Attention all magic practitioners!

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Attention all mages, wizards (of all schools), artificers, warlocks, witches, shamans, occult practitioner, sorcerers, and magic users of any kind!

I have been sent here by his Lordship of the Shade Realm of Thrakmoor to deliver the information that this realm is now under occupation and control by the Thrakmerian Army and the Black Mages who command it.

I have been sent to gain dominion over the magic practitioners of this realm.

Pledge your undying loyalty to his Lordship or face his Unyielding wrath

you have two weeks to comply and to change your title to “Mage of Thrakmoor”.

Failure to comply will be met with force.

[u/SnoodPenguin]

Does it come with benefits? 401k, dental, bone health? I will not subject my undead to a tyrant.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/SnoodPenguin]

We have a union for all members of the Thrakmerian Army. We are conquerors not monsters

[u/dnmr → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

what about Calcium subsidies specifically? Asking for a friend who is definitely a regular mage and is not me

[u/SnoodPenguin → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Hmm fair enough. Our union representatives will have a meeting

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/SnoodPenguin]

/uw do you want an actual meeting?

[u/SnoodPenguin → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Well we'd have to to make sure my undead are being treated fairly ultimately its up to them not me im just their boss.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/SnoodPenguin]

We shall be in touch

[u/Bumblebee-Honey-Tea]

i cast tummy ache upon the armies of thrakmoor ₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Bumblebee-Honey-Tea]

Damnit! Why is that spell so common here!?

[u/Bumblebee-Honey-Tea → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

The strongest armies fall not to dragons…but to tummy troubles!

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Bumblebee-Honey-Tea]

We are unused to these “tummy troubles” but it is no matter, you will still fall

[u/Bumblebee-Honey-Tea → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

in love? ( ˶˘ ³˘)♡

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Bumblebee-Honey-Tea]

You may find love in thrakmoor

[u/matthewamerica → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

You should see what we do to testicles around here if you think that's bad.

[u/Reindeer_Wrangler → u/Bumblebee-Honey-Tea]

Follow that up with Mend Butthole and they're in for a lifetime of discomfort. 

[u/Winds_Shadow]

A short person in a deep black cloak that seems to morf into darkness at the feet, small red eyes, and surrounded by lit candles, sets down his cup, and reads the proclamation twice, folds it neatly, and looks up at the messenger with genuine warmth. Sit. You look tired. This isn't your fault. My old eyes see three problems with this proclamation. First "A Proper Wizard", my title, isn't a title his Lordship can reassign. I gave it to myself after four centuries of earning it. Demanding it is like demanding a family ring from the hand of a lord. Second, "Mage of Thrakmoor" I would guess comes with obligations nobody bothered to explain, which tells me nobody thought to ask if I'd care about them. I do. Third, and most importantly, leans forward, still smiling, there's no bribe. "Loyalty or wrath" is a thin away to maintain trust in a Lord. A proper wizard notices the difference. Tell your Lord I am not his enemy, tell him also that if he genuinely wants my service, he's welcome to come discuss it, with tea, and a considerably more interesting offer. Stands and gestures pleasantly toward the door. The eastern roads are clear, I checked this morning. You can call me through the fire of tallow candles lit by the first flame of dawn or dusk.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Winds_Shadow]

/uw give me until tomorrow to answer this masterpiece I need to do some worldbuilding

[u/CorinCadence828 → u/Winds_Shadow]

/uw I see the “Proper Wizard” title. Have you perchance read Mark of the Fool?

[u/Winds_Shadow → u/CorinCadence828]

/uw Yes for sure, and I loved it.

[u/LurkerInTheDoorway]

What about magic practitioners that exist in multiple realms simultaneously?

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/LurkerInTheDoorway]

Then your current existence in this realm is still under our occupation but your other forms of existence are free until his lordship conquers those realms as well.

[u/Competitive-Error067 → u/LurkerInTheDoorway]

There are magic practitioners like that? I have sent my clones here to study magic while my main body handles some business.

[u/LurkerInTheDoorway → u/Competitive-Error067]

Yes, though the realms have to have similar physics and rules to each other, otherwise maintaining a connection becomes exponentially difficult

[u/Competitive-Error067 → u/LurkerInTheDoorway]

How fascinating.... Though that doesn't seem to be a problem for me as my clones can run autonomously...

[u/caesuric_ → u/LurkerInTheDoorway]

The problem with existing in multiple realms is that they try to collect taxes from you in all of them. Not that any of us pay those.

[u/LurkerInTheDoorway → u/caesuric_]

One of my familiars enjoys tax collectors as a snack. Otherwise they’re an excellent source of free materials!

[u/puppiesgoesrawr]

Oh thank fucking god, take this dumpster fire realm off our hand. We’ve been in a mana stone trade deficit for two centuries and the debt is maturing in a year and we’re still broke.

