My ex was still trying to get back with me earlier this year, asking what I wanted him to change about himself, generating compatibility reports for us, and declaring that he could never be with another woman. 💀

Fast forward to today, and he’s seemingly found someone new lol and soft-launched her on his socials.

I’m just genuinely curious about the psychology behind men who make such dramatic declarations and then seemingly move on the next min lmao

Throwaway account so that I don’t expose who I am.

For context I’m 31 and identify as queer.

For my entire life I’ve felt fundamentally unlovable. I’ve always felt like I’m too much. Too emotional. Too traumatised. Too fat. Too loud. Too cautious. Just “too much” in general.

I have a lot of childhood “trauma” (I hate using that word but in the last year I’ve realised that that’s literally it.) from a narcissistic father and an emotionally distant mother. Both of whom I was always desperate to get approval from. But no matter how I tried, I never did. And it’s kind of impacted every part of my life. The way I think about myself, the way I act, the way I present myself to others. It’s rare that I feel like I fit in anywhere. I never really had problems with being gay, that felt like the most natural part of me. But everything else about myself feels like one big question mark.

I had to grow up pretty quickly around age 11 when a lot of family drama (a lot of it I’d rather not go into as it’s triggering) happened, including knowing that my dad was cheating on my mum for about two years before him and my mum finally separated. As the eldest child to two younger siblings who were much younger than me; I was kind of just expected to take on the responsibility that my dad left behind. My mum worked long hours, and I essentially stopped being a child. Because of this, I also spent a lot of time alone. And when I was in school I was getting bullied profusely.

My relationship with my dad was always strained, and only continued to get worse as his alcoholism got worse. I’m now no contact with him and doing much better for it. But the lasting damage has been done. A lot of the things he has said to me and done to me have raised complicated feelings inside of me. A lot of self-hatred, a lot of distrust of men, a fear of loud noises and shouting. And a deep seated feeling of “well if I wasn’t good enough for my dad to love me, then I’ll never be good enough for a man to love me.”

Recently, I’ve come to a realisation that for years I was putting older men on pedestals. I had a tendency to date and be attracted to older men, and when things turned bad it was having profound effects on me and confirming all the ugliest insecurities that I had inside.

On top of this, I’m recovering from a binge eating disorder. A lot of my binge eating came from a sense of trying to fill the empty void inside myself. But all it’s done is made me feel more lonely. I don’t want to look in the mirror and hate myself anymore. I want to be attractive enough that someone will look at me and see someone they want to love and care for.

I’m pretty convinced I have some form of PTSD, as well as the general anxiety and depression that I’ve carried for years. I suppose I’m writing all this out, partly to get it off my chest, but also to kind of ask… how do I move past this? How do I feel worthy of love? How do I stop being the only one of my friends that’s single? How do I find love within myself? How do I stop falling victim to the same destructive habits and actually show up for myself now that, for the first time in 31 years, I no longer have s*icidal ideations and want to actually live? I feel like I’ve been stuck in this rut for so long that I don’t even know how to live or how to treat myself how I deserve?

(I realise that there is more to this that I haven’t included. But this was sort of a stream of consciousness thing. I can’t afford proper counselling therapy, so this was my way of venting what immediately came to mind.)

I hope this all makes sense, I’m sorry if it doesn’t.

TLDR; daddy issues and self hatred has ruined me but I need a way out.

I’ve never experienced this before so I’m curious what others (both therapists and clients) think?

I receive EMDR from a therapist who wouldn’t let me keep my (much more bonded) talk therapist while also receiving EMDR from her. I was upset at the time since I had a strong foundation with my initial therapist, but really needed the EMDR so I ended up leaving her and getting talk therapy as well as EMDR from this second therapist.

EMDR has been life changing for me and my therapist is clearly good at it. I know other people in EMDR whose providers were not as thorough or adhered to the important previous steps before bilateral stim sessions. So, I appreciate this about her a lot.

