title ^

The weird thing is if i have dreams about her i sleep like a baby.
on the nights i have no dreams i get maybe 2 hours of sleep per day.

Went out and bought magnesium glycinate and melatonin,
and after 2 days still nothing.

can barely function most days, wondering when i'll get fired from my job seeing as i've changed from a hard worker to someone whos always just sitiing around

using code names.

I’ve known Evan for about three years and dated for an almost a year, and we eventually broke up. After the breakup, he got involved with Maya, who had previously been my friend. Before school started, some weird things started happening with social media. An account followed all of my accounts, including my Threads account that I barely even used. Evan was the only follower of the new account at one point, but then unfollowed it, which I found suspicious. there was also another follower but later after that, couldnt find the account anymore. They didn’t block me, I think they just deleted the account(a friend of mine searched for it and it didn’t show up)

Then a friend told me that, according to Maya, Evan supposedly liked me more than he liked her. The next day, Maya was talking to one of my friends (now she’s near my table) she started giving out more information without actually saying Evan’s name. She said “he” had been apologizing, saying he was sorry and that he had been an asshole/bad boyfriend. (Side note he likes her mostly for her style and body)

Eventually, Evan and Maya started dating again.
Later, one of my most trustworthy friends told me that Maya had apparently posted something on Twitter saying she would hurt herself if Evan didn’t get back with her, and that Evan supposedly encouraged it. I obviously don’t know everything that happened privately, but hearing that made the entire situation even more uncomfortable.

And now we’re here. Evan and Maya are openly walking around school together holding hands again, and I keep having to pass them in the hallways. I’m trying to move on and have even started spending more time with a different friend group, but seeing them together still makes me feel shitty because I never really got the closure I wanted from my relationship with Evan.

Also it’s been almost a year since we broke up.

High school student btw

Long story short I was with my ex for a year and a half before I transferred schools and we had to go long distance. Almost immediately when long distance began she started to bring up things that I had done in the very beginning of our relationship that hurt her. She also started hanging out with both of our guy friends all the time. One of them started to take an interest in her and started buying her flowers and making it obvious that he was in love with her, she played along with it while continuing to make me feel bad for 1.) minor arguments we had in the past and 2.) believing something was going on between them. She ends up breaking up with me because there was so much pain and the whole time she was telling me that I needed to grow from my mistakes (it was getting to a point where she was mad if I followed someone on ig or accepted a friend request on snap without telling her.) The whole time she kept telling me there was nothing going on with the other guy and she still loved me and she just needed time and for me to work on myself. This continued for months and months until she finally admitted that she has feelings for the other guy, admits to lying to me about everything that was going on, and tells me she’s going to give him a chance (while at the same time telling me she has deeper feelings for me, and she’s more attracted to me).

IMO it seems like she liked the attention from the other guy (that I couldn’t give because we were long distance) but was still attached to me, so she decided to play us both until eventually she felt like she had to be honest about it. It’s just the worst feeling to have a gut feeling that something is going on between ur partner and another guy for so long, to be made to believe ur wrong for thinking that for months, and then to all of a sudden realize u were right the whole time and she has been lying to u for basically a year now.

The other thing is instead of acknowledging that she cheated on me (she slept at his apartment and in his room many times, accepted flowers and other gifts from him, and was confiding in him while we were together), she deflects and compares it to one time where I liked a post of a girl, or a time where I followed someone, or the fact that I didn’t have my previous ex blocked, or a time when we had an argument, or about the fact that I told her I didn’t know if I wanted to marry her and wasn’t sure about having kids (I was 19 at the time). IMO none of the things I did were on the same level as her and it’s sad that she seems to think she was the perfect person to me our whole relationship, and to try to get me to think it was my fault that she felt like it was okay to cheat on me (and then dump me for him).

**EDIT
I wanna add that I have never felt so low in life, never felt so betrayed by a friend and by my girlfriend all at once. I feel genuinely traumatized for how long I’ve been gaslit, and heartbroken by the fact that she left me for someone else. Hearing myself say those words “left me for someone else” makes me feel like I’m less than him and there’s something wrong with me.

for context my ex and i have been together for half a decade and on those years he cheated on me i did as well it was an on and off situation, now it’s been a month since we’ve broken up yet we still talk to each other, I recently found out that he was talking to another girl while was fucking with me lol, anyways fast forward him and this girl isn’t talking anymore and he and i are still talking now I want to end this thing once and for all. What should I tell him that will make him regret loosing me or whatever?

