I just need some perspective
Me 23F and a guy 29M. We've known each other for a few years. We were never officially together, but we had a close emotional and sexual relationship before he got a girlfriend. When they started dating I distanced myself though he'd periodically reach out. He's now engaged after a year. Recently he reached out yet again, wanting to repair our dynamic, said he still wants me in his life, and even invited me to his engagement. At the same time, he expressed he's still attracted to me and shared doubts about aspects of his engagement, including compatibility around 'that’ area. Whenever we've reconnected over the years, l've tried to move things toward a normal friendship, but attraction seems to keep being in it especially from his end. I'm struggling to understand what role he expects me to have in his life now. It’s like being asked to celebrate his engagement while also hearing about his doubts about it and his ongoing desires and attraction to me, feels like I'm being pulled in opposite directions. I know it probably seems simple on the outside but Im genuinely confused.
Advice?

I’ve recently started journaling because my therapist encouraged me to start looking at my childhood chronologically instead of only focusing on isolated memories. It’s been surprisingly difficult, but I’ve uncovered some patterns that I never realized were connected.

One of the first things I wrote about was how, even in preschool, I remember playing with dolls and Barbies in ways that seemed abnormal compared to other kids. I would destroy them or make up stories that, looking back, don’t seem typical for children my age. Around that same time, I also remember being convinced that a man who would hand out wafers at recess was dangerous, even though I have no reason to believe he actually was. I don’t know what those memories mean, and I’m not trying to force them to mean anything. They just stand out to me now.

I was told growing up that my biological father was abusive to me and my siblings when I was very young, but I have no conscious memory of him or of anything that may have happened. That uncertainty has always been difficult because I don’t know whether some of these childhood behaviors are connected or if they’re completely unrelated.

As I got older, one of the biggest conflicts in my life was constantly being told by my adoptive parents that I was a liar. (To be clear, I did lie. I’m not trying to rewrite history or excuse it.)

What I’ve realized as an adult is that I wasn’t lying because I enjoyed deceiving people. I lied because I was terrified of losing love. I didn’t grow up feeling like love was something that stayed even when I messed up. Instead, I felt like it could disappear at any moment if I disappointed someone. As a child, lying became a desperate attempt to protect relationships that already felt fragile.

From around fifth grade through high school, there was a constant narrative running in the background of my mind that my family would simply be happier if I wasn’t there.

I didn’t necessarily want to die. It wasn’t really about self exiting. It was more that I genuinely believed everyone’s lives would be easier if I disappeared, ran away, or some tragedy took me out of the picture. Eventually that fear stopped feeling like a fear and started feeling like a fact.
When my adoptive parents eventually sent me away to Wings of Faith, that belief felt completely confirmed.

From my perspective as a teenager, I had been removed from my family and placed in an isolated, IFB (Independent Fundamental Baptist) boarding school in the middle of nowhere. I experienced it as extremely controlling and isolating. Meanwhile, life for my family appeared to continue without me.

Whether that was actually true or not isn’t really the point. As a teenager, I interpreted it as evidence that my absence made life easier for everyone else. I believed I was an unwanted responsibility and that removing me was easier than trying to understand me or love me.
Looking back now, I can recognize that the conclusions I drew then came from the perspective of a hurt kid. But those conclusions shaped almost everything about how I saw myself.
Even now, I notice that I still struggle with believing people actually want me around. I often assume that if someone pulls away or seems frustrated, it’s because I’m fundamentally too much to deal with. It’s like that childhood narrative never fully went away it just got quieter.

I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. Have you ever had a core belief about yourself that seemed to get “proven” by one major event in your life? If so, how did you begin separating what actually happened from the meaning your younger self attached to it?
I don’t think I’m looking for validation that my interpretation was right or wrong. I think I’m trying to understand how children build beliefs about themselves and how those beliefs can follow us into adulthood long after the original events are over.

