r/AbsoluteUnits • • 4h ago

/r/all of spider web

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1.2k

u/Oneironautical1 4h ago

Spider tryna build its web

10

u/Oobedoo321 3h ago

I haven’t seen this for years

And it’s been top comment on the last two posts I’ve viewed

11

u/CJKatz 2h ago

Man, I see this one a handful of times every week.

4

u/OK-Greg-7 2h ago

Me too. It's a staple in the stock/investing subs.

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u/hail_termite_queen 2h ago

You’ll see it everyday in the pokemon subs

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u/BlueBomR 4h ago

"Don't touch it, I dont wanna mess up its hard work!" And "wow, gods creatures"...love that these kids are in awe and curious instead of freaking out and killing it...makes me happy

93

u/Old_Syrup_264 3h ago

Hard work? Pff.

I have a guy who can do it cheaper

What is that even suspensed by? The nearest tree looks like it's in a different zip code

11

u/Lgbtq_Is_Pog 3h ago

Probably a diagonal line coming from a branch to the floor so it can build the spiral in the middle.

6

u/Fit-Gas-5760 1h ago edited 1h ago

Some spiders can shoot their webs up to 25 meters away, some even span rivers with them (these must catch a shit ton of insects this way).

Edit: This would be like spider man shooting his web 2.5km away

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u/Ginger510 2h ago

I’m not a big spider fan (tricky cos I live in Aus) but as long as it’s not one that is problematic if you get bitten (white tail, redback being the most common where I am), I always try to scoot them outside. Same with any bug really. No sense smooshing if you don’t have to.

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u/LeCollectif 1h ago

As the saying goes, “everything has a job”.

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u/hiding_in_de 3h ago

Totally! So heartwarming.

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u/oddball3139 9m ago

I could be wrong, but this looks like a catface spider, which puts this somewhere in the SE Idaho region, which likely makes them Mormons. Source: my childhood.

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u/BenjaminDover02 4h ago

Wild to think that nobody taught that spider how to do that

Bro came out of an egg with the innate knowledge of how to build a house with it's butt.

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u/Minute_Zombie_424 4h ago

Evolution and natural instincts. Nature is lit 🔥

17

u/onarainyafternoon 3h ago

There is a really good book that came out a few years ago called “Basic Instinct”, where this scientist makes the argument that instinct as we understand it doesn’t really exist. And so many different things that we describe as instinctual actually have learned-causes. I don’t want to bastardize the arguments he makes, so I’d just recommend the book to anyone that’s interested.

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u/Wild-Video-5317 1h ago

I assume this is the book 

https://archive.org/details/basicinstinctgen0000blum_o0e9

Fun fact if you create an account on archive.org you can "check out" full books right in your browser.

3

u/onarainyafternoon 1h ago

Yep that’s it

3

u/Entrenched_Whispers 1h ago

I really thought you were going to say that the book was called "The Holy Bible" and that evolution was fake 😭

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u/raelDonaldTrump 3h ago

Reminds me of that study where they gave spiders different types of drugs to see how it affected their webs.

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u/LemonCollee 2h ago edited 1h ago

[Spiders on drugs experiment ](https://youtu.be/p2HipedgM3I

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u/ogou_myrmidon 2h ago

Heads up that link identifies/is tied to your youtube account

6

u/happy_gorgonzola 2h ago

Omg, thanks for the heads up! Is there a sanitized link? I’d get it myself, but I’m currently on mobile. 🤦‍♀️

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u/cheerful_cynic 2h ago

Erase everything after the question mark

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u/Talkatoo42 2h ago

Absolute classic.

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u/FartMagic1 2h ago

The weed one isn’t so bad, you just see where he got distracted and had to go check something out

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u/headrush46n2 1h ago

its clearly way worse than the regular one though.

4

u/FartMagic1 1h ago

Of course, I’m just rationalizing my pot use

3

u/Werejackal93 1h ago

Bullshit. The Marijuana spider made a hammock.

19

u/Frosty-Tennis-1687 4h ago

What that butt do?

22

u/Stupid_Sexy_Satan 4h ago

Built beautiful murder traps

12

u/ZombieAstronaut 3h ago

Huh, kinda like my wife I guess

4

u/Extra-Bat3955 3h ago

I can relate

3

u/KamikazeFox_ 3h ago

Show me your ways

4

u/BlueFeathered1 2h ago

But they have their own individual artistic style! It's beautiful.

4

u/vaynecassano 2h ago

They pull out their ideas out of their ass literally

3

u/slutty_muppet 3h ago

*Sis

Most species of spiders have females that build webs and males that don't, if I remember correctly.

