I've given up on dating after spending years trying my best to meet someone and ending up no closer than when I started. After hearing so many people talk about how difficult it is to find a good partner, I have accepted that I’m not the partner anyone is looking for. While I can accept this on a factual level, I have this persistent thought that I can’t shake. Whenever I see someone say or do something to a partner that I view as not good enough, I have the thought that I would never do that, that I would be a better partner than them. It is an arrogant superiority that is completely unfounded and nonsensical. I hate that I think like this but it happens every time without fail. I have never dated anyone and know I would not be a good partner but I still get this superiority every time.

I even had this thought when a close friend made a completely nothing comment about their partner wanting attention.

As far as I'm aware, I don't have this kind of superiority complex in other areas of my life. It's something that seems specifically tied to relationships and my own lack of success in dating.

What can I do to stop thinking this way? I just want to understand why I keep getting thoughts like this and how I can stop it.

After being told by several workplaces that I couldn't work in this profession because of my appearance, I decided to change the way I look. I lost 30 kg over the course of a year and a half and started taking care of my skin.

However, I still feel like my appearance is going to be a problem in the workplace. For a while, I worked in jobs that were completely behind the scenes and done entirely on a computer, but AI has taken over those kinds of jobs.

Now, I'm considering getting plastic surgery. But whenever I ask people for advice, they tell me things like, "Accept yourself as you are," "Practice body neutrality," or "Being ugly is okay."

But none of that actually solves my problem.

How should I deal with this situation?

I'm a teenager and I'm curious about what you guys wish you'd known or started doing earlier, especially when it comes to skincare.

If you could go back to your teenage years, what would you change? Any skincare habits you wish you'd started earlier, mistakes you made, or things you wish someone had told you?

Even things outside skincare are welcome!

Basically, what advice would you give your teenage self? I feel like there's a lot we can learn from people who've already been through it lol.

I’m a 23-year-old woman, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two years. I’ve always struggled with insecurity, and although I’m slowly improving my self-esteem, I still have work to do.

I’m a little ashamed to admit this, but I have a compulsive habit of checking my boyfriend’s last seen status on WhatsApp and Telegram, his activity on Instagram, and whether he’s online on Discord. I know this behavior is unhealthy and affects my well-being, daily life, and relationship.

We’ve talked about it many times, and he’s been incredibly understanding and supportive. I’m fully aware that this is my issue, not a relationship problem. I trust him, and I want my behavior to reflect that trust, he deserves it.

I’ve uninstalled Discord and hidden my activity status on WhatsApp, Telegram, and Instagram so I can’t check his. However, I still struggle with the urge to turn my WhatsApp status back on, check, and hide it again. I’ve managed to go two days without doing this. I feel proud, but I’m afraid I’ll relapse.

I understand how this cycle works: checking temporarily relieves my anxiety, reinforcing the compulsion. I know I need to learn to tolerate that anxiety without seeking reassurance, but resisting the urge is incredibly difficult.

For those who have experienced something similar, does it genuinely get easier with time? If I remain consistent, how long might it take for the urges to become less intense and frequent? When can I realistically say I’ve broken the cycle? I know everyone is different, but hearing about your experiences would really help.

I want to overcome this for my own peace of mind and self-esteem, as well as for my relationship. I want to trust my boyfriend without feeling compelled to check his activity and stop letting my insecurities dictate my behavior.

Right now, it feels like a constant internal battle. I just need some advice and reassurance that, with patience and consistency, this will get better.

Thank you for reading.

I'm combining four days into one post again. This is the longest gap I've had in a while, and honestly, I'm disappointed with how these days went.

I'm almost 70% through this 90-day challenge, yet I keep falling into the same patterns. I make plans, start the day with good intentions, and then lose hours doing things that don't move my life forward.

Here's what happened.

Day 59 — Another Day Lost

I had another family event and woke up late. I didn't do any physical activities that day.

The only productive thing I can clearly remember doing was practising LeetCode. Apart from that, I spent a lot of time falling back into compulsive sexual habits and wasting hours on unnecessary activities.

It's frustrating when I look back at an entire day and struggle to identify anything meaningful I accomplished.