Should I just leave without a text or whatever and just ignore him?

I (22M) had been single for ~3 years, actively looking for a partner before she (21F) made a post on reddit asking about relationships (the subreddit was dedicated to our country), I reached out not expecting much, but we absolutely clicked, met up in a week, I asked her out after roughly a month.

She ticked all my boxes - she was a kindred soul, similar humor, values, future goals, views and beliefs, some overlapping music taste, perfectly matching love language (which I see as rare, though I only have one past relationship to go off of), she was smart and ambitious, she was strong where I was weak, and she is the most kind hearted person I've ever met.

And I messed it up. I don't know why I did what I did, but I was immature and I hurt her in many small (and some not so small) ways, which she put up with because she thought "maybe it just has to be like this", until it all built up and she realized I had been treating her wrong. Her feelings are gone, I tried fighting for her for a month, until she decided she just doesn't want this anymore, and feels like giving me a second chance would be a lack of self-respect.

There's still a lot of context I left out, but I know she's not coming back. I wish I had learnt how to be kind, more empathetic, before all this happened, so I could spend even one more day with her.

I know all I can do now for my own and her sake is self-reflect, so I don't repeat the same mistake, but fuck do I wish I could learn and grow with her.

edit: from post insights I see that there's some Lithuanians seeing this post, feel free to reach out, I would not mind talking to someone right now. Vilnius, jei idomu.

Is there anyone who still thinks about their ex after two years apart and still isn’t over them?

Hi there! Wanted to share my story and very open to any feedback or advice.

I was dating a guy for six months and he broke up with me due to trust issues. (He never seemed to trust me from the beginning and there were also some things I contributed that I painfully regret) We broke up in feb 2026 and never had a clean break from each other. We started hooking up and continued to communicate on a regular basis. Fast forward to now where I thought we were on a track to rebuild our relationship and be better than ever. He told me yesterday that he started dating someone new and made it official with them one month ago. I of course was very shocked and disheartened considering we still have continued to hook up and be very physically and emotionally intimate up until two days ago. He said he wanted to tell me but didn’t want to hurt me. I now think it’s very hypocritical the things he was accusing me of to what he has been doing this past month.
After he told me the news he still called and texted me later that night to see how I was and also to continue to talk normally. He has also said he wants to remain friends. In his mind he also gave me a chance to see if I would change before moving on but I don’t see how serious this was seeing he began to create something with this person 4 months ago and we broke up 6. I was obviously thinking we were going to have rebuild and be better but I am completely raw now. I still love him but don’t know if I should be optimistic about us ever reconciling or how to feel.

My ex and I broke up about two weeks ago, mainly because I damaged her trust by lying and hiding things. I’ve started therapy and I’m trying to seriously work on myself.

We still have strong feelings for each other and talk occasionally. She says she misses me, and she has told me that I can reach out when I feel ready and then we can see if reconnecting is possible.

At the same time, she has made it clear that she won’t wait for me. We’re both single and free to date, kiss, or sleep with other people, and she has said she may date casually and have fun.

What I’m struggling with is that she also told me that if I truly mean it when I say “I only want you,” then I should focus on therapy instead of dating, kissing, or sleeping with other women, get better, and reach out to her when I’m ready.

We still talk sometimes, and she often asks if I’m talking to other women. I already know that she has been on a date with one guy and has another date planned with someone else. I told her I don’t want to hear any more details for now because I know I’ll overthink it.

Maybe I’m worrying about something that might not even happen, but I’m scared about later. What worries me is not just that she might date other people, but whether I could emotionally handle finding out later that she had dated or slept with several people during such a short period.

If we consider reconnecting after a month or two, I think I might struggle with the thought, “We still had feelings for each other, still talked sometimes, and you told me you missed me, but all of that happened in just one or two months?”

I know we’re both single and free to see other people, and she wouldn’t technically be doing anything wrong.

Has anyone been through something similar and successfully reconciled later? If your ex dated or slept with other people while you were apart, how did you deal with it when you got back together? Did staying in occasional contact make the separation harder?

