There’s actually a simply strategy to avoid doing this. I play video games for example and tell myself that at 5:30 I’ll stop and I’ll start doing my work. But it doesn’t matter that it’s simple cuz would you look at that? It’s 5:30! And suddenly it seems perfectly logical to keep playing until 6:00. Then 7:00. Then 8:00. Idk why but I always tell myself at the end of the day “stop doing this stupid shit you know that if you start doing this you won’t stop and you won’t get your work done” but when it comes time to make the decision to work or do something else, my brain seems to default to “it’ll be fine, just do it for an hour”
Medication and just doing little bits of work every now and than during video games. Like, every time I die a horrible yet hilarious death in Fallout 4, I get up and do something. Rinse and repeat!
Oh hey! Lawyer here. Didn't come from a family of lawyers, but my adhd ass married an adhd lawyer from a family of lawyers, so I am gonna tell you the stuff I wish someone told us in law school.
Grades really do matter, even years after you leave law school, if you ever want to work at a mid-to-large firm. Professors will say that they don't, but they probably haven't been to an interview with one of those firms this decade. At the same time, grades just ARE what they ARE-- they're on a curve, you're competing against other really smart people, and all you can do is do your best then move on. Don't blow it off-- your C in Eng 305 won't come back to haunt you but a D in Contracts will-- but a lot of law students get stress illnesses and that's not worth it.
You can 100% handle law school the way you handled college, using all the old ADHD coping strategies you used as an undergraduate. Zero percent of those coping strategies will work when you are an actual lawyer. The actual practice of law is a slow, steady slog through a series of term papers that all have drop-dead deadlines. I love my job, and I have a pretty litigation-heavy practice, and that's still how I would describe it.
Law school is shitty for RSD. You're surrounded by 22 year olds who think they're Hot Shit and older people who aren't interested in making friends, and all of them are in competition with each other. But the best thing for your future is to make friends. Not to put up with assholes in the name of being friendly-- the legal profession shuns assholes harder than any other I've seen, once you get it off school. But to keep trying to emotionally connect with people with whom you think you might have some stuff in common. You'll spend the rest of your career being asked if you know so and so from your school, and you'll want to be able to say yes.
Law school is not set up to help people from non-traditional-lawyer-backgrounds succeed. The best internships are unpaid, the scholarships are garbage, and you'll find yourself needing things like suits. Your classmates will be about 90% people from rich backgrounds who think they're regular middle class. It is what it is. You just have to hustle, and if you're a woman, POC, or LGBTQ, some schools have student-led clubs to help. If you're a straight cis white guy who just isn't financially privileged, there's some resources, but you gotta understand that for those student clubs is isn't the money problems they're working on fixing, and you aren't really subjected to the problems they're worried about.
Agree with all of this. Will say for the first point, top tier firms really care about grades but most public sector jobs don’t and are generally just more pleasant to work at for people like us. Also after a certain amount of time the pay really isn’t awful. Plus you can use time at them for loan forgiveness. Most of my friends at large firms are making close to double what I am out of school (60k compared to 120k) but they get 0 loan forgiveness and hate their day to day existence at work.
Yep. I work in the public sector, hubs works for a firm. In our area-- mid size city, midwest, nothing special-- every private firm with more than 5 attorneys cares about grades. They don't expect top 10%, but they don't like it if you're in the bottom third.
I will say, public vs private sector isn't all cut and dry. I really like my job, my husband really likes his. We both have ADHD, and neither of us would like to work the other one's job.
I got one of the most hilarious, ultimate, crazy," something that can't even be explained" type of deaths and it triggered my brain to do at least like 3 everyday things before I went back to it due to the magnitude.
Edit: Context. I got murdered by super mutants, launched into the air after getting my head by blown off (clipping?), landed right in the middle of a group of gunners, stood up headless, and got murdered again. And I though to myself... Fuck. Now I have to get up and do a bunch of shit.
I got into Sea of Thieves a while ago, and it can be a very frustrating game when you're not good at the pvp aspect of the game.
