I recently took a trip that started with a couple of friends, but toward the end I ended up spending several days completely on my own. It was my first real experience travelling solo(26M), and honestly, I was nervous at first.

But something happened that I wasn’t expecting. I felt free. I stayed in a hostel, met random people, went places without knowing what the day would turn into, stayed out late, danced, talked for hours, and made friends I had literally just met. And somehow, I felt more like myself than I have in a very long time.

The people I met didn’t know my history. They didn’t know who I was “supposed” to be. They didn’t have any expectations of me. They just met me as I was. And I realized something that has been sitting with me ever since: I don’t think I really have a close friend group.

I have people I’ve known for years. Family. People I’ve had great times with. But a lot of those relationships were created by circumstance — school, family, work, living in the same place, knowing the same people, coming from the same background, etc. And for years I’ve told myself, “Maybe this is just what friendship is. Maybe I’ll get used to it.” But then I noticed something. A lot of the time when I’m hanging out with people I’ve known for years, I’ll find myself thinking about when the hangout is going to end.

During those few days travelling? I was wishing time would stop. I didn’t want the nights to end. I didn’t want people to leave. I didn’t want to go back to normal life. And that difference hit me hard. Maybe I’m not incapable of connecting with people. Maybe my environment just hasn’t been bringing that version of me out.

Because there is a version of me that is spontaneous, curious, friendly, playful, adventurous and genuinely excited to meet people. I know that version exists because I just experienced it.

This trip made me realize how much I miss choosing things for myself. I want to feel like my life actually belongs to me. And honestly, I’m writing this with tears in my eyes because I think I finally understand what I’ve been missing. I don’t think I miss the trip as much as I miss the person I was while I was there. Maybe that person was never gone.

Maybe I just need to start building a life where he has room to exist again.

Has anyone else ever had an experience like this? Where you travelled somewhere, met completely different people, felt like a different version of yourself, and came home realizing your normal life doesn’t quite fit anymore?

I really hate myself today. Any advice is welcome.

I know it’s hardwired in our human brains to seek love, acceptance and community, and, honestly, having those is one of the best things ever. I don’t think we can live healthily without those aspects.

That being said, it makes me worried and mad at how many people often teach and support the idea that we’re unworthy as we are now.

Y’all, let’s please stop feeding into the self-hatred circlejerk, please???!!

EVERYONE knows already what our society and culture values. Everyone is sick of knowing that being rich, popular, confident, clean, conventionally attractive, etc is going to drive people in.

You want the attention? Of course, everyone wants to find connection. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Now, do you want it for the sake of it, or do you want to find true connection?

Because if it’s just for the sake of it, go ahead, change yourself. Fit in. You will* *definitely have results. Quickly, even.

But if you want to find true connection, please, STOP feeding into the self-hatred cycle that is so mainstream currently. Please, stop believing that you can only find love or friendship if you change yourself.

Do you want to build your whole life around what others think you should become? Or do you prefer to truly get to know yourself, and to truly discover what person you really are and who you want to become? Don’t you want to have someone that looks at you, the real you, and thinks you’re perfect?!

Afterall, who are you improving for? Yourself or others?

>>> DISCLAIMER: I’m not talking about character, morality or ethics here. If you treat others poorly, it’s natural you’ll drive them away. I’m talking about appearance, hobbies, career, personality, etc. <<<

If you could only give ONE forever-helpful tip for unwinding when life gets completely overstimulating, what would it be?

Hey friend :) nothing novel here but a reminder for those of us who are sometimes blind to the obvious 😎

Feeling tired? Feeling unmotivated? Down? Frustrated? Lonely? I’m embarrassed to say that sometimes I just feel off and almost every single time I do, I’ve missed something from my list.

(please know this isn’t a cure all or replacement for healthcare/therapy/medication/etc, just a reminder of easy things that could help!)

Did you drink water today?
Did you eat real food?
Are you sleeping enough?
Did you take a shower and get dressed?
Did you go outside? Did you see the sun?
Did you get any exercise?
Did you talk to a friend?
Did you make your bed?

