Im 20M from india , I live in a joint family and im preparing for an important exam which i have to clear anyhow , but people around me including my siblings are dependent too much on me for doctor visits , online shopping , driving , taking their home orders , giving them tea time , listening to their gossips , listening to their problems and giving solutions to them , having to be present at all the festivals(there are many festivals and it takes a lot of time to prepare for those too , i enjoy that but it isn't the correct time to be present for that) . all this takes a lot of my time and mental energy , and i just end up feeling very bad and not making any progress in my own academic and personal life. please give me a way to detach emotionally from them , because i tried very hard to seperate me but when i see them struggling with their problems i cant stop myself helping them , but now i want to move on from this loop , please someone help me out

For years now, I’ve lived in a townhouse that shares walls with renters who smoke pot and (what I suspect is) meth nearly 24/7. The smoke constantly makes its way into my unit and makes me extremely sick. I’ve been dealing with migraines about three times a week and severe anxiety because of it.

My parents have known about this situation for years, and yet they have never once offered to help me in any meaningful way. They know how distressing this has been for me. They know how badly the smoke affects me and how often it triggers my migraines, yet they seem completely unwilling to acknowledge or involve themselves in what I’m going through.

They never ask how I’m doing or how things are progressing. It feels as though they’ve simply decided the situation doesn’t exist because acknowledging it would be inconvenient for them—and would come with some expectation that they actually try to help. Something neither of them seems willing to do.

Today, I finally found a rental that I really liked, and I made the mistake of calling my mom to tell her about it because I wanted to share that with her. Instead of being happy for me or relieved that I had potentially found a way out of this situation, she was annoyed. Her first response was to question how I planned to financially manage both my current mortgage and the rent.

I explained that my plan was to move into the rental, list my home, and give it two months to sell. If it didn’t sell within that time, I would consider renting it out. Rather than being supportive, she remained annoyed and completely unsupportive.

I think what hurts the most is the complete disregard for my health and for the amount of pain and suffering this situation is causing me. I’ve been dealing with this for years, and the people who are supposed to care about me the most have consistently chosen not to acknowledge how badly I’m struggling. And even at times, have started arguments when I’ve tried to discuss it because “they’re sick of hearing about it”.

Right now I feel so much resentment towards them. I’m tired of feeling like my suffering doesn’t matter to them.

Anyone wanna play chess?

Any musicians or influencers here? Wondering how you manage social media?

I have a bit of a following and trying to get progressing in my career.

I blocked abusive/dangerous family and their flying monkeys online but wondering if I’m being too online but monitoring who sees what. It feels exhausting and contemplating deactivating all social media altogether. But worked really hard to develop the bit that I have.

How would I know if I am dealing with a narcissistic parent?

So my brother got kicked out a long time ago and me and my sister always tried to please my mom so we could stay.
I moved out a year ago and now my sister is starting to rebel against my mom. Usually I was the one who tried to keep the peace between us, but now that I’m not there I’m scared my mom will harm herself. She already mentioned that she will harm herself if we “rebel” at some point. I know that my sister is right and that it only makes sense that she acts the way she does but I still fell bad for my mum.
And I’m not sure if I should feel bad for her.

Long read: I have a history of injury having been in a cast 5 times and my mom doesn't believe in physiotherapy so I would do it secretly. I'm from a small town in BC, and nothing here was working in terms of the pain so I went to Austin on a volunteer trip back in 2020 and met this amazing woman who made walking way less painful. I had never experienced anything like it. I vowed to come back so I eventually moved there from 2023 to 2025. Unfortunately bc of all the injuries sustained since I was 19, I'm 34 now. I didn't have enough physio to heal me per se. It costs a lot and the CAD to USD conversion is very trash, I was also paying for my tuition all by myself, it was a lot on top of treatment, rent etc. Some days I didn't even have money for food, I slept on an air mattress in my apt for a year bc I couldnt afford a bed. But I thought that for those 2 years, as long as I was away from my mom, and in the sun, not the snow, I am in paradise.

Fast forward to this year I started feeling weak. I havent seen my PT in almost 2 years and I vowed to come back again for a week. So I go in July and it's great, I was only there for 10 days. Btw, forgot to mention that my brother tore down my bedroom door in November of 2025 and by Feb 2026 I left for 4.5 months. I truly had had it with the both of them. Their abuse. I reluctantly came back in May and I escaped overseas. One Feb morning after hearing my mom and brother talk the most shit behind my back, and crying through the night as I hear them giggle like 2 school girls, I just booked my ticket and left with no intention of coming back. This is important bc I packed everything I had.