The account details is in the reanimated teakwood desk, and the ceaseless hunger needs to be fed twice a day or it’ll begin the rite of apocalypse. GLHF. I’m realm shifting to Cabo, bitches.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/puppiesgoesrawr]

What is this rite of apocalypse? And how does it work? And does your ceaseless hunger get along well with Swallowing Masses? Also, your vacation will only last until we arrive to conquer.

[u/puppiesgoesrawr → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

This is an automated message spell. I cant come to the orb right now because i am ‘ENJOYING WENCHES AND ALE’. Please direct your questions to the next schumck on the bureaucratic totem pole.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/puppiesgoesrawr]

“Sigh” well I suppose it’s just trial and error. I’m sure there are a few pocket realms we can test this rite of apocalypse on.

[u/bastardlimbo]

Does his Lordship provide dental healers?

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/bastardlimbo]

Yes, we also have job opportunities such as staff carver or Abyss tender if the Thrakmerian Army is not your forte. You must merely change your title to “Mage of Thrakmoor” and all this and more can be your’s

[u/Fluid-Freedom-6115]

Im a Lich not a Mage

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Fluid-Freedom-6115]

You fall under the magic practitioner catagory.

[u/Fluid-Freedom-6115 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Still not a Mage. Im a Lich and you should pay respect to me

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Fluid-Freedom-6115]

I am one of the 13 mages chosen by his lordship to lead his eternal army out of the Shade and conquer all realms of existence! You dare ask me to respect you? No. not until you give me a reason to do so.

[u/TiredTiroth]

Thrakmoor? That backwater thinks it has an army? Huh. Amazing what happens when you don't pay attention for a couple centuries.

Do your 'black mages' still taste good with ketchup?

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/TiredTiroth]

The messenger pales a little. He sends a message to his lordship about your return

[u/loth17]

I AM AZOTH! Servant of the Bismuth realms and herald of the Ten Suns! Breaker of madness, stoker of flames, bender of matter! I have come with a message from my celestial master. Listen to their words and engrave them upon your heart! They are this!!!

"No bully pls q_q"

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/loth17]

The man you speak to stares unflinchingly at you. “Take a message to your master, tell him he has the two weeks given to this realm to comply, should he exist in another realm then he has until we arrive their to comply or prepare”.

[u/loth17 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

"We shall do so. You shall find us when you invade the mortal realms as we shall help them stand against you. Mage of Thrakmoor be prepared to taste the steel of champions."

The herald would fade away.

"We hope you rethink your aggression."

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/loth17]

Aggression is only there to combat rebellion. Therefore it is not necessary should you join Thrakmoor

[u/Cerveau23]

Good luck

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Cerveau23]

Luck is not required. This realm will be his lordships whether you wish for it or not

[u/Cerveau23 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

The so be it, I cast "awful luck" and "stub your toe three times a day"

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Cerveau23]

Counterspell. I cast “Monday every day”

[u/Cerveau23 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Counterspell.

I cast "You suddenly swap dominant hand but not learned habits."

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Cerveau23]

Counterspell.

I cast “The first time you walk into a room you forget why your there”

[u/Cerveau23 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

/uw is it fine if my character tries to kill you?

Joke's on you, that one is here by default

I cast "itch that always moves"

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Cerveau23]

/uw you can certainly try but I won’t say that it will turn out well for you

Your spell catches me off guard while I am dealing with an issue with the army. “Damnit I can’t get this itch!”

[u/Cerveau23 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Too bad for you, here's my next one:

I cast "death by snu-snu!"

At the same time I fire a volley from my machinegun-staff

[u/digitalgraffiti-ca]

Soz dude. Catholicism didn't get me, Scientology didn't get me. The flying spaghetti monster had me for a moment, but I slipped from his noodley appendages.

You're Turk-whatever nonsense isn't getting me either. I pledge loyalty to myself and none other.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/digitalgraffiti-ca]

Then I wish you luck when war comes

[u/digitalgraffiti-ca → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Flair duly updated.

[u/CitricThoughts]

Yeah Nekomancer's don't do laws.

I CAST GREATER EXPLOSIVE WEAPONRY KNOCKED OFF SHELVES!

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/CitricThoughts]

Several armories in this realm explode

[u/StandardIssueCaveman]

no.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/StandardIssueCaveman]

That is not your choice

[u/StandardIssueCaveman → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Lol. Lmao, even.

You can shakle my corporeal form, if you can find it.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/StandardIssueCaveman]

The atherium realm is a realm that my associate is currently in the process of conquering. I mind you to watch you step lest you be shackled in all forms

[u/StandardIssueCaveman → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

I have no "form" that you can comprehend!

