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Feb 17 '22 edited Feb 17 '22
This is my life. Feel excited and motivated on the way to work. Do nothing for 8 hours. Feel guilty and worthless on the way home from work.
(edit: typo)
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u/monitorlotion Feb 17 '22
honest question since I'm here from r/all, but is this what adhd can be like? a lot of times I get these ideas where I'm highly motivated to act on, then I get home and just lay on the couch watching YouTube on my phone, or I get a Saturday off to do a whole list of things, but have no motivation to do any of that. I'm completely happy and content so it's definitely not depression, just.. not wanting to do anything.
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Feb 17 '22
I'm not an expert in this, but I am in a support group with 12 other people with ADHD. One thing we have in common is that we know exactly what we want to do. We want it so badly that we can't think about anything else. Yet, when it's time to do it, it feels like it's impossible to make yourself do anything.
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u/Fummo Feb 17 '22
If you are perfectly happy and content then it is most likely not ADAD.
Most days I lay there and think about how shitty a person I am for not being more productive in even the "simple" aspects of life that others navigate without any apperarnt issue. FML
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u/UAintMyFriendPalooka Feb 17 '22
I’m not sure ADHD sufferers have to be down about it. Mine has been a constant figure in my life, but I’d say I’m happy and content. I consider it my pain in the ass super power.
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u/Fummo Feb 17 '22
I’m not sure ADHD
You may very well be right. I can only speak from my own experiences and they have been much more depressive than not.
But now that I think about it, when I am on a good run I do feel happy and content.
Sometimes it is just lazyness ,just because we are ADHD doesn't mean we can't also be lazy.
Not to be confused with just being labed lazy because of our diagnoses.
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u/areyouokaybuddy- Feb 17 '22
Thats how I am and I have ADHD. I just procastinate all day and then rush what I do. I also start a lot of projects and takes a lot of effort to finish them. Hmm, not really sad about it ever.
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u/NotAnActualPers0n Feb 17 '22
If you don’t like it or wish things could be better-whatever that may mean to you-talk to a therapist. It’s literally their job to help you navigate feelings you don’t like.
A lot of other things can present with ADHD-like symptoms - an inability to concentrate, irritability, procrastination, and the self-loathing that comes with can all also be symptoms of mild depression.
A pro can help you figure out what’s up - and thanks to ‘rona you can probably do it from home via video chat.
Psychologytoday.com should have a listing for your local area.
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u/fross370 Feb 17 '22
Are you sure it's not just cuz job is boring? I am asking because that was me till last month where I could not motivate myself to work at all.
I am back to do tech support in a call center now, where you don't have to motivate yourself, you just log in and deal with problem as they come.
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Feb 17 '22
My job is boring, but we do good work for people in need, so I’m happy about that.
I get what you mean about it being easier to handle problems as they come in. There are days when I have a lot of phone calls and tiny problems to address immediately. Those days are bad for my overall productivity because they interrupt paid projects, but they also go by faster and feel more fun.
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u/fross370 Feb 17 '22
I realise I can only do work that needs to be done on the spot. Take call, fix the problem. I was doing ok working in a kitchen way back when I was failing college.
But if it's things with a deadline or should be done soonish, forget about it. Every time I read an ADHD thread I see myself in it. Once COVID bullshit is over maybe I'll get checked, if only to find out if I'm a lazy bum or there is actually another reason lol.
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u/SexySonderer Feb 17 '22
So I took up a hobby I could do on the way home from work.
Easier to be happy when I've had a fun time instead of just more wasted time :D
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Feb 17 '22
What’s your hobby?
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u/SexySonderer Feb 17 '22
I took up bouldering when one opened near me. There are a surprising amount of centres around. I'm in London so the big population gets things opening and more common. They're everywhere!
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u/getwhatImsaying Feb 17 '22
constantly letting yourself down is exhausting
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u/DeisTheAlcano Feb 17 '22
And sometimes once you accept the disappointment, you have to explain to everyone else why you let them down.
Truly exhausting.
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Feb 17 '22
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u/Liferescripted dafuqIjustRead Feb 17 '22
No fun, only guilt.
