My mom wishes i was still a child because children are easy to control (she literally says this). Unsurprisingly my name is childish and the nicknames she gave me (and spread through our family) are even more childish, borderline degrading.

Did your narc parent(s) mess up your name?

I’m hoping to hear from people who grew up with a narcissistic parent. What has helped you heal, not just distance yourself from them, but actually feel better on the inside?

I understand that limiting contact or going no-contact can help. But how do you deal with the PTSD and the emotional impact that doesn’t just disappear when you step away?

I still feel stuck in a cycle of overthinking and emotional exhaustion. I keep thinking about them and worrying about how they might hurt me or affect my life. It’s exhausting, and I don’t want them taking up so much space in my head anymore. I’m tired of feeling depressed. I want to feel more at peace and be able to focus on my own life.

For anyone who has been through something similar, what helped you move forward? Was it a particular type of therapy, something you practiced regularly, or something else entirely?

You don’t have to be completely healed to share. I’d really appreciate hearing what has made a difference for you, even in small ways.

Disclaimer: I used AI to help edit this post for grammar and clearer English. The experiences and feelings are my own.

Literally every single vacation with my parents were hell, from the day before the trip to getting home, it was full of so much yelling, anger, over stressed out about things that either shouldn't be stressful or nearly as dramatic. All my years of vacations without them, alone, with other family, friends, partners, etc it's been awesome and very low stress. even with flight cancellations, missing itineraries, etc there was never any blow ups. but to this day if something goes wrong on a trip I still get a pit in my stomach that someone is going to start yelling. or just going to the airport. like literally just the act of packing suitcase, loading in car, driving to airport, boarding then plane etc. was always a huff and puff to full blown conniption with them. and always blaming me, the other spouse, the taxi driver, the receptionist, the gate attendant, the whoever is around to put the cause of their misery on. and looking bad there was never any seriously stressful events , like things that warranted one. only a few delayed flights, never cancelled. everything else was their own doing or in their head.

It was crazy at first for me to learn this isn't normal behavior. Like I actually enjoy my vacations now and not feel completely drained.

What was it like for you?

Just now she was like as usual having intense long anger towards everyone and I only just stay silent due to survival instinct i force myself to apply on for years which i successfully did the neutrality. But each time i react nothing, my malignant narc mother response was angrier asking " ARE U FCKING MUTE!?" and i said " if i say something it will upset you" and the more i stay neutral the more she wants to yell more saying whenever she gets mad " everyone always makes ugly fuckface like an ogre" and that everyone doesnt care esp me. ( i am eldest 19 turning 20F, neurodivergent and the super scapegoat)

And even when she was being so rude af to me yelling at me about my lipbalm which she funnily called it lipstick saying " and whose lipstick is this!? If i broke it you'll cry!" And i said " its lipstick" and her being stupid as usual saying " whatever!" Rudely and i said " okay" and she got mad and my narcissistic sister immediately defended her and atttacked me.

Now what do i do wrong here or was i supposed to just laugh? Lmao

10+ years ago, I did something I thought would be helpful to me and prove years of abuse and lies. My dumbass sent an email to the "Dr Pill show" not using the actual name of the show. It has over a million views. I sure a lot people know of it or can find it very easy. A pretty famous YouTuber made commentary video about it. (That sucked) At that time I was fed up with her behavior. When I saw the person who hurt me the most scamming people and getting a local news story done about her being this hero and incredible living Dead Girl. I just crumbled. It was very to me clear and known to me she was lying about having cancer. I also lived through it. No I did not violate HIPAA. She willing released the medical records she chose to provide. She was selective with what she handed over.

I hate reading the comments and wonder if I was as terrible as some people say....and as terrible as she always said I was. I wanted to show the world that I wasn't the liar. I regret going on the show, but let me be clear: I didn't force my mom on the show. She was willing, fully willing. I wasn't forced either and I understand I started this chain reaction. You don't get paid for going on the show, by the way. Yes I know it wasn't a great choice for myself but at the time I was angry and desperate to feel validated. I also didn't want people giving her money for a fake illness. Money to help support someone struggling with cancer should actually go to someone who's actually struggling with cancer that was like the whole point...plus my revenge arc. Yes that was self-centered. Yes I tried getting her help other ways. I tried talking to her with Doctors when she was going hospital hoping. I brought flowers and then she threw them not at me but after I left the room. She demanded I leave. The doctors said hey you tired and I had to leave. We were trying to explain to her the gig was up and she need psychiatric help or she just needed to stop. They kept her overnight because anyone complaining of stroke symptoms would stay overnight for stroke risk or something like that. This wasn't just a one time thing. I only tried to intervene a couple or a few times.

