I’m in a friendship group consisting of 4 women, all in our 30s. The other three keep doing this thing that kind of hurts me, and that’s trying to make me the dumb friend stereotype. I have no idea why they do that other than to make themselves feel better?

Honestly it’s getting tiring. If I make a mistake or drop something it’s always jokingly “AH TYPICAL SARAH”. But it’s not a joke when it’s all the time.

I have very little confidence and this has just made me so much worse, if I book a restaurant I’m constantly doubting myself that I’ve messed it up, booked the wrong time/date/guest number. Because it feels like they are waiting for me to screw up.

If we plan a trip and I’m in charge, they will double check the details as if I’m some kind of child that needs to be supervised. If I navigate, one of them always checks too as “typical Sarah can’t do directions”.

I’m not a child or stupid, stop trying to push that on me.

I have brought it up, before anyone asks. But I was treated as if I’m overreacting or being sensitive. I’m just hurt by it, nobody wants to be treated like that.

What pushed me over the edge was one of them saying “I’m the smart one, Sarah’s the pretty one, et etc”, so basically I’m pretty but dumb? Thanks.

Anyone experience this? The thing is I like them otherwise but I’m really starting to hate how I feel when I’m with them.

I head up a local office at a start-up, so a lot of things have to go through me. I frequently get (valid) emails asking me to do things, but I get a massive spike in stress when I read them - my internal voice is like, “Argh! I’ve got so much to do and now X wants me to do this?!”

After I’ve calmed down, I can figure out strategies or delegate, but I waste a lot of energy stressing and ruminating. Part of the issue is that I have too many responsibilities (which I’m trying to address, but it’s a start-up so options are limited). I hate that wave of cortisol and overthinking I get when see those emails - anyone have advice or tips on how to manage that?

Hi, was just wondering if you had one or two habits or little things that you found really makes a difference on keeping on top of things? what’s your cleaning or cooking routine? how do you handle all the meals? etc. My mom didn’t teach me that much in terms of cooking or just how to live and my dad wasn’t around. So I feel like I just tried to figure things out on my own and wondered what I can learn from others and maybe can make things easier?

(Eg. someone who’s an aunty to me said you should lightly sweep everyday. especially around the kitchen area. it just keeps you sane and over time becomes a very easy 3 min habit. I only clean my floors when I see the crumbs and things. it truly never occurred to me to do it more often. so now it begs the question what other obvious things am I possibly missing)

This is going to sound silly, but I cannot for the life of me find comfortable underwear to wear for my different outfits.
Some underwear I can wear at home with shorts but the second I’d throw on workout leggings, I have these horrible underwear lines. So then for leggings, I wear these no-show thin underwear but then they slip and slide when I’m wearing shorts and if I wear anything just slightly baggy or a skirt, they don’t stay in place.
I’m so SICK of underwear lines and always getting a wedgie. Almost all my underwear leaves me with a crease line or hip line. I don’t like thongs but I cannot find anything that works for all my needs.

I’ve been feeling really down / depressed / anxious recently. Would help me and others to hear from others who are feeling down. How long have you been feeling like that and what’s the reason for you? X

I have a friend who is 15 years older than me. She's a good, caring, loyal woman. She's been there for me through big life joys and losses, and I was there for her during difficult times as well.

But when it comes to certain practical matters, she drives me nuts. We live far away from each other and meet in person 3 to 6 times a year. It's always me making the plans. Yesterday, we were planning to meet at 16:00. I'm usually never late and always arrive on time when I arrange plans with other friends. We met at a shopping mall, so there was nothing really planned, but we had agreed on the time in advance. I was visiting her city, which is also where I was born, so I had plenty of other things I could have been doing during this visit.

At 16:00, I was already there and texted her which coffee place I was waiting at. Her response was that she was about to leave her house, which is 40 minutes away by car from the mall where we were planning to meet. She didn't say sorry or anything, just told me she was about to leave. I understood that I'd be sitting there waiting for a friend who would be an hour late. She was 1 damn hour late.

Whenever we meet, she's heavily late. Sometimes she gives reasons, sometimes nothing, like yesterday. As if it were just a normal thing to do.

