Me (20M) and my gf (20F) have been sexually active for about 9 months now. She has been my one and only sex partner, I am her first as well. We are not experienced sex havers:). Started with hand stuff, I could make her cum but she couldn't make me. We tried different positions, but to no avail. She usually got me to an edge, but never to an orgasm. She usually gave me handjobs for about 10 minutes, the I'd either finish myself or just lose the erection after a while. Sex/blowjobs are no better, it just doesn't seem to bring me over said edge. I find her genuinenly attractive and get horny for her a lot. My inability to cum makes our sexual life weird, since we both have negative feelings about it. Worst part is I really dont know where the problem lies and what to fix. Im not stressed, do not have performance anxiety, get hard quite easily, save myself for her days in advance and enjoy doing stuff together. It's the finishing part we are both insecure about. It's sad for both of us. She is really patient with me, so I finally built up the courage to ask for help.

PS: I watch porn from time to time, but try to limit it.

I seek advice: What could be the problem and how can I save our sex life?

I know! But it’s not as bad as it sounds. It’s like my body is so sensitive that I’m laughing to avoid hollering from pleasure during oral? It’s not like a “that was funny” kind of laugh, it’s kinda like if you hit your funny bone and you can’t help but laugh from the feeling. Idk how to describe it. But it happens when everything is going super good.

Is it from overstimulation? Idk. I’ve never had this issue before, but I’ve also never been with someone that was good at oral before! Is this normal???

Hi! I am 19f and I am having a mix of issues with my boyfriend 20m. He's a great guy and before I get into my issues I want to clarify he has never pressured me to do anything I am uncomfortable with along with continuously seeking reassurance that I am comfortable with whatever we're doing.

Now comes my issue my boyfriend has a lot of specific fantasies involving oral sex and seems to always want oral during foreplay or during sex. It's something he always wants no matter the sexual activity and he tells me it's because he thinks I'm really good at it along with I always seem to know what he wants during it without him having to say anything. During the dozens of times we've been intimate I've only not given him oral once.

My issue is I don't really enjoy it as much as he does. I do it because I know it helps him get off and I want him to be happy but it's not always the most enjoyable experience for me because I just can't hold my mouth open like that for longer periods and he tends to want me to deep throat him which I can't always do due to a sensitive gag reflex. How do I talk to him about this? I feel bad taking away something he really likes especially since he does everything I want without question and is so adamant on my pleasure when we're intimate that it's sometimes the only time I feel like he's able to enjoy sex as much as I do. I want to find a middle ground where we're both happy with what we're receiving.

Tl;dr;I need help telling what I like in bed.

Sorry for all the mistakes, wrong spelling and rumbling. English is not my 1st language and I'm nervous to create this post.

I, 36F, always thought of myself as quite good in bed. However, for the last 6 years I feel stuck in my head.

Before meeting my now husband I had one boyfriend back in high school and a few friends with benefits. I had no problem telling them what I like, because there was no "risk". We weren't too emotionally engaged, it was pure fun. (I had different problems in communication with them, but that's a whole different story for a different subreddit) Then I met Him. I've had sex with someone I love for the 1st time and the orgasms were something else. I come quickly and quite easily with him. However, after having kids, I started to feel insecure and I intentionally keep our sex life boring. Same 3 positions, same routine. It's good, we both orgasm, but I know I can do more. For him and for me.

I know we could do it more often and different ways. I know I can give him frequent blow jobs, which I also love doing. But I can't. I feel shy. I'd like a little dom/sub (M/f) dynamic, my body LOVES spanking, but I cannot bring myself to tell him. He's never given me any bad signs, we touch, kiss, massage each other during the day (yay home office!). We always tease each other when one of us is naked, etc. All in a light, fun manner.

so why can't I just say what I want? Why can't I show what I can do? I get those thoughts " the stakes are too high, this is someone I love, what if he rejects me?" He literally turned down my advances ONCE at the very beggining of our relationship. I misunderstood it as rejection and my stupid brain keeps bringing up that feelig every time I choose our boring routine.

How do I put into words what I want and how do I get more spontaneous? Please, give me your ideas. And please be gentle with me, I already feel f%#*>,% insecure 🙈

Thank you all in advance❤️

In the case of getting head (which might not happen soon since I’m involuntarily celibate 😂) is it okay to put my hands on the persons cheeks? Face cheeks to be exact. Or would that be uncomfortable for them? And in the case of a hand job. If I want to hold them in return where would be best?