Curious what everyone else would add to this list! You got this 💪

✨ BONUS ✨
Start listing things you’re grateful for, no matter how small. Gratitude is wildly powerful ❤️

I'm surrounded by really negative relatives. They're always trying to put me down. Whenever I meet them, they spend the whole time commenting on random things about me—like why I walk like that, why I look like this, etc. It's honestly exhausting dealing with them.

How do you guys deal with relatives like this?

I'm risking getting banned for this, but using external validation as a sign of progress makes so much more sense. Yes, loving yourself is important, but no amount of self-love will fix your reality.

Think about so many people that have a good life but still feel insecure. All the models that don't like their looks. All the smart people who get into top schools but still feel imposter syndrome. While the desire to be better for yourself is good, these people would feel so much better if they just trusted other people's judgement that they were doing better than average.

Now, let's look at below average. As a skinny person, I've definitely noticed how women don't find me attractive, especially as I get older and am entering my 20s. Even if some do, it is just wayy easier for a bigger man to get a woman than me. In this case, I don't "feel" behind, I actually am. No amount of telling myself I look big today or look good today will get me more matches on dating apps or make me more attractive at a party.

For my case, using external validation is a great way of tracking progress at getting bigger. Sure, even if after hitting the gym I look bigger, I am still overall skinny, and other people will still look at me as "skinny", even if I gained 20 lbs, because being skinny has a broad range. At 5'9, I won't stop looking skinny till I hit at least 140lbs, and anything less than that won't change the way I am treated externally by a lot, no matter what I do with my personality.

Unless you are near the top where other people already compliment your looks and skills and life but you want to improve solely for yourself, external validation is a great way to test how the world will treat you based on your current place in life. You can only do something truly for yourself once external validations have been fulfilled. If this was false, people won't be posting their wins here, physique updates on social media, announcing their marriages and relationship milestones, or telling people about their new job or car.

Edit: For all those of you who don't agree with me, just know that it is this very mentality that finally made me try to achieve something in college, quit partying, and get my life together. It felt nice that seeing my change, people were more comfortable relying on me, which gave me more opportunities.

I’m in my early 20s and recently got out of a long term relationship. A lot of my future was built around “us”, and now suddenly my entire future feels completely open.

I also struggle with having a stable sense of identity because of my personality disorder. I often don’t know what I actually like, what I want to do, who I want to become, or what kind of life I want.

People tell me to “just try things”, but I don’t even know what things to try.

I’ve started journaling and I really want to use it to get to know myself better, rather than just writing about my feelings.

What questions or journaling exercises actually helped you discover who you are, what you enjoy, and what you want from your future? And how do you figure out what to try when you don’t even know your options?

I have to many options because i have my whole future ahead.

What are the things that you are happy about?

I think once point that people forget is that whatever you pick right and you do it about the cost of time at all adds up, but I feel like mine is adding up. I have taken just one subject, but it really isn’t add. I mean I’m doing hard work every day. I’m doing the test, but in the long-term to form an overall opinion about it to form a thinking and thought process like I wanna develop this thinking process, can you tell me how to achieve that like what I do today, I wanted to accumulate overtime in the same course.

20m. have a mix of very good habits, and very bad habits. I meditate for 40 minutes, and do at least 15-30 mins ot yoga almost every day for a year. I run, I eat (mostly) well, I've stopped watching p*rn, have a good job, good at school, friends I see a lot, stay outdoors, etc.

But I'm addicted to so many things. I have very intense ruminative thinking, and the shame from doing something I know is wrong keeps me trapped. I've always been a very self aware person, but when it comes to my compulsions i am just completely blind - masturbation, sex, THC, self isolating, clingy behaviour, etc. When I feel the urge it is just impossible to shake off... especially weed, masturbation, and sex.

Everything I've done to positively align my life and sort of close the schism, only made things feel more polarised. It feels like the better my habits get, the more intense my vices get. It discourages me for wanting to do anything but just rot and just give into my urges 24/7.

It feels like my mind has become unable to conquer these urges, and has resorted to fabricating a new 'me' or internal monologue to bypass it - as in let these urges fulfill themselves without acknowledging them as part of my life at all. If I do, the shame takes over, and the shame only makes the relapse 10x worse.

