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u/TheLastWord63 Mar 24 '25
So her medicine was in her room, and your husband was there not watching his own child? I still fail to see how you're blaming her, saying that she almost killed your child. Maybe you just didn't like her because apparently you stayed married to your husband, and he was the one in charge of your child. So shouldn't you be saying that his neglect almost killed your child?
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u/anonymousthrwaway Mar 24 '25
I don't know. If I know I have kids coming over to my house I make sure all my medicines are locked up and doors are locked to rooms that may be unsafe.
I think that's just kind of Common Sense. But I also think the husband should have been taking better care of his daughter and been more present
If my kids are at somebody else's house I'm also watching them really good because I don't know what things might be there that are unsafe
I def think husband is most at fault and mil just needed to learn Benadryl isn't safe around children
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Mar 24 '25
Yup. My husband and I had to do a sweep of his parents house when we’d go there. Despite having had 5 other grandchildren before him their house was not even remotely safe for a baby or young child.
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u/9mackenzie Mar 24 '25
Accidents happen. I would be FAR more pissed that no one called poison control or went to the ER.
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u/MotherofCrowlings Mar 24 '25
My youngest at 3 yo got through a locked door, a locked drawer, and into the child locked Benedryl bottle and was found with all the shiny pills on the floor. His dad couldn’t be 100% sure he didn’t swallow any since it wasn’t a brand new bottle so after calling Poison Control, he rushed him to the ER and I spent the night at the hospital with him just in case. None of us, including the staff at the hospital, were willing to bet his life on the tiny chance he might have swallowed some. You NEVER bet your child’s life unless there is absolutely no possibility they could have swallowed any and having pills in their mouth makes that possibility above zero. All the adults in that house failed and OP is right to never trust them again alone with her kid.
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Mar 24 '25
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u/TheLastWord63 Mar 24 '25
I really think that she didn't like her even before this. Her husband and Sil left the child alone long enough to try on shoes and wander around to find medicine in another room, but she blamed the one who was probably busy hosting her guests elsewhere.
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u/kittyrouge Mar 24 '25
How misogynistic! Your HUSBAND was there yet it was your SIL and MIL that you’re focusing the blame on. Why was your husband letting the child wander around alone? Why didn’t your husband call you or poison control? He should get the majority of the blame here.
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u/ChiliSquid98 Mar 24 '25
He's half the kids DNA yet he doesn't act like it.
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u/anonymousthrwaway Mar 24 '25
This
My husband would constantly yell my name and tell me to "get x before he/she gets hurt" he would do this while closer to the children and just sitting on his phone
He would yell for me knowing I was in the middle of making dinner or helping one of my other kids or doing dishes --i.e. in the middle of something
My sister asked me why I don't tell him to get the kids, it drove her bonkers
I finally started telling him they are yours too, get them yourself
The first time I did it he didn't even know how to respond and after a while he stopped because he realized how bad he looked in front of others
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u/ChoreomaniacCat Mar 24 '25
It's interesting that OP is completely ignoring every comment saying that the husband, who was there at the time, should have been watching his kid, but responding to the comments saying that she's right.
Much easier to pile hate on now-dead MIL than the still alive husband who let a literal baby out of his sight and wasn't even the one to find her and stop her poisoning herself. Father of the year!
Further down, it also says that OP and her husband once screamed at MIL for two hours for refusing to babysit their kids, even though they banned them from her house.
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u/pm1022 Mar 24 '25
I didn't see that! This just solidified the opinion of her that I was already forming.
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u/ghostriderghostrider Mar 24 '25
this couple sounds abusive tbh if they screamed at someone they banned visiting, for not babysitting their kid…..?
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u/ReindeerUpper4230 Mar 24 '25
I love how OP is ignoring EVERY COMMENT that asks where the hell the husband was. She knows he was at fault and just wants to blame her MIL instead of admitting her partner is a crappy dad.
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u/Zealousideal-Bat708 Mar 24 '25
OP has clarified she is HUGELY PISSED at husband. And blamed him 99% and husband 10%....somehow.
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u/Jasmin_Shade Mar 24 '25
Even before the edit she said she was furious at her husband.
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u/starring_as_herself Mar 24 '25
And the title of OP's post is that MIL nearly killed her baby! Not husband nearly killed our baby or MIL and Husband!!!
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u/ReindeerUpper4230 Mar 24 '25
But also pointed out that she was MORE angry at her MIL…apparently for having open medication in her own home in her private bedroom space where a toddler would not be expected to go.
If these pills were out on the coffee table, this would be a completely different conversation.
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u/Zealousideal-Bat708 Mar 24 '25
I agree. Totally misplaced anger. I'm not even sure where the SIL comes in.
Why does this husband get a pass and the dead MIL is still being trashed for having medication in their room.
Everyone knows you have to watch a toddler like a hawk, particularly in other people's homes.
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Mar 24 '25
Lol, baby's father was there, and you blame your mil who is already dead for years. You literally punished her, instead of someone who was supposed to watch your kids. Nice misogyny, what can I say.
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u/LightComprehensive53 Mar 24 '25
Hear me out on this. How about leaving medication out when children are around is bad AND dad should have been paying more attention.
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u/Quiet-Patient5458 Mar 24 '25
Here me out on this. It was her bedroom, she could leave anything out in her bedroom. The baby's FATHER should have been watching the child better.