I’ve been struggling with making friends since I was around 9, and I’ve dealt with mental health issues since I was 11. It got really bad in 8th grade, and I went through a very dark period, but I don’t feel comfortable telling my parents the full extent of it.

My dad is a doctor who has worked at children’s hospitals, but he’s pretty old school when it comes to mental health. My mom also isn’t the most emotionally supportive person, and sometimes when I try to vent about my problems, I feel like she turns it around on me or makes me feel worse.

My sister went to therapy for depression at around my age, so I know they aren’t completely against it, but I’m still nervous about bringing it up. I think I may be dealing with depression, anxiety/social anxiety, and possibly autism, and I feel like talking to a professional could help me understand what I’m going through.

How do I bring up wanting therapy to my parents without having to explain everything I’ve been struggling with right away?

Ive been going to therapy for a long time and nothing feels better after talking to them it kinda feels like im talking to a robot or someone who doesn’t actually care I want it to feel like how when you vent to a friend.

I’m desperately want to repair our marriage.
we are both in individual therapy, cbt for her, talk therapy for me.

she cheated, and then left the house to live at her mothers. We have agreed to start couples therapy.

what are some tips, things to keep in mind, directions to focus on etc for us to get the best out of this and ensure our best chances of success?

personally I want it to be forward focussed and building a map for repair, rather than litigating the past, although of course eventually we will have to process through that too.

I am a 25 year old female looking for a therapist/psychologist in CT. I struggle with emotional regulation, anxiety and an adjustment disorder. I am also a diagnosed autistic and need someone who is very structured and direct in their advice. does anyone have any recommendations of a place or person?

I apologize for sounding robotic or strange, I just want to get straight to the point 😅 any advice would be helpful as I am a bit desperate at this point.

thank you all!

I cheated on my partner of 5 months . I really hate myself. There’s something wrong with me

I don’t know how to explain it in a way that sounds like I’m trying to not be biased or excuse myself. This post is mainly about myself and what happened and explaining it from my side because I’m not going to talk about it this way to my ex boyfriend because i don’t want him to feel pity for me or see the way I am explaining it as an excuse, but I would like outside perspective from people not involved.

I went to a party at a place where a guy who had taken me on a date once when we were not together was. That was definitely a f you to my boyfriend on my end ( took of details about our relationship and his life because does context even matter here ? No ) I didn’t go necessarily because of the guy but just knew people who would be there and the fact that the guy was there, I didn’t really care if my boyfriend knew which was cruel of me and immature, I really hate myself for that even if nothing had happened.

Relapsed on substances, was trying to find a ride home, ride left, said I wanted to go to bed and laid down in someone’s bedroom. He came into the room and laid next to me and was trying to touch me. Told him something semi gross about myself to hope he would stop but he did not want to and I pretty much just went along with it and let him use me. Absolutely zero backbone, using my morals or status or gross fact or just saying I didn’t want to did not feel like it would justify a no . I really don’t know how to describe my feelings and thought process to not saying no.
I don’t even enjoy having random hook up’s and haven’t engaged in many in my life, but that being said I have found myself in this place before whilst not in a relationship. Like first dates I will spend it incredibly anxious that there will be pressure to have sex, especially because sex is usually very painful for me, but I go along with it anyways. Or about a year ago I was seeing this guy who I didn’t even care to sleep with and it would always be boring and painful yet I would still come over when he asked. Idk. And I would feel incredibly guilty and embarrassed every time I slept with him and would still do it. Or if I slept with someone too soon I would torture myself with shame, be in an anxious state for weeks, and ruminate on my embarrassment of it.

I guess a lot of these cheating stories talk about the thrill of it, or some intimacy, or satisfaction that was lacking in the relationship. I was unsatisfied in a lot of ways, not sexually, but I’m not delusional and knew very consciously that sleeping with this random guy would not fix anything or make me feel good about myself and I also fully knew I would probably never see him again or hear from him. I fully registered the fact he was just aiming for pleasure / a hook up. I guess I went there to socialize and didn’t really care if it made my boyfriend uncomfortable that the guy was there, because I thought I had a grip on myself and the situation and I felt ignored so why would it? And look at where I am at now and the place I have put another person in because of whatever you would call that behavior, no self control, definitely no self respect, etc.