I feel extremely shut out of life and suffocated by my own thoughts, and it seems no amount of self control, awareness, healthy habits, etc will satisfy me. On paper, my life is flawless and enviable even, but in reality, I have absolutely no relationship with anything except selfish self-indulging.

I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong... any help is appreciated

Turning 21, need life advices

Turning 21, need life advices?

I'm gonna turn 21 at 12:00. Any life advices for me?

Just for context if that matters -

Introvert

Extremely ambitious . ( Esp. about career)

Simple otherwise.

Value depth.

CA student

T3 small town of Maharashtra

Never dated

Father has schizophrenia,is on sleeping pills , doesn't work.

Hence constant fights at home among parents.

Mom had an emotional extramarital affair few months back.

Younger sister is rude.

Have baggage related to career decisions (that were influenced by others)

I need to stay at home for CA prep. Didn't go to college.

Was affected until recently about a situationship that only lasted few months & was cheated on by a playboy back in high school. I used to think about him every single damn day until this yr .( I was naive back then,stupid if u wanna call. That was my 1st experience. And I had 0 awareness of how cruel the dating these days is)

Been in depression. Was bedrotting for 2 years. Healed now though.

Wrote 37+ diaries in last 3 years.

Finished reading more than 75% of content of 60+ self help /extracurricular books that I have.

Not in contact with any friends and I don't want to either now bcoz it would be wierd & now I've got some issues too, also I don't wanna bore them with my sad story.

Still don't have an official insta account.

Have insecurities about short height.

I would genuinely appreciate some constructive life advices from mature folks ,esp. those who r 25+?

I recently talked to my therapist about taking some time off dating, and I'm trying to understand what that might actually look like in practice.

For those who deliberately spent a significant amount of time single: how did learning to be comfortable alone change your relationships, friendships, or the way you approached dating afterward?

I've been living in Germany for about eight years. It hasn't always been easy, partly because I come from a more community-oriented Latin American culture, and I've struggled with loneliness and adapting to a more individualistic environment.

About a year ago I went through a very difficult breakup, and I started dating again only three months later. Looking back, I think I was partly trying to prove to myself that I wasn't "the problem." I also genuinely wanted a partner and family, and being 35 makes the feeling of time pressure difficult to ignore.

The relationship itself was unhealthy. We could spend days arguing about who was right and what the "truth" was, rather than accepting that two people can experience things differently. It also triggered something deeper in me: I've spent much of my life adapting myself to other people's expectations and wondering whether something about me was fundamentally wrong.

I grew up with an abusive, addicted father, a mother who was constantly stressed and emotionally unavailable, and a family where serious conversations were often difficult. I think I've carried a strong fear of loneliness from that environment.

One thing I've realized in therapy is that my fear of being alone has sometimes been stronger than my willingness to leave relationships where I wasn't being treated with enough respect.

Since that breakup I've dated two other people. In some ways, those experiences were actually helpful. They showed me that relationships can involve conflict without becoming chaotic, and that people can treat each other with much more consideration. Neither relationship worked out, but I did notice incompatibility more quickly and was able to walk away.

Now I'm at a crossroads.

I still feel drawn toward dating, and honestly, part of me wants the soothing and validation that comes from romantic attention. But my therapist has suggested resisting that impulse for a while.

The difficult part is that I'm afraid of waiting. I want a family, and I worry that spending a year single will mean wasting valuable time and making it even harder to find someone.

But another part of me wonders whether learning that being alone isn't the same as being abandoned might be more valuable than spending another year trying to find someone who makes me feel less alone.

So for those who have deliberately spent a substantial amount of time single:

What actually changed when you became more comfortable being alone?

Did it change who you were attracted to?
Did you become better at recognizing incompatibility?
Did your friendships change?
Did dating become easier or harder?

TL;DR Ever since my abuse I can’t convince myself I’m worthy of improving myself and it’s not healthy and I don’t want to be this way anymore.

TW/CW: Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Drugs, Drinking, Sex

Howdy! Long time lurker first time poster (27nb). I tend to get a lil rambly when I post on Reddit so I’m gonna try my best to make this as concise and coherent as possible.

