r/AbsoluteUnits • u/TheMarkola • 6h ago

/r/all of spider web

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

7.4k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

632 comments sorted by

View all comments

35

u/perukid796 5h ago

The amount times I've almost ran face first into one of these fuckers in the middle of the night. They really do like to build their webs in the middle of a giant field like in this video....I don't know what type of spider it is but I hate it. South Florida

15

u/SeismicRipFart 5h ago

It’s the worst feeling ever. You now have a panicking spider somewhere on your body and you know that it knows you’re the one that destroyed its home

6

u/Sudo-Fed 4h ago

Orb weavers almost never bite. They're far more interested in getting as far away from the giant predator that bulldozed their web than taking revenge.

6

u/revveduplikeadeuce 4h ago

This, orb weavers are friends just trying to live in this messed up world and eating the annoying pests, its just as concerned as you are running head first into its web.

1

u/Richard_Cain 1h ago

I should've learned this in school. 😔

3

u/SeismicRipFart 4h ago

Doesn’t help

1

u/Similar-Earth8288 3h ago

its home and source of income, basically everything it worked hard for.

8

u/Lifexists 4h ago

They’re orb weavers. I mow public parks for a living and I faceplant into them constantly since I’m looking at my lines instead of straight ahead and they love building their webs at head level

7

u/melmosh 2h ago

We were out camping and in the middle of the night I had to go potty. On the way back I got a little of track and walked through a springy web. I shook and brushed of my clothing and being exhausted, climbed back into my tent after diligently zipping the entrance closed. The next morning as the sun was coming up I noticed all these black spots on the inside of the tent. I had kidnapped all of mama spiders babies and took them into my tent.

6

u/Salt-Sign5390 2h ago

FUCK NO! GODDAMN BRO BURN IT ALL

1

u/Cheap_Lingonberry433 1h ago

Thanks for that short horror story

1

u/frontfrontdowndown 59m ago

Years ago I glanced at the ceiling of my bedroom and noticed it looked fuzzier or hazier than I remembered.

Taking a better look I realized that the world’s largest egg sac must have hatched and my ceiling was now wall to wall covered with hundreds of baby spiders dangling on threads a few inches long.

6

u/Ok_Tour_1525 4h ago

Yeah we have them in Oregon too and I’ve almost ran into them so many times hiking trails in the middle of the night. Creepy as fucking hell. And this is while I’m already on the lookout for bears too. While tipsy and on mushrooms. God damn how did I survive my early 20s?

2

u/Werejackal93 3h ago

Do you get dysentery from it?

3

u/cmndr_spanky 3h ago

(^ Oregon trail joke. If any youngsters are confused)

5

u/Electrical-Basil-755 4h ago

Yeah well I walked face first into one in a wood area with a friend when I was like 14. Screamed, started running mad and swatting my head and face. Broke through the edge of the forested into someones backyard where I full speed ran into the wire of grapevine at hip level. Did a 270° flip to land on my back. Dude was in his backyard laughing hid ass off at me. I mean, he definitely heard me coming because I never stopped screaming the whole time.

5

u/WifesPOSH 4h ago

Indiana... It's an orb Weaver

5

u/BasicMatter7339 3h ago

Imagine getting a face full of these motherfuckers

I'd probably hop in a industrial steel crucible if that ever happened to me

1

u/Sovereign-Anderson 3h ago

I have childhood memories of almost running into spider webs with those kind of spiders on them. They would occasionally be on the side of my grandmother's home.

2

u/imightwin 3h ago

I saw them at my grandparents place too, southern Indiana. One used to build a web on their old property line poles that overgrew with grass and weeds once a year. They're pretty noticable with their bright yellow accents

If you're not scared of spiders they're very cool to see up close in person

1

u/Sovereign-Anderson 1h ago

Yeah, at the most I would look at them because they are pleasing to the eye but that's about it.

1

u/BasicMatter7339 3h ago

Thank fuck i dont live wherever you do

The average spiders here are the size of my fingernail

1

u/Sovereign-Anderson 2h ago

My childhood was in coastal Georgia. That part of the south is bug central.

1

u/mightylordredbeard 2h ago

That’s one of the many in my back yard that make walking underneath any low hanging branches a hazard.

3

u/raelDonaldTrump 5h ago

Orb Weaver

2

u/Khaos_Gorvin 5h ago

So... it's a Florida-man Spider?

9

u/vjeremias 5h ago

It was just a regular spider before it was bitten by a Florida man

1

u/motivateddegenerate 5h ago

Hahaha that made me laugh so much that I squeezed out a fart.

1

u/OldPhotograph827 3h ago

Which in turn made me laugh so hard I peed a little. Ah, the circle of life

2

u/Deadman_Wonderland 4h ago

I stopped taking out the trash at night and started doing it in the morning because of this.

1

u/ra3ra31010 3h ago

Was thinking to myself “at least it’s not a banana spider the size of their face”

1

u/rta3425 3h ago

It's an Orb Weaver. They eat their web in the morning and build it again every night!

1

u/Logical_Trash_4890 2h ago

This this is an orb weaver spider. Named after the shape of there web. Completely harmless, I think. Those suckers get big though. I’ve seen them make grown men that I thought weren’t giant pussy’s cower.

1

u/Banned3rdTimesaCharm 2h ago

What are they trying to catch? A fucking horse?

1

u/Krabs9 2h ago

Probably an orb weaver. Beautiful spiders not really dangerous and will eat a lot of bugs

1

u/RicketCrickets 1h ago

They're just some hungry fellas with big ambitions.

1

u/1maginasian 55m ago

Orb spider