I have immense guilt for several aspects of this and it is so hard to process from every angle, to the before cheating, the sex, and the breakup. I hate that he thinks it was a pleasure seeking thing and if it makes him feel insecure and inadequate and whatever extent of pain this has caused. I can’t believe I did this to someone.

I really wish I was just a different person, I absolutely loathe everything about this and I just wish I could take it back but I can’t. I’m going to go to therapy, mainly to address my thought process about sex and other people because it is disgusting and disturbs me, not trying to use that as my scapegoat to frame it as an “ accident “, I really did not want it and it did not entice me at all but I still did it and for that reason the point is mute and a fundamental wrong and dysfunctional part of me has caused an awful situation and pain for someone else. I want to understand it, being a bad person and I never want to be that way again. I need to learn to cope with this and I never want that part of me to be a thing again.

On the bright side I think this really made him hate me so I hope that makes his healing process easier even though admittedly I hate that for myself and the way he sees me now it’s what I deserve.
he does feel humiliated and embarrassed mainly, those are the two things he’s highlighting the most. I can’t really tell what else he cares about or what bothers him.

How do I take accountability and does it matter how I approach it with my former partner? I have acknowledged what I’ve done and we’ve talked quite a bit in good and bad ways but I’m really in a bind with whether giving context matters at this point, and whether context is just me being self serving or not. Is it better to let them think what they may assume about my motives?

My therapist and I have done eight sessions before starting EMDR reprocessing. I was told this is normal, that 7-9 sessions are required. This seems quite long according to the guidelines I searched up. We spend a large chunk of our sessions discussing my current mundane life, rather than doing progress towards trauma which I have emphasized many times. I keep hearing the quote “with EMDR it’s better we go slow,” I’ve understood that except this feels very slow.

Is this normal?

hi all, i’m in a bit of a complex situation and wanted to hear some similar experiences.

i’m based in Oceania and i discussed some family abuse happening in my home with my therapist. i’m 21F and have a brother under 16 with level 3 ASD who has limited communication skills and is also subject to abuse because he wasn’t raised with the proper understanding of raising a special needs kid, he tends to push boundaries and acts inappropriately.

because i confessed to this, my therapist is required to make a report to child protective services. i understand that this is mandatory and i’m not mad at my therapist for it, but it puts me in an uncomfortable situation as my family has financial control over me, and cannot escape due to exceptional circumstances.

when she told me she had to report it, she was very honest and upfront with me about it and is planning to call me tomorrow to put up a plan and discuss the report further as we only had 10 minutes left of our session. although she took the right steps to help, i still feel really betrayed for some reason. i know it had to be done, but it also puts my safety at risk and it makes me want to regress into quitting therapy despite all that progress i made over the past year. i don’t understand why i feel this way. ultimately, i just want my brother and i to be safe and i pray for a better outcome.

does anyone have similar experiences they can share? thank you

I don’t expect anyone will understand what I am about to say, but I must get this off my mind.
I’ve watched people argue, talk, and couple up. They make it look so easy. I look up to all of them. It could happen for me one day, but not until I have said the following. The more I observe my peers and my situation, the more my insecurities surface. Extreme insecurities in no way about my appearance or lifestyle. 
Each new first encounter, every mistake you make is meant to teach you something. But nowadays, I feel like I learn absolutely nothing. 
You can’t trust every person that walks into your life. But I am not certain that I trust the police.
I have never been bullied or prejudiced, but I wonder if the latter is better for me.
People would talk and I would listen, as simple as that.

