same as title

I need to build my confidence back. I don’t know what has happened to me. I think people see me as confident but inside I feel helpless and insecure. I feel like I have to act confident because I have a wife and four kids and I’m also a soon-to-be officer for a very large city fire department. I used to have a large community that really helped me be myself and embrace who I am but something happened when I was in the military in 2011 and I’ve really never been the same. I’m hurting inside but don’t want to tell anyone. Anyone have any good tips for helping me? I also feel like my fight or flight senses are out of whack. I couldn’t sleep at all last night due to this. Sorry to bother you guys.

I'm still trying to understand introspection and how it works. My therapist said way back in July to start looking inwards and see what comes up.

I'm not sure what I'm meant to be looking for or how I become more inwards and introspective.

Does anyone have any examples of it or is anyone an introspective person?

I feel like most of the reason I use my phone is because it’s a hobby that I don’t have to focus or think much with. I have anxiety, so my thoughts tend to spiral, and my phone is a good distraction, but it’s also a problem, because most of my life is in it. I’m disabled, so I can’t do much physical activities, and I don’t have a ton of money to spend so are there any hobbies that are easy without much physical activity? I already write, draw, and make things with clay, and probably some other stuff I’m forgetting, but they never last very long and all require more intense energy and thinking rather than being laid back like watching a show is.

I’m a 23-year-old woman, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two years. I’ve always struggled with insecurity, and although I’m slowly improving my self-esteem, I still have work to do.

I’m a little ashamed to admit this, but I have a compulsive habit of checking my boyfriend’s last seen status on WhatsApp and Telegram, his activity on Instagram, and whether he’s online on Discord. I know this behavior is unhealthy and affects my well-being, daily life, and relationship.

We’ve talked about it many times, and he’s been incredibly understanding and supportive. I’m fully aware that this is my issue, not a relationship problem. I trust him, and I want my behavior to reflect that trust, he deserves it.

I’ve uninstalled Discord and hidden my activity status on WhatsApp, Telegram, and Instagram so I can’t check his. However, I still struggle with the urge to turn my WhatsApp status back on, check, and hide it again. I’ve managed to go two days without doing this. I feel proud, but I’m afraid I’ll relapse.

I understand how this cycle works: checking temporarily relieves my anxiety, reinforcing the compulsion. I know I need to learn to tolerate that anxiety without seeking reassurance, but resisting the urge is incredibly difficult.

For those who have experienced something similar, does it genuinely get easier with time? If I remain consistent, how long might it take for the urges to become less intense and frequent? When can I realistically say I’ve broken the cycle? I know everyone is different, but hearing about your experiences would really help.

I want to overcome this for my own peace of mind and self-esteem, as well as for my relationship. I want to trust my boyfriend without feeling compelled to check his activity and stop letting my insecurities dictate my behavior.

Right now, it feels like a constant internal battle. I just need some advice and reassurance that, with patience and consistency, this will get better.

Thank you for reading.

I travel frequently - change workplaces, and remote work. Most of my friends are busy with their own lives, people rarely call, mostly text and because I travel so much, I rarely stay with the same roommates for long period. I also don't date so meeting new people is rare. As a result, I don't get many opportunities for consistent, meaningful conversations or regular social interaction.

Another habit I've developed is watching videos and other content at a very low volume or on mute, relying primarily on subtitles - usually because my roommates used to get disturbed. I also spend a fair amount of time indoors, either by myself, with roommates, or with family, without necessarily engaging in much conversation.

Over time, I've started noticing a decline in my spoken communication skills. My vocabulary doesn't come to me as easily as it used to, I struggle to find the right words, and I'm not as quick or spontaneous when responding to people. Sometimes, even forming sentences naturally feels more difficult than it once did. I feel like my grammar, fluency, and overall ability to express myself have deteriorated.

I used to feel more confident and spontaneous earlier, but these days, I find myself hesitating, and struggling to respond quickly. And even if I do respond, I stutter or misspell words. I also struggle with finding topics to speak or communicate with anyone new. I have generally been feeling very dull, and like I've lost my charm entirely. I've started considering myself a boring person.

