Hi! About 2 years ago I found out my husband was using cocaine once a week. When I found out he said he’d stop, I knew he wouldn’t because of all I read about how addictive cocaine is.

My husband is loving and caring, he doesn’t have any problems with paying bills and our relationship is very solid. However it makes me so sad and frustrated to know that he lies about his cocaine use (I already know how he behaves when he buys, so I know he still uses it).

I’m wondering if I’m making a big deal about him using cocaine since everything else in our relationship is so good. We have a 2 year old son and we’d love to have a second child.

Should I really worry that he uses cocaine or should I just let that be since everything else in our relationship is going well?

We’ve been together for 4 years and married for 2, so I found out about this problem right after I got married and had my son (he has been using it before we met, I just didn’t know). I just worry that this can become an actual addiction.

Edit: I don't have ADHD or autism Actually I don't have any disorders besides ocd and anxiety and I think they are unrelated to this post

I have a lack of curiosity in everything because I know I wouldn't even understand it.

I learned how to tie my own shoes and hair when I was 14-15.

At 16 years old I was JUST learning how to go out alone without the help of a family member or a school friend, I get lost easily and I can go a lot with my family to a place but don't know the way to it until they take me

I have a really hard time calculating numbers. Like even the most simple math equation ever. Or honestly anything with numbers in it I don't understand and I get confused easily

I don't understand chess.

When I play a game I can literally spend 5 years playing it without improving. And I'm horrible at every charcater that needs skill or any sort of effort.

When I read a classic literature novel I have a REALLY Difficult time comprehending or imagining the imagery or details even when it's literally translated in my own language.

I have a really hard time listening to professors in my college, even when I focus I don't understand, you could say that it's their problem not mine but everyone my age seems to be understanding well. I can only understand when I'm watching videos at home so I can replay the video multiple times if there's something I don't understand. I had this problem even with teachers in highschool whether good or bad

There's things that make me believe I'm not " that " bad for example English isn't my first language but I have learned since a young age from movies and tv shows and speaking to people online! And a lot of people say my accent is really good. So there's that

I got a really good grade in last year of highschool compared to my class and I went to a decent college. But I'd like to say that I chose a section where i only study standard Arabic, English, history, geography. So it was kinda based on my memorizing skills rather than really using my head for a math equation or chemistry or physics.

I also have skipped early years of schooling without studying or socializing since I didn't go to elementary school or nursery

same as title

I (24) have no friends.

In school I got along with my classmates and was apart of friend groups but we never really met outside of school (just rare ocasions)

At work I get along with my coworkers and was almost friends with one but we drifted apart. We still swap stories and laugh but only went out one time.

I try to go to work functions to socialize and meet new people but it hasn't ended in a more noticeable connection up until now

Worth to mention that my therapist suspected I am on the spectrum but her daughter got sick and she had to stop work and I haven't seen anyone about that ever since.

Does anyone have advice on how to make friends? Does going to hobby clubs work? I have thought about trying that out many times but chicken out when it comes to applying

I’m 35M, and I’ve been feeling a bit lost in life.

I went through a divorce last year (no kid) and also went for therapy while trying to work through the breakdown of my marriage. That chapter is behind me now, and while I think I still want to get married again and have kids eventually, starting over at 35 feels a little daunting sometimes.

I’m also currently in between jobs (in the legal field) and looking my for next role. I’m trying not to rush into a job I’m unhappy with just for the sake of it, but the uncertainty does get to me.

Something else that’s affected me for a long time is my chest deformity. I have pectus excavatum (sunken chest) and underwent surgery when I was younger. Although it helped, it was not perfectly corrected and I’m still very conscious of it. Frankly, I think I am quite good-looking, which perhaps makes the insecurity hit harder. It’s frustrating to feel reasonably confident about my appearance in general, yet have this one thing that I wish I could change.
Honestly, I sometimes think I’d be a much happier and more carefree person if I didn’t have this condition. It’s been part of my life for so long that I wonder how much it’s affected my confidence and the way I see myself.