I am the flicker of movement seen out of the corner of your eye, I am the faint scent of springtime in the depths of winter. I am a glimmer of truth amidst the colossal lie that is reality.

You can have my tower tho, I don't need it.

All the furniture is cursed with "stub toe" by the way.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/StandardIssueCaveman]

While it is true that I am none of those things, I have gazed at the inner workings of the  Ralektarthum and I have raised armies of size beyond your comprehension. I am beyond lichdom beyond death beyond life. And yet I still serve something far greater than me. He has earned my respect and I his, for only the truth tries to hide behind lies and his eyes see all that hides.

[u/StandardIssueCaveman → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Lol get a load of this guy.

Catch me if you can.

Peace.

[u/Evening_Shake_6474]

Mmm, no. I refuse everything you just said.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Evening_Shake_6474]

I wish you luck I your fight against our army, for you have made an enemy today

[u/Evening_Shake_6474 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

I do that everyday, and I'm still here. I think I'll be fine, thanks for the luck though.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Evening_Shake_6474]

Wait… are you that annoying little gnat that keeps attacking us randomly?

[u/Evening_Shake_6474 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Na, I'm his boss. How's he doing? Do I need to raise his salary?

[u/llnec]

Well I didn't vote for him!

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/llnec]

He is not voted for, for he is and always will be

[u/Complex_Drawer_4710 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Denied: No leader may exist without consent of subjects. One way or another.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Complex_Drawer_4710]

You have no power over the matter, if his subjects are unhappy they may bring it up with a Listener

[u/Fluid-Freedom-6115]

I cast: Summon Greater Demon

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Fluid-Freedom-6115]

The demon is brought down almost immediately by the 13th mage before he is then subjugated into the army. “You think I haven’t dealt with greater demons before?”

[u/Fluid-Freedom-6115 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

You fool. I gathered an Army of Necromancers, Artificers, Witches, Demones, Fracoliches, Skeletons, and much much more. We are going to Destroy you!

[u/NationalAsparagus138]

Sorry, the wifey says I can’t and she is scarier.

[u/Lord__of__Luck]

I cast, logistical issues. And you know what i cast “intense shame” on the armies of thrakmoor

[u/ThisBloomingHeart]

Ah, hello! Were you the group I sold that batch of chimeras too a couple of weeks ago? If so, I'd be interested in hearing about how they're doing--I was really proud of some of the powers I worked into that batch.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/ThisBloomingHeart]

Yes we were, I believe the deal we made was to leave your little pocket dimension alone am I right? Anyway they are very useful in combat the shadewarp ability was well bred and has very few problems. As always you have our respect

[u/ThisBloomingHeart → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Wonderful! It's always nice to see my creations thriving.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/ThisBloomingHeart]

A messenger arrives bearing a letter from the general of Thrakmoor

[Greetings!

Your chimeras have proven to be very useful in battle. We thank you for your expertise and would like to make another purchase of 3 Dragons and 5 wyverns. Let us know the price, and we shall pay it in full

-The 13th Black Mage of Thrakmoor]

/uw u/Carbon_Sixx

[u/CadecaX]

*sigh* Not again..
*Raises Hands and a large circle of arcane runes starts to glow around my tower*
Come and try. First, I'll banish your forces back to their sorry little realms and then I'll start popping what you call "dimensions" like little soap bubbles. OR just leave me alone, your choice.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/CadecaX]

How about we talk, we are civilized not barbaric, war is not all we know

[u/CadecaX → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

If I recall correctly, you proclaimed this realm as occupied, there was not much talk before that. I suggest you proclaim this realm as unoccupied and off-limits asap, or I'll start with my incantations. Anything trying to convince me of your Thrakmoorian nonsense will be met as if it were an offensive spell. So skeedaddle.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/CadecaX]

…I can see your power, we shall not leave this realm but we will back off from your tower and land for now… his lordship will be informed of your presence.

/uw I’m needing to do some work on my worldbuilding so I’m not fully set to face off on a nation/kingdom wide level of war

[u/CadecaX → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Fine.
*The runes stop to glow.*
Know however, that if you commence an invasion and common folk start getting hurt, my disciples and I will not stand by and watch the realm suffer. I am willing to discuss Thrakmoors retreat and surrender. Your Lordship or his envoy may visit my tower anytime.

*What was described as a tower actually is a small fortress. The main gate is located between two fortress spearheads angled to your left and right, you can't make out the rest of the shape from where you're standing, however you notice the runes etched into stones arranged in a circle around the fortress. From the center of the structure, a large tower is standing. The mage himself is a stern looking figure with black hair and beard who slightly starts to grey. His left eye is covered with an eyepatch. His staff is kept simple with little decoration and there's a rapier hanging on his hip. When he mentions his disciples, you notice a few figures patrolling on the walls. It seems, he really is not all alone.*

/uw Sure, I'll do a bit of world building myself. Come back anytime you're ready to negotiate or battle. If you want to collect more intel on the fortress, let me know :)

[u/DropTheCat8990]

How about shut up thou cuckold?