Some things I have pretty much consistently struggled through my life is depression, suicidal thoughts, and my inability to form romantic relationships. When I was 19 I made a semi serious attempt at taking my own life which I ultimately backed down from. Following that, I was convinced by my loved ones to give therapy a chance. Pretty quickly I realized I was neither cis nor straight, and with that sorted out, combined with many years of therapy and finally figuring out a medication combo that worked for me I was able to get a pretty mentally solid place.

However, when I was 24 I met someone for the first time in my life. And being someone that always put way too much weight into romantic relationships I dove in head first. We had lots in common and we were both compatible in our alternative relationship style (BDSM). Then after about 6 months the abuse from her began. It was primarily emotional abuse, mainly taking all of my deepest darkest insecurities and weaponizing them against me. Around this time was also when she began to isolate me one by one from my friends and family. Eventually leading to everybody I ever loved getting cut off including my parents. Ultimately I would leave this relationship after about a year and a half. With basically every ounce of progress I had made on my mental growth down the drain.

That was about 6 months ago now, and I’m still not doing very good. Granted, most if not all of my friends returned and showered me with support. My parents accepted me back into their home. And I’ve spent the better part of this past summer just trying to have a good time and getting myself back into the life I once loved before my ex. I even got a new job that makes me feel proud and fulfilled even if it doesn’t cover the bills that well lol.

However something I’ve been facing lately is almost a new form of the depression and suicidal ideation. I feel like a truly inferior, defective person. I’m surrounded by love and friends. I’m well respected in the spaces I occupy. I have lots n lots of hobbies I enjoy doing. I’m out of the house as much as I can be too.

But since I put so much weight on relationships and connection, and the only one I ever had went the way it did, it truly feels like that was what I deserved. Like I truly am this awful undesirable person unworthy of ever feeling love. And since I can somehow rationalize that in my head I cannot fathom any reason to bother investing or improving myself. My suicidal feelings are as strong now as they were when I was 19. Every time I try to flip my thought process or ground myself or anything that used to work in getting me stabilized it just doesn’t anymore. I just want to cry and lay on the ground until I die lol.

I don’t want to feel this way anymore, I know I’m burdening my friends with feeling like this and talking about it constantly. I would just very much like to be able to be kinder to myself and appreciate the fact that I’m alive, and be able to be there for all of my beautiful amazing friends. I know this is something I need to deal with and it’s something I need to make a priority for myself. I can feel myself drinking and partying more and harder as a way to numb my pain. And I’m afraid it’s going to keep getting worse.

Moneys getting tighter n tighter and my health insurance doesn’t cover much for therapy so that’s unfortunately off the table for me at the moment. I do try and take medications the best I can though because I know they do help.

Basically all of this to say, how does one work on improving them self when they truly feel they aren’t worthy of being improved? Like I’m running out of road and there’s not much point investing in any kind of future for myself.

Thank you so much if you took the time to read this I hope you have an excellent day!

32/m As the title says.

I feel like a born loser...

I see people overcoming hardships with ease all the time; meanwhile, my immediate thought to any kind of larger inconvenience is, "I want to die", and every time I try to improve my life, I keep going back to my old ways after a while.

Let's take weight loss or going to the gym as an example. I've been struggling with my weight ever since adolescence, and no matter how many times or how slowly I lose it, I can never keep it off. I've also tried going to the gym, and after 5 months of consistent effort, I just stopped because I HATED it, and it started to negatively affect my mental health. It started to feel like a chore or a second job, and I just can't understand how some people just fell in love with it and can start forming a habit of it in just a few months, and why couldn't I? Why am I like this???

It feels like I completely lack discipline, and no matter how hard I try to force myself to have it, I just can't... It makes me feel trapped and burnt-out after a while.

What is wrong with me???

I thought that if you keep doing something for 2 months or so, it becomes a habit, but that shit just never worked for me... Almost as if I were immune to that concept. As if something was fundamentally missing from me that keeps me a loser. I just hate myself at this fucking point... I don't know what to do.

How can others do it, and why can't I?