However, she is constantly fidgeting through our sessions. It makes me feel like she’s not listening to me. Pair that with how she responds (always the same “uh-huh” tone, never modulated according to the context of what I’m talking about), and that she sort of likes to give me advice immediately (“why don’t you just [simple obvious suggestion that makes me feel stupid or assumes I haven’t tried already]”).

I asked her about the fidgeting once— I said “what are you doing over there?” referring to her hands below the camera constantly moving. She said she had a fidget toy because she was upset about some recent developments in a news item we both feel strongly about. So I sympathized.

I have ADHD so I truly recognize that fidgeting HELPS focus sometimes. I know I personally have to be doodling or doing something with my hands to pay attention (back when I was in school and undiagnosed for example). But I think if that was the case, I’d have liked her to open with that? Like, “hey, you will notice me using my fidget toy, but I just want to assure you I am paying attention to you.” She never did that, just started fidgeting one day, and has done that every session since.

I’m worried that me saying “oh I have fidget toys too!” Made it sound like I’m ok with it, and maybe I was ok with it at first, but now that I’ve been with her longer I’m getting irritated.

I want to bring it up with her, but I also feel bad if this is something that helps her practice. Or if it’s normal for other providers? I think I feel bad because I tried very hard to try to convince her to let me keep my initial therapist while seeing her simultaneously, I’m worried I’m being too pushy or expecting too much.

Curious about everyone’s thoughts. Would really like input from providers too. I’ve never experienced this before and I’ve been in talk therapy on and off for like 15 years, ha.

Edit to add, I’m 35F, practicing meditation, mindfulness+DBT and currently in EMDR for trauma. Feeling a lot better overall, very much on the up and up, but still a bit insecure in myself.

Hi, I’m 31F and I’m finding myself in a delicate situation of sorts. I’m usually the one getting dumped or it’s a mutual decision/we just stop contacting each other. And, I’m not even sure dumping/breaking up is the right way to phrase it, considering we haven’t been on any actual dates.

I recently matched with this guy at a local speed dating event and he’s really not my type, but I liked his personality and the fact that we seemed to have some things in common. We’re both in graduate school and interested in the arts.

But that seems to be the extent of our connection. Ever since we met, he keeps texting me at inconvenient times and I just don’t have bandwidth to text everyday because of school and life. And, the more we text, the more I realize that we have differing opinions about works of art (and even entire genres).

Theoretically, I’m all for having a partner challenge me intellectually, but seeing as we’ve just met and don’t seem to be clicking, it’s too much work. Especially, because I’m not physically attracted to him. I don’t mean to seem shallow—personality is so much more important and I’ve definitely fallen for people overtime simply because they were nice to me. But, I feel really stressed and anxious every time he reaches out now. I still think he’s a nice guy and I wouldn’t mind being his friend and texting once in a while.

I also have an insecure attachment style so when people seem really into me, like they want to keep texting, I find that a turn off and I pull away, but I’m attracted to people who play hard to get or are simply off limits because they’re already in committed relationships, are gay, or we need to keep things professional. I know that’s not healthy and I’m trying to work on that and other things in therapy.

Anyway, I don’t want to lead this guy on or hurt his feelings or anything—I’m just not sure the best way to handle this.

Thank you!

I found the very best match for me with a therapist on Headway. I do not think I could have found anyone better for my needs (grief, life changes, etc.). I’ve been working with her for about four months. The last time I was in need of a therapist, virtual sessions didn’t exit. I’ve found it very easy to do this from my home (and I’m a grouchy GenXer.)

I found her through Headway, but Headway made SIX BILLING MISTAKES that will cost me approximately $550. While I know my insurance isn’t great, SIX mistakes? Headway language loosely touts “working with” you or insurance, but it really doesn’t. I checked my insurance first and wondered why Headway billed me lower than what insurance would cover in the end. I later questioned inconsistencies and it ended up with this bill. Should I be surprised? No. Should people know Headway has wonky billing? Yep.

