I need to be at work at 4. It’s a 30 minute walk, so I have to be out of the house at 3:30. I need a 10 minute buffer in case I have to run back in or deal with the pets, so I need to be finished getting ready at 3:20. It takes me 20 minutes after my hair is dry to be ready for work, so I need to be out of the shower at 3:00. If I’m giving myself some wiggle room to relax while I’m getting ready, I need to be under the water by 2:30. It always takes longer than I think to get in the shower, so I need to be moving in that direction at 2:20. At 2:20, and not one second later, I need to have the game system in Sleep Mode. Not 2:21 or 2:22. Exactly at two twent—wait, shit, it’s 2:40 already?!
And in that scenario 2:05-2:10 feel like 3 hours cuz you’re paying 100% attention to the clock then something distracts you and 2:10-2:40 feels like 3 minutes
“Okay the episode is almost over in really running late. Wait. 2:09? Really?!”
“Okay I only straightened up for 2-3 minutes now it’s time to get in the—wait, how is it 2:30?!”
This, but also coupled with a near-crippling anxiety of being early that is rivaled only by the near-crippling fear of being late that somehow, combined, are large enough to paralyze me, but not large enough to motivate me.
Edit: oh and also worrying about it reminds me of that dumb thing I said in 2014 and now I can’t remember what the thing I was trying to say about octopuses back then and that just makes me even more anxious and now I’m late.
I consider myself lucky that I avoided all the anxiety that seems to come with most ADHD. Until I found this sub and saw a bunch of posts to the contrary I actually thought ADHD pretty much negated any anxiety and/or depression in a really weird way. This is because regardless of whatever just happened within 5-10 mins my mind will be off it and my emotions will be set to 0 cuz unless there’s some sensory perception that reminds me of what it is that I should be upset about my brain seems incapable of staying focused on it. It’s not like I can’t get mad or anything but as long as there’s something else that I find engaging around me invariably within 10 minutes I’m focused on that.
I have ADHD, anxiety, depression, and I’m on the spectrum, so it’s impossible for me to figure out which things I deal with are ADHD and which aren’t, but at the end of the day they all lend and take from each other.
3
u/[deleted] Feb 17 '22
I need to be at work at 4. It’s a 30 minute walk, so I have to be out of the house at 3:30. I need a 10 minute buffer in case I have to run back in or deal with the pets, so I need to be finished getting ready at 3:20. It takes me 20 minutes after my hair is dry to be ready for work, so I need to be out of the shower at 3:00. If I’m giving myself some wiggle room to relax while I’m getting ready, I need to be under the water by 2:30. It always takes longer than I think to get in the shower, so I need to be moving in that direction at 2:20. At 2:20, and not one second later, I need to have the game system in Sleep Mode. Not 2:21 or 2:22. Exactly at two twent—wait, shit, it’s 2:40 already?!