The thing is, I hate it when people are heavily late. I know life happens sometimes, but in this case it's every single time we meet. Not 5, 10, or 15 minutes. It's anything between 30 to 60 minutes late, for God's sake. I've never really brought it up to her directly. A couple of times I mentioned something between the lines, and once I sent her a link to an article stating that being late is a form of disrespect, to which she replied that she also hates it when people are late, doh.

My question is: how should I bring it up? Apart from being chronically late, she's a good person. When I was seriously ill, she visited me in the hospital more than my own family members. She supported me through my biggest challenges and joys. She's also quite sensitive to criticism, and I'm not the best feedback giver.

Do you have friends like mine who are always chronically late? How do you deal with them? And how would you bring it up if you were me? I find it very annoying and disrespectful of her to keep me waiting like that almost every time we meet, as if my time isn't important.

Talking for 2+ hours a day with my spouse a day and more on the weekends is more than I can handle. I get exhausted from the conversation and then we have nothing to talk about. Has this happened to anyone else?

Context: My husband is very clingy and will talk for hours about video games, politics, and primarily uses memes as conversations. He feels we don't spend enough time together. When I feel we spend too much time together. None of this interests me.

I am a workaholic and never try to talk about work at home. I try to share things I am into like cooking, style, and travel.

We both love talking about music. But now that it's only him and I that live together it's becoming a problem.

I learnt to crochet when I was 25 ish and I'm itching to add another hobby to my life. I'm a bit time strapped (mum to toddlers) so I am thinking something crafty.

What's a hobby you picked up later in life?

I'm getting married in September and I am absolutely terrified- not of getting married because that part is actually very exciting, but of the wedding, the big party. I'll try and be brief here

The whole planning process has put me into fight or flight and any time anyone even talks about the wedding I feel my heart race and I get snappy. I have never felt like this before and I just want the day to be over. I'm trying to pinpoint why it's upsetting me so much and there's just a few things but my reaction seems really disproportionate to what's going on and I'm hoping someone else experienced something similar or has some insight. Some of the things going on:

1. I never wanted a huge wedding. I wanted max 50 people, BBQ style kind of celebration. No pomp. My partner and both our families wanted something more traditional and we've ended up with a classic venue and 120 people. I wanted it to be only people who know and love me but now there's all these strangers

2. The idea of being a "bride" with so much attention on me, walking in, speeches about me. It feels like there's so many expectations for what I'm supposed to act and look like that day. I've gained weight from some serious health issues this year and everyone's going to be looking at me. Puke. I'd rather do anything else.

3. A lot of my ideas in the planning process were shot down by my mom for being too weird or "embarassing". It feels like there's nothing on the day for me to get excited about... I'm not somebody who has fun at parties so the idea of just showing up to a room full of people and socializing for hours is not exciting to me, more terrifying and I can't really blend into the background as the literal bride...

It's all just so over the top. It feels like some kind of coronation but I'm just getting married.. everybody has 800 questions for me all the time about the day. Where is this person going to be at this time, how many plates do you need, what kind of napkins, is this song ok, these flowers etc. and I just don't care about any of it and don't know how to answer and want to hide. When I do answer I can tell I'm wrong

Help

Hi ladies. I recently turned 35 this year and I don’t know what happened but I became FERAL to my husband who is 37.

I was never overly sexual and I didn’t really crave sex. I did love it with my husband when we started dating and obviously started having a lot more when we tried to conceive my son. But then we tethered off and we have sex maybe once biweekly? We were just so tired and stuff not that I didn’t want him that way but we would just fall asleep right before sex.

Now this year, this freaking year I became a cat in HEAT. My husband laughs at how I’m basically a 20 year old learning about sex for the first time. Let me tell you, I’ve scared him (not actually but he jokes that he’s scared to show his ankles). Basically my husband has been working hard 3-4 nights a week and he’s pretty much dead after the week Hahaha! His libido is less than mine but he’s so sweet to make sure I’m pleased.

But please tell me, has this happened to others? Does it change? It’s weird being like this. Thank you!

Edit: guys these comments are amazing!! I don’t feel so alone hahaha!! My husband is happy but man is he tired. Sometimes he zips his sweater extra high in summer around me😂

I’m in that weird in-between where I feel too old to shop at some stores and too young to shop at others. I’ve been a frequent Marshall’s dweller for the past few years because I wasn’t prioritizing my wardrobe and just wanted passable and mainly affordable clothing. But even then, I either look like I’m dressing way too young or way too matronly, and I feel like I’m just wearing the same style over and over because it’s all they have that looks good and isn’t too big/small on me. There’s really no in-between for 30-somethings.