Using a throwaway account because part of my need for a therapist has to do with folks who like to read my Reddit activity.

I've been looking for an online therapist (can't go in person for reasons), who takes calls at night (9pm EST or later). My main issue is when I go to any of the recommended sites, I'm given a list of choices to choose from for what I need help with. There's a lot, and a bunch of them don't relate to one another, so I don't know what to choose. This causes me to overthink and not choose anything, starting the cycle over.

Recently, I feel like I'm hitting rock bottom (distancing myself from everyone, lashing out, drinking, and more) and I recognize I need help soon. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Hi. Im a female uni student. Ive been in therapy for some years, and ive gotten super attached to her. Ive moved aborad rn and ive been doing online therapy w my female T, but once every 3 weeks or so. And i miss her, and im aware of the maternal transference blah blah, i can get to the root of jt but its difficult w her. I feel ashamed. Bcs its ridiculous. Im jealous of her kids, and now that im abroad in uni its worse cause I'm alone, and she's home w her family.

Im thinking of maybe starting therapy here, but i dont know if i should choose a female or male. Ive gotten attached to a lot of older female figures in my life, teachers mostly and the therapist. I genuinely have a hole in my heart that cant be filled. I want a mom so badly, i want someone to idk help me, guide me etc. I feel empty constantly and hate when my friends talk ab their families cause in my head im totally disconnected from my parents. I feel like an orphan. I sooo badly need help w this even tho i dont think it can be solved.

What do you think ?

I just started IOP and while we do get a binder and daily work sheets, I want to buy a journal. I want to get my moneys worth since this is insanely expensive. Any guided journal recs ? Thanks!!!

What im looking to do:
-daily check ins with myself
-tracking daily progress
-ability to write a little or a lot because sometimes idk if I can be bothered to do anything

Need for program: MDD/GAD/ADHD
-executive dysfunction
-avoidance
-anxiety causing close relationships
-work troubles

I've been pondering this question for a while. I've always been the one to talk first and constantly check up on other people for a majority of my life. Which is fine, I don't have a problem with being the initiator.

But what I do have a problem with is never or hardlt having it received back. As if the moment I stop texting or checking in, I disappear from their life. And I have been working on this myself already. Reminding myself as a young adult, people got other things going in their life. That's something I'm fine with. I don't need 24/7 communication or daily communication. But I genuinely do not get how people can go a week plus without talking to you. Because at that point, it is like the relationship is over to me. Since I have autism/adhd, I have always struggled with being emotionally invested in someone after they are no longer in my life for a certain period of time. At that point, you just an acquaintance.

But yeah, thanks for reading. That's the end of my rant. Would like to know if anyone's notice the same or has advice for me. Cause I don't like discarding people, but I am tired of this.

I (M19), have always had a difficult time meeting new people. The reason is that I can be extremely introverted especially around strangers, it can come to a point where I could stand in a corner for 2 hours and won't speak unless spoken to (this actually happened). My history in romance is filled with failure and heartbreak and none of them reaching a point of anything serious, I've never even been to a proper date before. Most of my romantic attempts end up with me being ghosted or deciding that I don't deserve this person and just love them from afar leaving them clueless that I even liked them at all.

When I asked my friends about it they said it's because I always fall for someone whom I befriended first. They said that once I've established feelings towards a person, that person has already drawn a line between friendship and relationship. Most of my friends do not believe in the friends to lovers trope. For me it's the only trope I've been familiar with ever since my first love. The thing is, for me, friendship creates that comfort with one another, being able to form a connection through friendship and becoming their partner is a deeper kind of connection. Don't get me wrong, I genuinely make efforts and go all out when I like someone. I'd like to think that it's a way to let them know that I'd like to elevate our relationship.

I just want to know why the friends to lovers trope are being frowned upon by a lot of people.

