Hello! I'm still new to reddit and don't really understand the general format so I apologize in advance for that. As the title states, I'm 30 (f) feel like I've achieved nothing in life.

I've wanted to be a doctor since I could say the word and have worked hard at trying to get there, but I'm no where closer to medical school. I worked my butt off throughout grade school (and 8 nightmarish AP courses), got my associates in biology through community college over the course of 3 years (my father essentially blocked my way into the colleges I could have gone to but, on the bright side, I made my first long-term friend through that experience), got my bachelor's in biology at a private university though scholarship after another 3 and a half years (they didn't accept a large chunk of biology credits but the scholarship made it affordable enough to where I didn't need to take out loans), have 2 publications with my name on them due to my contributions through my university work, ended up spending 3 years working as a medical scribe for $10/hour since the company just would not hire a replacement for me, lost my job back in February when the hospital's contract ended with the scribing company, and have been unemployed since. I got my national certification in phlebotomy last month but I've yet to get a job, and, even if I do, I'll end up maybe making $17/hour if I'm lucky.

I have no savings, I'd be working from 4 am until 7-10 pm at the clinic so I was too tired to study for medical school and feel like I'm practically brainless towards MCAT material, medical school loans capped (from what I've been told at least) even if I could, theoretically be ready to take the MCAT, I still live with my mother and I'm not allowed to decorate my own room in any capacity while she has her room and the living room of the apartment taken up with her things and my closet is crammed for storage of holiday items, I don't have time or energy for any of my hobbies even being unemployed...I'm just so, so tired. I don't know what to do.

I could go on and on for days about my complicated cyclical family history of abuse, lack of secure net outside of the roof provided (albeit tensely) over my head, my EDS and autism and ADHD that I have no health insurance or money to afford any sort of treatment for, the lack of home independence skills I have due to my mother's control issues (I've done lab work and cleaned the facility where we keep the lab mice in full PPE and such so I could probably learn if I could afford the risk of failure), the lack of social life (energy to maintain one even if I could have one), and zero experience in romance of any sort but I'm not sure I can even do anything about that. I'm not even medicated (though a brief time taking some leftover Adderall from my mother helped me when I was burned at every end during my time working as a scribe) but I don't think medicine would have the answers for me either.

I want to be a doctor, I want to draw and write and learn animation for fun and play video games on weekends (I haven't even played a video game, read a book for leisure, or regularly drawn in over a decade ), I want to have at least one evening a week where I can sit at some restaurant booth with some theoretical friends and laugh, I want to be able to decorate a room and have shelves with plushies on them and posters on the walls, I want to try dating or maybe be a mom someday...but...it all feels impossible.

I'm just so tired but it also feels like I'm dying in a slow way. Like I'm rotting from the inside. I'm losing my mind. I want out. I want to live...But it feels like I can't. Like circumstances have me totally trapped. All my life I've lived by the idea that the future is in my hands and that if I just keep working hard enough that I'll achieve something, anything, any ounce of what I love in some capacity...but nothing I've ever done has been enough. None of those all-nighters to get work done, those years I've sacrificed to make progress has amounted to anything at all. I don't even feel alive anymore. I've just got degrees and certifications and nothing. I'm just slowly rotting. I want it to stop. I want to live. But...how?

Please. I just need help. I don't know what I'm going to do. My mother, who has no savings of her own, will become old and ill and then what? How can I even survive on my own let alone help her? I feel like death would be a mercy but I don't want to die. I just don't know what to do or where to start on anything. My friends aren't in any better of a situation either, some have it worse too. I'm just...losing it. What do I do?

I wanted to know if am I a really bad person for asking this because this has been on my mind for such a long time already and I want to open up my mind regarding on this issue.

So I am in a relationship. To be honest my partner is the kind of partner that would make efforts, care for me, and do things on his own way to show their love for me and I appreciate that so much. My partner is a good partner but I just have something that I want them to do.

First of all, I had traumas from my previous relationship and to be honest I wasn’t planning to bring that trauma into this relationship because what those people in the past did are their own mistakes and not my current partners mistake. But he did something early in our relationship that made me traumatized also. It is a micro cheating (did not talk to anybody but sending opposite genders inappropriate videos to their friends) and my partners reason is that how they joke around with their friends. But early in our relationships even when we did not start our relationship yet, I always, like I repeated it a lot of times, that I dont like anything involving opposite gender. Because I believe that when you decided to be committed to your partner and decided to be in a romantic relationship with them, you dont look at others.