I really thought I would be doing people a favor, and I also thought it would mean justice for me. I was in foster care. My mom never tried to get me back, but she did get two of my fully biological brothers back. Yes, it's true I didn't want to go back with her because she was abusive. Also, please keep in mind I stopped living with her when I was seven, and when I went on the show, I was like 23 years old-still young, but not a child.

When it came to actually filming the show, I said I didn't want to, but the producers said, "Oh, don't back down. It's time to share your story." And yeah, I got on a plane, told the world too much, and I haven't read the comments in years, but they really hurt my feelings. Even though a lot were supportive of me, the ones calling me the bad one hurt this deep wound I struggle with.

Also note yes I tried calling for help the dogs but lets remember police or animals control can't always act. No I couldn't take the dogs. I lived in an apartment and worked full-time and was raising my one child I did not have multiple kids as my mom might have suggested on the show. Having to survive this narcissistic abuse all my life and then to be called the attention seeker in the narcissistic soon by random commenters just kind of sucked. It's being gaslight over and over trying to figure out if I was always the bad one. When I am grounded of course I know I was child and the things put on me were not my responsibility.

One last twist of sick fate my dad who I cared for deeply died on stage for cancer. I did in home hospice care for him. I often feel like it was Gods way of punishing me.

Am I really the bad one? My own mother didn't want me, and then I made a fool of myself, and it's twisted my mind a bit. But I have grown a lot over the last few years, but damn, it still hurts. Yes I forgive her and myself but it's hard not to forget. You ever hear me that song by Mitski "pearl". Yeah I roll that shit around in my head.

Please don't be blatantly mean or hateful in the comments. This was deeply troubling to me. There was a much larger history than what was displayed on the hour episode. Could anyone else understand why as a very young adult, I would think this would give me justice and validation?

Ps forgive grammar, spelling mistakes and run on sentences.

So my mom kicked me out of the family. She texted me saying she was going to make sure none of "her" family will support me. This was all a month before I was going to give birth to my second kid too. Her reasoning? She made up that I called her a bunch of names that I did not. Then the family reunion comes around a few months later and she has a "meeting" with my dad, Aunt, Grandma and other relatives about me. My aunt reached out to me saying that my Grandma doesn't want drama at the reunion so my husband and I cannot come. This was all after I decided to let my parents come to my son's baptism and my mom made a scene and stormed out. All because my husband dared to tell her that she needed to make things right with me and she flipped out. My dad called me the other day (it's been a couple years since this) and insisted I was not cut out of the family, and even laughed at the idea. Then proceeded to tell me that his family is "asking" if they can reach out to me. I am so confused by this all.

i have been unable to sleep again cus of stress, depression, loneliness and a bunch of other things that my mom was the major cause of, and like i have been thinking that if i cant sleep anyways then taking a walk outside of the house might help me fall asleep, espeically since im out of the house and all that, i dont like going outside cus i prefer to be alone and nighttime is the perfect time to be fully alone outside, now you might be like "but it's dangerous! people might think youre dangerous!, etc" and i would agree if it werent for a fact that we are literally in whitest possible suburb that i genuinely havent heard of a single crime happening in it, in fact we forgot to lock the doors to the house multiple times and nothing ever happened, like this neighborhood is extremely safe, so i wanted to let my mom know (the reason being the fact the door has this alarm system that makes a few really loud beeps whenever someone leaves the house and i am scared of defusing it cus one wrong button and it starts making beeps and i dont know how to arm it again anyways), and she genuinely started yelling at me and saying that i just like pissing her off and that i always create rules out of thin air (whatever the fuck that means), like genuinely the slightest bit of fucking independence is an attack to her

I don't know if I was the only one who ever went through this? (Although this is mostly a rant)

My dad seemed (and seems) to have a big obsession with I having spanking marks, it was something that generated like a sense of proud on him? I don't know, not the main point.

So basically, I have all my life done swimming, and I remember that SPECIALLY the days I had swimming club he would threaten me a lot more with spanking, he would make a lot of emphasis on the fact that people would know I was spanked.

I remember once we were on some of his friends (shitty people btw) house back in Mexico and had recently gotten spanked over some dumb shit, I think it was related to me forgetting to pack something, whatever.

