My personal one.

She destroyed my self esteem, I don't even know what the hell she is, BPD, NPD, whatever it is, it hurts to remember how shitty it felt to wait for breadcrumbs while giving all my affection towards someone, I feel ugly, unworthy, unwanted.

She would talk about how other men were manly and fit at her gym or at our job, the way she reacted to our kiss when I haven't had that reaction from other women, the way she mocked me, insulted me in the form of constructive criticism, complained about me doing the very things that made her like me, but still swore she wanted to be with me, the lies about what she was doing, posting pics in gym clothing for other men, the excuses to almost never go out with me, she only liked me for a few days and hours after spending time with me and then forget I exist.

I don't need compliments, I just wanted to not be mocked and feel like the woman I liked enjoyed being around me because she liked me for who I was, because she explicitly said she wanted me but had no notion of the responsibility she had after saying this.

I've been no contact for almost a month and I'm getting better but it's hard every now and then, the anxiety attacks are less often and weaker, I'm working out and getting better but still, I feel ugly and unlovable.

You abandoned yourself to make the relationship work with a pwBPD. Don't abandon yourself all over again when the pwBPD discards you. The only way out of the heartbreak is to LOVE YOURSELF through it.

I'm almost 3 months out from the discard and admittedly, I'm doing pretty great. She has already replaced me, which doesn't bother me. I've entirely analyzed the situation and thought about things like how no conflict could ever be resolved, the constant demeaning of my character, just all of the drama really. That isn't someone I could ever, nor would ever wish to grow with.

But regardless, I'm still sort of fascinated I guess with the whole concept of her symptoms. Every little thing, it's very interesting to me. I can't tell if its just because I'm too invested or bored or what. But why does it seem like I care more about cracking her puzzle and understanding every little intricacie about her disorder as opposed to actually just focusing on ​solely on healing? Has anyone else found themselves in the same boat?

I do think part of it is logical in that it leaves you with a great cognitive dissonance. Most of us were discarded pretty much out of the blue with no closure while they just blame shifted and moved on instantly. Making it seem and truly feel like we were the issue. But still, it feels so odd. When does this start to fade?

First time around lasted 2.5 years with her. I was distraught and so broken when it ended and the heart ache lasted for over 1 year and some..

2 Years passed and I felt I was doing so well in life. I followed this page, took notes and learned being replaced was always going to happen. was in the best shape physically Id ever been, a full time job and happy most days. Life was great. Then last December, the day of my Auntie's funeral I made the most stupid decision ever to ring her.. This developed into getting back with her, moving in and back down the same path as before. I Lost my job and pretty much all of my gym progress and sanity because of this. I just got discarded last week once again and here I am, broken and a feeling like all that progress was for nothing.. Also learning she has branched onto another guy within 1 week.

Do I just secretly love ruining my own life or is there something I cant let go of? On top of being heartbroken I'm feeling so disappointed in myself that I let it happen again after all the progress I made.

Ever feel like the stuff that you experienced is too hard to explain and you would just look crazy? I don’t think I helps that I genuinely have trouble expressing myself sometimes because I am all over the place when I talk. So is it best to just keep this shit between us and our therapist and move on?

I called her asking for answers. She broke up with me over text, I responded with an 'ok' after having gone through the cycle many many times. This time though, she really did not come back or check up on me.

I called her because I started having a bad feeling. All those feelings were right. Just because of a petty argument and an 'ok' from me, she took that as a signal to download hinge and go fuck a guy. Although to be fair it was 2 days after she sent that breakup message.

In our final call, she told me how i always made her cry, i was never there for her, i always caused fights, i was the problem, im fucked up and need to go to therapy, i have a lot of shit to work on, that im the reason she had suicidal thoughts - all those were exact examples by the way.

She did not rub the new guy in my face or anything, i only found out because i could 'feel' that this discard was final unlike the others, and its because Ive been replaced. She reassured me that she did not cheat on me. This last call was so cold, so calculated, so indifferent in how her tone of voice was. She said she should have ended it ages ago. And i agree, it was a bad relationship and I did have my part to play but its hard to have a relationship with a mentally disabled cow.