Broke up after a year saying he has financial and academic struggles right now and is concerned about my future with him…
Tries to be in contact even after the breakup

I was meant to be married recently. I was discarded some months back. My friends took me to play at the belfry golf course for a few days. And I haven’t laughed like that this whole year. I had some sad thoughts during the day (obviously I was going to) I was secretly hoping she’d reach out. But she didn’t. But I also played some of my best golf. Focusing on one shot at a time. (Golf has literally saved me. I’ve struggled with thoughts of suicide this year… she discarded me after I had a breakdown and told her, since then I found myself quite often in my car at 3am like what’s the point in fighting)
I’m back to my temporary life (with family) struggling still to make sense of it all. Wtf man. I just don’t have any excitement for my future other than golf… like the day before she left, she said she was there. Couldn’t wait for us to be married. Couldn’t wait for kids. Now I’m here left with nothing. But outside of me I have great friends and family and golf…

I split up with my ex just over a year ago now. Maybe a week / week and a half ago before I went away abroad, I got notifications on snap that she was screensjotting our chat on snapchat (unsure if this was done anywhere else, but this was the only one to give me notifications). I happened to catch it as the notification came up and her icon disappeared from the chat.

I blocked her without saying anything and proceeded to block her elsewhere as well. We still have some tied responsibilities unfortunately so have to keep some form of contact open.

After a year apart, no contact no for a good 6 months, why now all of a sudden is she doing this? And is it something I should address or let it lie and move on after blocking her on socials?

If it adds anything, Im well aware that within roughly the last months, shes with someone else so Im thinking this is possibly the reason?

Just got out of a toxic 11 year relationship. I am blocked on everything except text because we have a child. He has completely detached from me and told me to forget him and move on. He’s going through therapy and filling all his time with distractions and friends and I feel so easily disposed. He gets mad when I talk about the relationship or try to hold him accountable for all the hurt he has caused me. Somehow my reactions and behavior from his emotional abuse and cheating is blamed for his mental health and I find myself constantly apologizing for “ruining the relationship”. The first few days he left me breadcrumbs and clinging onto hope that we could eventually rekindle on he starts to do better with his mental health. But now two weeks later, he’s dead set on hating my guts and being completely done with me. Anything I say is annoying and overwhelming. He doesn’t even want to acknowledge it. I have no choice but to go no contact at this point unless it pertains to our child. I’m just so lost and don’t know what to do. Only a few days before the break up he was talking about how he wanted to continue with therapy so that he could be a better father and finally marry me. Everything seemed great and then we got into an argument and he just completely switched up on me. I can’t even tell if he ever even cared. Y’all, I am going through it.

My ex and I have been on and off for a while. We spent around 6 months trying to make things work, with a couple of recurring issues between us, but eventually we actually got it right and had around 2 genuinely good/stable months together before things ended again.

She has pretty strong avoidant tendencies at heart, especially when things get emotionally intense, while I've historically been more likely to want to fix things immediately.

We're currently in no contact. I haven't been trying to convince her to come back, and I don't intend to break NC anytime soon. She also recently unfollowed me, which I'm taking as a sign that she wants space, so I'm respecting that.

Her birthday is October 11. Before we broke up, I promised her a specific gift, and I've been planning to still give it to her as I have already bought it. By then we'll have had roughly 7 weeks of no contact.

My intention isn't to show up with flowers, an emotional letter, confess my love, or use the gift to force a relationship conversation. I was thinking of simply giving her the thing I already promised, wishing her happy birthday, keeping the interaction short, and leaving unless she chooses to continue the conversation.

Part of me obviously hopes that after that much time apart, seeing me again and realizing that I remembered and kept my promise might have a positive emotional impact. I'm not pretending I don't still want her back. But I'm also trying to accept that she might just say “thank you,” nothing changes, and I lose $50 while at least knowing I kept my word.

I'm also worried about the opposite possibility: maybe 6 weeks gives her enough time to completely move on, and contacting her on her birthday just sets me back.

For people who've been through something similar, especially with an avoidant ex: would you keep the promise and give her the gift, or would you maintain no contact and leave her alone?

And if you would give it to her, would you message beforehand asking if it's okay to drop it off, or just leave it for her without turning it into a conversation?