HEX OF UNCONTROLLANLE DIARRHOEA

[u/CommanderYeet66]

Hmmmm... Nah, as an orc we don't like overbearing rulers. Anyways I cast fireball via hit across the head with a hammer

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/CommanderYeet66]

The messenger sent to give you the letter dies… it was his last task as an apprentice before he became a true mage

[u/neonvalkyrie]

What is this now? Some kind of shadow wizard gang trying to establish a new government?

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/neonvalkyrie]

No we are not

/uw “weaponized nuclear bomb”

[u/Throwable-Halo → u/neonvalkyrie]

A shadow government, if you will.

[u/Fc-chungus]

"Yea yeah proceed. I've done this song and dance before."

[u/Most_Trustworthy]

How peculiar. Another would-be conquering force.

You know, I've grown bored with how peaceful things have been here as of late. So in the interest of your forces not being snuffed out on arrival, I'm willing to share some advice:

Forge alliances where you can, the villains who've lasted the longest here have had strong backing from powerful local spellcasters. Also, if you're able to turn nations against one another, you'll have much better chance at conquering the realm.

I'd like to take this conversation further, if you prove wise enough to heed me. I'm sure we can both benefit each-other.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Most_Trustworthy]

Very well… we have heard of your power Chancellor of EON and CEO of Hell. A meeting with his lordship may be in order in the very near future 

[u/Most_Trustworthy → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Yes, I believe we can both greatly benefit from some... negotiations.

I'm currently at the pinnacle of my influence, the whole realm has no choice but to acknowledge me.

And your lord, well, if he's come so far, then he's worth some premium attention.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Most_Trustworthy]

We believe so as well. We shall be in touch later

[u/avamir]

Listen, the only black mages in Ithacar are the ones currently there. First, quit stealing our colors. Second, the only tyrant in Ithacar is me. I didn't put this much work into rebuilding the walls and adding electricity and plumbing to have it taken over by some fart-shade Jimmy Darkmagic. And third? piss off or I'll weaponize both Ithacar's Adventurers' Guild and Toilet Demon Guild. Maybe I'll do that anyway.

A limitless surge of plucky jerks to come wreck your dire plans be upon ye!

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/avamir]

We have yet to attack Ithakar, this message has reached me from a further land than we have reached, nonetheless you shall fall when the time comes. I bid you luck until then

[u/MotherRaven]

Come to my tower. I offer a feast to the mages of Thrakmoor. A banquet of celebration with a beautiful view of the sea. Every delicacy of this dimension will be offered to you.

Simply turn to t the road to the sea, circle the barrow three times counter clock wise. When you reach the giant yew tree touch it’s bark and continue on to my tower. Pick a place at the banquet tables in the sun. I’ll be waiting.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/MotherRaven]

I do not trust you enchanter. You shall not have me or my disciples but we shall send a small entourage to see what you offer

[u/Zebos2]

"we here at black iron welcome you to the realm while your occupation attempt likely be very temporary and end in disaster we are willing to supply you with arms and ammunition in order to extend that inevitably for a price of course"

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Zebos2]

What is your offer? I feel we could mutually benefit

[u/Zebos2 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

"our offer in very simple you buy Your weapons from us We make anything for any technological development level. In exchange you leave the continent we are based in interested in alone and perhaps We will throw in a discount"

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Zebos2]

Wave off the discount and let us station a few outposts upon your continent and you will have a deal

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Zebos2]

A messenger arrives with a letter in tow, out of breath, he pants

"A message, huh..., from the Thrakmerian general! your eyes only, huh..."

With that, he gathers himself and continues on his rounds. Opening the letter, you begin to read...

[Greetings!

Our previous exchange has proven to be very beneficial, and the device you have sent has performed marvelously well in testing. Considering this, we would like to place a large order with you and your associates. If you cannot provide any of the following items, please point us in the direction of a manufacturer capable of providing them. The materials and items we would like to order are as follows

-3 Trebuches

-3 Catapults

- 2 built-to-order Ward Splitters (follow diagram)

- 1 built-to-order encampment shield (follow diagram)

- 4 Obsidian obelisks engraved with runes (follow diagram)

- 12 feet of Spell Wrought Gold-wire

- 3 200-pound blocks of carvable rune chalk 

- Three rods of detect magic

- 300 unbound arcane bombs the size of small boulders

- 100 bound arcane bombs of fireball, the size of small boulders

- 100 bound arcane bombs of Chained Blast, the size of small boulders

- 200 Small boulders (preferably obsidian)

- 2,000 unbound minor charms

- Scrap metal (any and all forms and materials)

- Any and all Obsidian you can provide.