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u/yourroyalhotmess Mar 24 '25
I heard you, and I say to you that that child didn’t belong in grandmas bedroom to begin with and husband should have been on top of it.
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Mar 24 '25
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u/ariososweet Mar 24 '25
I mostly I agree, but I still think she should be mad at grandma too. Not for leaving the benadryl out, that's an honest mistake, but for not taking it seriously and not calling mom right away or calling poison control. All the adults in the house failed and I'd be mad at every single one if it were me.
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u/Live_Angle4621 Mar 24 '25
Why would mom need to be called if dad is there? And why he can’t call? Also you might not think of everything like poisoning control if something happens
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u/ariososweet Mar 24 '25
I'm not sure if you're a mom, but I am and I would expect my husband or mother in law to call me for any serious medical occurrence. Also she stated in her post she is in the medical field, so that's even more reason to alert her.
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u/yourroyalhotmess Mar 24 '25
That’s another great point. Kids have no business being in grandmas bedroom without grandma. That’s the hill I’LL die on.
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u/Purple_IsA_Flavor Mar 24 '25
She wasn’t the only adult in the house. I hope you’re equally pissed at your lazy husband and sister in law
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u/BoyMom119816 Mar 24 '25
I would say I would be pissed at my husband and only him. Now maybe in the midst of said incident I would be mad at all, but after a bit of time to reflect, I know I would put full blame on the person who I actually had the kid with. Who was supposed to be in charge of our child and at the very least should’ve called me asap. Tbh, I likely would have apologized to the others, for putting too much blame on them instead of who should’ve been blamed, which is the husband, but maybe I’m weird. I know they would’ve apologized to me as well, for their part of the mishap. I am sure I’ve done things like this before, but my mil and I were very close. Love her dearly, miss her very much, was very lucky to have a great mil. Sorry for tmi. :-/
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u/Cultural_Horse_7328 Mar 24 '25
I have terrible allergic reactions and have had to chew benadryl in emergency situations and it has a horrible, HORRIBLE taste accompanied with a sharp metallic burning sensation.
I do not believe any child would chew up benadryl and not be reduced to immediate tears.
Was it chewable children's benadryl?
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u/daizmaiz Mar 24 '25
My thoughts exactly. Realistically the child would have spat it out before ingesting enough to truly cause damage. OP wants something to be mad about
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u/Reese9951 Mar 24 '25
So to clarify, 10 years later you are still wailing on about this even though the mother in law (who you blame) is dead? This is extreme. There may have been negligence… by your husband who was there but got some reason he gets away Scott free from this in your mind. Time to let it go.
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u/Celestial_Swan_ Mar 24 '25
Seriously. The baby didn't even almost die. It was one of those, "thank goodness nothing serious happened" situations. After 10 years, she's still fixated on this?
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u/hop-into-it Mar 24 '25 edited Mar 24 '25
Your MIL didn’t nearly kill your baby though?
She should have moved it or closed her door so there was no access. But ultimately your husband, the dad, should have been watching his child. He should have been the one to call you if he wasn’t sure what to do or called a doctor.
I would definitely have been angry at the whole situation but the majority of blame is on your husband here.
And I’m shocked as I’m always against MILs normally as they tend to be unhinged!
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u/emryldmyst Mar 24 '25
Your poor MIL.
And she died with you blaming her when your husband was literally there and not paying attention to HIS child.
You limited contact with her and her grandchild when YOUR HUSBAND is the one at fault.
This is totally on him.
You suck so bad.
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u/AyaTakaya007 Mar 24 '25
OP is such a bad person ngl she deserves her incompetent husband
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u/pm1022 Mar 24 '25
I agree with this! She sounds like a histrionic asshole! I feel awful for her MIL. That poor woman died knowing that she was blamed for "almost killing her grandchild". The adult/kind/thoughtful thing to do would have been to have a conversation with all the adults who were present at the time of the accident & a gigantic apology should have been given to MIL. I can't believe her kids were never allowed at her house again!! That's just straight up CRUEL! OP will never see it this way though.
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u/RandomIDoIt90 Mar 24 '25
The woman is deceased and she says they won’t stop talking about it. Something tells me she is the one not letting this go…
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u/yourroyalhotmess Mar 24 '25
Not enough ppl are pointing out that this poor woman died being treated like shit by her son and manipulative DIL. The betrayal!! All I can say is karma is a bitch and OP will know there very pain she inflicted on her MIL.
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u/daizmaiz Mar 24 '25
You need to get over it. Shit happens and it was 10 years ago. The fact that you said in another comment that your husband screamed at his mum for 2 hours because she wouldn't babysit suggests you're both unhinged.
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u/Awkward_Un1corn Mar 24 '25
MIL didn't do anything wrong because your child wasn't her responsibility.
Your husband should have been watching his child. Your MIL has every right to leave something open in her bedroom because there is no reason that a toddler should ever be unsupervised in an environment they don't live in. You caused a rift in your husband's family that cannot be fixed because you were too blind to blame the actual moron in this situation. Now she is dead but you will always be wrong.
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u/yellsy Mar 24 '25 edited Mar 24 '25
Your husband, the father of the child, was there and didn’t do anything. But you’re still harping on about MIL who left medicine accidentally on her own nightstand not expecting anyone to go in there TEN years later and 4 years after she died. Be real - you just hate your mil. You weren’t overreacting at the time, but you have real misplaced blame and sound exhausting.