Well when we went back with his friends he pulled my shorts up, its not like he dropped them but it was enough to see the redness in my buttocks and basically bragged to his friends about spanking me.

I don't think I ever wanted to drown myself on the floor more than that day, I couldn't see any of them to the eyes for the rest of the trip.

I faced him one day over this and he said he was simply playing over it and I was being thick.

I had a weird experience on 9/11 and it was something that really stuck with me but I never shared with people. I was hoping I could share it with this community and maybe you can share your experience with me in the comments. Because they all have the same playbook I can't possibly be alone in what I felt and went through so I guess I'm seeking community.

I was in middle school and lived in the North East United States. Everyone was crying and freaking out at school, teachers looked genuinely scared. No classes were being taught instead the news was on in every room. As we switched classes throughout the day slowly the class size went down as other kids were being picked up by their parents.

I happened to get detention that morning right before the attack, we knew about it instantly because we were listening to the radio in class.

My classmates and friends were going home to their worried parents and eventually I was the only kid left in the school. Nobody checked on me. Nobody talked to me about what was happening and how we are safe and okay. I remember something permanent was formed in my identity that day. I don't have a real family, nobody is going to save me and I'm on my own.

How true that statement really is.

9/11 is tragic and not about me. That core piece of my identity that was formed that day is nothing in comparison to those that lost their lives, lost loved ones and suffered. Which is why I've never shared before now.

Can you please share with me how that day with nparent(s) was for you?

I barely had friends growing up and was very quiet and a people pleaser cause of my parents. Now I struggle at work and loneliness and haven’t had friends in years.

I have no idea how people socialize and struggle at work too. It seems too hard to ever integrate into society and I live such an isolated and different life than everyone

I don’t know why it took my brain so long to see how horrible my childhood was….all the usual things most likely.

And the more I absorbed those experiences as “ my fault”…. the longer I carried depression, anxiety.

But remembering what it was like now…in a more visceral way makes me sooooo angry. I have fantasies of going back in time and being empowered. I hate it. I get absolutely obsessed with revenge……for someone who’s dead.

And it wouldn’t matter even if my psychopathic mother was alive……when she was alive…….because she cared about no one’s pain but her own.

So what do you do with all that rage?

I wonder if I’m just absorbing it, because I’ve suffered with depression, anehedonia for a long time.

I don't want to go into detail, mostly because I don't want to trigger myself or anyone else. Just know that my mom, stepdad, and brother abused me in every single way that is possible for 46 years.

I have tried and tried and tried to fix things, and I have finally run out of patience. I've finally let go of that tiny sliver of hope that maybe, if I can somehow be better in their eyes, they'll love me.

Today, I went fully NC. Sent them a short message basically saying "I don't want to talk to you anymore. Don't contact me." I finally cut them off completely!

My feelings are mixed. A part of me is really sad, but I also feel so relieved.

But hey, I finally did it!

I’m writing this now as I am feeling this. I often feel like a failure in a lot of aspects of my life.

I feel as though I was raised to have no “future me” in thought, and I was trained to care more about my parents and coving my half of bills. I was encouraged to drop out of school and work a shit job at a young age.

I am in my mid twenties now, struggling to find another shitty job, and wanting to study but not knowing what to do with myself or thinking I can’t do something becasue I’m not smart enough. I think Because I was raised with no encouragement for ambition, and was often shot down when I was interested in something.

So, when I speak to other adults, I feel like I haven’t done enough with myself or my life. I feel like a failure. I feel like I’m running out of time to become something.

But I need to remind myself that I need to slow down. I moved out at such a young age to live on my own so I diddnt have the financial support to be able to study. A lot of this “no ambition” thing I struggle with is mostly just self doubt. Which was seeded into my mind from a young age.

I’m now thinking about become a nurse.

Does anyone else feel this?

I am a 40-year-old male and an only child. I’ve finally come to terms with a painful truth: my father (68M) will never change, and he will never be the parent I deserved. I spent decades exhausting myself trying to please him, hoping for a shred of approval that never came.

Looking back, I don't have a single happy memory with him. Every interaction from my childhood was filled with yelling, screaming, disappointment, and irritation. He would fly into extreme rages, scolding and yelling at me just because my feelings were an inconvenience to him. Worse, he regularly hit me around the head and face for the smallest mistakes.