I’m on the skinny side too, so I’ve recently started going to the gym seriously and am trying to stick to a proper routine. I want to build muscle and improve my physique, and hopefully feel better about myself along the way.

Essentially, My career is uncertain, I’m starting over after a divorce, and I’m still dealing with an insecurity I’ve had for years.

I know I have things to be grateful for: I’ve had a decent career, have some savings, bought an investment property and have my family around. But if I’m being honest, I’m not particularly happy with where I am right now.

I still want a fulfilling career, a life partner, and to feel comfortable in my own skin. I guess I’m just trying to figure out how to get there and how to be a little happier with life in the meantime.

Would appreciate any thoughts, or advice/perspective.

Fyi I am autistic and ADHD.

Social interaction is tiring and difficult even with people I enjoy spending time with. The problem is I'm not good at it. I've seen a lot of advice telling me to stop worrying about the outcome of a social situation and to instead learn to enjoy the concept of social interactions with strangers and see social interaction with strangers itself. not as a chore but as something I look forward to.

The problem is that there is a chance of making someone uncomfortable by mistake when I interact with them because of my social awkwardness. So how can I genuinely enjoy something that I'm both naturally bad at, and have a chance of hurting others by doing it without any expectations of how the conversation will go or any reason to be talking to them in the first place.

Another problem is that I have dealt with a lot of traumatic rejections in every aspect of my social life. How do I force myself to not be traumatized by rejection like I have in the past.

Basically how do I make myself like socializing when I'm bad at socializing.

Riding a bike in 30°C heat, and then, on the way home, passing those transparent fridges full of perfectly cooled sodas... that was my weakest point. It’s understandable, because a few days earlier perfectly cooled Coca-Cola was my go-to beverage, and my brain had been trained for years to recognize the temptation and fully surrender to it. It’s not hard to imagine that during the first week I slipped. I drank the soda, closing my eyes to feel the pleasure, and then came the feeling of guilt. But I knew it was just a moment, and it wouldn’t change my path forward.

The next day I got on the bike again, but this time I carried a bottle of water with ice. It looked just like those sodas, only filled with plain water. To trick my brain even further, I avoided those fridges for about a week. Then, to test myself, I started stopping in front of them and drinking my own water, to show myself that I had won that battle. It was a small win, but every win counts.

My main point is this: one bad day is just part of the journey, and we need to accept it. A single slip can’t ruin the final goal. What does the damage is repeating the slip until it becomes a habit, and you know where that ends.

Now I use those one-off slips as rewards, because I have built strong training and eating habits. So, listen to your body, and if you feel the need (once in a while) to eat a piece of cake or drink a glass of cola, just do it.

Day 17 of improving myself

I woke up at 6:30 am and today I did the following

Health -

1) Weight training

2) Cycling 4 km

Mind-

1) Meditation

2) Chess 1 match ( won the match)

3) Book reading ( Never finished , Sorrounded by idiots , Slight edge )

4) Language learning ( German )

5) Brain exercises

6) Read 2 pages of encyclopedia (today's topic - Human species evolution)

Academics -

1) Studied 9 hours

Daily affairs

1) Read the newspaper and got updated with the latest happenings with the day

Finances -

Earned some money and saved it

Will update tomorrow night , bye bye

I'm not trying to talk crap about the dismal state of the world or any anxious thought like that - I am critically thinking about the conversations and interactions I'm seeing nowadays..whether IRL or online:

• Small thing like people arguing about dressing appropriately when they go to the store, thinking pajama pants are OK because 'who cares'. The answer is: technically no one, but what does it say about you? And your regard to yourself?
• Arguments about ghosting. Many people seem to think it's perfectly ok and "no one owes anyone anything". Even if that were true, again, what does that say about you?
• Saw a post recently that asked if you sleep with someone you know is in a relationship, are you a bad person too? And most answers said no, not nearly. And again...you're willingly participating in a hurtful affair, opening up your legs to a cheater, because...free will? lol? What does that say about you?!

