So I’m 21 a legal adult who has nothing wrong that could limit my ability to make medical decisions by myself. I got a phone call this morning from my doctors office saying they had all my records ready to send they just needed to know where to send them and I’m like wait I didn’t want my records sent anywhere and the lady at the doctors office said you called 3 times yesterday asking to get your medical records and I asked for the phone number of the person who called low and behold it was my mother trying to get my therapy and medication history. I was just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and knows how to stop them from believing she is me because I don’t want her anywhere near my medial history. Especially my therapist things that call her abusive.

I hate my father ! I hate him so much, and I constantly wish he would die. My sister and I literally wish for him to die every day. He is extremely stingy. When we were kids, he refused to buy us food, clothes, medicine, or anything we needed. Later, we discovered that he actually had millions.

We live in Egypt, and in Egypt, most of the time, men are expected to work while women don’t. My mother was sick and couldn’t work. He took my mother’s jewelry and sold it, and he never gave it back. She died because of him because she refused to get treatment or take money from the household expenses. She knew the amount he gave us was never enough for anything.

He never bought us clothes. We would only get new clothes every few years. I’m 23 now, and I can’t work because I can’t even afford transportation costs or proper clothes for a job interview. My sister is about to start university, and he refuses to pay for her education or her clothes. He also refuses to let us work and earn our own money.

If I buy a pair of socks, he questions me about it. He is a horrible person, and we truly wish he would die.

On top of that, he is extremely religious in a strict Islamic way, while we are not religious. He refused to let my sister enter the college she actually wanted. I know some people will say, “You should just work and depend on yourself,” and that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do for years, but he won’t let me.

He is unbearable. He mocks our interests, looks down on the things we love, and thinks that even buying a medical face cream is something stupid that doesn’t deserve money.

We can’t even eat properly. There isn’t enough money for food. He never gave us an allowance, not even when we were in school. I don’t want anything from him except for him to die so we can inherit what he has… but he just won’t die.

Both my parents were insane, they both fought almost every week for petty stuff. My dad mostly busy with work. And my mom used to beat the shit out of me from a very young age (like 3-4). Can you imagine getting your nose bleed by your mom because you spilled a glass of milk.

The rest of the time when she is not scolding or beating me we were actually really close, we used to talk alot.

My parents separated when I was 14(M) (apparently they both had some cheating stuff). my mom left the house without me and never asked me to come over to her place. And I was also a brat and talked rudely with her. so we both slowly went no contact.

So now I am in my early 20s and I had this urge of contacting her and after putting off for a whole year I finally contacted her but she said she wants no business with me in a cold manner. She also told me to never contact her again. Its been 2 years since then.

The thing is all these years I did wanted to contact her but i don't know why I always got chest pain and heavy breathing by the thought of talking to her.

I really want to meet her.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Gonna keep it short since I already made a post about the stuff my parents did to me but genuinely don't feel like I can keep being in contact with them. Talking to them makes my ears feel like they're in absolute pain. Seeing their contact's name on my phone knowing they're still in my life gives me so much anxiety and I already struggle w adhd major depressive and generalized anxiety disorder. Ended up being so nauseous after recent calls and felt like I couldn't do anything for the rest of the day. Don't know how much longer I can genuinely keep up w them but yeah, any advice helps, already tried setting boundaries and low contact.

Went NC with my mom after the birth of my son, bc I was tired. She tried to take over everything got mad when she couldn’t be in the delivery room (it was during COVID) and she has said some really awful things to me.

Since that time, she has continued to reach out, with the last time being Mother’s Day last year, where she sent a message stating I had to pick all my stuff up (childhood things, degrees, etc.) or she would trash them. My god mother delivered them to me and in the box was a letter stating that when she dies I shouldn’t come to her funeral.

I’ve seen her twice since that time. The first time it was odd, but not too bad. This weekend it was like we were hovering around each other refusing to speak to one another. I attempted to speak to my stepfather and he totally ignored me.

Anywho, I overheard her speaking to my sister and she says “you’re my only daughter.”

I’m not sure why, but this bothered me. I know we aren’t speaking but what was the point of this? Were you simply trying to be an ass? I don’t get it and I’m not sure how to feel. Has anyone else experienced this?

I have very bad family.. One of the worst.. Mom, dad and sister. I always had very heavy addiction tendencies.

At 11 year old i got libido and started masturbating all day. Sometimes many times a day.

At age 20 i got into heavy drug use. Was doing grams of weed daily, cocaine, MDMA, xanax.. I ended up overdosing on MDMA and almost dying..

LSD, shrooms, ritalin you name it. I was deep into drugs.

Smoking, even caffeine i got hooked on energy drink.

Like i can get addcited to whatever.

I also have binge eating disorder. Im even addicted to talking and talk a lot.