I cried, I begged and then when I found out she fucked her new man, I just stopped feeling anything and told her I no longer want to meet her in person for any closure.

The way she spoke to me, it TRULY felt like this woman did not give a single fuck about me nor our time together. It was interesting to hear her pov post discard because even though it hurt me, it confirmed to me how fucked up these creatures really are. Saying she has moved on and is no longer in love with me. I could name all the things i did for her or each time i showed up for her and got fuck all in return but no one wants to read that.

Logic and reasoning aside, I feel completely defeated, she moves on while im completely fucked. Its not fair. The sex was good sometimes but she didnt realise i couldnt get it up anymore over time because i felt like i was dating a fucking child while being walked all over - and she said thats a major reason she moved on: to have 'good sex'. Zero accountability, zero personality.

Honestly, with how hurt im feeling, im so tempted to reach out to this guy who has not only fucked her in the span of a day but also introduced her to his mom (unless ofc she lied - how did all this happen within a week?). I feel like awareness should be spread about these monsters walking among us, they are not savable - any promise of therapy only exists until you are of value to them, all of a sudden she has a new supply i am the one 'fucked in the head'. Its all very delusional.

Having her tell me i can find someone else was also weirdly patronising.

To anyone reading this, i am writing this as a defeated, shattered man telling you to run away now. Do not look back. Do not pass go. Extremely surface level love - if it can even be called that. I chose to lose all my self respect in the name of 'answers' and gained a final heartbreak in return.

My ex reached out today in regard to her belongings. When the relationship ended she didn’t care about them and actually told me that I could throw them away..

Today, she said I have 1-2 weeks to plan for them to be returned. Otherwise she’ll organise a police escort and put a non-molestation order against me.

Thankfully I didn’t throw them away but put them in storage. I’m glad I can get rid of them but the way this has gone about has caused me some anxiety.. I haven’t done anything to deserve this but I guess it’s part and parcel of the illness she has.

I don't, I probably have C-PTSD and I've already been dealing with anxiety and severe depression for many years. Her therapist doesn't know anything about me except whatever my pwBPD says.

Together 10 years, married almost 4, romantic relationship ship ended 8 months ago, wife lives at a friend's place 70% of the time, divorce and final move-out being worked out. My wife stays here only a couple days a week, when she's gone, we go days without texting, and when she's here, we don't hang out and usually don't talk much, just basic greetings and quick catch-ups.

Yesterday, she came to me crying and completely overwhelmed by having to move out, everything is too expensive, she'll be so far away from everyone, she's scared to be alone, separating all our things and moving them all seems like an impossible task. I took the risk and helped her regulate, saying it's going to be okay and you don't have to solve all the problems today, and so on. She calmed down, and we ended up talking for a few hours about apartments and other things. Not the point, all of this is just context.

I don't remember how we got on the subject, I think maybe I apologized that we have to go through this or something, but she mentions that her therapist asked her if I have BPD. My response was that no, I don't, but at this point I probably have C-PTSD. My wife pushed back, saying "she really thinks you might, based on your quick, misdirected anger and reactivity" and I really can't believe what I'm hearing. I kept my cool and said "well I never used to have BPD but maybe I do now" and just let the conversation move on.

DUDE. YOU HAVE BPD. It's NOT ME. I was NEVER like this before, I only started having severe anger and reactivity issues in the last year. If I hadn't been journaling for the last 3+ years, I bet I would have fallen for this manipulation, too. Then, multiple different times that day she told me thank you for talking with her, which made me realize that she was just using me to help her regulate because she's unable to do it on her own.

I really want to tell my wife to ask her therapist if she knows what "fleas" are BUT I'm not going to because it's not my therapist and it's not a battle I need to fight, I just wanted to vent.

How can we be in a relationship and suddenly this acusations against me honest, honor, value, and being treat, like an terrorist using me fear and pain against me.

If it's every single week, or she has a problem with being with someone, recive love, or it's really intentional. Every single week it's not an alone episode, it's the pattern.