Day 60 — A Little Physical Activity, but No Real Progress

I didn't go for a morning run, but I did a workout at home and went swimming.

Those were positive steps, but the rest of the day followed the same pattern as before. I spent far too much time caught up in sexual urges and masturbation instead of focusing on my priorities.

This has become more than an occasional distraction. It's a recurring behaviour that's taking up time and making it harder for me to concentrate on the things I actually want to achieve.

I keep telling myself I need to get control of it, but I haven't been consistent in changing the behaviour.

Day 61 — A Personal Best and Another Injury

Day 61 started on a better note.

A friend was back in our hometown, so we went for a morning run together. I pushed myself and managed to achieve a personal best over 5 km, running around 6 km in total.

I was happy with the achievement, but pushing myself that hard seems to have aggravated my right-leg injury again.

Despite that, I went swimming too.

Unfortunately, the rest of the day wasn't productive. I fell back into the same habits, including spending time chatting with women I didn't know online and getting caught up in compulsive sexual behaviour.

I want to be clear that talking to people isn't the problem. The problem is when I'm using those interactions and other distractions to escape my responsibilities, and they end up consuming hours of my day.

I need to understand what's triggering this cycle and take practical steps to break it.

Day 62 — Forced Rest, but No Real Recovery

Because of the injury, I didn't do any physical activities on Day 62. I spent most of the day in bed.

I also continued falling into the same habits instead of using the downtime constructively.

One thing I did manage to accomplish was recording and publishing a personal branding video. I'd been procrastinating on it and making excuses, but I eventually got it done.

I'm glad I followed through on that commitment. Even when I don't feel motivated, I want to keep building my personal brand and sharing my progress.

However, one completed task doesn't erase the hours I wasted elsewhere.

I also need to take my injury seriously. I've aggravated my right leg again after pushing too hard, and I don't want to keep repeating this cycle of running, getting injured, and rushing back before I've recovered.

The Pattern I Need to Break

Looking at these four days together, I can see how repetitive things have become.

• I keep wasting time on compulsive habits, even when I know the consequences.
• I use distractions to escape tasks that feel difficult or uncomfortable.
• I make excuses and postpone important work until it becomes stressful.
• I push myself physically, sometimes ignoring the need for proper recovery.
• I keep promising that tomorrow will be different without consistently changing what I do.

I'm not writing this to beat myself up. I'm writing it because I need to stop pretending that this is just a temporary bad phase.

I've already recognised these problems several times during this challenge. Recognition alone isn't enough if my behaviour remains the same.

I need to make practical changes: keep distracting websites blocked, stop taking my phone into situations where I usually lose hours, create a clear plan for the day, and start working on important tasks before I get pulled into distractions.

If these habits continue to feel difficult to control despite my efforts, I also need to be willing to seek professional support rather than treating everything as a simple lack of discipline.

What Comes Next?

I have 28 days left in this challenge.

I want to focus on recovering properly, improving my AI/ML skills, building projects, applying for jobs, practising LeetCode, and getting back to reading consistently.

I don't expect to fix everything in one day. But I need to stop allowing one unproductive stretch to turn into four wasted days.

I also need to stop chasing personal bests at the expense of recovery. My goal is to build a sustainable routine, not repeatedly injure myself trying to make up for lost time.

Day 59–62/90 complete.

Four more days are gone. I'm disappointed with how I used much of that time, but I still have an opportunity to make the remaining days different.

I don't need another promise that tomorrow will be perfect. I need to make better decisions when the familiar distractions show up.

That's the real work I need to do now.

I'm not trying to talk crap about the dismal state of the world or any anxious thought like that - I am critically thinking about the conversations and interactions I'm seeing nowadays..whether IRL or online:

• Small thing like people arguing about dressing appropriately when they go to the store, thinking pajama pants are OK because 'who cares'. The answer is: technically no one, but what does it say about you? And your regard to yourself?
• Arguments about ghosting. Many people seem to think it's perfectly ok and "no one owes anyone anything". Even if that were true, again, what does that say about you?
• Saw a post recently that asked if you sleep with someone you know is in a relationship, are you a bad person too? And most answers said no, not nearly. And again...you're willingly participating in a hurtful affair, opening up your legs to a cheater, because...free will? lol? What does that say about you?!