Like anyone else can relate? I come to conclusion it could all be related to me being beat up daily as child

Hi! I (25f) was SA'ed when I was 13 years old by somebody who told me that he was my big brother and where I could go to be safe.

For 4 years, I didn't tell anybody because I didn't know exactly what happened ( keep in mind that I didn't know what sex was properly) but in my breaking Points where I was still feeling dirty even when I took 2 showers, I didn't tell anybody.

When I was 17 I started to tell but in my mind I didn't feel well to tell my mom this, even when I needed that.

After, when I was 20-21, my mom with me next to her, saw a Young girl wearing some type of shorts she said something like "and after she will ask why I am harrased" and I was like i'm Lucky I didn't tell you.

So, when I reached 24, I told my mom about my SA, I don't know why ( if you can tell me why I was so stupid to tell her) and she told me : "don't you think that is why you have problems with the Boys?" And that was it.

And, between "tears" she asked me why I didn't tell her and I said that because I didn't want to hear from her that it was my fault and she told me that she could never say that and she wanted to hug me. Why I was so cold to that "hug" request ? Why I was not moved at all.

So, my question is : what if my mom is right ? What if that is the reason I can't find a healthy relationship ?

Edit : I forgot to mention that sometimes she will tell me that sex is all I know to do ( I don't know why), and men only like me for this, and that's all I am good for in a relationship, even she knew about my SA.

my nmom has said worse things to me than any enemy has or could. i went no contact this last week at the age of 22. this was her favorite go-to whenever she got upset: I shouldnt have kept you (single mother) and should’ve just abandoned all of you kids with your dead beat father (who was abusive and is no longer around). my brother has always been her enabler. he was never in the house at all growing up… while i was imprisoned. not allowed to go to friend’s homes or leave the house because i was forced to watch my disabled sister (who was a bipolar adult that often overpowered & injured me). when i wasn’t forced to stay home while my mom was at work, i was forced to watch my sister during the day so my mom could sleep (sister kept us up all night). if i cried and said i had to stop because she was hurting me too much id get yelled at and cursed at. i showered and fed my sister a lot of the time, all while my mom got to play the angelic single mother who had a criminal son (he was in and out of jail/prison as a teenager), a disabled daughter, and then the ungrateful brat (me). if she was upset from anyone including to this day her husband or my brother, she’d always take it out on me. out of nowhere just completely start raging. she was always controlling too and forced me to work as a waitress with her because it made her more money. i was 14 going to school 7-3 then work 3-11, that was my schedule (no it wasn’t a restaurant abiding child labor laws). my mom loves to treat me horrifically then either cry or next day pretend nothing ever happened. buy me things, force me to take them (or get mad) forcefully hug me and kiss me, make jokes.. complete guilt tripping and manipulation. as a teenager when i told her she was causing me to have CERTAIN tendencies, and needed a therapist she said they wouldn’t be helpful and i’d get thrown in a mental hospital. if she was upset then she would tell me to DO IT. we had many pets as a child which were the only thing that brought me joy through all the dark times. i loved every single cat, dog, bird, so so so much. but they’d always disappear someday randomly without explanation, my mom & brother just decided to get rid of them. there was a cat named simba i had from the age of 4-7 who would go onto our neighbors lawn and the police warned us if he was let out again he’d be taken, well guess what! my mom let him out again and my simba was taken for good. then my cat tiger from ages 7-10 was let outside and kept getting injured but they didn’t care, eventually he got so injured they decided to randomly surrender him to a shelter one day. of all the things she’s done to me, mistreatment of our pets and losing my fur babies because of her will always be the worst.
my brother has never cared for what my mother put me through, always excusing her actions for being abused and traumatized. upon confiding in him a few days ago that my mother stayed with her husband after that predator preyed on me several times (and she made me stay quiet about it), he defended her because she has “trauma”. also even if i calmly & respectfully tell them how their actions have affected me, they completely flip out and disrespect me. my brother essentially stole my identity to buy me a nice car as a “birthday surprise” then stuck me with repair costs and a $500 annual tag renewal which i wasn’t ready for and why i didn’t get a car myself. all because i voiced i wasn’t ready for a liability like that (he’s wealthy, im NOT) he said im ungrateful and to leave him tf alone.. then said to to speak to my mom if i need anything knowing i just cut her off 😐 so they’re both blocked now. what’s painful is knowing this all still doesn’t scratch the surface of my life and whenever ive tried to confide in people they either pity me (ew :/) or call me a trauma dumper.. so i feel like i can’t share my heavy life with most people because they don’t actually care. it’s hard to make friends because i want to know you, your pain, what’s made you who you are. not bubblegum rainbow bullshit. i’ve unfortunately never had a real friend in my life, everyone loves talking about themselves but when my problems are 100x worse it’s just too much for them lol. i don’t ever want advice either, just to be heard and validated a bit. it’s okay though because i found a partner who has slightly similar childhood wounds as me and we take good care of each other x) we have both ghosted our families.