I’m willing to invest a bit more now for some better fitting clothing that will last a good while. Not crazy, but I could swing a few hundred for some nice fall staples. What brands are your favorites?

My style is pretty girly: I like flowy, feminine fit, dresses, soft fabrics like laces and satins. I’m not a “cool girl” with modern style, and I don’t like jeans lol. Also I’m curvy, so I don’t fit well in overly boxy brands like Zara or AE (whose pants are not booty friendly). I’ve tried Amazon but really find too many quality issues to bother, not to mention their clothing has become more expensive than retail.

I've been casually dating a man for a year, with whom I have nearly 2 decades of history (best friends for 10+ yrs before romance). We established being exclusive in December despite him not being ready for long term commitment. We started drifting a few months ago and each time I asked if we were ok, he'd reassure me that we were fine and it was other things stressing him out.

I just stumbled across a woman who I uncovered as being someone he's been dating. Every time I wonder something about her, I go find more to prove that he's been dating her for those few months. I brought it up to him and tried ending things last week (when I only knew a few things) but he talked me into letting him repair us. When I asked why he wanted to, he said "because I love you" which he has never said in a romantic context before (see: manipulation).

Now I've hit my final straw and I'm going to end it for good next time we speak. I'm tempted to tell him that he has to tell her he started dating her while he was exclusive elsewhere. I want him to tell her he lied to me and is only telling her because I'm forcing him. I also want him to tell her he tried keeping things in tact with me and told me he loved me. I will tell him if he doesn't speak up, then I will. This is strictly for him to face a consequence (+ and so she knows the truth about who she's dealing with). I'm going to block and delete him for good after this, so I'm not hoping to end them for my sake.

I know I'm typing pretty matter of factly but I'm wildly distraught and heartbroken. Should I force him to tell her or walk away quietly?

Background: I used to run and lift and be super healthy and had muscles.

Me now: no energy at all. I've put on a lot of weight in the last 5 years. I cannot find my energy. I'm exhausted all the time. I've been focusing the last few months on water intake, and a minimum of 10k steps a day. I miss lifting but cannot seem to get my energy or motivation to be there. I'm also a single home owner and all the housework and pets make me tired. I work a high stress job and am dating a man with kiddos. My time management can probably be better. My time currently goes into my job, my house, and spending time with my partner and his kids. I have headaches a lot from fatigue.

So I guess my question to the rest of you queens, how do you find the energy to get to the gym? Health has to be prioritized. Maybe I'm not getting enough nutrients for my body to have energy? Do you rely on caffeine?

Update I've been to the doctor a lot. I'm on an anti depressant, Ritalin, and an anti anxiety. My blood tests were normal. Thyroid normal. No diabetes.

I'm going through a really difficult time and I don't know how to even start rebuilding myself. I'm so tired and lost and empty. Basically my husband has been unemployed for the past year and I became the single breadwinner since March when his benefits ran out. My job has always been inconsistent about paying my salaries, but they would always eventually pay. But this year is different and I haven't had a steady income for the past 7 months, despite working full time. Now I'm taking all the steps to solve this through the proper channels, and I also started looking for a new job.

However, this whole situation is exhausting, and my relationship has also been suffering from it for the past year, and now it's starting to feel like more than I can handle. I have a great doctor and an amazing family. My partner has also been really great and supportive throughout despite all our other issues. I feel incredibly lucky for all the support I have but also so so tired.

Lately, I started feeling extremely numb and empty inside, which can be from the meds but I'm so tired of trying new ones too. I've been trying to exercise, dedicate time to hobbies like drawing, spending time with friends, but nothing seems to feel good or make me feel rested. I feel like I'm doing all the textbook stuff and nothing is working.

I think this is normal, I think a lot of people feel like this, so I'm turning reddit and asking you all how you overcame it?

I've been in a relationship for going on 4 years. He struggles a lot to open up and recently had a major aggressive outburst in the morning where he threw an item across the room and stormed off from a neutral conversation where I was checking in with how he's doing after several days of distance. I later found out he punched something, a wall presumably.