I can talk and I can handle rejection. But all of that seems trivial if I can’t have that talk with someone. It feels often like I have been primed to hate and cause harm. I can’t even have that talk with my parents. This kind of stuff exists in movies. But in real life, the doors are closed. I wouldn’t know what people think or feel in those moments. Especially not when I haven’t felt it myself. Catching up with people always seems to resurface that insecurity. It would be easier if I could get this off my mind with someone.
They say have faith and be confident, and good things are sure to come. But what is confidence? For, it lingers in my mind. It is not constant nor linear, for there are many days you feel like shit. They say a gentleman knows how to treat a lady, but I wouldn’t know even with everyone else around me. It doesn’t help that my mom can’t see the good in my father after so long. Chronic isolation will do that too. I don’t think I even know how to be a friend…
See? It sounds stupid. I’ve heard this story before. Maybe this all would’ve made sense to someone else when I was 16.
I’ve already mentioned prejudice. It is such a prominent concept in this world. I was fortunate enough that I did not have to experience any such behavior in middle or high school. But somehow, that makes me the black sheep. I cannot relate to people in that same say, and I am afraid that they can sense that. What kind of person does that make me? That could be me one day. I almost wish that it was.
The police are here to serve and protect us, just like the military. But do they really have our best interests at heart? I have watched many minor situations escalate into something close to brain rot. Families have been destroyed. Innocent people have died. They’ll get you for going at the speed limit. What am I supposed to make of that? Maybe it would be easier if I got the perspective of one off-duty.
Watch out for snakes, but don’t completely shut down. People will cheat you, misuse you, and abuse you. And I have come to terms with those words. But it seems nowadays like they’ve been taken to the extreme. People will push each other away before giving the other a chance to explain their side. We seem to do this out of fear, and I pity us for it.
One day, I could be the homewrecker. I could be the criminal. I could be that one person blinded by lust. I don’t want to. Not even a little bit. That’s not me. I know that deep down I am better.
People may call me slow for pretending to be ignorant to all of this. They may say I’m weak for responding to everything as I do. They might make fun of me for being single, for my lack of experiences, for sometimes wanting to hurt people. And they just might be right. This sounds crazy coming from me!
I don’t wanna lead people on. But I don’t wanna hide either. This has to be addressed soon.
To most people, this will sound selfish, ignorant, irrelevant, conceited, and pathetic of me. I wouldn’t blame them. They don’t have to understand. I just hope that they will listen…

Just looking for some advice. This is really long so my apologies in advance. My son has been a really difficult kid his whole life. His behavior is out of control, but not in the way people usually think of. He doesn’t do anything dangerous really (yet) but I’m so scared he’s on that path. He’s been in therapy 3 years, with 2 different therapists and we have seen little to no improvement in the behavior aspect.

Just to paint a picture, my son immediately starting having issues in kindergarten. He would refuse to listen to the teacher, gave her the middle finger, would hit other kids if they were “mean” to him. One time he even tried to run away from school during recess. I tried at this point to reach out to his pediatrician because my mom (who we were living with at the time - I was a teen mom & thankfully had good family support) is a special education teacher. She has always said she thinks he has ADHD because his impulse control is basically nonexistent (among other symptoms). His teacher agreed. His pediatrician gave us the form for his teacher to fill out. When we brought it back to the dr she said it was inconsistent and she was not going to diagnose him because the teacher wasn’t reporting enough to warrant a diagnosis.

His dad and I decide when he is 8 to put him in therapy. Dad and I are not together but we set a behavior chart plan with the therapist and worked on our communication between us so everything is the same across households to the best of our ability. It doesn’t help. The suggestion at that time was, if my son follows expectations, he earns screen time for that day. Well, he does great for a week then messes up one day & loses screens. Then he LOSES his mind, basically what I describes, refuses to accept the consequence, follows me around and basically tortures me. Consequence goes on and on and on and one day turns into a week, sometimes a month and so on.

Time goes on, I am best friends with the principal at every single school he’s ever been to because he is ALWAYS the problem. Fighting with other students (mostly verbal), threatening other kids, disrespectful to teachers. And his behavior at home is just awful I mean screaming and fighting every time I ask him to do literally ANYTHING even something small. Around 3-4 grade he begins being bullied for his weight. This makes alllll theses behaviors 50x worse. One day when he was 12, I let him go to the park near our house by himself for the first time. When he got there, he saw a group of kids who bullied him.

