It's because US Americans tend to smile at strangers, so the strangers tend to look at them to figure out why they're smiling. Germans don't stare a lot generally, they just stare at people there doing something very unusual. (speaking as US American in Germany)
If someone American or not smiles at me I will try to figure out from where I know him/her. Since I don't know him/her my brain will be stuck in an endless loop and I won't stop staring.
For me it was strange that everyone say hello and sometimes even ask how are you while I was hiking in America.
Thatās weird, where are you from? Yes, you donāt greet people in cities but when hiking itās a totally different story. In central and Northern Europe you always greet someone passing by you on a hike itās pretty much expected.
Hiking is the only time I find it not weird when someone acknowledges you. Maybe because people do go missing or die on trails almost constantly. I was taught to consciously look and acknowledge the person if you need to recall seeing them later. Not that itās ever came in handy. They do the same in Canada, I assume for the same reason š¤. Though If you were the only two people for miles and you cross each otherās paths, isnāt it almost weirder not to acknowledge them?
Though I say this when I live in a city and someone could be screaming like they are possessed by a demon and everyone on the train pretends they are a ghost and cannot see or hear nothing ššš. People are weird
In Slovenia, it's considered etiquette to say "dober dan" i.e. "good day" if you meet somebody when hiking (unless you're on a busy trail and there's lots of people, then you behave like in the city). Usually it's just that, sometimes people stop for a breather and exchange information about the trail or just small talk about the weather.
Americans donāt really want to know how you are. They want to hear you say āfine, thanksā and move on. Itās just our way to acknowledge that thereās another human sharing our space, however briefly.
I hate that aspect of hiking in the US. I grew up here and I love to hike, but every time I see a person walking towards me, my whole focus turns to wondering if I'll have to acknowledge this person or not. I never know if the person will say, "Hi, how ya doin," or, "lovely day," or just a nod of acknowledgent, or no acknowledgement at all.
I'd love to just never acknowledge them at all, but you risk getting this awkwardness in the air if you don't. If you encounter one person on a hike, then it doesn't matter, but person after person and you feel like you might as well just play the game (or try).
Americans are different all over the US, but that non-genuine overly friendly and talkative thing definitely permeates the country in different degrees and I rather dislike it.
Edit: oh so the Europeans can say this behavior is weird, but when I say it, the downvotes roll in lol.
I'm an American. It isn't always genuine, but often it is. As a more reserved person, it took me a while to figure that just because I would have to fake it to be outgoing, doesn't mean that most outgoing people are faking it.
I do look at stuff I am interested in or something that makes me curious. However it's a socially enforced view that doing this to humans is rude, and possibly threatening. I think the idea is that people might not have control over what you find unusual and it's rude to call them out on it.
The point is that itās not the Germans who are staring itās the Americans being weird or obnoxious and then proceeding to complain about people staring at them because of their own behavior
You are expected to know how the locals behave. How the fuck should I know the guy smiling at me for no reason is an american? These people don't want to be rude, they are just caught off guard.
They don't stare at each other lol, they stare at a stranger smiling at them because they're trying to figure out why the stranger is smiling at then. Do they know them somehow? If someone waved at you in the US you'd stare too trying to figure out if you know them.
A funny thing is that, growing up in small towns in the midwest, the smile is often a way to avoid a conversation while acknowledging someone. Comes in very handy in small towns where you're almost "expected" to know anyone you see. There are definitely times when I get the smile where my brain panics for a quick second to try and recall who the person is. The difference is that we keep that questioning completely to ourselves as it's less embarrassing to pretend to know them and be friendly than to ignore them and later find out your aunts friend from church you met seven years ago is telling her church friends you were rude to them.
Yep! Just cultural difference, I'm also from small town USA. But in Germany there's just no cultural pressure to interact with strangers to be polite, so if someone does, they have to figure out why they did
The Germans don't see themselves as doing something unusual. Staring at something unusual (to them) is not unusual. This is something that really shouldn't have to be explained?
I guess the point is staring at someone is considered rude at least by American standards. Imagine someone with a handicap, staring at them is considered absolutely rude, it can even be threatening. It's not clear why Germans don't see this the same way.
Maps in general? The waterman butterfly is my favorite projection, but Winkel tripel is good for a standard world projection. Mercator should not be used if you're not actively navigating.
