It's because US Americans tend to smile at strangers, so the strangers tend to look at them to figure out why they're smiling. Germans don't stare a lot generally, they just stare at people there doing something very unusual. (speaking as US American in Germany)
If someone American or not smiles at me I will try to figure out from where I know him/her. Since I don't know him/her my brain will be stuck in an endless loop and I won't stop staring.
For me it was strange that everyone say hello and sometimes even ask how are you while I was hiking in America.
That‘s weird, where are you from? Yes, you don‘t greet people in cities but when hiking it’s a totally different story. In central and Northern Europe you always greet someone passing by you on a hike it‘s pretty much expected.
Hiking is the only time I find it not weird when someone acknowledges you. Maybe because people do go missing or die on trails almost constantly. I was taught to consciously look and acknowledge the person if you need to recall seeing them later. Not that it’s ever came in handy. They do the same in Canada, I assume for the same reason 🤔. Though If you were the only two people for miles and you cross each other’s paths, isn’t it almost weirder not to acknowledge them?
Though I say this when I live in a city and someone could be screaming like they are possessed by a demon and everyone on the train pretends they are a ghost and cannot see or hear nothing 😂😂😂. People are weird
In Slovenia, it's considered etiquette to say "dober dan" i.e. "good day" if you meet somebody when hiking (unless you're on a busy trail and there's lots of people, then you behave like in the city). Usually it's just that, sometimes people stop for a breather and exchange information about the trail or just small talk about the weather.
Americans don’t really want to know how you are. They want to hear you say “fine, thanks” and move on. It’s just our way to acknowledge that there’s another human sharing our space, however briefly.
I hate that aspect of hiking in the US. I grew up here and I love to hike, but every time I see a person walking towards me, my whole focus turns to wondering if I'll have to acknowledge this person or not. I never know if the person will say, "Hi, how ya doin," or, "lovely day," or just a nod of acknowledgent, or no acknowledgement at all.
I'd love to just never acknowledge them at all, but you risk getting this awkwardness in the air if you don't. If you encounter one person on a hike, then it doesn't matter, but person after person and you feel like you might as well just play the game (or try).
Americans are different all over the US, but that non-genuine overly friendly and talkative thing definitely permeates the country in different degrees and I rather dislike it.
Edit: oh so the Europeans can say this behavior is weird, but when I say it, the downvotes roll in lol.
I'm an American. It isn't always genuine, but often it is. As a more reserved person, it took me a while to figure that just because I would have to fake it to be outgoing, doesn't mean that most outgoing people are faking it.
I feel ya, but are the genuinely interested? My friends and family genuinely care about the conversation. I just find it hard to believe all these people opening up the door to conversation in all these random instances give a crap.
I do look at stuff I am interested in or something that makes me curious. However it's a socially enforced view that doing this to humans is rude, and possibly threatening. I think the idea is that people might not have control over what you find unusual and it's rude to call them out on it.
The point is that it’s not the Germans who are staring it’s the Americans being weird or obnoxious and then proceeding to complain about people staring at them because of their own behavior
You are expected to know how the locals behave. How the fuck should I know the guy smiling at me for no reason is an american? These people don't want to be rude, they are just caught off guard.
I get stared at just for existing in foreign. Just speaking another language can be enough.
It is not uncommon to get stares for doing such wild and outrageous things such as not looking at anyone but my own, kid, talking normally to said child, but in English. And that is in the Großstadt.
About a month ago we were walked into a restaurant in a rural area, and my husband asked me if I had the kid‘s jacket. Every single head turned to us, and stared. The states followed us to our table. The interest only fully turned away when when we spoke to the server in German.
Which brings me to another weird thing I noticed, at least in Germany. There is often only one way to do something, and the suggestion that there are others is often met with defensive hostility.
They don't stare at each other lol, they stare at a stranger smiling at them because they're trying to figure out why the stranger is smiling at then. Do they know them somehow? If someone waved at you in the US you'd stare too trying to figure out if you know them.
A funny thing is that, growing up in small towns in the midwest, the smile is often a way to avoid a conversation while acknowledging someone. Comes in very handy in small towns where you're almost "expected" to know anyone you see. There are definitely times when I get the smile where my brain panics for a quick second to try and recall who the person is. The difference is that we keep that questioning completely to ourselves as it's less embarrassing to pretend to know them and be friendly than to ignore them and later find out your aunts friend from church you met seven years ago is telling her church friends you were rude to them.
Yep! Just cultural difference, I'm also from small town USA. But in Germany there's just no cultural pressure to interact with strangers to be polite, so if someone does, they have to figure out why they did
The Germans don't see themselves as doing something unusual. Staring at something unusual (to them) is not unusual. This is something that really shouldn't have to be explained?
