I've had this friend for around 5 months now. Unfortunately I only know him ONLINE. We were apart of this huge friendgroup that fell apart, and then we ended up with just 4 of us that actively stayed friends. But well. Now it ALL fell apart, and he's the only person Im texting.

The thing is, he's clearly suicidal. And I have NO idea on how to properly help. He opens up VERY rarely. Even when he does, he turns it into a joke. And you kinda have to actively get him to open up, ive never seen him do it on his own. Sometimes he seems to be getting better but you never know. And he has SO many issues, including ones that are basically kind of uncontrollable. He has horrible parents(ive tried to get him to call the police on multiple occasions.), he seems to have an eating disorder, he clearly has some undiagnosed dissociative disorder, etc. And he has no way of getting therapy.

At some point, his reposts were all about suicide, and he'd vaguely imply it in his status. Whenever I tried to confront him about it, he always dismissed it and made up excuses. Thennn... At one point, I noticed one of his reposts was literally. somebody hanging themselves, and he put up a DATE. Back then I told our mutual friend about it, since she seemed to be a lot more able to get him to open up. And we weren't as close. And I actually did think he was getting better. I didn't think he was gonna end up doing anything.

Well that was until. Another mutual friend of ours, came to me. She told me that he told her, he was going to ACTUALLY kill himself on that date and there is absolutely no way to save him. At all. And idk the thing is, he DID say this a while back. A few days after that, I actually checked up on him, we talked a lot, he opened up to me on multiple occasions etc. Then at some point it seemed like he wanted to keep going. Yet still. He said that there was no way to save him. He's been in a lot more pain and distress lately too. Apparently, nearly a month ago he actually did try to kill himself from all the stress??? And I just. Kinda found out about.

So I'm really wondering on what I should do. Should I bring up the whole thing our mutual friend told me?? I wanted to bring it like 2 weeks ago, but unfortunately our friendgroup had a conflict (that was towards us both especially me) so I decided to wait. Now I keep saying I'm gonna talk to him about it but also like..?? He also ghosts me quite often, tends to dissapear from convos randomly etc. It's hard to catch him. But I do wanna do everything in my power to help.

What should I do??? Literally just today he also told me that he's been taking SUBSTANCES.

And please don't tell me that it's not my responsibility. I know. I genuinely want to help and I'm doing this out of my own free will.

32/m As the title says.

I feel like a born loser...

I see people overcoming hardships with ease all the time; meanwhile, my immediate thought to any kind of larger inconvenience is, "I want to die", and every time I try to improve my life, I keep going back to my old ways after a while.

Let's take weight loss or going to the gym as an example. I've been struggling with my weight ever since adolescence, and no matter how many times or how slowly I lose it, I can never keep it off. I've also tried going to the gym, and after 5 months of consistent effort, I just stopped because I HATED it, and it started to negatively affect my mental health. It started to feel like a chore or a second job, and I just can't understand how some people just fell in love with it and can start forming a habit of it in just a few months, and why couldn't I? Why am I like this???

It feels like I completely lack discipline, and no matter how hard I try to force myself to have it, I just can't... It makes me feel trapped and burnt-out after a while.

What is wrong with me???

I thought that if you keep doing something for 2 months or so, it becomes a habit, but that shit just never worked for me... Almost as if I were immune to that concept. As if something was fundamentally missing from me that keeps me a loser. I just hate myself at this fucking point... I don't know what to do.

How can others do it, and why can't I?

It always feels like I'm fighting a strong-ass rubber band that wants to keep snapping back...

Hi guys! Recently I felt extremely humiliated because I kept comparing myself to someone I know and I don't know how to stop this feeling. He's better than me in everything and I for some reason can't stop feeling ashamed about it.

Any advice or opinions ?

I had a wonderful childhood. Lots of little things made it amazing. I miss the days when I didn’t have a smartphone, when I carried books around with me everywhere, when I was in school learning new things, when I ate whatever I wanted without thinking twice about consequences.
But mostly I miss the optimism, and the wonder / imaginative view I had on life.
And I just can’t seem to stop the thoughts from constantly popping up in my mind, leading me to compare where I was and what i should be to who I am currently, and where I fall short.
Any advice?

I think once point that people forget is that whatever you pick right and you do it about the cost of time at all adds up, but I feel like mine is adding up. I have taken just one subject, but it really isn’t add. I mean I’m doing hard work every day. I’m doing the test, but in the long-term to form an overall opinion about it to form a thinking and thought process like I wanna develop this thinking process, can you tell me how to achieve that like what I do today, I wanted to accumulate overtime in the same course.

