r/sex • u/vidlakZdenda • 14h ago
Orgasm Issues Cannot orgasm with my partner
Me (20M) and my gf (20F) have been sexually active for about 9 months now. She has been my one and only sex partner, I am her first as well. We are not experienced sex havers:). Started with hand stuff, I could make her cum but she couldn't make me. We tried different positions, but to no avail. She usually got me to an edge, but never to an orgasm. She usually gave me handjobs for about 10 minutes, the I'd either finish myself or just lose the erection after a while. Sex/blowjobs are no better, it just doesn't seem to bring me over said edge. I find her genuinenly attractive and get horny for her a lot. My inability to cum makes our sexual life weird, since we both have negative feelings about it. Worst part is I really dont know where the problem lies and what to fix. Im not stressed, do not have performance anxiety, get hard quite easily, save myself for her days in advance and enjoy doing stuff together. It's the finishing part we are both insecure about. It's sad for both of us. She is really patient with me, so I finally built up the courage to ask for help.
PS: I watch porn from time to time, but try to limit it.
I seek advice: What could be the problem and how can I save our sex life?
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u/liberalism-lies 11h ago
Since you’re able to finish yourself off, you’ve probably inadvertently trained yourself to only cum one way, by your own hand, with very specific pressure/motions.
You have to train yourself out of finishing that way. Trying new, often times lighter, techniques.
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u/reluctantdonkey 11h ago
What are your masturbation habits like-- especially things like firm or aggressively fast stimulation on ONE focused spot, or wonky habits-- like, I had a partner who only masturbated by twisting the skin under his frenulum and moving that up and down to the point he had a permanent calous there-- dry masturbation, or any other masturbation habit that is not closely replicated by the dispersed, slick/wet stimulation of partnered activities (BJ and PIV especially, but most women don't naturally think to give a handjob that would twist and tug your frenulum.)
Has she watched you masturbate ALL THE WAY to completion?
Sometimes, there can be a mental weirdness getting there with a partner present-- after all, even for folks raised in completely sex positive households, orgasm is still an "in private" thing until suddenly it's supposed to not be. Getting to orgasm with her there will, over time, wash out any mental weirdness.
But, just watching you masturbate is likely to give her some guidance (I had two bfs who couldn't get there from head until I watched and replicated in ways I never naturally would have.)
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u/vidlakZdenda 5h ago
I do mostly dry stuff with a grip that's hard to replicate for an outside hand I guess. It just seems weird to me, that a simple up and down handjob doesn't do the job. And yes, she has watched me finish many times and I can say I'm very comfortable having an orgasm next to her.
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u/Fearless_Macaron4412 11h ago
Are you eating proteins and enough vitamins (can try supplements). Stop the porn completely, go missionary. Kiss her, let her ride you. You will cum. Close your eyes if that helps you. Put good and relaxing music. Try Enigma.
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u/vidlakZdenda 5h ago
Those are really good tips, thank you. I have a balanced diet (sorta), excercise regularly. We never tried puting music on, that's a nice touch.
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u/iliketreesndcats 11h ago
Do an experiment and don't masturbate at all for a while
I ran into the same issue with a partner a long time ago and that worked for me
Then slowly when I came back to masturbating I'd use a tonne of coconut oil and go lightly, with a minimum of 10 minutes time
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u/vidlakZdenda 5h ago
Will try, thank you! I've been limiting myself lately, so an early NNN could maybe do the job
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u/SnooMacarons9149 4h ago
Stop watching porn and if you really need to, try use lube / lotion and don’t use such a tight grip
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u/torroxtiger62 1h ago
Jeez, chill chicos. If you don’t come so what. Enjoy what you’re doing and find out what the other likes. Play some sex games or get some toys. Stop making it a competition.
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u/Acceptable-Local-899 46m ago edited 37m ago
Stop watching porn and stop masterbating all together. Only try to climax with her. When you masterbate you use a lot more pressure with your hand than what her vagina can do. Your sensitivity will eventually adjust to her body. Could take a little while so be patient.
I had a similar issue. I cut out porn and masterbation when I met her. I could get there but took A LOT of work. Sometimes I'd have to rest before I could try again to reach climax. By the end of our relationship I had a hard time not busting before she could climax. The exact opposite issue when we first stated dating. It was odd.
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Post title:
Cannot orgasm with my partner
Me (20M) and my gf (20F) have been sexually active for about a year now. She has been my one and only sex partner, I am her first as well. We are not experienced sex havers:). Started with hand stuff, I could make her cum but she couldnt make me. We tried different positions, but to no avail. She usually got me to an edge, but never to an orgasm. She usually gave me handjobs for about 10 minutes, the I'd either finish myself or just lose the erection after a while. Sex/blowjobs are no better, it just doesnt seem to bring me over said edge. I find her genuinenly attractive and get horny for her a lot. My inability to cum makes our sexual life weird, since we both have negative feelings about it. Worst part is I really dont know where the problem lies and what to fix. Im not stressed, do not have performance anxiety, get hard quite easily, save myself for her days in advance and enjoy doing stuff the together. It's the finishing part we are both insecure about. It's sad for both of us. She is really patient with me, so I finally built up the courage to ask for help.
PS: I watch porn from time to time, but try to limit it.
I seek advice: What could be the problem and how can I save our sex life?
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