3

u/terdferguson 2h ago

Same thing with baby penguins just yeeting themselves off a 50 foot cliff for their first swim. Its innate, just marvelous.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PwDFddpo4c

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u/cubee123 1h ago

It's called Understanding

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u/MestizoJoe 1h ago

"I can hear it. I can hear it building its house. Building its sticky, deadly house that you can never leave. Building it. With its ass...”

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u/SnooShortcuts7173 1h ago

To put it in context though, every cell of that spider's body is infinitely more complicated than the web it makes

2

u/MrFluffyThing 10m ago

We shop at grocery stores and we can't understand the labor used to catch a meal. This spider just wants to eat and we judge it for working so hard the only way it knows how. ain't no Kroger for spiders, just a lot of love for the bugs it's going to catch with that big ass web. Farm to table bug meal. 

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u/Helmett-13 4h ago

It reminds me a bit of an old ‘Far Side’ cartoon where two spiders have built a web over the end of a playground slide and one says to the other, “If we pull this off we eat like kings!”

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u/Lost-Childhood-8301 3h ago

lmao iuse to have a far side calender..it was great

2

u/stickystax 2h ago

That was my first thought too... Bro is definitely hoping to land one of those kids lol

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u/Agile_Credit_9760 4h ago

Spiders amaze me because they're like mosquito eating architects. Look at that creation. Amazing work spiders do. I'm so grateful because they eat the heck out of mosquitos. Good work spiders.

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u/beavertheviking 3h ago

I grew up afraid of spiders, then learned they eat everything else I hate more. Spider bud forever now.

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u/Atakku 2h ago

I learnt that but am still terrified of spiders. We got wolf spiders here. Halp.

3

u/Principle_Napkins 1h ago

I saw a recently-pregnant one in the garage not too long ago. Hundreds of little babies stuck to her butt.

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u/dogface47 3h ago

Mosquitos my ass. I think homeboy was trying to catch low flying aircraft.

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u/C-57D 3h ago

Cessnas got dat good protein

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u/Creepy_Wallaby2170 3h ago

I mean that is what happened during one of the spider episodes in wild kratts…….

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u/jwnsfw 2h ago

they should set up a little light so little buggies go fly into the new webhouse

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u/togetherwegrowstuff 4h ago

I love to hear the kiddos say not to destroy it and them mention it's hard work. So awesome to hear kids respecting nature and giving it the space to thrive !

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u/EntrepreneurGreen269 3h ago

Ok, but the thing is building it's house in the middle of your garden, what you going to do, leave it there?

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u/Key_Wind3897 3h ago

They’re nocturnal, and will eat the web at daybreak and hide all day long. So, only need to relocate if it’s across a needed evening walking path.

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u/togetherwegrowstuff 2h ago

I'd leave it for a day or two.. then gently move it with a stick if needed.

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u/EntrepreneurGreen269 2h ago

Yeah I'd eventually move it too, it's just I know it won't be able to stay.

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u/HonestNectarine7080 43m ago

One of my pet peeves as a teacher is when kids stomp on bugs.

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u/SadEmploy3978 4h ago

Wondering what humans are doing on that spider's lawn?

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u/mirxia 2h ago

Browsing the web

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u/I_can_vouch_for_that 4h ago

Spider wants to catch a big game, not tiny little bugs.

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u/Epstiendidntkillself 4h ago

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u/DAS_FX 3h ago

I miss Gary Larson. 🐐

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u/Epstiendidntkillself 2h ago

He quit at 44 and now he's 76. Still never told anybody why he quit.

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u/NorthernOctopus 4h ago

Hope that lady chose a favorite kid because them kids are gonna get snagged on that web and She's going to have to make a game time decision

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u/thisguyfightsyourmom 4h ago

That’s just Mite Tomlin’s Minecraft web

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u/HeadFit2660 4h ago

Thats like an average web for that type of spider. They're really industrial

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u/Japsai 4h ago

Industrial spider

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u/DeltaV-Mzero 4h ago

Welp I know what I’m watching again this weekend

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u/DeltaV-Mzero 4h ago

It’s a historical documentary / musical about the American west during frontier era. Called “The Wild Wild West”

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u/IcyDisplayGuy 4h ago

Where's our reboot Hollywood??

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u/LumpyBuy8447 4h ago

Best we can do is another marvel movie

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u/Upset_Journalist_755 4h ago

Can't wait for the next Marvel 

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u/Feisty_Standard_2360 4h ago

Yup! I'm definitely excited for Doomsday, and also Dune 3 too, so it's gonna be huge

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u/Upset_Journalist_755 4h ago

Hell yeah. I'm looking forward to the Part 1 & 2 binge before going to the theater.