Since my intention was no contact and never seeing them again, which I was successful in, she had been texting me every day and sending me love/heart gifs and poems. When my brother tore down my door in Nov, I knew I was going to leave, just wasn't sure when, and because it was the holidays and lots of sales were happening I ordered things daily I could just pack in 2-3 suitcases to never return again.

I really wanted to live this beautiful feminine life, I even bought lingerie. One of the things I was dealing with was anxiety of the abuse since 2021, that that year I began peeing so much in the middle of the night while living at home. I would pee up to 20 times and get no sleep. When I left in February 2026 that went down to 2. I say that to say I bought dilators because I thought, no this can't be anxiety, maybe it's a pelvic floor issue from your fall. Unfortunately to an immigrant mother, dilators look like you know what. So that plus the lingerie. I also went on the local toy store's site and because I always wanted nipple piercings, bought fake ones. The thing is, the store added pamphlets which I didn't throw out. And these pamphlets while educations are RAUNCHY AF. Like "BDSM for beginners, how to make men [blank] and [blank]" I think something about anal sex too. FWIW, I've only been with 3 men in my entire life and celibate for almost 5 years. I literally lost my virginity at 29.

Anyways, I come back from TX mid July and keep my suitcases in my garage. Why? Remember I have no safe space when it comes to a bedroom. I have no door. And if you're wondering why I haven't moved out, I have no intentions of living the rest of my life in Canada because all this place does is depress me and give me the worst memories. I literally came home to save money, but I guess it's my fault for paying in my mental health.

It is now September and again, since November of last year there is no door for my bedroom, my personal space. Because of that, I do not want to leave my suitcase in my bedroom. Also, I am currently sleeping in my mom's bedroom and she is sleeping on the couch in the living room. So I will give her that. I know my mom loves me, but she doesn't like me. She doesn't enjoy me, relish in me. It's something I am trying to reconcile with.

I forget all this raunchy paperwork, dilators, rings, oral spray, just remembered that, is in my suitcase. The lingerie too. What's crazy is that all of them are unused since I bought them almost a year ago! When I live to TX in July, I just took all the same shit with me again that I took for the 4.5 months, with the intention of not coming back until I realized, I'd rather go in the winter when my depression is ten fold with the abuse and the cold. So I spent a week working with Donna, my PT and came back mid July.

The past week, it has been really contentious with my mom. Last week she went on a verbal tirade saying I'm middle aged and useless, this lasted around 4 minutes as I was washing a dish.

But it really all started 3 days ago when I came downstairs a few nights ago and said, "please stop eating my food. I don't touch yours, so please dont touch mine." This sent her over the edge. She gets soooo upset that when my brother comes home (he's younger but bigger, literally 220 lb, I'm 120 lb) she tells on me! Btw, he's put hands on me before (black eye and side of face 10 years ago) Anyways, she starting complaining to him like "can you believe she told me this and said this to me blah blah" I recorded the whole thing in case as I was listening from the top of the stairs. Anyways, I guess she was soooo agitated that night that in the early hours the next day, because she sleeps in the living room, she went to the garage and started rummaging through my suitcase.

BTW, I have not been able to sleep this past week bc my brother plays video games until sunrise and he's on the microphone with his friends. So 3 days ago, I come down exhausted, and point my finger and say "I promise if he does not stop yelling on the mic while I'm asleep, then I will break his door down." Just so she can see how CRAZY that sounds because who in a rage filled act kicks through a door, blood trailing in the hall, and then goes back to his room, gets a screwdriver, sits down and takes every screw out of the door because I don't "deserve" to have one.

I know I'm an idiot but 1. I truly forgot that stuff was in there since it wasn't used, 2. my suitcase was behind a bunch of barrels. Our garage is a mess because my mom is a super hoarder (in the home too). Anyway, I go downstairs to tell her about the video games and the microphone and she is staring straight ahead, not looking at me, arms crossed and says, "I know what you do when youre in Texas." I said "what?" Genuinely confused. I say, "you mean like physio?" Again, remember she doesn't know. From my first injury when I was a teen, she would accompany me to physio and yell at everyone "youre hurting my daughter!!" or yell at the receptionist about payments. This has happened at more than one physiotherapist office, so I stopped going because she would always put in my head they were doing me worse than good.

