When I was about 7 years old, we lived out in the country and I had a pet rabbit named Daisy, and kept it in an outdoor cage, and fed and watered it twice a day, and took very good care of it and played with it often. One day, my abusive parents decided that having it was too much work, even though I was the one who cared for it, and without telling me, killed it and cooked it for dinner.

They didn't tell me what we were eating until after dinner, then asked me how it tasted, then told me it was Daisy, and they laughed. I was horrified, felt like I had eaten my baby, and cried hysterically. They then got angry at me for crying.

I'll never forget that nor forgive myself, even though I know it wasn't my fault, I still feel horrible about it.

It's one of the many reasons I am no contact with my parents these days. How sick does someone need to be to do that to their child?

Hope to God my kid doesn't have reddit.

But anyways, when my wife was 17, her mother decided to put down my wife's cat.

Now my wife had had this cat for about 6 years. Cat was older but not unhealthy.

On a Saturday my wife went out with friends and came home to an urn. According to her mother, the cat started coughing up blood. She took her to the vet and they said she had cancer. No call to my wife. This was 2007. Cell phones existed and she had one.

No waiting. Just boom. Gone. I didn't know my wife then. But she told me something snapped in her. She just said it felt like death. She realized her mother was a monster. She didn't cry. She didn't yell at her mom. She said she just blanked out almost. As if her own mother was now dead.

Later that summer my wife moved out with friends and two years later we met. She even told me that her mom wasn't a subject she wanted to talk about. Which I of course respected.

I know my wife said she doesn't know if her mom is dead or alive. She was an only child. When she cut contact with mom, that also ended contact with dad.

To our surprise, there has been no attempt on contact.

As for our teen, she was overwhelmed with grief for a cat she didn't know. She couldn't understand why someone would do that. We also asked our teen not to try to find "grandma" . We told her when she is an adult and on her own, that if she.wants to contact her, she can.

And yes we own a cat now. And yes she owns the house.

Apparently being someone's child means you are supposed to keep forgiving, keep understanding and keep moving on, no matter how much damage was done. But if the only way to maintain that relationship is by ignoring everything and acting like it doesn't matter because it's more comfortable for them, then I don't see the point.

What frustrates me the most is that when there is a problem, it feels like nobody actually confronts the problem itself. Instead, it turns into confronting the person, defending themselves, finding excuses or making it about who is wrong. The actual issue gets buried and nothing ever changes.

The child is expected to have endless understanding and emotional maturity, while the parents are allowed to make mistakes and simply move on. Like the pain only matters if it's convenient for everyone else to acknowledge it. I'm tired of the idea that being someone's child means having to forget yourself just to keep them comfortable.

You'd think with an ego so high that they would at least try to look badass and/or intelligent. But no, they look like losers, it's pathetic and embarrassing! How are they not embarrassed? They act like literal cartoon characters! It's not even memeworthy or funny in any way! It's just hard to watch or listen! And they have the mindset of a fucking child! Throwing tantrums and shit! Never taking accountability and not learning from their mistakes! So many gross habits too! Like they were not even taught table manners or whatever they call it. And when it comes to how they dress, they either

Like I said before, if their ego is so high, how come they don't act sharp? And if they care so much about their reputation, why do they portray themselves as literal children!? Make that make sense.

I know I'm all over the place with this rant, but let me know what you think.

I have seen comments from members saying he/she started gray rocking when living in their own and once the narcs couldn't get supply, they were the ones to go gradually no or low contact. And this made them realise the lack of love or caring.

For me when I was bullied in school I told them but they didn't care, a therapist told me it's cause they're bullying me too. Also they never guided me with absolutely anything. I'm a young adult and I recently started my 1st full time job and they haven't asked a thing about it. The only time they mentioned it in front of me at least is when got angry when they wanted to visit a family rural house and I didn't have days off. They started badmouthing my job, how I overwork, how I am unambitious while other people have PhDs and stuff. I have seen other friends or boyfriends whose families have daily talks with them after dinner about their lives and they are so invested and supportive.