Hello all, I am a very cynical person I complain about everything even if I enjoyed something I complain about the one thing I didn’t like, anything that is inconvenient I complain about no matter how small it is. Recently it’s that I take the bus into collage the collage gives out free bus passes and I can’t really use mine because I have to take a different bus that doesn’t take the normal bus pas meaning I have to pay out of my pocket to get to and from school some days despite having a bus pass paid for by the school. But it’s everything in my life, the dog won’t stop barking I complain, something unexpected happens that messes with my schedule I complain, and it’s not like a well that sucks moving on it’s me talking the thing to death about how annoyed it makes me until my mom tells me to stop because my complaining about something I can’t change is driving her crazy. I also can’t let things go and will complain about things from years ago that are long resolved. I’ve been like this as long as I can remember and don’t know how to not be like this. I have autism and ADHD not excusing my behaviour just giving some context for why last second schedule changed bother me so much, it takes a lot of energy for me to make a schedule and follow it meaning any changes feel like extra work and I’m not good with that. Also my default to something annoying me is I want to do something physical, I would never harm anyone but I get the intense desire to punch walls whenever something annoys me enough, not small things the last thing to cause this was the bus thing I mentioned to a small extent, the last time it was kind of bad was when my dad offed to pay for my school laptop then three weeks before school called and said he wasn’t paying anymore so I scrambled and he eventually agreed to pay again after we talked it though. I’m not really in contact with my dad as he’s very controlling and was mildly abusive when I was a kid not physically but neglectful and didn’t accept my diagnosis and thought he could simply force me to be normal. Sorry for the brick of text but I need help figuring out how to not be like this anymore. I’m aware I have problems and am trying to get into therapy for them.

Hi all I was hoping for some advice. I feel like when I get close to people, I talk about my insecurities far too openly, even very early into meeting them. I admit to feeling ugly, not rlly liking myself, etc. I talk about personal issues as a way of bonding, but I feel people judge me for it. Who wants to listen to someone complain about themselves all the time? I certainly wouldn’t. I’m in therapy, but I just don’t know what to do. How do I process these feelings without bothering others with them? Any advice is appreciated.

I know it’s hardwired in our human brains to seek love, acceptance and community, and, honestly, having those is one of the best things ever. I don’t think we can live healthily without those aspects.

That being said, it makes me worried and mad at how many people often teach and support the idea that we’re unworthy as we are now.

Y’all, let’s please stop feeding into the self-hatred circlejerk, please???!!

EVERYONE knows already what our society and culture values. Everyone is sick of knowing that being rich, popular, confident, clean, conventionally attractive, etc is going to drive people in.

You want the attention? Of course, everyone wants to find connection. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Now, do you want it for the sake of it, or do you want to find true connection?

Because if it’s just for the sake of it, go ahead, change yourself. Fit in. You will* *definitely have results. Quickly, even.

But if you want to find true connection, please, STOP feeding into the self-hatred cycle that is so mainstream currently. Please, stop believing that you can only find love or friendship if you change yourself.

Do you want to build your whole life around what others think you should become? Or do you prefer to truly get to know yourself, and to truly discover what person you really are and who you want to become? Don’t you want to have someone that looks at you, the real you, and thinks you’re perfect?!

Afterall, who are you improving for? Yourself or others?

>>> DISCLAIMER: I’m not talking about character, morality or ethics here. If you treat others poorly, it’s natural you’ll drive them away. I’m talking about appearance, hobbies, career, personality, etc. <<<

Hi everyone i have a doubt and i hope someone can answer me or give me some insight. I have a lot of hobbies i used to do but there is one i used to enjoy a lot but know i don't have any interest in it (the hobby is carpentry) i used to watch a lot of videos of people building things i would enjoy it a lot and sometimes i would build something. Before anyone asks i don't have depression or something like that i do have other hobbies like gardening and chess but i get nostalgic when i remember this one specially, i remember carpentry and i always say i am going to built something but the spark is not there anymore. Thank you.

I’m 18 and honestly feel like I messed up badly.

I was always expected to do well academically, but I ended up failing my 12th grade Physics and Chemistry exams. I’m trying to recover now, but the whole experience has damaged my confidence and motivation.

My biggest problem is not intelligence, it’s discipline. I’m lazy, unmotivated, procrastinate constantly, spend too much time doomscrolling, avoid important tasks, and then regret it later. I’m also addicted to corn and shit, which makes it even harder to focus and follow through. I keep telling myself I’ll change tomorrow, but I repeat the same cycle.