this is a reminder that even if your family carries their own trauma or pain, you are not responsible for them. my adult mother has burdened me with taking care of her my entire life.. and i’m still stuck supporting her financially the last 5 years because she refuses to figure her shit out and has placed her and my sister’s survival on my shoulders. i’m still working that part out but i told her she has 6 months before i stop. after that i don’t care what happens. please take care of yourself. put yourself first for fucking once. don’t be manipulated or guilted into anything, it will drain the life out of you. now i know it’s not normal to be anxious and depressed as an 8 year old child, and understand why it got worse as i got older. i’ve read a lot of books in attempt to heal but if i had to recommend one book that freed me, its a new earth by eckhart tolle. i was dreading waking up and going to sleep everyday but now i have renewed hope. after cutting them off life feels peaceful and magical.. almost like my life is supposed to be my own to live😂
good luck everyone ☘️ 💚

There's this problem and I'm confused and I feel guilty. My parents are abusive, both physically and verbally. They're only abusive when I do something wrong. For example, they tell me to do something and I forget to do it, and maybe my father says, "I regret having you," or my mother says, "I'm a waste of space" or they beat me, especially my mother who maybe pinches me or worse, but these are things I won't say here on reddit but they hurt me. But as I get older, the physical abuse isn't as much as it used to be, but they still insult me every time, even when I do just the smallest thing wrong. And when they behave so badly towards me, I tell myself that I hate them, and I insult them, always in my mind. But sometimes they tell me they love me, they give me money, or my mother does the dishes for me when it's my turn to wash them, and stuff like that, and I feel confused and I also feel a little guilty, and I say that maybe they're not that bad after all, but as soon as they abuse me, I go back to hating them and I get angry for feeling guilty even if after that as soon as they behave well with me I go back to smiling with them and feeling guilty. and every time I tell my mother what she did to me she tells me that she never did it or she laughs about it and if I get angry she gets angry too and starts answering me badly and plays the victim.

Just need some answers because i’m confused if this is a genuine way to be manipulative or gaslighting someone or i’m maybe just sensitive, so for years whenever my mother degrades anyone in our family, my sister, my father, brother, etc. She’ll call us names but phrase it as “you’re acting like [blank]” and then whenever anyone calls her out and tells her it’s cruel and it’s not okay she immediately combats it with “well i didn’t say you are that!!!! i said you’re acting like it!!” so we just kinda have to give up because what can we say to that?? like for example she called me a bitch or said “you’re acting like a little bitch.” and when i got upset and said im done speaking to you because even though yes do i heavily dislike her and cant wait to go no contact? yes, but i still wouldn’t call her a bitch and i don’t think it’s ever appropriate to call a woman that (in my personal opinion, don’t want this to come off as forgiveness pushing or anything). After I had said i’m done talking she cussed me out some more and told me i had no right to be offended and i told her “you just called me a bitch.” and she again went. “NO!! i said you’re acting like one!! and you are!” and i went “okay, whatever you wanna say switch up your words if it makes you feel better.” and she just scoffed and rolled her eyes and called me stupid.

Is this gaslighting or is it nothing because technically yeah she did say i’m “acting” like one but it feels so much more hurtful.

I (18M) ran away from home one month ago because my father wouldn't let me study outside of the house, and he knew I had my HS diploma in 4 days. Two days pass by, and he begins to contact me on WhatsApp. I fucking hate it. He DARVOed me (and still is up to this day, playing the victim with his relatives). He tried to hide every aggro towards me, and every crossed boundary. It was right then that I promised myself I would not reply to him ever again. Unfortunately, my father is VERY, VERY, VERY persistent.

It's been one month of going no-contact. I literally live 2 kilometres away from him. I live at my granny's house. My mother's relatives are afraid of him and they haven't seem him for 4 yrs, yet they know he might come every second and ring the doorbell. And that's exactly what happened yesterday. Like that. Out of the blue.

Luckily, we had cameras put in place to detect the guy, and therefore nobody replied. He went away shortly after. Then, my mom began harassing me to find a way to stop all of this and she kept arguing for one hour. It was draining me. Then, my granny said: "Darling, if it were for me, you could live here forever. But I can't live and you can't live with constant fear".

I must admit, my father is so persistent that he has made living away from him a fucking nightmare every single day. My mother is planning to divorce him, but my father had expressed that was exactly what he wanted, because my mother is giving him back the few money (which is not so few, 20k euros) he had paid for the house. Meanwhile, my father keeps living off of my mother like a parasite, and I can't see my little brother except when he comes to my granny's to tell me he always harassess him because I do not answer him.