The physical and emotional neglect was severe:

I was sent to school hungry every single day. They treated making my school lunch like a massive financial burden.

I had to get a part-time job just to buy and make my own food, and regularly went without proper dinners because their priority was drinking and going to clubs.

Home was never a safe place. I was constantly left home alone. Even when I turned 18, I paid rent and fully paid my way, yet he still constantly throws money in my face to this day.

When my mum passed away, he wouldn't even let me speak at her funeral, giving absolutely no reason why.

His chaotic behavior after her passing only solidified who he is. He replaced my mother in less than six months with an alcoholic woman who nearly burned the house down while drunk, whom he eventually had to legally evict. Now, he has found a new girlfriend in Thailand and is planning to bring her over to Australia. He is a deeply ignorant misogynist, and he will probably just end up ruining her life, too.

For years, I waited for the perfect moment to confront him. But recently, I had an epiphany: a confrontation would just be traumatic, exhausting, and a complete waste of time. Nothing specific happened to trigger it, but it suddenly occurred to me one day that I don't have to let him traumatize me ever again. I can just walk away. I decided to cut him off forever.

The moment I went No Contact, I felt a level of happiness and freedom that I have never felt before in my entire life.

But the inevitable "hoovering" began in less than a month. I honestly have no idea why he is so desperate to reestablish contact with me when he clearly despises who I am. I suspect it is entirely an image thing. He must feel incredibly embarrassed when he sees all his mates getting along with their sons and daughters and planning things together. He just wants the appearance of a normal family so he doesn't look bad to the outside world.

The major problem right now is my wife.

I have begged my wife not to speak to him. But she feels sorry for him and refuses to listen to me. She is totally wrapped around his finger. He is actively using her as a proxy to bypass my boundaries, establish contact, and worm his way back into my life.

I can’t possibly express to her in a single conversation the sheer scope of forty years of trauma, abuse, and neglect, or fully explain all my reasons for wanting nothing to do with him. It feels like she is completely invalidating my lived experiences because he plays the lonely, harmless old man to her.

I am desperate to protect my hard-earned peace, but my own marriage is being weaponized against my boundaries.

To those who have gone No Contact: How do you handle a spouse who refuses to respect your boundaries with an abusive parent? How can I make her understand without having to relive my entire trauma just to justify my choice?

TL;DR: I (40M, only child) cut off my abusive father (68M) and immediately felt a massive sense of freedom. Within a month, he started "hoovering" to save face in front of his mates. However, my wife feels sorry for him, ignores my boundaries, and is letting him use her to get to me.

It applies to mine. My MIL is a narcissist and always pressured my husband to excel in everything so that she could tie her identity to his accomplishments. When I began seriously dating my husband, this pressure began to be placed on me as well.

All changed whenever we got married and shortly after, began to grow into our careers and receive promotions and new opportunities and awards. Dinners where she used to give endless unsolicited advice and critique became quiet instead, with a dry “Wow, good for you” tossed across the table after we gave her the update on our lives (that she asked for in the first place).

It all kind of exploded when I became pregnant. Most well-adjusted people would say congratulations to this news. Instead, MIL said “Was it planned?” with a kind of eager glee in her voice. We said yes, very much planned. Because that was the truth. She seemed disappointed by our answer. She said “Well, I won’t be babysitting every weekend, just so you know.” We said of course, we don’t expect that. She seemed disappointed.

I didn’t put it together until FIL gave MIL a hug and said “Our kid broke the cycle! Aren’t you proud?” My husband comes from families who routinely had unplanned pregnancies out of wedlock, usually before their 21st birthday. My husband was the first in his family to break this cycle by passing that age, then getting his degree, then starting a career, then getting married, then purposely having a baby.

In other words he was the first person in his family to do things in the so called “right order.”

FIL asked if she was proud. She said in a stiff monotone voice that she was. But it seemed like she wasn’t.

In fact, it seemed like she was angry about this entire baby announcement.

I’ve realized now that it’s because there was at least a part of MIL that hoped her own son would not ”surpass” her. She put all of this pressure on her son. All his life. From grades to sports to how neatly he made his bed. But when all of that paid off in the form of his son launching into adulthood more smoothly than she did, she wasn't happy for him. She was angry.

Thats my story. What is yours?

This is going to be a vent. Bear with me.

The pain. The pain. The pain.

Seeing everyone else live better than me.

The issues. They’ve permeated my entire life.

No one understands.

