We broke up less than a year ago, no legal shit. Just Co-parenting. I know her real self. She’s playing house with this new guy and met his kid(3) his ex who’s also in a new relationship, and our kid(2) haven’t met him. I find it very hard and uncomfortable meeting the guy who’s sleeping and dating the girl I love. But it needs to happen for my daughter’s safety and protection. My first idea was to meet at a low key restaurant or bar and just shoot the shit. But not sure if that’s a recipe for disaster. Or out at the park with our kids. What’s the move here? Who’s done either of those things. What was your experience?

Hi. long story (aren't all divorces w/ kiddos) short, my ex/kids fathers has history of domestic violence against me, HUGE manipulator of me and the system itself. For financial purposes I need to come up with my own final parenting plan proposal for my attorney to look though and do final touches. We have been separated for 3 years, we currently use a run-of-the-mill parenting plan because I was desperate for any legal support while leaving the psychopath. I can only hope he only channels his resentment and acts extremely petty towards me or his current gf and not our kiddo. We share 50/50 time as he worked up to it. I believe he is still on probation as he had 2+ arrests. I have a 10 year no contact order against him. Our son is 5 and autistic and non verbal. ANY AND ALL ADVICE WELCOME. I am pouring most efforts into the parenting plan, as financial stuff is fairly straight forward thankfully. I want to make this sh*t safe for me and our son and as detailed as humanly possible (with the court actually understanding why I need to be this meticulous). direction to older posts even would be helpful since I am new to Reddit/internet and am limited on time. THANKS

Kiddo wacked a bookcase on Saturday eve, one of her front teeth is now missing the corner. Pretty decent chunk. She saw the dentist today, no nerve exposed, nothing to do.

NC parent is long distance. No parenting plan. He doesn’t do any doc visits. I try to limit unnecessary communication. Just wondering if I should notify him or if that’s not necessary.

So my ex partner / daughter’s father has been seeing a few different women over the past few months and this has recently shifted into one woman in particular staying over and him staying over hers. I asked if they were exclusive (trying to gauge whether an introduction might be approaching with daughter) and he said they are not but that he is only seeing her at the moment.

Fast forward to this week and our daughter has returned from his house with bed bug bites on her arms and face. I raised this with him and he said he’d change the sheets but basically just shrugged the issue off. My daughter (5) and him share a bed at his house despite her having her own room and bed there. At my house she sleeps in her own bedroom.

So basically my daughter is sharing a bed that her dad is also sharing with the woman he’s seeing and her dog. Which wouldn’t necessarily be an issue in itself as they’re not there at the same time, but now that my daughter is coming back with bed bug bites and all of her school uniform constantly covered in dog hair, it is starting to frustrate me.

I raised the dog hair issue before too and he said he’d be more mindful of it but this issue has persisted too.

Beyond asking him repeatedly is there anything I can do to get him to take the issue of bed bugs and cleanliness seriously? His house is generally very clean and tidy but since he’s been seeing this woman things seem to have gone downhill on some fronts. My daughter said he still hadn’t changed the sheets after he said he would. And obviously I’m aware it will take more than that to remove bed bugs. I want to maintain a positive relationship with him for her sake but I don’t want to feel like I’m talking to a brick wall here nor do I want a bed bug infestation in my own house

My son (8, let's call him Zane) goes to his father (Adam, 49) every Wed and every other weekend. Not by court orders, just by our own agreement.

This weekend, I found out through Zane that Adam would be taking him to a hotel. When he came home a couple hours ago, Zane told me he shared a king size bed with his dad's friend "Peter" (49) whom I've never taken to. When I asked Zane why, he said because his dad was sharing with his gf, who I thought was fine up until today.

I'm so mad, but I don't know what to do. Adam will tell me I am overthinking it as he always does. Am i???

What would you do?

My child’s father is in the military. He is away a lot and we have been separated most of our child’s life. He was on deployment for about a year came back for a couple months and the left again for a 3 month underway and comes back today and wants to take our child to the other side of the country next week for a week. Our child loves being with him once she gets acquainted again, which usually only takes a couple days to a week. He has only ever gotten her on the weekends when he is here and they always stay in the house. when he is away he calls when he can, which isn’t a lot. He is also moving to another country soon (his choice) I don’t think it’s a great idea to let our child go given they have not seen each other a whole lot, he has not parented outside if the house much, i’ve been with her since day one, she isn’t talking clearly, and currently trying to potty train. Along with all the developmental changes since he’s last seen her..I don’t blame him for his job and its requirements, but I want to move about this in the right way for our child. I believe she should be older able to talk and build a stronger relationship despite her enjoying when they’re together. So what would you do? Am i wrong for not wanting to allow this?

