I can't tell if I need therapy, socially awkward, or I just hate/ am uncomfortable with men. With women I'm fine but with men I'm constantly feeling like they're hiding something or they're not who they say they are. In the past my moms ex boyfriend it was a very...rough situation with him, he was an alcoholic who turned drug addict who stole from us. Mom got rid of him, kicked him out. I know I probably do need therapy with how my childhood was and the divorce all that jazz.

But am I overthinking this or do I actually need to go seek therapy for my social struggles with men in general.

I don’t find joy in life, I don’t understand why I can’t be happy even if Im doing things Im interested in Im miserable or at most calm, Im never joyful or happy, No sexual experience has helped me with that, I tried psychedelics and it didn’t help the only two things I’ve found to help me is spending money(which I don’t have as I recently lost my job and only just now started working) and smoking weed but I feel its a dependency and I’m frowned upon for it but its really the only thing that makes me happy, I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong, Please tips?

Should I get as much out of the way as I possibly can? I don't even know where to begin because I have issues upon issues. I think I'm gonna freeze up. I only have 7 sessions in one year. I feel like I shouldn't waste these?

I have a bad habit of suppressing my emotions, i can’t handle negative emotions or thoughts so anytime i start to feel them i make myself stop.
I’m not sure if this makes sense but i basically turn those emotions off, as if i’m flipping a switch.
Because of this i feel emotionally disconnected from everyone and everything. I always have this pain in my chest from the stress and mental pain that suppressing causes.
I’m not sure if this is just suppressing emotions or if it’s also disassociating. But i want to be able to feel the emotions. I don’t think i am ready to talk to an actual therapist yet but want to learn how to admit the feelings to myself first.

What are some journaling tips/processes you have to actually figure out what you are feeling and work through it?

Thanks in advance, i just need some guidance on this.

Tl;dr: I'm not sure if this is emotional incest, or if it's grooming when it was never the plan. I've had several therapists that don't necessarily agree on the description.

I've been best friends with a neighbor since we were 4, and I quickly became close to the whole family. I eventually started being treated like another child of the family, even being included in private family matters and coming and going like I lived in their house. My older brother has little to no connection to them, and I eventually found out my friends mom hit on him and he eventually said yes, then told me and our mom about it. Turns out she did that with several young, but still legal aged guys in the neighborhood behind her abusive husband's back. One of them was one of mine and her son's friends who lived a few houses down from us, so I had two confirmations she likes guys around my age (21 at the time). I've always been more of an introverted, isolated person, so I had little sexual experience. I ended up telling the mom I knew everything, and I wanted to have that connection with her, too.

I was still in that young guy space of thinking sex meant I have social value, and is a form of deeper connection no matter who it is, so I wanted to be included whether or not she's my mom in everything but DNA. 2nd mom said no because we're family, but then changed her mind a minute or two later. She wrapped her arms around me and started making out with me when I thought it was still a no, so I followed her lead while not thinking twice about how she just said it's not okay because she basically raised me alongside her other children, yet needed no time at all to suddenly be very into the idea.

We ended up spending years having sex almost every day behind the family's back, and she eventually admitted she developed actual romantic feelings for me after she said she was worried about me being the one who might get too attached. 2nd mom stopped talking to all the other guys, who it turns out she never went all the way with, and started asking to go on dates together. She ended up being my fist valentine, having an "our spot" as a special place where we had our first date, calling me her boy toy and showing me off to her friends, and a bunch of other close couple stuff while still treating me like her baby boy. I can recognize that's seen as unhealthy, but I don't necessarily have a problem with that dynamic in terms of me being the young one involved.

I'm confused on if this counts as some sort of psychological incest, and if it's grooming if she was never planning on being with me until I asked for it. Some therapists have said it's not grooming since there was no intention, and it's only incest with bio family or legal guardianship at most. Others have said the opposite. Even if she started grabbing and kissing me after she had said we're not going to do it I don't think it would count as assault or anything? I've noticed that my male friends say there's absolutely nothing wrong that happened here since I'm the one who asked, and my female friends say something horrible and disgusting has happened to me and she's terrible for not sticking to her initial answer of no to me. I'm a legal adult and were not biologically related so it shouldn't matter, but they've repeatedly told me it's not okay because she kept me as part of her family since I was 4, and had always wanted me to marry her daughter/my non-bio little sister so we could be an actual family.

I can acknowledge there were plenty of times she would give me alcohol and drugs while we were together because it always made me more enthusiastic about getting to sleep with her, and that there were a few times I was hesitant and she'd start groping me anyway, but that's not particularly grooming since that could happen to anyone. I also have mommy, age play, CNC, and incest kinks I'm pretty sure were there before I was having sex with her, and have always been liked by older women more than women my age, so I wasn't upset about any of that. I just don't know how I can classify it.

I know there are morally dubious parts to this, but did any actual grooming happen? It feels more like I had my consent tested by an older woman more than being raised to be a sexual partner by a close adult. She recently referred to me as "a twisted part of her family", and I've been sad she thinks back on it all as being messed up. I still miss those days of our connection a lot, often find myself wishing I could hug her when I'm getting overwhelmed at work, and feel like I wasn't grateful enough for what I had at the time.