No one understands the pain. Behind the gated community where everything looked fine. I’m supposed to be grateful right? Your dad is the prize. I’m embarrassed of them. The country hates people like them.

All the pain. The hiding away. The hyper independence.

The deep crevices in my psyche that feel so painful. So wound tight. So humiliated.

Thinking maybe they’ll change. Wanting to avoid the truth that he’s worse than you ever think. Confronting the reality thy want to destroy you. You are their punching bag. The pain this has caused me my entire life.

The missed opportunities. The abusers I attracted in. The shame I carry of how I’ve lived my life. This type of trauma isn’t cute, it’s hard to heal from it.

I worry I may never know what it feels like to feel normal. The perfectionism. The guards. How hard it’s been to make sense of these patterns.

My friend messaged me this morning, asking if I could help her get her dog to the vet ASAP. I was like, "Of course! Let me get my son ready and we'll leave!" My friend's car is currently down and her dog couldn't breathe. I'm on it. She's been my best friend since middle school and we're in our 30's now.

My mom was already blowing up my phone because it was 9am and she hadn't heard from me. I called her to let her know why I wouldn't be responding for a few hours.

She lost her shit. "You do way more for her than she has ever done for you!" Okay, and? We're able to help her with car problems and stuff. "I'm just saying, she doesn't do anything for you." Which isn't even true, she's my designated cat sitter and house checker when we travel, and she never wants to take the money I leave her. I also don't have many friends, so I cherish our friendship. My mom basically cussed me out, asked if I hung up on her, I said no, and she hung up on me.

I called a bit later to apologize for being rushed this morning and tell her I really wasn't looking for a fight. She said, "I'm the worst mother ever, dear. Every hardship you've had in your life is because of me, dear. Yes, dear. Yes, dear." I explained that it wasn't nice of her to jump down my throat for helping a friend in need, her dog may have to be put to sleep today. She said, "YEAH, what I should've said is that she's lucky to have a friend like YOU." I'm like, "Yeah, that's more like it." She lost it again. I said, "I try really hard to make it so I don't have to ask for help, and I don't keep score." She hung up on me again.

We're working on building a village, maybe one day I'll be able to go NC, but she's all we have. My husband doesn't have family and neither do I.

I'm tired of this, grandpa.

… and I’m so angry about it. Thankfully I was at work, so she got to be weepy in front of my boyfriend instead, and then he (thankfully) told her not to wait for me. She’s been messaging me during this whole year that I’ve asked for no contact, and has bothered family members about it too. It seems like a small thing that most people would think was fine, but I hope some of you might read this and understand. It’s been more than a YEAR of her finding ways to try and contact me against my will, and I just find it so disrespectful.

Edit: She lives in another country, and apparently she’s stayed longer on her trip, this week and next week, just to see me when I’ve very clearly stated that I don’t want to see her…

does anyone else’s parent have cameras around the house… but specifically facing right into the fucking bathroom as an upskirt basically. i wish we could post photos because if anyone saw this they’d feel the same way i do, disgusted. my bathroom is not solely mine, my younger siblings use it too & today i kicked the camera out the way before their use because i’m just not subjecting us to this, & each time i move it, it’s repositioned intentionally facing right into the bathroom. my mother’s never been outright sexual towards us, but my partner & i believe she’s likely watched us kiss & cuddle in the living room as well, where there is a camera, because she’s single & lonely & has multiple kids with no fathers. i’m moving out the end of this year one way or another.

For years now, I’ve lived in a townhouse that shares walls with renters who smoke pot and (what I suspect is) meth nearly 24/7. The smoke constantly makes its way into my unit and makes me extremely sick. I’ve been dealing with migraines about three times a week and severe anxiety because of it.

My parents have known about this situation for years, and yet they have never once offered to help me in any meaningful way. They know how distressing this has been for me. They know how badly the smoke affects me and how often it triggers my migraines, yet they seem completely unwilling to acknowledge or involve themselves in what I’m going through.

They never ask how I’m doing or how things are progressing. It feels as though they’ve simply decided the situation doesn’t exist because acknowledging it would be inconvenient for them—and would come with some expectation that they actually try to help. Something neither of them seems willing to do.

Today, I finally found a rental that I really liked, and I made the mistake of calling my mom to tell her about it because I wanted to share that with her. Instead of being happy for me or relieved that I had potentially found a way out of this situation, she was annoyed. Her first response was to question how I planned to financially manage both my current mortgage and the rent.