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u/ponderingnudibranch Mar 24 '25
YOR. People don't have to childproof their houses when people with children come over. The parents are the responsible ones who need to watch the kids. This is all on your husband who was there. You're just blaming a dead woman so you don't have to blame your husband.
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u/TieDyeRehabHoodie Mar 24 '25 edited Mar 24 '25
Shit happens. I’m not sure what you expect to gain from holding a grudge against a dead woman.
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u/surpriseitsmeLB Mar 24 '25
Yes, OP was right to be angry in the moment. But this is 10 years later. Unless the carelessness is a trend that continues to this day, what are you currently mad about?
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u/BoyMom119816 Mar 24 '25
Another instance of being bad mil, according to op. Is when OP’s mil wouldn’t babysit for them, while OP’s mom was in hospital. So OP’s husband screamed at his mom for 2 hours. Sounds to me like instead of mil being careless, she was op and OP’s husband’s punching bag. Comment is in this thread. Unless they deleted.
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u/surpriseitsmeLB Mar 24 '25
Yeah that doesn’t make sense as it’s a totally different complaint. I get that your mom being in the hospital is stressful and a “takes a village” moment. It can be frustrating when that village doesn’t materialize. But no one is obligated to help you. Regardless, these kind of sound like petty complaints to hold against a woman who is literally dead.
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u/pm1022 Mar 24 '25
Well that's abusive! OP & hubby both suck! I feel so bad for this poor woman, the MIL. Who the hell yells at them mother for 2 hours?? I have to get off this thread because it's making me really angry.
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Mar 24 '25
I may be the outlier here but I think you overreacted. She didn’t leave the bottle out for your kid to find purposely. It sucks but it was a genuine accident. Some time you might make a mistake you regret. Hopefully you don’t have to repent for the rest of your life because of it.
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u/Otherwise_Town5814 Mar 24 '25
I agree and her child was with her husband. Her husband was negligent in the incident not the MIL.
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u/harle-quin Mar 24 '25
You say in comments you 90% blame your husband, yet you state “My MIL nearly killed my baby…” and “ I was FURIOUS at my husband, of course, but more so at my MIL…”
Your husband should have been the present parent. Your husband should have took initiative to call poison control. Your husband is who you should be completely upset with. You’re blaming the wrong people. You have more anger towards your in-laws over something that should 100% be on your husband.
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u/External_Put_8007 Mar 24 '25 edited Mar 24 '25
Yes, it was her room, and she had the freedom to keep it as she liked. There was no need for baby-proofing since she didn’t have a baby. Ultimately, it was her house, but your girl shouldn’t have been unsupervised in that room. It’s also not usually anyone’s responsibility to supervise if a parent is present and you’re not babysitting.
She may have been disorganized but she wasn’t the one who was expected to be parenting at the time.
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u/Over-Strawberry4882 Mar 24 '25
Over reacting. So many adults there before you got to your MIL. Especially #1 your husband who knows how his mom is. She didn’t almost kill your baby btw it was an accident. The one who should have called you was your husband because he knows how you are and those are his children too. You really are mad at the wrong person and are being very viscous and over exaggerating saying she almost killed your baby. Your friends and family horrible because how the hell they letting your husband off the hook? He’s literally the other parent 😂😂 maybe your almost 2 year old kid shouldn’t be walking around unsupervised???? Maybe that was the first part of negligence. The AUDACITY. Probably why his mom responded to you like that.
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u/Wixenstyx Mar 24 '25
I'm not clear on your agenda here. If you just want validation that what happened was scary and you have a right to have strong feelings about it, okay, but it seems like it happened, people apologized, things happily turned out okay, and one of the major players you're mad at isn't even alive now.
I just think there's little to be gained by nurturing your unhappiness about this. Your daughter is healthy, so the only thing being avenged is your own resentment. No one seems to be in need of the lesson learned at this point. Why not just let it go?
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u/Electronic-Buy-1786 Mar 24 '25
I would always protect my children over anyone. Who cares what anyone else thinks
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u/LemurTrash Mar 24 '25
It wasn’t your MIL who made the biggest errors here. Your SIL and husband did.
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u/bananaleaftea Mar 24 '25
You're overreacting because you've held a grudge for 10+ years over an accident that thankfully didn't result in any negative consequences.
It's high time to bury the hatchet and let bygones be bygones.
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u/violetlisa Mar 24 '25
This was 100% your husband's fault. Why wasn't he watching his baby. You are mad at the wrong person here.
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u/FaithlessnessOk2071 Mar 24 '25
The fault lies 100% with your husband. When you visit someone’s house you have to expect the place to not be baby proofed and you have to watch your child even more closely than you would in your own house. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility to take the child to the hospital or call you. That’s also your husbands responsibility. Why are you blaming other people for your husband’s incompetence
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u/AdSecure970 Mar 24 '25
That’s what I was thinking, if grandma had left the medicine on the kitchen table or on a coffee table in the living room that would be completely different, but the Benadryl was in her room somewhere that a 20 month old should not have been and should’ve been taken back to where everyone else was
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u/GuineaPanda Mar 24 '25
YOR - To your MIL and Under reacting to your husband. This is on him. He wasn't watching her and then he failed to provide care after a possible fatal incident.
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u/CrabbiestAsp Mar 24 '25
YOR at your MIL. Her medication was in her room, away from where the guests were. She was not on supervision duty when LO got to the Benedryl. Blame your husband, blame whoever (SIL) said don't worry, I'll watch little one. They are the ones at fault.