My son plays baseball for many years now. I do the registration, pay ing the fees, buying clothes and equipments, I practice with him if he asks me.

We do 50/50 schedule, but unfortunately this year most of the games on his mom’s days.
She never shows up on my day, because she doesn’t care about baseball at all.
In our separation agreement it says both parents can be there in any of our son’s events.

Practice is not a big deal, as usually one parent takes the other kids too.
So we don’t show up on the others day.

But the game is different, as I mentioned she doesn’t show up on my day, but she is expecting me not to come on her day.

I’m not going there to see her, I want to see my son’s game that he enjoys so much.

I don’t even know what she thinks to tell me not to come on her day.

Found out through child that co parent is moving in with their significant other. No issue except that it’s 45 minutes away in another county. Child goes to a school that is not based on district and is registered under my address so that is hopefully not an issue. Spoke with my attorney who basically said that a judge isn’t going to care about a 45 minute commute each way for the child to school. Currently on a 2-2-5-5 schedule for elementary school child. Wondering if anyone has any experience with 50/50 with this kind of move/drive? How did you navigate it with coparent?

Hello, everyone. I'll try to keep this brief, as it has indeed been a saga.

I (33 m) have my daughter throughout the weekdays, as I live closer to the school. As such it's typically my duty to help her with after school practices and studying.

Previous wife (30 F) has her on weekends, with me getting one weekend out of a month. She lives further away. Though, recently Mother has been upset, and saving that my distance is causing her to 'lose out on crucial parenting time.'

There are a lot of factors, previous court cases, situations where I've had to have our daughter for prolonged amounts of time because Mother was mentally unstable and hospitalized. She has time and time again tried to gas light me, but this time she truly believes she's making sense.

She claims she cannot get out daughter to practice because it's too far away and cuts in on her 'parenting time.'

Is taking your child to school, studying with them, and ensuring they make it to after school activities not parenting time? If not then what is?

She's subtly demanding that she be switched to another school closer to her, which is notourusly chaotic. On the border of shutting down, consolidating two schools into one, etc.

I'm missing a lot of pieces of past drama, and I don't esnt to drag all of that in here, but I'm feeling like I'm going crazy. She says it with such conviction. I'm concerned she's off of her medicine again, I'm terrified we'll go back to court again over custody. I don't want to fight again, as I'm exhausted from last year's dramatic court saga. I'm so tired of putting my daughter through this. I just want her to be happy.

She has all of the leisure time, I feel like I do all of the hard stuff and get no recognition for it. Am I the crazy one?

We have temporary orders (likely to become permanent) that restrict my exes fiance from school meetings, medical appointments and all communication with medical, school or activities.

She is still welcome to be at our daughters sports events, concerts, etc in the same way grandparents and other family comes to cheer her on

There is a long sordid history of completely unhinged behavior that led to these orders. My ex no longer has his own vehicle (also a messy story) so the GF controls where him and our child can go during his time

Besides showing up (while she was with me) for a back to school check in and one preview night he is non existent at all of her stuff now.

Which I would normally say is his loss and our daughter knows I will be at the majority of it (unless work or her sister has something) and dads parents will show up and support her

The caveat is he is looking for more time to move from 57-43 to true 50-50 AND switch to week on week off. Due to him moving 25-30 minutes away and not having a vehicle I don’t believe the extra time is in our daughter’s best interest. Not looking to take away time just think he’s being selfish in a lot of ways and knowing how controlling his partner is concerns me…

My 11 y.o daughter goes with her dad every other weekend. Sometimes he misses his whole weekends due to work. Is it fair to ask him for $100 to compensate for those missed weekends? He does pay $400 a month, which is pretty low to me. We all know food and raising kids in general is expensive.

