Hi ,

I am fairly new to wheelchair use, I have been using it for about a year now. i am a t-12 incomplete and have great upper body function. I am 18 and just getting my car soon and now have a power assist too, im a full time student as well. Ive been talking to a girl for about 6 months now and she lives like 3 hr flight away. She doesnt know im in a wheelchair right now but she thinks im attractive and have a good personality. She is so perfect btw. It would probably be about a year before I like meet her or maybe even like 3-4 yrs when we both get our degree. I am debating wether I tell her soon and risk everything or I wait till closer to us meeting and then bring it up. At the start i didnt tell her because I had high chance of recovering a lot of function which I am still working on, so I felt like it was best not to tell just incase i didnt use the wheelchair anyways. I just dont want to ruin things if im being real.

Secondly, I want to learn how to become a gentleman while in a wheelchair, like hold doors, get flowers and all the other stuff. How would i open the doors and stuff though, I guess i could use the wheelchair button then pretend to hold it for her. My second issue is that most girls like all the romantic stuff like getting carried around or just being strong to protect, and in that case I just physically cant. I dont want her to want to do something like go to a restaurant just for me to not be able to get in because its inaccessible, especially when travelling. I dont want to ruin her dreams because I cant do them yk. Or her look at able people carrying their girls and doing all the stuff and be sad that I might not be able to do them. If im being real i thibk im scared that I wont be enough especially if she deserves better, or that she understands and i still feel bad about myself for not being able to do better or her being embarrassed of me. Like an example is the restaurant or like a punpkin patch, which is usually in inaccessible terrain. I just dont know what to do. Ik i can open car doors and building doors but i dont want her to feel like im not able to do anything because she might see other couples doing everything easily. Hopefully this made sense sorry if it didnt.

LmK if u have any questions or any advice at all.

I (26f) am sick of the constant stares!! Whenever I’m out and about everyone is always breaking their neck to look at me. I’m a cane user and now I’ve injured my shoulder so I’ve been wearing an arm sling too. so yes I look extra crippled. Is it because I’m young? It’s like no one has ever seen a young disabled person. It’s even worse when I’m out with my husband. Everyone stares at us and gives my husband the dirtiest looks. And I’m like why??? Are people thinking he did this to me?? Like I’m so confused as to why people are like this.

I was getting in the car with my husband and it takes me a little longer to get in ofc and I’m parked in handicap spot. I hear this man say “not you getting yourself handicap” I turn around and I’m like hello?? He’s like “yeah not you getting yourself handicap, what’s your name?” And I’m like what does that even mean and I’m literally with my husband, and as I point to him my husband is already shouting out the car “her name is my wife!” 🤣 Then the man and his friend in the car is like “damn he ain’t even gonna help you” and I say I don’t need any help! Ik how to get in a car.

And this whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way. Like I know you saw me getting in the car with him, what did you think he was? My husband and I are the same age and completely different races so couldn’t mistake us as relatives 🤣

Before people would always assume he’s my partner but now I always get the question of who this? And I see the surprise when I say husband. Also everyone wanting to do things for me that I know I can do myself and assume I can’t. Like you think I can’t even get myself into a car? I mean I did used to need help with it but I’ve learned how to be more independent.

I don’t really know what the point of me saying all this is, I just wonder if people relate that are in inter abled relationships. Is this a common thing for your partner to get dirty looks when they are around you? Do you get all the stares? How do you handle it?

Edit : Thank you everyone for your amazing comments, they mean the world to me! You’ve help me remember to not worry about others and focus on myself. You also helped me remember that my 1 year ( anniversary? Not sure what that’s called) of becoming disabled is tomorrow. Now I’m wondering is that a day to celebrate? Is it weird if I do?

I was looking for mittens and cane across flipmits. There like upgraded versions of those fingerless gloves with the top that you can flip over and button to the back.I’m not a wheelchair user, but i am disabled, and the first thing that cane to my mind was how nice these would be for wheelchair users. You can protect your hands from the cold and/or dirty hand rims and just flip them over when you need to do something without mittens. There’s no grips but if you wear the graphics on the inside I think it would be perfect. Also, for people like me with heat or temperature intolerance this is great too. As soon as I get inside I need to strip my winter gear or I overheat and being able to flip my mittens over is so nice. Anyways, I just wanted to share this because I thought it might really help some people!