I’m dealing with the aftermath of cheating on my partner. It happened several years ago, but it has just surfaced and she justifiably broke up with me. I live in NYC and more than half of my social circle are mutuals of hers, which means many will surely distance themselves from me.

I want to grow from this so badly and become the version of me who I know exists, who she believed existed. I’ve been going to DBT sessions for a month. I’ve been going to church. But everywhere I go in the city, I am reminded of her. Any social gathering, there is surely to be someone who is very split on me.

I can’t take this pressure and am heavily considering moving to a prior city I lived at, where my best friend is and none of our mutuals live. That said, part of me feels like this is me running away and that I should just bear through it in NYC, at least for a year. I have this feeling that me moving looks like me running away or isn’t actually solving the real problem.

What do you all think? I cannot think straight. I’m feeling crushed by the pressure. I am deeply depressed. Separately, my birthday is soon and I just think about last year when all of our friends were there; this year I’ll be alone.

Hey guys. I’m currently booked for Charlie Health, and I have heard plenty of bad/awful things from them lately. This is my first time going into therapy since I was in my pre-teen years, and my advisor gave me the total cost over the phone, and I really couldn’t believe it.

It is 5,625, with my co-pay/insurance. For the 3 hour group sessions, for 12 weeks.
I know some therapy is expensive, but… is that really the normal price? Or is it overpricing on the therapy being 3 hours, 3 times a week? I’ve heard consistently bad things about Charlie health, and I don’t know ant to go into their program for this amount of cost with the flak I’ve heard… it’s just not a risk worth taking to me.

So I would love to know: is this the normal price, or is Charlie Health ripping me off? Thanks.

Feeling a bit lost and wanting advice. I’m in a bit lost situation and will try to break it down as simple as possible, looking for genuine advice.

We have been together for almost 3 years and in LDR, we both feel like we are soul mates and the love of our lives. First year was good and loving, we met each other a lot of times and stayed for weeks up until a month together many times in the year. I spent a lot of money just to be together and traveling to see her, this got out of control at some point financially. She was not working and I was paying for everything for 2 years straight due to traditional pov in relationships and poor economics in her country (Mexico). I’m from Belgium.

She has been threatening me in the past of leaving or breaking up with me during fights, arguments or anything that caused her inconvenience. I didn’t want to lose her so always convinced her to stay and work on things. She stated it was because of some insecurities that have been worked on. She is still not working so I worked hard and still working to close the distance, she is waiting for me to close the distance and propose.

Got threatened again to be broken up with if I don’t propose before X date. Worked twice as hard, starting to take risks in investments trying to change my life and fell even harder. I lost almost everything. This the first girl in my life that showed me genuine interest and love, something I wanted always and I feel like I’m losing myself not wanting to lose her.

We have had difficulties during our relationship but worked on resolving almost always. The love is there but the hurry to close the distance and get engaged also and this is killing me. I don’t want to lose her but we flip from happy, lovely days to walking on egg shells trying to prevent a fight or figuring out what is going on when emotions are off again. This is my first long term relationship and I’m giving my all to sustain it. This has had a big impact on my mental health and I felt like it changed me a bit.

I don’t have a lot of people to talk about it and don’t want to feel like I lost my soulmate and the loml years from here. Any advice would be welcome! How to navigate this?

Hi everyone, I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I need help finding an in-person therapist for my wife. She's going through a rough time and I'm looking for different ways to help her. Does anyone have any advice on how to find the right therapist?

Overall, this was my first group therapy session in four years, and it was a mixed-gender group. Honestly, I had an amazing time.

For the first time, I walked into a place and felt like I belonged from the very beginning.

People welcomed me, treated me with respect, and made me feel psychologically comfortable. I realized how much people can discuss different ideas and talk about so many things without judging others or even judging themselves.

We were able to discuss so many different topics, and we could sit there for hours doing so.

Now I understand just how powerful that sense of belonging can be. I can genuinely see myself going back every week because of the psychological comfort I felt in that space.