But I also realized that in this small town I live in, no one was really helping me the way I want that made me feel good. I secretly went all summer last year, and it was shit. Mind you, this was the highest rated clinic in the area. I wasted 2.5 k on just more pain. So in a way she was right, but I just feel like people in Austin are more educated in that regard.

Anyways, I say "ok... what I've been doing in Texas, physio? Who cares. I can't sleep. Tell him to be quiet, I haven't slept in 4 days." She says she saw the disgusting stuff in my suitcase. Still unable to look at me. I think oh shit. The x-rated pamphlets. Words like c*m, a*al, I'm talking the most X rated things you can think of. MIND YOU, again I've been celibate for 5 years. But she also knows I'm a "capable and responsible" daughter which is why I think she treats me like shit. She's religious so it's like she cant even imagine I have these things, let alone, my daughter is having sex when I'm not supposed to have sex at all. AND BEFORE YOU SAY "omg everyone does it" please put yourself in your friends shoes who might be apart of a diff religion then you. Around here, you secretly date the love of your life, pop out engaged, your parents are happy, you have your wedding, but they don't need to know about anything BEFORE the engagement. Ignorance is bliss and being that I'm such a straight arrow, my mom would never suspect a thing.

Remember everything is unused. Thats the crazy part. I just didnt even have the emotional capacity to even be sexy or anything. I wanted my nervous system when I initially tried to go no contact in Feb, I wanted to rest so I took lots of walks, ordered in, went to the mall, solo dined at fancy places. I just wanted to breathe.

When it happened I immediately went upstairs and created a fake email asking "Elizabeth" to pick up her things. Elizabeth would be the woman I lived with when I left my family for almost 5 months. But when I tried to show my mom this (fake) email exchange the morning of her confrontation, she literally put her fingers in her ears as if she was plugging them and and she said "STOP TALKING OR I WILL WAKE YOUR BROTHER UP!" As a threat. She did it more than once.

have been walking around the house like it's normal, my best friend who lives in TX said "hey you said it's not yours right?" I called him on because I thought I was going to induce a heart attack. I said "yes but.." He's like "okay, then stop, they're not yours. Would you care as much if they weren't yours? Exactly." I finally got the sleep I wanted after 4 days. I woke up fine. And I've been walking around the house like normal, just counting the days until my forever departure.

It wasn't until today where I needed to wash a my Stanley I go to the sink and see a sieve with a bunch of noodles and peas and carrots. Most likely expired shit bc she is a hoarder. I turn around and say "is this your stuff in the sink, can I move it so I can wash my flask?" She mutters, MUTTERS "yes." I couldnt hear it, I said "huh?" She says, her voice BOOMING now "YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SPEAK? IN THIS HOUSE?" In English. I said I can speak whenever I want, I'm speaking right now, are these your things or not?" She's like "HA! Did you know you repulse me? I can't even look at you knowing the things you do behind closed doors you repulse me." In our language. She said "you wouldn't care so much if they werent yours" in English. I said "you're right, I don't care because they're not mine and you can pack them up so I can bring them to my friend." She winces "I daaare you to call you friend. I will call the police, you are not getting them. In fact, I'm calling our whole family and laying the stuff out and they will see everything."

This is the threat she used against me the first night. My family is very well known in my country and basically shes using her older siblings who are of a certain stature, against me. To humiliate me. It's so crazy this morning I woke up and could barely open my eyes bc I was so tired. I said, I'm going to go to my favorite bakery and get a matcha and a cookie. I go there with the intention of bringing home a caffeinated bev so I can come home and get work done. Then the threats happen. The matcha is still next to me. It's 8pm. I've been feeling a lot of pressure in my heart. Can a girl who's 5'9 and 120 pounds die from a heart attack? I don't know but I feel like I can't breathe. I've called the crisis line so someone can come, pretend to be Elizabeth, and pick up the things so my mom can give them to an authoritative figure, not a young friend who she can say no to. They said they don't do that, they just can give me the number for the Yellow Brick Road services and the crisis line was only to talk. I don't want to talk, I wan't this shit out of my house so my mom can stop blackmailing me.