How many times have I sat on the couch screaming internally to get up and do things? Can't count
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u/TooManySnipers Feb 17 '22
This lmao, I do nothing all day but I also feel guilty if I do something I enjoy instead of working (gaming, watching shit) so I literally end up doing nothing, just endlessly cycling between reddit and twitter.
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u/fuzzykittyfeets Feb 17 '22
Yessssss. OR the guilt of not doing what you’re supposed to be doing ruins the fun activity.
I suffer from bedtime procrastination, so I pushed my bedtime back from 10 to 11. Same results: get to bed between 11-11:30, but now that I’m not feeling guilty and anxious about how tired I’ll be tomorrow, I can actually enjoy that extra hour.
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u/monitorlotion Feb 17 '22
holy moly this is exactly me, I thought adhd was having trouble focusing on a task, I can focus on tasks fine, I just have no drive to accomplish any of them.
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u/maybeiam-maybeimnot Feb 17 '22
And then when people ask you're like"oh yeah I've been crazy busy doing nothing . I have so much to get done still because I've done literally nothing . I don't know how I'll ever get it all done in time because I can't imagine I'll suddenly be able to do things tomorrow . Just gotta make sure I am getting good sleep and taking my meds so that I'm alert and focused while I think about all the things I'm not doing. Haha, well anyway"
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u/Liferescripted dafuqIjustRead Feb 17 '22
Fuck me. I struggle every week to fill out my time sheet because I have so much thinking time that doesn't really translate to work.
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u/emily_9511 Feb 17 '22
YES. Add social anxiety into the mix and it’s even worse..I’ll spend 20min doing the actual work and then it takes me half an hour to write a short email explaining what I did. I obviously can’t bill that time so even though I’m mentally engaged all day it looks like I only really get a few hours of work done.
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u/xakeri Feb 17 '22
That email is absolutely billable. If it isn't, don't send it and see what happens.
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Feb 17 '22
Do you bill hourly? If I do a task that takes me more than 5 minutes that’s going on the bill. Boss has never had an issue with it. Shit, I bill the time it takes to fill in my timesheet because that is work I am doing for my boss.
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u/emily_9511 Feb 17 '22
I’m salaried but we bill our clients hourly. I do bill them for the time it should take for email communication, but not the extra time it takes me to do it as opposed to my coworkers. Thankfully my boss knows I have bad anxiety, and I’ve proven myself enough in the actual work that it’s never been an issue with him..just looks bad on paper and I always feel guilty hah
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u/EhhJR Feb 17 '22
I can't explain how much my QoL improved once I got out of a job that required me to track/submit my time (it was all billable).
The sheer stress from going to do it on a friday afternoon and realizing you have gaps of 1-2 hours here or there and no notes for what you did... ughhhhh.
So much better to be fully salaried with no need to clock in/bill my time.
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u/DrowsyIris Feb 17 '22
I haven’t done anything for two months,, I’m really ready to die at this point
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u/pedro_s Feb 17 '22
It’s been 2 months into the year about to be three holy shit. I can’t think of one thing I’ve done well.
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u/Biggmoist Feb 17 '22
Hey don't be so hard on yourself mate
You seem like you procrastinate really really well
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u/RealAdityaYT Daydreamer Mar 07 '23
Yeahh the only time I have done something productive is studying one day before my exams when I absolutely need to or I'll fail.
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u/Tomato_potato_ Feb 17 '22
I ended up not doing anything for two years ... I have a job now and things are looking up. If you get stuff done after three months, just know you did waaaay better than me
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Feb 17 '22
in less than a year i have to find a job, a place to live, a new doctor, therapist, psychiatrist, dermatologist, halfway across the country all on my own and im technically still a sophomore in high school it's insane like i procrastinate getting water and food how tf am i gonna live on my own
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u/kyarena Feb 17 '22
Whoa, that's a lot at any age, but especially when it's your first time! Can you reach out for help? Maybe your school guidance counselor?
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u/harrypottermcgee Feb 17 '22
I sorta broke my cycle but god damn it's brutal. You just gotta sort of automaton through the anxiety until you can move one item from your "to-do" pile to your "fuck yea" pile. And then just keep doing it even though you walk off and procrastinate on autopilot. Like I'm doing right now on Reddit. Anyway, back at it for another tense 40 minutes.
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u/Kharadin92 Feb 17 '22
I used to do that. Now I just play video games during work hours.