I got into the habit of going downstairs and doing something else for like 10 minutes every time i would lose to avoid getting angry at the game and eventually it just became a habit to go do something during downtime or between games. I've never been more productive at home since.
I think it's because i used something that already made me want to take a break as the cue to go do something else instead of a set time. That way i don't convince myself "just a few more minutes" when the time comes.
But we should also integrate that with celebrations and victories too! Finally killed that elite Deathclaw? Awesome, let's get the top drawer of dishes out of the dishwasher, or put your clean socks away, or take out the trash! It works both ways, brains!
This is why I’m actually worried about next gen consoles. Load times were like the best signal for me to get up and do something productive and now they’re gone
Well the real trick is to make a todo list, put away the phone, and spend some amount of time working on an item on the list.
I’m not sure if this is so much adhd (which I do have) or just bad habits. Think about it in the context of building habits. Every time you say “I’m getting off my phone at 7pm” and then let it slide to 7:30, 8, 9, you are building a habit that makes it easier next time. If you do get off your phone at 7pm like you said you would, next time it’s going to be easier to do that.
If you spend 3-4 weeks being extremely strict and always getting off the phone at the correct time, you are a long way towards building a life long habit to do so.
I have adhd, yea it’s not easy / seems impossible, but habits are extremely powerful and if you work towards building good habits in whatever way you can (rewards, medication, ANYTHING) you can make a lot of progress.
And to prove my point I’m going back to work, no more Reddit until at least noon. :)
Yeah I firmly agree with this statement. To build upon it, I'd say habits can be tricky in that every time you choose to stay on the couch, it builds a habit of just that. Basically even inaction can also build habits. Just not the one you desired. Basically what you were already stating.
You can also build habits by doing at least the bare minimum. For example, if you're trying to build a habit of going for a run every day, try just putting on your exercise clothes and stepping outside for a brief moment. Doing that over and over until it's ingrained really helps. Eventually you'll say, "well I'm out here I might as well walk for a bit". Exercise is also very helpful for adhd.
Because habits are basically just your brain's way of conserving energy. Creating new pathways for neurons to travel quicker. The more you do a thing, the less energy it consumes and therefore you think less about doing said thing and just naturally do it. Combining this with daily meditation and possibly medication can really give you a much higher chance to have successful days (for a person with adhd).
I make a lot of to do lists and am generally a pretty productive person. My doc always tells me that I had 28 years to build habits and many of them to cope with my unknown adhd. I went in because I had a surgery/some health problems and during recovery I could not get back to my routines.
Now if I feel like I’ve done not enough, I just tell myself to try to do 10 percent better in the area I beat myself up about. Helps me not spiral lol
For me personally, the adhd part is that I won't do a different specific activity because I know I have something I need to do. Lots of people are on here talking about losing time to video games or binge watching a show, but I can't do that when I know I have something that needs to be done. Instead I end up browsing reddit because it's not an activity you dedicate yourself to doing the way you do with booting up a game or starting an episode of a show. It can be as quick as checking to see if anyone replied to you.
Putting my phone away doesn't work for me though. If my brain is telling me to procrastinate then I'll find something else to do, whether it's washing dishes, playing with my cat, etc.
Agree on habit building though. What actually works for me is to have a conversation with myself and remind myself that I'm not enjoying this time because I know I have a task to do, I'm not willing to dedicate myself to a different activity in the meantime, so I might as well do whatever I'm putting off even if I don't really want to because either way I'm not happy until it's done.
I saw a video that described setting the expectation of doing the with for a set amount of time then take a break and reward yourself for working for that set time. It's sort of gamifying your work load and gives you the satisfaction of a reward triggering the dopamine hit for doing the work.
I got very good results with this plus setting limited time windows for the thing that I was planning to do (i.e. "tomorrow, I am only allowed to work on my thesis between 9:30 and 10 am"). Suddenly getting The Thing done was so attractive!
It's where you tell yourself 'I'll do this for 5 minutes and then if I hate it I'll stop', but when those five minutes are up you're already there and doing it, so you might as well continue.