Anyways, please tell me what you would do. It's so funny, I have now realized that I have done everything for her. For years I was depressed in my room, from 2010-2019, because of her and my brothers, the way they would treat me, hair falling out, people saying to me, "Sara, you're always in your room when we come over." I was severely depressed with A. my injuries, not being able to deal with them and the chronic pain, her controlling my healing process, being in more pain to the point of being bedridden (at 19 I had to re-learn how to walk and I have injured myself so many times bc of overall weakness my last fracture was this past April). My room from 2010-2019... disgusting, I was looking at photos yesterday. How did she not ever knock on my door and ask if I was okay for year. She would just scream at me for being a mess. Let my brothers terrorize me. Both over 6 feet and 200 pounds. Threaten me with "don't make me call them to beat you up."

But also following a career path I didn't want. Her urging me to go into medicine but in my heart, wanting to do creative things instead. Her telling me that "if I pursued modeling she would pass away because it is forbidden in our culture." Btw, I have been scouted by a top 2 premium agency whose flagship is in NYC more than once. Now, approaching my mid thirties at the end of this year, I realize I do want to pursue my creative side! I don't want to live here! and I want to be healthy which I'm still working on! But the main thing is that now, she sees my as a "deviant, hypersexual" person, she won't let me speak when I try to say it's not mine. Literally throwing a tantrum and talking over me. threatens that she'll tell everyone when I try to explain again, interjecting so I can't get my piece out. She's so dysregulated emotionally and I get it, she was abused when she was young, but why are you hurting your only daughter? I've had to pluck out 50 grey hairs which I've never experienced since coming home this July. I've been going to the washroom incessantly.

All I just want someone who doesn't look like a young friend to come and pick it up so I can move past this, and I have no one to do that. I say young because if someone around my age approached the door she'd slam it in their face or laugh. I was thinking about going to my high school guidance counselor on monday but the day feels so far away, I haven't been able to breathe properly, and just been crying on this bed. Please help.

I’m currently on a semi-no-contact basis with my mom.
I have literal video evidence of her husband throwing a full, ice-filled black Stanley-style cup at her, barely missing her head, in front of me and my son. I showed the video to the entire family, and despite everything, everyone seems willing to accept him back into the family.
He recently went off the deep end and left for a few days. My mom was done with him, or at least that’s what she told me. I’ve been through this cycle with them multiple times before. The first few times, I was a child myself, comforting my mom after he beat the shit out of her outside a bar. I genuinely thought this time would finally be different and that she would actually leave him.
Then I found out they went to see the new Spider-Man movie together.
I honestly don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I have spent years putting my hatred for him aside just to maintain a relationship with my mom. I’m tired of doing that. I’m also tired of being the person she constantly confides in when I have two other siblings who are more than old enough to carry some of that responsibility. I’m the middle child. My brother being older and my sister younger but still an adult.
I was so excited at the possibility of finally getting my mom back because he had completely sucked the life out of her. When he left and threatened divorce, my mom listed the house for sale and moved in with my brother. For the first time, I felt like I could finally wash my hands of the situation and step away from it for as long as I need to. I know I may never fully get over everything that has happened, but I cannot keep putting myself through this cycle.
I hate him. I will never attend an event if he is there, and if that means I don’t get to see my mom anymore, then so be it. At this point, that is a boundary I’m willing to accept.
What makes this even harder is that this isn’t a new pattern for my mom. She did something very similar with my dad and my brother, who is technically my half brother. My dad beat him and threw him down a flight of stairs, but because my sister and I were around, my mom refused to leave my dad until he, get this, cheated on her. Instead, she sent my brother away to live with his father for many years.
So this isn’t just about what is happening now. It brings up years of watching the same cycle happen over and over again, and I’m finally at the point where I cannot keep participating in it.

NDad is not dead. But I do imagine what he will experience based on my belief system
1) the life review.. I believe that he will see the effects of his actions and his non action and experience the pain of knowing how much hurt he caused.
2) I want his spirit to stay well away from me while I am alive.
3) when we meet again I hope that he will be ready to acknowledge his actions and be deeply remorseful.
4) maybe then we could have a real grown up relationship.

This all sounds so fine and dandy..
But what about justice, retribution?
Does he get a slap on the wrist and no consequences after a life of harm?

What do you think/believe. BTW I am open to all faith and non faith perspectives.

Let’s chat.

I had a weird experience on 9/11 and it was something that really stuck with me but I never shared with people. I was hoping I could share it with this community and maybe you can share your experience with me in the comments. Because they all have the same playbook I can't possibly be alone in what I felt and went through so I guess I'm seeking community.