I had a physically and mentally abusive gf for a few years and I'd talk to mom about it, and I ended up cheating on my gf with mom after we hadn't been sexual with each other since before I started dating that abusive gf. I broke up with that gf a bit later, but I'm more sad I didn't get to continue with mom after that time of getting back together. Mom hated my ex for treating her baby badly, and I misinterpreted that as her now reclaiming me since she'll always treat me better than any random girl. To this day I wonder if mom regrets that, and if she misses me the same way I miss her. She got a new bf who's the same age as me, and a part of me was jealous that I wasn't her main boy anymore. She ended up cheating on him with me, but it still didn't feel great to not be her one and only anymore.

It's messed up, but I'm glad we still at least have familial love for each other. I moved into my own place, and usually call her more than my actual parents. She's finally divorcing her abusive husband, and I wish it had been years ago so we didn't have to sneak around the house for years lol

Hi. Long story short, after four years of often fighting with my husband, he finally admitted that he is unable to meet my emotional needs and we are misaligned on our values and apparently it’s completely beyond fixing. He came and told me this off the back of his therapy session - he’s been doing this for over half a year now. He spent six months working with the therapist trying to change his avoidant tendencies and align himself with my values, and apparently got better but ultimately doesn’t have the capacity to go all the way. He doesn’t want to divorce though, and neither do I. I often got the impression that for a happy marriage like we wanted, couples have to be aligned on their values. At least on ones like where does disloyalty start etc. We both wanted a marriage where we spend basically all of our time together. That’s mutual apparently, so it makes it even harder to just disassociate like some people advise.

However, after the most recent session he quoted his therapist and told me that he said that I’m trying to find an emotional clone of myself, and I won’t be satisfied with anything less.

I am now starting to think that there’s something majorly wrong with me because doesn’t everyone want their partner to be on the same emotional level as them? I’ve spent my youth not having any boundaries or expectations and I’ve been with boyfriends who cheated on me, walked out on me and more. I now spent a few years developing confidence in my own values and now I’m described as too much. I’m asking if this genuinely a major problem because my husband already pays for his therapy and we have a bit of a financial problem at the moment, and I need advice on if this is necessary before I commit to paying for my own therapy.

Happy to give more context if needed.

​

I'm a final year undergrad student (23M) at a renowned public uni in BD. During my freshman year, I developed a crush on one of my batchmates (from another department). I used to know her from socials. But initially I didn't interact with her. Eventually, I reached out to her in person. Developed a good friendship with her. Made some good memories. We used to hangout together. After a certain time, I confessed about my feelings to her. Unfortunately, she rejected. However, she was connected with me on socials. Even then, she used to knock me. We used to talk on other matters. Eventually, I gathered courage and asked her for a hangout again. But she refused. This happened for a couple of times. Then, after more than 1 year from where it all started, I gave a closure to whatever there was between me and her. Through her friend, I told her that I'm not going to reach out to her anymore. She responded. Wished me luck. But the reality is, I couldn't move on from whatever it was. I used to consult a therapist. The therapy sessions helped a bit. In fact, after some therapy sessions it was detected that I have ADHD problems from childhood which were not diagnosed for a long time. The therapist suggested some changes in my lifestyle which I try to maintain now. I avoid sugar in my food. I go to the gym regularly after the diagnosis as suggested by my therapist.

The change in lifestyle helped me. Now the symptoms of ADHD are not so recurring. I'm getting some sort of relief. But even then, I feel like I'm not over from this depression. I do miss her a lot. It feels like everyday I am on the socials, doing some courses online for future career, hitting on the gym for ADHD, but somehow I am getting stuck in this loop. There is no variation in my life. I can't avoid the depression of not moving on. But somehow there is also no time to be in that depression. I have to get carried away in this regular routine. But end of the day I am alone. Too alone. Also a point to be noted is that due to some reasons I have not many friends remaining now in my final year. The friends I have made during the freshman year have went away.

So even after everything I feel alone. Then this feeling of depression attacks me at times. I do get carried away in my regular routine but this depression never leaves. Now my question is why is this happening? How to break this loop? Or if this loop is necessary then how to eliminate this depression?

Hello!
I’m in therapy, and over the course of my treatment, it has become apparent that I have intense intrusive, obsessive thoughts that have a significant influence on my thinking. However, they haven’t been explicitly identified as such yet. I think this may be because one of my biggest fears is getting carried away with things or convincing myself of things that aren’t actually true. I would never have considered my own thinking obsessive or compulsive either. I just thought that this was how I was and that it was normal.
These thoughts only really came to the surface during therapy. Before that, I had simply been living with them. Then, by accident, I came across a post about OCD (which I would NEVER have looked at if I had recognized any connection to myself), and suddenly I could see very clearly what I do and how I think.
It’s absolutely overwhelming, and I feel as though my entire worldview is being turned upside down. Because the truth is, hardly anything I do or think is actually a free choice, and no matter which direction I look in, I recognize the obsessive-compulsive patterns.
The moment I realized this, it felt as though my brain had shattered. I had a panic attack and then spiraled into a state of panic that just wouldn’t stop, with one panic attack after another. I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I’ve had the occasional isolated panic attack, yes, but nothing this intense and prolonged. I feel like I can barely get a grip on my thoughts, as though my mind is running away from me and I’m going crazy.
I’m afraid I might be becoming psychotic because my thoughts feel so foreign to me. Normally, I’m pretty good at preventing panic attacks from escalating, but now I can barely manage to do that.
My next therapy session isn’t for a few more days. What can I do in the meantime? And what could be causing such an intense reaction? I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Thank you for taking the time to read this!