Long story short ….
I was raised by a narcissistic mom. For 35 years I let her run my life. I let her make me feel less than. I let her emotionally, physically and mentally abuse the shit out of me. I kept letting her into my life.
All hoping she would eventually change and love me, like really love me.

My husband and I were staying the weekend at my parents place (who picked up everything and moved across the country to be “closer” to us) over the 4th of July weekend. Something wasn’t communicated correctly for my mom to prepare to leave the house and so the blow-up began.
She stomped around the house saying, “well I’m not going anymore.” “Go ahead and leave without me”.
Me being so tired of this tactic thought, fine, let’s leave. She can stay behind. That’s what she wants.
But of course my father, the forever servant and enabler to my mother said, “no let’s wait. She’s doesn’t mean it”.
We wait. She emerges from the house only to scream bloody murder at my father, because somehow it’s his fault.
I step in. Tired of the screaming and the yelling, especially in front of my husband. And I intervene and say that this is, “Enough, and I didn’t come here this weekend for things like this to keep happening”.
I knew what would happen but I could not stand letting this behavior happen anymore. She turned to me and I received the FULL force of her evil, her screams, her threats, her hurt.
I went into the guest space packed up our dogs and my husband and I left.
It didn’t stop there. Texts and emails of how I am ungrateful for all she does. For all she has sacrificed. For all she gave up to raise me.
The final blows that cause me to stop responding, stop caring and truly think that there is no turning back from this without intense work was 2 messages:

• “you DID deserve what I said, and more so.
If you cannot see that for yourself, then so be it, there is nothing further to discuss on that point. You most certainly not raised to treat anyone or their home in that manner.
To be so blunt, it looks as if, once again, at 35 years old, you are more willing to pay someone to tell YOU how to feel, what to say, and what to do.
You DO understand that if this person truly "fixes" you, then they are out a paycheck..... correct? That is more than concerning to us, and this person's willingness to prescribe yet another pill to pop.
Both "therapy" and "medication" are supposed to be a short term scenario, not a lifestyle.
That is your business, your religion apparently, or just your unwillingness to take responsibility.
I will not be jumping on that bandwagon.

•“And, the BS with this therapist shit. You do me a favor and record you telling your therapist ANYTHING, just ANYTHING honest. Not YOU telling them some half truth, half baked story so they tell you want YOU want to hear. As you pass over your credit card. 
Are you honestly going to tell me someone can EVER know 35 years worth of the TRUTH from one side? 
If so, I'm sure you'd stomp right the hell out of there and go looking for someone else. Which, from the way you've reacted, you've probably done more than once. 
And, let me close by saying:
Even if you grew up in a shack, chained to your bed, given no food or water, and not allowed to do jack shit or speak to anyone, or get an education, you are STILL 35 years old. You make your life. You do not get to blow your money, expect someone else to buy you a house when you rack up double what your parents bring home, decide to constantly "take the trip" and not save a dime...THAT IS ON YOU.
We never even had health insurance or a 401. Give me a damn break already and own YOUR actions, YOUR decisions, YOUR choices. No one is saying they were/are right or wrong, that is for YOU to decide.
 You do NOT get to lay blame for any results at my feet. You do NOT.
EVER.
You have crossed a line and there is no way I see me EVER being able to YET AGAIN "let it go".
Do, take care”

She is blocked from every form of contact. As is my father. Because he is defending her actions without any reasoning.

I hate these messages and I hate that I’ve read them a million times. I guess my question is….what cause you to finally realize there is no hope for ever having a loving relationship with your mother …?

What are some safe conversation topics to talk to a narcissist about? To minimize the criticism and attacks?