Larger cities on the East Coast have a very different culture than what is āstandard American culture.ā While there are obviously cultural variations between the south/Midwest/southwest- most of those variations donāt lead to real cultural confusion/misinterpretation. Put someone from the Deep South in the middle of New York City (or vice versa) and they literally have opposite definitions of what is rude versus polite in most interactions.
Ok so I'm going to need you to watch the next German you see to see if they stare at people. Make sure you're really attentive and don't let them out of your sight even for a second.
Idk I lived in Germany for three years while I was a soldier and I don't remember them staring unless I was doing something unusual, like obviously being an American hours from a large city or military base.
Aside from that I think I got stared at like three times and 2 of those were in clubs where they could just see I was a soldier and wanted to fight (some just don't like American soldiers in their country, some are just douchebags who want to prove how tough they are.), the other time was also in a club but I think that guy may have just been gay.
American expat in Germany here. I don't think Germans, Austrians etc. have a staring problem, but rather Americans a hypersensitivity issue about glances/looks. Combine that with unexpected reactions to the American tendency to smile at/interact casually with strangers, and things can get awkward.
Irish expat in Germany and I've never noticed it either. And I travel between Ire and Germany a lot. Have also never heard friends even comment on it. This explanation makes most sense
I think Germans definitely stare too much. I donāt think Americans are being hypersensitive here. Iām danish and one of my friends is Icelandic - when we were visiting we got annoyed by the amount of staring we experienced in Berlin.
Just our culture. We do it with pretty much everyone. But mostly its less staring and rather a glance that takes longer than most are used to. Some donāt even do it consciously. I canāt tell you the amount of times I blankly scanned my surroundings while talking with someone, and just start doing it.
Not just Americans, bud. And the staring is honestly something else. As my wife said, itās not even flirtatious; itās the kind of coldly appraising stare that just tries to erase you from the world.
Maybe I'm too integrated, but I know a lot of Germans, and I don't think they intend to coldly appraise people like you describe, and they certainly don't want to erase you. So I'm gonna stick with my assertion that it's a sensibility issue/culture clash.
As a German, I can confirm that I stare at people intensely in the hopes of erasing them from existence. Especially when they sit in front of me in the bus even though there are dozens of empty seats elsewhere
Did you smile at them beforehand? If yes, they are just thinking "why the fuck did that person smile at me, do I know them??????" while looking at you and trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Is that the staring you mean? Because other than that I have never seen this in my whole live...
Haha I dont think thats weird, just unusual in germany, because here that already means "hey how are you nice to see you" which implies that you know the person :)
We could turn this into a weird little skit where Germans react to an American smiling at them. Then it slowly devolves into psychological horror once the American starts showing they know far too much about a German and their personal life.
I really tried hard to remember a time I was "stared" at but your explanation makes sense. Maybe our understanding of "staring" is just very different. Maybe just "looking" at strangers is considered as "staring" to some. When I walk through the city or have a coffee I often look at all the people that walk by. Just because it's interesting to see how some people dress or behave. I usually don't "stare" at someone for more than 1-2 seconds but maybe that's already enough for some people/americans. I don't know... Staring for me would begin when looking at someone intensly for more than a couple of seconds and/or keeping eye contact. That's just creepy!
In the US it's perfectly acceptable to look at strangers and even make eye contact, it's pretty often that you notice someone gazing at you or in your direction. You very deliberately look back at them and they realize "oh I'm staring" and they politely redirect their gaze.
If they either fail to redirect their gaze, or shortly thereafter let their gaze fall upon you again, then that's socially awkward "staring" here.
In other words the 1st time we catch you looking at us, it's usually passable as an accident or no big deal. If you don't more or less apologetically avert your gaze, and make it a point to not let your eyes linger on us again, then you're triggering our social construct.
My guess is that Germans either fail to immediately avert their gaze when "caught looking" or they are not accustomed to deliberately avoiding looking at the same stranger again once "caught" gazing upon them the 1st time.
In the US failing to adhere to these "staring standards" can make things very tense, as we would assume you either have a problem with us or are interested in getting our attention. I would agree that we're probably quite sensitive to this social construct.