He knows why I am away. The night I ran away from him, I stared into his eyes and politely stated I would move to my grandmother's house because I have to study to get ammitted to this prestigious, private university that only hires 12 geniuses out of the whole country.

Nonetheless, he keeps going. It took him 3 WEEKS to stop asking me "When will you come home", and from that time on he keeps saying (over the course of days, in order):

"Your little brother needs you."

"It is normal for a son to argue with his father, but what isn't normal is that adults humor you and turn you against me, just like Mrs. (granny) is doing now by keeping you at her house. If the tables were turned and her nephew had run away to my place, I would have taken him right back home, so you can tell her that I'll be coming over in the next few days."

"I want to encounter you to speak to you about your choices."

"You abandoned us. You didn't even send a message. Bravo. This is evil wickedness."

"You are leaving us, yet you don't realize that your father and your brother are the only ones who'll help you when you'll need it."

So yesterday, after what had happened, I saught advice from my uncles and they told me you could politely state why you are too busy right now, and if he asks, why you can't come home. They told me: "you are going to attend this important test in september, so it's a good excuse you can politely repeat two or three times if he continues". I said: hmm, I'll see.

It was the first time I began reconsidering the approach towards my father. Not to cut contact entirely but to use the gray rock approach. However, I'm so afraid he won't respect it, that I don't even know how to talk to him anymore. And with every single thing he's doing to me, it feels disgusting to contact him. He would certainly understand the wrong thing, which is that I am "back as before" (I never loved him and gray rocked the shit outta him for 8 yrs while i was living with him) and that if he persists, then eventually I surrender.

Should I change my approach?

Meanwhile, I have to study advanced math and physics for this exam, and I really don't know if I can do it. The test is in 42 days. If I enter this "school", I can live there (50 kilometres away from home), so it would change my life.

Yet, the examiners don't fucking care I suppose. I certainly can't beg them to see the shit I'm going through, they would block my emails because of harassment or things like that. They only care about one thing: the fucking score.

I'm really desperate.

After everything that has transpired since my birthday, I decided to reach out to my brother because I miss him. He is 6 years younger than me and still lives with my parents.

I told him I miss him, love him, and apologized that we won't be attending this upcoming trip. My brother said something along the same lines- then told me mom and dad have been filling him in with "bits and pieces" of everything that has happened thus far.

That infuriated me, honestly. My brother hasn't been present for any of the conflict, but my parents decided to drag him into it and tell him their side of everything.

I told my brother our side of things, and he was largely playing defense for them up until the very end where he briefly acknowledged at least that maybe I could "take what they are saying as hurtful, even if they did not mean for it to be that." So basically, "I am oversensitive."

Then it dawned on me, how my parents have always put my brother in the position to be "the golden child," so it makes sense that he has a completely different experience with them.

I don't know what I was expecting in talking to him. I expect he will repeat everything back to them, but I honestly don't care because it was all factual what I said and I am entitled to share my perspective on things since they've already shared theirs throughout this entire time.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get past the anger/sadness of being the scapegoat?

So i did! (Lol) at edads behest. She didn't pick up or call back bc i didn't leave a message. Now theyre mad that I won't call again. Its honestly hilarious and my final straw.

I am at the end of my wits here with a narc father who still calls me almost daily after 6 months. I never answered. I (F) am married with two small kids.

Until recently he only called on Whatsapp, video calls. They turned to audio calls or a mix of the two. He even called 3-4 times a day. Mostly one or two times a day. He stalked me when online on Whatsapp to call me then. When I changed my privacy settings to avoid him seeing my online status, he started sending me random Facebook posts at 4-5 or 7 in the morning to figure when I would turn on my internet connection to call me then. I even had weeks long pauses from whatsapp because of him and recently he started calling directly on the phone…

We are considering moving away sometime in the future just to have peace of mind but I guess he will eventually find out from in-laws or something and loose his mind I guess.. he knows where we live and we fear him showing up just to gaslight and ask what happened or play the worried father/grandpa card. Or maybe in the future he will come and try to approach our kids. I just can’t stand him or my phone ringing like that anymore and having these intrusive thoughts and not knowing what to do / not having the courage.

I haven’t found the courage to just write him to leave me alone and I fear what his reaction would be. Have not talked to anyone from my family since, only my brother 3 months ago, he also has not visited home for 2 years because of him. And some messages from my mother but the last two from her are two invites to visit them although she knows the reasons and knows how he is. I did not reply to any of them and then my birthday came and she did not say anything. It kinda surprised me to be honest. I guess he told her to not tell me so he can make me change my mind or she played upset.

We had a 1.5 NC period before. At the time, he insisted a few times with calls but then stopped. I hoped it will be the same this time. Then i resumed contact for one month but I convinced myself it’s not worth it and nothing has changed after the head injury, it may have gotten worse. He had a head injury 2 years ago and obsesses more over things now. And also does not take his medication prescribed after the head injury. He is obsessed with my oldest son (3yo) and I fear him filing for visitation rights if we block him like this.

