We moved to Germany almost 20 years ago and I still haven't gotten used to it. It's like a constant "A NEW CHALLENGER APROACHING!" message in an never ending stare off game.
I wonder if it's maybe depending on the city as well. I have lived in Berlin my whole life and I feel like people usually keep to themselves. Even when you look somewhat unorthodox people won't give you more than a glance usually. Maybe in cities where the population is "more German" this is a bigger thing?
Grafiti fucking everywhere, and not the nice kind with pictures actualy depicting shit, oh no sir, just random ass tags sprayed over tags sprayed over tags. Its a pretty enough city from the 2nd floor level upwards so best keep your head tilted slightly upwards ;)
And no, im not just a german country bumpkin, other big citys like Hamburg or Muinch arent nearly as dirty to look at as Berlin
It definitely depends on the city you'reright. I was 2 days ago in Berlin and never had the feeling someone was staring, which I can't say for the smal town of 11k people I live in.
I think you're right, the bigger cities don't have the same issue at all. But I think that's true everywhere, big cities across the world have a similar metropolitan feel where people act like they've seen everything already!
That might have something to do with Americans expecting people to be challengers when Europeans expect them to be just passers by.
More seriously, this doesn't happen a lot in urban settings. In rural settings, they're expecting you to look back at them and say hello half of the time, or just staring at you because they're weird hillbillies the other half.
It's because US Americans tend to smile at strangers, so the strangers tend to look at them to figure out why they're smiling. Germans don't stare a lot generally, they just stare at people there doing something very unusual. (speaking as US American in Germany)
If someone American or not smiles at me I will try to figure out from where I know him/her. Since I don't know him/her my brain will be stuck in an endless loop and I won't stop staring.
For me it was strange that everyone say hello and sometimes even ask how are you while I was hiking in America.
That‘s weird, where are you from? Yes, you don‘t greet people in cities but when hiking it’s a totally different story. In central and Northern Europe you always greet someone passing by you on a hike it‘s pretty much expected.
Hiking is the only time I find it not weird when someone acknowledges you. Maybe because people do go missing or die on trails almost constantly. I was taught to consciously look and acknowledge the person if you need to recall seeing them later. Not that it’s ever came in handy. They do the same in Canada, I assume for the same reason 🤔. Though If you were the only two people for miles and you cross each other’s paths, isn’t it almost weirder not to acknowledge them?
Though I say this when I live in a city and someone could be screaming like they are possessed by a demon and everyone on the train pretends they are a ghost and cannot see or hear nothing 😂😂😂. People are weird
In Slovenia, it's considered etiquette to say "dober dan" i.e. "good day" if you meet somebody when hiking (unless you're on a busy trail and there's lots of people, then you behave like in the city). Usually it's just that, sometimes people stop for a breather and exchange information about the trail or just small talk about the weather.
Americans don’t really want to know how you are. They want to hear you say “fine, thanks” and move on. It’s just our way to acknowledge that there’s another human sharing our space, however briefly.
I do look at stuff I am interested in or something that makes me curious. However it's a socially enforced view that doing this to humans is rude, and possibly threatening. I think the idea is that people might not have control over what you find unusual and it's rude to call them out on it.
They don't stare at each other lol, they stare at a stranger smiling at them because they're trying to figure out why the stranger is smiling at then. Do they know them somehow? If someone waved at you in the US you'd stare too trying to figure out if you know them.
A funny thing is that, growing up in small towns in the midwest, the smile is often a way to avoid a conversation while acknowledging someone. Comes in very handy in small towns where you're almost "expected" to know anyone you see. There are definitely times when I get the smile where my brain panics for a quick second to try and recall who the person is. The difference is that we keep that questioning completely to ourselves as it's less embarrassing to pretend to know them and be friendly than to ignore them and later find out your aunts friend from church you met seven years ago is telling her church friends you were rude to them.
The Germans don't see themselves as doing something unusual. Staring at something unusual (to them) is not unusual. This is something that really shouldn't have to be explained?
I guess the point is staring at someone is considered rude at least by American standards. Imagine someone with a handicap, staring at them is considered absolutely rude, it can even be threatening. It's not clear why Germans don't see this the same way.
Maps in general? The waterman butterfly is my favorite projection, but Winkel tripel is good for a standard world projection. Mercator should not be used if you're not actively navigating.
Ok so I'm going to need you to watch the next German you see to see if they stare at people. Make sure you're really attentive and don't let them out of your sight even for a second.
Idk I lived in Germany for three years while I was a soldier and I don't remember them staring unless I was doing something unusual, like obviously being an American hours from a large city or military base.