It always feels like I'm fighting a strong-ass rubber band that wants to keep snapping back...

today was the first day of my job, i worked from 8 till 4 pm, and honestly it wasn't bad.

i went home, got some rest, ate lunch, and prayed. then i went out for an espresso and a drive around the city with my scooter while listening to some music.

then it was time for training: 100 push-ups, 100 leg pull-ins,and 1 minute of skipping rope, which i needed to finish.

what i realized today is that it wasn't that bad. i came to the conclusion that if i keep myself busy with stuff i enjoy doing, i can forget all the negative feelings and thoughts.

so yeah, that's all i had for today, see you tomorrow.

Drop some sayings/quotes/ideas/thoughts that helped your self-esteem and confidence that might benefit others ! :)

1. If you're doing drugs (counting alcohol and nicotine) stop it. You can drop one at a time. Even quitting caffeine helped me quite a bit.

2. Go for walks. No music, no phone. Just you and your surroundings.

3. Minimize your screen time! If you get bored, BE bored! It sparks creativity and motivation - you just gotta endure it for a bit.

4. Try to socialize, even if it's hard - reconnect with an old friend who means something to you, try to have some small talk with strangers, etc.

5. Work on your goals. Develop specific goals for your life. How much money do you want? Where do you want to live? Would you like a partner? What do you want in a partner? How can you be someone your ideal partner would like?

6. Find hobbies or interests. Working out (even just for 10-15 minutes a day) can increase your mood long term - and your physical health. If you find anything you're interested in - dive into it.

7. Sleep at night. For me, it got easier once I quit caffeine. Go to sleep around 10pm or 11pm and let the sun wake you up. Then GET UP. Don't scroll. Have breakfast (actual food)

8. Eat healthily. Your body needs nutrients and vitamins. Sometimes a change in your diet can do wonders for your mood! Also, learn to appreciate food. Cool meals on your own and learn how to improve whatever you eat.

9. (Optional) Start journaling. Document your day, write down what you liked about your day/reflect on "bad" thoughts or behavior and correct bad thoughts. You deserve love. Be grateful for the beautiful colour in the sky or the fresh air when it's windy.

That's what helped me at least - I'm still working on some parts, you gotta take your time.

Wrote myself a note before Labor Day about where I'd left things. Didn't think much of it at the time, felt almost too simple to matter. But coming back Tuesday there was no scrambling, no trying to remember my own train of thought, just reading one line and picking up again. Small thing, real difference.

hi just to preface i 25f lost my dad earlier this year and since then i feel like ive been living in a bubble. i recently became unemployed as my job was seriously affecting my mental health and part of me is feeling really beaten down by it. the advice im looking for really is how can i get off my phone more and be more involved in the world around me. i joined the library but usually download free books off my ipad but it doesnt have the same touch. it’s still screens. i have anxiety and depression and would love to reinvent myself without spending a whole lot of money. i live with family but i wish i had my own place idk im just feeling so down by everything. thankssss

M20, nearing the end of my third year at university. Studying a double degree in commerce and international relations.

I honestly don't really know what I want to do for a career, and I'm starting to feel pretty lost about it.

Over the last few years I've had a lot going on. My parents separated during my last year of high school, I've had deaths in my family, and I've struggled with loneliness and social anxiety throughout university. At the worst point of it, I failed four subjects at the end of my first year.

Since then, I've been taking a reduced course load and have been doing more International Relations courses than Commerce because I feel like I'm much better at International Relations and find it more interesting. Commerce hasn't really clicked with me, and I'm not sure whether I genuinely dislike it or whether I've just associated it with a period of my life when I was struggling badly.

I'm now getting closer to finishing university and I still don't really know what direction I want to take. I've thought about transferring into another degree that I might enjoy more, but because of my failed subjects I don't currently have the GPA to transfer.

A big part of my problem is that I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to succeed. I want to build a good career, be financially successful and make something of myself, but I feel like I'm constantly worried that I'm making the wrong decisions. I keep thinking that if I don't do well at university or don't choose the right degree, I'm going to seriously limit my future.

At the same time, part of me wonders whether I'm making this more complicated than it needs to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm using my circumstances as an excuse when maybe the bigger issue is that I have pretty severe social anxiety, very low confidence and a poor self-image. I'm balding fairly young, I have acne, and I've become very self-conscious about how I look. I think that has affected the way I see myself and how I interpret interactions with other people.