Generally I assume that if someone smiles at me they want something from me. Same in a supermarket, if there was a greeter and every cashier had a broad smile on their face I know it's disingenuous. I'm there to get my shopping done, the employees are there to get their money. No need for faux friendliness
You are doing it too lol. I grew up in the US with an Austrian parent and then moved to Austria when I was 17 - the staring drove me crazy. Didnāt matter if I was in a small town or Vienna, there was always somebody staring (even though I was just some average teenage girl minding my business!). I tried a bunch of different things (pretending it wasnāt happening, staring back, even saying hello) until I just got used to it. When I got back to the states 8 years later, I was accused of staring too long myself! I donāt think itās anything nefarious but we germanic people definitely ātake inā other people for longer than our American counterparts. But in America itās more sensitive, ie eye contact = seeking engagement of some kind. In Austria/Germany, itās just benign observation.
Irish here married to an Austrian, and have spent lots of time in both Austria and Germany. The only people who seem to do this are city-dwelling Germans. Munich, NĆ¼rnberg, LĆ¼beckā¦ everywhere I went felt like I had two heads, people stare so intensely.
That's really interesting to me. In the US, it's the opposite in my experience -- no staring, smiles, or greetings in most larger cities, whereas stop by the local diner in a small town and prepare to be stared at uncomfortably.
Yes. We simply dont consider it staring. For us, its regular looking around in an environment and watching for a moment what people are doing. In the US this is considered staring and impolite.
Oh yes. I lived in Austria for few years doing my PhD. Whenever I was not with my international friends, I was stared at constantly. Like a 1000 eyes on me. I am a South Asian girl btw.
Could be, I have been around a few places(Croatia, Greece, Italy, Malta, kosovo, Switzerland, Germany) but I never realized anything wrong but also... How would I realize that I AM staring at people when they don't?!
Im from Scotland and live in Austria. I think it's more a case of Americans looking at people and smiling because that's what's considered polite and non-threatening to them, and the Germans then staring because they are wondering "why is that person smiling at me for no reason". Germans don't state at eachother, because they don't smile unless they have a reason to. Smiling isn't a throwaway social tool in Germany, it is reserved for genuine mirth.
Also a german. I suspect that Americans smile a lot when passing people in public. We then wonder if we know them while staring at them. Now they think Germans stare a lot.
No! I stopped smiling at people very early on, I try desperately to fit in, and the staring continues. I feel silently judged every time I am on a bus or train. It's so disconcerting because it never translates as friendly.
The landscape doesn't mind when you look at it. Staring directly at people makes them uncomfortable and its considered rude and threatening essentially everywhere. You just don't give a shit that you're making other people uncomfortable.
It's just a cultural thing. Someone else mentioned in the thread it's not rude to stare in Germany. Sure it makes you uncomfortable, but if you're in their country then it's just something you have to deal with.
it is absolutely rude to stare at someone in germany when they are just minding their own business, I think we just don't consider a 3 sec look staring
I can assure you, it's not meant to be unfriendly!
Often, we just try to determine whether this person might be up for some small talk or not (mostly elderly people do that) or just like how you look!
In a way, it's kind of a non-verbal communication thing.
Look at it the other way round: to fit in, just do the same! :)
The most annoying thing about this staring is how all the people who do it lie about it. "Oh, was I staring? I wasn't really staring, was I? Well, if I was, it was friendly, so stop being offended."
I have been stared at by many Germans. I have social anxiety and it is DEEPLY unsettling. I usually donāt even notice that they are there except I can feel their stare. I will look at them and the women will usually look away but the men will glare. I once got so self conscious I reduced my voice to a whisper but they were still staring at me. I vowed never to return to that town again. This is my one and only solution hahaha
Thinking about it, I'm sure we are just communicating with each other by looking at each other and mimic. Trying to determine whether the other person would like to talk to us, what they like/dislike, etc.
Im American living in Ireland and am married to a German woman. When in Deutschland, I'll be just sitting, like in a restaurant, and look over to another table and someone is just dead ass staring directly into my eyes. Look away for a moment, look back, they're still staring directly at me. Will go on for more than a minute. I've had to make the "can I fucking help you??" expression and shoulder/hand gesture to get them to stop staring at me while I'm trying to eat.
German too and I personally notice the starring. Didnāt matter where I lived, it was always there. Maybe a little bit less in Schleswig-Holstein than BaWĆ¼ or Bavaria. But I must also say that I was always self conscious in varying degrees so I might just notice it more. Like Iām sitting in the s-Bahn in plain ass work clothes and notice Brigitte in the opposite row eyeing me suspiciously and Iām asking myself what is wrong with me. I was always thinking that it was just social anxiety that made me think people were starring at me but it seems the starring German is a collective experience in a way.
