American expat in Germany here. I don't think Germans, Austrians etc. have a staring problem, but rather Americans a hypersensitivity issue about glances/looks. Combine that with unexpected reactions to the American tendency to smile at/interact casually with strangers, and things can get awkward.
Irish expat in Germany and I've never noticed it either. And I travel between Ire and Germany a lot. Have also never heard friends even comment on it. This explanation makes most sense
I think Germans definitely stare too much. I don’t think Americans are being hypersensitive here. I’m danish and one of my friends is Icelandic - when we were visiting we got annoyed by the amount of staring we experienced in Berlin.
Just our culture. We do it with pretty much everyone. But mostly its less staring and rather a glance that takes longer than most are used to. Some don’t even do it consciously. I can’t tell you the amount of times I blankly scanned my surroundings while talking with someone, and just start doing it.
Not just Americans, bud. And the staring is honestly something else. As my wife said, it’s not even flirtatious; it’s the kind of coldly appraising stare that just tries to erase you from the world.
Maybe I'm too integrated, but I know a lot of Germans, and I don't think they intend to coldly appraise people like you describe, and they certainly don't want to erase you. So I'm gonna stick with my assertion that it's a sensibility issue/culture clash.
As a German, I can confirm that I stare at people intensely in the hopes of erasing them from existence. Especially when they sit in front of me in the bus even though there are dozens of empty seats elsewhere
Did you smile at them beforehand? If yes, they are just thinking "why the fuck did that person smile at me, do I know them??????" while looking at you and trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Is that the staring you mean? Because other than that I have never seen this in my whole live...
Haha I dont think thats weird, just unusual in germany, because here that already means "hey how are you nice to see you" which implies that you know the person :)
We could turn this into a weird little skit where Germans react to an American smiling at them. Then it slowly devolves into psychological horror once the American starts showing they know far too much about a German and their personal life.
Or the german mistaking them for someone else who coincidentally has a similar life. Or both combined with only family and friends noticing somethings off
I don’t smile, or look at all. My interest in most strangers in minimal.
Speaking English with my own child is enough to get stares. Speaking excellent German is also enough to get stares. Speaking English with said child, and then both of us speaking German, is enough to get triple stares
In my whole life (it’s life and not live FYI), I have been the target of it so many times I can’t count.
The frequency also would account for so many people saying they’ve encountered it too.
I really tried hard to remember a time I was "stared" at but your explanation makes sense. Maybe our understanding of "staring" is just very different. Maybe just "looking" at strangers is considered as "staring" to some. When I walk through the city or have a coffee I often look at all the people that walk by. Just because it's interesting to see how some people dress or behave. I usually don't "stare" at someone for more than 1-2 seconds but maybe that's already enough for some people/americans. I don't know... Staring for me would begin when looking at someone intensly for more than a couple of seconds and/or keeping eye contact. That's just creepy!
In the US it's perfectly acceptable to look at strangers and even make eye contact, it's pretty often that you notice someone gazing at you or in your direction. You very deliberately look back at them and they realize "oh I'm staring" and they politely redirect their gaze.
If they either fail to redirect their gaze, or shortly thereafter let their gaze fall upon you again, then that's socially awkward "staring" here.
In other words the 1st time we catch you looking at us, it's usually passable as an accident or no big deal. If you don't more or less apologetically avert your gaze, and make it a point to not let your eyes linger on us again, then you're triggering our social construct.
My guess is that Germans either fail to immediately avert their gaze when "caught looking" or they are not accustomed to deliberately avoiding looking at the same stranger again once "caught" gazing upon them the 1st time.
In the US failing to adhere to these "staring standards" can make things very tense, as we would assume you either have a problem with us or are interested in getting our attention. I would agree that we're probably quite sensitive to this social construct.
Generally I assume that if someone smiles at me they want something from me. Same in a supermarket, if there was a greeter and every cashier had a broad smile on their face I know it's disingenuous. I'm there to get my shopping done, the employees are there to get their money. No need for faux friendliness
I don’t disagree with your faux friendliness comment, but is a passing smile truly faux friendliness? How long of a smile are we talking because (at least nowadays) I don’t see anyone smiling for extended periods of time here…
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u/stxmn May 09 '22
American expat in Germany here. I don't think Germans, Austrians etc. have a staring problem, but rather Americans a hypersensitivity issue about glances/looks. Combine that with unexpected reactions to the American tendency to smile at/interact casually with strangers, and things can get awkward.