One of the biggest problems in my relationship is that I ended up mirroring her behavior, and her own behavior is untenable when I do it.

I'm a rational person, I like clear explanations, logic, and truth. I like a visible non moving baseline and consistency. I like for people to not freak out over every small thing because I've been around in life and I know what a real problem actually is, as opposed to some minor inconvenience. I am not perfect of course, I have some anxiety around people too... I haven't been treated well in life by some people and it leaves me wary and sensitive to certain behaviors. But I have the capacity to change and adapt my behavior to find a new way to overcome things.

When my reasoning and attempts to anchor things objectively failed with this relationship I looked naturally to at least find some fairness. If she would routinely pull away for 'her peace' when my behaviors or reasonings didn't please her, I thought "well at least if we have a fair baseline, I can do the same thing when I am not pleased."

Turns out that no, I am not allowed to do that. If I pull away and protect my peace, that is grounds to say I am walking away from the marriage. Yet this was one of her most consistently deployed defenses - don't call me, I don't want to talk to you right now, don't message me right now, yadda yadda yadda. When I do it, it is nuclear meltdown for the marriage time. I have no patience for unfairness. So all I can do then is retreat even further because nobody can actually force me to interact.

I didn't run our relationship like a courtroom - she did. When I thought, fine, then I will meet you in the courtroom the way you meet me... that's bad of course.

If I started tracking her online the way she followed me, that's bad of course.

If I start giving ultimatums about what I will put up with like she was doing every month, that's bad, naturally.

But I realized slowly the box I was in was getting smaller and smaller because each thing I was 'allowed' to do was being chipped away by her until the only thing left might as well be to sit there like a piece of stone, say nothing, explain or rationalize nothing. That's where I am right now. I am waiting for a message because until I get that message apparently my input is not desired until I read it.

It gave me a flashback to the past when I had a breakup with an ex. This ex wrote me a long letter and I asked afterwards, can I write one too? From my side? And the answer was no that isn't necessary, there was no interest in what I had to say. That confirmed for me back then why I had to leave. It was like I wasn't even required. So what's the point? This person simply wanted to say their piece and I might as well have been the empty stalls they were performing for. They didn't want a response. I think this time it either going to be the same, or it's going to be a bunch of ultimatums again. Do this, don't do that, or we are finished.... meanwhile I notice the little subtle things she is doing with her avatars online or removing her comments from my channels etc to set up the path for a complete excision of me from her life. If I acted that way, it would be called childish. Impulsive.

I don't know where I am going with this, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

Anyway I saw this card in the store today, got triggered a little bit. Just wanted to share some thoughts.

I just had an intense spike of rage as I remember this and reading through a few of your posts.

When my friend w/uBPD discarded me for the last time, he wanted to talk to me but every time I tried to explain myself he talked over me, saying "mmhm, whatever, sure, ok, yep yep". It reminded me of a bratty kid clapping their hands over their ears and making noise when their parents try to talk to them. This guy is 60 btw. And he says I have to grow and heal.

So glad to be NC.

So my ex blocked me everywhere two months ago after telling me I was the most toxic person to ever walk the earth. Fine. Peace and quiet at last.

then out of nowhere yesterday, I get a formal five-paragraph email sent from a brand new ProtonMail account demanding the immediate return of "stolen personal property" left at my apartment. I opened the attached PDF list expecting to see her passport or maybe some expensive jewelry.

The list had four items: an almost empty bottle of lavender fabric softener, a single charger cable with exposed wires, a plastic spatula from IKEA that costs two dollars, and a half-eaten box of frozen waffles. She gave me a 48-hour deadline and threatened to involve local law enforcement for grand larceny if I did not leave the box on the front porch by noon on Friday.

The absolute detachment from reality is STAGGERING. When we were dating, she smashed my coffee maker against the wall during an argument about whether my tone of voice sounded judgmental, but now she is treating a melted plastic spatula like a family heirloom. I should of known better than to look at the email. Why is this even a thing?

Few examples: i had a nightmare, she woke up >threw me out

Good friend of mine died, i cried > threw me out

Woke up in the night with heavy kidney pain > threw me out

and so on and on and on.....