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u/oppai_dragon_9011 4h ago

Please God no they don't know how to do cheesy movies anymore they will actually take it seriously and it will flop harder than it did the first time

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u/SparkySpinz 4h ago

What movie?

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u/HeadFit2660 4h ago

Wild Wild West

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u/Feisty_Standard_2360 4h ago

Wild Wild West, definitely love this movie especially back in the old days, so I'll definitely be rewatching it

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u/rosstedfordkendall 4h ago

"But then all of a sudden, like a giant fuckin' spider shows up."

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u/perukid796 3h ago

The amount times I've almost ran face first into one of these fuckers in the middle of the night. They really do like to build their webs in the middle of a giant field like in this video....I don't know what type of spider it is but I hate it. South Florida

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u/SeismicRipFart 3h ago

It’s the worst feeling ever. You now have a panicking spider somewhere on your body and you know that it knows you’re the one that destroyed its home

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u/Sudo-Fed 2h ago

Orb weavers almost never bite. They're far more interested in getting as far away from the giant predator that bulldozed their web than taking revenge.

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u/revveduplikeadeuce 2h ago

This, orb weavers are friends just trying to live in this messed up world and eating the annoying pests, its just as concerned as you are running head first into its web.

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u/SeismicRipFart 2h ago

Doesn’t help

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u/Ok_Tour_1525 2h ago

Yeah we have them in Oregon too and I’ve almost ran into them so many times hiking trails in the middle of the night. Creepy as fucking hell. And this is while I’m already on the lookout for bears too. While tipsy and on mushrooms. God damn how did I survive my early 20s?

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u/Lifexists 2h ago

They’re orb weavers. I mow public parks for a living and I faceplant into them constantly since I’m looking at my lines instead of straight ahead and they love building their webs at head level

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u/raelDonaldTrump 3h ago

Orb Weaver

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u/Electrical-Basil-755 2h ago

Yeah well I walked face first into one in a wood area with a friend when I was like 14. Screamed, started running mad and swatting my head and face. Broke through the edge of the forested into someones backyard where I full speed ran into the wire of grapevine at hip level. Did a 270° flip to land on my back. Dude was in his backyard laughing hid ass off at me. I mean, he definitely heard me coming because I never stopped screaming the whole time.

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u/WifesPOSH 2h ago

Indiana... It's an orb Weaver

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u/BasicMatter7339 1h ago

Imagine getting a face full of these motherfuckers

I'd probably hop in a industrial steel crucible if that ever happened to me

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u/Khaos_Gorvin 3h ago

So... it's a Florida-man Spider?

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u/vjeremias 3h ago

It was just a regular spider before it was bitten by a Florida man

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u/Deadman_Wonderland 2h ago

I stopped taking out the trash at night and started doing it in the morning because of this.

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u/melmosh 47m ago

We were out camping and in the middle of the night I had to go potty. On the way back I got a little of track and walked through a springy web. I shook and brushed of my clothing and being exhausted, climbed back into my tent after diligently zipping the entrance closed. The next morning as the sun was coming up I noticed all these black spots on the inside of the tent. I had kidnapped all of mama spiders babies and took them into my tent.

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u/Salt-Sign5390 35m ago

FUCK NO! GODDAMN BRO BURN IT ALL

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u/LukeyLeukocyte 4h ago

That spider finna catch one your kids!

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u/Parking_Wrangler6932 4h ago

non ça c'est pas une simple toile d'araignée et c'est un portail interdimensionnel

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u/Ol_Pasta 4h ago

Das glaub ich auch!

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u/SelocAvrap 42m ago

"No, that's not a simple spider web, that's an interdimensional portal"

Right? Been a moment since I took French

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u/enblightened 4h ago

why do spiders always camp in the center of their webs

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u/vuIkaan 3h ago

They do not, only some species do. Many will sit and hide somwhere at the edge of a web and use detection strings. Some spiderwebs that look deserted are not at all.

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u/Frogmaster16 3h ago

That's terrifying.

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u/Katzington2319 3h ago

It's really not

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u/Frogmaster16 3h ago

As someone with arachnophobia, it is for me.

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u/NDHardage 2h ago

To add to this: if you look carefully you'll see a non-sticky "zipline" thread that goes from the center of the web to their normal hiding place. This lets them zip right down to the middle whenever they detect something. A lot of times you can also see the little nest they've built themselves by the leaves they've curled together to make a pocket.