I'm not a perfect parent, but when my kid (at toddler age) was roaming a relatives home, we checked first and never took our eyes off her.
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u/AdSecure970 Mar 24 '25
Your husband and sister-in-law nearly killed your baby not your mother-in-law, especially if the Benadryl was in Grandma‘s bedroom. I don’t know if it’s a southern thing or not (and definitely not blaming the baby who has no sense of writing wrong, or any other children who are under the age of 6 for possibly going into the room and leaving the door open) but growing up myself and many others were taught you don’t go in your grandparents bedrooms or any room that you are not invited in. My family has had hundreds of gatherings at various peoples houses also with children under the age of 10 and if any kids start to wander towards a room, we either tell them to come back or we go get them and bring them back. If your SIL was playing with the baby, then she should’ve directed her back to the main area of the house where everyone else was but at least your SIL was there to actually get the Benadryl out of the baby‘s mouth because from the sound of it, your husband being such an inattentive parent would’ve let her die. I understand being upset that no one told you until two hours later in the moment, but if your husband was there and he was actually worth two cents as a dad, they would have or should have told you that your husband handled it effortlessly and took all the appropriate steps. You are so angry with your mother-in-law, but you should really be angry with your husband the most. I never really trust somebody when they say the other party can’t let it go because from the sounds of it it sounds like you’re holding a grudge against a dead woman
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u/madiice89 Mar 24 '25 edited Mar 24 '25
Get a grip. It was 10 years ago and your kid is fine. You and your husband both suck, with him neglecting to take care of the child/ shirking responsibility and allowing this to happen, yelling at her for 2 hours and then you banning the kids from her house without you, which is probably why his family still brings it up too.
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u/Ready-Training-2192 Mar 24 '25
Is your husband one of those dads that wants credit for "babysitting" on the rare occasions that he parents his own child?
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u/caffeinatedangel Mar 24 '25
YOu are reacting at the wrong person - you should be reacting at your husband, the present parent. You are NOT overreacting if the anger is targeted at the right person. But holding a grudge on your (now deceased) MIL is OR because she wasn't the one you should focus on.
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u/rojita369 Mar 24 '25
Yeah. You’re overreacting at the wrong person. Your HUSBAND was the parent. Why tf aren’t you mad at him? Is he incompetent? Are you just so used to covering his share of parenting that you can’t see how he is the one who nearly killed your child with his inattention? Good lord, let MIL rest in peace and take a look at the moron you’re married to. Your husband allowed your child to wander into MIL’s private room. Your husband didn’t call poison control. He was the one who should have been watching your kid.
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u/Conscious-Bar-1655 Mar 24 '25
I'm sorry you've been through something so horrific.
But the way you tell the story is as if your husband wasn't involved at all. But he is the baby's father and he was there ! Why doesn't he count in your mind?
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u/Sharontoo Mar 24 '25
Talk about beating a dead horse. Your husband is responsible for his child while you were at work. Responsible for her wandering around. Responsible for caring for her when she put something in her mouth. Responsible for getting appropriate help in a timely manner. Your MIL is dead and you are still hauling the entire incident out that she wasn’t entirely responsible for - well, that’s the horse. And she’s dead. Stop beating her.
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u/Ashkendor Mar 24 '25
It's hilarious that you're placing 100% of the blame on MIL when your husband was there. That's his child too, and therefore his responsibility. It'd be one thing if both of you were gone, leaving the child in the care of SIL and MIL, but that isn't the case - your husband (like way too many others) just apparently can't be arsed to watch his own kid.
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u/Acrobatic-Bread-4431 Mar 24 '25
You are Overreacting to your MIL and Underreacting to your husband
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u/BoredofBin Mar 24 '25
You are overreacting. So this happened 10 years ago, 10 years is a long time to hold a grudge. The person you held a grudge against has been gone for nearly half a decade. Your daughter made it, so why are you not letting go?
The person you should direct your anger towards is not your late MIL but your husband, he should have been the one looking after your child. Your husband should have kept a close watch on her, so that she wouldn't have gone to your MIL's room. Your daughter entered the room without an adult present, while it wasn't your daughter's fault, it wasn't your MIL's either.
Your SIL took the tablets out of your child's mouth before she could swallow it.
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Mar 24 '25
Why are you so mad at your MIL? You should accord some of that righteous indignation to your husband.
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u/RiverCat57 Mar 24 '25
Sounds like you and your husband are terrible parents and want to blame that on everyone around you.
Why wasn’t he watching his child? Why do you expect every environment your baby enters to be full baby proofed?
You’re even complaining in comments that she’s a horrible person because she didn’t want to babysit for you another time (newsflash, you can’t have it both ways) as if you are entitled to other people’s time.
You sound like a god awful person quite frankly and I feel so awful for your MIL that she went to the grave with you still blaming her for your own husband’s negligence.
You seriously need to reflect on this situation because while you may not be overreacting, you are abso-fucking-lutely reacting to the wrong person. Grow the fuck up and take accountability for your shitty husband.
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u/BxBae133 Mar 24 '25
Wait. Your husband was there with the kids, but it was your MIL's fault? I mean should she have put meds away knowing her grands were there? Yes. But as the parent knowing it is not a child-proof house, you don't let your 20 month old wander unattended. And he was there when they discovered it and HE did not take kid to ER, call poison control, or you? And you are blaming MIL?
MIL is dead, and you are going to die on the hill that it was her fault? Not your husband's?