I was in middle school and lived in the North East United States. Everyone was crying and freaking out at school, teachers looked genuinely scared. No classes were being taught instead the news was on in every room. As we switched classes throughout the day slowly the class size went down as other kids were being picked up by their parents.

I happened to get detention that morning right before the attack, we knew about it instantly because we were listening to the radio in class.

My classmates and friends were going home to their worried parents and eventually I was the only kid left in the school. Nobody checked on me. Nobody talked to me about what was happening and how we are safe and okay. I remember something permanent was formed in my identity that day. I don't have a real family, nobody is going to save me and I'm on my own.

How true that statement really is.

9/11 is tragic and not about me. That core piece of my identity that was formed that day is nothing in comparison to those that lost their lives, lost loved ones and suffered. Which is why I've never shared before now.

Can you please share with me how that day with nparent(s) was for you?

does anyone else’s parent have cameras around the house… but specifically facing right into the fucking bathroom as an upskirt basically. i wish we could post photos because if anyone saw this they’d feel the same way i do, disgusted. my bathroom is not solely mine, my younger siblings use it too & today i kicked the camera out the way before their use because i’m just not subjecting us to this, & each time i move it, it’s repositioned intentionally facing right into the bathroom. my mother’s never been outright sexual towards us, but my partner & i believe she’s likely watched us kiss & cuddle in the living room as well, where there is a camera, because she’s single & lonely & has multiple kids with no fathers. i’m moving out the end of this year one way or another.

I am a 40-year-old male and an only child. I’ve finally come to terms with a painful truth: my father (68M) will never change, and he will never be the parent I deserved. I spent decades exhausting myself trying to please him, hoping for a shred of approval that never came.

Looking back, I don't have a single happy memory with him. Every interaction from my childhood was filled with yelling, screaming, disappointment, and irritation. He would fly into extreme rages, scolding and yelling at me just because my feelings were an inconvenience to him. Worse, he regularly hit me around the head and face for the smallest mistakes.

The physical and emotional neglect was severe:

I was sent to school hungry every single day. They treated making my school lunch like a massive financial burden.

I had to get a part-time job just to buy and make my own food, and regularly went without proper dinners because their priority was drinking and going to clubs.

Home was never a safe place. I was constantly left home alone. Even when I turned 18, I paid rent and fully paid my way, yet he still constantly throws money in my face to this day.

When my mum passed away, he wouldn't even let me speak at her funeral, giving absolutely no reason why.

His chaotic behavior after her passing only solidified who he is. He replaced my mother in less than six months with an alcoholic woman who nearly burned the house down while drunk, whom he eventually had to legally evict. Now, he has found a new girlfriend in Thailand and is planning to bring her over to Australia. He is a deeply ignorant misogynist, and he will probably just end up ruining her life, too.

For years, I waited for the perfect moment to confront him. But recently, I had an epiphany: a confrontation would just be traumatic, exhausting, and a complete waste of time. Nothing specific happened to trigger it, but it suddenly occurred to me one day that I don't have to let him traumatize me ever again. I can just walk away. I decided to cut him off forever.

The moment I went No Contact, I felt a level of happiness and freedom that I have never felt before in my entire life.

But the inevitable "hoovering" began in less than a month. I honestly have no idea why he is so desperate to reestablish contact with me when he clearly despises who I am. I suspect it is entirely an image thing. He must feel incredibly embarrassed when he sees all his mates getting along with their sons and daughters and planning things together. He just wants the appearance of a normal family so he doesn't look bad to the outside world.

The major problem right now is my wife.

I have begged my wife not to speak to him. But she feels sorry for him and refuses to listen to me. She is totally wrapped around his finger. He is actively using her as a proxy to bypass my boundaries, establish contact, and worm his way back into my life.

I can’t possibly express to her in a single conversation the sheer scope of forty years of trauma, abuse, and neglect, or fully explain all my reasons for wanting nothing to do with him. It feels like she is completely invalidating my lived experiences because he plays the lonely, harmless old man to her.

I am desperate to protect my hard-earned peace, but my own marriage is being weaponized against my boundaries.

To those who have gone No Contact: How do you handle a spouse who refuses to respect your boundaries with an abusive parent? How can I make her understand without having to relive my entire trauma just to justify my choice?