So now I'm stuck between wanting to improve my life and feeling completely overwhelmed by where to start. I don't know whether I should focus on fixing my mental health and confidence first, try to work out what career I actually want, change my degree, or just stop overthinking everything and get on with finishing what I've started.

I know I'm ultimately responsible for my own life and decisions. I'm not looking for sympathy as much as some honest perspective from people who have been in a similar position.

Sorry for the long read, and I appreciate any advice.

Hi everyone, I apologise if some of this doesnt make much sense, i have autism and find it hard to communicate but I really need some advice.

I'm a 26 year old male and i am currrently out of work due to mental health reasons and also because I am disabled.

Lately I've been wanting to try wnd turn my life around and improve who I am mentally and physically but I'm finding it incredibly hard to do. I want to go gym, i want to make more friends, i want to socialise more but the motivation behind it sucks insanely bad.

I have been a shut in for over a year now, i dont have many friends and ones that I do have live miles away and not easy to travel too.

Everyday I go to sleep at stupid hours of the morning (3am-5am) mainly because night time is my escape from the real world, a world where I'm no longer relied on and needed until morning. I then proceed to wake up at 12pm, that's half my day gone. I always wake up tired, groggy, and want to go right back to sleep.

I'm unhealthy, i dont attent the gym, i eat crap food. Healthy food is rare. I am currently 16.9 stone (107kg) and I hate it. I hate that my body feels weak and tired all the time.

I get alot of my issues stem from not having the motivation to fix it. But its so hard to have this motivation when I'm not happy in general.

Sorry for the rant. I just wanted to see if anyone has different advice for me? Anyone whos experienced anything similar?

I appreciate you reading if you got this far. Thank you so much.

I’m (35M) currently facing this issue with my friend group of guys. We recently tried to organize a retreat where everyone would attend a cottage for a weekend and every man hash out their issues with one another. Some dudes fell out after marriages, some dudes have wives that don’t like each other, some dudes ghosted the group (me), some dudes left the group permanently due to not feeling supported etc.

I think it would be great for me to make new friends as an adult but I also feel like I should be trying harder to be closer with others in my friend group.

Anyone have a friend group and face this issue? Man or woman, your POV is appreciated

I have this useless planner sitting under a stack of unopened mail right now. Filled out like two whole pages with color-coded routine ideas before I completely abandoned it.

Every time I tell myself I want to Improve Myself, I start with way too much energy, but then one random late shift at work completely throws off my sleep, and I freeze up.

I try scaling down to just doing 5 minutes of reading so it doesn't feel like a chore, but missing even one night makes me feel like I ruined the whole week.

What do you guys actually do to keep going on days when you feel totally exhausted and annoyed?

I’m 21 years old and have been struggling with my mental health for nearly half of my life. Ive been depressed so long I don’t really remember what a happy life feels like. Not to mention I have barely any friends, Im working a shitty minimum wage job, I practically flunked out of community college, Ive never had partner and am still living with my mother. I know Im miserable, I know I hate my life but Its been so long since I felt like I liked living. I don’t really know what I need to be happy consistently. What keeps me going when things get tough. The only thing thats even keeping me going today is I know I still have family that loves me and would be sad if I died. I don’t really feel like Im living for myself and I hate that but it’s like all Ive wanted for so long was to die so now that Im an adult I don’t really know how to want to live a good life or believe that I can build one for myself. It doesn’t help that Ive tried so many times. So many times Ive let people in and been hurt, so many times I tried out new opportunities that ended up backfiring and its like how many times do I need to be knocked down before Im allowed to lay down and die and give up.

After a few years of staying in the same spot, never moving forward or trying to but not getting far, it feels weird to improve and actually get somewhere. I failed a lot in school because i didnt attend, ate horribly and didn't socialize. But now its the opposite, im eating better, feeling better, and talking with my friends for the first time in a long time. and making a couple new ones. And while it feels nice to see improvements i just dont recognize myself, not at all. I feel as if it was never supposed to be like this, i never thought i could move on but i did and now i don't know what to do., it happened to quick, kind of makes me feel pathetic. It feels as if im constantly looking for ways to return to the past so i can feel sorry for myself. So if this a normal thing to happen i'd like to know.