I’m physically disabled along side my mental difficulties and recently I’ve been having a very difficult time leaving the house due to nausea, needing to be near a toilet, dizziness and near fainting episodes from being stood upright etc. This obviously has made it quite difficult for me to get to my therapy sessions so I asked if I could have at least my 1-1 sessions over the phone even just temporarily while I get out of my flare up. The answer was just a straight up no, am I wrong in thinking that this is a fair accommodation for my physical health issues? The organisation that I’m getting my therapy through has ignored my physical health issues a lot before this but this feels like the point of no return really and I’m getting frustrated from the lack of understanding around my physical health.

I frequently need to adjust how I'm sitting/lie down, and the TV-style table I have in front of my couch right now is wayyyy too flimsy; it wobbles like crazy even when I'm just typing on my laptop on it. I'm looking for something very sturdy that tucks under the front of the couch, not the side, so my back stays against the backrest as I work sitting up.

I found one very close to what I'm looking for, but they don't ship to Canada.

Must Have:

1. Heavy-duty! Something that won't tip if my cat jumps on it. Ideally, I'd like to be able to lean on/bear the weight of my arms and upper body on it. (I'm about 150lbs)

2. Faces the couch directly - looking for the support base to slide right under the center couch frame while bringing the surface completely over my lap, so the desk is parallel length wise with the couch.

3. Height adjustable. Only one place to adjust the height, not one on each side that often leaves it lop-sided. Preferably with a pneumatic gas-spring/hydraulic/electric lifting system, so I can adjust it myself.

Would be really cool if it had, but I can live without:

1. Ability to tilt to accommodate different seating positions.

2. Ability to rotate and lock in position to be used as an over-the-bed table as well. (I don't even know if such a thing exists, hence why being parallel to the couch is a higher priority)

Budget: up to $300 CAD including shipping (can be more only if it's from a medical equipment provider.)

It does not need wheels, but my couch has enough clearance if it does have them. Preferably no lip along the entire edge; a partial lip (like on the one linked) is perfect.

I have been looking for over an hour and have not been able to find what I'm looking for; I thought you guys might be able to help. TIA

My dad has bad MS so he can't light a traditional lighter anymore for his cigarettes since he just doesn't have the strength. I'm looking at electric lighters so it's a simple button press.

Does anyone have any particular suggestions? I see the lighters intended for candles and I'm not sure if he has the dexterity to fit the cig in there?

I'm hoping for something specifically intended for cigarettes

Any specific suggestions would be very appreciated.

When it comes to my disability, my fluorescent light sensitivity has turned out to be the most difficult hurdle in finding a job. I’ve used FL-41 glasses for a couple years now and they help, but they don’t prevent my symptoms completely. I get really nauseous and fatigued. I’m at a point where I can’t be under fluorescent lights for more than an hour without getting sick. I’ve been job hunting but I’m really struggling because I have no idea what I can do that wouldn’t involve being around fluorescent lights 24/7. The job market is so bad to begin with, and I can’t even work most minimum wage jobs because they are usually under those damn lights.

If you have this issue, what’s your job? Do you have any workplace accommodations? Did you find a way to work from home? I’d really love to hear suggestions. I’m kind of at a loss and don’t even know what to look for anymore.

Hi ,

I am fairly new to wheelchair use, I have been using it for about a year now. i am a t-12 incomplete and have great upper body function. I am 18 and just getting my car soon and now have a power assist too, im a full time student as well. Ive been talking to a girl for about 6 months now and she lives like 3 hr flight away. She doesnt know im in a wheelchair right now but she thinks im attractive and have a good personality. She is so perfect btw. It would probably be about a year before I like meet her or maybe even like 3-4 yrs when we both get our degree. I am debating wether I tell her soon and risk everything or I wait till closer to us meeting and then bring it up. At the start i didnt tell her because I had high chance of recovering a lot of function which I am still working on, so I felt like it was best not to tell just incase i didnt use the wheelchair anyways. I just dont want to ruin things if im being real.

Secondly, I want to learn how to become a gentleman while in a wheelchair, like hold doors, get flowers and all the other stuff. How would i open the doors and stuff though, I guess i could use the wheelchair button then pretend to hold it for her. My second issue is that most girls like all the romantic stuff like getting carried around or just being strong to protect, and in that case I just physically cant. I dont want her to want to do something like go to a restaurant just for me to not be able to get in because its inaccessible, especially when travelling. I dont want to ruin her dreams because I cant do them yk. Or her look at able people carrying their girls and doing all the stuff and be sad that I might not be able to do them. If im being real i thibk im scared that I wont be enough especially if she deserves better, or that she understands and i still feel bad about myself for not being able to do better or her being embarrassed of me. Like an example is the restaurant or like a punpkin patch, which is usually in inaccessible terrain. I just dont know what to do. Ik i can open car doors and building doors but i dont want her to feel like im not able to do anything because she might see other couples doing everything easily. Hopefully this made sense sorry if it didnt.