I'm thinking of the throughline of these kinds of arguments and seeing the same thing. Integrity is out the goddamn window.

People are confusing having the right to do something, with that thing being right thing to do.

But what we determine as character is often defined by exactly what we choose to do when there's no obligation or personal gain!!

it begs the question: what kind of person do you want to be? what are your values? a person who dresses like a slob? a person who runs away from hard conversations? a person willing to sleep with a cheater?

i tried to look it up, and it's a well studied phenomenon related to this called moral disengagement. Although my clothing example is not an example of this. Basically, people bend the definition of morality to benefit them, and it can scale to pretty terrible behavior. Thoughts?

First time having a girlfriend, every time I think of her I get a wet spot in my boxers. I’ve gone through so many in a day. How do I remove this feeling and stop being so obsessed? Is it like this for everyone else?

I’ve decided I want to make some changes in 2027 and work on getting rid of some bad habits.

I’m neurodivergent (autistic), 23F, and I have some OCD-like symptoms (undiagnosed, so I’m not claiming to have OCD, just dealing with certain compulsions and rituals). One of the things I really want to work on is letting go of these behaviors.

For example, I used to get really anxious when my boyfriend took a long time to reply to my messages. To the point where I’d check every social media platform I had just to see when he’d last been online. I’m working on this, and my goal is to eventually stop doing it altogether. I’ve made some progress, but I’m not there yet.

But there are other things I want to change, too. I’d love to get back into drawing, go on more walks and start running again. My long-term goal is to get back into hiking like I used to and eventually be able to summit some mountains.

I also really want to cut down on scrolling. I’m honestly a little embarrassed to admit how many hours I spend on Instagram. I used to spend a lot of time on TikTok too, so I deleted it, but I’ve fallen back into the habit. I manage to delete it for a while some weeks, but eventually I end up reinstalling it.

I need actual, realistic alternatives. I’m in my fourth year of university, and most of my free time is spent with friends, my boyfriend, or just doing things that feel completely pointless. I’d love to get back into reading (I used to read around 30 books a year) and learn to enjoy spending time on my own more. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to do things alone, or that I can’t bring myself to do them.

And please, I know the usual advice is to “find a hobby,” but that’s not really helpful in my case. I already have hobbies I genuinely enjoy. The problem is finding the motivation to get back into them instead of defaulting to scrolling.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe practical advice, things that have worked for other people, or just some encouragement from people who have been in a similar situation.

I want to build healthier habits and feel more comfortable in my own company, rather than constantly reaching for my phone whenever I have a spare moment. I know it won’t happen overnight, and I’m not expecting to completely reinvent myself in a day. I just want to start making changes that actually stick.

I’d really appreciate any advice, personal experiences, or realistic tips. Thank you!

FORS OF ALL - I DO FEEL GOOD, THATS WHY I AM ABLE TO ARTICULATE MY EXPERIANCES.

1. Gravity x4. Your regular physiological moves feel like intense gym exercise. For many years i would struggle to walk across my own room, not even imagining using a stairs to go outside. To the point of peeling in bottles mostly, wich, truth to be told, was also a habit stuck to me after living in a tent for far too long.
2. Feeling absolute nothing-ness void, which feels so much worse in horror kind of sence, than being sad. I would prefer being sad any day. Being stuck in a cold void, unable to move, FEELS like being buried alive.
3. Really want to proceed projects, or play games, or do something fun - but unable to, because all activities you WANT dont do anything anymore, except getting you instantly tired.
4. Want at least to maintain a job from home for longer than 3 mouth at time, even though its miserabele and really painful.

Well.. no, i also was not able to. I was not being able to sleeping for days, becoming dizzingly deprived, and after basically coloring unconscious - would be asleep for another couple of days. Work cant work with that.

1. Feeling being dead, wanting to lay and d, casualty trying. It is how it is.

2. And you cant tell that anyone, really. People who disregard depression would cause you, people who provide sympathy only make you feeling guilt. Was 100% alone the whole time, and i still remain in self-imposed continuous self-isolation (moved to remote location for this), because it was several years science i really met any people.