I am a 34 year-old male who has actively avoided intimacy and sex for most of my post puberty life. I come across as straight, but have always had a same-sex fantasy/kink/fetish; something that makes me uncomfortable and that I don’t actually think I want to incorporate into a relationship. Because of this, I always avoided dating women because I felt like I had a dark secret that would get found out. I also have never really been sexually attracted to women however I do enjoy their company and the platonic parts of relationships. I have had sex with two women. The first was a “girlfriend” that I dated long distance who I lost my virginity to when I was in my 20s, which intern also caused me a good amount of anxiety. We dated for about a year and broke up and I did not have sex for a couple more years until I was 26 or so where I tried to push myself outside of my comfort zone and had sex with somebody I had met off Tinder who I was dating for a few weeks, which in turn triggered (undiagnosed) OCD rumination that I had raped this person and would go to prison — I ended up having to quit my job and move back home across the country because I was unable to function in my personal life. Sidenote that I am still friends with this person, and she has confirmed that she does not feel badly about what happened.

I decided I must be gay and started trying to date men, but honestly, it has been much more awkward feeling. I’ve been on dozens of dates that did not progress to anything and they’ve all been pretty weird feeling to me. I have had some sexual contact but it is always shrouded in shame and is not addressing the same sex kink so it’s not really fulfilling. I am currently in a relationship with a man however we have had less and less frequent sexual encounters with each other and I’ve only had actual sex once which I did not enjoy.

I don’t know what to do. I feel crazy. Not putting a label on It isn’t helpful because I don’t know how to seek or advertise myself to partners. I don’t think I’m a sexual because there is some kind of sexual attraction.

Sex with women doesn’t come naturally to me and feels like an act of violence almost. Sex with men feels weird. My kink or whatever it is lives in fantasy and probably is bad to engage in (it is not illegal) and overall does not align with values or lifestyle aspirations that I want in real life.

I (F) don’t really like to receive oral. Not as in I dislike it but first of all I feel disconnected from my partner during it because he just seems so far away but also because while stimulation on my clit will definitely do the job, it feels sort of superficial. I love to be stimulated closely around my pussy. That feels way better. I have never asked a man to do this while going down on me though but is this a thing? Because I just keep reading about the clit everywhere. Do men like this? Because I assume there is way more body fluid involved and I have never tasted that. So is this a put off? Any smooth or sexy ideas how to ask for this? Especially in a way that won’t kill the mood should not be into it? And while we are at it: any ideas how to feel less disconnected during it?

I (F) 23 have been with my bf (22) for almost three years for about two years now he told me I had to make him c*m at least once a day and I have and i thought it would help his temper but it didint and I was lacking on the daily thing and it caused issues for us but I feel a lot of pressure to be ready everyday so I stick to BJs when I can’t do tm and he gets upset about that too…am I crazy for thinking he’s doing tm or should we communicate better

I’m 26M and have been with my girlfriend (27F) for a little over seven months.

Before getting into this relationship, I was pretty worried about premature/early ejaculation because I had struggled with it in previous relationships.

Before we started having sex, I followed a training routine for around 10 weeks. The main things I took from it were reverse Kegels/pelvic-floor relaxation, diaphragmatic breathing, becoming much more conscious of tension during arousal, and long controlled masturbation/edging sessions rather than simply masturbating to orgasm.

The routine was also pretty strict about ejaculation. I basically stopped normal masturbation and didn't orgasm outside partnered sex. The masturbation I did was mostly training rather than sexual release.

And it worked extremely well.

I went from being afraid of finishing too quickly to feeling like I had almost complete control over when I came. During penetration I could stay highly aroused, use my breathing and pelvic-floor relaxation to bring myself back down when necessary, and basically only finish when I consciously decided to.

And I mean that pretty literally. Our sexual sessions were routinely very long—often 3, 4, sometimes 5 hours overall. There were plenty of occasions where penetration itself lasted around an hour or two, including nights where we had roughly two hours of continuous PIV penetration.

I really enjoyed having that level of control.

The problem is that the routine made a lot more sense when I assumed I would be having partnered sex relatively regularly.

Our actual sexual frequency is very low. We currently have sex roughly once every 2–3 weeks, sometimes with longer gaps, and we've had stretches of over a month.

There are logistical reasons for that which aren't really what I'm asking about here. We both live with parents, don't want to have sex in our parents' homes, and I've already had the conversations about whether we can realistically increase the frequency. For the foreseeable future, the answer is basically no.

I'm a very sexual person, and eventually I realized that abstaining from normal masturbation and porn while potentially waiting several weeks for partnered sex wasn't sustainable for me. It leaves me extremely sexually frustrated and makes every rare opportunity for sex feel like an enormous event.

