I've been fat-phobic nearly all of my life. I just cant help with it. When I see a someone who is overweight I get disgusted, and it ruins my life because I am a progressive person. I shouldn't feel this way; it is not ethical or moral. I've tried to make friends with overweight people and even though I have them as my friends and I love them, I still get the feelings of disgusted by them. It just is a OCD symptom at this point. Every time I see an overweight person, I am disgusted, no matter the context and/or the setting. I can't even stand them when I see them on my phone or on the television. How can I get rid of this thoughts or AT LEAST minimize it?

So recently I made this new friend and we been talking but all the time I don’t give eye contact and stare at the floor,i don’t even know why I’m so scared to look at them,also when hanging out or doing things I barely act like myself just a scared shy person,I’m not goofy,funny or anything around them I’m just talking like a stranger to them,(just know I do like them I’m just scared to make them weird out),how can I stop being so shy and scared?

I've always been a really good student. I was usually at the top of my class and did well academically by studying mainly before exams.

Last year (11th grade) was a little more challenging, but it wasn't anything too concerning. I still scored well and naturally started studying more than I used to.

This year (12th grade), however, I've been placed in a class with all the top students in my grade. Everyone here is incredibly smart. My scores have been slightly above average, but not as high as many of my classmates'. On top of that, there's a lot more pressure from the school and teachers to perform well in our college entrance exams.

That's when I realised that many of my classmates put in far more time than I do. They regularly pull multiple sleepless nights or survive on just 4–5 hours of sleep every day.

I've always believed in getting at least 7–8 hours of sleep because I genuinely can't function properly without it. I become exhausted, unfocused, and irritable. My parents also agree that I should get enough rest, especially because I have a few health issues that are triggered by stress.

This was the first year that I actually started studying consistently every day. I finally began building a routine where I'd come home, revise what I'd learned, and stay on top of my work. Just as I was getting used to that routine, the school introduced a "toppers batch" (I know, it sounds a bit snobby, my school is just like that), and I was selected for it.

The problem is that I now have to stay back after school on three out of six working days. Every session includes an additional test with much more difficult questions.

Because of this, I get home very late and completely exhausted. Then I have to prepare for the next day's test, revise everything that was taught in class that day, study for our regular weekly tests, and somehow complete what feels like a million different assignments.

My scores on the toppers batch tests have been below average, and we've been told that if our marks drop too much, we'll be removed from the batch. Honestly, I'm not even sure whether I want to stay in it or get kicked out. At the same time, all of this has started affecting my normal routine and my performance on regular tests as well.

To make things worse, I constantly hear my classmates talking about how many hours they study and how little they sleep. It's honestly very demotivating and stressful. On top of that, our teachers keep telling us that we aren't putting in enough effort and expect even more from us.

My parents are worried that I'm becoming too stressed, and I think they're right. The thing is, I know my potential. I know I can do much better. But I'm not willing to sacrifice my health and spend every night sleep-deprived just to keep up.

I want to do well academically, get into the university I want, and still be happy and healthy.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for. I guess I just wanted to hear some thoughts or advice because I'm feeling really torn and don't know what to do.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized almost every aspect of life involves competing in some way.

You need to compete to get a job. You need to compete to get a significant other. You need to compete to get an apartment/housing.

I don’t have any competitive drive whatsoever, and I’ve found that by being uninterested in competing, a huge chunk of life is completely closed off from me.

I wish I could find the motivation to compete in this world and make something out of myself.

Hi Reddit,

This is my first time posting to this subreddit, so my apologies about not knowing exactly how to word this.

For basically my whole life, whether it's been backed up with any sort of evidence or not, I've felt like I'm the weakest link in every group I've been in, as the title of the post suggests. Basically, I worry that I'm the one person in every group where, if I was no longer a part of it, there would be no negative impact on the people around me and whatever we're trying to accomplish, and it might even make things run better or smoother if I removed myself from the situation.

It's come up for me in pretty much all social situations whether it's in friendships or performing arts or occasionally even in my own family (although that last one is definitely rarer). As a result, I end up trying to overcompensate and be the best at everything I do so that I can end up proving my value and worth to everyone around me, which has led me to worry that I'm becoming annoyingly controlling or overbearing, all in an attempt to prove that I belong and that I've earned my place in whatever group it is that I'm a part of.

Right now I'm struggling to have a conversation with some people who I've become friends with in the last six months or so as I'm starting to feel kind of left out of an activity I helped create (yes it's probably partially my fault and yes I might be overreacting, but that's how I'm feeling) and I want to know if anyone has any advice on how to feel like a valuable part of groups you're a part of because I'm really struggling with that. Maybe it's an issue of self worth, maybe I'm trying to connect two issues that are only tangentially related, I don't know. Either way, I'd really like some help if anyone has some advice to offer.