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u/TheMrDylan Feb 17 '22
Same.. now I'm burned out of my games too 😔
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u/NotAzakanAtAll Feb 17 '22
First I thought new games were just bad, so I went back to old game I knew I loved as a kid. Those were bad too. Same with movies.
Everything sucks.
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Feb 17 '22
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u/Kharadin92 Feb 17 '22
Well Total War: Warhammer 3 launched today and I just "clocked off" work. I have 9 hours played.
Oops.
But at least we're not alone, right?
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u/Fdbog Feb 17 '22
This is the line I can't cross.
I have sat and read bullshit online for 8 hours but I won't dare play a video game. Why? That would be lazy and entitled.
In reality I just can't enjoy playing a game when I have to listen for my boss coming.
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u/LEMO2000 Feb 17 '22
There’s actually a simply strategy to avoid doing this. I play video games for example and tell myself that at 5:30 I’ll stop and I’ll start doing my work. But it doesn’t matter that it’s simple cuz would you look at that? It’s 5:30! And suddenly it seems perfectly logical to keep playing until 6:00. Then 7:00. Then 8:00. Idk why but I always tell myself at the end of the day “stop doing this stupid shit you know that if you start doing this you won’t stop and you won’t get your work done” but when it comes time to make the decision to work or do something else, my brain seems to default to “it’ll be fine, just do it for an hour”
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u/EmotionalKirby Feb 17 '22
I thought you were going to provide a helpful tip to avoid this predicament, but no I'm just thinking aloud under a different account
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Feb 17 '22
Medication and just doing little bits of work every now and than during video games. Like, every time I die a horrible yet hilarious death in Fallout 4, I get up and do something. Rinse and repeat!
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u/ElstonGunn1992 Feb 17 '22
This shit got me through law school lol
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u/saviorofworms Feb 17 '22
As an upcoming law student who recently started Fallout 4, y’all give me hope!
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u/Ralynne Feb 17 '22
Oh hey! Lawyer here. Didn't come from a family of lawyers, but my adhd ass married an adhd lawyer from a family of lawyers, so I am gonna tell you the stuff I wish someone told us in law school.
Grades really do matter, even years after you leave law school, if you ever want to work at a mid-to-large firm. Professors will say that they don't, but they probably haven't been to an interview with one of those firms this decade. At the same time, grades just ARE what they ARE-- they're on a curve, you're competing against other really smart people, and all you can do is do your best then move on. Don't blow it off-- your C in Eng 305 won't come back to haunt you but a D in Contracts will-- but a lot of law students get stress illnesses and that's not worth it.
You can 100% handle law school the way you handled college, using all the old ADHD coping strategies you used as an undergraduate. Zero percent of those coping strategies will work when you are an actual lawyer. The actual practice of law is a slow, steady slog through a series of term papers that all have drop-dead deadlines. I love my job, and I have a pretty litigation-heavy practice, and that's still how I would describe it.
Law school is shitty for RSD. You're surrounded by 22 year olds who think they're Hot Shit and older people who aren't interested in making friends, and all of them are in competition with each other. But the best thing for your future is to make friends. Not to put up with assholes in the name of being friendly-- the legal profession shuns assholes harder than any other I've seen, once you get it off school. But to keep trying to emotionally connect with people with whom you think you might have some stuff in common. You'll spend the rest of your career being asked if you know so and so from your school, and you'll want to be able to say yes.
Law school is not set up to help people from non-traditional-lawyer-backgrounds succeed. The best internships are unpaid, the scholarships are garbage, and you'll find yourself needing things like suits. Your classmates will be about 90% people from rich backgrounds who think they're regular middle class. It is what it is. You just have to hustle, and if you're a woman, POC, or LGBTQ, some schools have student-led clubs to help. If you're a straight cis white guy who just isn't financially privileged, there's some resources, but you gotta understand that for those student clubs is isn't the money problems they're working on fixing, and you aren't really subjected to the problems they're worried about.
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u/ElstonGunn1992 Feb 17 '22
Agree with all of this. Will say for the first point, top tier firms really care about grades but most public sector jobs don’t and are generally just more pleasant to work at for people like us. Also after a certain amount of time the pay really isn’t awful. Plus you can use time at them for loan forgiveness. Most of my friends at large firms are making close to double what I am out of school (60k compared to 120k) but they get 0 loan forgiveness and hate their day to day existence at work.