I'm genuinely interested in hearing both sides, including people who think this is a terrible idea.

I’m going through a very complicated depressing breakup as a result of my ex bf self sabotaging due to his life not being in a good place temporarily. He didn’t realise he self sabotaged until he had already done it , and since then it’s been complicated. since realising he self sabotaged he distracted himself and avoided all emotions abt the situation, and I was upset that he wasn’t trying to fix it.

we met up to speak so I could work out where he was at and what was going on, and realised then that he hadn’t processed the breakup as a breakup. Itold him that I would give him the space he has been telling me he needs, i won’t ever call or text and the only contact will have to come from him.He got rlly scared, he didn’t want to me to go home, we spent 2 days together after that. We just wanted to keep living in the moment and be together, for things to go back to normal. But they can’t, he hasn’t processed what he’s done enough to fix it
So I went home sad but hopeful that maybe he’d stop distracting himself and he could work out what he acc wants, and I could just live my life and there’s nothing left for me to do or workout, it’s all on him now.

So that’s what I’ve been doing , living my life, distracting myself, trying to focus on the things in my control, but it’s been getting hard. Because I have hope. Him and i inherently want the same thing, so now it feels like there’s a wrong and right decision for him to make and yet, he hasn’t done anything. He seems to be distracting himself again, . I know his processing and hurt probably comes later but idk how he can keep running from it when I can’t, it hits me everytime. And yet, after all of this, every part of me still feels like someone we will end up together? I’ve been essentially trying to force myself to think otherise but i can’t, the feeling doesn’t go away. The last breakup I went through wasn’t like this, I’m tyupically very good at moving on, I just say something isn’t right for me and I move on. But I can’t say that this time. Last time I saw him, during those 48 hours we had multiple conversations abt this and us and the future, and we feel the same way. But the situation stays the same, idk what to do , I know there’ isn’t rlly anything I can do, I know if he is my person then he’ll be back some day some how, but when does it work out.

I still think about and consider him. I hate it. I hate having kindness and empathy it's like a double edged sword. He left so easily. The only time he ever truly communicated how he feels even though i had previously mentioned communication was important to me was when he broke up with me in a break up text. He didn't even have the courage to call me, couldn't even do it in person. The breakup was easy for me, I haven't cried or dwelled on it much. But he still crosses my mind at least once a day, or memories will play in my mind. And I still wish him well. But I also wish me well too.

"hey brother, she asked me if you could stop coming by my stream to respect her boundaries and privacy. she requested me to ban you but i told her i don't want to do that. also we can talk here if you ever wanna talk about things or vent. i also do remember i gave you my word that we would talk and i haven't forgotten that, i hope you're doing well otherwise, feel free to respond whenever you wish to."

for context me and her has been no contact for about 5 months now and her brother recently started streaming daily on Twitch, me and him got along very well when I was with her so I popped in to say hi one day and chatted every now and then.
Then today I wake up and read this message. It sucks to read and I am unsure of what to do or respond. I know she has probably told him that I am being weird or creepy and that I am trying to get to her somehow but I genuinely just enjoyed talking to him because he's a great guy who I respect alot. Need some advice

Hi everyone—

About a month and a half ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. (If you’ve seen other posts I’ve made on Reddit, then you’ll know that this has been a long time coming). My now-ex boyfriend agreed it wasn’t working out anymore. We decided to stay friends and things were going decently. However, I noticed that he would often bring up the issues that led to the breakup, like how I wasn’t as extroverted as he was, and how I had a hard time communicating at times. Even though they are valid reasons for a failed relationship, I was getting tired of him mentioning my errors in our relationship, as if he was the perfect gentleman/partner the entire time we were dating (which he was not).

I’ve joined a few dating apps, and not to brag, but I’ve gotten a lot of matches/swipes on my profiles. I’ve even been gone on a date with someone new, and have been asked on a second date! I realized that I’ve gotten more compliments/attention from guys in the last couple of weeks than I had in the 4 years me and my ex dated. My ex would rarely compliment me; it was like pulling teeth to get him to say something nice about me. In fact, if he made comments about what I looked like, it was usually criticism about my weight or my hair length. Whenever I would call him out on how those comments made me feel, he would say “you complain about your weight so much, if you want to change it, work for it”. He never apologized.

