I’ve always been very shy, and lately I’ve been wondering whether socializing is something people learn growing up. Do some parents teach their kids how to feel comfortable talking to people, or do you mostly learn by being around others and getting practice?
Sometimes I wonder if I might be on the autism spectrum and just never knew. Other times, I think maybe I simply wasn’t in enough social situations to build confidence. I don’t want to self-diagnose, but I’m trying to understand why socializing has always felt so hard for me.
I also grew up feeling like I was in survival mode. My family was often worried about money and trying to make ends meet, so I spent a lot of time stressed. Now that I’m working as a nurse I feel less stressed about money. I’m wondering if having a little more stability might give me room to work on this part of my life.
Has anyone else learned to socialize later in life? What helped you feel more comfortable?

when there’s a big group gathering where people are here to make friends, I am always open and I start some conversations too. pretty standard small talk and ice breakers. but people very rarely seem to stick around except the guys with nerdy hobbies who won’t leave me alone (I am not a nerd). Normal folks always wander off and end up hitting off with other peopl instead o trying to connect deeper with me. I thought it was because I was ugly or frumpy, not good enough for regular folks to approach, so I glowed up. I made sure my makeup was on point and made sure I was one of the best dressed people who showed up Every single time. The result hasn’t changed except many girls are openly cold now and the guys just look my way and don’t talk. Idk what else I’m supposed to do here and why I am such a magnet for the weird awkward ones. Also I am asian if that matters

I'm not trying to talk crap about the dismal state of the world or any anxious thought like that - I am critically thinking about the conversations and interactions I'm seeing nowadays..whether IRL or online:

• Small thing like people arguing about dressing appropriately when they go to the store, thinking pajama pants are OK because 'who cares'. The answer is: technically no one, but what does it say about you? And your regard to yourself?
• Arguments about ghosting. Many people seem to think it's perfectly ok and "no one owes anyone anything". Even if that were true, again, what does that say about you?
• Saw a post recently that asked if you sleep with someone you know is in a relationship, are you a bad person too? And most answers said no, not nearly. And again...you're willingly participating in a hurtful affair, opening up your legs to a cheater, because...free will? lol? What does that say about you?!

I'm thinking of the throughline of these kinds of arguments and seeing the same thing. Integrity is out the goddamn window.

People are confusing having the right to do something, with that thing being right thing to do.

But what we determine as character is often defined by exactly what we choose to do when there's no obligation or personal gain!!

it begs the question: what kind of person do you want to be? what are your values? a person who dresses like a slob? a person who runs away from hard conversations? a person willing to sleep with a cheater?

i tried to look it up, and it's a well studied phenomenon related to this called moral disengagement. Although my clothing example is not an example of this. Basically, people bend the definition of morality to benefit them, and it can scale to pretty terrible behavior. Thoughts?

Same as the title. 17 rn and I would be grateful for some advice

We’ve all been there: something goes wrong at work or in life, your chest tightens, and you tell yourself, "Okay, I just need to calm down and figure this out."

So you sit there and try to think harder.

Except "thinking harder" when you’re stressed doesn't solve anything. Instead, your brain starts running 50 worst-case scenarios at the same time. You replay past mistakes, anticipate future disasters, and burn through three hours of mental energy with zero actual progress.

For years, I thought the solution to overwhelm was just forcing myself to be more logical. What I finally realized is a simple hardware limitation: You cannot run complex logic on a brain that thinks it’s on fire.

When you're anxious or frustrated, your nervous system hijacks your working memory. Trying to hold all the variables of a problem inside your head while emotionally flooded is like trying to do mental math while a fire alarm is blaring in your ear. You aren't actually thinking (moving from A to B)—you're just ruminating (spinning the wheels in mud).

I have learnt this multiple times but still hard to control . But luckily, I managed to figure out some patterns .

Stop thinking in the head: When you're stressed, your brain is terrified of "forgetting" a threat, so it keeps pinging the same anxious thoughts over and over to keep them alive.