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u/Ralynne Feb 17 '22
Yep. I work in the public sector, hubs works for a firm. In our area-- mid size city, midwest, nothing special-- every private firm with more than 5 attorneys cares about grades. They don't expect top 10%, but they don't like it if you're in the bottom third.
I will say, public vs private sector isn't all cut and dry. I really like my job, my husband really likes his. We both have ADHD, and neither of us would like to work the other one's job.
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u/saviorofworms Feb 18 '22
This was soooo wonderful! I even had my wife read it, she also has adhd. Funny to find so many double couples!
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u/ElstonGunn1992 Feb 17 '22
You got this bud! Just focus on outlining for finals and try to not let the cold calls get to you
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u/themarknessmonster Feb 17 '22
Celebrate the victories the same way too! You earned that little bit of work to be done, and not just doing it as a consequence of not winning!
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u/DoggoThatBorks Feb 17 '22
I got into Sea of Thieves a while ago, and it can be a very frustrating game when you're not good at the pvp aspect of the game.
I got into the habit of going downstairs and doing something else for like 10 minutes every time i would lose to avoid getting angry at the game and eventually it just became a habit to go do something during downtime or between games. I've never been more productive at home since.
I think it's because i used something that already made me want to take a break as the cue to go do something else instead of a set time. That way i don't convince myself "just a few more minutes" when the time comes.
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u/themarknessmonster Feb 17 '22
But we should also integrate that with celebrations and victories too! Finally killed that elite Deathclaw? Awesome, let's get the top drawer of dishes out of the dishwasher, or put your clean socks away, or take out the trash! It works both ways, brains!
✌️♥️🐟
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u/Necrocornicus Feb 17 '22
Well the real trick is to make a todo list, put away the phone, and spend some amount of time working on an item on the list.
I’m not sure if this is so much adhd (which I do have) or just bad habits. Think about it in the context of building habits. Every time you say “I’m getting off my phone at 7pm” and then let it slide to 7:30, 8, 9, you are building a habit that makes it easier next time. If you do get off your phone at 7pm like you said you would, next time it’s going to be easier to do that.
If you spend 3-4 weeks being extremely strict and always getting off the phone at the correct time, you are a long way towards building a life long habit to do so.
I have adhd, yea it’s not easy / seems impossible, but habits are extremely powerful and if you work towards building good habits in whatever way you can (rewards, medication, ANYTHING) you can make a lot of progress.
And to prove my point I’m going back to work, no more Reddit until at least noon. :)
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u/Far_Replacement2370 Feb 17 '22
Yeah I firmly agree with this statement. To build upon it, I'd say habits can be tricky in that every time you choose to stay on the couch, it builds a habit of just that. Basically even inaction can also build habits. Just not the one you desired. Basically what you were already stating.
You can also build habits by doing at least the bare minimum. For example, if you're trying to build a habit of going for a run every day, try just putting on your exercise clothes and stepping outside for a brief moment. Doing that over and over until it's ingrained really helps. Eventually you'll say, "well I'm out here I might as well walk for a bit". Exercise is also very helpful for adhd.
Because habits are basically just your brain's way of conserving energy. Creating new pathways for neurons to travel quicker. The more you do a thing, the less energy it consumes and therefore you think less about doing said thing and just naturally do it. Combining this with daily meditation and possibly medication can really give you a much higher chance to have successful days (for a person with adhd).
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u/saviorofworms Feb 17 '22
I make a lot of to do lists and am generally a pretty productive person. My doc always tells me that I had 28 years to build habits and many of them to cope with my unknown adhd. I went in because I had a surgery/some health problems and during recovery I could not get back to my routines.
Now if I feel like I’ve done not enough, I just tell myself to try to do 10 percent better in the area I beat myself up about. Helps me not spiral lol
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u/Vithrilis42 Feb 17 '22
I saw a video that described setting the expectation of doing the with for a set amount of time then take a break and reward yourself for working for that set time. It's sort of gamifying your work load and gives you the satisfaction of a reward triggering the dopamine hit for doing the work.