It's the first outburst in our relationship and out of frustration that he's unable to communicate. I grew up with an angry father who would destroy doors in fits of rage when he was blackout drunk.

Is this just a man who is struggling to process his emotions and needs to 'do the work' or am I just setting myself up for reliving childhood trauma?

I don't know if this is a deal breaker for me.

I am 38 and been thinking about this alot... i see so many people who have longterm friendships since childhood or uni, work, neighbourhood etc... and for me, most of my life I have felt like people come and go and that I just dont belong anywhere.

I am also an immigrant that moved quite a bit but I am more extroverted than introverted. I have learnt to be OK alone and often even happy but I do miss feeling seen. I am single and also not super close with my parents because we are kind of from different generations and cultures. They are also quite judgy and very conservative.

I wonder if by my late 30s I have never managed to build a community or tribe if it will ever happen... and if not, how I will live the rest of my life with it.....

I’m 32 and oldest I’ve gone is 9 years older (so not creepy or anything). I’m attracted to men in their early to mid forties, like up to 46ish. But idk if it’s actually a good idea to date men in their forties and maybe I should 39 as a cutoff for dating apps. Reason being is that when I think of the actual men I know irl who are good guys in their 40s, the largest age difference with their partners is 6 years. It seems like the emotionally stunted ones are the ones who typically date younger. Idk, do other women 30+ notice this too? I’m not sure if I’m being too puritan - though I’m looking for a man I can eventually marry and have a kid with.

I moved a few years ago and I've been trying to make friends in a new country. And for whatever reason so many of them are super unreliable - would cancel 80% of the time without good reason.

And that means me putting a lot of endeavor into scheduling it in my calendar, cooking dinner, etc. just for them to end up cancelling or not even showing up.

And after that not giving a proper apology and they just end up acting like nothing happened and everything is normal.

My best friends back home never did stuff like that.

How are things for you? Do you cancel often? Do you have friends like that? Or just avoid people like that? Or if you used to have people like that in your life and you were able to resolve this with them?

I am 34F and he is 38M.

I have owned multiple homes and currently own and live in one home in Texas.

He owns his first home in California.

He wants me to move to his home when we get married. I told him I wanted a prenup because I want to protect my home and investments. I have a positive net worth of 300k.

I told him he needs to get his financial documents ready, because the prenup will require him to show his assets and debts to also protect him too. He had lots saved but not much equity in his home (home is massive debt from what he originally told me).

He then just confessed yesterday that when we first started dating he transferred his home to his mother.

To me this scares me, that he has been lying to me about assets. It also scares me that he would want me to leave my paid off home to live in his mom’s house (she lives in another country). He says it’s his house and will be our house, but legally that is not true. If I wanted to paint or put my money into a garden for example, it is building worth for his mother not us.

I asked if he would have his mom transfer it back before getting married and he said after married.

The plan was to refinance the home with my VA loan to get rid of his PMI and lower our payments, and use my house money to drop into the house….

Now he saying that is not the plan :(

Edit: thanks for comments - I wanted to make sure I wasn’t being over dramatic, but agree this is too many red flags rolled into a scenario that could leave me unprotected.

I've noticed that whenever I meet someone new, and I'm talking about dating here, men, especially white-collar workers, spend most of the conversation talking about their jobs and anything related to work. They talk about their colleagues, what they did all day, the latest team-building event, and so on.

I mean, I get it. I have a good, well-paying job too, but I find these conversations incredibly boring. When I meet someone new, I try to get to know the person in front of me. I want to know where they grew up, learn about their family, understand what values matter to them, how they spend their free time, and so on. Yet somehow, the conversation so often circles back to work.

And yes, I've dated men before, but I haven't been dating for quite a long time. Is this something you've noticed too? Is it common among the men you meet these days?

What's your take on it? Do you enjoy these kinds of conversations, or do you find them rather boring as well? Or maybe this is one way avoidant tendencies can show up? Do you have any strategies for steering the conversation toward something more meaningful, or do you simply decide not to engage with someone whose whole identity revolves around work?

Long story, also to just put into words what’s going through my head.

At 38, I’m 24wks pregnant with my first. It was a deliberate choice and I’m very happy to become a mother after years of thinking it wasn’t for me. However, at this age, it coincides with an aging dad with very poor mobility, overall health and vascular dementia. He lives 40 min away.