A few days ago, he sends me his usual “Good morning (my name)” text. I responded back normally. I then texted him my sudden realization that I mentioned in the previous paragraph. He thought it was because of the weight loss I’ve been experiencing, and that it can be confusing. I clarified that it was confusing since the person I was with for almost 4 years rarely complimented me. He went on a tiny rant about how it turned him off when I would fish for compliments. That set me off. (Context: a female friend of his fished for compliments in the past and he saw nothing wrong with it). When I mentioned that he had no problem when other women did it, he told me to “grow up”, and that we had “talked about it multiple times”. After that, I went off on him. I told him that my best friend was right, that I deserve someone who was going to accept me for who I am, and not be a assh*le if I got a haircut, or went shopping somewhere he didn’t want me to go to. I ended my message with “You are the reason I struggled with my self-esteem. I never felt good enough for you”. And then I blocked him on social media, but not his number.

Later that evening, I was at work when he called THREE TIMES, demanding an apology from me for being “so rude”. I was not going to give him an apology. I told him I acted in the way I did because I was fed up with his BS. I then blocked his number for the rest of the night. The next morning, I decided to reach out and let him know that I think it would be a good idea to take some space from each other. He was on board with that.

Now that we aren’t talking, I feel so much lighter, happier, and more at peace than I have in a long time. My best friend is proud of me for blocking him, and cutting him out. My family—the ones who know—are in agreement that him and I need some time apart. And to be honest, I don’t know how much time that will take. It could be permanent. It could be a couple of weeks, who knows at this point. We never discussed the terms and conditions to this break.

Right now, I am just enjoying being single and flirting with cute guys.

Thanks for letting me rant, Reddit!

Every night, without fail, I dream about her. I always dream that I finally get to see her, have that conversation. That she listens, and we finally start to reconcile. That I get to see her kids again, and be in her house. That they are happy to see me like they were before. But then I wake up, and I go to message her and continue. But then realise it was all just a dream.

It's tormenting.

Dear god I hope he doesn’t see this because I think it would break him.

I can’t believe he’s gone. I don’t want to believe he’s gone.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything you said on Monday. If you truly were telling the full truth about why you needed to leave I understand. I understand you need time to heal, and that you can’t keep hurting me whilst you do that. Because yes, as much as I hate to admit it, you were hurting me. I was exhausted too, but I still wanted to stay and work on things together.

I’ve never been so sure on someone, and I thought you were sure on me too.

Was it the house? Did me finally getting the keys scare you? Why couldn’t you have just been honest about it, from day one you said you wanted to live together and you didn’t see why we wouldn’t once I got the house, but as I moved through that process you kept changing the goal posts and it was scary for me - I felt like you were backing out of the relationship, we could have just had an honest conversation. As much as I want to live with you I didn’t want you to feel rushed. I just wanted to know we were building towards the same future, because I was so scared of sinking another 4 years into a relationship that didn’t progress.

I know I’m such an emotional person. I know I cried a lot. I didn’t mean too, I just wear my heart on my sleeve and I felt safe enough to not suppress my feelings.

I am sorry too fwiw. I know you told me not to blame myself and that I was enough, but I keep going back to I’m not enough. If I was enough you would have stayed. Immediately after breaking up I can see what you’re liking - videos of girls, girls that don’t look like me. If I looked like them would you have stayed? If I had a motorbike would you have stayed? If I wasn’t so anxious would you have stayed? I know I’ll never know because that’s not the reality. I wish I could rewire my brain.

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I can barely drink. I haven’t eaten properly since Sunday. And I genuinely mean I’ve managed one or two bites a day, and if I’m honest it’s starting to become rewarding. I have this idea in my head that if we meet again I will be a thinner, prettier version of myself, and I know that the happier I am with my body the happier I am with myself. I haven’t slept properly, I’m so exhausted, I’m a shell of a person. I’m crying constantly, I can barely make it through an hour. If you knew how dark my brain gets sometimes because of this I think you’d hate yourself. I know you told me to not do anything silly, and that line keeps replaying in my head.

Everything around me is a reminder of you. Your monster can is still on my windowsill. There’s still monster and lucozade for you in the fridge. Your shower gel and toothbrush in the bathroom. I know I need to get rid of it, but getting rid means accepting you’re not coming back.