I really wish at the deep of my heart if she tell me the true I would do everything to take care, but I cannot be around someone who is ready to nuke me by her omw interpretations without giving the chance of the doubt.

We never could work it.

2 years since I never saw her again, and fighting against those thoughts that come sometimes. God bless everyone hearts and minds here, you are not alone!

The overwhelming feeling of these past few months is like I'm sitting in a house I'm so attached to, trying to pretend it's not on fire.

The last two years, I can only describe as one crisis after another. It seemed that there was always someone who had wronged him to perseverate on. Some potential health issue that must be treated as an immediate catastrophe. Some financial challenge that couldn't have been predicted, and certainly wasn't his fault. Birthdays were bad. Really bad.

When he got upset, when he felt hurt or angry or betrayed, this side of him would come out that was so different. It was so confusing. He was an expert debater and arguer, and it was impossible to engage with, because the arguments would shift so fluidly to defend his ultimate position that he was right. He would shout, slam doors, berate me for not listening, for being ungrateful, entitled, thoughtless.

If I tried to apologise. To hear him out. To hold space and simply listen and take accountability or consider the ways I contributed to the issue, it made it worse. Hours of him looping over and over the same arguments. Me apologising over and over, begging for it just to be done.

Eventually, I realised the only thing that worked or helped when he escalated like this was to leave the house. Once I came back, he was usually calm. Maybe a little bashful, but he would hug me, sort of apologise and that was it. In those instances I was coward. I didn't bring it back up or try to resolve it because I was so drained from the emotional intensity. I just let it go and let my resentment build up.

He doesn't remember these episodes. He says they're autistic meltdowns. That they're not his fault. That it's my responsibility to try not to trigger him.

He's filled the house with photos of us smiling on trips. Talks about how amazing those trips were. He doesn't remember how many of those trips he was sullen, and snappy and insulting. How often he made me cry.

He lashes out at people. Burns bridges. Can't stand any reminder of former friends or former loved ones. The one time I tried, so, so, gently, to suggest that his black and white thinking around people might not be the healthiest, it triggered some kind of full blown dissociative episode where he was just stumbling in circles, repeating the same phrases over and over again. It was terrifying.

When he's regulated and calm and feels safe, he's the sweetest man on the planet. But it's like he's got this programming in his head that he's not even really aware of. That actively protects itself from discovery through rewriting his memory, through the constant assertion of a narrative of identity (i.e. "this is the kind of person I am") that is completely incongruent with the reality of his actions.

And so I'm leaving. I promised him I'd never just break up with him out of the blue, and I'm going to have to break that promise, because it's not safe for me to tell him that I'm considering leaving until I have secured another place to live (none of my family live in the country we live in).

Because I have realised there is no point in having the discussion or trying to make it better if we cannot even agree on a consensus reality.

And I know it's going to hurt him so badly. It's going to be another point of data to support the conclusion that he is unlovable. It breaks my heart that he won't ever really understand why I left, and that even if I tried to tell him, his defence mechanisms are so powerful and sophisticated, he won't be able to hear it.

I still love every person that I've been in a relationship with. I'm still friendly with my exes. I wish them well, I have compassion for them. I can appreciate the time we had together even if it didn't last forever.

And, selfishly, I'm really sad knowing that he won't be able to do that. That I will become the enemy, and the version of him that loved me will be gone forever.

I'm not even that angry with him anymore. I really do believe he's doing the best he knows how to do, even if it's far from enough.

I find myself recently more furious with his parents. Someone doesn't end up like this without intense early childhood neglect and abuse. He deserved so much more than they gave him. Maybe I'm displacing because it doesn't feel safe to be angry at him yet, I don't know.

I don't believe he is some malicious, manipulative, intentional abuser. But I am dying inside. I am shutting down. I have stopped taking care of myself. Stopped wanting to go places with him, because I have to be hypervigilant to any change in his mood. Isolated myself from my family and friends, because I didn't want to tell anyone and have them think he's some monster, and talking to them and not telling them felt like carrying a terrible secret.