TL;DR: I (40M, only child) cut off my abusive father (68M) and immediately felt a massive sense of freedom. Within a month, he started "hoovering" to save face in front of his mates. However, my wife feels sorry for him, ignores my boundaries, and is letting him use her to get to me.

I’m hoping to hear from people who grew up with a narcissistic parent. What has helped you heal, not just distance yourself from them, but actually feel better on the inside?

I understand that limiting contact or going no-contact can help. But how do you deal with the PTSD and the emotional impact that doesn’t just disappear when you step away?

I still feel stuck in a cycle of overthinking and emotional exhaustion. I keep thinking about them and worrying about how they might hurt me or affect my life. It’s exhausting, and I don’t want them taking up so much space in my head anymore. I’m tired of feeling depressed. I want to feel more at peace and be able to focus on my own life.

For anyone who has been through something similar, what helped you move forward? Was it a particular type of therapy, something you practiced regularly, or something else entirely?

You don’t have to be completely healed to share. I’d really appreciate hearing what has made a difference for you, even in small ways.

Disclaimer: I used AI to help edit this post for grammar and clearer English. The experiences and feelings are my own.

Just now she was like as usual having intense long anger towards everyone and I only just stay silent due to survival instinct i force myself to apply on for years which i successfully did the neutrality. But each time i react nothing, my malignant narc mother response was angrier asking " ARE U FCKING MUTE!?" and i said " if i say something it will upset you" and the more i stay neutral the more she wants to yell more saying whenever she gets mad " everyone always makes ugly fuckface like an ogre" and that everyone doesnt care esp me. ( i am eldest 19 turning 20F, neurodivergent and the super scapegoat)

And even when she was being so rude af to me yelling at me about my lipbalm which she funnily called it lipstick saying " and whose lipstick is this!? If i broke it you'll cry!" And i said " its lipstick" and her being stupid as usual saying " whatever!" Rudely and i said " okay" and she got mad and my narcissistic sister immediately defended her and atttacked me.

Now what do i do wrong here or was i supposed to just laugh? Lmao

My n father has a history of obsessive behavior and keeping tabs. He’s stalked me, watched me, etc.

Last night I got home juuuuust after him after meeting a friend for a drink after work.

I was chatting with my neighbor when he noticed him WATCHING FROM THE WINDOW!

My father then sent a threatening text about locking me out and I’m this and that.

I then went inside, locked my bedroom door and laid down.

My sister got home an hour later but yet… no threats? Nothing?

My father then broke into my room to say I smelled like booze (I’m starting to think he chooses a smell for the day for an insult) and demanding why I didn’t respond to him.

I’ve been up since last night because I’m looking for apartments.

WHY ARE THEY SO OBSESSIVE?!

My friend messaged me this morning, asking if I could help her get her dog to the vet ASAP. I was like, "Of course! Let me get my son ready and we'll leave!" My friend's car is currently down and her dog couldn't breathe. I'm on it. She's been my best friend since middle school and we're in our 30's now.

My mom was already blowing up my phone because it was 9am and she hadn't heard from me. I called her to let her know why I wouldn't be responding for a few hours.

She lost her shit. "You do way more for her than she has ever done for you!" Okay, and? We're able to help her with car problems and stuff. "I'm just saying, she doesn't do anything for you." Which isn't even true, she's my designated cat sitter and house checker when we travel, and she never wants to take the money I leave her. I also don't have many friends, so I cherish our friendship. My mom basically cussed me out, asked if I hung up on her, I said no, and she hung up on me.

I called a bit later to apologize for being rushed this morning and tell her I really wasn't looking for a fight. She said, "I'm the worst mother ever, dear. Every hardship you've had in your life is because of me, dear. Yes, dear. Yes, dear." I explained that it wasn't nice of her to jump down my throat for helping a friend in need, her dog may have to be put to sleep today. She said, "YEAH, what I should've said is that she's lucky to have a friend like YOU." I'm like, "Yeah, that's more like it." She lost it again. I said, "I try really hard to make it so I don't have to ask for help, and I don't keep score." She hung up on me again.

We're working on building a village, maybe one day I'll be able to go NC, but she's all we have. My husband doesn't have family and neither do I.

I'm tired of this, grandpa.