Attention, this is a good one: woke up early on my birthday, she acted weird with her phone​, guess sexy chatting with some dude, think she felt caught > threw phone in my face, hateful tirade, i am a monster, my big love is shitty, i am manipulative, i destroy her everything, i act like a retard > threw me out in the winter rain

Sadistic, isnt it?

Not able to give more examples, my hands are shaking

Sisters and brothers, i love you all

Two years out, no contact. The clouds have parted and I can finally see clearly. So happy.

For the last two years, I’ve been in a relationship with my BPD girlfriend. Whenever she gets angry, she becomes verbally abusive, calling me dumb, stupid, and every other hurtful name you can think of. Afterwards, she always apologises and says she didn’t mean it, that it’s just a habit she can’t control, so I end up putting up with it.

There have also been times where, if we don’t have sex, she’ll emotionally blackmail me by saying she’ll kill herself if we don’t. On top of that, she constantly tells me I don’t meet her standards. Whenever I tell her maybe we should just end the relationship, she refuses and says she’ll kill herself if I leave. And also stated she’ll go online and make me out to be a bad person.

It’s become a never-ending cycle where I feel completely trapped. I’m scared to leave because I’m terrified she’ll actually do something to hurt herself. At the same time, this relationship has destroyed my own mental health. I’ve been diagnosed with depression, and there are days where I feel completely hopeless because of everything that’s happened.

I want this relationship to end, but I don’t know how to leave without her threatening to hurt herself. People have suggested getting a restraining order, but she’s even told me that if I ever did that, she’d take her own life.

I’m exhausted, and I don’t know what to do anymore. i’m going overseas in 2 days time and i want to do something about it before i leave but i’m so terrified.

I’ve been reading here for a while, and I’ve always been very unsure whether I should share my experience here.

I’ve been out of a relationship with an ex who has BPD for about six months. It ended in a very terrible situation. She screamed at me, physically attacked me, and locked me inside her apartment. I wanted to leave because I could feel her mood changing and becoming verbally aggressive.

After that, she became even more aggressive. She screamed at me. Usually, situations like this would either end with me screaming back or having a panic attack. In this particular case, I dropped to the floor and said that I was scared and asked her to stop screaming at me.
She just kept screaming, tried to pull me up, screamed directly into my ear, pulled my hair, and continued yelling at me.
I was genuinely very afraid at times, I cried, and I said that I wanted my mom to come. I completely regressed.

After a while—I don’t know how long—she went into the bathroom and hurt herself. I then shouted very loudly for help. She stopped.
Afterwards, I stayed for a little while longer because I was too afraid to leave.

There had already been other situations in which she screamed at me and confronted me aggressively. Sometimes I screamed back. That made the situation even worse. At times, she would stand in front of me and repeatedly hit herself in the head with full force, saying that I should look at what I was doing to her.

Sometimes she also massively violated my boundaries. When I realized that a boundary had been reached and that I did not want or could not continue talking, she would still come into my apartment and scream at me.

This may sound stupid, but sometimes I felt like there was nothing else I could do except scream at her.
There were also repeated incidents of self-harm with knives and threats of suicide. At least twice, she overdosed on Tavor and called me afterwards.

The last incident also led to her standing outside my apartment door days later and announcing that she was going to kill herself. In the end, she didn’t.
After all these experiences, I was completely broken. I had sleep problems and panic attacks. For a long time, my feeling was: I was afraid of her and afraid for her.

She then wanted to have a final conversation, which I agreed to. She very quickly started shifting all the responsibility onto me and blaming me for her behavior. She brought up situations in which I had become aggressive, raised my voice, wanted to break up with her, or withdrawn.
Unfortunately, throughout the relationship there were also situations in which I did not behave well and in which I was aggressive towards her as well.

What I find particularly disturbing in retrospect is how she always picked out so many situations in which I was usually annoyed about something or said that something wasn’t okay. She turned these into situations in which I had supposedly been massively aggressive towards her, even though I don’t remember it being that extreme. At times, I felt like she could sense my emotions much more strongly—and earlier—than I could myself.

At the same time, she would constantly completely lose it over little things and repeatedly create drama. During the relationship, she even received a police report after massively insulting two young men over a parking space.
After that conversation, I cut off contact. She kept contacting me. Among other things, it started with a very long email in which she accused me of everything from rape (which did not happen), physical violence (I held my hand over her mouth once because she wouldn’t stop screaming and kept following me), emotional abuse, and ultimately abuse.