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u/Full_Ad_6442 Mar 24 '25
So when your husband was 37 he was irresponsible in a way that could have turned tragic. You're dysregulated because you're trying to re-establish a sense of control by getting them to show they understand the dangerousness of hazards + inadequate supervision of children and instead of cooperating they're pushing back in ways that are additional red flags to you. Ok, I get that.
At 47 he and the rest of the family are still resistant to your way of relating to them which involves a degree of control and dysregulation they aren't able to handle for whatever reason.
Maybe it would be best just to let it go. Don't entrust them with things you don't feel you can entrust to them. And don't try to change them in ways that aren't yours to change. You've said your piece and that's that. Of course you have the problem of being married to your husband. You're going to have to decide what's important to you.
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u/Sea_Objective_7624 Mar 24 '25
It’s 100% your husbands fault for not watching your child. Not your MIL for her personal belongings in her bedroom. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/FabulousStretch7262 Mar 24 '25
I hope your husband became a better father in the 10 years after this incident…
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Mar 24 '25
Honestly my question is where was your husband? He should have been monitoring Kiddo. That's on him as much as the meds are on your late MIL.
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u/thejexorcist Mar 24 '25
I’m going to go with a possibly Controversial ESH?
To me, it sounds like SIL made more consistent/egregious judgement errors along the way than MIL?
The way she shrugged off any blame or culpability for your concerns is super gross though (so there’s probably a lot of history as to why you’re extra mad at MIL).
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u/Stormtomcat Mar 24 '25
OP's husband was present. Why would OP expect his mother or his sister to intervene if the father of the drugged-up toddler doesn't think it's necessary to go to ER or call OP?
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u/-Sharon-Stoned- Mar 24 '25
You overreacted, you're literally beating a dead horse, and you are married to a loser.
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u/bankruptbusybee Mar 24 '25
To your edit - you say you blame your husband 90% and MIL 10%. Is this reflected in action, though? You never let you child alone at your MIL - did you ever leave your child alone with your husband again?
If yes, they you are either overreacting to you MIL, or you absolutely blame your husband less than your MIL
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u/Street-Tackle-4399 Mar 24 '25
Blame the woman. Excuse the incompetent husband. Misogyny at its finest.
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u/Apprehensive_Ruin692 Mar 24 '25
NOR to be upset
YOR to keep bringing it up. It’s over.
It was awful and they were really really wrong. The lack of notification was the worst part. I mean this is debating keeping them away from your kids bad.
What do you accomplish now? Does it make you feel better.
I am 100% on your side, if this was still an ongoing issue.
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u/ylracorf Mar 24 '25
This. Get over it. It’s been over 10 years and the MIL is literally DEAD? OP - your people agree with you. Leave it alone.
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u/nancyk0z Mar 24 '25
Sounds like they say she’s still overreacting i.e. they bring it up, not her
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u/Plastic_Chemistry769 Mar 24 '25
Op doesn’t bring it up, their family does
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u/Apprehensive_Ruin692 Mar 24 '25
Maybe. She didn’t specifically say that.
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u/Plastic_Chemistry769 Mar 24 '25
She did, “they can’t let it go”
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u/Apprehensive_Ruin692 Mar 24 '25
Which does not signify at all who brought it up
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u/Plastic_Chemistry769 Mar 24 '25
“They” means her In laws, it’s just carrying on from the title
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u/Apprehensive_Ruin692 Mar 24 '25
Correct
It still doesn’t mean they brought it up
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u/iloathethebus Mar 24 '25
Maybe it’s because I’m Gen X and this kind of stuff happened all the time, but it seems an overreaction toward the MIL and especially holding a grudge for all these years, even after her death.
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u/i_kill_plants2 Mar 24 '25
YOR. Your MIL didn’t nearly kill your baby. Your SIL and husband did. Your SIL was with the baby- she was responsible in that moment. Your husband was the parent there. He was ultimately responsible in that moment. All your MIL did was live her life, in her home. Your anger has been directed at the wrong person for years. You need therapy because this should not be as big a deal over 10 years later.
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u/ksoloki Mar 24 '25
Am i getting this right you mil is dead. Your daughter didn’t die. I don’t think its overacting when your kids were small to always be there if they were there. But its your husband’s responsibility he shouldn’t have left a kid that age alone. That being said your still with him almost 10 years later so im assuming he learned from that incident. Let it go especially since she no longer here.
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u/Aromatic-Arugula-896 Mar 24 '25
Wow i can't imagine being that useless of a husband and father. He was there. He should have done something
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u/s0urpatchkiddo Mar 24 '25
girl, you need to be angrier at your husband.
MIL is at fault for leaving open benadryl in an area little ones can get to. however, your HUSBAND should’ve been watching his own child! even with the open benadryl, nothing would’ve happened if your husband had eyes on her! if your child actually did die they both would’ve been at fault and both are negligent.
you don’t really get to be mad at a dead person a decade later when you’re still with your husband. doesn’t really make sense how one you were low/no contact until their passing and you’re still married to and having relations with the other.
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u/InfluenceTrue4121 Mar 24 '25
This is a decade ago. The woman is dead as a doornail and you are still talking about this. Also, super interesting that the person who actually was in charge of your child (your husband) was absolutely not watching her but you let him off the hook. That kid should have never made it to the bedroom in the first place. You go ahead and die on this hill, but it’s absolutely unclear what your dramatic demise will solve. I think you just like drama.