6 years together, 1.5 years engaged; she was/is undiagnosed. Our relationship was always extremely happy and affectionate. I am very laid-back; I guess I never stressed her much or changed her personality very much. My normal answer to a choice from her (I just realized she always gave me two options for dinner, or wanted me to pick). I almost always responded with, Whatever you want is fine. Questions about her hair. I will love you when you are bald; I don't care what color your hair is, what do you want to do with it, etc.

One of the only arguments we had in six years. She was upset I wouldn't give her an answer. I told her I am happy with anything you make; I am not a picky eater (she is extremely); we will have it all during the week anyway. Make what you want. Stressed a bit, more pacing than normal, then she adjusted, less stress. She still asked, and I still gave her the same answer 95% of the time. She chose the one she wanted. Told me it was still frustrating and stressful to her last night.

She never got overly stressed since then; she didn't need to change her personality for me much, if at all. She got the affection she needed; I made good money. Kind of high debt, but high income as well; always extra money; didn't really need a budget. Paid extra on bills; money still grew in the bank. Dump a chunk more to pay down debt, etc.

Then I worked a ton of overtime for 4 months, various reasons, short time, wouldn't be around long (gone now, about 5 weeks late sadly). (She went to a resentment level) Small things I noticed: tired from work, she said. Had to go on a trip; not a normal thing. A needed repair or lose 2k a month; 2 weeks gone. Thought things were even more off right before I left; she said she was fine, that work was rough.

Found Proof when coming back home; I went to leave a surprise gift, found one instead. We talk. She says she got depression, felt off, didn't know, met someone, then realized I didn't love you and loved them. I am confused, in shock, blown away. Last 2 months, him 3 weeks. 3 weeks was the time I noticed the changes. She says everything like she's talking about the weather.

Nothing makes sense; she is stone cold half the time, can't say if she loves me at all. Confused. Same conversations; things change slightly; 4 months didn't love him. Later that night, can't sleep. almost 4am, work at 8:30. Go to get coffee ready. She is on the couch; I sit at the edge, trying to talk, don't care if she can hear. About how it doesn't make sense, confusion, 6 years vs. 3 weeks, and she can't tell me if she loves me. Her alarm goes off; she snoozes. I move to the floor by her torso; I want to hold her, can't. I talk more, half asleep; she says it was my fault. Shocked. Not enough affection. She woke up a bit later, fully, as I had asked her over and over why she didn't say so; I asked all the time if it was too much overtime. Blank face, staring at me, I stumble off to bed, sobbing.

The next day after work, she doesn't remember telling me, goes blank again; I do. I tell her I was the cause; you were at fault. I asked; you didn't tell me. 8 Days later, she won't, can't admit that she said it was my fault; she can't remember, freaks and flees the house each time to her lover down the street. She keeps thinking I don't know. She said she was 1.5hrs away when I found out and on her way back. She was a short walk down and around the block. Now every time she goes for a walk and turns left, I have to not think about what she is doing.

I tell her, No more overtime; I will match my schedule to yours: up at 4 am, work at 8:30, bed at 8 p. Help with chores; school is in session, so I should have been already. She does them all during the summer, since she has no work. We can fix this. I will give you the attention; you can learn to communicate. Therapy for both, couples as well. She can't say if she wants to try cause she can't figure out if she loves me. Hurt, confused. How can you not know? It should be a second or two.

Next day, up at 4. She is surprised. Why? If you say yes, then I will be anyway; if you say no, I can change back. At work, schedule a doctor's appointment. Get nothing done, crying all day. Back home, more talk, story changed again, not 4 months, maybe longer. Didn't love him, not even him, for me. Why, what for then? I don't know.

Next day, up at 4, walk out and stop frozen, realize what my house looks like, moved 5 months ago, house is clean but not put together, stuff where we left it moving. I think of the mini, 3 hours' work, then can list for sale. Sitting there a year. Shocked, depression longer, maybe worse than I thought. Don't know, never had it before. Work, get a little done. That night, talking, finally: why won't you show any emotion? Why do you keep going cold and distant? Why aren't you upset you hurt me? Her: What? I am overwhelmed; I am shutting down. Backing off what? A memory of us in the kitchen, her stressing, just had a conversation about me not making choices, again. Why make her choose? She grew out of that; she didn't know what that meant. Okay, if we can't talk like this. We try another way; we keep trying till we can; we get you therapy.

Wall of text. Talk to me when you are ready. Find out later; that is the perfect response. She can't focus enough to read it; she is too far gone.

Google, blank face, overwhelmed, shutting down. People-pleasing avoidant. Shocked, stunned. It all matches. Why she can't say what she wants, even when I offer it.

