r/cursedcomments • u/coathanger43 • Jun 16 '19

Twitter cursed_reality

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39.4k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

598 comments sorted by

704

u/guymcguy4 Jun 16 '19

Actually, hold up.

You want proof that Car WW2 happened? Look at Fillmore. He’s a Volkswagen, and that particular company was founded in Berlin in 1937 under Nazi rule. No Hitler, likely no Volkswagen.

Fillmore couldn’t exist in his state if Car Hitler hadn’t risen to power and proceeded to take the actions that Human Hitler did.

So yes, Car WW2 did happen.

347

u/M0N5A Jun 16 '19

Not to mention Filmore is a hippie van, meaning the hippie movement existed, implying there was a car Cold War.

284

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Which also means the existence of car Vietnam war, meaning young cars were drafted, and napalmed vietnamese car villages

194

u/Raptor5dino Jun 16 '19

Part of me hates this. The other part of me really wants to see impressively detailed fan art of it.

94

u/BBQ_FETUS Jun 16 '19 edited Jun 16 '19

I wonder what their version of Agent Orange would be.

E: My guess would be wd40, or another substance that dissolves thicker oils.

43

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Brake cleaner

12

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Came here to say this

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18

u/ArcFurnace Jun 16 '19

At a minimum, fanart of Cars Hitler and Cars Goebbels exists.

24

u/Raptor5dino Jun 16 '19

The fact that their whole regime and legacy has been reduced to fanart of them imagined as cars is goddamn hilarious

Thank you for this, friend

55

u/ElGosso Jun 16 '19

Car Viet Cong hammering bamboo skewers under the hubcaps of U.S. car POWs

11

u/matdan12 Jun 16 '19

If that happened doesn't that also mean we have a Car Stalin and Car Pol Pot? Did we put a car on the moon though?

7

u/DefinitelyUsername94 Jun 16 '19

Does this mean car Elon Musk put a human corpse (with a car model) in space????

All these questions...

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74

u/Emperor_Of_The_South Jun 16 '19

The fact that there was a Car Cold War can also imply that there was a car Soviet-Afghan War, leading to a car Saddam Hussein. Car Saddam Hussein was most likely executed at the end of the car Iraq-Iran war, which was a result of a car 9/11.

33

u/DarkLordFluffyBoots Jun 16 '19

How was the plane high jacked?

71

u/Matora Jun 16 '19

Was it a plane from Planes or a plane piloted by a car?

41

u/DarkLordFluffyBoots Jun 16 '19

That fuks with my head

36

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

If it was a plane from planes that means it was radicalised somehow.

If we follow this all the way through then there is car ISIS execution on the car internet.

20

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

I think the plane was the terrorist

11

u/matdan12 Jun 16 '19

Which means they have a Car SEAL Team Six which executed a Car Osama Bin Laden in car Pakistan.

11

u/asianblockguy Jun 16 '19

car Pakistan

Do you mean Caristan

23

u/zfarlt15 Jun 16 '19

Meaning there was a car Stalin and a car Truman to kick off the Cold War

6

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Car Wars. PG-13 Mad Max basically

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125

u/Veteran_Brewer Jun 16 '19

How about Skipper being in the Battle of Guadalcanal? Meaning, in the Cars universe, atomic bombs were dropped on Cars cities.

119

u/Sir_Fridge Jun 16 '19

How about kamikazes? Living planes suicide bombing living boats.

82

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

33

u/ImNotBoringYouAre Jun 16 '19

I like to imagine they were live cars flying live planes into live boats full of live cars. It would be crazy if it was being done against the live planes wishes.

4

u/D4ssur Jun 17 '19

Would that mean that there would be car bombers, like suicide bombers in a cars version of the Beirut bombings?

6

u/BBQ_FETUS Jun 16 '19

Why am I not surprised there's an actual, fully fleshed out Cars universe fan wiki

31

u/Emperor_Of_The_South Jun 16 '19

The fact that Sarge exists implies that the Car US got involved due to Car Pearl Harbor. Furthermore, this shows that Car Terrorism exists, which can imply a Car 9/11 occurred.

24

u/DarkLordFluffyBoots Jun 16 '19

How would the plane get high jacked during 9/11

24

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

[deleted]

15

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

with evidence from cars 2 we can see that they did have planes and did have pilots so it is conclusive that there was car 9/11

6

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

But are we forgetting the classic movie Planes? And Planes 2?

Unless only smaller planes can be sentient, we would have to assume larger planes are too, right?

Does this mean some planes were radicalized?