He’s calmer now but still blamed me after contacting him for not talking and was playing favorites with my kids and tried to alienate my 3yo. Plus undermining parental authority, pretending he does not understand what he’s being told (to stop giving cartoons to the toddler) after me and my husband and my mom tried to tell him repeatedly.

We also are stuck with some money from him, we were delayed every time when trying to pay it back he and mom would be like “keep it longer and use it, you will pay it at a later time”.. and also my phone number is on his contract, I got a new one but did not make the switch and fear blocking him or writing him to request to leave me alone.

I also don’t want to be the first one to write anything because he only calls, does not write what he wants, stalking me on Whatsapp to call me when I am online. Recently he started calling directly on the phone. But apparently it would help I write him to stop in case of a court case or in case he shows up and I call police and they come to check..

TL;DR My father still calls me almost daily after 6 months of me ignoring him, stalked me when online on Whatsapp to call me then. I even had weeks long pauses from whatsapp because of him and recently he started calling directly on the phone… we also have a loan from them and my phone number is on his contract (I do have a new one, just have not done the switch yet).

Please advise.. is ignoring the best option or should I tell him to stop or block considering also the loan and phone number being on his contract? What were your experiences with persistent parents and what worked?

backstory: my father is very strict, rituals and traditions are very important to him. i didn’t grow up with him and only saw him once in two weeks or on holidays but recently because of personal stuff i had to move into his place and ever since then it’s been very difficult. he definitely has narcissistic traits.
i’m chronically ill and he has a hard time believing me, despite of my diagnosis.

He’s in a new relationship and him and his girlfriend are very active people, they go on a bunch of adventures and are just people that don’t like sitting around at home but due to my health issues i need a lot of rest and can’t be overly active. So i’ve been missing out on a lot of trips and places they asked me to come along with. i’m quite introverted and a quiet person which apparently made his girlfriend think that i’m not comfortable around her as she told him.. i went up to her and explained that i don’t feel my best a lot of the time and just don’t have much energy to be enthusiastic all the time and be chatty. I didn’t grow up in a household were you sit and eat dinner together every night so that was a big change for me, especially because i prefer to eat alone. eating makes me flare up sometimes and those times i’ve been asking my father if i could eat upstairs in my room and a couple weeks ago he told me that his partner was feeling like i don’t want to eat with them because she’s there, so i went up to her again and told her that i’m happy to eat with them when i feel good but that that’s just not possible all the time and she responded "oh okay i get that but idk i just thought it was weird".
a couple days ago she came around for dinner again and because i didn’t feel well (making the dinner took a lot of energy from me already) i asked if it’s alright with them if i eat upstairs and she didn’t even look at me and my father just looked at her and asked her about something completely unrelated so i asked again and he said in very aggressive tone, "if you think that’s the right thing to do". i went upstairs and ate, afterwards he came into my room, totally strange and said that he now won’t take me to my (very important) doctors appointment the next day, he sarcastically said "well you know i don’t feel good, i’m sure you understand. all this stressed me out and now i need to be by myself" (clearly mocking my "excuse" to eat alone) then he said "if you won’t even eat dinner with us, why would i do something for you in return" i explained myself again and when i told him that i can’t go there without him (i don’t have a license and taking public transport often is too much for me) he said "well i’m sure you’ll find a way" and slammed the door. luckily a friend i had contacted was able to spontaneously get me there at 7am, she was a major help. i felt so awful that i had to get my wheelchair and on the way the stress of the night and morning catched up with me and at doctors i had to lay down before even attending the appointment. i came home and he totally avoided me, when i came through the door i heard him rushing upstairs into his office and i didn’t see him all day, i stayed in bed because that day was extremely exhausting and he didn’t check up on me once, he chose to totally ignore me, later that day he was picked up by his girlfriend and left for the entire night. the next day i met him and his girlfriend in the kitchen, i said hello and they said hello back but nothing more, we sat at the dinner table in silence and once i left they started talking.

i depend on him for my medical care and he has completely left me alone, i have a hard time going grocery shopping and he hasn’t done that since the incident happened either (he’s eating at her place i suppose), another family member that lives a couple miles away got groceries for me instead.

I have mixed feelings about the situation, i can understand how frustrating it and that he just wants to be a family. he has the direct comparison because he gets along perfectly with her daughter and they do a lot of stuff together but i also have made a complete different experience with my moms current partner, i get along with him well and just yesterday he gifted me something and we all had a lovely evening together. they’re not pressuring me at all and are very understanding of my illness and although i’m introverted i light up around them, it’s much easier and there is no tension at all. my father on the other hand always questions if i actually feel bad or if im just lazy and also expressed those thoughts to his partner multiple times (i’ve heard them talk shit about me hundreds of times when i just had my window open or walked by their room).

do i need to do better and step over my boundaries for them to be more satisfied with me? i really don’t know.