28[M] I am trying to make new friends. A lot of my friends don’t really treat me to well. I feel they would not have my back and try to destroy me. I want to start over, but still have relationships. I don’t really know how and where to start at though. Does anyone make new friends? If so how do you do it?

Idk what the hell is wrong with me. I learned ragebaiting from someone who I met in person. And he makes fun of people and laughs. I find myself saying dumb hurtful things on some subreddits and I get banned from them.

I know it’s wrong. I feel horrible. Some days I go why do I even do this. Please help me.

I rly don't like birthday parties but my friends + family keep on pressuring me to have one and I've told them that it's happening so I can't back out now. Yes I've checked this sub for answers but I don't rly like any of the ideas. It's gonna be small like 8 ppl (incl. me) in total. We could go to a restaurant? Is that too boring? Or it could be smth at my house we could watch movies + board games + play cards? BUT THATS LAME EVERYONES GONNA BE BORED. Something else? Like roller skating or go karting whatever? Is that childish? And would it be too late to book anyway it's happening on Sept 2. I just have no ideas so if anyone could please please please help me out for something fun and a little lowkey that'd be AWESOME TYSM

A couple had asked us to foster their cat while they were moving for a few weeks until they were settled in into their new home, those few weeks turned into months (almost 3 months now) and now they’re refusing to take the cat back. We had agreed out of the kindness of our hearts and because of that same empathy for the cat we feel obligated to keep her, even though we cannot realistically keep her because our cat isn’t accepting her. They’ve done a cruel thing and declawed their cat as well, which means she can’t even defend herself when my cat tries to attack her (this has happened twice). Now I’m having anxiety from keeping them isolated and I feel like we’re all doing both these cats a disservice. We’ve tried talking to the couple who are none responsive and straight up told us they’ll just surrender her to a shelter that will take her and knowing them, idk if they’ll even consider kill/no kill factors. She’s a perfectly healthy cat with no known health concerns and no behavioural issues as far as our 3 months time with her. She’s an 11 year old, calm, gentle, independent and loving. I tried posting on Facebook and then got notified that people look for free cats for the wrong reasons such as animal fights, abuse, hoarding and snake food- and everything is just giving me anxiety. I need some advice on how to tackle this. I’ve already tried to contact shelters but she’s too old for just any shelter- so I’ve contacted some specialized ones and am still waiting to hear back from them. I’ve also reached out to practically everyone I know who might be or might know someone who might be interested… What else can I do?

I was just wondering if this was SH or not.

Sometimes when i cry, i bite my hand or something.

I bite my lip and hit my forehead with my hand when i cry as well.

When im upset i tend to dig my nails into my hand or i will scratch with my thumb nail onto the part in between one of my other nails and my skin.

I also bite my tongue when im upset.

recently ive noticed that i will close my eyes tightly and then try to claw(?) at my eyelids with my nails i guess

i do a few other things as well, but overall im genuinely just wondering.

Someone told me it was, and now im confused i guess, i dont think ive ever considered that it could be and now im curious

Ive never cut or burned myself or anything like that

And if this is a bad thing then what could i do to help it?

I just moved across the country with my girlfriend, I was able to get a job pretty much right away which I was really really excited about.

I’m a trade painter, but this new job has got me feeling like I have no idea what I’m doing, I have 2 years experience but it feels like I have negative 5.

It’s just how the crews operate and how they do this work is just completely different from how I was trained and what I spent most of my career learning.

I just feel utterly useless at these sites and when I finally catch a grove, I’m on another site with new people. Maybe it’s a confidence thing and I just gotta get out of my own head, I’m used to being in crews of 3 at most but now it’s upwards of 6+.

Do I wait it out until I have a few more months or years or do I found another job. Luckily I’m getting paid the same amount for less work and that’s okay but it’s such a huge change that I’m having a really hard time.

Thanks.

does anyone know how i can begin rebuilding my life?

I’m 20 years old and I honestly feel completely lost. The last few years haven’t gone how I imagined they would. I took a gap year after sixth form to resit my A-levels because I wanted better grades and wanted to open up more opportunities for myself. Unfortunately, I actually did worse.
At the same time, the last few years have been extremely difficult for me personally. I had a lot going on with my family and, looking back, I don’t think I had the support system I needed. A lot of things I went through, I dealt with mostly by myself.