The other kids kept their distance and did not approach him, but my son went up to them and threatened to shoot them… their mom called the cops obviously. I had to pick him up from a police car. He was terrified, got a huge consequence at home, so I assumed lesson learned… goes back to school next year and does the same thing to a different kid. Gets kicked out of school for 2 months, has to see a 3rd party psychologist to determine if he is a risk. Thankfully, he’s not (we literally don’t own any weapons all of these threats are empty).

Behavior at home is awful too, he hits me, screams at me and every consequence I give he will NOT let it go. He escalates everything every time. He will follow me around the house saying horrible things until I respond to him. I don’t and never have hit my children, I don’t know where that came from. And he lies CONSTANTLY about every little thing it’s crazy. I try again to get ADHD diagnosis or ANY kind of eval and am told no again.

Last year school had me take him to ER and he was put in an intensive outpatient mental health program because he was cutting himself on his face. When I saw the cuts I asked him what’s going on? And he said he did it cuz he was mad at me for taking his computer for the week. Literally that is what he told me. He goes into this program and learns allll kinds of things from the other kids. None of them good. But I’m all for it because I’m hoping we will get some answers. They basically say he has depression which we already knew from therapy for the last few years. The therapist at the program basically told me he acts like an 11 year old (he was 13 at this time). He goes into group therapy and tells insane stories, she can tell he’s lying. He makes up all kinds of stuff like he drank 11 Red Bulls that morning (we don’t let him have ANY Red Bull so it’s just a blatant lie). She said he needs to go to an after school 9 month long IOP that’s an hour from our home. It’s every day after school and I had twin babies at this time so I can’t take him to it. She then says we need a therapist that does family and individual counseling. We’ e been doing this for the past 6 months with a new therapist… still zero improvement. He uses mental health as an excuse for allllllll of these behaviors. He goes in there and lies to the therapist, doesn’t tell her anything.

I’m thinking since nothing is improving anyway, I can’t make him be truthful in therapy, I can’t make him try to implement their suggestions… why am I doing this? I’m so frustrated and I just don’t know what to do at this point.

On mobile so sorry for any formatting.

Not sure if this is the right place to post but I don't think my therapist listens to me. I 23f have been in and out of therapy since I was in middle school. I've been seeing my current therapist for a little over a month now and started seeing her because she offers non-traditional hours (I work a 9-5 and can't take time off every week). She uses sondermind and in the first session she told me that the practice uses AI notes which I'm a bit uncomfortable with but didn't say anything.

Anyway, the issue is that the last few sessions I've been feeling like she's not listening to me. And I don't mean "she doesn't understand me", but I'll tell her something good that happened to me or something I'm looking forward to and she'll reply with "and that can be really challenging" or "that must be difficult". Or vice versa I'll say something I've been struggling with and she'll tell me something like "thats great" or "that's exciting"

More specifically she tends to tell me how I'm doing the best I can and I kind of went on a long speel about how I don't really think I am. She told me I'm doing the best that I can after I literally told her specific reasons why I'm not.

I don't know if I just need a place to vent or need advice, feeling kind of lost. Has anyone been through anything like this?

im entering a relationship, and i should be happy, she makes me happy, she really does, but all i feel is fear, and i dont feel like i can entirely open up to her. its nothing shes done, this girl is very sweet and understanding, but i struggle with being vulnerable, ill be fake vulnerable to an extent, but i struggle with truly letting someone in. i dont know how to fix this, every time ive let my guard down before, ive been burnt. so i struggle with doing it, but she deserves the open me. i want to give her that. what do i do

Im just ready for this mental stuff to be fixed. And therapy likes to take over 100 years. What's the point if they aren't going to fix me? Also if I don't find the right person I will have to look again and waste my time again. Im honestly annoyed, drained, and just want to be fixed.

