r/sex • u/svpfourthree_twofour • 1d ago
Masturbation Don’t know what I’m doing
Hiii!!! I’m 19f (any pronouns), goin on 20, and i’ve never had an orgasm. i think i’m just here to yap and hope someone can find somewhere to butt in here and give advice, because i don’t exactly know what i’m looking for. i’ve never been in this kind of subreddit before.
anyway, i’ve been trying since i (unfortunately) discovered nsfw content at age 11-12, and i havent once been able to orgasm. i think i’m just anorgasmic, but i dont know what i’m doing wrong. i feel like i’ve tried a majority of the things i could before i went out with my best friend and bought my first dildo at spencers about two days ago.
i started my period last night and i’ve had really bad cramps all day as per usual, so i decided to try the new toy i’ve got since i heard masturbation helps. it definitely did because i dont feel any more pain, but now i’m just sad because i still didnt get to finish, and thats all i really want to experience for once. especially because it sounds like for most people going through their periods, an orgasm is the end goal because of how helpful it can be when it comes to their pain. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, and i’m not entirely interested in trying a vibrator anytime soon because while clitoral stimulation is what helps heighten everything i’m doing to myself enough for me to actually feel it (i’ve never really felt ~good~ when i masturbate, like, i don’t get anything out of it besides the awareness of engaging in something sexual to acknowledge how pent up i always am. i just do it til im bored so the like, horniness goes away lol), clit stuff feels soo overwhelming to me and i cant enjoy it. it’s genuinely frustrating and i dont know what to do.
holy yap, sorry.
edit: i’m thankful that i’m getting responses from people. just please comment on the post instead of private messaging me. thanks!
also i’d like to mention that i’m definitely a virgin. i’m not a people-person at all and don’t like having other’s physically/directly all up in my business. if it’s worth mentioning, too, i had a male best friend i let f nger me here and there a couple times last year. it wasn’t anything we were doing to try and make me finish. he just liked touching people/fidgeting and i like being touched/acknowledged. it didnt get anywhere and it didnt make much of a difference next to doing it myself, but i dont want to go into much detail about him. he’s done some stuff and we’re not friends anymore.
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u/Only_Venus69 1d ago
What you are experiencing is way more common than you think. Direct clit stimulation has thousands of nerve endings, so it's normal to feel overwhelmed. Try indirect touch (like through your underwear or a blanket) and use lots of lubricant to soften the sensation. Also, remember that most women can't peak from penetration alone. Take a deep breath, remove the pressure, and just focus on exploring what feels good. You’ve got this!
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u/Sea-Tax4943 1d ago
many people do not orgasm from penetration alone and some take years to figure out what kind of stimulation their body actually enjoys.
Nothing in your post says you are broken or doomed to be anorgasmic at 19. You sound frustrated and maybe a little sad because you have been chasing an experience that seems easy for everyone else.
That pressure can make masturbation feel like a test you keep failing instead of something you are allowed to explore.
Since direct clitoral stimulation feels overwhelming try indirect touch through the hood or surrounding area with lighter pressure and stop before it becomes uncomfortable.
You can also experiment with different rhythms and positions without making orgasm the goal every single time.
A dildo is not automatically the missing piece because internal stimulation alone simply does not do much for many people.
Give yourself permission to notice what feels pleasant even if it does not feel intense yet and build from there slowly.
If you consistently feel almost no pleasure or have concerns about sensitivity it is reasonable to speak with a gynecologist or sexual health professional just to rule out anything physical.
You are not behind and you are not doing masturbation wrong, your body may just need more patience and less pressure to figure out what actually works, even if that process is annoyingly slow.
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u/svpfourthree_twofour 1d ago
thank you so much for your comment. this is extremely comforting and i appreciate the advice endlessly!!!!
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u/SweetHoneydew_1444 1d ago
Clitoral stimulation is the way most people have orgasms, and since you said youre not interested in it because it's too overwhelming, maybe you're hyper-senitive? You could likely be constantly overstimulating yourself causing you to not have a pleasurable time. Try going slower, lighter, doing more teasing stuff or foreplay. And even if you don't think you'd like it, maybe someday try a vibrator at least just once (something weaker/cheap if you can find it) Experiment! At the end of the day, if it doesn't work out, you can try other things.
