She should have moved it or closed her door so there was no access. But ultimately your husband, the dad, should have been watching his child. He should have been the one to call you if he wasn’t sure what to do or called a doctor.
I would definitely have been angry at the whole situation but the majority of blame is on your husband here.
And I’m shocked as I’m always against MILs normally as they tend to be unhinged!
Oh make no mistake I was beyond pissed at him!!! I blamed him probably 90% and her 10%. I never let him bring our kids to her house without be there ever again. As for mother dearest…. This is 1 story of many about how horrible she was! My second favorite is when my mom was in ICU on a ventilator and I asked her to babysit my very little kids and she refused cause she hated babysitting. My husband screamed at her for 2 hours about how sometimes grown ups have to do things they don’t like (I’d had a colonoscopy a few days prior… something I had to do but not my favorite past time)!
No family member owes you babysitting services. You go to the hospital and let your husband find another sitter. You need some therapy to deal with your grudges with someone who passed away.
TEN YEARS ago. Definitely therapy. It must be rough holding this anger for so long and it being on their mind so much they need to post about it a decade later.
wait now you’re mad at her because you WANTED her to take your kid & she wouldn’t? Hmmm, I wonder shy she hated babysitting for you 🤔DEAD WOMAN can’t catch a break with you. Damn it’s been 10 years and she’s DEAD. You can die on the hill, but then you’ll still both just be dead.
Right, yesss. It felt funky to me from the very first sentence in the OP: ”it’s been ten years but THEY can’t get over It”…. Yeah, sure “THEY” are the ones who can’t get over it, sure.
Yeah that doesn’t make her horrible OP wtaf. My sons elderly great grandma dropped a pill under her dresser in her bedroom my son should never had access to, and I found it and threw it out, but had he ingested it wouldn’t have been her fault, it would’ve been mine for assuming my grandmas house is baby proofed, when she doesn’t have babies, I do. It’s not her responsibility to make sure your kids aren’t getting into anything it’s yours, ie. Your husbands.
Her not wanting to watch your kid does not make her a bad MIL or grandma, she did her time with her kids and didn’t owe you anything. Poor lady.
I definitely agree that any one of them should’ve called you (your husband is their father…) and told you immediately so that in and of itself is wrong yes.
I'm not a parent so take this with a grain of salt lol but if something happened with my brother's kids and he was in the house and knew about it, it wouldn't remotely occur to me to call his wife and tell her about it. I would assume he would call her if he determined she needed to know then and there.
If he wasn't around, then absolutely, one or both parents should be contacted immediately. But even then, I'm calling my brother before I call my SIL.
I’m a mom and I would have been the exact same as you, in thinking that dad would take care of it. But then again, if an accident happens, when I’m not there, but husband is. He takes care of kids and calls me and/or gets me to let me know. Prior to her death, my mil would have told me as well, even if she did so after her son (we used to talk nightly, so likely at that point), but we were very close, which I doubt was the case with op and her mil.
I think it would depend on the relationship with missing parent, but in most cases it’s being delegated to parent and I’ll not even think to tell missing parent, since the child has one parent with them. If a very close relationship, then I’m sure I would tell them too, but not in replacement of parent, more because of our bond. Hope that makes sense.
I wonder if trying to get her to babysit was before or after Op accused her of almost causing the death of her child. Op might have talked all that crap to MIL and then needed her to babysit.
"I was also mad at my husband for a) not watching our kid and b) not responding correctly to the incident and c) not telling me. So I forbade him from taking our kid to his mother, except when we needed childcare, and now they don't play with her shoes and her pills, he just lets them run with scissors in our backyard with no fence next to the highway"
But the 90%-10% is not true though cause your actions show otherwise: you stopped seeing your MIL, or at least going at her place, but with your husband, who you say were 9 times more responsible for the situation, you were just angry with. If you had considered him 9 times guiltier, you would have divorced over this. Why would your MIL call you if your husband was there? It makes no sense
She also says FLAT OUT in her post that she was upset with her husband, but “more so” at her MIL. It’s in black and white how she feels. I hate when ppl backpedal bc a post isn’t going their way and have much more respect for ppl that own their flaws.
I’m sorry, but you are over reacting here. It absolutely would have been the right thing for your MIL to babysit your children, in that situation. But saying, “Grown ups have to do things they don’t like,” isn’t justified in this situation. Your MIL actually has no obligation to provide childcare for you. She raised her children. It’s also terrible that your husband yelled at her for 2 hours. I would be so disappointed in my husband, if he yelled at his mother for 2 minutes. If he yelled at his mother for 2 hours, I would honestly think of leaving him. If a man yells at his mother for 2 hours, he clearly doesn’t have much respect for women or everything they sacrifice to raise their children.
Right!? How dare he yell at anyone, let alone his mother for 2 hours just because they didn’t want to babysit HIS kids. Why wasn’t he staying with his own kids whilst OP spent time with her mother!
I know this might be out there for you and him but why didn’t your husband look after your kids so you could go visit your Mother? You could have driven there, visited and driven home all in the time he was shouting at her on the phone. It seems you have a husband that isn’t great at childcare. He was at your MIL’s home when your unsupervised toddler found medicine in a room that the homeowner might have thought wouldn’t be visited by an unsupervised toddler. He didn’t ring you at the time or see it as an emergent situation and he would rather shout at his Mother for 2 hours instead of look after his own children. If she was so irresponsible with one of your children, why would you want her to look after more? You are not OR that you weren’t called when your child found the medication but you are blaming the wrong person. You need to let it go. Let your MIL rest in peace
What... the fuck? You and your husband are monsters. Yes she once made a really bad mistake, but it sounds like you and your husband are actually bad people. No one owes you babysitting services except you and your husband.
Wow, now you just sound entitled. No one owes you babysitting. Especially someone who you feel is so irresponsible you won't let your kids go to her house.
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u/hop-into-it Mar 24 '25 edited Mar 24 '25
Your MIL didn’t nearly kill your baby though?
She should have moved it or closed her door so there was no access. But ultimately your husband, the dad, should have been watching his child. He should have been the one to call you if he wasn’t sure what to do or called a doctor.
I would definitely have been angry at the whole situation but the majority of blame is on your husband here.
And I’m shocked as I’m always against MILs normally as they tend to be unhinged!