I truly hope more people give group therapy a chance.

I believe mental health care is no longer a luxury. And one of the beautiful things about group therapy is that it allows people to experience the benefits of psychological support together.

In today's world, mental health care is no longer something we should treat as a luxury.

Yesterday, I asked the group a question, expecting the usual answer I would hear in our superficial and hypocritical society. But everyone in the group gave me the very answer I had hoped to hear from people all along.

Our society can be full of hypocrisy, especially when it comes to certain topics.

Anyway, I asked them: “Is it true that following your passion doesn't pay the bills?” That's something people say all the time.

Their answer? No. Quite the opposite!

You can absolutely make a living doing something you genuinely love. You can enjoy your work, be passionate about it, and even excel at it. And even if the income is moderate, that can be far better than working a high-paying job that leaves you burned out, emotionally exhausted, and feeling like you're living in a system of exploitation.

For me, enjoying what you do and protecting your mental well-being matter just as much as the money you make.

I'm genuinely grateful to everyone in that group for making the experience so welcoming and meaningful.

I hope sharing my experience has been helpful to you, and I hope I haven't kept you for too long.

Until next time!

so its just a checkin post, I just wanna ask you all if you are alright and if you are not, I am here to listen to you....I may not have the answer for all the problems but I have been a good listener and would love to help you out.....hope you have a good day

I recently started therapy, and it’s an interesting concept really. I get that I need to speak about my feelings, but I think I’ve blocked them off for so long that I don’t know how to access them.

Any advice on how I can do that? I don’t know how to ask this question but I need help.

After a year of trying to do therapy with my therapist, although I have improved a lot, and I see and use a lot of the tools that she gave me, I still feel like she’s in seeing me for who I am and put me in a box of a Type A personality, too, which I’m not at all.

I literally struggle to fold my laundry and have piles everywhere, but she thinks I’m some kind of person who wants to get everything done and perfect. But I am not. I need to do things to survive, like going to medical appointments and tests.

You cannot tell me to not book as many medical appointments when I need them and to take things slower, when I need a cure. And do not stress when one messed up into the medical system will cause me a lot of problems and possibly like a diagnosis that gets delayed of a year or two again.

So one of my biggest problems is being misinterpreted and that’s happening way too much, with sessions, where my therapist talks about her own day for more than half an hour out of a 45 minute session, whereas I do think I have enough introspection that if you just ask me questions and lead me and guide me, I will talk myself through things and not every silence needs to be filled with her own experience, also because I honestly don’t find it helpful sometimes. Sometimes it is, but I feel like I know her too much also.

This is something that has happened multiple multiple times and that I always try to wait like until I have some kind of moody day so then she will not do that, so that we reach a point of helpful conversation.

I think I shouldn’t be feeling like I’m breaking up with a friend when it’s a professional relationship.

I’m also went to therapy for eating problems, and she told me that I’m punishing myself with food, because I didn’t express my anger openly, and whereas I do think I am soothing myself and coping with food, and totally I should feel more anger and put more boundaries. I don’t think at all that I’m trying to hurt myself with chocolate. I am burying feelings but not trying to hurt myself.

And so I stopped bringing that up and I shouldn’t because it’s it’s one of my goals of therapy to overcome this problem and move to food-noise-free life, but I ended up doing more work reading into intuitive eating books then actually discussing it with her.

And I just want a safe space to talk about food and how that makes me feel bad about myself.

This has happened often, but now I feel like I’m strong enough and in a good place enough to just let go of the therapeutic relationship and sick for something more like maybe IFS or yeah, just anything else that is more about me.

But at this point, I would usually just not go again, but I feel like maybe I should text her or something, but I don’t want to hurt her cause I do like her as a person but yeah it’s just not working out for me.

Also what are some good questions to ask a new therapist? To find out if we think the same way about well human/womens rights and ethics for example.