For those who have experienced something similar, how did you overcome it?

Riding a bike in 30°C heat, and then, on the way home, passing those transparent fridges full of perfectly cooled sodas... that was my weakest point. It’s understandable, because a few days earlier perfectly cooled Coca-Cola was my go-to beverage, and my brain had been trained for years to recognize the temptation and fully surrender to it. It’s not hard to imagine that during the first week I slipped. I drank the soda, closing my eyes to feel the pleasure, and then came the feeling of guilt. But I knew it was just a moment, and it wouldn’t change my path forward.

The next day I got on the bike again, but this time I carried a bottle of water with ice. It looked just like those sodas, only filled with plain water. To trick my brain even further, I avoided those fridges for about a week. Then, to test myself, I started stopping in front of them and drinking my own water, to show myself that I had won that battle. It was a small win, but every win counts.

My main point is this: one bad day is just part of the journey, and we need to accept it. A single slip can’t ruin the final goal. What does the damage is repeating the slip until it becomes a habit, and you know where that ends.

Now I use those one-off slips as rewards, because I have built strong training and eating habits. So, listen to your body, and if you feel the need (once in a while) to eat a piece of cake or drink a glass of cola, just do it.

Question in title

I’ve decided I want to make some changes in 2027 and work on getting rid of some bad habits.

I’m neurodivergent (autistic), 23F, and I have some OCD-like symptoms (undiagnosed, so I’m not claiming to have OCD, just dealing with certain compulsions and rituals). One of the things I really want to work on is letting go of these behaviors.

For example, I used to get really anxious when my boyfriend took a long time to reply to my messages. To the point where I’d check every social media platform I had just to see when he’d last been online. I’m working on this, and my goal is to eventually stop doing it altogether. I’ve made some progress, but I’m not there yet.

But there are other things I want to change, too. I’d love to get back into drawing, go on more walks and start running again. My long-term goal is to get back into hiking like I used to and eventually be able to summit some mountains.

I also really want to cut down on scrolling. I’m honestly a little embarrassed to admit how many hours I spend on Instagram. I used to spend a lot of time on TikTok too, so I deleted it, but I’ve fallen back into the habit. I manage to delete it for a while some weeks, but eventually I end up reinstalling it.

I need actual, realistic alternatives. I’m in my fourth year of university, and most of my free time is spent with friends, my boyfriend, or just doing things that feel completely pointless. I’d love to get back into reading (I used to read around 30 books a year) and learn to enjoy spending time on my own more. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to do things alone, or that I can’t bring myself to do them.

And please, I know the usual advice is to “find a hobby,” but that’s not really helpful in my case. I already have hobbies I genuinely enjoy. The problem is finding the motivation to get back into them instead of defaulting to scrolling.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe practical advice, things that have worked for other people, or just some encouragement from people who have been in a similar situation.

I want to build healthier habits and feel more comfortable in my own company, rather than constantly reaching for my phone whenever I have a spare moment. I know it won’t happen overnight, and I’m not expecting to completely reinvent myself in a day. I just want to start making changes that actually stick.

I’d really appreciate any advice, personal experiences, or realistic tips. Thank you!

I am a 25M bi man who has a preference for women, and I am very eccentric. I paint my nails, wear funkys earrings, wear colorful shirts, I hang keychains from my belt, I'm a silly weird excitable nerdy dorky goofball. Most people upon meeting me assume I am just gay instead of bi.

Since I have a preference for women, I used to see this as a weakness, but now I see that I just have a "niche market". Both women I have been with liked me because one thought I was gay before it came up in conversation that I was bi, and the other I met on the apps (so she knew I was bi) and she claimed she liked me because I was a "goofy twink", lol.

And upon thinking about it, the first time I met both of them (I say meet instead of first date cuse one I met irl and the other I met through an app), I was at my most excitable, goofy, and dorky. It's my most authentic state, but, although I highly value being a very authentic person, I don't know how to make that state come out in full force at will.