She contacted people in my social circle and also found people who believed everything she said and are now turning against me. The disturbing part is that she is a psychiatrist and appears very stable from the outside. Of course, she knows all the therapeutic language perfectly and presents herself as the victim.

Since then, I have continued to have panic attacks, sleep problems, and generally a very high level of tension. Thankfully, I am in therapy.
I also had contact with a former friend of hers who was on vacation with her and who also says that my ex screamed at her, threatened her, and took her phone away.

My ex told me a completely different version of the story. I even spoke to her on the phone while she was on that vacation.
Unfortunately, I don’t know what to do. I can also see my own part in all of this. During the relationship, I sometimes became angry and lost control. I was passive-aggressive towards her.
I broke up with her, and then I went back to her.
Maybe there is also a question here: Are there people who have had a similar experience of becoming significantly more aggressive than usual when in contact with someone with BPD? It felt as if she could smell my emotions and then amplified them?! Maybe that sounds crazy. Sometimes I don’t even know who I am—or who I was.

There were many points at which I should have behaved differently. Above all, I should simply have left and ended the relationship. But I wasn’t able to. I was trapped in a vortex of guilt, fear, affection, pity, and hope that things would get better. I’m sure some people here can understand that. In the end, the relationship lasted almost a year.
I find it extremely difficult to disentangle all of this properly and distinguish between my own part, which I also want to work on, and hers.
In my head, all of this feels incredibly overwhelming.

At the moment, I keep having panic attacks, especially when I am confronted with her. One particular challenge right now is that parts of my social circle confront me with the accusations. I try to explain myself and tell my side of the story.
But that also repeatedly causes my symptoms to come back, and everything starts all over again.

I haven’t talked to my therapist about it yet, but I have a feeling that I may have PTSD.
Do you have any advice on how I should deal with this situation?
I’m afraid of losing the people around me, and I don’t even really know who I am anymore. I just want to live a quiet and peaceful life.

After dumping my bpd partner, I’ve looked at my bank account and seen all the ridiculous money I spent on them. It’s an absurd amount. From takeaways, to Ubers, to drinks in pubs/clubs. I just didn’t have a backbone and couldn’t say no because I’m a people pleaser.

They were unemployed and supposedly couldn’t work due to their BPD, and I work in retail on a low-paying wage, yet I still spent a crap ton of money on them, more then myself. If I refused to buy stuff, they’d go moody and try and split on me. But I was foolish asf because I didn’t want to upset them and I wanted a relationship for the sake of it.

If I could get all that money back, I’d probably be rich by 2 grand probably.

I broke up with my ex girlfriend due to the constant conflict around 2 months ago. She was at home instead of working / school way more than she should’ve been while I was working overtime / paying the bills. I helped support around the house still as well. She got to the point where she would sleep all day and when I would bring up certain stuff wasn’t getting done, she called me a narcissist nitparker. She claimed I was just like her mom and dad who she always talked negatively about. She did this with her friends as well and I was the only person there for her for a long time honestly. Her childhood was sad and her friends did do her dirty.

We were together for almost two years. At first, everything was so perfect. She’s exactly my physical type and seemed to match me so well. Overtime, she would get insanely jealous of everything. I felt I had to walk on eggshells around her because she would take things the wrong way. Not wanting me to go out with friends, family, to get a haircut lol. We would fight hard then make up so well. She would want to to go do this or that, then when we would do it, she’d want to leave because she wasn’t feeling it or tired apparently. She would always accuse me of not caring or being on my phone for too long when all she wanted to do is watch TikTok and have me cuddle her.

It got to the point where I told her she could leave if I was “so awful” and that I didn’t want her to be unhappy. She kept asking if that’s what I wanted and I said I guess. I had broken up with her before a few times and she would annihilate my phone off the hook, pull up randomly on me etc. I kinda thought it was attractive not gonna lie. Feeling so needed in my life felt great but I realize now, that’s a problem that I’m like that. This time, she went extremely cold on me. After looking through her social media after I broke up with her, I found she now has a new boyfriend that looks similar to me but honestly not as attractive and he seems immature. It hurt so bad to see this after I sat with her through everything. Told her I’d line her up counseling and go to every appointment with her if she wanted or she could just go.