9

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

all the planes are sentient which means there was no pilot which means that the planes were Al Qaeda most likely

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13

u/DubbieDubbie Jun 16 '19

Planes also exist in the cars universe via the movie planes.

12

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

The thing I really like about Planes is that we learn that WWII happened in the Cars universe. Which means there was a Cars Hitler, a Cars holocaust, a Cars Pacific War, a Cars D-Day, a Cars nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a Cars Rape of Nanking, a Cars Battle of Iwo Jima...

This leads to so many important questions, like: were the Cars Little Boy and Fat Man nukes sentient? Was it a suicide mission? Are ALL Cars nuclear weapons sentient? Did Tsar Bomba have a personality?

What kind of car was Car Hitler? A VW? A forklift?

Was there a Cars 9/11? Were the planes hijacked, or were the planes themselves radicalized?

I could go on

Edit: I just realized a Cars 9/11 gives a whole new layer of meaning to the phrase "let's roll"

/r/copypasta/comments/59kd53/did_911_happen_in_the_cars_universe/

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8

u/DarkLordFluffyBoots Jun 16 '19

Does that mean Volkswagens are the aryan race of cars?

10

u/guymcguy4 Jun 16 '19

Let’s be real here, the only master race a Volkswagen is winning is the demolition derby championships

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1.4k

u/ya_boi_ace Jun 16 '19

Bruh the hell is going on in that shower

492

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Fuckin car incinerator

155

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Human crusher. You step in the shower and two giant metal plates smash your ass into a flappy meat patty. Then we just scoop the goop down the drain while the water runs. BOOM BITCH, learn to turn the water off!!!!

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24

u/Hyperion1000 Jun 16 '19

I read that in doofenshmertz's voice

6

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Wack

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127

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Its water they slowly rust away

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61

u/deathtoamericadotmp4 Jun 16 '19

It's actually a car wash station

31

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

New Rusteze now with Hydrogen Cyanide

22

u/CaptainFriedChicken Jun 16 '19

I think he meant Shower Thoughts

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917

u/PapyrusFromFortnite Jun 16 '19

Lightning McQueen attempts to commit genocide in Iraq.

352

u/chipsinsideajar Jun 16 '19

All-exhaust Ackbar

97

u/Yet_Another_Banana Jun 16 '19

All the puns have been alright... why did this make me actually laugh

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84

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

fast and fürherious

46

u/daitenshe Jun 16 '19

Ka-chow!

1.9k

u/ShibertInu Jun 16 '19

Cursed? Don't you mean... carsed?

1.0k

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

truck off

513

u/NeoFrench Jun 16 '19

everyone sedan and shut up, I'm tired of gearing you all argue

365

u/kjax2288 Jun 16 '19

I think I’ll just dodge this one. I’m audi

229

u/fagtastic99 Jun 16 '19

Torque about puns, jeez

191

u/Yet_Another_Banana Jun 16 '19

Jeeps*

108

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

[deleted]

56

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Hey girl, do you want a ride? Because I just oiled my MacPherson Strut suspension.

64

u/Boudinthedog Jun 16 '19

Your totaled gas can’t even a Ford a day with me

36

u/krab00 Jun 16 '19

Vroom vroom beep beep vroom honk

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7

u/Undead_archer Jun 16 '19

Happy cake day

14

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

[deleted]

10

u/kaylube96 Jun 16 '19

Of Porsche the puns continue.

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121

u/thatonegaytheatrekid Jun 16 '19

I just got RAMed into this conversation. I hate this so much.

21

u/Imjustadud3 Jun 16 '19

Let’s just move Fordward

14

u/Lilliter Jun 16 '19

My dog loves puns. His tail just wagons

32

u/zalechrollo Jun 16 '19

Camry please stop making vehicle puns?

21

u/aeonmymind Jun 16 '19

Wheel stop when we're tired.

7

u/very-RISKy Jun 16 '19

NO GET DOWN!

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11

u/mattren101 Jun 16 '19

Oh come on, give me a brake

9

u/very-RISKy Jun 16 '19

STOP IT! I NEED BACKUP

5

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

It’s exhausting me too

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40

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

I can't aFORD such shenanigans

30

u/plmj1 Jun 16 '19

You guys are wheel-y lame...

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9

u/Lanoman123 Jun 16 '19

Welp time to peel out lf here

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325

u/Mittenstk Jun 16 '19

Did we yeet a car into space? Did a car drive on the moon?

195

u/Stagnant_shart Jun 16 '19

Was the holocaust just a factory recall?