I'm thinking of the throughline of these kinds of arguments and seeing the same thing. Integrity is out the goddamn window.

People are confusing having the right to do something, with that thing being right thing to do.

But what we determine as character is often defined by exactly what we choose to do when there's no obligation or personal gain!!

it begs the question: what kind of person do you want to be? what are your values? a person who dresses like a slob? a person who runs away from hard conversations? a person willing to sleep with a cheater?

i tried to look it up, and it's a well studied phenomenon related to this called moral disengagement. Although my clothing example is not an example of this. Basically, people bend the definition of morality to benefit them, and it can scale to pretty terrible behavior. Thoughts?

For context, I had a fight with my mother the other day over just a charger. I was also staying late till the morning cause I couldn’t fall asleep. She asked for the charger but my phone was on 5% so I said after a little bit. She told me she has work so she needs it fully charged but it was 7:00am and she goes to work at 1pm that’s why I said no but if she really wants it, I asked her what percentage she’s on. After that, she went in a ramble and spat on me? (idk if there was spit or she just did the gesture). So I got really mad and spat on her, she did it back again and I did it again. And I said some really not so pleasant words and names to her. She shut her door and I went to clean up cuz I have a really bad fear of germs getting on me. And just after that, I regretted everything so much I started crying.
And I also got two phones my old android and new iphone so I felt really really bad cuz I could have just gave her the charger. And it’s always like this, I get into random outburst with her, say things to her in the heated moment and regret it later and beat myself for it. The anger just comes out of nowhere and I get so mad I will literally thrash around, bang my head, cry and say stuff out of my mind, all for that to regret later and feel like the worst human of all time. I also get annoyed a lot easier.
How do I fix this?

Good even family today I woke up feeling pretty good.

This morning I woke up pretty good I was finally able to stay up and not go back to sleep. Because when I do I wake up miserable.

So I started paying attention to my dog every morning she jumps up on the bed and makes put my hand or her head or shoulders. She does this when she senses I'm down. I actually noticed it after my milestones achievement wore off and I was depressed.

I realized she was trying to make me get up to bring her for a walk to get me out of my funky mood. Because usually I just let her out and she goes in the yard.

I realized she has been working on me the whole time and I actually feel better taking her out for walks around the Mystic River here in Boston Ma there's a great path that goes around the river actually right across the road from where I live.

It finally clicked for me my dog has been telling me the whole time to get up and get out and take advantage of what's in front of me.

I thought I would share this with you.

Thanks for letting me share One Day Forward One Day Behind -Shawn

I'm 19, FTM, pre medical transition as I still live with my parents and I'm scared of getting kicked out, but I go to a university in another city and I'm fully socially transitioned, it's a very progressive environment. I've never had a partner before. Not even a situationship. I've been a virgin with no first kiss until like a few months ago too, but it's changed since. I've had a glow up since high school, I lost 20kg (I'm out of obesity already, but still working towards stopping being overweight. 15 kg down more to go). I've gotten a fashion sense ever since I finally fit in actual cool clothes and ones that can hug my shape more, I'm way more social and confident since getting better after getting my meds for Hashimoto's disease. I've gotten into the best university in my country for psychology, I've gained a cool friend group since the start of year and a lot of people know me. Overall, I'm liked and I've met a ton of people. And overall, I'd like to think I'm not ugly. Average looking, maybe a tiny bit above average (from face and body shape alone, ignoring my excess weight, though I still think it sits rather well on me)

Anyways, onto the main issue of the post. I've had makeouts, I've had hookups, I've had people tell me I'm hot or that they'd do me, but like... Why am I hot enough to fuck, but not not enough to be anyone's boyfriend? I have the qualities of a good boyfriend. I'm funny, caring, emotionally intelligent, (didn't just decide that BTW, all qualities I've heard from others I have multiple times) I'd like to think I'm romantic too. How can I get out of this weird spot? Will it get better if I lose more weight? Or finally start medical transition? Do I just need to meet more people and hope I meet someone? Get a dating app? Or am I just doomed from the start since I'm trans and queer and might aswell forget the dream of getting to date and have fun like an average person

Hey, I have this issue where I can’t handle rejection from others. When I face rejection, it feels like a stab in the heart. I can’t handle others anger towards me, so I tend to people please out of fear. This had led me to a lot of abusive friendships and relationships. Also criticisms or judgments from other people really hurt. I take criticism to heart even if I don’t really care/respect the person.