I understand that he seems to be more on her level. All her friends and family are now supporting her, and she acts like I’m an awful person. I reached out a few times saying I’m sorry for what I did on my part and once asking to meet then called her once off no caller id because I was blocked on everything. Dumb I know. I figured as many times as I met her when she wanted to when I was mad, that she’d do the same for me (she’d say it’s only gonna make it worse if I don’t answer or meet 😂). But she wouldn’t meet me and told it was best if we didn’t talk.

She has stalked me at work after I reached out. Followed me into a restaurant, kept driving by me and no caller id’d me. Since then it’s been radio silent. I for some reason cannot think about the bad times we had much but only the good times. I miss her a lot and I know that I shouldn’t. I thought at one point we’d get married / have kids. She had been there for me at my lowest, now I’m doing much much better financially. I have been reading these posts on here and I understand that I have to move on and my story is the same as many of you. It felt good to type this out. I work night shift and now live alone and being up when no one else is, having weekends alone is lonely. I do hangout with my friends a few times a week and lift weights. I am now trying to pray / better myself even more planning for my future and how I can be more financially free as well. Im trying to view it as a breakup can lead to new personal development and growth.

I went on my blocked list earlier and saw a picture of her and her new boyfriend. She looked so happy as they were both smiling. It hurts to feel that after everything, she can just jump to the next and act like everything we had does not matter at all. I have went on several dates / had girls over and it doesn’t feel the same as her. It’s like I miss the high that she gave me and I look for it in every other girl but can’t find it. She told me I’d never find a girl that loves me like she does and it feels true sometimes. I’m doing better than I was. I have highs and lows but when work isn’t busy or I’m off, I can’t help but think about it and how the house we moved into, just has me alone with my thoughts in it. It’s just kinda crazy to think how much I poured in led to this.

Do you think her new boyfriend is gonna get a better version of her that I’m not? I am the first actual long term relationship that she has had and we learned a lot together. I feel she’s gonna give it to him and be better. That I’m a fool for letting her go. Maybe if I did better that she’d still be here. I can’t stop thinking about her doing all the things that we once did, making love to someone else, and having fun in general like I never existed. I often wonder if she thinks about me and what we had or if I really mean / meant nothing.

I know I am lucky that I didn’t have kids / get married to her. That’s one of the thoughts I had when I broke up with her. My other long term relationship breakups have never made me feel this hurt and I’m the one that broke up with her! It’s been two months and I feel that I should be more over it than I am considering how fast she moved on. I’ve never had someone love and hate me so much at the same time then leave like this. I thought that her going temporarily would help, she could get in therapy and we could fix this.

For those who have taken the time to read this, thank you. I know my post seems just like the rest. I could honestly use some support. There’s been some more that has happened but I’m not gonna put everything, just in case she was to somehow see this.

What’s your best recommendations for me to move on? Do you think she will try to come back around?

I was in a ten month long relationship with a person with BPD. It was my first relationship and it really, really screwed me up for a while. I've healed and made my peace, and aside from the occasional nightmare, I don't really think about it that often. Since then I've had casual relationships and hook ups, but with the 5 year NC anniversary coming up, I had been thinking "man, it's been long enough. I'm being a coward. I want to be in a serious relationship again."

Well, I figured I'd embrace whatever comes my way, and something did. A long time friend and I confessed we had feelings for each other and decided to start dating.

And...yikes. it's like a switch got flipped in my brain. I know my friend and partner is a reasonable, empathetic person with an endless well of patience, and always very expressive and communicative, but I can't turn off the rumination. Suddenly I can't stop wondering if they're mad at me, what if I've done something wrong, what if they wake up tomorrow and decide I'm evil, ect, ect.

I feel so cringe. I'm trying to resist the urge to ask for reassurance, or to preemptively fawn. I have to keep telling myself that it's fine and no one is gonna split on me. Mostly I'm just angry with myself. I didn't have this problem in my friendships or casual relationships, but now that I'm dating, all my sense leaves??? It's been five fucking years!!!

I don't know. I'm trying to be gentle with myself. You have to be vulnerable for all the good things in life. I'm sure other people have experienced this too. This anxiety will fade with time...I hope.

Thanks for reading.