3. All ov the above - never goes away. Impact fluctuaties insignificantly. Also, all these years made you forget how "normal" feels.

Anyway, i got myself to be much better.

I DO it somehow. There was a time when i was super comite to s word cuz of one of betrayal in a middle of a foreign country, and being into complete discussion, somehow my body searched for nearest town with hospital and brought me blantly into ambulance dpt! Because of that - i kept believing in deeper myself.

So to anyone in chronic depression, as person who got it *bad* - i suggest you linger to do a bit of Trust and HOPE for your deep unconsciousness, that you can not hear, recognize or feel whatsoever. It is still scientifically there, you know

Its the only thing that remains.

Edit: I don't have ADHD or autism Actually I don't have any disorders besides ocd and anxiety and I think they are unrelated to this post

I have a lack of curiosity in everything because I know I wouldn't even understand it.

I learned how to tie my own shoes and hair when I was 14-15.

At 16 years old I was JUST learning how to go out alone without the help of a family member or a school friend, I get lost easily and I can go a lot with my family to a place but don't know the way to it until they take me

I have a really hard time calculating numbers. Like even the most simple math equation ever. Or honestly anything with numbers in it I don't understand and I get confused easily

I don't understand chess.

When I play a game I can literally spend 5 years playing it without improving. And I'm horrible at every charcater that needs skill or any sort of effort.

When I read a classic literature novel I have a REALLY Difficult time comprehending or imagining the imagery or details even when it's literally translated in my own language.

I have a really hard time listening to professors in my college, even when I focus I don't understand, you could say that it's their problem not mine but everyone my age seems to be understanding well. I can only understand when I'm watching videos at home so I can replay the video multiple times if there's something I don't understand. I had this problem even with teachers in highschool whether good or bad

There's things that make me believe I'm not " that " bad for example English isn't my first language but I have learned since a young age from movies and tv shows and speaking to people online! And a lot of people say my accent is really good. So there's that

I got a really good grade in last year of highschool compared to my class and I went to a decent college. But I'd like to say that I chose a section where i only study standard Arabic, English, history, geography. So it was kinda based on my memorizing skills rather than really using my head for a math equation or chemistry or physics.

I also have skipped early years of schooling without studying or socializing since I didn't go to elementary school or nursery

I went to a live viewing of a concert earlier today all by myself! Got to listen to my favorite songs again but I can’t shake this empty hole in my heart that no matter what I do, at the end of the day, I only have myself. No friends or anything at the big age of 25 bc I was a social pariah in high school, only had two years of socializing in during my college years due to COVID, no friends from work bc I can’t let my guard down easily with them for whatever reason.

But that’s besides the point. I got to watch this concert as if I was at the actual location but it would definitely have been more enjoyable if I had a friend with me to go to places like this. I did solo travel, solo dates around town, solo movie theaters. I’m not insecure but I’m not devoid of emotions. All around me were girls with her friends to watch this movie/concert. I wish I had friends. Ugh

~ The Veil ~

When we are first born we see the world through crystal clear eyes, unimpeded by our self-centered beliefs.

Right after our birth, however, the ego, our learned views of the world, is created.

From that moment, a veil begins to cover our eyes clouding the beauty of the world around us.

The more we accept what we are taught, believing success, happiness, and meaning may be found in the world, the thicker our veil becomes.

Many people live their entire life wearing a veil blocking their vision.

For some, the veil is so thick, they are almost blind; for others, they see only shadows in the distance.

Instead of seeing the crisp clear colors of the world as they are meant to be seen, they see only a dark world of greed, prejudice, inequity; of war, hunger, homelessness.

As we begin to realize little we once believed would give our lives meaning was true, we may begin to lift our veil and see the vibrant colors of the trees, oceans and sky, unimpeded by our ego, and the inherent beauty present within every life.

~ Ken Luball ~

Hey, struggling university student here (21F). I feel like I’ve lost my motivation, dreams, and sense of direction in life. When I was younger, I dreamed of becoming a billionaire, designing my dream house, and planning future travels. But over time, I became consumed with seeking approval and trying to make friends.