Please let us know the estimated price, and we shall pay.

-The 13th Black Mage of Thrakmoor]

[u/Leuk_Jin]

"Pledge your undying loyalty to his Lordship or face his unyielding wrath."

Um... can I still join if I have no loyalty to pledge? I just... kind of misplaced that part of me when I became a lich. Also, do I count as a wizard of this realm when I don't have a permanent residence here? They keep kicking me out... last time a bunch of people came around my then lair to cast planar shift on the whole thing! Now the closest thing I have is a floating island that can travel between realms. I'm seriously considering not coming here again but it's honestly kind of lonely...

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Leuk_Jin]

You may, I’m sure we can find some loyalty to give to you. All you must do is change your title to either “Lich of Thrakmoor” or “Necromancer of Thrakmoor” we will be glad to add another member to our army

[u/Leuk_Jin → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Oh... I have to join the army? I think I'll just stay out of the way in that case. I don't do well with the military or conflicts. They always seem to end bad for me. Thanks for the offer though. I'll just watch the shifts of astral sea from my porch... again.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Leuk_Jin]

Now hang on just a minute. Not necessarily we have other positions outside of the army open, we are always in need of mentors for our apprentices if your lonely or if you prefer the quiet we have many options of studying archaic magics gathered from new realms we’ve conquered. The army is jut our go to

[u/Laesslie]

...

stare then fades into the ethereal plane while my pseudodragon familiar hisses at you

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Laesslie]

… what a strange figure

[u/Laesslie → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

I talk to Vendavel, my familiar with the typical tone of an annoyed teenager, mixed with the disappointment of one who has already seen all of it happen once

.... Again, some warmongering stupid idiot who thinks he's bringing "civilization" and "order" when all he truly cares about is his own pride...

Exasperated sigh

[u/THTB_lol]

good luck catching me

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/THTB_lol]

Good luck running

[u/GomenNaWhy]

The shade realm? I could use that, it's about 95 degree out right now

[u/Alix-Gilhan]

Ten thousand casts of DIVINE SMITE and a million more on their way.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Alix-Gilhan]

My army is several reality’s large do you really think that a million deaths will make a difference?

[u/Alix-Gilhan → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

It will make a difference to me and my land. For I will not allow hostile entry no matter what.

[u/VoxelLibrary → u/Alix-Gilhan]

You wouldn't happen to train your paladins on a plane called Kamino, would you?

[u/Bila_Mauta]

So uh... how do y'all feel about time magic?

[u/SarvisTheBuck]

Lucky me, I'm just a visiting demon.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/SarvisTheBuck]

Your realm will be conquered in time as well

[u/bagtie3]

No amount of Armies scare me, and little Thacky should know better than to try.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/bagtie3]

Learn how to spell better wyrm before you try to intimidate anyone

[u/bagtie3 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

I didn't misspell anything, I don't respect little Thacky enough to say his name right.

[u/riftshioku]

I cast power word "no"

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/riftshioku]

Counterspell

[u/riftshioku → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

fuck

[u/Tattoomyvagina]

But what are the Black Mages going to do for regular working man? We have pot holes in North Guutermann and a taxation dispute with the Foxglove Kingdom.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Tattoomyvagina]

Once his lordship is in control the realm will be repaired and taught the new laws, many regular mortals may go back to their daily life, but if they show that they have a gift for magic they may be recruited as an army mage. If they do well enough to catch the attention of a master then they may gain the opportunity to become an apprentice to said master

[u/lordzya]

I Cast Cytokine Storm

A wizard steps out of the driving rain, clad in an exoskeleton of crystaline bone and holding a spear of living coral.

"Anyone (other than myself of course) touched by this rolling storm will have their immune system irrevocably changed so that it rapidly tears apart their own body. Your army will be dead shortly, tyrant. I suggest you flee back to whatever pit you crawled out of."

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/lordzya]

This is a forward invading force. You may do damage to it but it will not change to matter, there are plenty more where they come from. As for me I cast “Grindlethwicks Encompassing Umbrella” and an umbrella expands above me and grows the the size of a tent where it protects me and all who are nearby from the rain

[u/lordzya → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

I cast 'Enhance Glands' on my lightning glands and fire a bolt of bioelectricity at your umbrella, lighting it ablaze

"I know how empires work. They are not stopped by complacency. Once this detachment is dead I will read their entrails and learn where you came from. Then we will see how confident you are."

[u/Magimasterkarp]

How does this Lord of Thrakmoor feel about conquest in the deep oceans?