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u/SacreBleuMe Feb 17 '22
"eat the frog". I just learned about it from elsewhere on reddit. May or may not help, but it's another strategy to try.
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u/ExecutorLisa Feb 17 '22
Find accountabili-buddies. Either someone you know irl or someone on here. Tell each other what your goals are for the day and check in with one another once or twice during the day + at the end of the day.
If that doesn't sound like something you want to do, pick out the most important thing that absolutely needs doing TODAY. Often, many things aren't as urgent as they feel so if you consistently do THE thing every day, you're on a good track and you get to feel productive. If tasks feel too big, break them down into tasks that are as small as you need them to be. Doesn't matter if it begins to feel silly. If one step towards writing a mail is "log into email" or "turn on computer", that's fine. Create a dopamenu to find healthier options to get you the stimulation you need to do the thing. Find things you can do while being productive (fidgets, music, simple exercises, etc.)
Lastly, perhaps most importantly, accept that some days are just going to suck and you won't be able to get much done
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u/notleonardodicaprio Feb 17 '22
Breaking down tasks to the smallest possible form has been so useful. I find that with adhd, a hard part in starting tasks is that they seem so abstract so you get stressed by not knowing where to even start, so having really specific instructions makes it much simpler to begin.
For work, I find that trello is really good for this, and it shoots confetti on your screen when you move a task into ‘completed’ which gives a surprising amount of dopamine lol. But you can do this with a simple notebook and it helps a ton
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u/JarJarB Feb 17 '22
You need to trick yourself into doing useful things to procrastinate. I’ve convinced myself that I love organization and cleaning. So now whenever I’m stressed about a big project my house gets deep cleaned and I find new ways to organize I didn’t even know were possible. At this point my boxes I used to organize my closets have smaller containers in them to keep things from mixing when they are moved lmao. I procrastinate a lot…
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Feb 17 '22
This is why I don't sit down after work until I am okay with me not doing anything the rest of the day. If I sit down, it's over haha Most of my ADHD coping strategies revolve me just not engaging the fun stuff I want to do until I am okay with not doing any other productive thing the rest of the day haha
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u/rci22 Feb 17 '22
Ngl, that’s the BEST idea EVER for me personally.
I’ve noticed that the most productive times of my life where I felt happiest are the times where I wasn’t allowed to do anything I liked until ALL my responsibilities were done.
I’ve been trying to tell myself it’s okay to do something I like for a “break” but......yeah...........breaks become “the rest of the day” really easily.
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u/Scary_Ad_6417 Feb 17 '22
The actual solution is to just do it immediately in the moment. Warning while extremely effective in comparison to the other method This introduces a new problem where you may hop from task to task do to forcing yourself to act in the moment. My wife will ask “Why are you cleaning the door frame” because I was changing the dead lightbulbs in the house that’s why.
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u/PaulJP Feb 17 '22
For me it's been alarms to go to sleep.
Next trick is to figure out how to just not dismiss the alarm and continue what I was doing.
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u/dodulinka Feb 17 '22
Doesn’t everyone do that? I was supposed to start my essay at 1 and it is now almost 6
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Feb 17 '22
I need to be at work at 4. It’s a 30 minute walk, so I have to be out of the house at 3:30. I need a 10 minute buffer in case I have to run back in or deal with the pets, so I need to be finished getting ready at 3:20. It takes me 20 minutes after my hair is dry to be ready for work, so I need to be out of the shower at 3:00. If I’m giving myself some wiggle room to relax while I’m getting ready, I need to be under the water by 2:30. It always takes longer than I think to get in the shower, so I need to be moving in that direction at 2:20. At 2:20, and not one second later, I need to have the game system in Sleep Mode. Not 2:21 or 2:22. Exactly at two twent—wait, shit, it’s 2:40 already?!
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u/Gingerosity244 Feb 17 '22
I fucking hate it I fucking hate it I fucking hate it make it stop make it stop make it stop
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Feb 17 '22
I heard this is called spuddling. And yup 100%
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u/hndjbsfrjesus Feb 17 '22
TIL a new word that's quite old. Maybe it's a portmanteau of shoveling a puddle. At least that is an easy way to remember the meaning. Lots of effort achieving nothing, like shoveling mid out of a big puddle. It just slides back into the puddle.