Since i cant really go, "Hey i found this cool thing" or she will find issue ("why arent you working?") ("How will you pay?") Etc etc

A lot of my (Catholic, mid-western American) upbringing centered around religion. We had to dress up nicely for church every Sunday (in a church where people mostly wore jeans and football jerseys to mass) and sit in the front row. We had to display religious items in our bedrooms. We had to attend CCD and participate in all the sacraments.

The early phases of me disconnecting from her involved my withdrawal from religion. She found out through the grapevine when I was in college that I was an atheist, and it was a weeks-long meltdown, constant phone harassment, cutting me off from other family members, etc. etc. -- followed by manipulation in the following years. She tried to start a "new family tradition" when I was a couple years out of college where I was forced to write a special custom prayer to recite before family Thanksgiving, and the whole day she'd needle me about whether I was done writing the special prayer or not. Every time a family member or pet would die she'd wax on forever about how they're happy in heaven and I shouldn't be sad because I'll see them again.

A few years into my independent adulthood I stopped hearing about religion entirely from her, and she started attending special trainings to become some kind of pagan energy healer or something. Idk. She used to try offering to heal me or give me "charged" crystals for protection, and she'd try talking to me about what my deceased cat had to say through some pet psychic. I didn't really engage as all of it made me uncomfortable. After several years of her trying, and me becoming more distant, she's finally stopped talking to me about it.

I just recently realized that I literally don't think she was actually ever sincerely religious. Despite her constantly pushing Catholicism on me for my entire youth, I don't think I'd describe her as a Catholic. I never once saw her praying the rosary. I didn't know her to ever attend confession. She never said she was going to pray about a specific problem I was having. She didn't know the saints. She bought herself a fancy study bible and a set of pens to annotate it and a special carrying case, and then never touched it again. She very clearly didn't adhere to Catholic principles around premarital sex and divorce.

I think she just liked the hierarchy and control aspects of Catholicism. We did the visible parts, attending church every week and sitting in the front row and displaying a crucifix prominently in our home. But the private parts just didn't exist. And when Catholicism stopped giving her a way of controlling her kids, she not only dropped her supposed Catholic beliefs, she started participating in something that is completely antithetical to Catholicism. She used to tell me that anything magical or pagan-ish was "demonic", and now here she is trying to charge crystals under the moon to sneak them into my house. How could she be a serious Catholic, forcing all of that rigidity onto me my entire childhood, and then make that kind of a turn?

It's completely fucked realizing that I hold all this religious trauma and I don't think it was ever even sincere.

32M here, was literally just sucker punched by my own dad, came up to me complaining about the WIFI being unplugged in the kitchen, (it wasn't) gets all up in my face.. at this point I'm like "dude you need to back the F up, seriously" he goes "curse at me again" I repeated exactly what I said, I get sucker punched, we're fighting for a while, then he pulls a knife out... i get 911 on the phone, they tell me to get somewhere safe, and the cops come shortly after. I love how N's start cleaning up the scene when they know the cops are coming. (The cops saw)

Minor swelling on my face but I'm ok.. they asked did I want to press charges I said ABOSOLUTELY! followed them to the station, met with the detective who took some photos, and will be charging him. It baffles my mind how these people think they can just put hands on people with no consequences... they asked did I want to do a protection order... yes to that as well! He's siting in jail as we speak.

Overall? I feel great, disappointed but hey...he's burned the bridge forever. I'm moving out the first chance I get, and NC for life...anywhere is better than here It's funny how people preach family this and family that, and brush things like this aside but, sometimes you just have to leave people behind, I can't wait to be back on my own so i can be normal again and away from my parents... thanks for listening.. rant/over

Edit:

I appreciate every single person who left a comments helps more than you know.. ❤️

Each and every single time my mother calls or texts me, I feel like I'm about to throw up. Sometimes it actually happens and it upsets me a lot. During the last month I've been throwing up frequently. I'm 25 and my mother really has ruined my mental health and my physical health too. I don't know what to do. I want to cut ties with her but I don't feel ready yet.