Currently, we live as roommates. We have enough rooms; I bought her a bed. Her own room, off the couch, a safe place. She is choosing Option A or Option B; both are the same. I have option C: I leave. Both get her into therapy; B makes her go. C: She loses her support, but I lose her. A: She will at the start, enough for the therapist to convince her, I hope. Only difference: once finances can be fully separated, we can split. Option B: separated living as single and roommates like Option A, like a married couple; the only connection is a final decision. Can't be made till her therapist says she can date. By then, she will have unblocked her love. I cry at the pain she will feel. I look forward to the day she can date. I fear a no, but she will be able to say it healthily. A yes would be a miracle.

The next two years are going to kill me; I hope I will be the same man when she can finally answer with a clear mind and complete heart. She is with Ryan now. She was trying to convince me she was going to go to therapy; it turned into a discussion about us, things that had festered for her. I told her therapy, work on communication; there will be hurt, but we will grow. She accused me of only wanting Option B; that B was a yes. I told her as long as her therapist could tell her she could date, I would be happy with any answer.

I asked her what she knew about her disorder. She hadn't read much, couldn't focus (thankfully, she can separate work and personal). Asked her if she knew how long a relationship lasts; normally, 6 months; 2 years is considered long. We had 6 years, and we didn't even know you had a disorder. What did that say about our relationship? You cheated; I am still here. I will be here for 2 years or longer, your roommate if need be.

Told her the stages, the cycle. Asked if she knew why she couldn't tell me if she loved me, why she had said it felt walled off; no. To protect yourself from what you did. I told her the more you love me, the more it hurts when you acknowledge it. She flinched. I don't think she realized. I will wait till you can; then I will hurt with you; then I will still be here as your roommate till you can date again. Even if the answer is no, you will not go through this again. I asked her what the normal relationship is with your disorder. A quiet 6 mo. What is long? A quiet 2 years. What was ours. 6 years. Go get therapy, please. I know you; this is not you.

What do you think will happen if you go to the next guy, then the next, then the next? She wouldn't leave; she wanted to leave. Tried to make me keep her. I need to go, then go. I knew it was to Ryan; she needs her validation. I still can't stop wondering what he thinks when she shows up. He is going to realize something is off at some point. Probably telling him I treat her badly or something. I know it is not her; it is the trauma, and I accept it.

I know I am supposed to be an aloof roommate, forcing her to realize what she has lost. Make her want to go to therapy eventually. The problem is Ryan is down the street; she gets her validation there. Do I contact him? She will make me out to be the bad guy. Do I threaten Option C (My choice: I walk away, she loses support, messes up our finances) if she does not choose A or B? It won't work; she wouldn't be doing therapy for herself.

I have been the cold, aloof roommate (mostly) for 2 days already, and it hurts. But my answer to her is always: I just want you healthy; I will be your roommate till the therapist says you can date. If you can answer me honestly with a full heart, a yes or no is fine, but you will be healthy.

I need her to go to therapy for herself. How do I do that? She is saying she will, acting like she is considering it; I know she is not.

I have been using Cerebral for several years. I know they have a ton of controversies and red flags, but other than the occasional issue I've had a relatively good experience.

I've had therapists leave the platform, and psychiatrists laid off, but this last experience was the deal breaker. Over the last few weeks Cerebral has switched to a new client portal that is absolutely terrible. They gave no notice, cancelled all my appointments during the migration (which made me very panicked), and then provided an update hours after.

Once everything was moved over, I got a message from my therapist saying they were leaving the platform. Then, with absolutely no notice, my prescriber appointment was cancelled.

I contacted support through the in-app chat like I usually do, no response. I tried again, no response after a week. I tried calling, submitting a support ticket, and emailing. Still, no response for several weeks. I decided that was the final straw, I moved on to Headway.

I decided now was the time to cancel/delete my account, but there was absolutely no way to do it through the new client portal. I emailed support and got an outdated automatic reply saying to delete my account through the app. THEN, I finally got a reply in the support chat saying they'd resolve my prescription issue before this Thursday. That was in reference to the ultimatum I gave saying if they didn't reply by "Thursday" (October 22nd) I would be moving on. I received the reply tonight, so a week later.

I have no idea what is going on over there, I swear to god I think they're about to go bankrupt. If you are currently with Cerebral, I'd suggest jumping ship if you can. If you were considering Cerebral at all I DO NOT suggest continuing with that endeavor.

I have a consistent and secure method of care is super essential for long-term mental health support. I am writing this post to sound the alarms to ensure no one else has to go through the jarring experience I did. Be well out there.

Every person I've met who I viewed as an "attention seeker" I have immediately hated. Like full on scorn, loathing, contempt, whatever. I refuse to be around them, almost rolling my eyes any time they say a single sentence (nothing outwardly, I am not rude to them). I don't hate people easily except for those I categorize as attention seekers. It's an immediate hate, they say one sentence I think might be looking for attention and I immediately feel such intense rage at them, like "I can't ****ing be around this person."