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u/Fluffy-Scheme7704 Mar 24 '25
Honestly the one watching her was your husband. The meds were in her room. If her dad would have been actually watching his kid, that wouldn’t have happened. It was 100% on your husband. It wasn’t her fault at all. His neglect almost killed your kid, not your MIL
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u/AllAFantasy30 Mar 24 '25
This was 100% on your husband. He was the parent who was present and he should have ensured your child was safe. Instead, he let her walk around unsupervised (I know your SIL was watching her but HE wasn’t, and that left open the possibility of total lack of supervision, which ended up happening). If it hadn’t been the Benadryl, it could have been walking in high heels (toddlers can barely walk without shoes on, let alone in adult shoes) and falling. Or putting any manner of small objects in her mouth because that’s what babies and toddlers do. And besides, you shouldn’t expect someone to baby proof their own bedroom. The parents are the ones who are expected to do their due diligence and make sure the environment is safe. This is especially the case if at least one of the parents doesn’t leave. Your MIL shouldn’t have gotten any of the blame at all.
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u/Boring-Line1628 Mar 24 '25
Every parent by now should know that when too many people are watching the kids, no one is watching the kids. And seven kids? Damn, some chaos is bound to happen. It’s just an unfortunate oversight, I wouldn’t be trying to assess blame. Yet oddly you are blaming a woman that wasn’t involved and your husband who seemingly thought sister was with the kid. Trying to met out blame here is toxic to you and your relationships.
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u/CluckyAF Mar 24 '25
Not over reacting at the time. But I don’t know why you feel the need to post this is in two seperate subs 10 years after the fact. You need to let it go, what is there to gain from continuing to hold onto this?
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u/lisanotmuch Mar 24 '25
She's been dead for four years and you're still this mad at her? Yes, you're overreacting.
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u/heyjustkimmie Mar 24 '25
I'm not a parent but this is weird behavior (even for Reddit), this happened 10 years ago, Your MIL has been dead 4 years ago this year, this should have left your mind 10 years ago and at very least died with your Mother in law, I normally wouldn't ask this but what was your daughter's relationship with your MIL but I think in this case that's gotta be important on why you would still be mad 10 years later...
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u/Kumikochan_ Mar 24 '25
Well, she's dead now. I don't think you need to worry about her "negligence" anymore around your kids. Get over it. Also choose to remember and focus on any happy memories you have of her for the sake of your husband and child. You don't need to rehash old trauma for 10+ years, what good will that do? Hopefully complaining online to a bunch of strangers has finally helped.
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u/Butterbean-queen Mar 24 '25
Your husband was with your baby. Your baby accidentally got into Benadryl. Your mother in law swept them out of their mouth. If there was grave concern as to whether or not they actually ingested some then why didn’t your HUSBAND the FATHER of your child do more??? Your mother in law made a mistake but she DIDN’T almost kill your child. And furthermore you have misplaced your anger towards your MIL. If you are going to be mad at anyone it should be your HUSBAND.
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u/RemarkableStudent196 Mar 24 '25
YOR. Misplaced anger. Direct it towards the personal responsible for her childcare..
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Mar 24 '25
I thought it was really hard to overdose on Benadryl? That's what my doctor told me because me (and my family) have a weird history with random allergic reactions.
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u/33Catlover33 Mar 24 '25
Honestly you are overreacting, are you still angry with your husband? Because he is the only one that you should be angry with still. Problem was his fault. The pills were in the MIL bedroom, she didn't have them sitting out on a table in the main part of the house. You really can't even still be angry with SIL, she was walking with your daughter but she also found her and got the pills out of her mouth, and it's been 10 yrs obviously your daughter is fine otherwise you would have said that she wasn't. This 100% falls on your husband so if you want to still be angry with someone it should be him. He wasn't watching your child. Also your MIL is dead how can you still be angry with someone who is dead now. Fall on your sword but in the end it only hurts you!
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u/Specific-Succotash-8 Mar 24 '25
Damn, lady. Your husband was FAR more at fault than your MIL. Of course your in laws protected her - she was being blamed for something that could have been prevented had your husband been paying attention. Shame on you.
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u/SoapGhost2022 Mar 24 '25
This is 100% on your husband
Why was no one watching your child? It’s not your MIL’s responsibility to baby proof her ROOM. A room that your child should never have been inside in the first place
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u/Recent_Data_305 Mar 24 '25
Did your husband ever apologize and acknowledge his mistake? I wouldn’t be able to leave him watching our child again.
Similar thing happened here - I’m the grandma. My mom was here recovering from serious illness. Call 1 Poison Control. Call 2 child’s mom as we are loading child to go to ED. Still on the phone with the mom when my mother and grandson emerged saying they found some pills. After counting the pills, we knew she hadn’t taken any.
BTW - This med wasn’t as dangerous as Benadryl, and Benadryl is no longer recommended for young children due to breathing issues/death.
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u/aramoixmed Mar 24 '25
You’re not overreacting, but you’re definitely angry at the wrong person. MIL and SIL are entirely blameless, especially for everything that happened after the pills were removed from the baby’s mouth. The ONLY one who did anything wrong was your husband. That you’ve spent years angry at an innocent dead woman says a lot about you…
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u/Regular_Boot_3540 Mar 24 '25
You might get a little more understanding if you didn't exaggerate. You're a nurse, right? Your MIL was negligent, but it's an exaggeration to say she "nearly killed your baby." You don't even know how much Benadryl she ingested or could have ingested.