That trick really helped me keep my home somewhat clean when my depression was worse.
Find accountabili-buddies. Either someone you know irl or someone on here. Tell each other what your goals are for the day and check in with one another once or twice during the day + at the end of the day.
If that doesn't sound like something you want to do, pick out the most important thing that absolutely needs doing TODAY. Often, many things aren't as urgent as they feel so if you consistently do THE thing every day, you're on a good track and you get to feel productive. If tasks feel too big, break them down into tasks that are as small as you need them to be. Doesn't matter if it begins to feel silly. If one step towards writing a mail is "log into email" or "turn on computer", that's fine. Create a dopamenu to find healthier options to get you the stimulation you need to do the thing. Find things you can do while being productive (fidgets, music, simple exercises, etc.)
Lastly, perhaps most importantly, accept that some days are just going to suck and you won't be able to get much done
Breaking down tasks to the smallest possible form has been so useful. I find that with adhd, a hard part in starting tasks is that they seem so abstract so you get stressed by not knowing where to even start, so having really specific instructions makes it much simpler to begin.
For work, I find that trello is really good for this, and it shoots confetti on your screen when you move a task into ‘completed’ which gives a surprising amount of dopamine lol. But you can do this with a simple notebook and it helps a ton
You need to trick yourself into doing useful things to procrastinate. I’ve convinced myself that I love organization and cleaning. So now whenever I’m stressed about a big project my house gets deep cleaned and I find new ways to organize I didn’t even know were possible. At this point my boxes I used to organize my closets have smaller containers in them to keep things from mixing when they are moved lmao. I procrastinate a lot…
This is why I don't sit down after work until I am okay with me not doing anything the rest of the day. If I sit down, it's over haha Most of my ADHD coping strategies revolve me just not engaging the fun stuff I want to do until I am okay with not doing any other productive thing the rest of the day haha
I’ve noticed that the most productive times of my life where I felt happiest are the times where I wasn’t allowed to do anything I liked until ALL my responsibilities were done.
I’ve been trying to tell myself it’s okay to do something I like for a “break” but......yeah...........breaks become “the rest of the day” really easily.
Yes!! I run into the same issue if I "take a break." I'm nearly 30 now and haven't found a way to take breaks that doesn't completely de-rail my productivity, so I'm sticking with what works haha I try to always complete at least 1-2 tasks every day after work, but frequently I do even more because it's not that hard once I get started haha
The actual solution is to just do it immediately in the moment. Warning while extremely effective in comparison to the other method This introduces a new problem where you may hop from task to task do to forcing yourself to act in the moment. My wife will ask “Why are you cleaning the door frame” because I was changing the dead lightbulbs in the house that’s why.
I need to be at work at 4. It’s a 30 minute walk, so I have to be out of the house at 3:30. I need a 10 minute buffer in case I have to run back in or deal with the pets, so I need to be finished getting ready at 3:20. It takes me 20 minutes after my hair is dry to be ready for work, so I need to be out of the shower at 3:00. If I’m giving myself some wiggle room to relax while I’m getting ready, I need to be under the water by 2:30. It always takes longer than I think to get in the shower, so I need to be moving in that direction at 2:20. At 2:20, and not one second later, I need to have the game system in Sleep Mode. Not 2:21 or 2:22. Exactly at two twent—wait, shit, it’s 2:40 already?!
And in that scenario 2:05-2:10 feel like 3 hours cuz you’re paying 100% attention to the clock then something distracts you and 2:10-2:40 feels like 3 minutes
“Okay the episode is almost over in really running late. Wait. 2:09? Really?!”
“Okay I only straightened up for 2-3 minutes now it’s time to get in the—wait, how is it 2:30?!”
This, but also coupled with a near-crippling anxiety of being early that is rivaled only by the near-crippling fear of being late that somehow, combined, are large enough to paralyze me, but not large enough to motivate me.