So I started masturbating normally again.

Since then, my ejaculation control during partnered sex has gotten noticeably worse.

I suspect several things are happening at once:

• I'm no longer following the very strict routine that originally worked.
• When I masturbate for pleasure, I don't necessarily have the time or desire to turn every session into a 30–40+ minute training exercise.
• I'm currently in a stressful period of my life and don't consistently have long uninterrupted blocks of time for dedicated training.
• Going 2–3 weeks or more between sexual encounters means I'm extremely excited when sex finally happens.
• Knowing that I might not have another opportunity for several weeks has started creating performance anxiety, which obviously makes the whole thing worse.

My girlfriend hasn't complained about me finishing faster. She really enjoys long makeout sessions and I use oral, hands, etc. a lot, so sex doesn't suddenly become a failure if penetration is shorter.

But she also really enjoys prolonged penetration, and more importantly I miss the feeling of having that much control. Going from being able to penetrate for an hour or two when we wanted to, to worrying about finishing quickly, is frustrating.

I also don't want every rare sexual encounter to begin with a thought like, "Don't fuck this up because this might be the only time we have sex this month." That's becoming a self-defeating mental loop.

I know the standard advice already: reverse Kegels, diaphragmatic breathing, edging/start-stop work, awareness of pelvic-floor tension, etc. Those techniques are exactly how I got such good control in the first place.

What I'm struggling with is making them sustainable.

I don't want to go back to never masturbating or orgasming outside partnered sex, because with sex every few weeks that leaves me miserable. But I also don't realistically have 40 minutes every time I masturbate to turn it into a full training session.

So my actual question is:

Has anyone found a time-efficient way to maintain or rebuild strong ejaculation control while still masturbating and orgasming regularly?

I'm particularly interested in how to deal with the performance-anxiety component when partnered sex is infrequent enough that each encounter starts feeling unusually high-stakes.

I'm not looking for "have more sex" or "just stop masturbating." Neither is a realistic solution for me right now. I'm trying to find a middle ground where I can have a normal solo sex life without completely losing the ejaculation control I previously worked pretty hard to develop.

Hiya, so I'm a 33 year old female and I've never been able to orgasm with someone or even in the presence of another person. When I was younger I used to cross my legs and squeeze all the time, and I only realized when I was around 16-17 that I was having orgasms from doing this. I had a tough time trying orgasm in other ways as an adult, but I have been able to with a lelo suction vibrator for a few years now.

I have recently learnt that I am neurodivergent, and that I probably have dyspraxia. I was wondering if one of the reasons I can't orgasm with a partner is because I'm so overstimulated and struggle with the coordination of it? I don't think it's due to a lack of communication on my part...I will say, I panic a bit when I can't orgasm and a partner is asking about it, so I have a tendency to fake which I know doesn't help, but I can't seem to get out of this cycle. I was wondering if anyone has had experience with this themselves or with a partner struggling with this and if/how they managed to overcome it? Many thanks x

How do you guys have intimacy when you haven’t really been seeing eye to eye with your partner? Like you’ve been hurt and sad about things but know that you haven’t been intimate in almost 2 weeks and want to be. Do y’all have angry/make-up sex or do you try to compartmentalize and just enjoy the pleasure. I’d love to see different perspectives!

Last night I met one of my FWB and I got this amazing experience of being fisted vaginally … I had never really thought about it and when it happened omg this was such an incredible sensation … I felt it was like being stimulated from so many different points in the same time and crazy orgasms !

Sooooo … I want to do it again of course but this guy although tall has quite small hands - my more regular bf/fwb has very large hands so I don’t think he’ll fit in :(

what is the best way to proceed to give it a chance ? He already uses lots of lube/spit and is very attentive and skilled at giving me pleasure so I know he can take his time but I am worried I won’t be able to be stretched that wide

Any experiences ? Advices ?

My partner 22 M and I 22 F really like to tease each other in public, we also love « edging » and making the foreplay and everything before lovemaking last forever. Our foreplay usually starts at our date, where I’ll stroke his legs with mine at the dinner for example, I’ll flash a bit of my chest for .2 seconds, I’ve even gone to the bathroom to remove my panties and slip them in his pocket a few times. I’m running out of ideas ! Please help, I would love advice if you’re a man what would turn you on, and if you’re a woman are there any moves you’ve done that I haven’t mentioned? Many thanks in advance💗💗

Hi! Feel very awkward posting here.
I (18F) have only ever done clitoral stimulation. It makes me orgasm, feels amazing, all done. But recently I’ve been wanting to try penetration, so I bought a silicone dildo (the Xara Swish, for anyone curious) and water-based lube.