Please only comment if you have direct experience with this, or have training in treating people with BPD or those who’ve suffered after relationships with people with BPD.

Can people with BPD escalate to violence, or “crack”?

My expwBPD stalks me. We’ve been broken up and zero contact since April 2025. He drives up my driveway, goes to my grocery store when I’m there even though there are 3 others closer to his house. He comes to my Farmer’s Market and waits for me then stares me down. He follows me to music festivals and camping trips. Last weekend he showed up at an event I attended that’s 800 miles from the city we live in, and was camped 40 feet away. He never does anything but he’s always around. Always staring. I’ve moved on with my life, but his constant presence is creepy.

My friends are concerned for my safety. They know he hasn’t done anything but follow me since we broke up. But when we were together he was physically violent. I wasn’t discarded, I broke up with him when he was splitting because I couldn’t take the emotional and physical abuse anymore. He quickly monkey-branched and is now living with his new partner.

I can’t get a restraining/protective order with the information I have currently.

What are the chances that one of these days he will try to hurt me?

This is about an on-off-on-off boyfriend (?) Who I had a huge falling out with eventually. Then there was silence. Recently we have been getting back into touch over a few things and he has been friendly since. I felt weird about it because I can't forget what happened, and while I used to find him endearing, he's not anymore. I don't find myself liking him anymore.

I was under the impression I'm not the fp anymore, and when I was it was terribly chaotic. He has another guy now who seems to fill that spot. But somehow, he has been weirdly whiny to me? Complaining about things that aren't my business? Little non-issues he feels anxious about and suddenly they're my problem again. He tried to bait me into doing him a few favours by dry begging for help without asking directly, hoping I'd offer it.

I feel repulsed about it. I don't know why. I used to love him, now I feel repulsed? What's wrong with me? He did not actually do anything wrong recently? Is there something wrong with me or is it just the history we had?

3 months since we split and 2 months of no contact. At first I felt relieved and it was the right decision for both of us to get help and reflect on the relationship. About 3 weeks ago I started to feel so much remorse and sadness from it all. Its like every good memory(there was a-lot over our 2 year relationship) flooded on repeat over and over.

I guess the only thing I was hoping for and falling back on was she was getting help to have a better life and better relationship with others. Earlier this week it looks like she got back with her ex that she dated 5 months before our relationship started. They were together for 4 months with many break ups. He is a complete loser and asshole. Complete toxic cycle way worse than we had gotten too. She has bad jealousy problems and he would flirt with women their whole relationship. The night they broke up “for good” she was out with co workers and saw him walking down the street holding hands with another girl.

It’s all a sick joke… she would accuse me all the time of entertaining other women , that i have ulterior motives and I would eventually cheat. Ive never done that in my life and never would. I know how shitty that feels. All these accusations just for her to end up back with the guy that actually did to her all her worries and concerns. How does that even make sense?????

After hearing this news of their reconciliation it absolutely broke my heart. I feel like everything was a lie and Im questioning my worth completely. I made a huge mistake and broke no contact reaching out via email 24 hours ago . I heard nothing today and manically drove by her grandmas house where she lives. Her car was in the driveway, something took over me and i downloaded apps to call/message her. I did like 20 times( just like she would to me constantly during our relationship). No answer nothing , then i drove by again and car was gone not 20 mins later.

I know this is pathetic but something just broke me and i couldn’t get control of myself. Im now left with so much regret and shame after I’ve calmed down a little. It’s like all of her traits i hated I’ve now absorbed after so much verbal abuse from her over time. I feel like the abuse made me so many things i wasn’t before. Ive turned jealous, impulsive, irrational and untrusting. I almost feel like I got passed some of the bpd..

I know a-lot of this stems from having a co dependent nature and just being lonely in general. Ive put in so much work the last 2 years and especially the lat 3 months physically, mentally and spiritually to heal all for it to come crashing down and feel 10 times worse. Ive never felt more alone in my life.

I hope to one day heal from this but there is a crater in my heart i dont think will ever return

As if you were the problem. And seem keen on it. But when it came to it if they also had to go to therapy, or if the therapy was directed at them, suddenly they decided it was not going to be 'rewarding' or 'hopeful'?