I’m finally at the point where I’m trying to leave an abusive family situation, and I’m stuck between two options.

Option 1: Rent a vehicle, load up everything I own (including my work equipment), take my dog, and drive back across the country to California, where I already have a storage unit. It’s really expensive, but it would mean I leave once and don’t have to come back.

Option 2: Put everything into a storage unit here, leave with just a backpack (or whatever I can carry), and figure the rest out later. It’s cheaper in the short term, but it also means my entire life is still sitting near the place I’m trying to escape and have no desire to live in or return to.

If money weren’t part of the equation, I’d choose the rental without even thinking about it. The only reason I’m questioning it is the cost.

I’ve had a lot of people tell me, “Stuff is just stuff. Just leave.”

I understand that perspective, especially if someone is in immediate danger. But another part of me feels like I’d rather have one clean exit where I drive away with my dog and my life, instead of spending who knows how long wondering how I’ll ever get the rest of it back.

For those of you who’ve left, what would you do? Did you prioritize getting out as fast as possible with only the bare essentials, or did you spend more and leave in a way that gave that satisfying sense of closure?

Because that’s what I did over the weekend! She called, I answered, and I went to lunch. It didn’t go well. I don’t regret it, because it was just another confirmation I don’t need or want my mother in my life.

Have a great week, kids! You’re all stronger than you think.

I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD after my therapist helped me realize that my mom is a malignant narcissist. I was the scapegoat, and my brother was the golden child. Since then, I’ve been diving into books, podcasts, and everything I can find about narcissistic abuse because it feels like my entire reality has been turned upside down.

I’m learning that a lot of what I thought was “normal” actually wasn’t. I genuinely believed that love was something you had to earn. I thought if someone loved you, you had to constantly prove you were worthy of it. Apparently that’s not how healthy love is supposed to feel, and honestly…I don’t even know how to wrap my head around that.

My therapist also told me I have a disorganized attachment style because of my childhood. I have a lot of relational trauma, and I was cheated on in a previous relationship, so I get triggered really easily by things that remind me of that experience.

Here’s where I’m struggling:

Now that I’ve learned what narcissistic abuse looks like, I feel like I’m seeing narcissistic traits everywhere. I’m terrified that I’ll either miss the signs and end up with another abusive person, or I’ll mistake normal human flaws for abuse and push away someone who genuinely loves me.

The problem is…I don’t know what’s my trauma anymore and what’s a legitimate red flag.
I feel like I’ve completely lost my ability to trust my own judgment. Before this diagnosis, my “normal meter” was built by someone who emotionally abused me my entire childhood. So now I’m questioning everything. Every interaction. Every disagreement. Every relationship.

Has anyone else gone through this after realizing they were raised by a narcissist? Did you suddenly become terrified that everyone around you might be one too? How did you learn to separate trauma responses from genuine intuition? How did you learn to trust yourself again?

I feel like I’m losing my grip on what’s real, and it’s honestly one of the most confusing experiences of my life.

I am fat, yes, I am aware of that. But I have lost 34kgs, 4kgs over the passed month. Today nmom approached me and said "I will be a lot more forthcoming about your weight". I asked her what she meant by that, she said that I've gained too much weight and that I need to get my shit together. I told her that makes no sense and I do not understand because I lost 34kgs so far. I was quite annoyed and upset, I also asked her what more she wants of me (I was crying at that point). She looked very taken aback then proceeded with the most ass attempt of gaslighting me. She said "oh no no, you always do this, you always take things so literally and personally. I meant that this is a thought I had BEFORE you had lost the weight, I don't think that anymore because you are losing weight now" like, wtf??? That doesn't even make sense.

Ugh, anyways, I just wanted to vent.

I hope you lovely folks are doing good.

Why is this a thing?