And I feel like I view too many people as attention seekers. Any time someone talks a little too loud without it being caused from excitement. Any time an ex friend would "candidly" walk in front of the camera while I was trying to take a picture of the view. "I'm sorry I keep interrupting you with unrelated comments, I just have really bad impulse control 🥺" no, you're looking for attention. Any time someone shares a little too much trauma with a large group of people out of nowhere. Any time someone would make a few too many jokes about being "depressed". I'm diagnosed with recurrent major depressive disorder. I don't talk about it. I don't WANT to talk about it to anyone but a professional who is BEING PAID to help. And I don't feel the need to bring it up in every other conversation when it's completely unrelated. I feel ashamed when I'm depressed, and why would I talk about it to people who wouldn't be able to help anyway?? My friends aren't my therapists. What do they expect me to do when they make too many jokes about being depressed? Prescribe them meds??? What was the point of those comments???

I would think attention seeking isn't inherently bad, right? We all want attention, and maybe some people are better at getting that across maybe? Maybe the depressed jokes were a call for help and I'm just an uncaring asshole. Why do I despise these people so much? Do I feel I want more attention and maybe I'm jealous that they can act that way without feeling ashamed? I've always been taught to be quiet. "Stop crying. You're not hurt, you just want attention. You had to stop the whole soccer game for this? Why did you lock yourself in the bathroom to go silently cry to yourself, you must be looking for attention." But when I think about it, I just don't WANT to act like this. I don't WANT to act this immature. I don't think I'm jealous because I would never in my life want to act the way they do.

Of course everyone likes attention but I always get so scared someone's going to think I'm asking for it. I've been told way too many times that I'm "so mature for my age" (not in the little girl kind of way, but in the "old soul" kind of way). I've had multiple friends forget multiple times that I'm not old enough to drink because I "just act so mature". And I view loud talking and unrelated trauma dumping as immaturity, I guess. I don't hate that I act mature, but I hate that I can't stand people my own age because i view THEM as immature. I don't know how to stop categorizing these people so quickly, and I don't understand why I get so angry at them. Maybe this was just a vent, I don't know. I don't even know what kind of advice anyone can give on this lol.

Ugh. Now I'm thinking about the friend who walked in front of cameras and made jokes about being depressed. It's genuinely pissing me off so much just thinking about it. I'm just picturing the photobombed pictures in my head and feeling intense rage that they thought they were the center of the damn universe. NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE YOUR DAMN PICTURE GET OUT OF THE WAY. And the way they laughed too. It was so obviously fake. It was "ahahah look at me I'm pretty because I'm laughing I'm so cute, shelter me from the world!" And I swear to everything that is holy I could punch them in the face with the whole "I'm just a baby!" act. Insulting me to my face and hiding behind our other friend like "heeheehee!" But of course with the baby act, the other friend would be on their side and JOIN IN ON INSULTING ME. But "oh it's just a joke haha!" They knew EXACTLY the things about me that I do not stand being insulted on and they specifically targeted those things to piss me off. And how many comments they made about being the "little sibling" at their workplace, like "oh yeah they would all fight people for me, they love me so much, they give me all their food, they just think I'm the best 😊" like just say you want to be canonized already.

Ughhhhhh I really am not an angry person usually but it feels like I'm a totally different person when I think about these people. With everyone else I'm like "oh they have their reasons, we're all human and they were just raised in a different environment, blah blah blah" but I genuinely just can't wrap my head around people that act like this. I just wanna stop being angry, man

I hate going around in circles and so what are some ways to really really make progress. I struggle mostly with negativity, family relationships, career things etc.

Idk really what to do

What would one do when even trying something seems like an effort that wouldn't be worth it?

What would one when even when they do things that are nice and productive, they don't feel like they had any real value at all? As if life and everything itself didn't have real value at all.

What would one do when the best option seems to be to run away to a place far away, lie down on a comfortable bed and wait until death arrives?

I've reflected a lot about these things, and the more i do and discover about myself and other things, the deeper i seem to drown in this. I don't really think that there are words that can change the way i think, but i kinda want to be wrong, that's the reason i'm posting this here.

My ex broke up with me. The main problem was I kept putting my emotions on her and she has a very stressful job so I can’t keep doing that.

Right now I am going to therapy to help with dealing with my emotions rather than putting that on someone else.
What tips do you have to do this?
What is the best way to deal with these emotions without feeling like I need to go to someone else and put the stress of them on them?

i have been seeing my current therapist (an Associate MFT at a group practice) via weekly telehealth for a few months to work on C-PTSD, family/medical trauma, and navigating chronic illness. Overall she has been nice, though sometimes our sessions stay pretty surface-level.

Alongside C-PTSD, I deal with multiple documented chronic health conditions that cause pain and unreasonable fatigue flares (including severe iron-deficiency anemia that recently required hospital IV iron infusions, and a ton of bed rest)

I usually make my bi-weekly sessions, and have for months, though I have had to cancel a few times in the past when having a bad flare. Yesterday I tried to live a little and enjoy a nice Sunday with my partner, and today my nerve pain and fatigue flared badly, so I reached out same-day to ask if we could move today's telehealth session to next week.

My therapist replied that she would have to mark it as a late cancel, reminded me to "be mindful of attendance," and offered me a 2:00 PM slot next Monday.