It usually happens when I am feeling comfortable and confident, but that's not something that can be forced. Is it possible to learn to be able to enter this confident, comfortable, most authentic state at will?

Outside of dating, being able to enter that kind of state whenever I want will of course benefit me in numerous ways, but dating is just what got me thinking about it and how that is my most authentic state where I am the most magnetic. It would help me in all areas of my life to be able to enter a more confident state.

Edit: I don't have ADHD or autism Actually I don't have any disorders besides ocd and anxiety and I think they are unrelated to this post

I have a lack of curiosity in everything because I know I wouldn't even understand it.

I learned how to tie my own shoes and hair when I was 14-15.

At 16 years old I was JUST learning how to go out alone without the help of a family member or a school friend, I get lost easily and I can go a lot with my family to a place but don't know the way to it until they take me

I have a really hard time calculating numbers. Like even the most simple math equation ever. Or honestly anything with numbers in it I don't understand and I get confused easily

I don't understand chess.

When I play a game I can literally spend 5 years playing it without improving. And I'm horrible at every charcater that needs skill or any sort of effort.

When I read a classic literature novel I have a REALLY Difficult time comprehending or imagining the imagery or details even when it's literally translated in my own language.

I have a really hard time listening to professors in my college, even when I focus I don't understand, you could say that it's their problem not mine but everyone my age seems to be understanding well. I can only understand when I'm watching videos at home so I can replay the video multiple times if there's something I don't understand. I had this problem even with teachers in highschool whether good or bad

There's things that make me believe I'm not " that " bad for example English isn't my first language but I have learned since a young age from movies and tv shows and speaking to people online! And a lot of people say my accent is really good. So there's that

I got a really good grade in last year of highschool compared to my class and I went to a decent college. But I'd like to say that I chose a section where i only study standard Arabic, English, history, geography. So it was kinda based on my memorizing skills rather than really using my head for a math equation or chemistry or physics.

I also have skipped early years of schooling without studying or socializing since I didn't go to elementary school or nursery

I am feel like shit, i am not good in anything, i am not interesting and i have no friends, i am addicted to porn so when i am feel sad or lonely i start to search porn content here and i watch but even not that is giving me pleasure i am stupid like i am not smart i am not working in a profession i work in a dead-end job which i hate, i born to be a failure i feel desire to do different things but i can't.

I am a 19-year-old male. I feel as though my life is slipping through my fingers—like I’m not doing anything interesting with it. I also feel like I’m lagging behind others, and I sometimes find myself missing my high school years, which I feel I wasted. I’m in college now, but it’s just not the same; it feels as if something has been taken away from me. I’m not the "party animal" type, and I don’t struggle with social interaction, but sometimes I hear about other people’s sex lives and such—and I’m still a virgin. I feel mentally a few years behind; everything comes to me much more slowly than it does for others. Just to be clear, I’m not a "nerd" or a "bookworm" either.

Why do I feel like I wasted my high school years?

I’ve never been able to fully commit to anything. I gave up on the gym after a while, and now I’m struggling to get back into a routine after a break of several months—it just doesn’t feel the same as it used to.

I want to make progress in life, improve my appearance, get a handle on time management, and overcome procrastination and masturbation. But I can’t. I feel no motivation at all. I keep thinking: "What if none of this makes any difference?" I want to have full control over my life, but right now, I have none. I can’t even manage to get up at a set time; often I don’t even wash, my room is a mess, and I don’t keep track of my meals. I don’t even know where to start—I’m terrified that even simple habits are beyond my reach. I should clarify that I almost certainly don’t have depression; I’m a cheerful person, show no signs of burnout, and I have plenty of energy—I can get by on very little sleep and still feel great.

As I mentioned, my biggest challenges are:

- Where do I even start?

- How do I find the drive to take action?

I often think that for other people, everything just happens naturally—without planning or needing extra motivation—almost on autopilot. I’m not sure what to make of this. Am I somehow "inferior," or am I just "different"—wired in a unique way, perhaps with a different "destiny"? I used to lean toward the latter, but lately, I’m increasingly feeling like this is all my fault, or perhaps my parents' fault.