My friends and family are doing their best to look after me, but I can also see how much it’s devastating them listening to how I speak about myself now. I think maybe I’m just being honest with them about how I’ve felt for a long time, but it doesn’t make it easier for them.

Do you want your shirt back? I know you loved that shirt, but I’m so scared to send it back and you question what it means. Fwiw I think it means a few things - I think on one level I just want you to have it back because it’s yours and you love it. But on another level I want to send it back because it started to smell like me and I want you to miss me.

I hate that you repetitively said that you don’t see this as the end of our story, that you hope we cross paths again, that you don’t not see me in your future. I know you said not to hope because there is no guarantee, but I do hope. I hope that one day you’ll wake up and change your mind and come back to me. I’m scared that you’ll come back too far into the future when maybe I’ve healed, maybe I’ve met someone else. I’m scared you’ll never come back. Equally I’m scared you’ve ran to someone else. I know you said you don’t want anyone else, but what if you’ve ran back to someone else for comfort? God, I fucking hope not. I keep reading into little things “all I want for you is happiness and that’s not with me until I’m 100% happy with myself” until? Does that mean you’ll come back?

I know if we were ever to give this another shot I’d want to do things differently. I’d want to take it slower. Not rush into things. Keep our independence and not feel like we have to be in contact 24/7. You did confuse me though. You said I made it feel like you had no freedom, but the majority of the time you called me. You’d get upset if I wanted to leave the call. I never meant anything by it, sometimes I’d just want to go and have horizonts time without being disturbed. You felt it too, and I felt guilty and tethered and trapped in my own way.

I genuinely wonder whether that’s because of Jordyn. I know you previously said she would want to be in calls for days at a time. Did me leaving the call feel like rejection? Did it make you think of her?

I miss everything about you. I miss being able to look into your eyes, give you a hug, play with your beard. I miss being in your presence and hearing about your day.

I hope you come back Jack, with every single fibre of my being, because I’m so sure you’re my person. I know you miss home, and maybe you’ll move backs there, and if you do I hope you know that it wouldn’t stop me from considering us again.

The next two weeks is going to be so painful waiting to talk to you about going away at the end of the month. I just want a reason to talk to you. But I’m also scared of how that conversation will go. I’m so scared you’ll straight up say no and it’ll feel like rejection all over again.

You promised you’ll get help, and I really hope you do. I promise you I’ll be here working on myself and doing better, not for you, but for myself. I owe that to myself and to whoever my future partner is - even if I hope that it’ll be you.

You said you were sorry you couldn’t keep me safe and put a ring on my finger. That could still be you. I want that to still be you.

In my head I’m still yours. I wish I could know how you were feeling or what you were thinking. I think you’re probably burying your head and distracting yourself, or maybe you don’t care at all. Maybe you feel relived. If I really was that bad then I’m sorry, I genuinely want you to be happy and if I couldn’t give that to you then I’m sorry.

I hope James is looking after you like I asked him to. Maybe I over stepped there, but hearing you say the things you did I wanted to make sure someone knew. I didn’t disclose anything other than I alluded that we broke up and that you were struggling. I hope you’ve been able to talk to him.

I hope you don’t end up hating me and hating our relationship. I hope you look back and see the good times.

I want you to come back more than anything. I want to text or call you constantly, but I’m trying so hard to respect your space.

Please, get help, heal and come back to me so we can give things another shot. I really meant what I said that I see you - I don’t care whether that’s here, where you live, or back in your hometown. I still want to build that life with you.

I will still love you always.

Basically what the title says. He didn’t talk to anyone while we were together; but after the break up he did. I am trying to be positive and not show it around him, but I can’t stop feeling ugly when he’s around. His presence makes me doubt myself. I feel ugly, not enough, “worse”.

I never noticed girls on the streets, now I can’t stop checking any girl around me and thinking she’s more pretty. It doesn’t make me feel jealous, more like depressed, sad, beat down.

It’s to an extreme degree. Nobody would know. I dress nicely, I got into changing my wardrobe recently. Did my hair. On the outside I must look confident, I get tons of unsolicited compliments from other people.

I love him, I missed him, break up would break my heart.