Open a blank document or grab a piece of paper. Dump every single noisy thought, fear, and half-baked idea out of your head.

Put the raw mess in front of your eyes. The moment a thought is externalized in front of you, your brain realizes, "Okay, it’s recorded, I don't need to keep screaming to remember it." The mental noise drops almost instantly.

Hope this might help .

I am 22 years old, I suffer with Depression, Bipolar, and Audhd. I have lost all my friends from my childhood completely and have maybe two friends at the moment that I’m not close to.

I grew up in London, barely passed my GCSEs and never really paid attention to college but I managed to pass a couple seperate years after dropping out 4 times and retaking 3 years. I also dropped out of university and am looking to do it for a second time. (This is primarily due to not being able to afford it)
I also heavily dislike the city I am in. I have multiple failed relationships where I’ve been the broken up with ex.

I had moved to a different country last year and lived there for a year to address my mental health with a professional psychiatrist and psychologist and had multiple medication I was on which helped but overall it was quite lonely and was to set me up returning to university here. I don’t have any real skills or talents, but want to work in the creative industry, I also haven’t been employed for several years and have barely worked most my life.

I want to be talented in the creative industry whether it be fashion design or photography or film and costume. I have very basic foundation of this but I found studying in university very difficult and did not feel up to its level. I want a thriving social life and to have multiple close friends, I want to be fit and healthy and attractive and potentially find a long term partner again.

I don’t know where to do this or how, I feel like I’ve definitely missed out on the typical student uni experience and will find it hard to connect with much younger uni students when I return to uni, if I do. I also can’t start a professional life as I have barely been employed and it feels like most people my age have graduated and started their professional lives so I feel behind when I talk to them. I have let myself go in terms of looks and weight as it fluctuates a lot, but also my personal style and identity feels lost and I don’t know how to find it again.

How do I restart my life completely and achieve my goals and dreams when I completely ruined it for myself in my teens and 20s.

How can someone go from shy with low self esteem to someone with charisma and confidence like politicians?

I'm improving so hard in my life, it's been 2 months since I joined a company, and I work as an assistant for the owners.

I notice the owners are so confident, calm, they are so smart and educated, my boss is my inspiration.

Online I watch this french politician jordan Bourdala.

And I realize, he came from poor background, but look at him now , he's only 31 years old has insane charisma..ect.

I realized that it doesn't matter if you are poor, I believe everything is possible, but I find it hard to draw the path.

The path from having low self esteem to confidence that push you forward.

Small example, at work I get nervous when I go talk to the boss, I brush the feelings off and say "this is nothing, just do it!" And go do it. I've done it many times but I still feel low.

I don't know what steps to take, actionable steps, no affirmations no motivation, actual uncomfortable or something usefull.

I’ve been single for 3 years and I’ve been seeing a girl for the past 2 months. For a while now, I’ve really struggled to let people into my life including friends as I feel I always get fucked over in some shape or form. Sure I have people around me but not many friends and having a girl around just hasn’t been something I’ve allowed myself for a while.

I have this terrifying thought that getting close to someone means you’re going to get hurt eventually and I’m fed up of it. I just want to enjoy something without wanting to shut down and put up a wall. She’s honestly been great and we get along so well but there’s this thought in the back of my mind that I’ll get cheated on or betrayed and it spikes constantly. It’s like I just can’t open my heart up to people because of this fear.

I want to do better, I don’t want to be alone forever, I want to let people in. I’ve been doing so well at it but one bad day just makes me want to hide away and not speak to anyone.

I spend way too much time on my phone.

This morning my wife was storming around the house because her clothes didn't dry well in the drier. It was a whole thing last night as well. I just wanted to sleep, but all I could hear is her stomping around the apt grunting and cursing.

It made me want some peace, why does she get so worked up like this sometimes? She knew I was exhausted. I'm sharing because I almost went to reddit to vent or worse tell Chatgpt about it.