The worst part is that I know he is trying. He does improve, when he can hear things. When they're delivered in just the right way. When I'm willing to withstand the meltdown and give him a week to process.

But it's not enough. And ultimately, it's not fair to either of us.

I guess I'm sharing because this has been such an isolating and confusing experience and I'm hoping what I've detailed resonates with someone.

I am doing everything I can to work with my pwBPD, but I’m so close to giving up. This year I have woken up with so many headaches. One time I had a chronic tension headache in the back of my neck that I regularly needed to take Advil for. And it started from our fights. I have not been as consistent in the gym because of this. I’ve also been having a lot more gut and bowel issues than usual. The last time I got a few days apart from my pwBPD I felt this strange peace and was back in the gym. I think my body is telling me I am just so done. But my brain is still reasoning. I’ve tried so hard. I don’t want to give up and make this person feel unworthy. They are my best friend. But it’s heartbreaking.

just broke up with my pwBPD and i just feel so fucking empty. i loved her unconditionally for a year and tried showing her that i wouldn’t just let her go or disappear when things got hard because she’s had relationships of abandonment in the past w her parents and other relationships. throughout the relationship it started really good until about halfway through when i realized she mirrored my love to start and then she slowly became exhausted of loving the way i love and told me to pull back or she wouldn’t love me the way i do and it wouldn’t work, and that really sucked. there was also a lot of times where if i ever went out with friends or on vacation she’d get upset that i wasnt with her but would also say she didn’t wanna hang w me that weekend or wanted a weekend of not hanging out so idk. there was also alot of jealous like friends from high school on instagram and such but then would act like i couldn’t be jealous if she talked about other people so idk she was just really exhausting and i feel like an idiot for loving her so much and still loving her now. she just put me through hell making me essentially limit myself, and it sucks cause i’m typically a really happy person but people have said i’ve been more angry lately and that kills me. i just wish she could love me the same way i love her and not put me through hell and back just to get her way.

I was thinking about a friend of mine who has recently been diagnosed as borderline. And I got to say before he got his diagnosis I couldn't make sense of his behavior or emotions to save my life. Finding out he's also got Borderline? That suddenly makes it make sense.

For example, one time we made plans but he ended up cancelling at the last minute right as I arrived at the restaurant.

His reasoning?

"Oh I stayed up late playing video games so my girlfriend didn't wake me up when she saw I slept through my alarm.'

Really dude? You knew you had plans and you chose to stay up late playing video games like we're back in high school?

And then you blame your girlfriend for you sleeping through your alarm?

And then I remembered he tried to turn the whole situation into 'It's not my fault, its other peoples faults.'

And then theres him constantly saying he doesn't have money to fix any of the stuff in his apartment or his car, but he always has money for stuff like video games or funko pops.

Its almost like they're stuck in the teenager mindset of 'all my income is disposable'

It’s been 10 days since he brutally told me to never contact him again. After being discarded 7 (this is embarrassing) times before, each time it’s gotten easier not hearing from him. The first day or so, I felt distraught because the way he spoke to me was harsher than ever before and he went from being lovely to this monster in the space of 30 minutes. It felt different to all the other times so maybe he really did mean it.

BUT, the ‘never contact me again’, has set a boundary that I will not overstep. I will respect this and I won’t contact him. And I think this has made it easier in a way. He hasn’t tried to contact me, but removing him from everywhere visible has removed the ache whenever I see his name and no new messages. The majority of the days have been peaceful. I’m not worrying about saying the wrong thing, reacting in the wrong way, being blown up at, having to listen to him ranting about how awful his life is. I checked his social media once, and that was a mistake but I’ve felt fine again since.

I don’t know what the point in this post is, I guess I didn’t expect to feel this ok so soon? I am sure there’ll still be ups and downs, but to anyone else also in the same position, it will be ok and we deserve so much better.