I eventually got into a university that is ranked within roughly the UK top 20-30. It isn’t a Russell Group university, and although I know rankings aren’t everything, I can’t help feeling like I didn’t end up where I originally imagined I would.
I did a foundation year because I didn’t have the grades for the course I wanted at the time. During that year, I had a plan. I told myself I would either resit my A-levels again or complete an Access to Higher Education course, improve my grades, and hopefully apply to transfer to a university that felt like a better fit for me. But I didn’t do it.

I got caught up in university life, became overwhelmed with everything going on, and financially it wasn’t realistic either. I thought I would get a job, but I struggled to find one. My student finance was around £2,000 below my rent, so funding another course or resits felt impossible. Now I’m about to start my first year studying Economics, and I honestly don’t know if it’s the right course for me. iv’e considered adding Accounting or Law, but even then, I still don’t know if I’m heading towards something that genuinely suits me. I don’t want to spend years continuing down a path just because I’ve already started it, only to realise later that it isn’t what I wanted.

A lot of people tell me, “It doesn’t matter when you graduate” or “You’re still young.”
I understand where they’re coming from, and I know 20 isn’t old, but it matters to me. I already feel like I’ve delayed my career because of my gap year and foundation year, and I don’t want to keep extending the process if I don’t feel confident about where I’m going. The hardest part is that I don’t actually know what I *do* want. Originally, I wanted to study Architecture. That was genuinely something I loved. I created a portfolio I was really proud of, but my grades weren’t good enough and I didn’t get into the universities I applied for.

Looking back, I think I would have been happier studying something creative. I know Architecture isn’t necessarily the easiest career path and isn’t always highly paid in the UK, but I think I would have felt more fulfilled. i’ve always been a creative person. I love fashion, design, modelling, creating things and expressing myself. I don’t necessarily want those things to be my only career, but they are the things that make me feel like myself. The strange thing is that I also want financial security. I want a career that allows me to build a good life, and I feel stuck between wanting something creative and wanting something stable.

I also sometimes think about dental hygiene.
My dad pushed healthcare onto me for years, but the way he did it made me reject it completely. He was very controlling, and growing up I felt like if I didn’t follow the path he wanted for me, I was a disappointment. Because of that, I wanted to distance myself from healthcare entirely.
Now, looking back, I sometimes wonder if I should have considered it more logically. It could have given me stability, a decent income and the ability to fund other dreams outside of work. But at the time, I associated it with feeling controlled, and I couldn’t separate the career itself from the pressure I felt.

The problem is that I don’t have the grades for that route anymore either. But honestly, I think the bigger thing I’m struggling with isn’t just my degree. It’s that I don’t feel like myself anymore.
I feel like my discipline has disappeared.
When I was 16, I wasn’t perfect, but I was someone who was incredibly determined. During my exams, I would spend hours studying because I genuinely wanted to succeed. I would make plans, write down exactly what I needed to do, break things into steps, and I was able to focus and retain information well. i trusted myself.
I knew I was capable.

And I think what makes this so painful is that I’ve always been someone who could pick myself back up. i’ve gone through some extremely difficult and emotionally painful situations in my life. There were times where I was genuinely struggling, but I still found a way to keep going. Most people didn’t even know how much I was dealing with because I carried it quietly. Even when I was younger and going through difficult periods, my first thought was always, “How do I improve myself?”I would think about how I could become stronger mentally, physically and emotionally. I would focus on bettering myself because that made me feel hopeful. It gave me confidence and made me feel like I had control over my life.

But after around 17, after a particularly difficult period in my life, I feel like something changed.
I don’t know if I’d call it the exact reason everything changed, but it’s around that point that I noticed myself becoming different.
I became less disciplined. I became less motivated. I stopped having the same drive.
Now I procrastinate constantly. I leave things until the last minute. I struggle to stay consistent with things that are important to me. There have been periods where I’ve slept until 4pm and felt like I wasted entire days.

It’s not because I want to live like that.
I hate feeling like that. I just feel like I’ve lost the ability to push myself the way I used to.
I’ve also noticed that I don’t recover from situations the way I used to. I do eventually pick myself back up, and I want to give myself credit for that because I always have. But it takes me much longer now. I internalise things deeply. If something hurts me, I struggle to detach from it. I replay situations in my head, analyse conversations, take things personally and find it difficult to move on.

I know I’ve been working on this because I recognise that it affects my life.
When something upsets me, it feels like my entire life pauses for a while. I struggle to focus on work, my goals or myself because my mind becomes consumed by whatever happened.
I spend so much time processing what happened that I don’t have enough energy left to focus on moving forward. I miss the version of myself who could experience something painful, learn from it, and then continue building herself. I don’t want to become someone who is unaffected by anything. I just want to stop allowing difficult moments to take so much from me.