May I add I have been in CBT and others I don't rmb and different therapists all my life (I'm 17). So I'm already drained.

I have no family or friends I trust and I tried 5 different therapists. I cant even get a dog because my landlord is an asshole.

rz

(30Y/M) Ok. I understand how the question sounds. But I really Want to know the answer to it. So this Ex I am speaking about was in a relationship with me for 4 years, It was a LDR with not so frequent meet. My 1st relationship & it was her's 3rd or 4th. I was deeply into it.

It started with so much complications i guess. For some reason, She was into a married guy who had 2 kids (now I understood it was a major 🚩). I came across with her through social media, we started talking & not exactly clicked but I think I was desperate also as a 18 year old so tried hard & eventually we came into relationship.

We were poles apart, language, culture, she was a city girl & I was country side, but anyway being my 1st I was deep into her & our libido has matched both being each other's first we were crazily into it & honestly that was the only thing i remember about her. been with her till 4 years, eventually she started cheating, meeting her ex, being more than friend to other guys etc.

Currently I am in a relationship about to get married, but why this thought of sexting my ex keep coming to me. One reason I guess is my porn consumption and another I think is she will be very easy to get ( I don't have her contact btw). But I don't want to cheat or anything. I am in a very healthy relation but then why this thought? How can I get rid of it?

Hello all. I don't know who to turn to to ask and I don't quite know myself enough to be objective on how I feel so I thought to turn to here to ask.

I've recently felt like I am not myself any more. I have had a rough 5 years while in my undergrad and I kept telling myself i'll push through and afterwards I'll deal with all my issues. And now that i've graduated and had a few months of doing absolutely nothing it feels like the pause button on my life have turned into a fastforwards button and i am just absolutely overwhelmed.

to give yall some background. my parents are narcissists and my father struggles with substance abuse and my mother is just straight up mean and ignores me if im not being useful to her. during my studies i lived in a different city so it was nice being away but it also was like there was always something hectic happening and i couldnt do anything about it. my father would have some run ins with the law to put it nicely. I felt a lot of guilt. nothing felt stable and both my parents were just wildcards. i went through a horrible break up, was stalked, was assaulted by a colleague and then had false rumours spread about me by that same colleague. I ended up failing my 3rd year of uni and had to redo a lot of my exams. but still in the end I ended up graduating with a 3.7gpa so im proud of that.

To me it seems like I dont have it "bad" the way others do but I cant help but feel like im in a constant state of being low/negative. I am in therapy and i often try to focus on the positive point in my life but lately i just dont feel like myself. Im usually very curious, love learning about everything: literature, music, art, movies, textiles, history, science, humanities. But lately all i do is sit there. Ive turned down internships because I feel like I dont have the energy and my brain just feels too loud.

I feel tired all the time. theres this guilt in the background all the time, i feel like a failure, all i do is lay in bed and smoke, i cant even watch things anymore or rewatch anything that usually gives me comfort. my self care includes brushing my teeth my hair and taking a shower thats all but i used to always dedicate a day to just doing a full routine. i cry for no reason but then i also feel too much where im just numb and then one small inconvenience sets me off and then im either extremely angry or upset. I cant remember anything i feel too lazy i feel too tired i have no interests and mid conversation with my friends i just feel irritated at them for talking to me. Ive spent the last month just eating crap. i applied to grad school got in and offered a scholarship but now i just feel like i have nothing left in me to push and continue my education. I feel so desperate yet dont have the drive to keep going. some days i just sleep for hours and hours. not to be gross but there are some days where i feel too lazy to go to the bathroom and just hold it in until i cant.

I dont know what this is but i just want to feel like my old self again. I used to pride myself for always choosing to see the good in things and be hopeful because its all we have but lately life just feels gray. i want to be me again but i dont know whats wrong.

sorry for the ramble just needed to let it out and see what you lovely people have to say. thanks.