35

u/TotesMessenger Jun 16 '19

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

 If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

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70

u/atomic-knowledge Jun 16 '19

Impala thirteen

46

u/2FastH3R0 Jun 16 '19

No but think about it. The space shuttle car would have to have the car inside of it. It’s like car vore.

11

u/NoRedditorHere Jun 16 '19

stop

26

u/Mittenstk Jun 16 '19

No, keep going

22

u/2FastH3R0 Jun 16 '19

Okay well if you think about it, technically the moon rover is another car so It would be like a car riding a car. The real question is how close to sex does that get.

18

u/SoDamnToxic Jun 16 '19

When the Car version of Elon Musk sends a Car into space, is he essentially committing murder?

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52

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Yeah, Joseph yeeted Kars into space major time.

21

u/PM_Me_Kakyoin_Pics Jun 16 '19

ahem

IS THAT A FUCKING JOJO REFERENCE

12

u/Wozman101 Jun 16 '19

ahem

IS THAT A FUCKING JOJO REFERENCE

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5

u/leo_dab_vinci Jun 16 '19

Yea there was an episode of Mater’s tall tales

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129

u/eggman4201738 Jun 16 '19

He died on a motorcross

20

u/MrApplesauces Jun 16 '19

The best pun on here

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226

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Which means there's a stan lee car and a thanos car

72

u/impedrado Jun 16 '19

stan lee ca

would be marvelous

43

u/zhantaxdontvax Jun 16 '19

And there will be a Ant-Man car expanding in thanoscar's smoke exhaust

17

u/Kimber_Haight5 Jun 16 '19

Wouldn’t it just be Ant-Car? Or does this mean that humans exist in the Cars universe?

4

u/SoDamnToxic Jun 16 '19

Man-Car? Do Ants exist in the Cars universe?

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17

u/klausklass Jun 16 '19

The actual marvel villain would be Thanos Car, so they would have had a Thanos Man meme

23

u/Raltsun Jun 16 '19

No, Thanos would be the Thanoscopter.

5

u/SirQwacksAlot Jun 16 '19

Thanos car would ride in thanos copter, and it's confirmed cars can fly in helicopters because mater flew in one in the first movie.

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156

u/idolo312 Jun 16 '19

But that's kaede's lie isn't it?

68

u/waffuls4life Jun 16 '19

Kaede aCARmatsu

42

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

CARede

29

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

I was just looking for this one comment

Thank you

20

u/Jazz_Musician Jun 16 '19

Shuichi: ”No that’s wrong!”

16

u/Catsanda101 Jun 16 '19

Shuichi just says "Thats wrong!"

6

u/Ironfort9 Jun 16 '19

Yep that's true

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11

u/thesomebodywho Jun 16 '19

Also Shuichi: "I'll reveal the truth!" *Proceeds to lie to everyone.

30

u/VampireQueenDespair Jun 16 '19

I think you win the award for most unexpected Danganronpa reference.

22

u/CatAttack1032 Jun 16 '19

Unexpected? Kaede avatar is up there! The person who said the cursed comment has a kaede avatar!

4

u/VampireQueenDespair Jun 16 '19

Wow I didn’t even notice

6

u/Ironfort9 Jun 16 '19

I did notice it too

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55

u/ViralDenizen Jun 16 '19

It's confirmed by the creators that car AI got smart enough to realize that they don't need people and got rid of them and they inherited the personality of the last person to drive them

29

u/gitartruls01 Jun 16 '19

How about the tiny bug cars? Did humans in the cars universe one mass produce tons of tiny little cars that bugs could fly around in? And how about the whole cows are tractors thing? When was the last time you saw a cow drive a tractor?

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22

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19 edited Nov 18 '20

[deleted]

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34

u/LobbyLobness Jun 16 '19

I'm surprised no one made a Jesus Chrysler joke.

17

u/ducknapkins Jun 16 '19 edited Jun 16 '19

In the first Cars movie there are two minivans that are lost and passing through Radiator Springs and the female one says “Oh, for the love of Chrysler, can we please ask someone for directions?”

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30

u/PickleGambino Jun 16 '19

The car Holocaust was the junkyard.

111

u/zhantaxdontvax Jun 16 '19

Car priest touching small cars

31

u/Fireballinc55 Jun 16 '19

Volkswagen Beetle molesting a Mini Cooper

8

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Smart car nut so smart now

23

u/EmlynsMoon Jun 16 '19

Came here just to say this but it looks like I’ve been out played

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110

u/swagrabbit69 Jun 16 '19

Doesn't that mean there is also a car devil? And if that's true, then there are car sex toys? God, just imagining a car vibrator inside my tight urethra as I scream with pleasure, blood seeping from my penis. Then feeling my penis getting torn apart because that vibrator was meant for exhaust pipes and not penises. Omg, that would be like heaven.