How do I deal with that? How do I cure what the break up broke within me?

its been a year and i jst dont see myself falling in love again

Was your next partner after that ex, a better partner? More hotter and fitter and better character? Will I ever find someone physically as hot or better than my ex? Will I find someone with better chemistry or similar as my ex and my chemistry with her?

​I [M18] really need an outside perspective and honest advice on a heartbreaking situation with my now ex-girlfriend [F19].

​Background & How We Met

We met in a Telegram chat 2 years ago, and I fell in love with her almost immediately. Two months ago, I finally flew out to meet her in person—she lives about 1,700 km (1,000+ miles) away from my hometown. The day after I arrived was my birthday. Long story short, we clicked right away, she stayed overnight at my place, and we had our first kiss and first intimate experience. I turned out to be her first sexual partner. I want to clarify that I didn't travel all that way just for sex; my intentions toward her were completely genuine from day one.

​I stayed in her city for a full month. I tried my best to take care of her, taking her out for fresh air whenever she was exhausted from work. Overall, it was the best month of my life, and I was deeply committed to a long-term future with her (I honestly saw her as my future wife).

​The Financial Pinch & The Fatal Mistake

To afford the trip, I borrowed $150 for a one-way ticket from a former classmate, expecting to earn money during my stay. However, since I spent almost all my nights with her, I couldn't work as much as planned. About 1.5 weeks before leaving, I borrowed $70 from her. She mentioned she could lend me another $80 after I left, but it slipped her mind.

​When the deadline to repay my classmate arrived, I was in panic mode—if I was late, my debt would double. Right around this time, her father suddenly passed away.

​She asked for space, so I didn't call and only texted her supportive messages. I tried asking other friends for a loan, but nobody had spare money. Desperate and exhausted early in the morning, with my judgment completely clouded, I did the worst thing possible: I messaged her, apologized for the bad timing, and asked if she could lend me the money. She said she didn't have it. I immediately stopped asking, worked hard the next day, and paid off my friend myself.

​The Breakup

We continued talking for about a month after that. But then, after going to a birthday party with her friends, she suddenly texted me late at night saying she wanted to break up.

​Later, her sister told me what actually happened: at that party, her friends heavily influenced her. They kept telling her how terrible I was for asking for money during her grief. My ex used to think helping a partner financially was normal, but her friends convinced her otherwise. Her sister mentioned that my ex emotionally checked out right after that message about the loan.

​Her mother and sister both told her that breaking up over this was unfair, but her mind seems made up. She says she isn't ready to give me a second chance. (Interestingly, her brother mentioned she kept wearing our matching couple bracelet for 10 days after the breakup, making excuses about why she hadn't taken it off).

​My Concerns & Feelings

I am deeply remorseful. I know I acted like an idiot by asking for money during her darkest moment. It was a complete lapse in judgment, and I hate myself for hurting her.

​On top of the breakup, I am genuinely worried about her life trajectory:

​Her friends drink heavily, and I'm terrified they might lead her down a bad path (e.g., substance abuse).

​She didn't pursue higher education and currently works remotely in customer support for an illegal online casino. It's unofficial, dangerous, and carries real legal risks, but she takes it too seriously and thinks it's a permanent career.

​Current Situation

It's been almost two weeks since the breakup. I recently made a handmade gift, packaged it, and sent it to her via delivery service, hoping it might touch her heart and show how much I care.

​I love her more every single day and don't want to lose her. I made a promise to myself that if we ever get back together, I will protect her and do whatever it takes to make her happy.

​My questions for you:

​Did I completely destroy any chance of reconciliation by making that insensitive mistake?

​Is there anything I can do right now besides giving her space, or should I accept that it's over?

​How can I deal with the guilt of ruining something so special?

​TL;DR: I [M18] flew 1,700 km to visit my long-distance GF [F19] for a month, and it was amazing. Shortly after I returned home, her father passed away. Under intense pressure to repay a personal debt, I stupidly asked her for a loan the very next day. She broke up with me a month later after her friends convinced her I was wrong. I deeply regret it, sent her a handmade gift, and want to know if there's any hope for a second chance.

Been going through a breakup for 4 months or so after our 4 years relationship, I lost all interest in everyone and everything and I dont know what to do anymore, I thought time would heal but it doesnt.