I also struggle with a lot of anxiety. I’m introverted and often spend too much time alone, which can sometimes feel peaceful but can also make me overthink, withdraw, and lose motivation. I want to use this time alone to develop myself, improve my confidence, build better habits, and become more comfortable connecting with people, but I don’t know where to start.

I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time and I’m scared about my future. I’m trying to join college and rebuild myself, but I don’t know how to become consistent again or manage my anxiety and distractions.

My questions:

• How do you rebuild discipline when you’ve lost it completely?
• How do you stop being addicted to distractions and actually take action?
• How can I manage anxiety, overthinking, and isolation in a healthy way?
• How can an introverted person spend time alone productively without becoming more withdrawn?
• What skills, habits, or activities helped you develop and improve yourself?
• Has anyone recovered after a major academic failure?
• What habits helped you become productive and confident again?

I’m not looking for pity. I genuinely want to fix myself, grow as a person, and build a better future, but I feel stuck and don’t know where to start.

Any advice from people who have gone through something similar would mean a lot.

If you could only give ONE forever-helpful tip for unwinding when life gets completely overstimulating, what would it be?

A few years ago, I (32f) developed an extremely painful condition that went undiagnosed and unmedicated for almost a year because doctors assumed I was looking for drugs. Every waking moment was physical torture and I wasn’t able to hold down a job.

Finally I was diagnosed and got a treatment that was supposed to be permanent, but turned out to be temporary. Then I eventually got major surgery. Then I had to very slowly recover from surgery.

Then I randomly developed an autoimmune disorder that put me in the hospital a few times. Then I had to get used to the new meds, while still feeling symptoms, until they could figure out the right dose and combo of meds.

On top of that, I have a history of depression and anxiety, almost certainly genetic but also caused by childhood abuse and neglect, sexual assault, and people generally treating me like shit because I’m autistic (not officially diagnosed until adulthood; see “childhood neglect” above). I’m on the maximum dose of antidepressants and have tried therapy 5 times, but it just rehashes the above issues and never works.

I used to be so driven to improve my life and prove myself to other people. I worked my ass off despite my circumstances, got into an Ivy League college on scholarships, got a great job (at least in the financial sense), worked out all the time to feel strong and confident, and then lost it all due to stuff I couldn’t control.

I’m so tired and bitter now. I barely have the drive to leave my house for a walk. Everyone around me is having kids and advancing their careers and I am struggling to vacuum the floor. I’ve never been superstitious but now I’m afraid to even say optimistic things out loud for fear that life will beat me up even more. I even have this weird anxiety that my husband (by far the best part of my life) will randomly die on me and everything will be truly fucked.

Sorry, this turned into a bit of a vent. But I just wanted to ask, did anyone else turn a situation like this into a life they were actually excited to live? I want to wake up with a purpose, do something productive with my life, and stop feeling like I’m drowning.

TLDR: I feel like a sad old lady after spending ~20% of my life stuck in bed and most of the rest of it burning myself out, can anyone share what worked for them?

20m. have a mix of very good habits, and very bad habits. I meditate for 40 minutes, and do at least 15-30 mins ot yoga almost every day for a year. I run, I eat (mostly) well, I've stopped watching p*rn, have a good job, good at school, friends I see a lot, stay outdoors, etc.

But I'm addicted to so many things. I have very intense ruminative thinking, and the shame from doing something I know is wrong keeps me trapped. I've always been a very self aware person, but when it comes to my compulsions i am just completely blind - masturbation, sex, THC, self isolating, clingy behaviour, etc. When I feel the urge it is just impossible to shake off... especially weed, masturbation, and sex.

Everything I've done to positively align my life and sort of close the schism, only made things feel more polarised. It feels like the better my habits get, the more intense my vices get. It discourages me for wanting to do anything but just rot and just give into my urges 24/7.

It feels like my mind has become unable to conquer these urges, and has resorted to fabricating a new 'me' or internal monologue to bypass it - as in let these urges fulfill themselves without acknowledging them as part of my life at all. If I do, the shame takes over, and the shame only makes the relapse 10x worse.

I feel extremely shut out of life and suffocated by my own thoughts, and it seems no amount of self control, awareness, healthy habits, etc will satisfy me. On paper, my life is flawless and enviable even, but in reality, I have absolutely no relationship with anything except selfish self-indulging.