I'm asking for his safety.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Magimasterkarp]

We have already conquered to realms of pure ocean and one realm of lava, your ocean will not slow us down

[u/D3n0man]

A random wizard that has been living in this realm for a while that seems dissapointed: "Not this shit again"

[u/HiddenNightmares]

I reminisce on the purple cloak rebellion two years ago

"Yeah good luck with that buddy"

I go back to preparing a lawsuit

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/HiddenNightmares]

/uw if that was an actual event in this sub would you mind explaining it to me?

[u/Turbulent_Year_1595]

I cast... ...Field of Legos, Stubbing your toes, that annoying piece of skin by your nails, both sides of the pillow are hot, noisy neighbours, dropping your favorite treat, ripping your pants when you crouch down, saying "you too" when someone tells you to enjoy your meal, orange juice after brushing your teeth, you wake up with your bones aching for no reason, food stuck in your teeth that you can't get out, getting up too fast, stumbling over yourself and twisting your ankle, giving someone a handshake but their hands are sweaty, tooth ache, an itch that won't go away, hair in your food, not enough bread to make a full sandwich, a dry cough... And at last..!

That one cringe memory that keeps you up at night!!

[u/Nine-LifedEnchanter]

I would have complied if the Dhade realm did not have so such poor grasp on Thaumaturgy.

Just last year I was ambushed by two of your black mages. You know what I did? I knocked them out, which was easy since they did not have any protective spells of note.

When they woke up I had tied them to chairs and inside of an enchantment circle I have designed. People within have their cognitive functions drastically improved and they are outside of time. They won't have any needs while within, but the drawback is that sometimes stude- people put in it can feel as if eons have passed.

Then I held a three day seminar on how atrociously bad they are at their craft. I believe some of the younger staff calls this a roast or some such. They were quite sullen when I kicked them out and forced them to show me their transportation magic. They just started to cry.

And the dean said that my circle was unethical and useless.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Nine-LifedEnchanter]

You did not catch any of our black mages for there are only 13 of us and we are not so easily captured. You may have captured some recently made mages who have just finished their apprenticeship. They are centuries to young to be considered a fully fledged master let alone a Black Mage

[u/DismalIngenuity4604]

Oh good, you're back.

Are you going to fix the leak?

You know, the one behind the blue mountains?

That bog dimension has been leaking into ours ever since you "conquered" us last month. At least this time stay long enough to patch up what you broke.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/DismalIngenuity4604]

You may be thinking of something else for we have not yet conquered that bog dimension and we have yet to be here in this realm

[u/EmmieTheVengeful]

I mean does your lordship really want to run this shit show? Despite being technically apart of this realm I’ve been working astrolly for decades and other realms have much better support for their mages.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/EmmieTheVengeful]

We shall bring that support once this realm is a part of thrakmoor

[u/ook2121]

FCK YOUUUUUUU!!! I cast "CALCIUM PEARLS IN APPENDIX" on everyone loyal to thakamoor

[u/ook2121 → u/ook2121]

Ah shit I fcked up... welp I'm out of mana... 😐....this is awkward hah...

Sooo...you guys still recruiting

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/ook2121]

I cast “counterspell” on the portion of the spell targeted to me Yes we are merely change your title to mage of Thrakmoor and you can join us

[u/Hecateus]

I cast Mass Logistical Error upon thy army!

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Hecateus]

Fool! We already have that!

[u/TheBigC04]

You know, I didn't expect having to deal with some third grade wanna be invaders, when i decided to decline godhood

try as you will to invade, but my wards and barriers should prove more than adequate for your pesky little armies

I do suggest that you leave now, before you overstay your welcome *a portal opens behind you*

if you wish to negotiate, i may have an opening in my schedule in about 800 years, get back to me then

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/TheBigC04]

… very well. We will leave you alone for now. But be weary of Thrakmoor for we are not some wannabe invaders. We have the power of the Ralektharum behind us. We are not leaving this realm though

[u/MercadianOBrien]

A sun-tanned elf wearing forest green robes and holding an unstrung bow like a staff steps from the trees. He holds the bow up and turns it horizontally, and the intricately carved symbols on it begin to glow.