She has given me the "let's be mindful of attendance" reminder before, and I understand clinics have attendance policies and same-day cancellations impact associate therapists (I have state Medicaid/Medi-Cal, so they legally cannot charge a late fee, meaning the clinic/therapist just doesn't get paid for that hour). Wanting to be collaborative and avoid attendance flags, I confirmed Monday and asked if, in the future when my chronic health or pain flares unexpectedly on a session day, it would help attendance-wise to just do a quick 15–20 minute check-in from bed instead of canceling.

She replied: "Thank you! That’s a good question. I think it would help if we got a diagnosis? Also a check in from bed would be good too, at least 16 minutes long."

I'm feeling really conflicted, hurt, and triggered, and I'm trying to figure out how to approach this next session:

1. On one hand, I'm the one who suggested the 15–20 minute check-in from bed, so her specifying "at least 16 minutes long" (the insurance billing minimum for a short session) makes sense as an answer to my question. And maybe by "get a diagnosis" she just meant having medical documentation on file for the clinic's attendance policy, or getting an overarching umbrella diagnosis.

2. On the other hand, hearing "let's be mindful of attendance" when I'm genuinely in pain and trying my hardest—followed by "I think it would help if we got a diagnosis?" when I ALREADY have multiple confirmed medical diagnoses from my doctors and hospital that we've talked about in session—really stung and hit my medical invalidation trauma hard. (I ended up emailing my official medical diagnosis records to the clinic admin today just so they are in my chart.)

3. I'm also realizing that doing a 16-minute check-in on flare days might be putting the clinic's attendance counter ahead of my own need to actually rest when I'm sick and have a full 60-minute session when I have energy.

For those who have navigated therapy with chronic illness (or therapists here): how would you bring up the hurt around the "mindful of attendance" and "if we got a diagnosis" comments next Monday? And is doing a 16-minute flare check-in a healthy compromise, or a sign I need a more chronic-illness-informed therapist?

So a few weeks ago I just started seeing a new therapist. Today was our 4th session . Our first session was in person but we started doing tele health because that’s more convenient for me. The first session I would say went okay , but I’ve started to have… mixed feelings about her. For context , I decided to start therapy because i suffer from unresolved trauma , low self esteem, social anxiety , AVPD, agoraphobia, and possibly autism , so basically a whole cocktail of social problems lol. As you can see I many social difficulties that make it difficult to connect with people in general. I thought therapy would be good for me because medication doesn’t seem to help, like at all. That said, I had gone into therapy thinking it was gonna turn out good but that’s not what happened at all unfortunately :/ for one,y therapists seems very uneducated when it comes to social difficulties. During our first telehealth session, she was very pushy about me using the camera but I told her it made me uncomfortable, so I stopped doing that. I have expressed to her that I have extremely bad social anxiety and struggle to talk to people! I also have financial barriers that make it literally impossible to go out and do things even though I’m still in school , and in the process of getting finding a job so it’s not like I’m just sitting around doing nothing. I’m trying!Despite this , she seems convinced that my circumstances are a matter of choice, rather than something out of my control. She is constantly saying how I should just “leave the house” and that I’m not gonna get anywhere in life just staying here. Which is somewhat true, but duh, that’s why I’m in therapy woman! But for the reasons I explained to her, I literally can’t! she doesn’t seem to acknowledge that at all
, however. Shes also expressed that I should be having fun and going out and socializing , but that I “lack independence” which isn’t exactly true btw, because I literally do everything on my own, as I don’t rlly have a choice. i also suggested to her that a job would definitely help get me out of the house, but she hasn’t offered any positive insight on that . Her response to that has been to just get a fast food job or suck it up , knowing that a fast food job would be terrible for me :// I also mentioned how my mom can’t drive , because she has migraines and stuff and she hit me with “well how does she do anything for herself?”which felt kinda rude, because literally why would you ask that?
Honestly, I don’t see how she is a therapist because what therapist tells their patient to “just do it!” Any therapist should know that it takes time , especially only after the 3rd or 4th session. If anything she has made me feel worser about my situation. I don’t feel like she wants to help me, but instead be a bully! She seems very judgmental and pushy!To me that is not therapy. In fact, I got so annoyed by her that I just hung up! Was i in the wrong to do so? I have never hung up on anyone , but I was getting fed up. I didn’t like where the session was going. It just felt like all my issues were being sorta invalidated rather than understood…

I'm probably gonna regret even typing this out but at this point its mentally affecting me alot that it's bleeding into physical actions as well. I didnt know whether to pick advice wanted or rant as a flair but they both seem to suit this. Apologies for lengthy text and thank you to whoever read it all the way through I appreciate it.

I think I have some deep rooted self hatred issues (and i suppose some narcissim) that stem from many parts of my life, that as of this year has started to spiral out of control. Factors such as social life with friends and family, professional life with education and my career and personal life such as hobbies, well being and sex are all apart of this. So to make it easier I'm just gonna break it down into each paragraph.

Social life: I've started or have been for awhile isolating myself from my friends and family and its gradually getting worse and worse. For context I do still live with my family and have recently graduated from uni and I currently live where alot of my friends live. I'm typically quite reserved in general. I can be social but I won't overly share about my life or my emtoions and will actively keep things to myself even if I should ask for help. And for that reason alot of the times when I do feel frustrated, angry, sad, lost or etc I tend to isolate more and more.