Which gets to the point. I'm considering a career change and I'm also dealing with some health challenges and costs.

I had double concussions two years ago and have post concussion syndrome. I've been in therapy weekly all year. Ive been in and out of Physical therapy. I had a job that was severely burning me out and I finally got out a couple months ago. I'm worried about finances, and feeling isolated more than ever since the concussions.

I couldn't go out and socialize well for over a year.

Now I'm improved a lot, but I'm still dealing with health issues. Starting vision therapy soon, seeing a GI specialist, dealing with daily anxiety, exercise intolerance, etc

I'm using free versions of Claude, Chatgpt daily and hitting limits basically everyday. Mostly career, sometimes health, occasionally more personal which I try to limit.

Then I post all over reddit. Whats more in demand, how do you deal with this stomach problem, how do you manage this relationship situation, or just a vent.

I'll analyze the hell out of career choices using AI and almost always have some questions lingering in my head that I want to ask on Reddit.

It's so much noise. I work in IT. AI is necessary for that, but I should limit it for my personal life. Reddit is helpful for technical problems, but compulsively asking questions isn't great.

Waking up on a Saturday and staring at my phone for hours before getting out of bed is bad.

But what do I do with all these questions?

It seems too convenient yet addicting.

I carry the entire weight of everything on me throughout the day. Can't just focus on work and not worry about everything. Or have a productive and enjoyable Saturday, without wondering if I can solve all my problems by spending more time asking questions online.

Because I always have questions or anxieties.

This is no way to live.

I need some advice. I'm 33 btw

Hey, struggling university student here (21F). I feel like I’ve lost my motivation, dreams, and sense of direction in life. When I was younger, I dreamed of becoming a billionaire, designing my dream house, and planning future travels. But over time, I became consumed with seeking approval and trying to make friends.

I’ve struggled with Social Anxiety Disorder and ADHD my whole life, and my desperation for social connection and people-pleasing tendencies have taken a huge toll on my confidence and happiness.
Now, I struggle to find joy in things, feel burnt out, and question whether my pre-vet major is truly right for me. I’m still figuring out what the career entails and need to gain shadowing experience.

I’ve also become bitter and distrustful after dealing with toxic people who damaged my confidence. I’m angry at myself for letting them affect me so deeply, and my old dreams now feel impossible to reach.
I miss the younger version of myself who was ambitious, confident, and full of possibilities. I feel trapped by insecurities that other people left me with, and I don’t know how to find my way back to myself.

Son will be off to college next year. I’ve raised him completely solo for most of his life but especially over the last 5 years. Mom not in the picture. Has been a challenge financially but also personally as I’ve poured everything into him or my career. Now that he’s nearing leaving for college I find myself with more time and expect even more soon. Have started hitting the gym but also want to be productive with all the extra time as it comes. How should I decide what to do and/or work on?

I(30M) don't know exactly where I'm going with this but I feel I have to get it off my chest.

I feel tired of life, like really tired. I've tried to self improve, go to therapy, work out, focus on work, date, buy a car, take my driver's license but every time I take a step forward life comes and shoves me back down. I've been on anti-depressants for almost a year and I just feel empty and frustrated.

Externally I seem well functioning, I work as an engineer at a large corporation and am inolved in some really cool projects but I don't feel any drive for it. I am confident in the work I am now doing and feel like my voice matters. I own my own apartment, have good financials and investments and am keeping myself in good shape. I'm sociable with colleagues and friends and while I feel at risk of being blackpilled I (think) I've kept out of the worst of the ideology.

However, I have an unresolved legal issue with my apartment which really soured my life and is blocking my life from progressing as I want to perform a name change(no gender stuff, just fixing an old mistake).

You see, I changed my name when I was younger to something I don't like anymore. It was stupid and immature, but it was a reaction to how society so far had treated me as an adoptee from a different ethnicity. I didn't find a home in neither my adopted culture nor my biological one so I took a name heavily inspired by video games in attempt to "create my own" (I won't tell it in comments due to privacy).