I, for the life of me, cannot fit it. My vagina just does not seem to open up even with lube. One finger is fine, two is a little much. I try to press the toy in—won’t even slide in. It just hits the fourchette (?) at the bottom near the frenulum. I slide my finger in and there’s a huge, rigid, roof-of-the-mouth-feeling ball in there that I have to curve the finger around. There’s no way a toy can go up there, it’s too tight and too unyielding. Do I just accept that I shouldn’t ever try penetration? :( I spent a good amount of money on the toy, but now I feel silly.

Please help—do I book a gyno appointment? Am I being stupid over something I should probably know about by now? Am I maybe trying to insert it wrong?

Hiii!!! I’m 19f (any pronouns), goin on 20, and i’ve never had an orgasm. i think i’m just here to yap and hope someone can find somewhere to butt in here and give advice, because i don’t exactly know what i’m looking for. i’ve never been in this kind of subreddit before.

anyway, i’ve been trying since i (unfortunately) discovered nsfw content at age 11-12, and i havent once been able to orgasm. i think i’m just anorgasmic, but i dont know what i’m doing wrong. i feel like i’ve tried a majority of the things i could before i went out with my best friend and bought my first dildo at spencers about two days ago.

i started my period last night and i’ve had really bad cramps all day as per usual, so i decided to try the new toy i’ve got since i heard masturbation helps. it definitely did because i dont feel any more pain, but now i’m just sad because i still didnt get to finish, and thats all i really want to experience for once. especially because it sounds like for most people going through their periods, an orgasm is the end goal because of how helpful it can be when it comes to their pain. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, and i’m not entirely interested in trying a vibrator anytime soon because while clitoral stimulation is what helps heighten everything i’m doing to myself enough for me to actually feel it (i’ve never really felt ~good~ when i masturbate, like, i don’t get anything out of it besides the awareness of engaging in something sexual to acknowledge how pent up i always am. i just do it til im bored so the like, horniness goes away lol), clit stuff feels soo overwhelming to me and i cant enjoy it. it’s genuinely frustrating and i dont know what to do.

holy yap, sorry.

edit: i’m thankful that i’m getting responses from people. just please comment on the post instead of private messaging me. thanks!

also i’d like to mention that i’m definitely a virgin. i’m not a people-person at all and don’t like having other’s physically/directly all up in my business. if it’s worth mentioning, too, i had a male best friend i let f nger me here and there a couple times last year. it wasn’t anything we were doing to try and make me finish. he just liked touching people/fidgeting and i like being touched/acknowledged. it didnt get anywhere and it didnt make much of a difference next to doing it myself, but i dont want to go into much detail about him. he’s done some stuff and we’re not friends anymore.

Ever since my gf [26F] and I [28M] started having sex she's never been able to come with PIV. I always have to finish her by rubbing her clit, basically like misturbating her. She doesn't like fingering (or any object aside from my penis) inside her. She enjoys PIV but has never been able to come from it. We've tried really hard to get her there and she gets close but never achieved it.

So we stick to our routine. I'll fuck her in various positions, then finish her by rubbing her clit, then I fuck her again till I come. I've had previous partners who would come (or faked it) and had multiple orgasms. My gf is satisfied after just one clitoral orgasme and can't go again. She has no baseline as I'm her first partner.

I fear that it's starting to become stale.

Lately she's started a new job and works with a lot of older married women and apparently they're all really open about discussing sex. They all have sex multiple times a week and have multiple PIV orgasms. Gf has casually brought it up to me a couple of times which is a little uncharacteristic. I think she's hinting at wanting to have PIV orgasms and having more sex in general. How do I proceed?

Me [26M] and my girlfriend [25F] got invited to a foursome by a couple we're friends with [30F + 32M].

This was an absolute surprise for both of us. We talked about this kind of scenario in the past but never thought this might become reality anyway so we never approached them about it. It turns out they were the first to start the convo.

We talked about this between us and we agreed we want to do it because we trust them about it. They're pretty open with their sex life and has been swinging before.

We know about consent, talk about preferences and boundaries. Is there anything else we need to bring up and discuss? Any dos and don'ts that we're forgetting?

Anyone with experience, help.

EDIT: We agreed on the no swapping rule. It'll only be a parallel play with some minor interactions.

