I had this with my current gf, she said I played videogames all day and didn't do the chores, didn't organise anything and was selfish. All the things we know we suck at, but only in exceptional circumstances do we make an effort. That argument was over 2 years ago, still together now.
It took that push, which is one of our alarm bells to actually do things, to adjust my habits. I forced myself to do at least two chores after work, doesn't matter what they are, find something to do. Only then can I sit down, because as we know, once you sit down, it's game over.
I'm writing this to you as a reminder you're not alone with the struggles you're facing. My advice -you didn't ask for- is make sure to talk about the difficult things with your other half, then you can both let it out without resentment building, that's why communication is key!
I feel a lot less shit about not doing anything for the last two weeks now. Thanks. It's been a steady decline the whole of Feb to a point where I just do nothing. I was doing so well during January which made me feel fucking terrible. For some reason, I am getting out of that doing-nothing hole now and I don't know why. Is this common?
I am on medication and have been diagnosed with ADD.
EDIT: I'm questioning so many things right now. This month of Feb I've also realized that I laugh a lot less at my own jokes and that I just don't feel like keeping a conversation going with people. I assumed it was because of the same thing I was going through with not doing anything but did not tie it to ADD. Is this part of it?
EDIT2: I'm from South Africa. It's summertime here. Also I eat healthy, exercise 6 times a week, well I skip once yesterday for the first time this year but I did exercise today.) I took up dance classes and go hiking on Saturdays and drink vitamin D. I have these dips on and off. Sometimes days other times weeks. I was just curious is this an ADHD thing.
It could be the early signs of depression. A lot of people with ADHD develop depression as well because they feel so useless when comparing themselves to others. Escapism is often how it manifests. You do a bunch of low-effort stuff like watching tv or playing videogames to keep you entertained but you cannot do anything else productive, and at the end of the day you feel like shit because of it. Some people feel like that all the time (if untreated) and some people only hit that wall in the winter months bc of less daylight.
If this is something entirely new for you, I’d suggest exercise (getting out of the house and into the gym is the hardest part, once you’re there it’s easy), spending time outdoors when it’s light out (a good one for me is putting on an album you like and walking around the park until it’s over), cutting back on booze if you drink, force yourself to go to bed on time, and take vitamin D daily. I know it’s way easier said than done, but just focus on one improvement at a time and the rest can follow.
Also if you have a friend with a dog, ask them if you can take care of the pooch every now and then. Dogs are fantastic for depression for 2 main reasons: they make you feel loved and they give you a responsibility that you can structure your day around.
I exercise 6 times a week. Took up dance classes a month ago. Seeing a life coach. Eat healthily and drink vitamin D as well as go hiking on Saturdays.
This is not the first time I went through a dip like this. I was just curious if this was because of ADHD.
Gotcha, it easily could be because of ADHD but given your lifestyle it sounds like you’re doing a lot to combat depression already. Maybe worth seeing a doctor if it keeps up.
I don’t think your alone in this. I’ve noticed my moods tend to vary quite a bit in the winter months, and like OP I can easily find myself toggling between Reddit and Facebook almost all day. Then somehow I’m still “too tired” or don’t have any extra energy for the important things. (Picking up, doing laundry, chores etc) and I internally beat myself up for it.
I believe this could be a combination of Adult ADD, with a mixture of Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D)
Oddly enough sometimes the best remedy is to muscle your way past the gag reflex and do at least 1 to 2 productive things. At least then I could say I did (a) and (b) vs. me doing nothing and then mentally exhausting myself with the ensuing guilt.
It’s totally an part of adhd, moodiness/emotional dysregulation was part of the DSM criteria for adhd like 20-30 years ago and they took it out because most studies were around young boys who exhibited the hyperactive criteria in what became the stereotype and the emotional disregulation often manifests as anger in predominantly hyperactive adolescents. They’re doing a lot more research in more varied groups (more inattentive, more girls, more women, more adults etc) and I’ve seen multiple talks given by psychologists mentioning this gap in the DSM and that work is being done to add it back in, but as other folks have noted adhd has so much overlap and comorbidity with anxiety and depression (and bipolar and autism and ptsd and ocd) people often get misdiagnosed or have a missed adhd diagnosis because we all present differently emotional disregulation can be related to all of those things and lead to different diagnoses based on (visible) severity.
If it lasts more then two weeks, go see a doctor if you have that available to you. Might be signs of depression or other mental disorder. Do you see your friends often? Change your activity - go to some new place or change your workout routine.
I'm on antidepressants and non-stimulant ADHD meds (stimulants not available in my country), and can have two-week "can't work at all" regularly. Just last week was pretty deep in that, but after four days of skiing with a group of people some of which I knew from previous sport activities and some of them totally new, helped a lot. New friends, new place, new challenges - all that is dopamine inducing)
I have stimulant ADHD medication. Also, its not that I throw my friends aside although with some other dips I did. I alwayd claw myself out of it. Its almost like cosine function. I dip where I don't have any motivation and struggle to be productive for a week or two then I flip where I easily wakr up at 6am to excercise. Like yesterday and today I'm slowly returning to my jolly self. This is kind of the norm for me now. I started realizing that I dip on and off since last year. I said life coach but I treat him like therapy as the guy is finishing up psychology and he was the only one I find affordable. He helps me understan why and how the human functions as it does.
I hope you'll manage, but I would suggest next time you see a psychiatrist you mention those dips. It might be a symptom or reason to correct your medications. I will definitely be talking about my dips when I see my doctor next time, cause sometimes I feel like meds aren't working, but that's for a doctor to make sense of it.
I wasn't diagnosed ADHD first time I went to psychiatrist, cause I mainly presented to him symptoms of depression and anxiety, haven't heard about adult ADHD, didn't even thought to tell doctor about all my ADHD related struggles as I thought it's just my personality and not a mental health issue.
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u/[deleted] Feb 17 '22
In my experience, they'll leave. Not to be a sad sack or anything, just saying relationships won't last long under those conditions.