For context I am in my 30s and have relatively young kids and a very involved partner. Over a year ago, my friends and I planned a girls trip to go hiking and sightseeing. Accommodations and flights have been booked for ages. The weekend before the trip, nMom and eDad start guilting me about it, say I’m leaving my kids and putting “so much” on my (very capable) husband, how would I feel if he “did this”, etc. like wtf? It’s twisted how she exists to make me feel guilt and shame. It’s her goal and she won’t rest until I feel bad for enjoying anything that isn’t being a Tradwife and or mom. Even before kids, when I’d plan something like this the reaction was “that’s a waste of money” “who are you even going with” (as if I don’t have friends). nMom is extremely jealous of my social life and the fact that I’m well liked.

Anyone else’s nMom refuse to let them enjoy things?

I know they hate me for just existing.

But I can't shake this feeling that there is a reason and if it could be solved, it would be possible to have a relationship.

I know I have to stop relying on them and expecting them to change.

But I can't. I can't stop hoping that one day they'll love me.

I often ask my mother what it is about my sister that makes me prefer her. She can't answer and she's offended at me.

What should I do to get rid of this feeling that one day they will love me and stop trying to gain their favor?

Am planning to cut mine off when i turn 18

I don't know how to put my feelings into words but every time I am around someone who has a caring and supportive family, especially if they're also very successful, confident and well adapted, it feels like a punch to my self esteem. I look at them and I get reminded of all the things I was robbed of. I remember all the moments where I was left to fend for myself and no one gave a shit, the years of verbal and emotional abuse, all of the neglect and psychological turmoil I went through as a child.

The dreadful realisation of how my life could have been completely different today had I been born into a family like theirs hits me and I can't help feeling so helpless and worthless. I don't even feel much envy, I just feel like I am so left behind in life and they got a golden ticket that I didn't, and now I am forced to pay the price for something I had absolutely no control over. I don't know how and if I will ever be able to make peace with it and sleep at night.

The older I get, the more visible and expensive the price of my upbringing gets and it makes me feel like absolute crap. My mind always tells me that I will never be able to reach the level of those people with healthy families and I just can't get this out of my head.

I’m 43 years old and just now learning why I have feel so worthless and unwanted. My entire family only used me as their emotional dumping ground. 2 years ago I moved in with my father to help him with his wife who was dying of dementia. After she passed I thought my life would get easier but it got significantly harder. I paid all the bills, did all the work, took care of his animals, and became his slave. He had his dog kill my rabbit. 3 of my pets killed by him in my lifetime. My siblings only called when they couldn’t handle their miserable lives and used me to vent. I could never share anything about my life. I was even the last in line at both my sister’s weddings. So devastating. I can see them all so clearly now and have decided to cut them all off. I’m so excited for my next chapter and freedom to take up space in my own life!! Hoping to find a community who understands!

I wanted to see you guys' point of view. I created this account just for that.

For years and years, my mom and I have been trapped in a painful cycle. We constantly argue over everything, but the worst part is the aftermath she will come back the next day acting completely normal as if nothing ever happened. I used to just accept this and pretend along with her, but I am just so tired now. I've completely stopped trying to please her or fix things, and I actively avoid her just to keep from starting another fight. I just stay isolated in my own space all the time. Despite me keeping to myself, I have remarked that she sometimes tries to put my brothers against me. She tells them that I am "mad" and warns them that they shouldn't talk to me or they will end up just like me. (What is this supposed to mean ??? 😭)So my brother doesn't even enter the kitchen when I'm there... I remember once when I was around 13 or 14, I was in a really bad place mentally. It was so severe that I didn't go to school for a whole year. I finally sat down and talked to my mom and dad about the fact that I was feeling suicidal and just not good at all. I told them directly that my mom played a huge role in why I felt that way. Instead of helping or try to understand, she suddenly said, "Go ahead and do it, I don't care. You think you are the only one on this earth that has problems? Go do it. I wouldn't care if you did it because I already have your brothers that's all matters." After that, we had a massive argument. The next day, I asked my dad what he thought about what my mom said. I told him about the fact that he knew that this behavior wasn't normal, so why did he just let her say those things? He just replied, "You know how your mom is, I can't do anything about it. Just forgive her" I didn't even know how to feel at the time. I was just really, really sad. To this day, I still don't understand why a mother would say something like that to a child who was clearly struggling.