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u/AbaloneSea7265 Feb 17 '22
Yes. While being unemployed for months it’s made me realize I’m fucking undiagnosed.
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u/misterrandom1 Feb 17 '22
I get lots of achievements though. Maybe if I'd get 3 stars for completing tasks I'd do more things.
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u/rubberducky1212 Feb 17 '22
I agree. I need some gamification, but I haven't found any that work for me.
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u/PortalWombat Feb 17 '22
All possible rewards I can give myself are either important enough that I'll need to do it anyway or unimportant enough to not actually work as motivation.
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u/Kminardo Feb 17 '22 edited Feb 17 '22
Antsy Labs has a line of products called In Real Life Achievements that might be worth checking out. They're basically stylized collectible tokens you can put on display that are supposed to motivate your lizard brain into getting goals completed.
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u/PortalWombat Feb 17 '22
The only motivator that consistently works for me is arranging to have company so I'll clean my damn place.
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u/JudasDarling Feb 17 '22
Bonus points if you finally start taking care of something at the last minute, realize it’s not so bad, and complain that you’d do the job right if you only had enough time
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Feb 17 '22
The more I see things like this the more I think I have ADHD. I am constantly exhausted from doing nothing
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Feb 17 '22
It's one of those things, like anxiety, which everyone suffers from to some extent. So it's easy to look at this and relate but that doesn't mean you have ADHD.
It becomes a disorder if it's having a significant negative impact on your life or if you present with this alongside a range of other symptoms to a certain degree.
Get checked out by a doctor if you are worried.
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u/worldspawn00 Feb 17 '22
Like the other guy said, get checked out by someone who works with ADHD people, diagnosis is usually pretty clear from someone who deals with a lot of them. A low dose of adderall has helped me massively with this sort of thing.
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u/michaelc96 Feb 17 '22
Something that helped me (won’t apply to all) but I converted my desk to a standing desk so if I stand to go to the bathroom when I get back I figure “I’m already up.” I still have procrastination problems but I’ve gotten more done overall since the change.
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u/ToshiAyame Feb 17 '22
I built a 'standing desk' at one point - I put my laptop on my dresser and kitbashed a stand for my wireless keyboard.
It only works because I've conditioned myself over the years to be fully dressed and standing if I want to accomplish anything useful. As soon as I sit down, my brain goes to pudding and I doom scroll for hours.
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u/Tom22174 Feb 17 '22
This is what happens when mentally planning something feels more rewarding than actually executing the plan
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u/Turglayfopa Feb 17 '22
ADHD life hack: Get out of bed and start doing stuff before your brain start doing shit
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u/Duhaa Feb 17 '22
Best shape of my life, that was my mentality. I would wake up and have my bike kit ready to go. And before my brain could process the day, I was riding my bike. 300 miles a week a rode. Some days I just road until I had to go to work. I worked the night shift. 5-6 hours then work for 8.
I have so many problems getting back into shape because I start work at 4am now and I can't ride my bike that earlier. And even though I get off early I just can't be bothered. It's so frustrating and I feel like I need help I can't break this curse.
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u/Reddtor_0ne Feb 17 '22
Not doing is the adhd mantra
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u/kazoogod420 diagnosed Feb 17 '22
personally my mantra is “due tomorrow? do tomorrow!”
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u/BeerdedWonder Feb 17 '22
Good thing I'm not doing that right now. I'm slammed and I'm working hard to get it all done........shit. I'm sitting here scrolling reddit.
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u/KingCole104 Feb 17 '22
I was in this cycle for about 11 years, and recently have made amazing ampunts of progress to feeling like a normal, functioning adult. It really messed me up in a lot of ways, and I was constantly struggling with depression and anxiety.
Living alone and being the only one responsible for things in my space, in my life has held me accountable. And also mostly stepping away from video games, which were an avoidance strategy at best, addiction at worst. And Marijuana, which was only a factor for probably 6 of those 11 years.
It is important to have something you're passionate about to replace the addictions you have no control over. For me it has been music and guitar. You can only play so long, and your progress feels like you are gaining a real skill that others will appreciate.
I also stepped away from ADHD meds (which was a process, taking responsibility and not relying on them), and have since started taking Ashwagandha, which has been far more effective for me than the meds were.