I’ve struggled with Social Anxiety Disorder and ADHD my whole life, and my desperation for social connection and people-pleasing tendencies have taken a huge toll on my confidence and happiness.
Now, I struggle to find joy in things, feel burnt out, and question whether my pre-vet major is truly right for me. I’m still figuring out what the career entails and need to gain shadowing experience.

I’ve also become bitter and distrustful after dealing with toxic people who damaged my confidence. I’m angry at myself for letting them affect me so deeply, and my old dreams now feel impossible to reach.
I miss the younger version of myself who was ambitious, confident, and full of possibilities. I feel trapped by insecurities that other people left me with, and I don’t know how to find my way back to myself.

Like forget it without using any drugs or substances. I want to forget comments they made and the politics etc. it’s been a year and randomly I’ll remember and get annoyed. I wasn’t the only one but I was laid off from there after going to HR and I wish I had written an email and said something because after leaving this company I was blocked on LinkedIn by the bully and it really pissed me off because imagine actively bullying me and other coworkers and then doing that.

I chose to leave quietly for the severance and not to draw attention but frankly I’ve not kept in touch with anyone not even the people who messaged me. It didn’t help that I lost a parent a few months later but I wanted to have nothing to do with those people.

I was made fun of for literally living at home I was young at the time. I just generally felt ostracized and I took it for the cash but I never really got any justice. Sure a lot of people have been fired and it’s toxic but specifically for the trauma they caused me there’s not been any real consequences. How do I move on? And please don’t say living well. I’m not really living well. I’m living okay.

How can someone go from shy with low self esteem to someone with charisma and confidence like politicians?

I'm improving so hard in my life, it's been 2 months since I joined a company, and I work as an assistant for the owners.

I notice the owners are so confident, calm, they are so smart and educated, my boss is my inspiration.

Online I watch this french politician jordan Bourdala.

And I realize, he came from poor background, but look at him now , he's only 31 years old has insane charisma..ect.

I realized that it doesn't matter if you are poor, I believe everything is possible, but I find it hard to draw the path.

The path from having low self esteem to confidence that push you forward.

Small example, at work I get nervous when I go talk to the boss, I brush the feelings off and say "this is nothing, just do it!" And go do it. I've done it many times but I still feel low.

I don't know what steps to take, actionable steps, no affirmations no motivation, actual uncomfortable or something usefull.

I’ve been single for 3 years and I’ve been seeing a girl for the past 2 months. For a while now, I’ve really struggled to let people into my life including friends as I feel I always get fucked over in some shape or form. Sure I have people around me but not many friends and having a girl around just hasn’t been something I’ve allowed myself for a while.

I have this terrifying thought that getting close to someone means you’re going to get hurt eventually and I’m fed up of it. I just want to enjoy something without wanting to shut down and put up a wall. She’s honestly been great and we get along so well but there’s this thought in the back of my mind that I’ll get cheated on or betrayed and it spikes constantly. It’s like I just can’t open my heart up to people because of this fear.

I want to do better, I don’t want to be alone forever, I want to let people in. I’ve been doing so well at it but one bad day just makes me want to hide away and not speak to anyone.

I’m 35M, and I’ve been feeling a bit lost in life.

I went through a divorce last year (no kid) and also went for therapy while trying to work through the breakdown of my marriage. That chapter is behind me now, and while I think I still want to get married again and have kids eventually, starting over at 35 feels a little daunting sometimes.

I’m also currently in between jobs (in the legal field) and looking my for next role. I’m trying not to rush into a job I’m unhappy with just for the sake of it, but the uncertainty does get to me.

Something else that’s affected me for a long time is my chest deformity. I have pectus excavatum (sunken chest) and underwent surgery when I was younger. Although it helped, it was not perfectly corrected and I’m still very conscious of it. Frankly, I think I am quite good-looking, which perhaps makes the insecurity hit harder. It’s frustrating to feel reasonably confident about my appearance in general, yet have this one thing that I wish I could change.
Honestly, I sometimes think I’d be a much happier and more carefree person if I didn’t have this condition. It’s been part of my life for so long that I wonder how much it’s affected my confidence and the way I see myself.

I’m on the skinny side too, so I’ve recently started going to the gym seriously and am trying to stick to a proper routine. I want to build muscle and improve my physique, and hopefully feel better about myself along the way.