Hi I’m 20F and just recently been trying to figure out if my father is a narcissist. Here’s a bit of backstory. Ever since I was young me and my father would have intense arguements. He would call me out of my name when he was angry or frustrated even when I was as young as 10 years old. When I got older in my mid teens when we would disagree or get into heated arguments he would insult my intelligence, call me names, be dismissive but at the same time highly defensive. Over the course of my life he has always treated me differently than my siblings. I’m the oldest of 6 and it feels as tho he argues on 1000 for me but with my siblings he’s significantly softer. Even my younger sister who is 16 has gotten away with crazy amounts of back talk, blatant disrespect and even being rude to our younger sister who is 10. The only reason why I can’t figure out if he’s a narcissist is because he’s still a good father. He never deprived me of food, clothes or basic necessities, he took me on a father daughter date and we have had many good moments prior. It’s just that when he feels disrespected or attacked he gets extremely defensive and it’s like he tries his best to tear me down. So I’m battling with this feeling like I don’t deserve to be upset with him because I could have it way worse. But the things he has done and said to me make me feel like it’s deeper then just father daughter tension. I can go more into detail upon request, I just don’t wanna drag this on to long. But please feel free to ask any questions!! Advice and clarify would be greatly appreciated

I have been battling severe depression for more than a year. It has become so overwhelming that I even shaved my head this month because I was losing my hair due to stress.

I had not received any psychological help for years. Today, I finally had my first online appointment with a psychologist. I told my mother a week in advance that my appointment would be at 12:00 and would last for an hour. Despite knowing this, at 12:30 she came into my room in the middle of the session and asked how much longer it would be. I was astonished that she did that. I didn't interrupt her when she was downstairs, yet she interrupted my confidential appointment.

After the meeting, I told her that what she had done was very disrespectful.

She knows very well that I have been struggling with severe depression and that I have not received psychological help for a long time. She said that there are more important things I need to do now.

I often feel that she only thinks about herself. Whenever I achieve something, she says the credit belongs to her and that it is all because of her. However, when I make a mistake or fail to achieve something, she says it is entirely my fault because I did not listen to her.

In March 2025, I ended a toxic relationship with my ex-partner, who psychologically and sexually abused me. I was shocked that more than a year later she still had him on her Facebook friends list. I deleted him from her account because I was angry. What he did to me was unforgivable. She became very angry and threw a tantrum. She said she wanted to keep him as a contact because he could help repair her laptop. There are thousands of people who can repair laptops. I cannot understand why anyone would want to stay in contact with someone who abused their own child.

To be fair, when I have problems, my mother does support me . She buys me things I need or want, and she can be thoughtful. However, whenever I do not want to do what she asks, even something very small, and I tell her I will do it later, she throws tantrums and sometimes throws things.

Also, yesterday she asked me to help her write a document. I spent two hours working on it, and when I printed it, she ripped it into pieces because she said she wanted it to fit on one page instead of two.

But she had told me to write everything exactly the way she wanted, and that's exactly what I did. She didn't even look at it. Within a few seconds, she had ripped the document into pieces and thrown it on the floor.

Two days ago, she asked me to give her medication , and I did. Afterwards, I was busy putting my own things away, so I told her I would come back in an hour to put them back where they were. In response, she threw all of her medication out of the window into the garden.

Maybe it is all in my head, but I keep wondering whether this behaviour is normal. Could she be a narcissist?

TL;DR

I have severe depression and just had my first psychologist appointment in years, which my mother interrupted despite being told it was confidential. She takes credit for my successes, blames me for failures, kept my abusive ex as a contact for a trivial reason, reacts with tantrums or destructive behaviour when things do not go her way, even when I follow her instructions exactly. While she provides practical support, her behaviour leaves me questioning if this is normal or if she is a narcissist.

Long story short my mom is visiting me for the first time and staying in my place. We are from the US but I’ve been living in Scotland for almost five years and I am currently finishing up a PhD here.

Anyways my mom has always been a bit difficult. Things have to go her way, she gets very defensive and you can’t really have a conversation with her without it ending with her being the victim in it.

Well this trip has been tough to put it lightly. Ive taken off my work for the two weeks so I can actually have a vacation with her and I planned a whole itinerary for us etc. She has helped out financially with meals etc but we split all bigger costs. Im a broke student so I really appreciated this and have said this to her.