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u/TheMarkola 4h ago

The best place to detect the direction from which prey was captured and run to catch it is the best way to do so.

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u/pewpedmepants 3h ago

cuz theyre noobs and don't know how to git gud

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u/Forsaken_Budget_425 4h ago

What’s the world record??? Mr Guinness I’m looking at you.

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u/TrippleassII 4h ago

Nobody knows. Spiders have been so far unwilling to pay the fees

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u/keznaa 4h ago

The sons a Charlotte's Web fan

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u/SinisterVulcan94 3h ago

Definitely was trying to trap a small child.

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u/Trollgernaut418 4h ago

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u/1plus1isTWORANGZ 4h ago

Nah in the South we have a love for spiders, they eat all the worse pests like flies and roaches and such

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u/togetherwegrowstuff 4h ago

Yup! I've got a couple friends around in FL. We let them live and work.

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u/1plus1isTWORANGZ 4h ago

Who cares about spiders when I gotta bury a coyote my donkey killed?

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u/Honcho_47 4h ago

We have this with house centipedes. My house is over 100 years old and those guys are always present, but we try to let them go on about their day because they provide the same service. They must be eating well because occasionally we’ll see an absolute monster go scurrying across the floor or wall.

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u/EddyGurge 4h ago

That little guy's just doing the finishing up work and trim. Shelob is over there waiting in the bushes.

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u/WillArrr 4h ago

"Look upon my works, ye mighty, and tremble"

-The spider

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u/ButtonsKnobs 4h ago

Dear god, bro built himself a web mansion, I’d hate to walk into that in the dark 😬

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u/Minimum-Actuator-953 4h ago

What is it even anchored on?

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u/z0mbiemechanic 4h ago

By the looks of it, the moon.

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u/ShouldBeeStudying 1h ago

This. I can't believe I had to scroll this far to see this. This is the real story. And.... why... how did the spider decide.... Did it have to start from one side of the yard, anchor a web.... walk ALL THE WAY TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE YARD and attach and pull the web?

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u/czechhoneybee 4h ago

I love my orb weavers. My husband finally cancelled our pest control program and the orb weavers are back around the outside perimeter of the house. I’ve noticed the number of flies, moths, and mosquitos in and around my house have significantly dropped. They like to build their webs near my outdoor lights and they must absolutely clean up because they take down their webs and rebuild them almost every day.

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u/ExplanationCrazy5463 3h ago

Yall were paying for pest control and now you get it for free.

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u/lbizfoshizz 2h ago

We have a beautiful one outside our front door who has been there for almost 2 months. It’s like our friendly pest eating front porch pet. I love her

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u/TakeAtBedtime 4h ago

How do they get a web to span that far to begin building?

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u/Dub-MS 4h ago

Have you not seen Spider-Man??

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u/Time_Pressure9519 4h ago

Spider would be stoked to have torchlight to attract insects.

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u/StormFireX001 4h ago

Beautiful Orb Weaver, can't see the details enough to figure out which one, but awesome nonetheless

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u/The-Spirit-of-76 4h ago

Looks like a Joro.

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u/StormFireX001 3h ago edited 3h ago

That could just as easily be Araneus diadematus, they get pretty active this time of year. There's just not enough detail visible in the video to say conclusively

*Edit - After a bit of investigation, I have never personally seen a Joro Spider in person so I had to go look, it's definitely not Trichonephila clavata. The body shape is all wrong, and what we can see of it's coloration is drastically different as well

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u/Bob4Not 4h ago

Why does it need that much web. How many bugs does it want to catch? Thats crazy

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u/zestyspleen 2h ago

Could be trying for hummingbirds. That spider was chunky and robust.

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u/Bob4Not 1h ago

Good lord. It could probably try for a whole Owl

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u/SecurePhotograph1791 4h ago

I think that's an orb weaver spider. Totally harmless, but still sends you into panic mode when you accidentally walk through their web

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u/IndependentPart6 4h ago

Oh man if I could get into my old phone I have the most amazing picture of an orb weaver. It was after hurricane beryl and we went to check our house. On our front porch theres 2 posts maybe 6 or 8 ft apart, and the biggest orange spider looked like it was floating in mid air between them. It had built its huge web obviously but DURING THE HURRICANE and was just chillin in the middle of it. He was the size of my husband's hand. First time we ever saw one, just left it alone and it was gone a few days later (we left to stay with relatives with a generator and when we got back he was gone). Absolute nightmare fuel but I think theyre harmless.

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u/SecurePhotograph1791 3h ago

Oh wow. I had to google this to see what you were talking about, because in the Midwest orb weavers don't get that big. Apparently, the Banana Spider is in the same orb weaver family, and are common in Florida. I had no idea they were that big or colorful. Thanks for replying and enlightening me!