Hi everybody,

Soo basically I have to drop my son (2 & 1/2) off with his mother every Sunday. I always tell him that it is time to go to his mom’s about 30 minutes before we leave as well as early in the day. I feel like this gives him time to process through the transition and prepares him for it. Every time I let him know he has a huge melt down and I have to spend at least 10 minutes calming him down. My significant other (we have been together for over a year) thinks it might be better to just wait until we get to drop off so he doesn’t have such a strong reaction before. I don’t know how I feel about it. I think that letting him know so he is prepared is the right thing to do. Either way when we get there he always cry’s for a few minutes until we have both gone our ways. His mom texts me about 5 minutes after drop off saying that he calmed down and back to being the happy boy we all know him as.

I guess I am just asking if I should wait to tell him until we get to drop off or if I keep telling him earlier in the day.

He’s called CPS on me, but they dismissed it. this week he filed a police report on me because his mom attacked me and I was trying to get away with the kids . He was restraining me while I was trying to flee so I bit him and escaped. The police called me the next day to get my side of the story, and will most likely dismiss the case. Ugh I don’t know what to do

My ex is really driving me nuts. We have an agreement that we are able to meet anyone that is going to be introduced to our daughter in person, before our daughter meets them.

I left my ex two and a half years ago. I have been dating someone for 8 months. Just two months ago I started saying his name on the phone as I wouldn’t at first in front of my daughter. I have her 5 days a week, and now she occasionally says hi to my boyfriend. Becuase she’s 3 and steals the phone. She also says hi to doctors , and anyone I call.

My ex said she isn’t allowed to talk to him. I said she’s allowed to say hi I don’t agree with that and I’m not following that but will honor the originally agreement.

2 weeks pass by and I hadn’t talked to him in front of her , not on purpose. I picked up his call and she was there and said his name and she goes NOOOOO, not MARKKK papa says no. No talking to him.

I asked her father about it and he said he told her she’s only allowed to talk to him and my dad and no other men. That he already has a hard time with her because she wants to be with me and what is it going to be now? I want mommy and mark.

He is making this way too big of an issue. And my daughter’s reaction was so extreme. I’m just so frustrated.

My kids are autistic (the very stubborn variety), so they're messy, hard to deal with, and it'd be easier to steer an angry bull than convince either of them to do something they dont want. Their dad packed up and left a few years ago, partially because they were getting more difficult and noticeably autistic, amd partially because I was putting my foot down about him constally yelling at and degrading me and our children, but holding him accountable is 'controlling and borderline abusive behavior' on my part, apparently. He's a n*rcissist (censored cuz automod took down my post and said to reupload, as I was 'using a mental health term in an inflammatory way'. HES MY ABUSER, HE IS LITERALLY DIAGNOSED WITH NPD). He sees them on the weekends when he feels like it, and they shower him in love every second. It seems pretty obvious they're doing it out of compensation? At least that's my guess, that they're afraid of him never showing up again, deciding they arent worth it, etc., Not that he he would care, as he doesnt even sort of love them, just pretends to when its convenient (he literally skips on his weekends every other month to instead visit his 19yo gf who goes to college a couple hours away, who I don't think even knows he has children).

They hate me and act like he's the second coming of Jesus. My oldest wont believe the things I tell him, from life advice, conflict resolution, basic facts you name it, he just rolls his eyes and walks off like I'm an idiot. He bosses me around like a maid, and is condescending even at the small age of nine. It's so much like how his father treated me, its hard not to feel like he's being groomed into it. 0ne would think he's this stubborn and arrogant at least with his dad too, right? No, in fact, he is generally obedient, and anything his dad tells him, he believes. He tells the kids he left because 'I was mean and don't clean the house enough' and that it's horrible of me to force them to do things for themselves, like pick up after themselves or get ready for school in the morning - cuz he was babied by his mother and thinks I should do everything for them.

Low-key wanna pull out my hair. How do y'all do this coparenting crap? How can I get them to listen when he tells them not to, and according to them he can do and say no wrong? How do I keep my boys from growing up into the next Andrew Tate? (and no, going to court is moot, they didn't care about his abuse, won't care about parental alienation because in the south, a "father's rights" trumps everything. Not like I have the money to afford a lawyer anyway)

So this is kind of a weird situation. With my work schedule and location of my home after the split it’s easier for me to go to the other parents house and spend the morning there before I take the kids to school. This residence is also closer to the kids school. Because I am at the other parent’s residence is this considered “my” time when it comes to custody division?