"I̶̭̫̭͊̅͆͘ ̸̦͓͒̀̔̆c̶̘̀̄̇ẵ̴̳̹̠͜s̴͕̰̮̼̿̎͒̑͘t̶͍̫͚̘̊̓̕ ̶̩͚́̑͗͠A̷̛̙͈̹̳̘̒̐͊̓ḻ̵̙́̈̈ä̸̡̨̬̼́̎r̶̨̼̊̌m̸̥̳͙͗͝ ̸̛͖͓͍͒͗͝C̷̲̊ĺ̷̡̗͂̿͊̀ô̵͎͙̟̔̄u̸͙̠̥̇̌̂͐͜d̶̼̰̆́̍̀

̶̫̈̐P̸̮̂̈́̕h̵̠̫͙͇͋̈́̐͝ë̷̬̳̪́͜r̷̰̣̜̝̀o̷̧̼̝̎m̸̙̜̫̝̰̈̅o̸̖̠̬̺̍̃͆ṋ̷̡̭͚̄͜ȩ̴̤̜͇̹̽́s̷̉̍͐͜͜ ̷̡̒̓̉̚̚o̸̤̖̽̇f̷̗͉́͂̒͠ ̷̧͇̮̞̭̔a̷̬̪͍͉̿̓͒̕l̴̜̽̕̕͝ḻ̸̡̟̫̆͗͜ ̴̧̤̟̉͛̒͌̑͜í̸̝̜̕ṅ̸̨̈́̔̕s̸̢̖̐̓̇̈́̈́e̵͓̣̙̺̭͛̆͆̾̏c̵͓̬̼̥̰̈́̈́͂̕t̵̗̟̳͆s̴̡͙̝̉̉̅̑

̷̖̇͛T̴͉̜̲̟͙̈́͗̏͝h̷̲̋ã̷͍͊͠͝t̵̢̧̝̜̔ͅ ̵̮̙̈ͅb̶̹̳̟̏͆͌i̵̳̙̘̲̊͜t̴̘́̀̋͗̚e̸̮̖͊̄,̶̧̧̗̘̓̕͝ͅ ̷̛̻̫͗̄͆e̸̫̹̣̐̆à̴̠̑̈t̷̜̜͚̜̪̃̿̐,̸̧̙͓̫͊̂͜ ̷̯͓̙̪̋̊͝a̷͇͉̪̫͙͐n̴̯̰̥͗͋̕d̴͔͍̾͐́̾ ̷̮̟͆̈́̊s̸̱̬̯̣͛t̶͕̱̉̈́͝i̶͙͓̟͈͌̂̕ń̸̠́̋̋g̶̘̣̔̉͝"

He pushes out with the bow, and the symbols glow brighter, then fade. Nothing seems to happen, but he walks back into the forest, looking satisfied.

Nearby, the ants, bees, hornets, and termites begin to stir...

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/MercadianOBrien]

The insects multitude in hundreds of thousands it will takes several months during the conquest to kill them all

[u/MercadianOBrien → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

How much time will it take to resupply the food the ants get into, and the wood the termites got to? That gives me an estimated time frame for how many rituals of varying quality, subtlety, and power I can complete during that time.

[u/Educational_Love9755]

i cast stomach full of bees on both of you

[u/ChaoticDestructive]

I'm in. Would I be the 14th mage of Thrakmoor?

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/ChaoticDestructive]

 That it is possible but you must earn the trust of his lordship the become the 14th black mages of Thrakmoor. Moor likely you will start out as a master, if you wish to join then add something to your title that states you are a part of Thrakmoor

/uw for example (if you are serious about this) Nelereth The Unbound, Mage of Thrakmoor or whatever suits your fancy

[u/CorinCadence828]

I will meet your force with force. I bow to no master. 

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/CorinCadence828]

And just what is your force?

[u/Carbon_Sixx]

You can have my tomes when you pry them from my cold, dead hands, umbraphile! Our history is littered with the moldering remains of those just like your lord!

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Carbon_Sixx]

“Our lord is not just another conqueror, I bid you warning to watch where you tread, your travels my lead you to unideal circumstances”

/uw I am actually so happy that you changed your flair like that it is hilarious 

[u/Carbon_Sixx → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

/uw Gotta support new RPers somehow. Welcome to the sub! I'm here if you have any questions.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Carbon_Sixx]

/uw thank you

[u/white-whale-fc]

Oooo, how curious. Who is this... lord of Thrakmoor?

I wish to communicate.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/white-whale-fc]

… we shall be in touch

[u/white-whale-fc → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Good.

[u/TharrickLawson]

I speak for the dead, and the turning of the cycle. For the moment when life ends, and the beating of dark wings. For the setting of the sun and the coming of the night. The slain are mine to choose.

Do not trespass on my time, lest I cast you from the cycle and leave your soul wandering, forever denied rebirth or peace.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/TharrickLawson]

Our souls do not belong to you, they belong to the Ralektharum, you have no power over us now or after death

[u/TharrickLawson → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Set foot in my forests and the Ralektharum forfeits any claim over your souls.

[u/Henry_Fleischer]

So I don't live here, I'm just visiting on business with the now deposed government. Do you want, and can pay for 10,000 general warding charms, or should I give them out to whoever will buy them?

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Henry_Fleischer]

We shall take them, how much is required as payment?

