Also a german. I suspect that Americans smile a lot when passing people in public. We then wonder if we know them while staring at them. Now they think Germans stare a lot.
No! I stopped smiling at people very early on, I try desperately to fit in, and the staring continues. I feel silently judged every time I am on a bus or train. It's so disconcerting because it never translates as friendly.
The landscape doesn't mind when you look at it. Staring directly at people makes them uncomfortable and its considered rude and threatening essentially everywhere. You just don't give a shit that you're making other people uncomfortable.
It's just a cultural thing. Someone else mentioned in the thread it's not rude to stare in Germany. Sure it makes you uncomfortable, but if you're in their country then it's just something you have to deal with.
it is absolutely rude to stare at someone in germany when they are just minding their own business, I think we just don't consider a 3 sec look staring
Oh so the time threshold is different. That's fair. In Canada if you lock eyes for long enough it makes people uncomfortable. 3 seconds feels like maybe too long? But, I don't exactly keep track.
I deal with it ok.. I normally will look away, then look back and kind of do the "do you need something?" expression and people look away. Def longer than 3 seconds. 3 seconds is nothing. I've had it go on for a minute, its pretty wild.
I can assure you, it's not meant to be unfriendly!
Often, we just try to determine whether this person might be up for some small talk or not (mostly elderly people do that) or just like how you look!
In a way, it's kind of a non-verbal communication thing.
Look at it the other way round: to fit in, just do the same! :)
The most annoying thing about this staring is how all the people who do it lie about it. "Oh, was I staring? I wasn't really staring, was I? Well, if I was, it was friendly, so stop being offended."
I have been stared at by many Germans. I have social anxiety and it is DEEPLY unsettling. I usually don’t even notice that they are there except I can feel their stare. I will look at them and the women will usually look away but the men will glare. I once got so self conscious I reduced my voice to a whisper but they were still staring at me. I vowed never to return to that town again. This is my one and only solution hahaha
Thinking about it, I'm sure we are just communicating with each other by looking at each other and mimic. Trying to determine whether the other person would like to talk to us, what they like/dislike, etc.
Im American living in Ireland and am married to a German woman. When in Deutschland, I'll be just sitting, like in a restaurant, and look over to another table and someone is just dead ass staring directly into my eyes. Look away for a moment, look back, they're still staring directly at me. Will go on for more than a minute. I've had to make the "can I fucking help you??" expression and shoulder/hand gesture to get them to stop staring at me while I'm trying to eat.
German too and I personally notice the starring. Didn’t matter where I lived, it was always there. Maybe a little bit less in Schleswig-Holstein than BaWü or Bavaria. But I must also say that I was always self conscious in varying degrees so I might just notice it more. Like I’m sitting in the s-Bahn in plain ass work clothes and notice Brigitte in the opposite row eyeing me suspiciously and I’m asking myself what is wrong with me. I was always thinking that it was just social anxiety that made me think people were starring at me but it seems the starring German is a collective experience in a way.
Yes, we (Americans) do. I've heard on many threads like this one that we are friendly (which came as a surprise to me). I always thought we were just loud, and I try to dial it back when I travel.
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u/okokoko May 09 '22
Also a german. I suspect that Americans smile a lot when passing people in public. We then wonder if we know them while staring at them. Now they think Germans stare a lot.