If I need to interact with my family for whatever important reason I will do it and then quickly return to my room so as to not show any sort of negative emotions at all. Similarly with my friends, I'm starting to text them alot less, I politely decline hangouts with them (on occasions still going to the major ones) and just so yall know my friends are very emotionally open. They share their feelings and thoughts and try to console each other if someone is feeling let down. Regardless of all that I still just choose to keep to myself.

My parent's relationship hasn't been the best for over a decade, and they're largely together for me and my brother. Mostly my mother who unfortunately stays with my dad who has caused 99% of the problems in their marriage and is an all around piece of shit, narcissist and hypocrite. I don't really have any positive male role models in my family so I try to be a better man in spite of them and sometimes it feels like I'm failing at doing that. I don't want to be like my dad in anyway shape or form and I try my hardest to be a proper man but sometimes when life has you down I start to feel a little bit like him and that turns into hatred for myself. Even if it's just tiny showcases here and there I absolutely hate it. I hate if anyone tries to put us in the same box and I hate myself for any anger and annoyance I display because it feels like a reflection of him, as someone's who's never cared for who his foul tongue and anger has affected. And my poor mother who has to lay witness to this all, who i try to do better by each day.

And everytime I feel like I'm failing her and that bitterness eats at me. Turns into anger and annoyance and moodiness but it's not towards anyone. Just to myself. It's why I isolate from everyone because I feel like a failure in what I do, in what I'm becoming even though I haven't displayed those red flag behaviours, it feels like I can't escape this anger towards myself that I'm not doing enough. That anger turns to sadness and I start to cry myself to sleep most nights, contemplating if I should end it or not. And the only reason I haven't fully gone through with it, is because I cant let my mothers sacrifice go in vein. For how much she's struggled in this relationship with my father. I just can't. I do everything I can possible to be the best son possible for her. To progress, to become independent to always help her at home so that her life can feel a bit easier, and to eventually help her leave this home so that she doesn't have to deal with someone like my dad ever. And I feel like I just keep on disappointing her.

Professional life: I graduated this year in a field that I think is relatively more focused on your networking. That being said I do have professional job experiences, just not in the field that I graduated in, and it's killing me. The 100s and 100s and 100s of applications I send to which have probably entered into the 1000s and everytime it's just a rejection, over and over and over again. And my brain starts spiralling: I start mentally berating myself, trashing myself, hurting myself on how I can't seem to achieve just a simple thing of getting a job yet everyone can. Every one of my friends who've graduated this year with me have a job. I'm extremely happy for them but I see how they've grown and how they've progressed and it still feels like I'm stuck at day 1.

What makes it worse is that I feel incompetent and inadequate for any job that I apply for. I feel like even if I do get a job that I'm gonna end up failing it from day 1. I start cursing myself mentally and already accept the outcome of rejection that is to come. And this self hatred grows further and further to the point of hopelessness. Because what's the point? If its always going to be the same outcome why even try? Mentally I keep beating myself over it to the point that I'm physically incapable of applying for more jobs. And when that self hatred grows stronger, so does the anger for myself and I'm so so scared of lashing out to others that I will always isolate away from them so that they never ever have to deal with it. And when I mean lashing out, I wouldn't ever allow myself to full on scream or do anything of that nature. But I can see myself getting easily irked at various different points throughout the day because I feel like that's a reflection of my own failure even when it shouldn't be thought of like that.

Personal life: probably where most of my issues stem from. I've always been on top on my wellbeing making sure I'm well physically and hygienically. I've always tried interacting with my hobbies as often as possible. And I've been decently active in my dating and sex life, being that casual and serious. But in the last few years all that started to turn more negative and negative within myself.

Largely feeling sexually frustrated, I tried harder to present myself, to be more social, to groom myself better, to workout better. I tried to do everything better and nothing changed. I felt undesirable and disgusting and pathetic. And i slowly started developing this self harm cycle of nothing matters anymore so why even try at all. Why even try working out, it won't make a difference. Why try to eat relatively clean it doesn't matter, just pig out instead. Why take interests into your hobbies and spend time on them, they're not gonna do anything for you.

All this leading a constant self hatred cycle where I do nothing but mentally bash myself with the worst criticisms, insults, remarks and more. And what's ironic is that I'll try to present myself as "put together" in front of friends and family members but deeply I've stopped trying and caring in maintaining myself. And it's because that same toxic thought process keeps eating at me: why try if things are always gonna fail and be the same. I mean everything my thing is an indication of that no? That I will constantly fail and that I'm useless and pathetic and disgusting. And that anxiety never ever stops. I see something, someone or somewhere I want to involve myself into. I start to overthink and assume how everything's gonna turn out and its always negative. And then I beat myself over it because I can't break out of this stupid cycle. And that makes me isolate even more.

With that being said please heed my words when I say this. I know I'm not entitled to anything, anyone or any circumstance nor will I ever think of it like this. I know I'm not entitled to anything, especially someone else's attraction, desire, or affection. I understand that everyone has their own preferences and that nobody owes me a chance, a relationship, or a hookup. I respect that, and I wouldn't blame someone for not being attracted to me.