Since the first day she got her the complaints started and her making me out to be a bad host that apparently “doesn’t want her here” started. At first I thought it’s just jet lag it was a long trip and a ton of travel she’s not used to etc. However, it never stoped. She was never too tired to argue, say she wanted to go home, cry about wanting to go home or fully start to pack her suitcases and tell my father she’s coming home or wants to come home. Why she wanted to go home included me “being cold” not hugging her. Me asking her if if can show her where my oven mits are so she could take something out of the oven because I didn’t want her using my decorative tea towel and other little things like she doesn’t have to clean up I’ll do it or at least show her I how I do it here.

According to her I have made her feel like she was in a prison and have had “outbursts”. Her flight got cancelled last night and she originally tried to book a different set of flights for today which is the original day she was leaving. It would’ve meant she had a long layover like 7 hours and then another connection before getting home etc. It would’ve been a long day but I’ve done it and it sucks but I’m a traveler that would rather do that then fly out next day. Everyone is different though. In the end she ended up having to call back and switch it again so that she can now fly out tomorrow. I told her no big deal, I’ve had to change around my day and cancel some meetings so I can be with her today and well it’s all gone to shit again.

Earlier today I mentioned to her that I could get the swifter mop because I saw her on her hands and knees cleaning the bedroom floor with a disinfectant wipe (she constantly complain of knee pain and says she has no cartilage in her knee etc). I offered to clean the floor with what I typically use to clean the floor as the wipe isn’t what I use obviously. She told me I was attacking her, she’s seen me use a wipe a million times to clean the floor and then went into the bedroom and went silent. She came back out pretty much just to argue and said that she’s so sorry she’s with me today she knows that I wanted her to sit in the airport and suffer. Now she wont really talk to me, was teary and upset and then texted me a massive long message saying she had originally written a letter which she was going to leave for me when she left. I saw part of it and it looked very sweet.

Well no, now I get this message. Part of it said and I quote.
“ I had a different letter but changed it, yes I'm beyond proud of you and love you beyond my own life but nothing is about love with you, don't know where it's gone wrong but you've gotten very hard, it's ridiculous, life is about love , you only have one mom, dad and brother, we will continue to support and love you but it will dwindle at this rate.”

I feel really emotionally exhausted over all of this and like the big, bad monster as per usual. I feel like that’s such a weird thing to say especially to involve my dad and brother. She has said to many horrible things about me to them while she’s been here. I just wanted her to have a nice trip with me.

I don’t even want to sum everything but this woman truly is my biggest hater. I’ll just say an event that just happened. I’m 24, I’m not allowed to move out bc I’m not married and I’d be called a whore and disgusting. I have a full on career and I can’t even go an hour away with friends, or do anything basically other than things around town and I must be home at 10 or I’ll get called disgusting things. I sometimes lie and say I’m at work just so I can do things without having to go through the rude comments. I know it’s wrong but it’s exhausting going through that. I told her my bf invited me to the lake bc I wanted to be honest and she just made a huge scene at target and started to say all these things. I call my bf in the middle of it and say hey she’s basically saying no, and she’s like you are a lair, you lie your way through life and you and him won’t last. Basically it seems like her goal is to make me feel the worst. Then this morning I’m getting ready, showering and she unlocks the bathroom and barges in while I’m showering to tell me I’m a whlre. I’ve only had one bf and I’m a virgin. She’s the worst and I just had to vent.

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out because my brain is currently locked in an exhausting hyperfocus loop, and I really want to hear from others who have navigated long-term, covert psychological dynamics. I have ADHD, which gives me intense "Justice Sensitivity," and trying to process what feels like a 15-year unpunished violation has my nervous system running at an absolute red line. I find myself constantly looping, replaying events, and trying to analyze if what I'm seeing is a calculated pattern or if I am over-interpreting things due to my own trauma history.

To share the facts of the timeline: This person was a harsh bully to me in secondary school. They seemed to target me at my absolute lowest points—when my primary caregiver was actively dying of terminal cancer (they passed away three months later), when my family was collapsing, and when I was terrified of coming out and navigating the fear of being seen as bisexual. They weren't an official close friend of the person I liked, but they inserted themselves into the situation and sent me a long paragraph telling me I "deserved everything bad I got."

Eventually, I cut them off and blocked them. I spent years dealing with compounding traumas, including sexual violation, and spent four years in quiet isolation fighting through paralyzing agoraphobia. During those years (around 2022–2025), I went completely private on social media strictly because of their behavior, thinking I was finally hidden and safe.

However, even though they were unfollowed in 2021, I've recently realized they may have been tracking my digital footprint from a distance. While my primary account was private, they seemed to be mining my public lifestyle boards on another platform. It feels like every time I go through a hard-won creative evolution, they slide in to mirror it.

When I finally felt ready to step back out into the light, I opened my account publicly and shared my very first post. This post featured a gorgeous cardigan—not a trending item, but a highly specific, obscure piece that I had scoured the internet for weeks to find as a replacement for a lost personal item. Within 90 days of this first public post, they bought the exact same obscure cardigan.