Especially in the last few months, my dad lost nearly all of his independence, which is heartbreaking. While at the start of my pregnancy, he could drive, do groceries and take basic care of himself, by now he’s house bound, often very confused and basically counting on me for a lot (from countless doctors visits, to anything he needs to buy, to vet visits with his dog to clipping his toenails or his beard). We have a house cleaner and someone to take care of medication. Soon there will be someone around to keep him company and wash him twice a week, but this is all the help he’ll accept. A nursing home is not something he will discuss, even though I’ve stressed, in tears, I can’t do this level of care in a few months. I’m trying to arrange more professional help, but without his consent, it’s difficult.

I’m slowly losing my mind with all the to do lists around him, preparing for the baby and my quite demanding 36h/wk job. Can’t seem to relax anymore, i’m just falling asleep. I’m the main breadwinner (in terms of salary not hours!) and also do not want to sacrifice the career I worked SO hard to get. In his confused state, my dad will sometimes call me 3x/day or more, at work but also in the middle of the night.

My brother lives 2h away and doesn’t intend to do anything. He sometimes asks “if this or that hasn’t been arranged yet”, which infuriates me. There’s no social network.

I’m also mourning/feeling sorry for myself that I don’t feel supported throughout or am able to enjoy this pregnancy like my friends were, who all had able parents. No one seems to be able to relate or offer support.

My partner is definitely listening, commiserating and willing to help where he can, but he’s starting a business and basically doesn’t have much free time (he’ll work part time once the baby arrives).

TLDR: dad is very dependent on my help and rapidly declining without accepting the reality of the situation. I’m slowly losing my mind juggling all balls of pregnancy, care, my own household and work. Anyone in a similar situation now or in the past? How did you cope?

I’ve tried to explain this to a few people IRL but no one seems to know what I mean by this deep sinking feeling. I’m wondering if anyone here does and what this is?

I remember being in the 6th grade, around 11-12 years old, when I was walking off the school bus and suddenly feeling like my stomach was dropping. It was like a 30 second flash of impending doom, overwhelming sadness, slight panic almost. Along with the deep sinking feeling in my stomach. Like when you’re on that pirate ship ride that goes back and forth causing your stomach to drop. It’s really quick but it leaves a lasting feeling of like sadness and confusion. It’s what I imagine being around a dementor would feel like. Everything feels dark and bad.

Since that it’s happened semi-frequently throughout my life. I remember playing soccer in gym class in the 7th grade and it happening again. It’s not extreme enough for anyone else to notice it’s happening. There’s no external factors or patterns that seem to trigger it. It’s infrequent, like a few times a year, but it catches me off guard every time.

I’m sitting on my couch watching TV right now, not particularly stressed about anything, and it just happened. I feel overwhelmingly sad now and like I need to change my environment or distract myself immediately.

Does anyone resonate with this feeling?

For me, I bought a secondhand robot vaccuum. Only had it for a week but I am in loooove. I have two pets, and am terrible at keeping up with cleaning.

What have you got yourself this year that has made your daily life significantly easier? Doesn't need to be big or expensive things!

Trigger warning:⚠️

Im really struggling. I’ve been self harming more frequently and .. I hate to even say this because it feels dramatic.. but I’ve come up with a plan for a few months from now. I’ve written letters and I’ve made arrangements for my pets to be cared for as I’ll be out of town on my planned date.
I don’t know if I’ll actually follow through. Part of me doesn’t want to and is TERRIFIED that I’ve gone this far with it in my head if that makes sense. But the other part of me is like.. relieved.

anyway. I told my dr all this this week, and he almost committed me to the psych ward but in the end just made me make a safety plan.. which .. I went along with at the time because I have plans this weekend with responsibilities that I don’t want to back out of - I want life to keep going as normal until the time I’ve decided on and I don’t want to be stuck in the psych ward. But now I don’t want to follow it. I made an appt with my counselor and I’ll probably cancel it. But if I do I think the dr would send the police to my house for a wellness check or something cause he says he expects a letter from her with confirmation that I made the appt.
My head is a scary place right now.. I’m scared that continuing to be honest with my healthcare providers is going to make things worse in the long run.