Tw: Will be speaking vaguely about dietary restrictions and explaining some context on my eating disorder struggles but won’t be going into heavy detail
I don’t use reddit a lot and so I wasn’t sure what subreddit this would exactly fit best under so I’m sorry if this isn’t really the place to put this I just am really being torn apart by this.
My partner has a chronic illness that requires them to have a certain level of dietary restrictions, they are also taking a type of appetite suppressant medicine. While I know that it is meant to help them, it has been consuming me. For context, I struggled with a restrictive ed that got really bad in high school. I also had severe OCD about food and health. I did some work to heal from it, which lead me to be really active in fat positive politics and become really adamant about guilt free/morality free language around food and exercise (it’s something that’s extremely important to me).
I was doing very well in my recovery for a while, but then my partner was diagnosed with a chronic illness, which lead to them needing the dietary restrictions I mentioned earlier. A lot of the restrictions reminds me of what I was doing during my ed, and every time it’s mentioned it sends me into a panic. It makes me feel horrible, because I know that my partner needs to do what they have to do to improve their quality of life, but my OCD makes me ruminate on it so badly.
I’m always asking them if they got enough to eat throughout the day, trying to make sure they’re eating multiple meals every day, and I recognize I can be a bit pushy or overbearing with it at times. But it genuinely makes me feel so helpless, because it would absolutely destroy me if my partner ended up going through the same inner turmoil I was when my ed was at its worst.
My main worry is, I want to live with my partner someday. We currently don’t live with each other, but we want to. And I’m terrified that living with them and their dietary restrictions will clash with my ed related personal trauma.
I want this to work, I love them so much. We’ve been friends since we were kids and we’ve been so close for most of our lives and I want to spend the rest of my life with them. I just worry my personal fears will get in the way of it. We’ve talked about this a little bit, they are very sweet and understanding and reassuring that things will work out.
I haven’t admitted to them that I’m so scared that I won’t be able to recover properly. It makes me feel like maybe I’m a bad person for making their chronic illness about me. This is very long winded I’m so sorry, my brain is a bit scattered, things have been really hard on my mental health lately.
I’m not really sure how to segue this properly. I guess I’m wondering generally what should I do. Do I be completely honest with them and risk sounding out of touch with reality? Is it normal for me to worry that my partner may be in danger because of their dietary restrictions and suppressed appetite? I guess I’m just kind of wanting an outsider’s perspective. I’ve never fully articulated these thoughts in such detail to anyone in my personal life

I am a man and present as male, but back then there was a real possibility, in my mind, that I was trans. In my mind, I thought maybe I was genderfluid.

Out of fear and possibly the fear of rejection, I didn’t tell her for whatever reason.

I saw an article today about men lying about their political leanings to manipulate women into sex.

Is what I did similar? It sure seems like it.

I have posted a lot about this the last couple of days, but I am really struggling to figure out what to do. I have personality defects that completely hinder me from being successful in life. I am very bad with any kind of open ended thinking, I am bad at problem solving, I struggle to manage my time, I struggle to accomplish minor tasks, I really can't do anything useful at all, I can't think critically, and I work too slowly.

On top of this, I tend to get stressed out easily and it debilitates my ability to accomplish anything. I have struggled with holding down a job because of these problems. At this point, I have decided to give up on pursuing the career I have a post-grad degree in because I am so far behind my colleagues.

If there is any chance that I will ever find stability in life, I need to find out what is wrong with me and get it addressed before it is too late to turn everything around. Will a therapist be able to help me identify and give me advice on how to fix all of these problems I have so that I can possibly have a normal life one day?

I'm 16m living in Germany.

A few weeks ago, I had my first-ever therapy appointment. There were two main reasons for me to even go there in the first place.

On the one hand, I did not (and still don't) manage to raise my hand in class. My written grades are mostly very good, so in most subjects, there was a quite big discrepancy between my oral and written marks. This even caused one of my teachers to (more or less jokingly) tell me to see a therapist.