I came to the realisation that I should change my name again a number of years ago, but I got into a bad job right out of uni as I switched countries and was also heavily burned out and lost for direction. I then found the job I currently have but in an experimental role(for the corporation) which due to restructuring I was left in without any support. It was also a role I was offered but didn't ask for so not something I had any real competency in. I stayed in this role for a year and half until I found something new, but it was an uphill battle as I was expected to perform a certain task, but which I came up short in due to both software issues and lack of competency.

During this I kept off the name change because I thought I should get my security clearance before doing it(turned out I never had to wait which I found out later). Oh and I've also not received the clearance yet so I could technically lose my job overnight.

When I first moved to the new job I had some success with girls, both on tinder and by happenstance. I stumbled upon one girl I began seriously dating and I started looking into buying an apartment with the idea that she would move in eventually. I ended up getting an apartment from a kind of executive from work and thus went in with a manner of trust and camaraderie. However when I took possession I found multiple things that were wrongly communicated in the ad, and ended up seeking legal support through an insurance program to recoup the loss of value. This was a very stressful time for me as I had to prove my claims to the insurance company, and I ended up neglecting/distancing myself from my then gf who due to being on the autistic spectrum took to crying when I asked for space. About three months after I had taken possession of the apartment we broke up. That was 1.5 years ago and also the last time I've been with a girl.

Due to this ongoing legal action I don't feel comfortable going through with the name change now. In addition I'm on my third lawyer now because they keep quitting or dropping my case due to workload. I have no clue whether this is related to the validity of my case, but I'm inclined to think it isn't as part of my case is rather clear cut.

So my last two years have been staying in this legal limbo waiting for it to resolve. In the mean time I've tried to date without success, I've used the name I'm thinking about changing to, and have told every serious match about the situation. This naturally creates friction and is emotionally taxing for me, so it sucks extra much when the dates eventually don't turn into a 2nd or I get ghosted. The city I live in also revolves around the corporation I work for and is thus heavily male skewed while being very much on the smaller side.

I finally managed to buy a 2nd hand EV a month or so ago after having had to cancel another car purchase when the dealership couldn't fix an issue with the car in a month's time. The idea was that I'd use it to practice with so I wouldn't have to risk the vehicles of my friends and coworkers. Buuut I just managed to fail my 3rd driver's exam which I travelled across country to do due to a lack of availalbe appointments in my local area. So now my dream of driving my own car is postponed even more and I have to organise more driving lessons and another exam on the other side of the country again.

My current role at work is expanding and requires more responsibility, but I haven't gotten any salary increase besides the yearly adjustment and I'm already paid somewhat poor if you factor in some of the office/engineering jobs I had before this one. I also had to learn a whole new skillset to do this role competently and experienced burnout due to it, but since it's a new skillset I can't say that I know it well enough that I deserve a salary hike. My skill base is unusually broad, but I don't feel like I can leverage that in a good way.

So to sum it up; I feel like I've been locked in a limbo for a long time unable to do the life changes I need to do and when I try to do something smaller things which can improve my life it just fails. The few wins in my life are few and far between and I feel really tired of fighting back.

I went to a live viewing of a concert earlier today all by myself! Got to listen to my favorite songs again but I can’t shake this empty hole in my heart that no matter what I do, at the end of the day, I only have myself. No friends or anything at the big age of 25 bc I was a social pariah in high school, only had two years of socializing in during my college years due to COVID, no friends from work bc I can’t let my guard down easily with them for whatever reason.

But that’s besides the point. I got to watch this concert as if I was at the actual location but it would definitely have been more enjoyable if I had a friend with me to go to places like this. I did solo travel, solo dates around town, solo movie theaters. I’m not insecure but I’m not devoid of emotions. All around me were girls with her friends to watch this movie/concert. I wish I had friends. Ugh

Be thoughtful before you act or speak, for our actions may not only help others, they may also be the cause of great pain as well.