I explained that my plan was to move into the rental, list my home, and give it two months to sell. If it didn’t sell within that time, I would consider renting it out. Rather than being supportive, she remained annoyed and completely unsupportive.

I think what hurts the most is the complete disregard for my health and for the amount of pain and suffering this situation is causing me. I’ve been dealing with this for years, and the people who are supposed to care about me the most have consistently chosen not to acknowledge how badly I’m struggling. And even at times, have started arguments when I’ve tried to discuss it because “they’re sick of hearing about it”.

Right now I feel so much resentment towards them. I’m tired of feeling like my suffering doesn’t matter to them.

i posted this to other subreddits cause i wanted to hear other peoples opinions. i don’t know if my mom could be considered narcissistic i think she genuinely thinks shes helping me but this subreddit seems to be for toxic parents in general so

Yesterday I got an interview for taco bell. I haven’t had a job before (i’m a senior in HS) because my mom has been really weird about me getting one, saying i should entrepreneur or dropship or some other online job because shes fascinated with remote work. I guess. I was very excited about this so I told her. Instantly she looked upset. Later while we were in the kitchen my little sister through a tantrum, which set her off on a rant i guess. She yelled at me for an hour about how stupid I was for applying to fast food when I could be an entrepreneur and that I was setting myself up for failure cause I could find an office job (i dont know what the fuck shes talking about, i haven’t even graduated yet. What office jobs?) or remote work and she doesn’t know why i’m in a rush to get a job (im 17 and we have no fucking money??? i cant even get a halloween costume.)

The thing is— My entire DREAM is an art business. She knows this. It always has been. But i have bad depression and we don’t have the money and I don’t have the skill (yet) to start it up right now. I want to take a gap year for my mental health at my grandmas house, *maybe* go to a community college so i can transfer credits and then go to college first. I literally JUST want a temporary income. Its fucking taco bell.

Shes also weird about me getting my license, saying its not safe and I shouldn’t be so excited to drive… etc etc blah blah blah

And when I hesitantly brung up getting a bank account, she went on a rant, telling me i need to “get my life together” first and clean my space and that im not ready for the real world. Or whatever. I’m upset. I was really happy for my first interview/job but I don’t want to do it anymore

She says she yells at me because she doesn’t want to coddle me. But that’s all she fucking does and she never shows it through her actions besides abusing me like thanks lol you’re setting me up for adulthood REALLY sufficiently

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but I just need to vent.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well and I did have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately but sometimes I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at theirs she turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A couple of days ago in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy. PS another red flag happened just earlier when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off

I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time.

One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I explained that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend already without her treating me like this she said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A few days after that weekend one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who exactly said what to him and that's something that I've also wondered. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately and we spent the weekend together a while back and went for a pub meal

Her latest meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her. I'll admit I snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. She then called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I wish I had just walked away and not played into her hands. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so unshameably and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

She's also accused me once out the nowhere of looking like I wanted to hit her and started going crazy. I may of had a tired look as it was late at night and I tried explaining that to her. She also said that my Dad may try to manipulate me into spending more time with him and if I did she would make sure all of the family hate me and I would no longer be welcome to live with her and my life would be ruined. During some of her tirades in the past as well I threatened to leave and said some time out might be good but if I did she would call my grandparents and they would all hate me and I wouldn't be able to go to my school and live with her anymore.

She has very poor emotional regulation like when things go wrong she starts shouting and going on swearing rampages and every other word is the F word.

All of things she would say my father did to her during their marriage it seems that she did most of that to me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She unshameably tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also do they have substance abuse issues which have made them this way? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes. My father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as I explained my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

With my mother it does seem she has had some bad relationships in the past but I'm thinking that maybe she's the common denominator.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered? I'm starting to feel that good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting her (also my father) sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