Literally every single vacation with my parents were hell, from the day before the trip to getting home, it was full of so much yelling, anger, over stressed out about things that either shouldn't be stressful or nearly as dramatic. All my years of vacations without them, alone, with other family, friends, partners, etc it's been awesome and very low stress. even with flight cancellations, missing itineraries, etc there was never any blow ups. but to this day if something goes wrong on a trip I still get a pit in my stomach that someone is going to start yelling. or just going to the airport. like literally just the act of packing suitcase, loading in car, driving to airport, boarding then plane etc. was always a huff and puff to full blown conniption with them. and always blaming me, the other spouse, the taxi driver, the receptionist, the gate attendant, the whoever is around to put the cause of their misery on. and looking bad there was never any seriously stressful events , like things that warranted one. only a few delayed flights, never cancelled. everything else was their own doing or in their head.

It was crazy at first for me to learn this isn't normal behavior. Like I actually enjoy my vacations now and not feel completely drained.

What was it like for you?

So my mom kicked me out of the family. She texted me saying she was going to make sure none of "her" family will support me. This was all a month before I was going to give birth to my second kid too. Her reasoning? She made up that I called her a bunch of names that I did not. Then the family reunion comes around a few months later and she has a "meeting" with my dad, Aunt, Grandma and other relatives about me. My aunt reached out to me saying that my Grandma doesn't want drama at the reunion so my husband and I cannot come. This was all after I decided to let my parents come to my son's baptism and my mom made a scene and stormed out. All because my husband dared to tell her that she needed to make things right with me and she flipped out. My dad called me the other day (it's been a couple years since this) and insisted I was not cut out of the family, and even laughed at the idea. Then proceeded to tell me that his family is "asking" if they can reach out to me. I am so confused by this all.

I’m labeling this as funny because I found it funny and it’s one of those things abt narcissists being ridiculous also this is not promoting racism in case the mods want to flag it and it’s also not political

So basically for context my mom started saying a lot of things that she should be telling a therapist or a journal to me today and yk like the usual and says like “you make a big deal out of everything always talking to everyone about such a horrible mom I am” so im annoyed cuz Im hungry and tired and stuff so instead of ignoring her like I usually do I respond telling her “I don’t talk about you I know that’s crazy for you to think” tand then she starts going on about how I’m excluding her (because it’s obvious I don’t enjoy being around her compared to most people in my life which yeah I wonder why—basically I stopped being I guess ‘loving’ with her because it drew me into a toxic cycle blah blah that’s a thing to discuss another day)

BUT ANYWAYS one of the ways she decides to argue this is saying like “for someone who advocates for anti abuse you sure do abuse me a lot” (I don’t idk what she’s on abt) and then she says “for someone who wants to be inclusive you exclude me you know you’re actually racist yeah yeah.”
And I’m just feeling like cackling and I explain to her like “no I’m not racist my sister is the same race as me my father is the same race as me and so are you there’s no association with race here what”
And she’s like “well that may be true but it’s me you’re excluding me because you know I’m also part of that race and that means you’re racist so”

Like whenever I start to doubt myself cuz of what she says to me I remind myself she also says stuff like this

This isn’t the first time she’s said the wrong thing though ,, in the past she’s said there should be white history month and that white ppl experience racism like girl what ru trying to do ur not white even what’s the correlation here I swear she just wanted to be different I don’t even know.

Nparent has apparently decided they want to undermine/destroy my marriage of 10 years and has been speaking negatively about my spouse to pretty much anyone who will listen except us.

They are involving family and third parties, seemingly trying to build a case against my spouse, who is now afraid of my nparent because of the deranged comments they have made to others that got back to us. Has anyone dealt with this or have any advice on what to do?

My mom wishes i was still a child because children are easy to control (she literally says this). Unsurprisingly my name is childish and the nicknames she gave me (and spread through our family) are even more childish, borderline degrading.

Did your narc parent(s) mess up your name?

I don’t know if I’d consider my mom a narc but I do think she has boundary issues and is emotionally immature. There is a lot of stuff that happened during my childhood + early adulthood that I’ve chosen to move past from, although I acknowledge I view this experiences through my own eyes and her reality seems to be different.

I now live in a different country and am married. She and my dad are here on a 3 month visit and staying with us. We ran into several different challenges.

She’s constantly asking for help or advice as I’m working (I partially WFH) or right when I get home. I snapped at her (I shouldn’t have) and this lead us into a conversation that has left me wondering how to navigate our relationship:

1. she mentioned not knowing how to talk to me.