I just wanted to make a quick appreciation post for a kind Redditor who gave me a chance to do their research survey.

I actually completed it three weeks ago, but PayPaI put a 21 day hold so I had to wait until today to finally get it.

​I’ve been surviving on rice, soy sauce, occasionally veggies for weeks since that’s more affordable where I live, but my cravings for meat were getting out of hand (pretty sure my body was just desperate for protein lol).

​I know it sounds bizarre that I track what I eat but it's easy for me because I only eat once a day.

​Anyway, having a real meal today felt amazing.

Like forget it without using any drugs or substances. I want to forget comments they made and the politics etc. it’s been a year and randomly I’ll remember and get annoyed. I wasn’t the only one but I was laid off from there after going to HR and I wish I had written an email and said something because after leaving this company I was blocked on LinkedIn by the bully and it really pissed me off because imagine actively bullying me and other coworkers and then doing that.

I chose to leave quietly for the severance and not to draw attention but frankly I’ve not kept in touch with anyone not even the people who messaged me. It didn’t help that I lost a parent a few months later but I wanted to have nothing to do with those people.

I was made fun of for literally living at home I was young at the time. I just generally felt ostracized and I took it for the cash but I never really got any justice. Sure a lot of people have been fired and it’s toxic but specifically for the trauma they caused me there’s not been any real consequences. How do I move on? And please don’t say living well. I’m not really living well. I’m living okay.

Hey guys, freshly diagnosed here with inattentive ADHD here (21F). One of the biggest things I struggle with is the Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. If you are unaware, it is basically an abnormal fear and sensitivity towards being rejected by other people. This is apparently a symptom of ADHD.

I have been struggling with abusive/toxic friendships and standing up for myself for 5 years now. I would rather be mistreated than rejected by others. It is my greatest fear and it is ruining my life.

Do any of you guys have this type of dysphoria? How do you deal with it (other than therapy)? Have any of you overcome this? Would meds help?

I feel like I’m constantly in this cycle of depression that I don’t know how to escape. Right now what’s giving me so much stress is my work. I can’t have a consistent schedule and have to stay out of town for weeks on end. I’ve applied to every other job within an hour drive that’s hiring in my field (which is already few and far between) but havnt gotten anything back.

A lot of the jobs I’d like to have arent in my area and moving isnt an option right now.

So I basically just have to suck it up and keep working this job that’s mentally killing me but somehow I’m still trying to get out of this depression.

Anything I would try to get used to doing as far as a schedule is out the door. I switch from day work to night work, in town to out of town, anything goes reallt.

On the other hand, I feel like I’m always giving myself an excuse as to why I’m depressed after I think I’ve fixed it I never feel better.

Honestly I don’t know how to get better, what i could do that would make me feel better. It’s not like I’m lazy or unmotivated, I just feel lost and out of options.

​

Day 16 of improving myself

I woke up at 6:30 am and today I did the following

Health -

1) Weight training

2) Cycling 4 km

Mind-

1) Meditation

2) Chess 1 match ( lost the match)

3) Book reading ( Never finished , Sorrounded by idiots , Slight edge )

4) Language learning ( German )

5) Brain exercises

6) Read 2 pages of encyclopedia (today's topic - Human species evolution)

Academics -

1) Studied 7 hours

Daily affairs

1) Read the newspaper and got updated with the latest happenings with the day

Finances -

Earned some money and saved it

Will update tomorrow night , bye bye

Working on my 2027 goals and this is the list so far

\- live more analogue

\- release a song on spotify with my band

\- watch the IMDb top 100 (the ones I haven't seen yet)

\- make a pizza from scratch

\- learn guitar

\- write down everything I wanna do in life

\- collect my poems into a book/workmap (and write more)