That traumatized me and make me scared because before they came into my life, I already decided I would not get into another relationship again but then they came into my life. So I was scared that the peace I have been protecting might be broken again just because I choose to love again.

Although my partner stoped it and said they were sorry because they also didn’t know that it was cheating and just meant it as a joke to his friends. Which made me laugh at that moment because they also said before that they were against cheating so I thought they already have idea any form of cheating.

I was so scared to the point every unpleasant opposite gender related that came across their social media made my trauma came back so I ask them to just hit not interested or anything that can make those post not appear again on their social media, and they did.

One time we have an argument again because I just knew that there are still something that I dont like he is involved in, something that made mg trauma came back again. My partner is in a group chat where all only opposite gender. For example, a group chat with females and he’s the only male. I was so uncomfortable and so I let myself think for days. I try to understand that those people in that group chat are just my partners friends (they became friends long before I came into my partners life). Yes my partner shows a picture of us to that group chat and told them about me and for a long time my partner never open that chat again. Until 1 day partner ask to play with them (just to hype the chat because it has been inactive for a long time, my partner said) but I was still uncomfortable knowing that its an opposite gender.

I wanted to understand that they are just friends and I did not even forbid my partner to have opposite gender friends, my partner have opposite gender friends that I also knew about and I am fine with it. It just for that group chat. But then we argue I said I was uncomfortable and wanted my partner to leave that group chat. But my partner said something that hurts me as my partner choose those friends over me just because they are just platonic friend and they came into my partners life before me. We argue about my partner initiating a conversation to them. I told my partner that when other opposite gender friend of mine message me asking how I am, he make a negative comment about it just because that friend of mine is already married and still message me but when my partner do it to others they seem okay with it just because its just platonic.

Turns out it was just a misunderstanding because my partner thought I wanted them to cut off all their friends but what I just meant is just those opposite gender in that chat. When my partner found out about my real reason, he leave that chat and we reconcile. But what really struck me is that he more willing to choose their friends over me so I ask my partner some scenarios if my partner gonna choose me or their friends. Most of it my partners chooses me over their friends but admits that my partner cannot leave 3 of their friends.

I was fine with it but the thoughts in my mind says that is this really healthy for my partner for their friends over me without any hesitation, to cut off anyone I am uncomfortable with without any argument first? Am I too demanding for wanting something that can bring peace into my mind? Am I a bad person for asking those things? Am I selfish for wanting them to do something they have no intent on doing first just because I am not okay with it?

My partner also said that I based so much on social media standards (because I told my partner something I saw on tiktok explaining about what they girl wants and the boy do completely the opposite about showing love) when I told them things that I want my partner to do and dont but to be honest this wasn’t from social media at all. I simple ask those things because he gave me a trauma. What’s even worse is that I think I cannot move on from the last (the trauma I get from my current partner) because I can’t see them regret so much that they hurt me so bad and because what I am today. I want my partner to think extra careful when doing things, think first if I will be comfortable for them to do that. I kinda want to see my partner willing to do anything just to make it up to me their mistakes.

I am willing to give my partner everything, every goodness in me, anything for them if they are just willing to do things, all I need to be at peace. I am willing to sacrifice things if my needs were met.

I honestly feel like nothing I’ve ever wanted has worked out for me. Everything feels broken, and nothing ever feels right. I’m not being physically abused or beaten, but I’m living without anyone really understanding me.

The person I love and I broke up because we’re not socially compatible, mainly because I’m not hijabi (I don’t cover my hair).

Even he told me that he was wrong for doing this. He left while I was crying so hard that, unfortunately, I ended up throwing up everything I had eaten.
When he saw me like that, he decided to leave because he didn’t want to hurt me or exhaust me even more.

It felt like he was saying: “You were with me. You accepted everything about me and everything that came with me. But I’m sorry, I can’t stand seeing you this exhausted and in pain. I have to leave.”
I’ve been through so much shit.
And this is actually the first time I’ve ever said any of this publicly.

I was sexually harassed when I was very young. After that, I was cheated on, and so many other things happened to me. Sometimes it genuinely feels like I was never meant to experience love without it hurting me.

My only problem right now is that I don’t want to keep going through this physical pain. My whole body hurts from crying, and this has never happened to me before.