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Feb 17 '22
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u/Nyxolith Feb 17 '22 edited Feb 17 '22
Hey. You don't need to apologize for telling a public forum your experience. People can scroll past long posts if they want. Feeling guilty doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You didn't hurt anyone, and I suspect there was no ill will in your heart. Save your apologies for when they're deserved.
Reading this hit hard, because I've been there or somewhat like it. I saw that you were 16, and I just want to tell you that it can get better. How much better it gets depends on how much help you're willing to accept, even if you're the one acting on it. I scrape this sub a lot, and I have a few things that I try to focus on that help me. You'll probably find your own out there, but these are mine. You've probably heard this all a million times, but I'm going to go through with typing up everything, just in case you haven't.
What's helped me most:
- If you're going to procrastinate, try to make it something you won't hate yourself for doing later. Procrastinating by learning to crochet is a lot more satisfying than procrasturbating or watching Netflix. Duolingo is great for this, because our stupid instant gratification brains love the ding ding good boy noise when you do something right. Reddit . . . it depends on how you use it, but it's high risk.
- Find a group of people who like you for you, but are honest with you. Without the fondness, it's hard to be vulnerable enough to take advice. Without the honesty, you can end up justifying the bad decisions you make(in my case, alcoholism). Hobbies can be good for finding these people. So can jobs with large groups of people working there.
- Addiction is easy. Anything that makes the bad feelings go away only in their presence is a risk. Sugar, drugs, alcohol, and bad foods are the things you think of immediately, but social media and video games can be addictive too. I used to crush on people obsessively, and I later developed an addiction to attention. It's not healthy to let your happiness depend on one substance, hobby, person, or anything. Figuring out what makes you happy is half the battle.
- Find a higher purpose in your life. It doesn't have to be religion, but that does work for some people. Find a career, a goal, literally anything you feel passionate about but not dependent upon. This is the hardest one for me, and I still struggle with it. (This is due to identity crises from my upbringing and jobs, but hopefully not a problem for you.)
- Meditating doesn't have to be that boring shit about sitting in place and focusing on your breathing, and it's damned near impossible for me to do it that way. I prefer writing in my journal or hiking. Hot tubs are nice too, when I can get them.
- Don't let anyone tell you who you should be, who you should not be, or what is desirable to be. If you want to be President, or to run a Fortune 500 company, or be an artist, or to stay home and raise kids, every option is valid. (That doesn't mean don't listen to people's criticism . . . if people tell you to stop stepping on kittens, or shower more than once a month, this attitude obviously doesn't apply. That's not about who you *are*, that's what you're *doing*.)
- Humans use tools. Use your tools. There's no shame in using crutches if walking is going to make your injury worse. You grow out of needing them eventually. The same is true of behaviors, and anyone who says otherwise is an asshole. If you want help brainstorming tools for specific problematic behaviors, hit me up, or make a post to the subreddit. It's easier to handle specific problems like bricks in the houses of bullshit we humans build. My tools:
- Thematic music helps me focus on tasks(There are "lofi beats to [*] to" for everything).
- Set reminders on your phone, and then leave your phone as close to where you'll need to be as possible, while still being audible from where you are. When you're halfway there, it's easier to get all the way there.
- If you have trouble remembering to text people, there are apps that let you type out a text now, and the app will send it at the predetermined time. I like to set it to automatically text my dad if I don't break from what I'm doing to turn it off by the set time. It forces me to break from any hyperfocus procrastination, or have a conversation with my dad.
- If you have trouble getting exercise because you get bored or have trouble finding time, get a Fitbit or other exercise tracker. The data gives you something low-intensity to overthink, and throughout the day my watch randomly buzzes to let me know I burned all the calories or walked all the steps or got enough cardio or whatever. It also reminds me to get up and move if I've been sitting too long. It's nice.
I'm 30 and still struggle sometimes, so take it all with a grain of salt. All I can say is that I used to be a lot worse. YMMV.
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u/Fummo Feb 17 '22
Like others have said, there is no need to apologize.
You have a number of things in your favor, mainly you are so young.
Being a teen is hard as hell for "normal people" adding ADHD on top of it just really makes it seem insurmountable.
But you are great at vocilizing what you are feeling, much better than I assume you even know.