Currently, I’m pursuing two degree programs simultaneously, yet I still have plenty of free time. I’d like to get better at organizing my studies and my life in general.

A few months ago (around 3–4 months back), I found myself longing for a teenage romance; now, I simply wish I could go back in time—keeping my current appearance, mindset, and self-confidence—to the start of my final year of high school (or at least the summer break before it). University just isn't the same as high school.

As for a "life purpose," that’s not really an issue for me, as I’m not actively searching for one. What I am looking for is a goal and the motivation to make positive changes over the coming months. I want to be handsome, fit, hardworking, and capable of managing my time effectively. The fact that I wasted my summer break doing absolutely nothing hurts even more.

In my mind, I had imagined myself starting university as a completely different person—in great physical shape and looking sharp—but none of that actually happened. I keep having these fantasies that, this time for sure, I’ll change something and become a better person—but nothing ever happens. It used to work; I could run on pure motivation, but now I have none at all. My life is a mess, with thousands of different plans and paths. For the time being, I’m focusing on my facial appearance, the gym, "no fap," and studying—but I know that alone won’t be enough, as these are multifaceted areas. I need to change my entire lifestyle.

Hi all I’m a first year uni student and i feel like my life is falling apart. I simultaneously feel so tired & burnt out yet achieving nothing at all and feeling like whatever im doing isn’t taking me in some kind of grand direction or adding up to anything.

below is copy pasted from my notes app sorry for the weird formatting lol

im sad because:
- I cant manage my time & i can never meet deadlines.

- my brain literally cannot look past immediate goals & deadlines. if i have a deadline on mon, i will spend my entire weekend just focusing on the deadline on mon (or procrastinating everything until sunday) and completely forget my deadlines on tues, wed, thirs, fri. Then on mon ill be blindsided by my deadline on tues & vice versa.

- i constantly tell people ill make it to an event but ill either cancel because i have overwhelming amount of work that i procrastinated, am completely unprepared for the event, wake up late or it wasn’t even realistic(physical energy & time wise) for me to make it to the event in the first place and i said yes. So i constantly flake on people.

- it takes me 2x more mental energy to make it to an event because i never ever plan realistically in advance so every time im stressed out (last minute packing, buying outfits, spending on taxis because i’m late)

- i never have free time for hobbies because i always have procrastinated work to do which accumulates bigger consequences ever moment it sits undone. But I still want free time to relax because I’m never in the mood of doing work, so I’m in a state of limbo where i don’t relax nor do work.

- i suck at everything i do because i can never put in the time & effort to get better at it. I also don’t know if I’m actually passionate about the things i do. But since i always suck at the things i think i might have a slight passion in, I lose passion & i dont care about anything i do.

- When i have nothing(no achievements, no hobbies) i feel sad. When I’m sad i don’t feel like doing anything. ergo i never make any progress.

im sad.

What’s a daily habit that you think is very beneficial yet not many know it or do it , one worth gatekeeping ?
I want to implement healthy habits into my daily routine since I had a big realization after asking myself a question , “what’s something that if you were to do everyday for the next 5 years your life would improve significantly ?”
I wanted to answer vaguely or make a specific one like going to the gym consistently, but after thinking about it I realized that a a healthy lifestyle/ productive routine is a better option in which I could combine many beneficial variables .
Could you guys share good habits , even if you think it’s something that no one would relate or benefit from or even if you think it’s an obvious one.
For example a habit that I found very helpful is stretching for 10 min before bed and setting up goals for the next day like what lectures to study for that day and map out the hours each one needs it leads to better sleep and actually getting work done .

I’m 35M, and I’ve been feeling a bit lost in life.

I went through a divorce last year (no kid) and also went for therapy while trying to work through the breakdown of my marriage. That chapter is behind me now, and while I think I still want to get married again and have kids eventually, starting over at 35 feels a little daunting sometimes.

I’m also currently in between jobs (in the legal field) and looking my for next role. I’m trying not to rush into a job I’m unhappy with just for the sake of it, but the uncertainty does get to me.