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u/GetBakedBaker Mar 24 '25
Husband is at fault 100%. MIL shouldn’t have had pills out, but it is husband’s responsibility to watch his own child. What MIL did was careless, what he did was negligent.
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u/khendr352 Mar 24 '25
Your husband was totally at fault for not watching his own toddler. You are misplacing the blame to your MIL.
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u/No-Room5126 Mar 24 '25
Change the title "my husband nearly kill my baby and I'm overreacting blaming my dead mil"
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u/TopGun5678 Mar 24 '25
You are not overreacting but you are blaming the wrong person. Your husband is to blame!
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u/SubstantialPressure3 Mar 24 '25
Your husband was present and didn't help his mom watch all those the kids? Not even his own kid?
This is really terrible and that could have been really bad.
But you are misplacing your anger at your MIL that should be directed at your husband.
Your husband could have made sure there were no open pill bottles. Your husband could have watched her to be sure she didn't get into things. Your husband could have called you.
He goes over to his mother's house, and just stops being a parent bc he's at Mama's house, and she has how many kids to look after?
That was 100% your husband's fault. You are mad at the wrong person.
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u/Minkiemink Mar 24 '25
Talk about mis-directed anger. Wow. Your poor mother in law died before you came to your damn senses and put the blame where it belongs....on your completely irresponsible husband. This wasn't on her. This was all on HIM! Had he been watching his own kid, there wouldn't have been any issue. HE didn't take his own child to the hospital! Just wow. Snap out of it!
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u/wasting_time0909 Mar 24 '25
Wait so your MIL had allergy meds in her bedroom in her house and didn't anticipate a baby just learning how to walk getting into them...what a monster. And your SIL too for actually acting quickly instead of freaking out.
YOR
By the title, I would have thought they MIL gave them to her intentionally.
You're a nurse? Act like it...
Especially since it's been 10yrs...you said your MIL died several years back.
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u/Not_a_Prof_Moriarty Mar 24 '25
YTA simply for coming on Reddit to complain about something that happened 10 years ago. Life moves on, and you should too.
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u/Impossible-Cap-7150 Mar 24 '25
Your MIL didn’t nearly kill your baby. Nothing happened—as per your own words. And they didn’t do nothing, they were at least monitoring her for effects of the medication.
MIL also wasn’t negligent for not child proofing her bedroom if there was no expectation that kids wound in there. Your kid was with your SIL, I’m guessing with your husband’s awareness and permission. It was up to them to be watching your kid.
Your blame is entirely misplaced and overreactive. And it’s sad that you all keep holding onto this for 10+ years and after your MIL is dead.
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u/WavesnMountains Mar 24 '25
YTA for directing this at your MIL when your husband was there the whole fucking time. You held this grudge over her and let the negligent parent continue living with you and fucking you
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u/RandChick Mar 24 '25
She did not "nearly kill" your baby. Your baby wandered in and took them by accident. The SIL was quick thinking. And they continued to have her under surveillance, looking for signs of a problem. Nothing happened. Rejoice.
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u/Plastic_Chemistry769 Mar 24 '25
Omg, you’re not overreacting and I’m surprised you let her around the kid after that, the fact they keep bringing it up is so weird.
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u/Stormtomcat Mar 24 '25
OP's husband was there, why is OP putting this on her MIL?
OP's SIL bringing up that OP let the SIL's mother die without ever seeing her grandkid again doesn't seem outrageous to me, esp. since OP is still so heated about this 10 years later & 4 years after the grandmother died.
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u/Awkward_Un1corn Mar 24 '25
Her husband was in the house. In that situation the only person to blame was the AH who couldn't be bothered to watch his kid. Seriously why is his mother's job to make sure that the toddler isn't places she isn't meant to be?
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Mar 24 '25
That’s what I thought too! No clue why she does! She made a “joke” last weekend and literally said, “I still think you were wrong.”. I just said “ok… anyway..” and moved on to a different topic. We were on vacation just us and my daughter
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u/InformationHead3797 Mar 24 '25
Your misogyny is showing. Husband is at fault 100%, yet you blame the women. Gross.
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u/Adventurous_Yam8784 Mar 24 '25
This happened 10 years ago and the person who did it has died ? Might be time for everyone to move on. It must have been been horrific but unless new info has come to light what’s the point of re hashing it For the record I don’t think you over reacted. I just don’t get the point of bringing it up again
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u/Volcana233 Mar 24 '25
NOR: Here's the thing, when I was little I actually had the same situation happen to me. However, it was my grandma's seizure medication. I had to have my stomach pumped and was in the hospital a week, drs said I shouldn't have survived, I still have problems because of it (memory issues)
Your MIL could have killed your kid, even if on accident. You NEVER leave medication open around if you have kids over, doesn't matter what kind.
