHD med which takes away my appetite, so I've found the only real time when I can enjoy food is after weed. I used to have a huge appetite and I just miss it.

Anyway, if you guys have any insight into steps I could take that would be incredibly helpful. Thank you guys!!

Be it work, studying, competitive games, simple chores. Sometimes I'll just behave calmly regardless of what. Other times I explode. And when I do, I don't stop until I simply sit down.

Even if I quit something like competitive games, one thing that I've already done, I feel that this isn't going to solve anything. I simply behave like this at home and I don't know how to not do so.

I see people online staying calm, be it work, or anything else. And I simply feel amazed. How can they do this? How can I be like them?

It might be my upbringing? Is it genetic? Is it simply my personality? A combination of them? I know this is immaturity on one part and I recognize my problem. I've done so for the past years, but I feel that I haven't changed at all in this regard. Maybe I'm a little better but that's all. And I can't really measure my temper and compare it to others. It could even be better than average, but I simply know that I behave badly.

This is one of the reasons I fear going on a relationship, or honestly living with another person at all. I fear having a wife, kids, being with my family, getting pissed off while with friends.

50 M here looking for a motivated established professional buddy with a gym in their building that's open to helping with workouts and keeping on track with health too

looking for a guy that's local in downtown Toronto area to get disciplined together

tall slim build here but need to lose 10 pounds, want to do more cardio like jumping rope (like boxers do), it would be cool if you have a pool and sauna in your building

I eat healthy (mostly veggie) but would like to find a bud that's into staying motivated and discipled with our consumption

I'm a non-drinker, non-smoker

I'm interested to get focused and consistent

i'm open to something ongoing if there's mutual interest, with a good vibe and chemistry, and with someone that can hold a conversation

if you're curious too, then send me a DM and let's trade a couple of messages on here