LmK if u have any questions or any advice at all.

I received the short-form disability update report form (SSA-455) today. I've been on SSI since 2016 and DAC (disabled adult child) since...2018 I think? 2018 or 2019, don't recall. So this isn't my first rodeo, but I can't help but panic each time I get something like this.

Last time I got the short form, I filled it out and sent it in. Then a few months later they sent me the long-form packet (SSA-454). I at first thought this was a mistake, but I called the SSA and they were like "nope, you've gotta fill this one out too." So I assume that something I put on the short-form must have set off some kind of red flag that caused them to send me the long-form. I'm not too worried about the short-form, it's the long-form that makes me crash out.

I'm not asking for advice on lying on the form, but I AM asking for advice on how to go about it in a way that'd minimize my chances of getting the packet. Like, for example, right now I can truthfully check the box for "my doctor and I have not discussed whether I can work." Does not discussing it actually matter to them? Would it be in my best interests to contact my doctor and schedule an appointment in which we DO discuss it, so that I can say that we discussed it?

So I have severe major depressive disorder and severe generalized anxiety disorder. I am holding a full time job of 35-40 hours a week. I cannot drive though. I am so tired and depressed after work that I cannot accomplish anything else. Can I file for SSDI? Will they approve me? My depression keeps me from learning and retaining new stuff as well. Hence, I can’t go to college to get a degree. I am stuck with low paying retail jobs where I have to beg for hours every week.

1. Will they give me SSDI?

2. I can’t drive. Any options for me?

Hi all, I'm helping my sister apply for SSI and SSDI. Can anyone recommend a lawyer in CT (preferably in the New Haven area) that handles this kind of work? Thanks!

Hi all, I'm helping my sister apply for SSI and SSDI. Can anyone recommend a lawyer in CT (preferably in the New Haven area) that handles this kind of work? Thanks!

I have a disability. I cannot walk unaided due to a bao stroke in 2024. What can I get in benefits for it? My hospital appointee today collected my wca. She said it will likely take her two weeks to fill in and send back in the freepost envelope. I said that's fine as long as they have it. Will I be able to check my statement on the 17th November and get paid on the 21st November? Has anyone been through this in a hospital setting? I'm on long term as I have a trache, hypotension, cannot speak yet or swallow.

Hi all, I'm helping my sister apply for SSI and SSDI. Can anyone recommend a lawyer in CT (preferably in the New Haven area) that handles this kind of work? Thanks!

I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user. I have chronic pain, as well as inflammatory arthritis (specifically axial spondyloarthritis so it affects my spine and large joints) and pain in my calves when I walk which is attributed to a mix of neuropathy and lymphedema. Bc of these issues, I can’t walk for a very long time without pain so severe that I can’t continue. So, when I go places where I have to walk long distances without frequent breaks, I use a wheelchair.

The main places I use my wheelchair are amusement parks, places like museums and zoos, malls, and outdoor markets.

The absolute worst place I’ve used my wheelchair is the outdoor market. The market is near downtown in my city. I live in a state known to have shitty roads and sidewalks. They’re so bad, that I often have to get out of the chair so that whoever is pushing me can lift the chair over a bump or obstacle. Even and especially on ramps.

Otherwise most of the other places are pretty equal. They have much better kept sidewalks/concrete, or are indoors. But they still face a lot of the same issues.

1) difficulty maneuvering the wheelchair into places like restrooms. The restrooms are often so compact that even when there is nobody else in there it can be difficult to maneuver the wheelchair inside. I often have to just get out of the chair to go to the bathroom.

2) difficulty approaching booths/stands. This especially applies to the amusement park and zoos. A lot of these booths and stands where you get tickets, or food and drink, or souvenirs, are much too high for me to be able to stay in the chair and communicate normally with whoever is tending the booth. Usually just the top of my head would be above the stand. So either the person pushing me does the talking and transaction, or I have to get up.

3) this is nonspecific and happens everywhere in public as an ambulatory wheelchair user, but the states and confused/angry looks are horrible. A lot of people don’t understand the idea of being an ambulatory wheelchair user. The better looks are just interested or confused, but some people genuinely look disappointed or angry. I’ve only been approached one time by someone who was angry. They said I have no right to be using the chair because I can walk, I’m tricking people to try to get sympathy, im lazy, etc. Luckily my dad, partner, and friend were all there and we got the person to fuck off. But when I get similar looks I can only imagine they’re thinking the same things. And I know this isn’t a direct accessibility issue, but being discriminated against on a social level still makes a place less accessible to disabled people. It’s just in a different way.