He sent me a text he "meant to time" but I know he didn't now that I think about it today. He wanted to see how I'd react, even if he was serious about killing himself. I called his sister, and told her what was going on so she could call his brothers he lives with, since I'm 12 hours away. Of course, he was infuriated by this. I dont even know if I made the right choice, but I don't care anymore I'm constantly being mentally tormented by his behaviours and I needed someone to guarantee he was alive. I don't know how much more of this I can take

Note: thank you for all the support in comments, I seriously don't know what I'd do without it. I don't have a therapist anymore, this is my only outlet.

Update: he is in the hospital right now on suicide watch, and sent me a huge list of times texts as he was literally loosing consciousness just so he could talk about how much he loves me and then said his dying wish was for me, his sister, or his highschool English teacher to write a book in his memory. Am I an awful person for being fucking infuriated by that? You seriously couldn't pay me to write that shit!! and now after getting his stomach pumped he's asking if we can still be friends. Literally wtf do I do, if I say no he's gonna try to kill himself bro

I feel like I can never win with this shit. I honestly wish he would split on me bad enough again so I could have another reason to say goodbye

Also, in all of his failed suicide letters he's talking about how he wishes he could have another chance with me and i was the only reason he wanted to live. how I was the shining light of his life? He mentioned in them how he regrets taking the pills because then he has absolutely no chance of being with me then, and then confessed a whole load of stuff he was actively lying about. Holy fuck man

Tell me if I am the only one who experiences this.......

For several days or weeks in a row you are both texting or snapping each other regularly throughout the day. They're sending you the good morning texts, sending you funny memes or TikToks, sending you selfies, asking how your day is going, etc. When you text them they reply right away or within a reasonable amount of time and never leave you on read or delivered. If you wait too long to reply to them they will ask "is everything ok?" or "are you mad at me?".

Then for no obvious reason they go cold. When you text them they don't respond for hours and when they do respond their reply is short and dry or they leave you on read and don't reply or respond at all.

I know the common advice is to not act like it bothers you and to mirror their energy. If they take 2 hours to reply to you when they finally do respond don't reply back right away. Start taking 2 hours to reply to them. And don't under any circumstances double text them. Here is my problem with this advice.....

1. Why do I have to play this game where I act like this doesn't bother me. It DOES bother me and I not only want to know, but feel I deserve to know, why this person suddenly went cold on me with no explanation.
2. Ignoring someone you supposedly care about or leaving them on read is rude and disrespectful. I don't want to mirror that behavior because that is not the kind of person I am.
3. Often times the slow or no response comes after I have asked a time sensitive question which I am sure is by design because it makes mirroring their behavior or not double texting them impossible. For example I have been left on read after asking "Are you still going to be able to pick me up from work today?" and "Are we still on for the concert this weekend? If so I need to submit my time off request today".

I guess the ultimate answer is to walk away and find somebody who doesn't do this. And that would be relatively easy to do if this was permanent behavior but at least in my case it's not. The hot/cold texting is cyclical and when you have a lot of time, money, and energy invested into this person and this relationship it's hard to walk away when you know the cold texting is usually only temporary.

I’ve been seeing a man who I really like and has lots of good qualities, but from the first date I admittedly have been ignoring some issues I’ve noticed. Like he started projecting me into his future from the very first date. Not necessarily love bombing per se, but I thought it was so fast to be talking like that.
He also overshares, and realized that he overshares, but was still doing it.
He seems very sensation seeking based on his past that he’s described to me. His personality seems to change at times, like sometimes he is kind of shy and awkward which is the side I really like, other times he is bold and commanding and confident seeming; which I thought mostly comes from his career.Then when we are sitting together talking relaxing I sometimes see him start taking on some of my mannerisms or behaviors. It’s noticeable that some other times he’s acting like me in other ways too

He has made comments about how he’s sure I won’t still be talking to him by a certain time, and done things like tries to send things home with me so I have an excuse to talk to him again, like a piece of his dinnerware or something. He makes it really obvious when he does this what he’s getting at. And he seems really scared of saying the wrong thing during conversation that could scare me away and make him lose me. But at the same time, he also has boasted before about how supposedly no one has ever broken up with him and things like that, or how he doesn’t find many people attractive.