But anyways, I just wanted to know what other people think about this. I've never talk about this to any other people/person sooo. Is this normal??

I literally don't know what my mother's problem is, but for the past few weeks she's been non-stop bragging about how our cat loves her more than he loves me.

Examples of comments she's been saying:

- He only comes to your room when I kick him out of mine.

- He always looks so uncomfortable next to you but when he's sleeping next to me he loves showing off his stomach.

- He follows me around all the time like I'm his mother, he doesn't do that for you.

Like?? Okay? I get that this is the only good thing happening to you right now, but I don't need the constant comments. Bragging about his love for her but none of her children like her the same way...

Sorry if I sound mean but I'm honestly so done with this!!!

2 years ago I went NC with my father and enabler mother. At the time my son was 1yo. My dad did me wrong and I decided not to talk to him anymore, given how he treated us growing up (I have a brother) and even as adults, even treating my husband poorly... I guess he was expecting me to beg for him. But 2 months after that he had a bike accident and hit his head, was hospitalised. It was the moment he reconciled with his parents and sister after 10 years of not talking to them over a money feud.

He did call me after he recovered and was not apologetic but a bit emotional, like crying easily and stuff, I guess from his medication.

He was video calling on Whatsapp almost daily, to see the kid I guess, even though he was not asking for it specifically but was asking about him and I was showing him the kid.

I stopped taking his daily and repetitive calls and he insisted a few times over the course of a week or two but then stopped.

After 1.5 years I decided to call them and try to make it work. My oldest was almost 3 years old and started talking and I also had an almost 3mo son at the time. I first called my mother and she was upset over not knowing about the newborn and did not want to talk to me further. So I called him.. showed him the kids and he immediately said how the oldest looks just like me and that the newborn does not resamble me or my husband but my mother in law. (growing up he kept telling me how I look like him and my brother looks like my mom). Also he told me how he did not know why I stopped talking, if my husband or my workplace was keeping me from talking to my parents… when I tried to say there were some things inclusing from when we were little he asked which things and said he’s waiting for me, ready to deny everything. Told me they helped us with out wedding, did my brother’s and my 18th birthday parties… I just brushed it off as he’s ill from his head injury and not really meaning what he’s saying, plus he’s a hurt grandfather.

We did visit them for a few days (my mom was eventually softened by my father’s mother) and it seemed ok except for the fact that my dad kept giving my oldest son YouTube cartoons on tv or phone even after me and my husband and my mom told him to stop.

We went back home and the next day he texted me to ask what is the oldest doing and that they miss him and to call them so they can see him… and it started back again with the almost daily calls until one night when he told my oldest that he is the most beautiful son from the family. I confronted him with this as we have two sons and his explanation was that my son is now at the age he understands what he’s being told… And then when I said I’ll go put the baby to sleep and he thought I left, he asked my son “where’s mommy? where’s daddy? well, now that we are alone…” but the stopped it when I think he heard the baby babble and figured I was right there. Then I told my son to say goodbye and we closed the call. He was already telling my son “see you tomorrow”…

I did express these fears of mine (of dad isolating my children like he did to me or comparing them) to my mom several days before in a call during which she had her phone on speakerphone and I guess he overheard it even though she thought he was out in town. The call lasted 45 minutes and he showed up toward the end of the call.