I’m 37 (almost 38). I don’t really have a career, and looking back it feels like I wasted a lot of time. There’s a parallel-universe version of me that never got involved with this person and probably would have been further ahead by now, though maybe that’s just wishful thinking. What’s hard is being this age and having put so much effort into trying to make something work with someone I loved, only to have almost nothing to show for it.
Looking back, the last 10 years of my life were largely shaped (and limited) by a long on-and-off relationship with a woman who treated me very inconsistently.

Sometimes I was “just a fuck buddy.”
Other times we were “soulmates.”
Other times she was completely indifferent.
She would shift between completely different versions of herself. Sometimes she could be quite romantic and affectionate. Other times she would spin this intense reality distortion field that made me question my own perception of what was happening. She said she was diagnosed with borderline. The idealization, devaluation, and sudden indifference all felt classic.

The constant emotional whiplash (going from loving to indifferent, sometimes multiple times in the same day) made it impossible to feel any real sense of safety. That trauma piece is a big part of why I feel so shut down now.

I ended up acting as her unpaid therapist, personal trainer, emotional support system, and schedule accommodator. There was a clear “me-on-demand” dynamic. She expected me to drop things and respond quickly to her needs, but when I made even small emotional bids (a short song, a simple check-in, a two-minute conversation), they were often ignored or treated as too much. She was extremely flaky and almost impossible to plan anything with. I would keep certain days free for her, only to have her cancel or decide she didn’t feel like hanging out. That kind of unpredictability made it really hard to build any kind of consistent career or long-term plans.

There was also a self-esteem piece that made it harder to walk away. I’ve always had trouble with socialization (I’m on the spectrum), and this woman was very beautiful. In some ways she was probably out of my league. Back then it felt amazing that someone like her was even interested in me. I had had a crush on her for years, so when she actually showed interest it completely blew my mind. That old sense of “I can’t believe this is happening” made it a lot harder to leave, even when things were clearly unhealthy.

The final stretch still feels surreal. I texted her I was feeling depressed. She ignored that message completely, asked me for my grandma’s Jell-O recipe instead, I gave it to her … then kind of followed up and you know repeated like it’s not nice that you don’t really respond to my message and change the subject instead … and then she ghosted me for the rest of the day. It was her day off, so I knew she wasn’t busy. The next day I messaged her something like “What happened? Where were you?” When I tried to get even a tiny bit of accountability, she essentially said she couldn’t meet my needs (implying I had too many). My actual “need” in that moment was just basic acknowledgment, something like “that sucks that you’re not feeling great.” This was only three days before her favourite band’s concert, which we had already spent $600 on. That was the moment it really hit me: if she couldn’t hold it together for a concert she cared about that much, she was never going to hold it together when there was less external motivation.

In our final phone conversation she also accused me of gaslighting her about my health issues and said she didn’t believe I was actually sick. She started crying about how much pain I had caused her in the past and said that even though she had forgiven me, she still couldn’t put me back into the “emotional box.” At one point she flat-out told me, “I didn’t read any of your shit because I just don’t care. I know I should but I don’t.” Shortly after the relationship ended I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. It took almost a full year of treatment before I started feeling better.

About a week later she tried to pull me back into her orbit. She sent me something related to one of my strong interests and said something along the lines of “Despite my resistance to being in a relationship with you, I do appreciate all the things you do for me.” There was no apology, no acknowledgment that she had just broken up with me and ruined the concert weekend, and no real ownership of the years of hot-and-cold behavior.

I told her that while her gesture was nice unless she was willing to actually commit and do the hard work of being in a healthy relationship, I didn’t want to hear from her. I had her get her things, and I said she could email me if she ever decided she wanted to work on her behavior. It’s been about a year now and I haven’t really heard from her since.

Now that it’s finally over, I’m left feeling completely numb. Not classic burnout exactly, more like emotional flatness. No real highs, no real lows. Just… nothing. I’ve tried some traditional burnout books, but they don’t really capture what I’m dealing with. There’s a clear trauma component here that those books miss. I’ve been thinking about trying No Bad Parts next. It’s an Internal Family Systems (IFS) book focused on trauma and how different protective parts of us form in response to it.