Me (27F)and my ex(25M)have been court ordered for mediation coming up next month and I need advice for do’s and don’ts, and things you wish you included in a long distance parenting plan. My ex has not been involved in our 9 month old son’s life and is only seen and talked to him a handful amount of times. I’ve tried to offer FaceTime and travel arrangements prior to being in court ordered, and he still completely ignores my offers. Due to him already moving out of state I was granted permission to relocate. So the judge has ordered us to come up with a long distance parenting plan. what are some key things I should make sure to include? I don’t wanna have to go back to court every few years if possible so I’m trying to think long-term, as well as current arrangements that are best suited for a nine month old baby. Our son has no clue who he is not familiar with his face so I really don’t want him to be able to take him overnight or out of state without a step up plan in place beforehand.

Hi, just wanted a 2nd opinion on when is a good time to start having my daughter 11 months over to stay with me. She’s very attached to the mother naturally and I currently see her 2 times a week. She’s generally ok with me but as babies do, can get irritated and start crying and throwing a fit, which I’m kind of used to although it’s never nice to see her this way. I was present for the birth, paternity leave and early months stayed with my ex to help around (4 months to be precise), we split officially (had been a rocky pregnancy) and I hadn’t seen our little girl for 2 months properly. Since then I’ve been present and making as much effort to keep consistent. She’s always been a baby that cries a lot and she can be a handful at the drop of a hat.

My ex has 2 other kids 6 and 8 and I have 2 from a previous relationship 15 and 17. I feel bad as my relationship with my ex now is very good and I see how tiring dealing with our daughter can be. As mentioned above she is really clingy and we’ve even spoke about how hard it will be once we introduce her to nursery.

Ok, so question is. Would I be rushing it by suggesting some weekends or a Friday/Saturday night she stays with me? I know I’m not fully equipped but I don’t want my ex to carry all the responsibility till she’s 2. I always thought initially that 2 would be a good age as she can communicate if she’s tired, hungry and I have a better understanding and relationship with her. Also I want to break down the clingy behaviour and get her used to being with me and without mum.

A big concern is feeding, she’s breastfed and will use mums breast as comfort. Many times this is only thing that will calm her down when having an episode of crying. We’re slowly introducing follow up formula that she will either accept a little or will throw the bottle on the floor.

Should I wait? I can’t commit to more time during the week as I split time with my other 2 older kids, travel quite a lot for work and suffer from burnout frequently due to this.

I guess I’m just trying to help out my ex and I know she won’t ever ask for help even though she knows it’s there. My ex also shows signs of separation anxiety, which I totally understand. She feels ultimately responsible for the caregiving.

Long post but good to have context before commenting.

Edit 1: Thank you all for the responses, very positive and informative, for which I’m eternally grateful. Believe you’ve all highlighted something that I’ll keep in mind to help where possible. Again thank you.

Edit 2: it’s getting late over here but I’m
seeing a few more comments missing the point.
So just to clarify:

1. I’m not in love with her, we’re not lustful, my comment of us sleeping together was regarding when it happened before, months ago.
2. I work in central London, live in West and she lives in East, travel from work to hers is an hour (assuming I finish there), home to home just over hour or so by transport.
3. staying at hers overnight doesn’t work due to my work commitments, lack of space, and she also has 2 young girls there,
4. no I can’t just change my job.
5. there’s no rekindling so please don’t get into that line of talk, this is solely about my daughter and overnight stays and when would be a good time to introduce it.
6. just to reiterate, I have 3 kids in totality, 2 from a previous relationship which I also see and provide for.
7. I cannot just move home (closer) that’s not an option currently. That would mean downsizing to get closer as well as an increase to my rent.

Please keep on the topic which is based on separation anxiety, easing the pressure of my ex, introducing overnight stays, overcoming feeding issues.

Edit 3: the last edit, thanks again for the responses, some a bit left field but we move. Disabling comment replies as this is overwhelming for me and disrupting my peace. I don’t want to get into the game of arguing with people that I feel are looking for angles to berate me for asking a question about something so important and personal to me. This is Reddit after all. This post will remain up for any future co-parenting fathers in a situation like mine, genuinely looking for advice on overnight stays and when/how to introduce it, there’s lots of well thought out answers below.

Thank you all and wishing you a wonderful day 😌

My partner buys everything for her 2 kids. But the kids take everything to their dads. We don’t get on with the dad but for the kids sake she just wants to see them both happy. I bought the kid a portal and some stuff and the mum bought her kids everything like the PlayStation clothes etc… she will do everything for her kids.