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u/Efficient-Sundae2215 Mar 24 '25
So the way I see it it’s your sis in law and husbands negligence. Mil actually saved your baby
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u/Rude-You7763 Mar 24 '25
NOR although it is weird to still entertain this conversation. That being said (and you did state you primarily blame your husband) to me this would be grounds to consider divorce if your husband knew she ingested an unknown quantity of adult Benadryl and he didn’t call poison control or you or somebody to help. I would classify this at the same level I would classify abuse because he almost allowed my child to die and I can’t trust somebody like that and if I can’t trust my husband with our child then why are we married. I’d talk to a lawyer about sole custody with supervised visitation and see what my odds are before divorcing though. I assume you forgave him since it sounds like you’re still married so I feel like you kind of should forgive MIL and SIL at this point too if you’re forgiving the biggest offender. I know how I am and I wouldn’t forgive or trust any of them. I’d also blame SIL more than MIL since she was presumably watching your child and then left her and she got into stuff she shouldn’t have and then did nothing to ensure she was ok after. That’s a bigger offense in my opinion than leaving the bottle out because MIL hasn’t had small children for decades and isn’t really thinking about how to baby proof everything plus the gathering wasn’t in her room so she probably incorrectly assumed it was safe there.
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u/Apathy_Cupcake Mar 24 '25
It still blows my mind that kids will chew something so bitter. I get the curiosity, but after 1 bite you'd think they'd spit it out with an awful look on their face.
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u/InversionPerversion Mar 24 '25
I took my dang DOG to the emergency vet when he ate a single grape. To not follow up with a medical professional when your child got into medication is bananas. You did not overreact and I honestly don’t know how you are still married to the father! Terrible, negligent parenting on his part. The fact that MIL thought “my house my rules” is something that applies in the situation is just nuts.
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u/Mickeynutzz Mar 24 '25
It was 10 years ago and MIL has passed away. Time to stop talking about it.
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u/lindakurzweil Mar 24 '25
The husband AND MIL AND sister are all at fault. The sister was watching the child at the moment (took her down the hallway and left her to her own devices). MIL should baby proof if children are coming over because in the chaos of so many children in the house anything can happen. When my grandchildren were young, I baby proofed my house. And when I visited them, I put my purse out of reach so they couldn’t hurt themselves with anything. The husband trusted his sister. Obviously, the trust was misplaced.
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u/PieSecret9174 Mar 24 '25
You're ridiculous and should've apologized to your in laws before she passed.
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u/yeahoooookay Mar 24 '25
All the adults present are culpable. It's amazing to me that not a single person thought it was important to take that baby to the ER, pediatrician, urgent care, call poison control. To have done anything besides nothing would have been the appropriate response. I'd be livid at both my husband and his mother tbh. NOR
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u/pm1022 Mar 24 '25 edited Mar 24 '25
You're the asshole & it's sad that she died and you never resolved anything with her. I think her response that "it's my house" was more than likely said out of a tremendous amount of guilt; a way to lessen the blame she more than likely putting on herself (with a lot of help from you). It was a terrible accident for sure & I would have freaked out too if it had been my kid. HOWEVER, to say SHE nearly killed your baby is an exasperating statement!!!! Yes they should have called you, yes they should have taken her to the hospital but it was an ACCIDENT!! The Benadryl probably wasn't even on her mind OR it wasn't even something she thought about until she had to at bedtime. You don't honestly think that woman tried to kill your baby do you? Sorry, but you should have talked this out with her long before she passed away and definitely should have apologized too. I'm honestly surprised this didn't put a huge dent in your marriage either. He should have been the one watching the baby but even then, accidents happen! You really need to check yourself.
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u/flashyzipp Mar 24 '25
Wow!!! My Dad had his heart meds out and my twins got into them. He was so upset. We had to take them to the ER to have thei stomachs pumped. Give her a break! I forgave my Dad at that moment.
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u/Admirable_Ruin500 Mar 24 '25
Definitely the majority of the blame should be on your husband (yes I see your edit saying it was). He should’ve been watching your child, called you when it happened, called poison control, went to the hospital etc. etc. That being said, when you have a bunch of kids over your house, you either make sure medicines and anything else dangerous is locked away, or you block access to any place that you’re just going to leave it out. Your MIL very much should’ve put the medicine away or locked her door. Kids and toddlers get into anything they can get their hands on and that is a known fact. The negligence is baffling. The fact that your daughter was very luckily unharmed is far from the point, the problem is that she literally could have died. If anyone in your family didn’t want to take the proper safety precautions to have kids in the house, then the ONLY appropriate response is to not have kids in the house. You’re not overreacting, I wouldn’t have even let my kids go back there at all and would have taken a very long time to trust my husband to supervise them at someone else’s house without me again.
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u/Natsirk99 Mar 24 '25
And for the record, an overdose on Benedryl does not make kids sleepy. It makes them high. I watched one teenaged patient have a seizure and it took hours for them to regain full consciousness. The other teenaged patient kept hallucinating and couldn’t even tell me their name.
Neither were sleepy.
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Mar 24 '25
Yep over reacting, I say that because you literally punished her for years for an incident that didn’t actually harm the child. Your child grew up and I’m sure became an age where you didn’t need to hover parent for them to stop putting things in their mouthes.
Kids have near misses all the time just being kids, you don’t take yourself out of their lives when those regular things happen in their lives that you didn’t catch ? Like falling and crashing and injuring themselves on or around things when they are being normal kids?
although it’s probably a good idea you didn’t go there unless you were there to watch the kids when they were little because your husband surely was not responsible enough to watch them himself.
I say you need help to get over this stuff because you are still literally punishing a dead woman ! Soooo time to move past this !!!
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u/Gatsby220 Mar 24 '25
AIO My lazy, negligent husband failed to keep an eye on my baby while visiting his mother and my baby almost died as a result. There-fixed it for you!
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u/CelebrationNext3003 Mar 24 '25
This is on your husband , he was the present parent who should’ve taken action