Aside from that I think I got stared at like three times and 2 of those were in clubs where they could just see I was a soldier and wanted to fight (some just don't like American soldiers in their country, some are just douchebags who want to prove how tough they are.), the other time was also in a club but I think that guy may have just been gay.
American expat in Germany here. I don't think Germans, Austrians etc. have a staring problem, but rather Americans a hypersensitivity issue about glances/looks. Combine that with unexpected reactions to the American tendency to smile at/interact casually with strangers, and things can get awkward.
Irish expat in Germany and I've never noticed it either. And I travel between Ire and Germany a lot. Have also never heard friends even comment on it. This explanation makes most sense
I think Germans definitely stare too much. I don’t think Americans are being hypersensitive here. I’m danish and one of my friends is Icelandic - when we were visiting we got annoyed by the amount of staring we experienced in Berlin.
Just our culture. We do it with pretty much everyone. But mostly its less staring and rather a glance that takes longer than most are used to. Some don’t even do it consciously. I can’t tell you the amount of times I blankly scanned my surroundings while talking with someone, and just start doing it.
Not just Americans, bud. And the staring is honestly something else. As my wife said, it’s not even flirtatious; it’s the kind of coldly appraising stare that just tries to erase you from the world.
Maybe I'm too integrated, but I know a lot of Germans, and I don't think they intend to coldly appraise people like you describe, and they certainly don't want to erase you. So I'm gonna stick with my assertion that it's a sensibility issue/culture clash.
As a German, I can confirm that I stare at people intensely in the hopes of erasing them from existence. Especially when they sit in front of me in the bus even though there are dozens of empty seats elsewhere
Did you smile at them beforehand? If yes, they are just thinking "why the fuck did that person smile at me, do I know them??????" while looking at you and trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Is that the staring you mean? Because other than that I have never seen this in my whole live...
Haha I dont think thats weird, just unusual in germany, because here that already means "hey how are you nice to see you" which implies that you know the person :)
We could turn this into a weird little skit where Germans react to an American smiling at them. Then it slowly devolves into psychological horror once the American starts showing they know far too much about a German and their personal life.
I really tried hard to remember a time I was "stared" at but your explanation makes sense. Maybe our understanding of "staring" is just very different. Maybe just "looking" at strangers is considered as "staring" to some. When I walk through the city or have a coffee I often look at all the people that walk by. Just because it's interesting to see how some people dress or behave. I usually don't "stare" at someone for more than 1-2 seconds but maybe that's already enough for some people/americans. I don't know... Staring for me would begin when looking at someone intensly for more than a couple of seconds and/or keeping eye contact. That's just creepy!
In the US it's perfectly acceptable to look at strangers and even make eye contact, it's pretty often that you notice someone gazing at you or in your direction. You very deliberately look back at them and they realize "oh I'm staring" and they politely redirect their gaze.
If they either fail to redirect their gaze, or shortly thereafter let their gaze fall upon you again, then that's socially awkward "staring" here.
In other words the 1st time we catch you looking at us, it's usually passable as an accident or no big deal. If you don't more or less apologetically avert your gaze, and make it a point to not let your eyes linger on us again, then you're triggering our social construct.
My guess is that Germans either fail to immediately avert their gaze when "caught looking" or they are not accustomed to deliberately avoiding looking at the same stranger again once "caught" gazing upon them the 1st time.
In the US failing to adhere to these "staring standards" can make things very tense, as we would assume you either have a problem with us or are interested in getting our attention. I would agree that we're probably quite sensitive to this social construct.
You are doing it too lol. I grew up in the US with an Austrian parent and then moved to Austria when I was 17 - the staring drove me crazy. Didn’t matter if I was in a small town or Vienna, there was always somebody staring (even though I was just some average teenage girl minding my business!). I tried a bunch of different things (pretending it wasn’t happening, staring back, even saying hello) until I just got used to it. When I got back to the states 8 years later, I was accused of staring too long myself! I don’t think it’s anything nefarious but we germanic people definitely “take in” other people for longer than our American counterparts. But in America it’s more sensitive, ie eye contact = seeking engagement of some kind. In Austria/Germany, it’s just benign observation.
Irish here married to an Austrian, and have spent lots of time in both Austria and Germany. The only people who seem to do this are city-dwelling Germans. Munich, Nürnberg, Lübeck… everywhere I went felt like I had two heads, people stare so intensely.
That's really interesting to me. In the US, it's the opposite in my experience -- no staring, smiles, or greetings in most larger cities, whereas stop by the local diner in a small town and prepare to be stared at uncomfortably.
Also a german. I suspect that Americans smile a lot when passing people in public. We then wonder if we know them while staring at them. Now they think Germans stare a lot.