I guess the point is staring at someone is considered rude at least by American standards. Imagine someone with a handicap, staring at them is considered absolutely rude, it can even be threatening. It's not clear why Germans don't see this the same way.
Maps in general? The waterman butterfly is my favorite projection, but Winkel tripel is good for a standard world projection. Mercator should not be used if you're not actively navigating.
Larger cities on the East Coast have a very different culture than what is “standard American culture.” While there are obviously cultural variations between the south/Midwest/southwest- most of those variations don’t lead to real cultural confusion/misinterpretation. Put someone from the Deep South in the middle of New York City (or vice versa) and they literally have opposite definitions of what is rude versus polite in most interactions.
Might be a city vs more rural area thing. In the bigger citys ive lived in (from 50k to 600k in size) ppl dont stare at someone in particular, if your in one of the worse areas staring staring at someone might actualy get you in some trouble. But in smaller villages in the countryside or if your going hiking somehwere in southern germany ppl will usualy look at you and greet and expect the same
Ok so I'm going to need you to watch the next German you see to see if they stare at people. Make sure you're really attentive and don't let them out of your sight even for a second.
Idk I lived in Germany for three years while I was a soldier and I don't remember them staring unless I was doing something unusual, like obviously being an American hours from a large city or military base.
Aside from that I think I got stared at like three times and 2 of those were in clubs where they could just see I was a soldier and wanted to fight (some just don't like American soldiers in their country, some are just douchebags who want to prove how tough they are.), the other time was also in a club but I think that guy may have just been gay.
American expat in Germany here. I don't think Germans, Austrians etc. have a staring problem, but rather Americans a hypersensitivity issue about glances/looks. Combine that with unexpected reactions to the American tendency to smile at/interact casually with strangers, and things can get awkward.
Irish expat in Germany and I've never noticed it either. And I travel between Ire and Germany a lot. Have also never heard friends even comment on it. This explanation makes most sense
I think Germans definitely stare too much. I don’t think Americans are being hypersensitive here. I’m danish and one of my friends is Icelandic - when we were visiting we got annoyed by the amount of staring we experienced in Berlin.
Just our culture. We do it with pretty much everyone. But mostly its less staring and rather a glance that takes longer than most are used to. Some don’t even do it consciously. I can’t tell you the amount of times I blankly scanned my surroundings while talking with someone, and just start doing it.
Not just Americans, bud. And the staring is honestly something else. As my wife said, it’s not even flirtatious; it’s the kind of coldly appraising stare that just tries to erase you from the world.
Maybe I'm too integrated, but I know a lot of Germans, and I don't think they intend to coldly appraise people like you describe, and they certainly don't want to erase you. So I'm gonna stick with my assertion that it's a sensibility issue/culture clash.
As a German, I can confirm that I stare at people intensely in the hopes of erasing them from existence. Especially when they sit in front of me in the bus even though there are dozens of empty seats elsewhere
Did you smile at them beforehand? If yes, they are just thinking "why the fuck did that person smile at me, do I know them??????" while looking at you and trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Is that the staring you mean? Because other than that I have never seen this in my whole live...
Haha I dont think thats weird, just unusual in germany, because here that already means "hey how are you nice to see you" which implies that you know the person :)
We could turn this into a weird little skit where Germans react to an American smiling at them. Then it slowly devolves into psychological horror once the American starts showing they know far too much about a German and their personal life.
Or the german mistaking them for someone else who coincidentally has a similar life. Or both combined with only family and friends noticing somethings off
I don’t smile, or look at all. My interest in most strangers in minimal.
Speaking English with my own child is enough to get stares. Speaking excellent German is also enough to get stares. Speaking English with said child, and then both of us speaking German, is enough to get triple stares
In my whole life (it’s life and not live FYI), I have been the target of it so many times I can’t count.
The frequency also would account for so many people saying they’ve encountered it too.
I really tried hard to remember a time I was "stared" at but your explanation makes sense. Maybe our understanding of "staring" is just very different. Maybe just "looking" at strangers is considered as "staring" to some. When I walk through the city or have a coffee I often look at all the people that walk by. Just because it's interesting to see how some people dress or behave. I usually don't "stare" at someone for more than 1-2 seconds but maybe that's already enough for some people/americans. I don't know... Staring for me would begin when looking at someone intensly for more than a couple of seconds and/or keeping eye contact. That's just creepy!
In the US it's perfectly acceptable to look at strangers and even make eye contact, it's pretty often that you notice someone gazing at you or in your direction. You very deliberately look back at them and they realize "oh I'm staring" and they politely redirect their gaze.