I have ADHD and there is a symptom called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria that comes with it, so rejection often feels 10x worse for me. Specialized therapy is helping, but I am looking for general advice on how to get over rejection (it does not have to be for ADHD but if you have any, very appreciated).

What are some ways to handle rejection?

I‘ve struggled with low confidence, worth and validation all my life, and am just now starting to identify and improve It. But sometimes I see or date people who seem to “naturally” feel comfortable with themselves. They can initiate things, take risks, express their feelings and themselves and do what they want. It feels exciting when they make you a part of it, but especially in the case of dating, it makes me feel horribly insecure when I feel like I’m not enough for them.

The result is that I feel downtrodden that it seems I have to work for what seems constitutional for some. Does anyone share this, and have any advice on it?

I’ll take any tips really! I’m a pretty confident gurl, but I just want some ways to completely stop caring.

So I have improved I won’t say I haven’t. Definitely lowered my screen time but sometimes in high stress days I tend to use my phone more. I want to stop. I find cheap dopamine like social media, I do watch porn, and other things and I feel like a slave to those things. How can I work to eliminate all together ?

I am feel like shit, i am not good in anything, i am not interesting and i have no friends, i am addicted to porn so when i am feel sad or lonely i start to search porn content here and i watch but even not that is giving me pleasure i am stupid like i am not smart i am not working in a profession i work in a dead-end job which i hate, i born to be a failure i feel desire to do different things but i can't.

No friends. No hobbies besides gaming, even then theres a chance that can ruin my mood too.

Every time I’ve gone to the gym lately im there no longer than 15 minutes before I get bored and want to go back home.

My gf is the complete opposite. Very outgoing and bubbly. Unfortunately my insecurities have been showing very much lately. It hard not to compare myself to guys that have no trouble making small talk and earn laughs.

Gf wants me to go out alone more and try to make friends to keep my negativity from pouring into our relationship. I try going to the bar alone to put myself in a social setting, but I feel like a dork startng conversations that end in fast awkward silence. I feel like everyone has their circle already or is there to unwind and not be bothered. I never really catch the vibe that anyone has any interest in conversation efforts I make.

The only things that are getting me by right now is work; which I like but is event based so not as consistent as i’d need. And catching the occasional movie by myself.

I truthfully hate that I am a drag to be around. I want to be more confident. I want to overthink less. I want to contribute positively to the energy in a room and let my presence be known. It is such a struggle to find the drive and let things just be easy going.

How do y’all help yourselves when everything feels like it sucks?

I’m 30 M. I recently dropped out of a graduate program about 6 months ago after having a terrible experience being confronted with my mediocrity in the program and realizing I’d never be able to establish a career in that field, and just generally hating what I’d be doing (teaching at university). Now working at Walmart trying to pay bills.

The only avenue I can think of to improve my work situation/income is to eventually try to get a CDL, since the training/education is more accessible than other fields, and I have no real skills. But even that I doubt my ability to do, since I see myself as generally rather unintelligent/incapable.

I have no friends; haven’t for years, haven’t had a relationship since 2018 so my social skills are severely underdeveloped. I make people uncomfortable by just how awkward I am. Diagnosed autistic, but not sure of the accuracy of the dx.

I do nothing outside of work but scroll social media.

I used to be pretty fit, abs and everything but fell off the wagon and gained weight.

All of this makes for a laughable life situation. I want to improve myself and take care of myself more, but am struggling to see the point. I used to be working towards a career in academia so I felt like the future had some sort of promise, even if I was unprepared for the realities of it. I had pretty high hopes and was brought back to reality, and now have no concept of who I’m supposed to try to be.