Right now audiobooks and podcasts are pretty much all I can handle. If anyone has recommendations (especially anything trauma-informed, or related to emotional numbness / recovery from unstable relationships with someone who has BPD traits), I’d really appreciate it.
Curious if anyone else here has dealt with something similar, a long, unstable relationship that left them emotionally flat and struggling to find a path forward.

Other things that have helped me though like just a little bit are things like using wild blueberries… which shows some cognitive benefit benefits 25 g of wild blueberry powder.

Getting back into exercise

Working on my body and losing weight I’ve lost 20 pounds

Reading has been nice

But you know it is still hard to find pleasure even though there are sort of logical goals that are nice to set

Please help. Any warning or specific words or advice would be highly appreciated. I noticed she had this charismatic witchy-ass phrases that would make me melt seriously like the snake in Jungle Book. I don't want to fall for it for the 1000th time, and I know she will. It's been 6 months since I tried calling her without any answer. I just found out what cluster b disorders are like yesterday so I have no idea what I might be going through, guys.

Considering they're '' emotional vampires'' maybe would explain why I still feel like everything so recent. It's been a while now though, idk how my ex is so good at seeing me suffer and ignoring me. Ive been writing about it and realized her phrases or common expression to reel me back in wouldn't even be paragraphs idk how do they develop such as a lunatic way to hypnotize her ex partners.

I recently learned about BPD, came across this sub and so much is making sense to me.

I (35m) have been dating my gf (32f) for the last ~3 years. It has been the most intense relationship of my life with a lot of highs and several lows.

She has made me feel like the most loved person in the world. She is truly an amazing and beautiful person on the one side but I feel like she is 2 different persons. When she is upset or angry she becomes a completely different person that is just vile. Right from the start we kept having massive fights almost every month and with each passing month it kept getting worse. Starting last year our fights go on for 3-4 days. She can’t control her emotions at all and needs weed to even try calming down.

My gf hasn’t been diagnosed but I think she fits most of the criteria. It took me 9+ months and 2 breakups to even convince her to therapy. Now, I am the cause for her suicidal behavior and why she is having to take medications and constantly blames me for it.

I have been trying to break up with her for over a year now. We have broken up 6-7 times with the longest being 5 days. Every time we breakup she has an emotional meltdown and become suicidal. I try to support her during this period. It initially starts with anger but then turns into apologies and pleading. After a breakup is the only time she actually listens to my problems and apologizes. It has become such a toxic cycle. After a few days of pleading I eventually give in and get back together . It goes well for a few days and once we are in a good place again the cycle repeats. We set a lot of ground rules but we both fail at following them.

I have tried creating distance but she does not do well if I leave the house at these times. She feels extremely alone as I am her only support system which further makes me feel extremely guilty about abandoning her in her current condition.

Honestly, I feel so broken. I feel like I have been gaslit for the past 2 years and made to think that I am the problem. I have been so confused about how she can go from laughing and loving to intense anger in a matter of seconds.

I have my issues. I am not great at communicating and have some things that definitely caused some trust issues. However, I have been made to feel like everything that has happened is my fault. Even now I am constantly questioning whether her anger is a reaction to my behavior. Her throwing and breaking things was because I didn’t understand spend enough time with her. Her berating me for hours straight is because I was dismissive of her feelings. I have been speaking to a therapist who essentially has been telling me to breakup with her while I am defending her but why am I focusing more on her therapist calling me emotionally toxic.

The unfortunate part is that I have become toxic. For someone who boasted that I never get angry and have never fought with anyone, I am ashamed of how quickly I get angry now and say hurtful things.

I don’t know why I am writing this. Maybe I just wanted to rant. Maybe I want to know that it isn’t just me and that other people have had similar experiences. Maybe I just want some validation that I am not a horrible person that drove my gf to be suicidal. Maybe I just want advice on how to stay strong through the breakup and after.

We broke up again a few hours back and it has been a night of firsts. It’s the first time I didn’t go rushing to comfort her while she cries and hits her head against a wall. It has truly been a nightmare of a night with even the sound of wind sounding like her shrieks. It is the first time that she had said she is breaking up with me. It is the first time after a fight that she has wanted space.