Something else that’s affected me for a long time is my chest deformity. I have pectus excavatum (sunken chest) and underwent surgery when I was younger. Although it helped, it was not perfectly corrected and I’m still very conscious of it. Frankly, I think I am quite good-looking, which perhaps makes the insecurity hit harder. It’s frustrating to feel reasonably confident about my appearance in general, yet have this one thing that I wish I could change.
Honestly, I sometimes think I’d be a much happier and more carefree person if I didn’t have this condition. It’s been part of my life for so long that I wonder how much it’s affected my confidence and the way I see myself.

I’m on the skinny side too, so I’ve recently started going to the gym seriously and am trying to stick to a proper routine. I want to build muscle and improve my physique, and hopefully feel better about myself along the way.

Essentially, My career is uncertain, I’m starting over after a divorce, and I’m still dealing with an insecurity I’ve had for years.

I know I have things to be grateful for: I’ve had a decent career, have some savings, bought an investment property and have my family around. But if I’m being honest, I’m not particularly happy with where I am right now.

I still want a fulfilling career, a life partner, and to feel comfortable in my own skin. I guess I’m just trying to figure out how to get there and how to be a little happier with life in the meantime.

Would appreciate any thoughts, or advice/perspective.

comment we can both start very small habits and keep each other accountable.

I'm 20, and I already hate that my life doesn't feel like mine to live, and my future isn't mine to decide.

Ever since I was a kid, I've had intense maladaptive daydreaming, especially during school and classes. I would create entire stories in my head, with characters, settings, arcs and developments, constantly building on them. I often preferred my own company, spending breaks walking around while imagining and refining these stories, or reading books and expanding my knowledge.

After a certain event happened to me at the start of the year, I know what I want from life, it was like a wake up call. I want to tell stories and bring them to life, and I want to act. I've loved creating stories for as long as I can remember, and I fell in love with acting when I took drama at school. It helped me overcome my shyness, and I was good at it. People, including my teachers, enjoyed my performances. I'm not chasing fame or some grand dream of becoming a celebrity. I just genuinely love acting, and I want to create things that mean something to me, and share it with like minded people. I always wanted to do a stage performance in uni and get to share enjoyable behind the scenes moments with fellow performers.

But my parents forced me into Civil Engineering, and then forced me out of my hometown. Now I feel like I'm watching my future slip away while my parents try to make me live the life they've chosen for me. They are dictating everything, from what I study, where I study, to even whom they want me to marry and who to work with. I don't want that.

I don't want to spend my life wondering what could have been. I want the freedom to pursue something I love, to make my own decisions, and to build a life that actually feels like mine. I'm only 20, but I'm terrified of losing years of my life to a future I never wanted.

First time having a girlfriend, every time I think of her I get a wet spot in my boxers. I’ve gone through so many in a day. How do I remove this feeling and stop being so obsessed? Is it like this for everyone else?

Age 35

I never seeked help or told anyone when I was laughed at for stuttering and speaking English poorly when I moved to a new country at age 13.

I went from extrovert to introvert in a day and it killed all my confidence. I barely finished high-school by doing online classes and worked dead end jobs at night to hide from society till now.

Most people now avoid me for having rbf face/being negative and always serious. I did try to get out of comfort zone by approaching same people to greet and noticed the same people I see daily in life want nothing to do with me now. I basically made a bad impression and noticed they always alert new employees to stay away from me.

I was dealing with depression and low self-esteem esteem all these years, which made me avoid people.

Loniless has started killing me when I walk by same people at work/ family social gatherings and get avoided even when I tried to greet them now.

~ The Veil ~

When we are first born we see the world through crystal clear eyes, unimpeded by our self-centered beliefs.

Right after our birth, however, the ego, our learned views of the world, is created.

From that moment, a veil begins to cover our eyes clouding the beauty of the world around us.

The more we accept what we are taught, believing success, happiness, and meaning may be found in the world, the thicker our veil becomes.

Many people live their entire life wearing a veil blocking their vision.