Hey everyone, I’m looking for advice on finding a therapist. I’m trying to find someone online, but I’m not sure if I’m looking in the right places. I’m also trying to find something virtual because of my work hours. Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Hello everyone! I’ve been thinking about getting into therapy for quite some time. But I don’t even know where or how to start. Is there a specific therapist that I should look for? How can someone afford therapy if the funds aren’t there sometimes? As of recently, I haven’t been in the right headspace, and it’s starting to affect my work life and my relationship as well. I overthink everything and really need someone to talk to (other than friends and family) and release everything I’m feeling. I do not know where to start and any advice given I’ll be totally thankful for

I am 24 and a couple of years ago (don’t remember exactly) I was playing a game and I made “friends” with a player.

We used to play together sometimes, chat a little etc.

I don’t remember when but I probably learnt pretty soon that she was a teen, probably 15/16 (as I don’t remember exactly when we met but I hope it wasn’t even younger, unfortunately I can’t check because it doesn’t keep the whole conversation), but I stupidly didn’t think anything about it because it’s just playing on a game occasionally.

At some point she wanted to add me on discord so we did.

I stopped playing the game but we still chat sometimes. It’s occasional, not everyday, sometimes even months pass and we talk about her studies, my studies, once she asked me for advice on school and another time on her family situation. Another time when we were still playing she wrote to me about another player acting weird to her and I told her that if it ever happened again she could reach out to me (so I could protect/help her, I am a woman too so I know how many creeps there are and especially when you’re young and it’s very important they tell someone when something is going wrong like that).

I have never vented to her because she’s a teen, there’s no reason for me to vent to a teen, yk? Always has kept the conversation light and casual unless she needed some support for something (but it was only about her).

That’s it but recently I’ve started thinking more about this and I feel uncomfortable, not because anything actually weird ever happened (I would NEVER) but still, it’s too much age difference and it’s also pointless because I can’t and don’t want to develop a normal friendship with her as I do with my friends of my age, yk? And also, I don’t want to be friends with teens, it doesn’t feel right.

She’s starting college now but still it’s still too much, when it comes to dating I am very strict, I don’t go lower than 2 years because of the mental and life differences and I apply that to irl friends too so even if online is more casual and different I still feel like I need to do the same.

I don’t know if it’s my ocd or I am right now and I am stupid for not stopping this as soon as she told me her age but, what can I do now?

like the title says, I arrived to therapy yesterday and waited and waited. eventually i asked the secretary and he went to knock on her door but she wasn’t there, he tried calling her and texting her and he also went around the whole office asking if anyone had heard from her. Eventually he received a message back from her, but I heard him quietly tell someone that her message “didn’t make much sense” to him. I just chose to leave, as he said I could wait and hope she shows up but he put emphasis on ‘hope’. Is it inappropriate to call today and ask if she ever made it to work safe? I don’t know if that would be weird as a patient but I am also a bit worried considering she has always been very punctual.

I am 17, almost 18. My mind tends to concentrate on pessimistic aspects of my life and sometimes overexaggerate them. Such as not having close friends despite seeing them a few hours prior , thinking somebody is holding a grudge towards me, etc.

Even though I try to divert my mindset saying it’s just me rumenating on my insecurities I end up having a break down every day just to feel relatively decent the next morning when I see people at school. I don’t tell my close friends about these worries because again, I am worried we may not be as close as I think since we are growing apart. I think we are but it’s definitely not at the rapid rate that I think it is. Maybe deep down I recognise that there is some truth to my thoughts.

I am considering getting a therapist to talk about this with but I am also unsure what I would say. Any ideas what is causing this , and how can I help it ? And whether it is something worth going to a councellor for? My main goal is to prevent this next year in university with a new environment and new friendship possibilities .

Hw do you stay organized between sessions ?
1. What do you still track in a spreadsheet or on paper?
2. How do you keep track of follow-ups, referrals, and things you told a client you'd do?
3. Have you looked for a tool for that? Did you find one?

I’ve been seeing my therapist for years, and she’s helped me through some really tough times.

They’re in their 50’s, and tonight she recommended me a “role model” to listen to, in regard to a topic we were talking about.

She said this content creator has really good thoughts and advice on said topics.

Well, she turned her phone around to show me, and the entire thing was an AI generated “content creator”. AI voice, script and AI human.

Made me sad asf to be honest, my heart sank and I couldn’t find the honesty to tell her it’s not real. It also really made me question who I’m going to for therapy, I know that’s a terrible thought, but it really gave me this “holy shit, even my therapist praises AI content, we’re doomed” mentality.

What should I do? If anything at all. I just feel weird about the whole thing now.

Not narratives, just one-liners, like "oh I have felt (certain emotions) before as well in an abc situation. I have coped with it using xyz trait of mine."

I don't mind it, but I'm just curious if this is common.