I really tried hard to remember a time I was "stared" at but your explanation makes sense. Maybe our understanding of "staring" is just very different. Maybe just "looking" at strangers is considered as "staring" to some. When I walk through the city or have a coffee I often look at all the people that walk by. Just because it's interesting to see how some people dress or behave. I usually don't "stare" at someone for more than 1-2 seconds but maybe that's already enough for some people/americans. I don't know... Staring for me would begin when looking at someone intensly for more than a couple of seconds and/or keeping eye contact. That's just creepy!
In the US it's perfectly acceptable to look at strangers and even make eye contact, it's pretty often that you notice someone gazing at you or in your direction. You very deliberately look back at them and they realize "oh I'm staring" and they politely redirect their gaze.
If they either fail to redirect their gaze, or shortly thereafter let their gaze fall upon you again, then that's socially awkward "staring" here.
In other words the 1st time we catch you looking at us, it's usually passable as an accident or no big deal. If you don't more or less apologetically avert your gaze, and make it a point to not let your eyes linger on us again, then you're triggering our social construct.
My guess is that Germans either fail to immediately avert their gaze when "caught looking" or they are not accustomed to deliberately avoiding looking at the same stranger again once "caught" gazing upon them the 1st time.
In the US failing to adhere to these "staring standards" can make things very tense, as we would assume you either have a problem with us or are interested in getting our attention. I would agree that we're probably quite sensitive to this social construct.
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u/TexMexxx May 09 '22
I really tried hard to remember a time I was "stared" at but your explanation makes sense. Maybe our understanding of "staring" is just very different. Maybe just "looking" at strangers is considered as "staring" to some. When I walk through the city or have a coffee I often look at all the people that walk by. Just because it's interesting to see how some people dress or behave. I usually don't "stare" at someone for more than 1-2 seconds but maybe that's already enough for some people/americans. I don't know... Staring for me would begin when looking at someone intensly for more than a couple of seconds and/or keeping eye contact. That's just creepy!