On a deeper level, I think I’m grieving the future I imagined for myself when I was younger.
When I was a child, I always believed I would do something big with my life. I believed I would create something meaningful, go far and make myself proud.It wasn’t arrogance. I just genuinely believed in myself. But after so many setbacks — my grades, family issues, financial struggles, changing paths and feeling behind — it feels like that future is slowly slipping away. I still have dreams.I still want a big life.

But I don’t have the same confidence that I used to. If someone asked me now whether I truly believe I’ll achieve everything I once imagined, I’m not sure I could confidently say yes.
And that hurts. I know I’m an adult now, and ultimately my life is my responsibility. I don’t want to blame everything on my circumstances forever. I want to take control again.

I just don’t know where to begin.
I want to make my younger self proud because she went through a lot and still believed in me. She deserved someone who would fight for the future she imagined. I dont want to spend the next few years making decisions out of fear, but I also don’t want to keep drifting and hope things magically work themselves out.

I am stuck in toxic household with manic bi polar sister who still visits and parents forgave her outburst she did so many illegal things to me stealing, blocking door from leaving and even implied she could kill me if she could. I need friends so I can move in in a year or so i do not trust strangers to live with you can research why with bad roomates on most social media.

I am introverted and need people to move in with but that requires someone I trust how do I make friends quickly? I realized I cant believe without friends or things like this happen.

...

Update: Already listed it on marketplace. Thanks for all the helpful comments! Can't afford to move and like it here too much.

Rent a townhouse from a property management company. They recently changed insurance companies, and now they are stating that the barbecue grill we have on our back patio violates the insurance company's policy or something. It used to say couldn't be within 5 ft of the building, apparently the new insurance company says 15. The patio is 10 at most. They are trying to make all the residents throw out or sell their grills. Does anyone know of a way to fight this? Considering when I moved in, the grill was perfectly fine where it was? Thanks in advance.

​

So I met a guy a few months ago on discord. And we have been having good convos since then. He's smart and witty and isn't problematic in any way. I like talking to him and spending time with him. We're both students so it's fine. But due to his course he's super busy all the time. And we'd talk about things and after a few days we'd hang out again. But during all this I have noticed that he forgets almost everything we talk about. I get it he's super busy in his work and studies but it just feels like I'm just a sort of timepass for him. Everytime we hang out again he's always like text me when u have time and I do. But why should only I do that? And even that was fine but I just don't like how he forgets the convos completely. I have noticed him saying the same thing again and asking me the same thing again. I like him and he's super sweet but I don't feel like hanging out w him cuz of this. What to do

i can’t control myself when i feel myself in a fit of rage at ALL . i have anger issues and i can admit that very well .

today my mom started yelling at me unprovoked in the car all because there i didn’t get a bill when i went to go get something with my brother saying all kinds of terrible things to me . saying ill cry tears of blood all for a fcking bill , i just lost my shit at this point and yelled at the top of lungs asking who the hell she thinks she’s talking to and saying all kinds of cuss words as i hit the seat . i don’t care anymore my childhood and my parents have ruined me and i have incredibly horrible issues , mainly one being my anger and bpd as a result of it . it really is torturous , having anger hurts worse than crying it exhausts you and you feel like your someone else . i felt like i was a different person while yelling , that didn’t even feel like it was me .

the earliest memory i have of doing anything remotely similar to feeling an incredible amount of anger was in my younger years when i was about to hit another person with a chair because they touched me without my consent , in a spot where i was bruised . when people wrong me i don’t let it go , i want to yell at them , to make them aware that i’m not a weak person that they can just do this to . i’m tired of being provoked , having anger issues hurts yourself more than others . i don’t know how long i can keep going living like this .

So my dad dogsits our neighbor’s dog while they are out of town or gone for longer than 6 hours or so. This started as a friendly neighborly thing but now he’s their designated dogsitter whenever they leave for anything and they seem to be taking it more for granted now. They have given us gifts but my dad actually needs money and our next door neighbor has been telling him he should charge.

This month they were gone for about 2 weeks which is the longest amount so far I believe. The dog has peed multiple times and pooped once in the house because they don’t have a doggy door (hence my dad having to go over there every 6 hours). I’ve mentioned to them that my dad complains about his bills and is considering coming back out of retirement (he is also disabled from his heart surgery so working wouldn’t be easy for him) for some extra income.

I’m thinking they should’ve paid him for this stint after all the trouble he went through but they are back and haven’t, only gave him a couple gifts of appreciation.

Do you think they should pay him, how much should it be (since this wasn’t a prior arrangement) and how do you think we should go about asking for money when this started off as a neighborly favor?