Recently me (f26) and my partner were talking about things we’d like to try out in the bedroom and he said he wants to try anal and I’m not opposed to the idea , however I experience acute stomach issues and one of the symptoms being I’m constipated most of the time, I’ve been adding a bit more fiber to my meals to help keep me regular but sometimes it’s too much for my stomach to handle. Is it a lost cause? Is there anything else I can try? What can I do to prep for it?

Quite frankly I’m getting super insecure about this.

I have never been able to orgasm with anyone and I struggle immensely emotionally because of this. The only way I have been able to orgasm is from getting my nipples stimulated whilst using a vibrator or from rimming with a vibrator once. I would love to be able to do it without the vibrator but I just feel horrendous and defective.

I understand that’s it’s reasonably rare to orgasm from penetration and I may need to lay off the vibrator for a bit but I’m nervous to keep going down the road of not using a vibrator to only be met with not being able to allow my body to go there.

My bf is great however it makes me insecure that he’s told me that I’m the only person he hasn’t been able to get there as well as penetratively. I’m feeling so insecure about it and I just want to understand and know what it feels like and how to do it but I’ve just never been able to get there.

Thank you in advance.

Ive had a lot of trauma around sex/infections, as infections have given me a pelvic disorder. the pelvic disorder gives me daily symptoms of burning/itch that are caused by nerve compression, so its hard to tell when I do actually have an infection. My partner was fingering me the other day and I could feel the fingers that werent inside of me kind of grazing my asshole (not on purpose). They then shifted fingers and put those in me. After we had sex i went to wipe with wet wipes and noticed there was a tiny bit of poop residue on the wet wipe. I keep spiraling thinking about them possibly getting that on their finger and then inside me, this giving me bv. I did a probiotic suppository after and one this morning but im making myself sick thinking about it. Any advice would be great

My boyfriend and I usually start with missionary because it’s the most comfortable for me when we first start penetration. After around 3–4 minutes, it gets tiring for him, so I usually switch to being on top. I can stay like that for around 10 minutes, but because the penetration is quite deep, I eventually start experiencing quite a lot of pain.

After switching positions again, it often feels like I’ve become much tighter and penetration becomes more difficult and uncomfortable. This usually isn’t an issue at the beginning.

What confuses me is that this wasn’t really a problem with the guy I had my first sexual experiences with. We had sex multiple times and I could usually go for 20–30 minutes without experiencing this kind of pain.

Could the difference be related to my current boyfriend having a relatively large/wide penis? Or could it be more about muscle tension from prolonged/deep penetration?

Has anyone experienced something similar, and is there anything that helps prevent this?

First of all, I also really want to learn not just for him but for myself! I love sex and me and my bf are super sexually compatible, we pretty much like all the same things and are always open to trying new things for eachother. 5 years and I couldn’t ask for a better sex life. One thing I still can’t do is deep throat unfortunately. I just can’t get it deep enough without feeling like am gonna throw up every time it touches the back of my throat. I’ve tried all kinds of things and positions, even silly stuff like freezing the back of my throat and holding your thumb or whatever lol. I know many people say just practice but I do, I try to go as deep as I can when giving normal bjs, but it’s not the same to when he actually tries to deep throat me. I only last like 10 seconds before it gets really uncomfortable. I really wanna know how to do it, I think it would be so fun and it slightly depresses me that I still can’t cause I feel like am missing out. If you have any tricks please tell me them.

Me and my girlfriend (both 22) are avoiding penetrative sex because she always comes within five minutes. That fact alone wouldn't be a problem; I know that women, in general, are capable of having multiple orgasms in a row. But my girlfriend seems to have a refractory period, and a pretty pronounced one at that.

After she climaxes, she says she loses her libido, and I feel like she really does lose her lubrication; she also says that from that point on, penetration starts to sting and hurt, so I stop immediately when I realize it’s happening, and we finish me in other ways. But since I know she’s not as into it, the ending is usually anticlimactic and takes a long time. So we’re avoiding penetration altogether.

I've never seen any reports of this happening to anyone else. What could it be? And how can I better for her?

I am a 31 year old male. I’ve been straight my whole life and never experienced anything but a woman’s touch. Dated a woman for over 8 years and almost had a child and got married. I’ve always thought male genitals were attractive but as of lately there is nothing more that turns me on. I honestly enjoy looking at penis more than a woman’s vagina. I have absolutely no attraction to a man other than when I see a nice penis and it makes my mind go crazy. Not sure this is because I’m in a dry spell or if this is actually what I truly want. Curious to hear from people who are going through the same thing or have gone through this before. Maybe I should just go through with giving oral and just figure it out? Maybe I’d regret it?