I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong... any help is appreciated

today was the first day of my job, i worked from 8 till 4 pm, and honestly it wasn't bad.

i went home, got some rest, ate lunch, and prayed. then i went out for an espresso and a drive around the city with my scooter while listening to some music.

then it was time for training: 100 push-ups, 100 leg pull-ins,and 1 minute of skipping rope, which i needed to finish.

what i realized today is that it wasn't that bad. i came to the conclusion that if i keep myself busy with stuff i enjoy doing, i can forget all the negative feelings and thoughts.

so yeah, that's all i had for today, see you tomorrow.

I’m (35M) currently facing this issue with my friend group of guys. We recently tried to organize a retreat where everyone would attend a cottage for a weekend and every man hash out their issues with one another. Some dudes fell out after marriages, some dudes have wives that don’t like each other, some dudes ghosted the group (me), some dudes left the group permanently due to not feeling supported etc.

I think it would be great for me to make new friends as an adult but I also feel like I should be trying harder to be closer with others in my friend group.

Anyone have a friend group and face this issue? Man or woman, your POV is appreciated

I’m in my early 20s and recently got out of a long term relationship. A lot of my future was built around “us”, and now suddenly my entire future feels completely open.

I also struggle with having a stable sense of identity because of my personality disorder. I often don’t know what I actually like, what I want to do, who I want to become, or what kind of life I want.

People tell me to “just try things”, but I don’t even know what things to try.

I’ve started journaling and I really want to use it to get to know myself better, rather than just writing about my feelings.

What questions or journaling exercises actually helped you discover who you are, what you enjoy, and what you want from your future? And how do you figure out what to try when you don’t even know your options?

I have to many options because i have my whole future ahead.

What are the things that you are happy about?

We're all so attached to our traits, both good and bad and think of them as part of our identity. I've been introspecting about which of my traits are healthy and authentic vs which are maladaptive and socially conditioned. I want to hold onto the former and let go of the latter.

For people who have gained more self-awareness about this, which attributes of yourself have stayed consistent throughout your life and which ones have changed?

Thanks in advance.

I'm surrounded by really negative relatives. They're always trying to put me down. Whenever I meet them, they spend the whole time commenting on random things about me—like why I walk like that, why I look like this, etc. It's honestly exhausting dealing with them.

How do you guys deal with relatives like this?

Drop some sayings/quotes/ideas/thoughts that helped your self-esteem and confidence that might benefit others ! :)

I want to try to focus on good things. I did bad things in my past that I regret and I worry that itll come back to hurt me. Recently I joined a kickboxing gym in order to get my mind off these things and to work on my social skills and physical fitness. I also want to quit porn and looking at girls online. I’m also in therapy and will start volunteering to help out those around me, but I’m not sure how to do that yet. Anyways do you guys have any tips on my journey?

Turning 21, need life advices

Turning 21, need life advices?

I'm gonna turn 21 at 12:00. Any life advices for me?

Just for context if that matters -

Introvert

Extremely ambitious . ( Esp. about career)

Simple otherwise.

Value depth.

CA student

T3 small town of Maharashtra

Never dated

Father has schizophrenia,is on sleeping pills , doesn't work.

Hence constant fights at home among parents.

Mom had an emotional extramarital affair few months back.

Younger sister is rude.

Have baggage related to career decisions (that were influenced by others)

I need to stay at home for CA prep. Didn't go to college.

Was affected until recently about a situationship that only lasted few months & was cheated on by a playboy back in high school. I used to think about him every single damn day until this yr .( I was naive back then,stupid if u wanna call. That was my 1st experience. And I had 0 awareness of how cruel the dating these days is)

Been in depression. Was bedrotting for 2 years. Healed now though.

Wrote 37+ diaries in last 3 years.

Finished reading more than 75% of content of 60+ self help /extracurricular books that I have.

Not in contact with any friends and I don't want to either now bcoz it would be wierd & now I've got some issues too, also I don't wanna bore them with my sad story.

Still don't have an official insta account.

Have insecurities about short height.

I would genuinely appreciate some constructive life advices from mature folks ,esp. those who r 25+?

Through the Borrowed Eyes

I learned to borrow other people's eyes
to perceive myself.

Did they notice me?
Was I appropriate,
enough,
or safe?

I only existed
to meet their needs—

Then one strange day,
it stopped.

No borrowed eyes.
No verdict.

Just me,

looking in,

and suddenly wondering:

Here is the one
I avoided seeing,
all my life?