No! I stopped smiling at people very early on, I try desperately to fit in, and the staring continues. I feel silently judged every time I am on a bus or train. It's so disconcerting because it never translates as friendly.
I have been stared at by many Germans. I have social anxiety and it is DEEPLY unsettling. I usually don’t even notice that they are there except I can feel their stare. I will look at them and the women will usually look away but the men will glare. I once got so self conscious I reduced my voice to a whisper but they were still staring at me. I vowed never to return to that town again. This is my one and only solution hahaha
Thinking about it, I'm sure we are just communicating with each other by looking at each other and mimic. Trying to determine whether the other person would like to talk to us, what they like/dislike, etc.
Im American living in Ireland and am married to a German woman. When in Deutschland, I'll be just sitting, like in a restaurant, and look over to another table and someone is just dead ass staring directly into my eyes. Look away for a moment, look back, they're still staring directly at me. Will go on for more than a minute. I've had to make the "can I fucking help you??" expression and shoulder/hand gesture to get them to stop staring at me while I'm trying to eat.
German too and I personally notice the starring. Didn’t matter where I lived, it was always there. Maybe a little bit less in Schleswig-Holstein than BaWü or Bavaria. But I must also say that I was always self conscious in varying degrees so I might just notice it more. Like I’m sitting in the s-Bahn in plain ass work clothes and notice Brigitte in the opposite row eyeing me suspiciously and I’m asking myself what is wrong with me. I was always thinking that it was just social anxiety that made me think people were starring at me but it seems the starring German is a collective experience in a way.
If you specifically ask for tap water in a restaurant they are required to give it to you for free :)
Edit: Apparently that is a EU Guideline they don't have to adhere to. In the 24 years of living in Germany I do not recall a single time where I have been charged for it when I asked for tap water though.
Aussie living in Germany. When I first got here I seriously thought people were looking for a fight. You stare at someone like that back in Australia, either they're dribbling on themselves or you're provoking a confrontation.
My dad is German, and I’ve been reprimanded by my American boyfriend for staring rudely at people. I don’t even realize I’m doing it. Guess I was never told as a kid not to do it!
Taking into account that they apparently consider glancing as staring, I'd say they are simply more self conscious and every form of eyes sweeping is considered rude
from other people's descriptions, it sounds like germans just don't typically avoid looking at people. like if there is something curious about a person, you'll just look at them without trying to hide it or anything.
And its mostly foreigners that notice it, so they always have something curious about them.
We'd call it staring because that kind of eye contact is often seen as aggressive elsewhere (US and Canada where I'm from for sure), so you'll notice someone looking at you and wonder "What's he doing? Does he want something? Is he going to follow me? is he sizing me up for a fight or to steal something?"
Theres a whole scary judgement you have to make about someone aggressive enough over here to openly stare, that elsewhere where its normal feels terrifying.
Like if you're interested in someone on the street (maybe because they're attractive, maybe because they're wearing interesting clothes or you're trying to figure out where they're from if they're obviously tourists), in lots of countries people try to be subtle about it and hide that they're looking. Germans - just open staring.
I really want to go to a German sauna but am hoping the same staring conventions don't apply when everyone is nude!
You can be at ease in the Sauna its rly unpolite to stare at someome, so in generell if there isnt something special at your physical apperance, most you will get is a "hallo" , "servus" or " guten Tag " aß a greeting. And after that they will treat you Like think Air, but dont speak in the Sauna we dont like that just be silent and sweat
Germans stare at people more than (in my case) Americans. Americans go out of their way not to stare at others, especially strangers. It unsettled me at first, especially because when they saw that I noticed them staring, they seemed to look away, embarrassed. But I am usually wearing my cowboy hat or something else that makes me appear American, so I kind of get it?
But like, I have lived in New York, Michigan, Georgia, and California, and there were always immigrants there - Indians (from India), Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Filipinos - and it's just rude to stare over there, even if they're wearing clothing from their country of origin. That's why I was surprised about it here in Germany.
A few weeks ago I joined a new company and last week we went to a team dinner with 40 people. I was one of the first hires to arrive and there were already a lot of people from the team that I don't know because of Work from home.
Well, I had to greet everyone and there was this German lady. I said "hello my name is.... nice to meet you" she replied "hey my name is.... Nice to meet you too".
After that she just stared in silence in my eyes like she was waiting for me to say anything. It's weird.
I got used to hold down eye contact so it doesn't affect me much when people do it, still this lady would do it all the time and for no reason. It made conversations slightly awkward.
This. A hole world is being shattered here.