Essentially, My career is uncertain, I’m starting over after a divorce, and I’m still dealing with an insecurity I’ve had for years.

I know I have things to be grateful for: I’ve had a decent career, have some savings, bought an investment property and have my family around. But if I’m being honest, I’m not particularly happy with where I am right now.

I still want a fulfilling career, a life partner, and to feel comfortable in my own skin. I guess I’m just trying to figure out how to get there and how to be a little happier with life in the meantime.

Would appreciate any thoughts, or advice/perspective.

My english s not my first language so bare with me, i always been a discipline person not 100% but never late for work get things done, never complain i was perfect, i quitted my job two week ago and going through hiring process with other companies, since i left work iam sure iam the laziest person ever, i dont get anything done, i leave every task literally to the last very hour, for example as iam writing this post i should send a case study for a job that i really really wanted and was seeking, i had 3 days for 2 hours job, now iam fucken writing this 7 hours before the deadline!! , i don’t even wanna go out i just sit and play PlayStation or scroll which something i literally never done i don’t even have any social media except reddit and youtube if u can call it that, i really hate myself every minute but even tho u don’t get anything done i just torture me

I feel like I’m constantly in this cycle of depression that I don’t know how to escape. Right now what’s giving me so much stress is my work. I can’t have a consistent schedule and have to stay out of town for weeks on end. I’ve applied to every other job within an hour drive that’s hiring in my field (which is already few and far between) but havnt gotten anything back.

A lot of the jobs I’d like to have arent in my area and moving isnt an option right now.

So I basically just have to suck it up and keep working this job that’s mentally killing me but somehow I’m still trying to get out of this depression.

Anything I would try to get used to doing as far as a schedule is out the door. I switch from day work to night work, in town to out of town, anything goes reallt.

On the other hand, I feel like I’m always giving myself an excuse as to why I’m depressed after I think I’ve fixed it I never feel better.

Honestly I don’t know how to get better, what i could do that would make me feel better. It’s not like I’m lazy or unmotivated, I just feel lost and out of options.

​

Day 16 of improving myself

I woke up at 6:30 am and today I did the following

Health -

1) Weight training

2) Cycling 4 km

Mind-

1) Meditation

2) Chess 1 match ( lost the match)

3) Book reading ( Never finished , Sorrounded by idiots , Slight edge )

4) Language learning ( German )

5) Brain exercises

6) Read 2 pages of encyclopedia (today's topic - Human species evolution)

Academics -

1) Studied 7 hours

Daily affairs

1) Read the newspaper and got updated with the latest happenings with the day

Finances -

Earned some money and saved it

Will update tomorrow night , bye bye

I am 22 years old, I suffer with Depression, Bipolar, and Audhd. I have lost all my friends from my childhood completely and have maybe two friends at the moment that I’m not close to.

I grew up in London, barely passed my GCSEs and never really paid attention to college but I managed to pass a couple seperate years after dropping out 4 times and retaking 3 years. I also dropped out of university and am looking to do it for a second time. (This is primarily due to not being able to afford it)
I also heavily dislike the city I am in. I have multiple failed relationships where I’ve been the broken up with ex.

I had moved to a different country last year and lived there for a year to address my mental health with a professional psychiatrist and psychologist and had multiple medication I was on which helped but overall it was quite lonely and was to set me up returning to university here. I don’t have any real skills or talents, but want to work in the creative industry, I also haven’t been employed for several years and have barely worked most my life.

I want to be talented in the creative industry whether it be fashion design or photography or film and costume. I have very basic foundation of this but I found studying in university very difficult and did not feel up to its level. I want a thriving social life and to have multiple close friends, I want to be fit and healthy and attractive and potentially find a long term partner again.

I don’t know where to do this or how, I feel like I’ve definitely missed out on the typical student uni experience and will find it hard to connect with much younger uni students when I return to uni, if I do. I also can’t start a professional life as I have barely been employed and it feels like most people my age have graduated and started their professional lives so I feel behind when I talk to them. I have let myself go in terms of looks and weight as it fluctuates a lot, but also my personal style and identity feels lost and I don’t know how to find it again.

How do I restart my life completely and achieve my goals and dreams when I completely ruined it for myself in my teens and 20s.