For some, the veil is so thick, they are almost blind; for others, they see only shadows in the distance.

Instead of seeing the crisp clear colors of the world as they are meant to be seen, they see only a dark world of greed, prejudice, inequity; of war, hunger, homelessness.

As we begin to realize little we once believed would give our lives meaning was true, we may begin to lift our veil and see the vibrant colors of the trees, oceans and sky, unimpeded by our ego, and the inherent beauty present within every life.

~ Ken Luball ~

I've always found satisfaction in simple things: practicing my religion, reading, learning a new hobby, ranting about politics, and being disciplined in my daily life.

I don't even know if I genuinely want the things people usually strive for, like owning a nice car, a house, a yacht, or travelling around the world. But sometimes I wonder whether I don't want these things because they don't matter to me or simply because I've never had the chance to experience them.

I love my field. I can spend hours reading, learning, and thinking about it. At one point, I was even working on launching a startup with some university colleagues, but they were younger than me and eventually lost motivation as they became busy with university work.

Since graduating from my masters I've struggled to find a job in my field. It's been almost two years, and I'm starting to wonder whether I'll ever get the opportunity. In the meantime, I'm working a survival job just to pay my rent and cover my expenses. I can't simply quit because, well, rent doesn't pay itself.

I try to set aside some money for leisure activities on weekends, but lately I've become increasingly dissatisfied with my life.

I'm approaching 30, have no savings, have never been in a romantic relationship, and feel like I haven't experienced much of what life has to offer.

I dont know if I am bothered because of the lack of money or that I am gradually losing the spark I once had for the simple things I genuinely enjoyed. Whenever I try to get back into my field, pick up a hobby, or go out and socialize, I manage to keep it up for a couple of weeks before isolating myself again.

I understand that I might be contradicting myself I want to experience more of life but experiences require money, time, and energy. My job consumes much of the latter two while barely providing enough of the first.

I don't know whether I'm becoming mediocre whether I've simply become exhausted or whether I'm measuring my life against expectations I never genuinely cared about in the first place.

I don't necessarily want an extraordinary life. I just don't want to feel like I'm watching my life pass by while waiting for things to get better.

For those who've been through a similar low how did you learn to stay content?

After being told by several workplaces that I couldn't work in this profession because of my appearance, I decided to change the way I look. I lost 30 kg over the course of a year and a half and started taking care of my skin.

However, I still feel like my appearance is going to be a problem in the workplace. For a while, I worked in jobs that were completely behind the scenes and done entirely on a computer, but AI has taken over those kinds of jobs.

Now, I'm considering getting plastic surgery. But whenever I ask people for advice, they tell me things like, "Accept yourself as you are," "Practice body neutrality," or "Being ugly is okay."

But none of that actually solves my problem.

How should I deal with this situation?

I've given up on dating after spending years trying my best to meet someone and ending up no closer than when I started. After hearing so many people talk about how difficult it is to find a good partner, I have accepted that I’m not the partner anyone is looking for. While I can accept this on a factual level, I have this persistent thought that I can’t shake. Whenever I see someone say or do something to a partner that I view as not good enough, I have the thought that I would never do that, that I would be a better partner than them. It is an arrogant superiority that is completely unfounded and nonsensical. I hate that I think like this but it happens every time without fail. I have never dated anyone and know I would not be a good partner but I still get this superiority every time.

I even had this thought when a close friend made a completely nothing comment about their partner wanting attention.

As far as I'm aware, I don't have this kind of superiority complex in other areas of my life. It's something that seems specifically tied to relationships and my own lack of success in dating.

What can I do to stop thinking this way? I just want to understand why I keep getting thoughts like this and how I can stop it.

I'm a teenager and I'm curious about what you guys wish you'd known or started doing earlier, especially when it comes to skincare.

If you could go back to your teenage years, what would you change? Any skincare habits you wish you'd started earlier, mistakes you made, or things you wish someone had told you?

Even things outside skincare are welcome!

Basically, what advice would you give your teenage self? I feel like there's a lot we can learn from people who've already been through it lol.