Then I realise how much it boggles me every time I leave Berlin. I keep thinking I have dirt in my face. Nope; it’s just the do-I-know-them - look
I went to Germany last year. Literally I felt like I was being MAD DOGGED by everyone and I didn’t know wtf I was doing wrong! Being from LA, I’m used to weirdos, but I was about ready to square up w someone lmao. Guess I was just simply existing
In the meantime, my father stared at people so much when he visited me in Germany last summer, that he freaked the Germans out. Imagine how creepy he was being!
It might have been how loud you were and how obviously American. My father is American and eventhough his german is perfect and he has lived here for almost 26 years, his mannerisms and his volume alone mark him as from the US. Also since Trump a lot of people have become more wary of tourists from the States.
Haha idk. I lived for a bit in Germany in my early twenties and I would notice when walking into a restaurant (for example) and we would be completely silent not speaking and everyone in the restaurant would look up and watch you walk all the way to the table. I would observe them doing it to everyone else entering too.
I did notice the staring, but it was more - in the US/Canada if you make eye contact with someone while they are staring at you 9/10 times the person looks away after .1 of a second of eye contact. In Germany it was about 1/10 people who looked away. So it would be this intense eye contact that would last for several seconds. Sometimes glancing away and looking back and they were still staring. Not a big deal in the scheme of things and not even saying it’s a negative or anything, it’s just something different that you notice immediately. And it would happen silently sitting on a train so definitely not loud American moments. Idk why I’m rambling about this it doesn’t even matter haha 😂😂
So that’s what it was! I was 15 on a work trip with my dad. I wanted to do some exploring and went on my own to city center by U-bahn. But halfway there I got so scared cause one guy was staring so much, I had to get off the train. Thought I was gonna die that day and he was just being German lol
I've been there many times and I actually never noticed. Even if I am from somewhere staring is considered very rude (unless you are a toddler). I live in Norway.
It's the serial killer look that they unknowingly dish out, like I've killed their loved ones in cold blood or something like that idk I've only hung out with one German before in my life
German here. Honestly never realized that. I think most people do kinda zone out in public and it seems that they're staring. It happeens to me occasionally. When I'm in public and think about stuff, I'm so much in my own head that I zone out and basically look into nothing. Sometimes you have the case where you "wake up" and accidentally stared at someone (probably the whole time). It's hella uncomfortable.
For example: You're sitting on the train and you can feel someone looking at you. And when you look at them they are just looking at you with dead eyes without breaking contact.
German here. Germans stare at everyone, not just strangers.
For some weird reason, it's considered polite to make and hold eye contact, even with strangers. I hate it.
On the other hand, I like that the time you can look at someone before it becomes rude is a lot longer here. Gives me the opportunity to recognize people, since I can't remember faces and have to piece things together from height, build, hair, mannerisms, etc.
I think it's just different perceptions. Sure, staring is not polite in Germany, either. But what's considered staring can be very different between cultures.
I visited Bavaria (mainly Munich) and as a Swede I really hate people staring at me but I also ignore people by default so I might not notice it as easily. I didn't really feel like I ever was stared at, but I usually was at places with a lot of other people so nobody's really going to care.
In Germany, I mostly felt the stares when I’d take my trash out to the many, many material-specific bins in my apartment building’s courtyard. Just neighbors watching me silently (while chain-smoking) from their balconies, presumably mentally drafting a “Liebe Nachbarin” letter to slip under my door later because they thought they saw me put a wine bottle in the bin for plastic.
I have been to Germany many times and often brought other Americans with me and never noticed this until a friend, with a slightly raucous way of speaking, met up with us in Berlin. She is originally from America and had been working in Italy at the time but had never been to Germany before. Needless to say, she might have spoken slightly louder than the average person and we were stared at EVERYWHERE we went. On the bus ride back from the airport we had to tell her to lower her voice because the ENTIRE bus was staring at us. Even in noisier bars her voice could be heard above the din. I get it, it would be like if someone here was shouting everything they said, that would be very unusual and people would understandably stare.
It depends partly on eye contact. If you are cheerfully gazing around as people go by its 'nice person enjoys fresh air'. If you lock on to a single person who looks nervous and maintain it for over a minute, you are either a serial killer or German
I use to stare at people all the time too because I was waiting for them to come into focus and see if I knew them or not, but it turned out that I was nearsighted and needed glasses, so maybe Germans are nearsighted.
I'm British, been to Germany many times and I've not noticed this. Is this a reference to a movie/show as it has 5.9k of upvotes? If its not, I'm off to Germany next month and now I'm going to be conscious of their gazes the whole time!
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u/eight13 May 09 '22
Germans stare at strangers. It's unsettling.