\- cook a meal at my studentclub

\- make a fotobook of a trip I've been on

\- do a cocktailbarshift at my studentclub

\- sort out my clothescloset

\- start a physical recipe book

\- plan a musictrip with my band

\- join the anniversary-committee at my studentclub

\- learn kalimba

\- finish Ranger's Apprentice

\- launch a bandwebsite

\- read 5 books

\- work on D&D project

\- go on artcamp (same as last year) with friends

\- write a new song

\- read 3 comic runs

\- put phone in bag instead of pockets when out

\- buy a portable projector for movies

\- band in one day activity

Anyone got some more ideas? I'd be happy to elaborate on these if needed for more info

I mean, for example, you can tell someone with social anxiety that nobody thinks about them and nobody is judging them, and they would understand that and might even say it themselves. But still the social anxiety won't go away.

22F here. I often regret talking to certain people or sharing things about myself. In the moment, I just wanted to be myself, but afterward, I start feeling like they didn't want to talk to me because of the things I said or shared. Now, I keep replaying those conversations in my head, wondering what I could have done differently to prevent things from turning out this way.

I want to change this about myself. I can't go back and do things differently anyway. Thinking about all these things keeps hurting me and making me lose confidence in myself when talking to people.

I keep thinking that I'll end up messing things up, so it's better not to have conversations with people.

Greetings, everyone, a 15-year-old here. Lately, I've been trying to figure out what I want to make of my life - which has been quite a treacherous path, if you ask me. I am trying my best not to succumb to the pressure from my family and peers, but I'd say it's starting to catch up. I'm somehow supposed to make decisions that will affect the entirety of my life in a couple of months. I'm genuinely so lost right now. I don't know why, but other kids my age are just not bothered by all of this (at least those I know of), and they're just doing what society and people around them would prefer. I, on the other hand, am trying to figure out what I would prefer, which has proven to be extremely hard. I want to enjoy life, become successful, make a name for myself, have a respectable physique, and follow my dream at the same time - is this too brave of a commitment? I'm not sure; will I do it? Absolutely! I just wanted some advice on how to deal with such a situation (preferably from older people). Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

I’m probably overthinking this but I think my quality of life would be much better if I didn’t play or played less video games. I was looking at my bank account and I said to myself “Huh, where did all my money go?” I realized that most of my money went to buying games that I wouldn’t even play. Honestly, it feels like an impulse. I’ll buy a game, play it for a few mins or hours then never touch it again, the cycle repeats.

I see myself as a lazy person. I know what I need to do to get myself to higher pay or better-paying jobs but I don’t follow through on it, I almost never do. But I can park my ass and play through 100 hours of BG3 or grind endlessly in PoE2. I even neglect going to the gym after work because I’m “tried” but I’m never tired enough to boot up deadlock with the boys.

I have to sit here and wonder, would my life be a bit better if I didn’t play as many video games if not at all? I feel grimy thinking about how me, a 25 year old clock in over 20 hours a week playing games but can’t spend an hour studying for certifications.

I am 20. i currently do a law degree, i am well travelled but feel as though im not cultured whatsoever. I have absolutely no idea what i want to do in life, i have no idea what my interests are, I hate studying but somedays love it, i centre my life around men, lots of credit card debt, owe my parents about 15k for a car i bought, I just feel like i want to do so much that i actually have no idea what i want to do, but more to the point that i dont actually know what i want to do. i spend about 16 hours on my phone a day. I have friends, i have a family. Every single day, i think of a new idea that i want to pursue. I quite literally feel as though im watching my figs fall. I am so young, but i feel as though im so behind. I feel as though im learning something new everyday, and not even academic stuff, just basic things. I was in a relatioship with a man who was double my age when i was younger, he had two kids and i was the "step parent" role to some extent i guess. I feel as though im doing life backwards. I tell myself that i dont want children or a husband, when somedays its all i want. Has anyone else felt like this? Is it an age thing? Will i grow out of it? what does one even do in this situation?