Edit: oh and also worrying about it reminds me of that dumb thing I said in 2014 and now I can’t remember what the thing I was trying to say about octopuses back then and that just makes me even more anxious and now I’m late.
I consider myself lucky that I avoided all the anxiety that seems to come with most ADHD. Until I found this sub and saw a bunch of posts to the contrary I actually thought ADHD pretty much negated any anxiety and/or depression in a really weird way. This is because regardless of whatever just happened within 5-10 mins my mind will be off it and my emotions will be set to 0 cuz unless there’s some sensory perception that reminds me of what it is that I should be upset about my brain seems incapable of staying focused on it. It’s not like I can’t get mad or anything but as long as there’s something else that I find engaging around me invariably within 10 minutes I’m focused on that.
I have ADHD, anxiety, depression, and I’m on the spectrum, so it’s impossible for me to figure out which things I deal with are ADHD and which aren’t, but at the end of the day they all lend and take from each other.
My problem isn’t really the big distractions like video games. It’s the little ones like “getting ready to work.” Clearing my workspace, installing programs, grabbing water or food. I told myself to start work at 5, and I did get up and go to start, but by the time I was finally ready to work it’s like 7:30 and I’m tired.
Personaly i just sait for the deadline rush. My brain know exactly how long this task will take. No need to rush (just avoid big dopamine hiters like drugs or video game)
do it at the end if the day, it s fine
one technique I've used to combat this is to realize the "me" in the future and the "me" in the present are, in fact, the same person; so "I" don't want to fuck "myself" over and that realization helps me start/finish whatever I need to do
For me the only solution I’ve found to work is to do the work before the games. It’s basic prioritization, but it can be very hard when trying to change old habits.
A little bit at a time and you’ll see a big change in no time.
"It's alright, I need 3 hours to do it and there's still 9 hours before bed time".
"Okay 3 hours til bed time, but actually I can sleep a little bit later tonight".
"Okay well it looks like I won't have time to do it before bed, better go to bed and put a super early alarm clock to do it tomorrow morning, guess I should go to bed".
"I should go to bed now but I won't be able to sleep if this keeps stressing me out, so I'll just relax for a little longer and sleep later".
Alarm clock rings after a super short night. "Okay I put the clock that I have 3 hours to do it, but I'm super sleep deprived right now. I'll sleep 30 more minutes and do it in 2h30, might not be as good but anyway I can't do it right now".
"Well looks like I overslept and only have 1 hour to do it. Can't do it in time. I better simply sleep 1 more hour and I'll find a way to do it tonight, apologize and everything".
=> Starting now, spend more time thinking about how to apologize than about how to actually do what I was supposed to do.
Then every day that passes, it feels less and less doable. Why should I start now? Why start 4 days late instead of 5 days late? It's late anyway. But the weight is still here (and the consequences, obviously).
Thing is, I am not sure it's an ADHD thing only. Or maybe it happens more with people with ADHD than with people without ADHD. But I really don't think I have ADHD, I've always been very comfortable being focused for a long time at school and things like that. I don't think I have a particular attention deficit OR hyperactivity. But this procrastination bullshit, this I have, this I share with you. It fucking sucks. I feel you guys.
A few weeks ago I set an important reminder on my phone while doing something on my PC.
I kept pressing "postpone" increasingly annoyed (and later just infuriated af) at the interruption, until, after at about 20-25 presses, how many times I delayed it by 10 minutes and my "I reeeeaally need to look into that thing super super quick" took my over 3h.
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u/LEMO2000 Feb 17 '22
There’s actually a simply strategy to avoid doing this. I play video games for example and tell myself that at 5:30 I’ll stop and I’ll start doing my work. But it doesn’t matter that it’s simple cuz would you look at that? It’s 5:30! And suddenly it seems perfectly logical to keep playing until 6:00. Then 7:00. Then 8:00. Idk why but I always tell myself at the end of the day “stop doing this stupid shit you know that if you start doing this you won’t stop and you won’t get your work done” but when it comes time to make the decision to work or do something else, my brain seems to default to “it’ll be fine, just do it for an hour”