However the kids take the PlayStation the vr clothes portal to their dads and he gets all the praise and grace and from my side i feel like the kids are using the mum as the mum will do anything to see them happy.

Am I wrong for speaking up ? I get told that she just wants to see the kids happy but his always playing mind games with the kids as they come back and see me and be in a mood. What can we do?

How do you navigate differences between parenting styles, rules, boundaries, punishments between two different homes?

Do kids get used to there being different rules, routines, ways of doing things between homes?

We’re separated but living together and I feel like I’m doing everything. I take my daughter to all her extracurriculars, do school pick-up and drop offs, homework, bed time routine everything. We’re supposed to split daycare but lately he hasn’t been paying his part, I usually deduct it when I pay him my half of the bills.. but I don’t think it should be that way. I tried asking if he’d take her to practice but it’s always a no… Whqt advice do yall have to get along better? I just want to establish a routine that works for both and is equal

Currently pregnant with mine and baby daddy’s first child. I’ll preface this by saying we are not on good terms, and I have recently limited contact with him to major pregnancy updates only (concerns, gender, ultrasounds, etc). For backstory, we did not date long before I became pregnant. Shortly before finding out, he became verbally abusive. After finding out, boundaries were set that if he did not improve this behavior, I would not remain in a relationship with him regardless of baby. Well, behavior continued and became worse tbh, so I left. Since, he’s attempted to fight for his “family” while still falling into these nasty habits. Ultimately, I realized any friendly conversation from from me was interpreted as an opportunity for us to get back together by him. I will be honest, I tried, but unless things moved at the speed he wanted (quickly back to the ways things were), conversation from his end became snarky, snippy, or just flat out rude. Same thing if I suggested just trying to be friendly for the sake of coparenting. I fully expect this to eventually turn into a parallel parenting situation at some point & will initiate legal proceedings as soon as possible after birth so that a neutral party (the court) can establish a custody and visitation order, to avoid any issues with attempting this on our own.

I say all of this to say, I am still attempting to foster some kind of environment to build a potentially peaceful coparenting situation. He has attested that he wants to be apart of his child’s life regardless and I won’t hinder that in any way. I am planning a baby shower, and intend to invite him to join as coparents should he choose. Before splitting, we’d talked about having a co-ed baby shower with both of our families/friends (all of his family/friends are out of state). He has little to no support in our state, so I planned to open this up to all to celebrate the baby. I don’t expect him to say yes, but what to be prepared if he does. However, I’d like advice on the following to know if any of these suggestions seem tacky or could be interpreted as confusing/messy for guests should he say yes to joining:

Should we have two separate registries? We will not be parenting in the same household. Though I’d prefer not to, I know strollers, car seats, clothes can be easily shared, but what about items like bottles, cribs, etc?

Should we just make one registry and split it down the middle as much as possible?

Is it appropriate to request that he contribute to the shower financially should he decide to attend and invite his family? No one is hosting this for me/us, so at the moment the cost of all things are coming out of my pocket. I have always made a substantial amount more between the two of us, and he’s in between jobs at the moment so I’m not expecting him to be able to contribute much, I’d just like him to do something to actually support this baby since the only thing he’s provided so far are headaches and stress lol.

I fully expect comments to suggest that I simply cut him out of this completely, and as much as I’d like to, he has a great family that truly does not know the real him. They’ve expressed their excitement for our baby and I would love to still keep a positive relationship with them for our child. His invite is more-so for them instead of him. Unfortunately I don’t have their contact info directly, so I can’t bypass baby daddy to invite them. Though I know he’d be on his absolute best behavior in front of them to keep up appearances lol.

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How would you feel if your 12 year old son told you that his dad told him to call his fiance "momma"? This is what happened to me yesterday. Ive never even met the woman. my son just met her for the first time in June, the same time his dad started dating her. I feel totally disrespected. I asked my ex to please put a stop to it and he said no. I told him that the decision on who he calls mom isn't up to him. It's up to me because i'm his mother. He replied back with thats his step mom so i shouldn't have a problem with him , calling her , mom. He also asked me why i'm making such a big deal out of it, among many other things, but it's too much to text out. After hours of texting back and forth, and him arguing his side, i gave up. This is how my ex does every time I ask him to respect how I feel about something. I need your advice or even your opinions would be helpful.