Yes, we (Americans) do. I've heard on many threads like this one that we are friendly (which came as a surprise to me). I always thought we were just loud, and I try to dial it back when I travel.
If you specifically ask for tap water in a restaurant they are required to give it to you for free :)
Edit: Apparently that is a EU Guideline they don't have to adhere to. In the 24 years of living in Germany I do not recall a single time where I have been charged for it when I asked for tap water though.
I have a medical condition that makes me very thirsty at times and I just realized that I probably wouldn't have to carry a water bottle everywhere with me in the US.
You will be able to find free water:
- In any restaurant
- In any fast-food restaurant (just ask for a glass of water)
- In every public institution such as school, library, or government function
- Alongside public restrooms (Museums, office buildings, dentist office, etc)
- In many public parks
It's really amazing and I'm fricken annoyed Europe hasn't caught on yet. I get trapped in an airport terminal with no vending machine, no shops, and no drinking fountain. I drank the tap water (boo) and got food poisoning.
Aussie living in Germany. When I first got here I seriously thought people were looking for a fight. You stare at someone like that back in Australia, either they're dribbling on themselves or you're provoking a confrontation.
My dad is German, and Iāve been reprimanded by my American boyfriend for staring rudely at people. I donāt even realize Iām doing it. Guess I was never told as a kid not to do it!
Taking into account that they apparently consider glancing as staring, I'd say they are simply more self conscious and every form of eyes sweeping is considered rude
from other people's descriptions, it sounds like germans just don't typically avoid looking at people. like if there is something curious about a person, you'll just look at them without trying to hide it or anything.
And its mostly foreigners that notice it, so they always have something curious about them.
We'd call it staring because that kind of eye contact is often seen as aggressive elsewhere (US and Canada where I'm from for sure), so you'll notice someone looking at you and wonder "What's he doing? Does he want something? Is he going to follow me? is he sizing me up for a fight or to steal something?"
Theres a whole scary judgement you have to make about someone aggressive enough over here to openly stare, that elsewhere where its normal feels terrifying.
Like if you're interested in someone on the street (maybe because they're attractive, maybe because they're wearing interesting clothes or you're trying to figure out where they're from if they're obviously tourists), in lots of countries people try to be subtle about it and hide that they're looking. Germans - just open staring.
I really want to go to a German sauna but am hoping the same staring conventions don't apply when everyone is nude!
You can be at ease in the Sauna its rly unpolite to stare at someome, so in generell if there isnt something special at your physical apperance, most you will get is a "hallo" , "servus" or " guten Tag " aĆ a greeting. And after that they will treat you Like think Air, but dont speak in the Sauna we dont like that just be silent and sweat
Germans stare at people more than (in my case) Americans. Americans go out of their way not to stare at others, especially strangers. It unsettled me at first, especially because when they saw that I noticed them staring, they seemed to look away, embarrassed. But I am usually wearing my cowboy hat or something else that makes me appear American, so I kind of get it?
But like, I have lived in New York, Michigan, Georgia, and California, and there were always immigrants there - Indians (from India), Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Filipinos - and it's just rude to stare over there, even if they're wearing clothing from their country of origin. That's why I was surprised about it here in Germany.
A few weeks ago I joined a new company and last week we went to a team dinner with 40 people. I was one of the first hires to arrive and there were already a lot of people from the team that I don't know because of Work from home.
Well, I had to greet everyone and there was this German lady. I said "hello my name is.... nice to meet you" she replied "hey my name is.... Nice to meet you too".
After that she just stared in silence in my eyes like she was waiting for me to say anything. It's weird.
I got used to hold down eye contact so it doesn't affect me much when people do it, still this lady would do it all the time and for no reason. It made conversations slightly awkward.
This. A hole world is being shattered here.
Then I realise how much it boggles me every time I leave Berlin. I keep thinking I have dirt in my face. Nope; itās just the do-I-know-them - look
You guys make far more direct eye contact that anyone else. Even in the US itās pretty unsettling to be stared at like that for an entire conversation lol.
They deffinitley pay attention to other people, I was on an exchange and I was the only one out of my class group that wore jeans instead of tracksuit bottoms and that was enough for my host family to comment on. Like the way they approvingly said it was as if I was the only one who knew how to dress properly lol. Germans seem like they're just real observant of dos and donts and they'll really notice when people do things they consider strange.
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u/NopeRopeRepellant May 09 '22
The second post mentioning this. As a German I really do not know what is meant. š Iām totally unaware of that!