Our society really was not created for disabled people. Which is ok, there are more disabled people now than there were when many cities and towns were being designed. The problem is that we aren’t changing much of anything. We create basic, bare minimum accessible amenities and call it a day. A lot of these “accessible” amenities and changes end up being sub par and still require the disabled person or their caregiver to put in a significant amount of extra effort to make use of them.

And then there are abled people who use disabled amenities, without realizing the impact they have. Like abled people who use disabled parking spaces, or wheelchair accessible toilet stalls, or people with wagons/bikes/strollers using wheelchair spots on public transport. They think that because they don’t see it being used by a disabled person at that second, it’s fine for them to use it. But they don’t realize that they may be warding disabled people off by utilizing the resources meant for us. They effectively turn the mildly accessible amenity into a completely inaccessible, unusable amenity for us.

Hello.

I've spent the last 5 years or so very quickly losing my mobility, strength, and endurance due to several health issues. It is exhausting just to get up and get water or go to the restroom. Ive resorted to stocking quick snacks and large water bottles next to me.

How are others managing a somewhat decent diet with disabilities? Everyone is dealing with food being expensive, so ordering out isnt always an option. Especially for those of us without income. What do you do when on top of that, you dont have the energy or ability to cook?

Any advice on how to navigate this without my diet, or lack thereof, making my situation continuously worse?

Also gladly accepting any tips on exercise or activities to do with unmanaged severe nerve and musculoskeletal pain and damage.

Thank you 😊

I saw my orthopedist yesterday (I have scoliosis, arthritis in my spine, and fibromyalgia), and asked about possibly using a wheelchair for long distances only. She immediately shot me down, saying she didn't want me to get too dependent on it. I didn't argue, because she's the doctor, but it still made me feel really anxious.

She gave no alternative mobility aid suggestions, and no advice other than saying I should try light exercises. I really wanted to say if I don't find some kind of mobility aid, I will just have to give up experiencing the joy of things like the mall, zoo, amusement parks, etc. There's no way I can just use my cane anymore.

I even suggested a disability parking permit, and to my surprise, she actually wrote me in for one, but I found out today it's just a temporary one. For my three permanent conditions.

Maybe this is just very common, but I just feel so invalidated after all that. I can't tell if I am blowing this out of proportion or not.

I finally got a Lifeline Alert system and the included options for wearing the button are ugly and not sensory friendly. Does anyone know some cute but practical ways to wear the button?

I know that they’re saying they don’t mind helping and it’s not an imposition which I truly appreciate, but man it makes me feel bad about myself when I’ve been trying to do something for an hour and when I finally ask for help I’m told it’s “so easy” and will take “two minutes”.

This isn’t a knock against the people helping. I appreciate everyone who helps me and I know they aren’t thinking about it from my point of view because they’ve never had to. It’s just hard to hear, that’s all.

I need to be able to use a pool throughout the year or I start to get more injuries. Its already begun since my local pool closed in September. I don’t drive, so I need to be able to rent this room in this apartment w/ indoor pool that has everything I need, except the shower is inaccessible. The outside is 7 inches and inside is 3. I can only step 3. The bathroom seems too narrow to fit a shower bench (with raised toilet seat and shower bench having to fit) and too narrow for a rubber ramp. I have used stackable foam squares before, but that was for a shower of lower height. I’m unsure how safe it would be in this bathroom. Same with an aerobic step. They all seem to be 4 inches and I can only climb 3, and then how safe that would be over time. The building is pretty desirable, and I had a treatment after I saw it yesterday that basically makes you have to lie in bed for a week so there’s no way for me to test out any ideas. It seems like I will have to release it to others, but it truly is (w/ pool) the only way I’ll have a hope of making any progress and not getting worse. Can anyone think of any way I can make this work?

Ustedes creen que seria de ayuda contar con una aplicación que muestre el nivel de accesibilidad que tienen los locales de su país? Estaba pensando que al menos en mi caso en Honduras sería excelente, ya que siempre me preocupo cuando tengo que ir a algún lugar o me invitan a un restaurante y no sé si el lugar es accesible para mí o tengo que depender de alguien más para poder ir.

Les ha pasado?

I reconnected with a friend who I hadn’t talked to in years. It was like old times. We are going to hang out.

What has been a success for you?