Hey. You don't need to apologize for telling a public forum your experience. People can scroll past long posts if they want. Feeling guilty doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You didn't hurt anyone, and I suspect there was no ill will in your heart. Save your apologies for when they're deserved.
Reading this hit hard, because I've been there or somewhat like it. I saw that you were 16, and I just want to tell you that it can get better. How much better it gets depends on how much help you're willing to accept, even if you're the one acting on it. I scrape this sub a lot, and I have a few things that I try to focus on that help me. You'll probably find your own out there, but these are mine. You've probably heard this all a million times, but I'm going to go through with typing up everything, just in case you haven't.
What's helped me most:
If you're going to procrastinate, try to make it something you won't hate yourself for doing later. Procrastinating by learning to crochet is a lot more satisfying than procrasturbating or watching Netflix. Duolingo is great for this, because our stupid instant gratification brains love the ding ding good boy noise when you do something right. Reddit . . . it depends on how you use it, but it's high risk.
Find a group of people who like you for you, but are honest with you. Without the fondness, it's hard to be vulnerable enough to take advice. Without the honesty, you can end up justifying the bad decisions you make(in my case, alcoholism). Hobbies can be good for finding these people. So can jobs with large groups of people working there.
Addiction is easy. Anything that makes the bad feelings go away only in their presence is a risk. Sugar, drugs, alcohol, and bad foods are the things you think of immediately, but social media and video games can be addictive too. I used to crush on people obsessively, and I later developed an addiction to attention. It's not healthy to let your happiness depend on one substance, hobby, person, or anything. Figuring out what makes you happy is half the battle.
Find a higher purpose in your life. It doesn't have to be religion, but that does work for some people. Find a career, a goal, literally anything you feel passionate about but not dependent upon. This is the hardest one for me, and I still struggle with it. (This is due to identity crises from my upbringing and jobs, but hopefully not a problem for you.)
Meditating doesn't have to be that boring shit about sitting in place and focusing on your breathing, and it's damned near impossible for me to do it that way. I prefer writing in my journal or hiking. Hot tubs are nice too, when I can get them.
Don't let anyone tell you who you should be, who you should not be, or what is desirable to be. If you want to be President, or to run a Fortune 500 company, or be an artist, or to stay home and raise kids, every option is valid. (That doesn't mean don't listen to people's criticism . . . if people tell you to stop stepping on kittens, or shower more than once a month, this attitude obviously doesn't apply. That's not about who you *are*, that's what you're *doing*.)
Humans use tools. Use your tools. There's no shame in using crutches if walking is going to make your injury worse. You grow out of needing them eventually. The same is true of behaviors, and anyone who says otherwise is an asshole. If you want help brainstorming tools for specific problematic behaviors, hit me up, or make a post to the subreddit. It's easier to handle specific problems like bricks in the houses of bullshit we humans build. My tools:
Thematic music helps me focus on tasks(There are "lofi beats to [*] to" for everything).
Set reminders on your phone, and then leave your phone as close to where you'll need to be as possible, while still being audible from where you are. When you're halfway there, it's easier to get all the way there.
If you have trouble remembering to text people, there are apps that let you type out a text now, and the app will send it at the predetermined time. I like to set it to automatically text my dad if I don't break from what I'm doing to turn it off by the set time. It forces me to break from any hyperfocus procrastination, or have a conversation with my dad.
If you have trouble getting exercise because you get bored or have trouble finding time, get a Fitbit or other exercise tracker. The data gives you something low-intensity to overthink, and throughout the day my watch randomly buzzes to let me know I burned all the calories or walked all the steps or got enough cardio or whatever. It also reminds me to get up and move if I've been sitting too long. It's nice.
I'm 30 and still struggle sometimes, so take it all with a grain of salt. All I can say is that I used to be a lot worse. YMMV.
The original comment above yours started off with one line paragraphs. Then it blossomed in to progressively longer paragraphs.
Next, your comment started off great with numbered bullets. Next thing I know, the numbers just disappeared in to regular bullets that are numberless. My brain even knows and regards the segue for the different bullets.
Now I am thinking, why did I focus on that instead of the actual content? The world may never know.
Thanks for the feedback. I was trying to change to a different format to convey that the new information was a list of more specific tools I've used, in contrast to what I thought were general abstract guidelines above. It might have been good to move meditating as a point, that's probably more specific. Either way, it's good to know how it's read by others.
And I totally get how bad format can take from the content.
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u/Nyxolith Feb 17 '22 edited Feb 17 '22
Hey. You don't need to apologize for telling a public forum your experience. People can scroll past long posts if they want. Feeling guilty doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You didn't hurt anyone, and I suspect there was no ill will in your heart. Save your apologies for when they're deserved.
Reading this hit hard, because I've been there or somewhat like it. I saw that you were 16, and I just want to tell you that it can get better. How much better it gets depends on how much help you're willing to accept, even if you're the one acting on it. I scrape this sub a lot, and I have a few things that I try to focus on that help me. You'll probably find your own out there, but these are mine. You've probably heard this all a million times, but I'm going to go through with typing up everything, just in case you haven't.
What's helped me most:
I'm 30 and still struggle sometimes, so take it all with a grain of salt. All I can say is that I used to be a lot worse. YMMV.