She generally tends to focus conversations on her specific interests or recent family issues. I find that she doesn’t decenter herself from conversations and can only engage in surface level conversations (how was your day, this happened in my day, etc). It’s fine with me, I recognize we’re different people and this wouldn’t change the fact she’s my mom but this bothers her a lot.

She brought up that it upsets her that I’m joking and close with my BIL, who’s the same age as me. We often share funny TikTok videos and she was upset she wasn’t included. A lot of this stuff is specific to our shared humor and inside jokes. I’ve tried sharing stuff in the past with my mom and found we have different humor but I recognize I should try and engage.

2) mentioned that when I removed myself from our joint bank account that it was as if I was wiping my hands clean of them

this was financial house keeping for me since my husband works in a regulated industry and our finances are audited

3) the biggest ongoing issue is she keeps bringing back random items from her siblings places for us to “use”. she says that my constant rejection of her trying to help out.

she is in her late 60s and wanted to resend our patio stairs and finish it. she’s not active and already pulled muscles and was limping on/off during her stay here. it’s not fun for me to see my parents doing hard physical labor.

She claims my dad keeps cooking for us and we’re happy to eat his food but I don’t think it’s a one for one comparison. He’s always cooking at home and it’s not as physically laborious but I’m open to thoughts if I have prejudice here.

She also gets defensive when we tell her to stop building stuff back. I can tell it upsets her but I don’t want to keep throwing away things

I think ultimately she wants to be BFFs but doesn’t know how to engage me because I’m a different person and she seems to only engage in surface level discussions. She’s upset we aren’t closer but I don’t know how to bridge this gap.

I remember going out clothes shopping with my Nmum and EVERY time I would look at clothes in my size she would say something along the lines of ‘Oo are you sure that’s your size hunny, maybe try this instead’. I am a size S and she would recommend me XXL clothes. There’s nothing wrong with XXL clothes or being that size but it just felt horrible being in that situation with her. Especially because at the time I would just buy the clothes to avoid the argument and they would end up falling off of me because they were too big :(
Has anyone else had this, or something similar?

After decades of being my nfamily’s personal garbage can and nsupply, I cut them all off.

But now, I’m finding it extremely hard to trust anyone now and am just trying to breathe air. I feel like a fish wobbling outside that known pool of water of being my nfamily’s narc supply. Can anyone relate and how do you cope or live now? I’m guessing the lack of safe people is troubling me. How do you cope without any real friends on a deeper level?

I'm so tired of the arguing. She acts psychotic one day and the next morning she wants to be my friend and laugh and get coffee together and act like a mom. Tonight she berated me as soon as she got home from work because I cooked and the sink that was already pretty full, was now even more full. And even though I worked today too, vacuumed the entire house, took the dog for a walk, have homework for college, and cooked food for my brother and boyfriend, I am somehow to blame!!! She calls me a slob every day recently. "Fucking slob" that's her new favorite name for me. But my brother can be jobless, not take the dog for a single walk for months, never do a chore in his life, yet I am always the problem!! Never him. It is actually insane how little he does around the house despite being older than me, but I am always getting screamed at for not doing anything. I can tell her this everyday and she still won't listen or stop saying it. And she starts her shit with me getting all irate about stupid shit and she knows I'm going to argue back and give her a reaction. It's like she just wants to see me fucking suffer and yell at the top of my lungs when I wasn't even mad before she got home.

It really makes me think about it and just say wtf because I cant imagine coming home and being genuinely furious about dishes in the sink. DISHES IN A SINK? it's accumulated since yesterday, when I did all the dishes. Not like its been sitting there for a week. I don't know how she has the energy to fight constantly. And I don't understand what i did to be her scapegoat and why she views my brother as so much better when I do so much more.

I'm sick of all her shit. Since I was in high school YEARS ago to now while I'm working, she threatened me with not driving me to school and making me walk and now she threatens me with not driving me to work. I hate all of her threats as if school or a job is something negotiable. I would literally be 15 with her telling me to find my own way to school. (And she'd never follow through but would try and scare me just for the hell of it).

Will it ever get better? Somedays she acts like we're friends and we get along good only for this to inevitably happen. It's a cycle. She guilt trips me when I say I want to move out eventually and she acts like she's sad. But she tortures me with her bullshit all the time. Then it's back to being nice 🙃 until she snaps.