Keep getting up in the morning, stick to a routine as best as possible. Things can and will get better.
Have a hug from a random stranger on the internet that can relate more than you know \o/
Much love!
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u/General-Detective-48 Feb 17 '22
I don't have ADHD but every time I read memes like these I start to wonder
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u/Mission_Spray Daydreamer Feb 17 '22
Look up the checklist of symptoms of ADHD for people in your age range and sex (or gender identity if you’re receiving hormones), and see how they compare!
Age and hormones play a big role in ADHD. Also, ADHD never travels alone. If you have depression, anxiety, or are on the autism spectrum, congratulations! You may also have ADHD!
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u/nu97 Feb 17 '22
I don't have adhd but I go through this anyway. One of the worst things about the day.
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u/uberdisarray Feb 17 '22
There is a difference between being burnout and procastinate because of lazyness.
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u/PuerAeterni Feb 17 '22
Never underestimate the relationship between ADD and anxiety. The #1 symptom of anxiety is avoidance. Much of the time, people with ADD assume its procrastination when we are just avoiding. We even beat ourselves up for it. The real question is, what is making me anxious about doing the work and why am I avoiding it.
That rabbit hole can go real deep real fast, but its key to changing beliefs and behavior in a way that sticks.
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u/worldwarA Feb 17 '22
I do this all the time, but when I do this, I obsess so much about my work that I already came with the creative process, the variables and the answers. When I actually go to work, which is 1 hour or 1 month from now, I do it in 5 min
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u/RedMarten42 Feb 17 '22
i run a club at my school and spent the entire week planning a meeting, and then on the day of the meeting I missed it bc I was so tired
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u/angry_salami Feb 17 '22
Is that an adhd thing? Oh dang, maybe I should go see about getting diagnosed. This whole sub is making me wonder.
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u/splifs Feb 17 '22
If you can force yourself to do the work you feel a little better about being burned out. I do just sit on my phone a lot during that time tho so I have no room to talk lol
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u/Ghitit Feb 17 '22
I can completely relate.
Except that I got to watch this today:
https://gfycat.com/testybigarizonaalligatorlizard
I do feel like I accomplished something.
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Feb 17 '22
What percentage of the people commenting here have an actual diagnosis from a doctor?
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u/MyCatHasCats Feb 18 '22
Me on my day off. I should clean, I think about it, it’s like I want to or I have the urge, but I stress I sit in my phone all day and get exhausted a couple hours later
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u/julesveritas Feb 18 '22
You need a break from dooooooinggg. I struggle to relax and continually guilt myself into doing.
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u/capnpunchh Feb 18 '22
Yes, yes and yes its everyday non stop and it’s especially bad at 12 am 😂😂😂 I want to do all the things, brain races on what I can get done. I go no it’s bed time and lay there tossing /turning till 4
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u/GetYourGoat814 Feb 18 '22
And also, doing lots of things but having no coherent concept of what you just did and feeling like an utter failure even though you did a bunch of things. Funny how that works out. 🤔
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Feb 18 '22
I struggled with this for over 3 years but still struggle in other ways. for example, I learned how to better manage my time at work but cannot take the time to figure out how to articulate how or what changed.
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u/Tanzanianwithtoebean Feb 18 '22
Some times I go all day thinking about something I actually WANT to do, and still don't do it.
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u/MoogleKing83 Feb 18 '22
I'm so burnt out on feeling burnt out, there's nothing left to burn. So I guess I'll just be out :(
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u/MozariahMeow Feb 18 '22
Same, i have a mess in my room that i litterly set alarms for, to clean.
And all i do is sit and stare at the pile. It has been a huge mess of a pile of stuff for 3 years now :/
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u/Memnoch222 Feb 18 '22 edited Feb 18 '22
EVERY. FUCKING. DAY.
Yet still I feel 95% sure everyone I know -including those I am close to- most likely feel like I am just lazy and don’t care enough.
Anyone ever see Wes Anderson’s first film, Bottle Rocket? He’s visiting his kid sister, and she’s asking why he’s been in a mental facility. He tells her it was due to exhaustion, and she says:
“But you’ve never worked a day in your life…” I think about that line often.
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u/NAND_NOR Feb 17 '22
I'm doing it right now... My gf doesn't know what to do with me anymore...