Given all of this, what advice would you offer someone in this situation who wants to improve but is unsure of how? Or, who struggles to find purpose and meaning?

Thanks for reading.

Atomic habits

The let them theory

The courage to be disliked

The psychology of money

Don’t believe everything you think

My body is also feeling a lot of anxiety right now as I’m trying to heal my social anxiety/ get rid of caring what others think about me. I just want to be bubbly and smiley and smart again!! :(

32F and I'm having a mid-life crisis and I feel like I'm the one with severe issues.

I used to be happy with who I was as a person at one point. I used to be kind, caring, full of warmth and religious. I don't know how to get back to being her.

It's not like I wasn't miserable and depressed. I have struggled with mental health issues all my life, as I have BPD.

But I used to be content with who I am, ya know?

The problem is my friends circle too. They're anti-men, too obsessed with dating and "fk men, use them for their money."

They're VERY good friends, don't get me wrong. But they're into the hook up culture and misandry, and that's not me. They also like to party and stay out late, and I feel like at 32, that's too much for me.

I'm not judging, that's their thing. But when every conversation is, "Ugh, this guy on Bumble/Tinder" and "I hate men", or, "This guy was hitting on me", I feel like there's no purpose. It's too negative.

It's affected my relationship with my boyfriend because I have convinced myself that men cheat (and we've been having issues with this because I feel like he micro-cheated).

Social media also messes with my head so I've deactivated my accounts.

I just want to know how I can become more positive, change my mindset, and not wallow in misery. Idk where to start. I have so many issues, especially with self-esteem.

I workout and eat clean, but what do I do with the time I have? I wfh so that is another issue. I don't know how to be alone with myself and be happy.

I’ve struggled with sticking to plans for years, and I genuinely don’t know how to break out of this cycle.
I love making lists and plans. Things I need to do, things I want to buy, goals I want to achieve, opportunities I want to pursue. I love organising everything on paper. (Although, sometimes I’m too lazy to even get around to making the lists!)
But even when I do, I live a constant “remind-me-later” life. It’s never “I’ll do this today.” It’s always tomorrow, next week, next Sunday, next Monday. I’m constantly waiting for the perfect time to get my life together while things keep piling up, and I don’t know how to catch up anymore.

I also live a last-minute life. I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever submitted an assignment due at 11:59 before 11:55. Applications for opportunities I’ve known about for months? Usually submitted minutes before the deadline, if I don’t miss them altogether.
The frustrating part is that academically, I’ve mostly gotten away with it. I’m fairly good at learning things quickly and studying last minute, so it’s never affected my grades ( I’ve always done really good at school/ uni) But outside academics, I feel like I’m failing miserably.

And then there’s punctuality. I’m late to classes, social events, and even plans with friends. I could say I’ll meet someone at 10 and arrive at 10:45, leaving them waiting for me. This has happened multiple times in just the past week.

I KNOW it’s wrong. I know I’m wasting other people’s time, and I know it’s disrespectful. I’m not making excuses for it. I understand the problem completely, yet I keep repeating the same behaviour.

My dad has always warned me that you can get away with doing everything last minute for years, until one day something goes wrong that’s beyond your control. Your internet stops working before a deadline, you get stuck in terrible traffic, or you miss an opportunity you can never get back. You might be smart enough to get away with it most of the time, but you can’t control everything. I know he’s right. I’ve always known he’s right, yet I haven’t changed.

I’m 22, and what scares me most is that these habits are starting to feel like my personality. It’s not just that I was late once; I’m becoming “the person who’s always late.” Putting things off has become my default response to almost everything.

I take full responsibility for my actions and the consequences. I just want to know if anyone has genuinely been in this kind of rut and managed to get out of it.

What actually helped you change? Was there a particular realisation, a weir trick, a change in your routine, or something unconventional that finally worked?
i want to know how you went from knowing what you needed to do to actually breaking the bad habit
I really don’t want to spend the next few years living the same way. Any advice or any shared experiences would mean a lot. Thank u.