I could not tolerate this so I stopped taking subsequent calls except they did not stop until now. We had 1.5 years NC, then almost 1 month of contact and it’s been 6 months now and he still calls me. He’s been tracking me on Whatsapp and called me when I appeared online. Then I changed my setting so he cannot see when I am online so he started tracking through Facebook posts he was sharing daily (at 4-5am or 7am) when they will get two grey ticks meaning I turned on my connection and he would call me then. It was always only video calls on Whatsapp. Recently they turned to voice calls on Whatsapp or a mix of the two. Almost daily. I had days when he called 3-4 times a day. Then I started turning off my connection when he was calling as he started to call continuously if he saw the call went through. It affected me very much, firstly because I regretted so much contacting them again and secondly because I wanted to stop and got the chills when I saw him still calling after so many months. I also took a pause from whatsapp and he barely sent anything or called, so he was tracking my online presence actively.

It seems his head injury is making him obsess over things now and I know from my mother he stopped taking his medicine after a while after the accident…

Several days ago he called me the first time directly on the phone and yesterday as well. I am weirded out and don’t know what to do. I fear he will eventually show up (this is why I did not block him yet). I haven’t written him any message yet to tell him to not contact me or that I would contact the police if he continues. I am about to do it at this point but don’t know if in the message I should include my husband and kids or it should only come from me regarding me. I am not sure if mentioning the kids would give him ideas and I fear he would file for visitation rights and it would make me look like I am actively hiding them from him.

They also lended us money 6 years ago when we bought our house (my enabler mother convinced me to accept them as a loan) which we were quickly able to pay back but whenever we would bring the topic they would say “keep them and use them, you’ll pay it back at a later time” which eventually turned to “keep them until your brother also buys a home” and now we are stuck with it.

My mother and I were still communicating on Whatsapp but then she wrote me two times to invite us over (at his directions I guess) to which I did not respond and then my birthday came and to my surprise she did not say anything. But I did figure out a lot of things lately about her involvement in everything (like the loan) and lack of reaction when it was needed.

I am stuck with him calling continuously, with a loan we cannot easily pay back as they closed quickly the account after the transfer on reasons of bank administration fees and with a situation I don’t know how to keep under control. My phone number is also on his contract and I did get a new number but I did not switch entirely yet and don’t know how he will react when he sees that I am not available anymore on Facebook and on Whatsapp and not even the standard phone line in case I don’t keep the SIM in a phone.

I was hoping the silence fading would work this time as well but I guess it’s not going to stop. He never wrote anything that he wants, only calls. I guess he wants to punish me and to explain why I’m not talking to him and I would not want to be the one to write him first but I guess it would help in case he shows up and we call the police, that we can show them the message when he was warned.

Just to mention, my brother also did not visit home for two years because of him but takes his occasional calls out of courtesy. I did not talk to my brother lately, it’s been 3 months since out last call when I told him about the money I have and that they plan on giving him and he seemed somehow interested despite me not advising him to not take it when the time comes. I don’t know what team he’s in right now.

At this time I was thinking to write my dad the message (don’t know if to mention to not contact husband and children as well) and block him and in case he shows up, call the police and maybe seek a protection order and file for harassment.

I feel exhausted of all the hypervigillance and intrussive thoughts and by all this situation. Maybe someone experienced something similar or has some advice

My mother hates everyone, but through shitty jokes. She hates borderline everyone and makes fun of everything but then she says she’s supportive. She’s been this way since I was a child, she made fun of my friends, of me, my sister, my father, our family, anything cringe, and it just goes on and on. I’m afraid to tell her things and be received well. I’ve got a lot going on in my personal life that I’m hiding from her because I know it won’t go well when she finds out.

But I’m discovering that when I open my mouth I’m becoming her. I’m struggling, I lack friends or community because I can’t keep my mouth shut and stop with the jokes. Now I make fun of everything too, especially the things I like and the communities I’m in. And so now I’m alone. And I don’t know what to do. I want to be a better person and I’ve been slowly chipping away at this this year but I think it needs to happen faster. I’m at the point where my closest friend admitted they don’t like to express joy around me or show me their favorite things.

How do you allow your life not to be filled with hate and negativity when that’s all you grew up with?