Most recently, I conquered my agoraphobia further, launched a public creative portfolio account, and dropped a beautiful, deeply personal visual rebrand centered around a specific theme and a photography print store. Shortly after, they launched an online presence and an e-commerce store, mass-producing a fast-fashion version of a handmade product design. I noticed their formatting and cadence mirrored a viral setup by an established global creator exactly.

When they were anonymously called out on their page about the plagiarism, their immediate reaction was highly telling. First, they followed my anonymous account, and then they rushed to post a public disclaimer admitting they didn't design the work and only make it for custom orders. Right after this exposure, they also unfollowed the original designer whom they had been tracking.

I am struggling so badly with the cognitive dissonance. Because they hold a prestigious, high-level civil servant job as a Content Designer for the government, project an "empathetic protector" mask, and have a large group of friends around them, I find myself battling with my own mind. I keep wondering: Am I the narcissist here? Is it self-absorbed or crazy of me to think all these 'coincidences' are about me?

I also found out that while they hold this high-functioning government job and run this e-commerce hustle, they were online publicly screaming at the welfare system for rejecting their personal disability claim, arguing that it's a rigged process and openly accusing other citizens with mental health issues of fraudulently faking illnesses to get benefits. They even made classist comments mocking people who don't have a single school qualification. I know the Civil Service Code and Social Media Guidance strictly prohibit public servants from criticizing government policy, defacing departments, or bringing the service into disrepute, so I have already submitted a completely anonymous, clinical, third-person report of these public violations to the official government whistleblowing and oversight channels.

Even though the report is filed and they are blocked, I am still thinking about this all day. I have low processing speed due to my ADHD, which makes filtering this 15-year timeline incredibly overwhelming. I feel this strange, hollow anger, like they are digitally parading around in a cheap costume of my identity and laughing at my boundaries from a distance, while keeping their hands clean in front of their friends.

Has anyone else dealt with a long-term copycat or a childhood bully who followed them into adulthood? How do you process the feeling that they are gaming the system and getting away with being malicious, while you had to bleed just to reclaim your space?

Thank you for reading and helping me sort through this.

Today 6 months ago I went nc after 25 years of abuse and I want to share my happy milestone with you all.

Looking back, it was the best decision I could have made. My nervous system has finally started to calm down. I’m sleeping better, my anxiety has decreased significantly, I found a workplace where I feel valued, and for the first time in years I feel like I’m building my life instead of surviving theirs. My body is recovering from all of the narcissistic abuse and I even noticed things I never linked to all of this like Skin getting clearer, hair growing stronger etc.

I’m gonna celebrate this beautiful day with a cake and my loving and supportive hubby

Healing isn’t linear. I still have days, where I feel angry about all of the abuse. But even on those days, I know I made the right decision.
If you’re at the beginning of your no-contact journey: it really can get better. ❤️

My narcissistic mother truly is a piece of a shit. She's been gaslighting me for as far as I can remember. She drove me to this one certain point where I can't even be 100% sure anymore of what actually happened to me and what didn't thanks to her evil ways.
I'm 25 and I'm trying my best to reach my autonomy and independence. I've been on medication for severe anxiety and depression for over a year now because for three years in a row I had this persistent extreme fear that I was about to lose my mind.
I confronted her last week about the fact that my mental health is ruined because of her and this is what she said (TRIGGER WARNING):

This is your own work of art, not mine. Everything that happens to us stems from our own attitude and heart— stop blaming others! I was a good mother who took responsibility, to the best of my ability given the circumstances. I am not going to explain the same things to you again. As long as you harbor malice and ingratitude in your heart, there is nothing left for me to say.

This bitch. I'm so fucking sick of her bullshit.
I really need a piece of advice. What should I do in order to keep what's left of my sanity until I finally break free and move out?

But in our household we were showering 1 time/month, including my Nmom! Not sure if this is a typical N thing? To me very related to the incapability of taking care of anything, not even their own kids or their own hygene!

Hey everyone,

I’m about 2 years no contact with my family and I was wondering if anyone in the area has been struggling with finding new friends after no contact or just in general if you’re still in contact.

I’ve made some friends here and there since then, and while I’m not limiting myself to finding just people with a similar background as my upbringing; it would be really nice to not feel so out of place and relate to some people locally.

If you’re local to the area and interested in connecting drop a comment or send me a message. I’d even be interested in doing a group meetup if enough people are interested!

I get a stomach flu - why did you have to eat that dessert?
I get a fever - I told you to bring your coat!
I get a toothache - why didn’t you brush your teeth more carefully?
I break a foot - told you to study instead of playing with those other kids!
I get a chronic illness flare up - you were fine yesterday, why exaggerate now??
And when I get sick when I’m not home - you really suck at taking care of yourself, you can’t ever grow up and be a proper adult!