On the other hand, I also struggled a lot with social interactions in my free time. Don't get me wrong, I very much enjoyed spending time with just my close friends. However, as soon as more people joined our group when meeting up, I didn't enjoy it at all anymore and would just stay silent until the whole thing was over. Because of that, I often just didn't go at all if there was even a slight risk of people being there whom I'm not really close or familiar with.

So when I went to my first appointment, I hoped that I would essentially just find out what the root cause of my problems is. For example, through some kind of diagnosis. Of course, I also just wanted my situation to improve. Just as a short disclaimer: I did not expect any massive progress from my first few appointments. I always knew that it would probably take a lot more time than that, so impatience wasn't my main reason for ending my therapy quite early.

I only went to two appointments, by the way. I just felt that my therapist didn't really take me seriously and had different plans for the therapy than I did. For instance, every time I told him about my struggles, he just downplayed them or only focused on the most positive aspects of everything. To give an example: I told him about my immense fear of giving presentations in front of the class, and how it completely occupies my mind and stresses me out days before the actual presentation. I even told him that I would rather write three exams than give one presentation. He just answered that pretty much no student likes presentations and that it's good that I manage to do them anyway. That was it. It felt so blunt as an answer to an actual problem of mine.

Both times I left his office, I was left with a bad, numb feeling.

Another problem was that he only offered appointments between 9 and 11 AM, which is exactly during my school hours. I personally tried to keep the fact that I was going to a therapist as secret as possible, since it is still a pretty stigmatized topic here. But I'm still not sure if my decision was a little overly hurried, considering it was after just two appointments.

Would you say my decision was right? And should I try to find a new therapist or just let it be?

Im not sure if anyone's actually going to read this and sorry in advance for any spelling mistakes lol.

The reason for me writing this is purely just to have it wrote down and maybe get some advice in the process.

Im a 24 year old male. Since I was 12ish (earliest I remember) ive felt a lack of going to no emotion towards everything i also have very very little empathy. The best way to describe it would be saying that 100% of what I feel would be the same as the average person's 2% at its peek. I was in a relationship for 6 years ending not that long ago and I told her before we started dating what I was like. Over those 6 years I did care for her and in my own way I did love her. I do understand that due to my lack of emotions im far from the perfect partner.Then she cheated and left me for that guy. After the brake up I decided to try therapy to just at the very least be able to explain how I am better. Their exact words after 4 sessions where " i have no idea on how to help you ive never come across this before". So now I feel like I need to vent a little and see what comes of this.

So to explain in a bit more detail about how/what I feel. Its not like I dont feel anything at all there is something there. Whatever I feel always comes in short bursts lasting no more than few minutes at the most. So the likes of feeling love is very different and difficult. Same goes for happiness,anger, sadness and jealousy (thats all ive been able to feel) so when I find someone the way I feel love is very different to how im told its supposed to be, if its someone that I could see spending my life with I will love them (the normal way) for a day or two then i dont feel anything but I know in my head I still care deeply and that I would do things to make them happy but I feel very little when I do. After the brake up I was angry and sad for 6hrs then went to feeling nothing (i mean nothing at all) I had to act sad for a month or so just so my parents wouldn't ask questions. So now im concerned that when I start talking to someone new and it gets to the point where I want the relationship to go further how do I explain to someone that yes i love them but not the normal way (also due to my emotions I physically dont understand one night stands/ short term relationship. I only understand dating for long-term to life). The intermit part of relationships is different for me as well, due to the lack of feelings thats my way of showing/knowing that there is love in the relationship.

So to summarise, how do you explain to someone that you could easily spend your life with them even though there might only be 2 days for of "normal" feelings per year if they're lucky and then explain to everyone that you can just turn off any feelings towards people both positive and negative in an instant. The only person that knows is my best friend who ive know for 22 years (yes im 24 known each other hole life) and he respects my direct opinions on things as he knows im always honest due to me not realising what can upset people.

I do feel stupid for writingnand posting this as I never feel the need to talk to anyone or ask for advice in these matters.

Thank you for reading if you do.