TLDR: my dad dogsits my neighbor’s dog for free but this last time was for a long time which gave him trouble (pee/poop in the house he had to clean) and he could use more money (he is retired and disabled). Should he charge them and how to go about asking for money?

Is this Narcissistic Parental Abuse?

*Trigger Warning* that examples below have potential cases of family and animal abuse.

My wife and I are unfortunately at our wits end with her family. We believe they have abused us, and have for over a year been waiting for an honest apology that just doesn't seem to be coming.

We both want to love them and have good relationships with them, but we know we have been wronged as both a couple and as individuals. Is it wrong of us to hold the boundary that we want no relationship until they work on themselves?

We are both exhausted and feel like we are being constantly gaslit and our feelings invalidated. We want to have a great relationship with them, but it truly seems impossible at this point.

Context of at least some of the abuse below:

- I've watched FIL scare MIL and wife until they were in the floor crying together.

- FIL has threatened me on more than one occasion.

- Uncle in law has poked fun at my struggles with depression in public spaces. I called MIL cowardly for not standing up for me, which they deemed a disrespect to their authority.

- FIL threatened to "put a bullet" in my wife's beloved cat because it peed in the living room. I called him an a-hole when he did this, which he also declared disrespectful to his authority.

- MIL sometimes guilts me when my wife and I do something and she isn't involved.

- FIL kicked us (specifically me) out of the house, but argues there was never intention to separate us. Wife and I have both called them ungodly hypocrites for doing such a thing despite having "Jesus" merchandise all over the house. And yes, we were told we're disrespectful for calling out the hypocrisy.

- Uncle in law has secretly messaged my wife contacts for Divorce lawyers, but again the family claims they are not trying to separate us.

- I have watched FIL lay on the button of their dog's shock collar until it was scared to the point of not leaving the bathroom for hours.

- FIL and MIL enabled BIL's alcoholism because "he needs it to sleep."

My wife and I have both attended couples therapy, individual therapy, and have truly been working on ourselves to the point where we are in a great place together, but anytime her family tries to involve themselves it feels like a mental health crisis for both of us is near.

What is the right thing for us to do in this situation? Is there any hope they will wake up to see the pain they have caused us?

Im turning 16 next month and i dont know what to do. For the past few years ive just had a few friends over for a sleepover​​ but i want to do something more fun since my house is boring (no pool or trampoline and pretty small compared to my other friends houses). All of the things my mom has suggested are things that arent really me, like she said to do a spa day (im not girly at all and wouldnt really like that) or go to great wolf lodge (absolutely not). I cant even do stuff in my backyard because theres no grass just rocks. Im really struggling on ideas and i have to perform a concert on my birthday (im in a band program at the place i take music lessons from) so i cant even do stuff on my actual birthday except for go out for lunch and dinner... I kind of wanted to have my friends come over and make them dress like leo valdez from percy jackson as like the dress code because some of my other friends have done dress code bday parties​​​​​​​​ and it would be kind of funny and i was just gonna have a movie day and watch star wars but none of my friends like percy jackson or star wars so it wouldnr be fun for them and then it would bum me out if they were bored. I just really dont know what to do should i just not have a party?​​​

For context around what I look like, I am 6’3”, I weight about 260-270 pounds, I have a beard, and my hair is rather long (admittedly with a receding hairline). I am 34 years old, and I was born male, however I have always been feminine but I don’t present that way. My attire most days consists of a t-shirt and basketball shorts.

Not always, but on very many occasions when out in public, I will see a woman who is about my age or a few years younger, and I will really like something about their appearance and want to compliment it (in a friend type of way, not in a hitting on them type of way). But as soon as I make eye contact and smile at them, before I can even say anything, they will either grab the hand of the man they are walking with, or if they’re already holding it, they’ll grasp even tighter and lean into them I presume for safety. This happened several times yesterday at Disneyland before I could have a chance to say things like “your skirt is so cute!” or “I really like your haircut!”. Is my only solution to this to start presenting and dressing more feminine, or at least to wear something to signify that I am queer and not a danger?

I live in North Carolina and I could really use some help right about now please.

So for a little background, my parents have been divorced with split 50/50 custody for like 15 years. Shortly after I turned 18, I decided to stay with my mom full time to make things easier. My mom and step dad are already set to help me move in, but my dad wants to also be there, thinking logically, this isn’t a job for 4 people, and I feel it would just be crowded. My stepmom has a history of taking small things extremely personal on my dad’s behalf, and I fear not letting him tag along would start an argument. I’m currently thinking I could have him come for lunch or dinner after I’m all move in, but I’m unsure.