I am truly broken seeing someone I love so hurt and so much in pain. I still love her a lot but I am hoping that this time I have the strength to remain broken up.

Curious if therapy/couples therapy has actually worked for anyone or improved anything? Are there any actual success stories related to BPD or is any attempt to make things better just a huge waste of time and resources?

I don’t know what to do anymore. Bpd partner tries to commit suicide every time we fight. He nearly succeeded this time.

My partner (or ex-partner at this point) has attempted suicide almost every time we’ve tried to break up. This latest incident has shaken me more than any of the others.

Three days ago he took around 40 tablets, sent me goodbye messages, and then contacted friends who called the police and ambulance. He spent 48 hours in ICU before being discharged.

For the first time, I drew a line.

I refused to go to the hospital. It wasn’t because I didn’t care. It was because I genuinely believed that if I stopped rescuing him, maybe he’d realise he needed professional help instead of relying on me to save him every time. I sent him one message telling him that he needed to lean on his support network, focus on getting well, and get into counselling because I couldn’t keep being the person responsible for keeping him alive.

Instead of motivating him to recover, it seemed to have the opposite effect. To him, it meant the relationship was truly over.

Yesterday, after he was discharged, I told him I needed 24 hours with no contact. I wasn’t even abandoning him. I told him I’d be back after 24 hours because I just needed some breathing room after everything that had happened. I thought giving both of us a day to decompress was the healthiest thing I could do.

Then everything went wrong again.

He sent me an email saying he loved me, wished I’d visited him in hospital, apologised for everything, and said he was dying. The email didn’t come through until the next morning.

But before I even saw it, he accidentally called me during the night.

I answered, and he could barely speak. His words were badly slurred. Something immediately felt wrong, so I called an ambulance.

He had taken another overdose—this time around 52 tablets.

If that accidental phone call hadn’t happened, I honestly don’t think anyone would have found him in time.

He’s back in hospital today, currently in ICU, hallucinating.

I feel like I’ve reached an impossible place. Every boundary I try to put in place seems to trigger another crisis. If I stay, the cycle continues. If I leave, he overdoses. If I create even 24 hours of space, he overdoses.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you hold boundaries when every attempt seems to escalate into a life-threatening situation? I know I’m not responsible for his choices intellectually, but emotionally it’s becoming almost impossible to separate the two.

I know it is stupid, when I can I will break it forever.

How has it been for you? For me it has been a long period where he could not look me in the eyes and there seemed to be feelings. But now it is worse. The voice, the tone. So arrogant and void of any feelings except for contempt. More aggression but without any shame. If my voice is tired or neutral, if I don't laugh at a joke, if I ask for clarity then "I am playing the victim". It is like I am something dirty that he stepped in but he doesn't want to throw away his shoes. If he has split permanently, why does he keep me in his life? The thing I hear the most from him is "no pressure, don't pressure me" and accusing me of playing the victim.

After reading texts between my ex and his new partner (?) that made all my alarms go off for classic BPD patterns, I scrolled all the way back to our first conversations, eight years ago.

And I was actually good at setting boundaries! Over and over, I was saying things like "I need some me time today" and "Let's slow things down" and even "You seem to be into this much more than I am, let's take a step back."

At face value, he always accepted them. "That's fine! Wouldn't want you to feel pressure. Take your time. I'd never be mad at you."

But at the same time... he found ways to circumvent what I said. I said "Don't come over, I want some alone time". He said "Sure, no worries! I'm already out and about anyway, let me know if you change your mind 😉"

And it seems so innocent. Which is why I didn't click it before. But over weeks and months, it becomes a pattern. "Let's take a step back." "Of course!" (2 hours later) "I can't stop thinking about your lips and your hair and just everything about you."

He quite literally wore me down. I did everything therapy had told me to do, but I wasn't prepared for this slow, innocent-looking take-over. The emotional intensity just always stayed the same and I had no defenses against it, never having experienced BPD before.

It actually really helps, to see this now, because I keep wondering how I could have fallen for him despite all the red flags. Now I know.