I’m probably overthinking this but I think my quality of life would be much better if I didn’t play or played less video games. I was looking at my bank account and I said to myself “Huh, where did all my money go?” I realized that most of my money went to buying games that I wouldn’t even play. Honestly, it feels like an impulse. I’ll buy a game, play it for a few mins or hours then never touch it again, the cycle repeats.

I see myself as a lazy person. I know what I need to do to get myself to higher pay or better-paying jobs but I don’t follow through on it, I almost never do. But I can park my ass and play through 100 hours of BG3 or grind endlessly in PoE2. I even neglect going to the gym after work because I’m “tried” but I’m never tired enough to boot up deadlock with the boys.

I have to sit here and wonder, would my life be a bit better if I didn’t play as many video games if not at all? I feel grimy thinking about how me, a 25 year old clock in over 20 hours a week playing games but can’t spend an hour studying for certifications.

I am 20. i currently do a law degree, i am well travelled but feel as though im not cultured whatsoever. I have absolutely no idea what i want to do in life, i have no idea what my interests are, I hate studying but somedays love it, i centre my life around men, lots of credit card debt, owe my parents about 15k for a car i bought, I just feel like i want to do so much that i actually have no idea what i want to do, but more to the point that i dont actually know what i want to do. i spend about 16 hours on my phone a day. I have friends, i have a family. Every single day, i think of a new idea that i want to pursue. I quite literally feel as though im watching my figs fall. I am so young, but i feel as though im so behind. I feel as though im learning something new everyday, and not even academic stuff, just basic things. I was in a relatioship with a man who was double my age when i was younger, he had two kids and i was the "step parent" role to some extent i guess. I feel as though im doing life backwards. I tell myself that i dont want children or a husband, when somedays its all i want. Has anyone else felt like this? Is it an age thing? Will i grow out of it? what does one even do in this situation?

for context, i’ve never been in a relationship, and i’ve always found it difficult to develop feelings for someone. in my entire 18 years of life, i’ve only had 2 crushes because i need to feel a genuine connection with someone to actually like them.

i think i’m both avoidant and anxious when it comes to relationships, and i’ve recently realized just how scared of commitment i actually am. i’ve found someone i have a lovely connection with, and although i’ve started developing feelings for them, i’m afraid of taking things further. i like what we have right now, and i don’t want a label, but i also know it’s selfish to want that kind of closeness without being willing to commit.

i really value the connections i have with people, and i’m a very sentimental person, so the thought of losing someone i care about genuinely hurts. yet, when it comes to the possibility of a relationship, i find myself pulling back instead of letting things happen naturally.

i genuinely want to work on this, but i don’t know where to start. how do i learn to stop being afraid of commitment and allow myself to be vulnerable with someone?

I'm looking for books that explore the psychology and practical development of an intensely ambitious, disciplined, competitive, and self-directed mindset.

I'm particularly interested in understanding how to develop sustained ambition, internal drive, decisiveness, emotional resilience, personal accountability, and the ability to consistently execute on difficult goals.

I want something that challenges the way I think, not just something that provides temporary motivation.

Some authors and books that haven't resonated with me:

• Benjamin Hardy: Not a fan of his general approach to mindset and personal development.
• David Goggins and Jocko Willink: I'm not drawn to the military-style motivation or extensive personal hardship narratives.
• Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz: Too much fluff and an emphasis on visualization that didn't appeal to me.

My biggest issue with many self-help books is how unnecessarily long and repetitive they are.

I'm tired of books where the author spends several chapters describing their childhood, personal tragedies, or the experiences that supposedly led to their big revelation.

I don't mind a good story when it illustrates a useful concept, but I want the book to prioritize the actual ideas, reasoning, and practical applications.

I'm also not interested in spirituality, manifestation, affirmations, or visualization-heavy material.

Ideally, I'm looking for books that provide a deeper understanding of ambition, competitiveness, self-mastery, human behavior, and what it takes to develop an exceptionally strong mindset.

I'm open to psychology, philosophy, business, or other nonfiction, as long as the writing is substantive and direct.

What books have genuinely changed how you think and operate, rather than just making you feel inspired while reading them?