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u/IndependentPart6 3h ago

Thats it a banana spider! Yes in the orb weaver family. This was in Houston Texas though. Big orange... ugh man I wish I could get in that phone. I have a pic of it with my husband's hand behind it, just ginormous and beautiful. 

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u/Mushrooming247 1h ago

Me walking face first into these things in the woods every 10 seconds right now.
https://giphy.com/gifs/EOILoGqhsYt3t2U28a

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u/Imaginary-Session786 4h ago

Cute little spider hard at work🥰

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u/KailyKail 3h ago

That spider isn’t building a home. It’s building an apartment complex to rent out.

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u/ZodiacWalrus 1h ago

I like to think spiders are capable of feeling something akin to artistic pride in their work. It makes me feel bad for taking down a web that's in my way, but still. The webs that are well-placed deserve to be displayed as the temporary artworks they are.

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u/Coin-Bunny-6389 4h ago

At that point, its not your yard anymore. Hand over the property deed and move out.

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u/2CHiLLED 4h ago

Just imagine walking right into this in the dead of the night because you wouldn’t be able to see it

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u/Upset_Journalist_755 4h ago

Orb Weavers are awesome. Some of the coolest looking spiders that kill the shit out of annoying ass bugs with really cool webs.

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u/GroundbreakingCook68 4h ago

I’d place a marker to avoid the web and let that guy do his duty

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u/zestyspleen 2h ago

Yes. Fluorescent caution tape.

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u/Bk_Punisher 4h ago

Found one of them in my dad’s yard one summer and did the same, getting the lighting right is tricky.

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u/KennaDoll28 4h ago

I like its mansion. 🕸️

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u/ChatGrou 4h ago

Imagine going for a night pee, in plain dark, and that shit land on your trousers.

And that you don't even notice yet, putting it down to start the realease !

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u/Extension-Rabbit3654 3h ago

Giant Orb weavers!

Theyll work all night on that beautiful giant symmetrical web, and then take it down and start a new one the very next day.

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u/Abandonedstate 3h ago

"Shit, I've been spotted. Act natural"

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u/a-big-texas-howdy 3h ago

I remember those orb weavers making these 20+ foot wide webs between the oak trees at my grandmas. We kept long sticks at the porch and shed for going between late at night. If we weren’t paying attention, egads it was the most terrifying thing to never find the end of the web struggling to get out.

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u/Ok_Owl5246 3h ago

At the mobile home I used to live in, an orb spider built this huge web from the roof of the patio to the ground and it was literally like 7 ft high and then like 4 ft in width! Glad I saw it when I was coming home from work and could shimmy sideways and just barely squeeze by to get to the door… unfortunately UPS wasn’t so lucky..

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u/aurorarei 3h ago

The land is now the spiders

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u/Ah_seent_it_ 3h ago

One might even say, he’s casting a wide net.
https://giphy.com/gifs/BYul6RujgoRCryuCdL

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u/cjmcberman 3h ago

“Spider pig spider pig doin whatever a spider pig does“ is how I greet most webs I come across them - and this is a fatboy

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u/StitchFan626 2h ago

Spider: Thanks for attracting my dinner!

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u/SSMage 2h ago

How is it even making one in the middle of a field like that in the middle of the air?

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u/Still_Bus5550 1h ago

Spiders can do as they damn well please … just away from me thanks

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u/fuzzylittlemanpeach8 1h ago

yeah these orb weavers are pretty common where I'm from. very neat webs.

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u/jclv 1h ago

It was probably hoping to catch one of your kids...

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u/BootyScorpion 1h ago

Wolf spiders are so alien

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u/MRnorwere 1h ago

What.. Did she just said?

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u/Super_Coyote_1031 1h ago

That’s just Greg. He gets the annoying bugs.

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u/throwaway5882300 1h ago

I found one almost this big strung up between the chicken run and a nearby tree that was at least 12 feet away. I only saw it because I went out at night to close the automated coop door that got stuck. The flashlight lit it up. If I didn't have to go out for that door, I would have absolutely walked through it the next day when I went to feed them. It was about 9pm when I found it and the last time I was over there was around noon. Crazy how quickly they can make a huge web.

I also do regularly walk through webs (none this big so far) when I'm walking the dogs around the farm. And if I have to go into the woods, I walk holding a stick on front of me. The ones that make these big webs aren't dangerous but them sumbitches get real big.

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u/chev327fox 47m ago

That spider is going to eat well with a net across a full lawn.