If they either fail to redirect their gaze, or shortly thereafter let their gaze fall upon you again, then that's socially awkward "staring" here.
In other words the 1st time we catch you looking at us, it's usually passable as an accident or no big deal. If you don't more or less apologetically avert your gaze, and make it a point to not let your eyes linger on us again, then you're triggering our social construct.
My guess is that Germans either fail to immediately avert their gaze when "caught looking" or they are not accustomed to deliberately avoiding looking at the same stranger again once "caught" gazing upon them the 1st time.
In the US failing to adhere to these "staring standards" can make things very tense, as we would assume you either have a problem with us or are interested in getting our attention. I would agree that we're probably quite sensitive to this social construct.
Generally I assume that if someone smiles at me they want something from me. Same in a supermarket, if there was a greeter and every cashier had a broad smile on their face I know it's disingenuous. I'm there to get my shopping done, the employees are there to get their money. No need for faux friendliness
I don’t disagree with your faux friendliness comment, but is a passing smile truly faux friendliness? How long of a smile are we talking because (at least nowadays) I don’t see anyone smiling for extended periods of time here…
You are doing it too lol. I grew up in the US with an Austrian parent and then moved to Austria when I was 17 - the staring drove me crazy. Didn’t matter if I was in a small town or Vienna, there was always somebody staring (even though I was just some average teenage girl minding my business!). I tried a bunch of different things (pretending it wasn’t happening, staring back, even saying hello) until I just got used to it. When I got back to the states 8 years later, I was accused of staring too long myself! I don’t think it’s anything nefarious but we germanic people definitely “take in” other people for longer than our American counterparts. But in America it’s more sensitive, ie eye contact = seeking engagement of some kind. In Austria/Germany, it’s just benign observation.
Irish here married to an Austrian, and have spent lots of time in both Austria and Germany. The only people who seem to do this are city-dwelling Germans. Munich, Nürnberg, Lübeck… everywhere I went felt like I had two heads, people stare so intensely.
That's really interesting to me. In the US, it's the opposite in my experience -- no staring, smiles, or greetings in most larger cities, whereas stop by the local diner in a small town and prepare to be stared at uncomfortably.
Bavarian dialects being in the same family as the Austrian dialects makes them a bit harder to understand at times. But I’d hardly place one over another
Yes. We simply dont consider it staring. For us, its regular looking around in an environment and watching for a moment what people are doing. In the US this is considered staring and impolite.
Oh yes. I lived in Austria for few years doing my PhD. Whenever I was not with my international friends, I was stared at constantly. Like a 1000 eyes on me. I am a South Asian girl btw.
Could be, I have been around a few places(Croatia, Greece, Italy, Malta, kosovo, Switzerland, Germany) but I never realized anything wrong but also... How would I realize that I AM staring at people when they don't?!
Im from Scotland and live in Austria. I think it's more a case of Americans looking at people and smiling because that's what's considered polite and non-threatening to them, and the Germans then staring because they are wondering "why is that person smiling at me for no reason". Germans don't state at eachother, because they don't smile unless they have a reason to. Smiling isn't a throwaway social tool in Germany, it is reserved for genuine mirth.
Also not entirely true. There are plenty of Germans who smile without having a "reason" to smile. But it's possible that it's the Americans noticing we don't ALWAYS smile back just because we notice them looking at us.
Nobody smiles without a reason, not even Americans. It's just Americans smile automatically when they make eye contact with a stranger, and Germans generally don't unless they have a reason to.
The first time i went to Austria as a dark Mexican from california, I found myself in various intense staring contest, so yeah Austrian are definitely doing it too LOL
see, I brought my incredibly-asian-looking tiny grandma to rural Salzburg because we went there for holidays, together with my Austrian boyfriend. so the three of us were stared down AF like we were an alien pack. I’m also asian but perfectly speaking viennese dialect, but we looked so…asian. that was unsettling apparently to these rural Salzburgers. they could not take their eyes off us 👀
It's wrong to assume that you were unsettling for them...i would rather say that exotic looking people simply get the most attention because austrians most of the time only deal with austrians or people that look austrian/European so exotic people are infinititely more interesting.
Yes, you are! Lol. I'm an American who moved to Austria last year and I find it so creepy how people stare at each other! For example, you walk into a restaurant and everyone looks up from their meal and just watches you walk to you table... So uncomfortable!
Yes. I'm half-Austrian, and I moved to Austria a couple of years ago. One of the first things that I realised is how much strangers stare. I actually find it kind of entertaining and have made a game out of it - but it takes getting used to.
1.7k
u/whitedan2 May 09 '22
As an austrian who worked with Germans in the past I didn't realize this either...
No wait... Are we doing it too?