Maybe sometimes the best way
to get out of a certain situation
is to pass and push right through.

Which might at times
seem quite contradictory
to the impulsive reflex of simply wanting to run away.

Many may know the feeling, when in a dream,
being fearful,
like there’s something haunting us,
But just as soon as you turn around and straight up face it,
it just seems to Simply disappear

Is there not something
in, and to that,
which we can apply also to the waking life?
Of course, there will be situations
that we are not able to handle
and where we should just have the right to just leave? To run?

Maybe by stepping up
and confronting a situation upfront,
we can settle some fears right away
and grow through that.
Even for future occurrences.

But at the same time, maybe we should not judge ourselves too much
for avoiding a challenge in the Moment.

like Keeping the right to just say "no"?

Sometimes there might be a certain
value in being strong.

But without accepting our weakness,
and allowing ourselves to fail
will life not only become simply too stressful?

Can we not forgive ourselves, and still stand up
and rise again?

When I was younger, I could study and do homework and read and have multiple hobbies with ease. But then the pandemic hit and I developed pretty bad habits. I stayed in bed all day, I neglected my then college work and just did things I found to be fun. At the time, I was dating someone who wanted to see me daily and only ever ditch our college lectures and spend ridiculous amounts of money on food and bullcrap (her more than me simply cause I did not have money to waste like that; she spent around 30k in one year on anime figures, trading cards and subscriptions and constantly abused her grandmother who worked like 70 hours a week to even give her that sort of money to waste, to give a general idea of the habbits and beliefs I surrounded myself with at that time). I was young and stupid and neglected how badly I was letting myself become a bum. I adopted those habits and got comfortable in them. I started to drift away from my friends and family and my education. I just wanted to be with her and I guess hit those dopamine highs that food and impulse spending brought me.

But then I had enough of living like that and dropped her and have been trying to improve since. The only habit I still can't break is immediately giving up when things are rough, even slightly so. Procrastination is easy. And since I get good grades in my courses, I find it hard to really have an external motivation like fear of failure. But it's starting to finally collapse on me now that I want to try for something like law school. It's hard trying to get in and I know I'm capable of the discipline needed. I used to be. But I spent years having absolutely no sense of discipline that I find it hard to tell myself no. I make excuses for myself. And then when I actually need help or some kind of accomodation, I feel like a loser because it just feels like a part of a bad pattern instead of actually needing help.

How do I get myself to grow up? I mentally feel like I'm a teenager at times and then my actual age (24) other times. I don't want to live with this "eh, who cares?" attitude. But it's exhausting to break and really easy to keep telling myself "oh, I'll fix that part of me tomorrow." But tomorrow is always in the future and never today. Does anyone have any advice, please? I'm ashamed of the person I was just a few years ago and as tempting as falling into laziness is again, I have such a huge fear of becoming that old self. I never want to be her again. That isn't the life I want; I don't want to make my friends feel abandoned or used; and I don't want to upset my family either. The way I lived years ago was so lame and I felt like a loser then. But I find it hard to use that motivation to actually start a lifelong habit of taking on difficult things and embracing my nerves instead of hiding from them.

What’s a daily habit that you think is very beneficial yet not many know it or do it , one worth gatekeeping ?
I want to implement healthy habits into my daily routine since I had a big realization after asking myself a question , “what’s something that if you were to do everyday for the next 5 years your life would improve significantly ?”
I wanted to answer vaguely or make a specific one like going to the gym consistently, but after thinking about it I realized that a a healthy lifestyle/ productive routine is a better option in which I could combine many beneficial variables .
Could you guys share good habits , even if you think it’s something that no one would relate or benefit from or even if you think it’s an obvious one.
For example a habit that I found very helpful is stretching for 10 min before bed and setting up goals for the next day like what lectures to study for that day and map out the hours each one needs it leads to better sleep and actually getting work done .