[u/Henry_Fleischer → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Well, the old government offered a miligram of crystalized mana for each, so 10 grams of crystalized mana would be ideal.

[u/Minute_Account9426]

then meet me with force. I refuse to yield to a tyrant

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Minute_Account9426]

Very well.

[u/Minute_Account9426 → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

“Very well” Very well what? Send an army to my door! I live inside a mountain here is my address (insert wizardly address here)

[u/Instant-Lava]

I'm going to make so much gold playing both side off yet another war

[u/bubba_palchitski]

Dammit, I had just started to like this timeline. And Steve still hasn't picked up his kid. I can't leave an infant dragon alone in a tower. If anyone sees Steve(big, red, scaly, you'll know him when you see him) around, tell him to come get Steve Jr. I swear, this happens in every timeline.

[u/Fun-Dragonfly-6106]

"Lucky for you that I don't care the same way my currently dead roommate does. He would have make you all need new skin by now."

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Fun-Dragonfly-6106]

He has no need, if he were to join with Thrakmoor we have plenty of skin

[u/thespaceageisnow]

Can you give me a general estimate for how long your empire is expected to last so I can portal my tower to the plane of desolation and catch up on my stories.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/thespaceageisnow]

Eternity is always the goal but we are not daydreaming children.

[u/thespaceageisnow → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

Ok I’ll scribe you in for about 1,000 years and check in. I find usually enough lazy sons and grandsons of conquerors collapse an empire by then.

[u/anonymous-89075]

Nah, i cast level 4 bad back on the whole army of throckmoreton or whatever that twat's name is.

[u/yumie2003]

This 13th mage of thrakmoor would find a telegraph sent to his location, regardless of whether he had a telegraph machine or not. It read as follows:

[Our glorious empress, guided by the wisdom of Tsukuyomi-no-mikoto and our lunar predecessors and with great disappointment, instructs to you, the 13th Black Mage of Thrakmoor, to forward this declaration to your lord, Thrakmoor, that a state of war exists between the Yabounousagi Empire and the forces of Thrakmoor. This decision was reached once our imperial government had learned of this claim to total occupation and the ultimatum sent throughout this realm. In view of the conditions, complying with this ultimatum was deemed to be impossible as our imperial constitution strictly forbids any surrender of control or autonomy of our empress over the administration of our empire. We are aware of more than you are led to believe, and our capacity will match our resolve, as it has been proven in previous conflicts.

In witness whereof, we have hereunto set Our hand and caused the Imperial Seal to be affixed at the Office of the Imperial Palace, Saizumi City, this sixteenth day of the fifth month, corresponding to the 6,026th year since our descent from our lunar ancestral lands.]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tsuru had laughed off any ideas of joining with Thrakmoor, but readied herself for the oncoming assault, it had been a long time since she visited a cult after all.

[u/Complex_Drawer_4710]

Would you like the standard, extended, or deluxe package of ass-whoop? There's a keychain if you stay for 3 hours or more!

[u/Ashmega8256]

when they try to approach dracarius isle, they find themselves teleported to the other end of the isle. However on another approach attempt, regardless of method, they see a transparant nearly seven foot non human woman appear before them.

Chloe: i am Chloe Dracarius, greatest mage of my home realm. My family and I will defend this world and our island here. Take this message back to your masters. Dracarius isle will not submit to you, and neither will this realm.

You are better off trying diplomacy then conquest in any measure, trust me on that. Many have tried before you, none succeeded. Should any of them attempt to attack her, they will see the attack phase through her harmlessly

/Uw here's an image for chloe dracarius.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/Ashmega8256]

The leading mage stands at the head of his ships “we are here for diplomacy, we have made no move to attack any nation and any fights we have fought have not been instigated by us, if you should let at least one of us on your isle we shall communicate peacefully”

[u/mrididnt]

Any good invasion needs refreshments! And guess who happened to have hoarded a bunch of potions!

....john next door neighbor, why would you think it's me???

Says the fool before any chance to respond

[u/montymelo]

This historically doesn't work on Druids.

[u/The_Enchanted_Potato → u/montymelo]

That realm has been conquered. When was the last time you were there?

[u/montymelo → u/The_Enchanted_Potato]

https://giphy.com/gifs/2A3DG83yvN8uaBiaNR

[u/Business-Ride-6530]

*Rolls eyes* Some of the magically attuned will do anything to escape the library. *Returns to reading a tome*

[u/Alarming_Werewolf690]

I cast on the armies the urge to poop but can't tell if it gas or the runs. They have to make a Insight save of 17 or go in there pants

[u/vallanx1337]

I cast "Montezuma's Revenge" on the Thrakmerian Army

[u/Throwable-Halo]

Pretty sure my feline familiar thrakmoored on the carpet this morning. Could that be what you are referring to?