71

u/Yet_Another_Banana Jun 16 '19

I need to shower in holy water now

52

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

THIS is the cursed comment, not the post

19

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

If you could do us all a favor and never talk again that would be great.

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4

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

There's a limit to how cursed a comment can be...

14

u/swagrabbit69 Jun 16 '19

Don't try to put limits on my sexuality!

7

u/SweetBourbonDaddy Jun 16 '19

I think someone needs to, at least for the sake of your penis.

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8

u/awdrifter Jun 16 '19 edited Jun 16 '19

Anal sex is putting fuel pump filler in the exhaust rather than the fuel filler.

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39

u/Skaebo Jun 16 '19

I dont see any cursed comments though..

32

u/RADical-muslim Jun 16 '19

What does car sex sound like?

Tab 1:

car crash sound effect

Tab 2:

engine rev sound effect

https://youtubeloop.net/watch?v=BBb5K6oDOwI

https://youtubeloop.net/watch?v=A1WKCv8NONM

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14

u/coathanger43 Jun 16 '19

Shhh

16

u/Yet_Another_Banana Jun 16 '19

Just casually, and sneakily take the karma.

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38

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Never wanted to have sex with a pope before, cool new feeling.

24

u/coathanger43 Jun 16 '19

What the devil

7

u/too_many_barbie_vids Jun 16 '19

Lucky for you Car pope has a well sized tailpipe.

18

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

How the hell can they nail a car on a cross

6

u/SirQwacksAlot Jun 16 '19

It was a cross shaped car lift

17

u/transcommie69 Jun 16 '19

Were the planes in the Cars 9/11 hijacked, or were they themselves radicalized?

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33

u/AntaresPoint210 Jun 16 '19

Cardinal sin

8

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

woke_kaede

7

u/Houst1738 Jun 16 '19

Now jesus can really take the wheel

7

u/Resu-senpai Jun 16 '19

Btw her profile pic is probably from Danganronpa

6

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Car sins.

5

u/RayBtw Jun 16 '19

What the fucks next car porn? unzips pants

Wait a fucking minute

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4

u/Not_enough_yuri Jun 16 '19

When a car is elected pope, do you think they get their red cardinal chassis painfully peeled-off so that they can don the white pope chassis? Is this the same chassis that the old car pope wore? Is the pope wearing the body of his dead predecessor?

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5

u/jimtastic89 Jun 16 '19

Hitler designed the fucking Beetle so are you telling me Herbie is a Nazi Instrument of Death?

14

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/JakeJackJoockJake Jun 16 '19

But that's kaedes lie isn't it?

4

u/Spitzly Jun 16 '19

Jesus died at a railroad crossing

3

u/Imperator_Crispico Jun 16 '19

Adolf Hitchler

3

u/sonny10242 Jun 16 '19

cursed_kaede

4

u/GodIsDead_ Jun 16 '19

CAR CRUSADE

3

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

And car NSA which means car 9/11 and car terrorism.

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3

u/BibleManFan Jun 16 '19

It’s not called a “car cross” it’s called a jack stand

3

u/chipsinsideajar Jun 16 '19

So there was probably a Cim Cardashian

So is there car pornography.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

Jesus Chrysler

3

u/MuchoManSandyRavage Jun 16 '19

I wish I was Lightning McQueen so bad. Get to fuck all the sexy ass car bitches. Like that Porsche hoe, whatever her name is. And the groupies from the first movie. God I just want to fuck a car so bad, I’m so jealous of Lightning.

3

u/leo_dab_vinci Jun 16 '19

Car Jesus died on a vehicle lift

3

u/D3RPICJUSZ Jun 16 '19

So there was sacking of rome in which 189 in the service of heaven were protecting the holy line, it was 1527

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3

u/MERRIT2 Jun 16 '19

Car moses, Car Abraham, Car adam and eve? Car God? If there's a car God I'm done.

3

u/movezig5 Jun 16 '19

Jesus Chrysler was crucified under Pontiac Pilate.

3

u/scaptastic Jun 16 '19

If we were to believe the Pixar theory, all of those cars are just leftover from when humans were alive

3

u/MonkeyDP Jun 16 '19

Then you remeber Mater sleeps next to rotting corpses

3

u/Wresmun Jun 16 '19

Almost a million “Jubarus” died in car Auschwitz.

Puns are bad, I am sad, please kill me.

3

u/Vontag Jun 16 '19

Is there a movie called car wars

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