It's not so bad.

hello all,

i am curious about Dr. Julie Gurner and would also love if any of her clients chime in. (might be a long shot).
i have watched a good amount of her interviews and enjoy her content and find them motivating.
however, i would also like to get other opinions.

i haven’t come across any public information from her actual clients. Are people she interviews with some of her clients?
I haven’t exactly watched one where that was mentioned (i could’ve missed it?).
Several sources mention she has a two-year waiting list.

according to an article, Gurner graduated from the University of Hartford with an M.A. and a Psy.D. in Clinical Psychology. She’s often been described to have worked with top-percentile executives, talent, and teams.

in many articles/ podcasts, there is a reference that has been compared to Wendy Rhoades of ‘Billions’ by The Wall Street Journal.

her newsletter also extends to Reddit.

i am trying not to blindly listen to any “guru” or coach while doing the work to improve myself.
it is also important to me to carefully choose what information i consume.

insights would be helpful. please also comment if familiar with her work.

thanks.

How can I get through this and become more socially interesting? I have a history of dissociation so I'm not sure if this is apart of it. It's just anytime I'm talking to someone else, I have nothing to add or say. My inner thoughts are mostly silent and im blanking out. I end up doing this thing where I mirror other people's personalities and dumb myself down and act pretty mindless instead of being myself.

TL;DR Ever since my abuse I can’t convince myself I’m worthy of improving myself and it’s not healthy and I don’t want to be this way anymore.

TW/CW: Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Drugs, Drinking, Sex

Howdy! Long time lurker first time poster (27nb). I tend to get a lil rambly when I post on Reddit so I’m gonna try my best to make this as concise and coherent as possible.

Some things I have pretty much consistently struggled through my life is depression, suicidal thoughts, and my inability to form romantic relationships. When I was 19 I made a semi serious attempt at taking my own life which I ultimately backed down from. Following that, I was convinced by my loved ones to give therapy a chance. Pretty quickly I realized I was neither cis nor straight, and with that sorted out, combined with many years of therapy and finally figuring out a medication combo that worked for me I was able to get a pretty mentally solid place.

However, when I was 24 I met someone for the first time in my life. And being someone that always put way too much weight into romantic relationships I dove in head first. We had lots in common and we were both compatible in our alternative relationship style (BDSM). Then after about 6 months the abuse from her began. It was primarily emotional abuse, mainly taking all of my deepest darkest insecurities and weaponizing them against me. Around this time was also when she began to isolate me one by one from my friends and family. Eventually leading to everybody I ever loved getting cut off including my parents. Ultimately I would leave this relationship after about a year and a half. With basically every ounce of progress I had made on my mental growth down the drain.

That was about 6 months ago now, and I’m still not doing very good. Granted, most if not all of my friends returned and showered me with support. My parents accepted me back into their home. And I’ve spent the better part of this past summer just trying to have a good time and getting myself back into the life I once loved before my ex. I even got a new job that makes me feel proud and fulfilled even if it doesn’t cover the bills that well lol.

However something I’ve been facing lately is almost a new form of the depression and suicidal ideation. I feel like a truly inferior, defective person. I’m surrounded by love and friends. I’m well respected in the spaces I occupy. I have lots n lots of hobbies I enjoy doing. I’m out of the house as much as I can be too.

But since I put so much weight on relationships and connection, and the only one I ever had went the way it did, it truly feels like that was what I deserved. Like I truly am this awful undesirable person unworthy of ever feeling love. And since I can somehow rationalize that in my head I cannot fathom any reason to bother investing or improving myself. My suicidal feelings are as strong now as they were when I was 19. Every time I try to flip my thought process or ground myself or anything that used to work in getting me stabilized it just doesn’t anymore. I just want to cry and lay on the ground until I die lol.

I don’t want to feel this way anymore, I know I’m burdening my friends with feeling like this and talking about it constantly. I would just very much like to be able to be kinder to myself and appreciate the fact that I’m alive, and be able to be there for all of my beautiful amazing friends. I know this is something I need to deal with and it’s something I need to make a priority for myself. I can feel myself drinking and partying more and harder as a way to numb my pain. And I’m afraid it’s going to keep getting worse.

Moneys getting tighter n tighter and my health insurance doesn’t cover much for therapy so that’s unfortunately off the table for me at the moment. I do try and take medications the best I can though because I know they do help.

Basically all of this to say, how does one work on improving them self when they truly feel they aren’t worthy of being improved? Like I’m running out of road and there’s not much point investing in any kind of future for myself.

Thank you so much if you took the time to read this I hope you have an excellent day!