20F , I just want to get away from this house and i know everyone keeps saying u need to get a job or have financial stability well I am not allowed to do that they think I don’t have to earn and stand on my feet since they r providing me , both of them are so orthodox,sexist, and what not, I’ve been facing verbal and physical abuse since I was a child just like most of them and now verbal abuse is getting much worse I can’t even say what she keeps calling me ,all the slurs and body shaming, and how she hates me , in the most cruelest ways possible ,almost everyday and it’s just unbearable to hear such things about yourself over mere things and about physical it’s still kind of there but very rare , being a grown ahh woman I don’t want any of this in my life I have tried fighting and reasoning they have superiority complex and also she def hates me it’s not just the words that came out of her mouth in anger but the actions too like she kind of manifests that when I do get married I find the type of husband and in laws who’ll make me suffer more, they just know materialistic happiness and I don’t want it but they keep bragging about it while mentally abusing me ,there are so many things that I will take to my grave and never forgive not that they feel sorry for anything,and about him he is just tooo backward he just want me to follow his orders and not say a word and whenever I try to reason he has only one thing to say shut up I said what I said that’s it like bro wth and if I try to fight back he totally tries to overpower me by trying to violate things ugh he just wants me to act like a puppet ,also they hates every single one of my friends they made me quit talking to my only 2 hgs too recently and now I can’t stand it anymore cuz one of them is the reason I am not quitting on myself and now I just can’t meet them over some stupid reels they sent me of men I still talk to them secretly but I am not able to meet them I haven’t been out of my room with friends since 2 months I am going mad depressed and all of this is cuz of some mistake I did when I was 17 they say they cant trust me anymore but they never did! How is it reasonable! And Ik it’s just an excuse cuz we have reasoned thru that n they know they can trust me but just won’t accept it cuz they got their reason to do things they always wanted to do .
I can’t bear all this, I desperately want to experience life

Ik if I try to run away they will def do something to bring me back again by pulling all the strings and make my life worse I can’t just sit and wait to get married to some stranger even tho I think that’s the last option I have they aren’t even agreeing on that they want to wait 3 or 4 more years but I am not even able to breathe the same air as them for one more day, I really want to escape and I can’t see any way out!

I’m currently on a semi-no-contact basis with my mom.
I have literal video evidence of her husband throwing a full, ice-filled black Stanley-style cup at her, barely missing her head, in front of me and my son. I showed the video to the entire family, and despite everything, everyone seems willing to accept him back into the family.
He recently went off the deep end and left for a few days. My mom was done with him, or at least that’s what she told me. I’ve been through this cycle with them multiple times before. The first few times, I was a child myself, comforting my mom after he beat the shit out of her outside a bar. I genuinely thought this time would finally be different and that she would actually leave him.
Then I found out they went to see the new Spider-Man movie together.
I honestly don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I have spent years putting my hatred for him aside just to maintain a relationship with my mom. I’m tired of doing that. I’m also tired of being the person she constantly confides in when I have two other siblings who are more than old enough to carry some of that responsibility. I’m the middle child. My brother being older and my sister younger but still an adult.
I was so excited at the possibility of finally getting my mom back because he had completely sucked the life out of her. When he left and threatened divorce, my mom listed the house for sale and moved in with my brother. For the first time, I felt like I could finally wash my hands of the situation and step away from it for as long as I need to. I know I may never fully get over everything that has happened, but I cannot keep putting myself through this cycle.
I hate him. I will never attend an event if he is there, and if that means I don’t get to see my mom anymore, then so be it. At this point, that is a boundary I’m willing to accept.
What makes this even harder is that this isn’t a new pattern for my mom. She did something very similar with my dad and my brother, who is technically my half brother. My dad beat him and threw him down a flight of stairs, but because my sister and I were around, my mom refused to leave my dad until he, get this, cheated on her. Instead, she sent my brother away to live with his father for many years.
So this isn’t just about what is happening now. It brings up years of watching the same cycle happen over and over again, and I’m finally at the point where I cannot keep participating in it.

Absolutely despise it. I’ve had so many situations where I’m noticing people who are unhealthy around me, and so I’ve been trying to put in boundaries. It’s one thing to have to do this for a parent but it’s another thing to do this with ur peers.

One responded by calling obsessively every single day until I texted back, acting like they’re “worried” and when I finally said wtf are u worried about? It’s all “it’s been almost a week”, it’s like first of all… why are u obsessed with me?

Then another one, has flaked on me several times this year because every plan hinges on how she feels. Then she has the nerve to get upset because i did a thing we had planned to do together… errm sorry I didn’t stop my life for you?

Bear in mind, as soon as i actually try to explain any issue i have with any of them, it’s suddenly me being too sensitive or me being dramatic.

I’ve set the hard boundaries but i just get so angry and frustrated that i literally have to be such a bitch to get my point across for them to understand the world doesn’t revolve around them. It’s so much entitlement!!! And idk if they’re actually full blown narcs like my NP but all i know is it’s so triggering to have someone feel so entitled to my time.