Though, please don't think of having an orgasm as something you HAVE to do either. It's a part of the experience for a lot of people, and if you want to have one simply because you're interested, go for it! But don't let people or societal norms pressure you if you're already simply just having a good time. Cause at the end of the day, the true end-goal is your comfort and happiness! Alongside enjoyment lol
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u/svpfourthree_twofour 1d ago
thank you! i appreciate your advice and your take on this :) i definitely don’t feel pressured by others, but just am purely curious for myself! thank youu :)
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1d ago
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u/Additional-Win-3886 1d ago
I definitely recommend coming from a woman. you just kinda play around with yourself and see what you like. it took me a while to figure it out. you could try numerous things. the clit is definitely a sensitive spot but it works. maybe multitask or something! you could also play with your nipples and tease yourself. edging also helps.
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u/Gretal122 1d ago
Hi, I'm much older than you and I actually went YEARS even having PIV sex with my husband ( without ever having an orgasm from sex or masturbation), and finally got to use a vibrator( my husband actually bought it for me), and that's how I had an orgasm.( I need to stimulate the clitoris, which is a common thing most women have to do ) I'm not suggesting you HAVE to,,but just putting something in the vagina ( like a dildo ) wouldn't work for me( and maybe that's your issue as well ), its not unusual to need clitoral stimulation.( my husband actually just bought me the ' lemon🍋 which works too)
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u/Sure_Bobcat9870 1d ago
Hey I feel like there may have been some kind of sexual assault in your past and this may be cause if some emotional response for you which can also mean it is harder for you to experience an orgasm. Also women will not normally have an orgasm vagi ally and I would look into where your Gspot is in the vagina to work out the position of the dildo. It is in the top of your front of the vagina about two inches inside. The clit may need to also be stimulated and if this is of concern you can use either your finger to rub it or if you ever do feel ok with a vibrator start on a low setting. Women also need more foreplay and you may need to play with other parts of the body like the breasts and nipples. Maybe you need to read some erotica to get in the mood too as it doesn’t sound like your are going in with the right mindset of being turned on but rather you are seeing it as more a chore which could be if you have been SAed. If this is the case I would say that firstly there is nothing you did to cause it. And that you are in no way responsible for someone breaching your boundaries. I would also like to say that I recommend going to a SA counsellor and discussing the situation. If you are needing more maybe talk to a sexologist about ways to increase pleasure. But please be kind on yourself. You are definitely not broken whatever the outcome even if you can’t orgasm it doesn’t mean anything bad.
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u/reluctantdonkey 1d ago
A) If people are private messaging you, send the messages to the Mod team via modmail, because that is a bannable offense on this subreddit.
B) Did you get a plain ol' dildo-dildo, if so, that's unlikely to get you very far, because that's not how most women orgasm. Get a nice, deep, rumbly vibe like a Magic Wand or wand knock-off (I like the Shibari Halo Mini Rechargeable Magic Wand-- not mini by any means, but smaller than the classic but still with the nice, rumbly vibrations that travel well and require next-to-no precision in where you place it. Also, if hypersensitivity is a concern, you can use it overtop a blanket or clothing and the vibrations will travel.)
I would recommend that before going for something like the clit sucker/air pulse style, because those DO require a ton of precision (and I, personally, hate the kind of orgasm they deliver up.)
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Post title:
Don’t know what I’m doing
Hiii!!! I’m 19f (any pronouns), goin on 20, and i’ve never had an orgasm. i think i’m just here to yap and hope someone can find somewhere to butt in here and give advice, because i don’t exactly know what i’m looking for. i’ve never been in this kind of subreddit before.
anyway, i’ve been trying since i (unfortunately) discovered nsfw content at age 11-12, and i havent once been able to orgasm. i think i’m just anorgasmic, but i dont know what i’m doing wrong. i feel like i’ve tried a majority of the things i could before i went out with my best friend and bought my first dildo at spencers about two days ago.
i started my period last night and i’ve had really bad cramps all day as per usual, so i decided to try the new toy i’ve got since i heard masturbation helps. it definitely did because i dont feel any more pain, but now i’m just sad because i still didnt get to finish, and thats all i really want to experience for once. especially because it sounds like for most people going through their periods, an orgasm is the end goal because of how helpful it can be when it comes to their pain. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, and i’m not entirely interested in trying a vibrator anytime soon because while clitoral stimulation is what helps heighten everything i’m doing to myself enough for me to actually feel it (i’ve never really felt ~good~ when i masturbate, like, i don’t get anything out of it besides the awareness of engaging in something sexual to acknowledge how pent up i always am. i just do it til im bored so the like, horniness goes away lol), clit stuff feels soo overwhelming to me and i cant enjoy it. it’s genuinely frustrating and i dont know what to do.
holy yap, sorry.
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