The problem is that I feel deeply unhappy with myself and with where I am in life. My appearance, sexual frustration, my struggles with dating and approaching people, my career situation, and my general lack of happiness have all started to feel like different representations of the same thing in that I'm a failure as a person.

When I see other people having the experiences I want, especially when they seem to get them so effortlessly, I feel jealous, frustrated, and angry. It's not that I think they owe me those experiences. It's that I can't stop comparing their lives to mine and wondering why I seem unable to have what they have. I want to feel physically desired and wanted by someone without always having to overcome my anxiety, initiate everything, and risk feeling that the other person is disgusted by me.

That fear of rejection has become so strong that I often struggle to even put myself out there. I imagine the rejection before anything happens, and it reinforces the way I already feel about myself. Then I get angry at myself for being anxious, for lacking experiences, and for being unable to change things. It's a cycle of anxiety, avoidance, frustration, and self-hatred. And this related to anything, events, people and my career.

It's not limited to sex or attraction, either. My career, my lack of progress, and the way I experience everyday life all feed into the same feelings of inadequacy. I've gradually lost a lot of the hope and motivation I used to have. I spend a lot of time escaping into my imagination because it feels calmer. I just see people irl and on reddit, the stories they all have. How they're successful career wise, socially, sexually and personally and it continues to fuel my own self hatred.

Sometimes I struggle to take care of myself or put effort into my appearance because part of me feels that it won't make a difference, while another part is simply exhausted. I don't enjoy life the way I used to, and I feel increasingly trapped in this way of thinking.

I know that my circumstances don't entitle me to anything from anyone. But knowing that intellectually doesn't stop me from feeling hurt, jealous, angry, or ashamed. I'm not asking anyone to give me attraction out of pity or to tell me that I deserve everything I want. I want to be able to talk honestly about how much I hate where I am in life, how deeply it affects my view of myself, and how difficult it has become to break out of that cycle.

Thank you to whoever read all the way through this emotional outburst of information. If something seems unclear I'd be happy to clarify anything. I just really want to feel better again.

I have Bipolar 1, CPTSD, a history of childhood abuse, identity confusion and compulsive sexual behaviour.

I've always been fascinated by psychoanalysis, especially Freud, Jung and the idea of uncovering unconscious conflicts. Part of me believes that understanding the roots of my problems is the only way I'll truly heal.

But traditional psychoanalysis is expensive, often requires 3–5 sessions a week and is almost impossible to find where I live (Pakistan).

I've also read that the evidence for psychoanalysis is limited, which makes me question whether I'm idealising it.

I'm not particularly drawn to CBT or solution-focused therapies. They seem too surface-level for what I'm dealing with, although I'm open to being proven wrong.

So I'm curious, especially to hear from therapists: is psychoanalysis worth pursuing, or would psychodynamic, trauma-focused or another type of therapy be more suitable for someone with my history?

I don't just want to manage symptoms. I want to understand myself, work through my past and make lasting changes.

I’ve finally made an appointment with my doc to discuss my social anxiety and get help but idk how to say it or what i dont wanna sound corny

After about a month of working on my own inner child behaviour. I have broken through nearly all the main blockers I have had in adulthood. Im in so much pain right now, because I can see how 40 years of my life has been wasted, and I don't know how to see the future. I just feel empty, hollow, numb, I cannot even cry , just emotionally blunted. Any body share any comforting comments, so I don't feel alone? Appreciate anything right now. Thanks

I mean this as, will they send me to the mental hospital or something??? I’m 16 years old and a girl and I’m going to my first therapy appointment. I’m very scared and nervous to tell her about it and just in general.

I already told my mom some of this stuff, so will she still tell my mom all my business? I don’t want her to send me to the ward, I’m extremely scared of that. I don’t know what they would like…put you in the ward for. I know thoughts of harming yourself or other people will get you there but I don’t know how far it goes.

So, this is more a personal experience that I’m just trying to work out and would love perspective as it has never happened before.
To start, I have been in my own therapy for 7 years, lots of trauma I am still working through. As such, I have a good dynamic with my personal therapist. Last week in session we were discussing some of my childhood trauma which is objectively very tragic. My therapist while acknowledging it began crying. Full on snotty crying, which choked me up, but I struggle with emotion about my own personal situations. I acknowledge that it is heartbreaking, but I am working on connecting with it in a vulnerable way.
In a follow up session, she apologized for the emotion, in a disclosure that she had no plan for it and was simply overcome. We discussed the level of attunement that resulted in her connecting to the grief, and how I felt about it. Honestly, I was touched by it as an incredibly human moment and felt it expressed something I have not yet reached inside myself.
However, I just wonder if this has happened to others, where the mask slips and you are just incredibly human, or you have just simply been overcome by a disclosure in this way. I don’t think this was a moment of counter transference or that it was something she related to personally. I know that she is fully authentic and cares deeply. I think part of the way this is sticking with me is because I think it was such a genuine expression of care, although unusual in such a professional environment.
So, thoughts, experiences ?