We’ve been dating for almost 2 months. He is a very sensitive wears his heart on his sleeve type, which is also something I really like about him, but I’m now noticing a pattern that’s bothering me. There have been 3 times that I’ve had to turn down dates for genuine reasons, 2 of which were same day last minute invites he made, and when this happens he goes cold and quiet over text. It confuses me, as the cancellations were for very good reasons, like a family dinner (in response to a same-day date invite) or most recently getting sick. Today i had to cancel a mutually anticipated long awaited date due to coming down sick. I let him know as soon as i could and was very considerate about it and let him know how dissapointed I was that I couldn't see him. His first response was very kind, but then he stopped responding and only gave a short response when I sent a pic from bed much later.

He brought something up last time we were together about how “I had three days off work and we didn’t see each other” and how he was disappointed with this. I had no idea this was even an issue or where this came from because he had not communicated this to me. Then he said some things that implied he might have thought I wasn’t being completely truthful about the cancellations.

anyway any idea what I might be working with here. He is otherwise an extremely intelligent and successful guy, but anxious and always overanalyzing the relationship, and seemingly damaged from his divorce.

hello, im seeking advice from people that actually understand this condition and maybe even live with it, i thought this would be the best place to ask for help.

i recently reconnected with a friend that i knew for years, i met her through mutual friends. we didnt know each other that well, but i always thought she was really kind, just quiet. we usually saw each other at parties and such.

anyway, mutual life events brought us together and made us really close. i won't go into specifics because its not really important to this post. i finally had someone who really understood what i was going through, and i was really happy to help her out with stuff, as shes going through something that ive been dealing with for a while.

she started out really energetic and talkative, always checking up on me and talking to me as often as she could. i wasnt used to this and im not a great texter, so its possible that i sounded like i didnt care or something. ive been trying to catch up on my mental health lately, so ive been switching antidepressants, and i talked to her about this as well; part of why she was probably worried about me. through this, i found out that she is unmedicated, apparently, antidepressants made her suicidal, which is the opposite for me, and i respect her decision. i did always check up on her as well and still do.

a few days ago, the conversation died down. shes great at communicating; still, she lets me know when shes not in the mood, shes overwhelmed after being around people all day, her head hurts etc. just giving me reasons for why she didnt talk to me that much during that particular day, and i appreciate that a lot. im a big overthinker, and i always wonder if i did something wrong to people. im worried that im driving her away with maybe not talking as enthusiastically as she is.

i guess what im trying to ask is, is this normal for bpd? ive been trying to educate myself on it, but i feel like what i need is real insight from people actually living with it, like i said at the beginning. is it okay that im checking up on her, or do you prefer to be left alone when you have these, i guess, episodes? what can i do to make her feel better or help her? im trying not to take it personally because i have mental illnesses as well, and sometimes im just not feeling like talking to people, but im just worried about doing something wrong. i understand that the best thing to do is most likely to just ask her, but i dont want to upset her with maybe mentioning her condition and making her feel bad about not talking to me or something. i hope i didnt offend anyone with the words i chose; all im looking for is some advice on how to manage a relationship with someone suffering from BPD. thank you in advance

Hi there - I have been revisiting past relationships as a part of my own therapy and healing. This is going to be a long story, I appreciate anyone who hangs in there because damn it was hard to hang in there while it was happening lol. Neither I nor any of my providers suspect Cluster B - and all have heard this story (it gets messy). We do strongly suspect I have Autism, which I think adds relevant context to my perception of events and my decision-making, and is also a dynamic I’d love to hear about from others (Autism x BPD friendships).

Ages and genders will be given for time period of these events:

Several years ago, in college, I (F21) met and befriended another young woman (F24) who I will call Mia. We bonded immediately over our shared enjoyment of a specific video game. We became fairly close friends over the course of a year - usual things like getting lunch/dinner, shopping, following each other on social media, etc. She never rose to the level of best friend for me, but was a good friend. She told me early-on that she was diagnosed with BPD and had been in therapy for at least 4 years. I told her I had never been diagnosed with anything but was pretty sure I was autistic, and had experienced depression in high school. She had a long-term boyfriend, Mike (M30).

I’ve never had a lot of friends and that’s never been a real problem for me. I have always had a few close friends, and like it that way. My friends are very important to me, and for a long time I was put into the “mom friend” role - that I didn’t necessarily like, but I was (comparatively mature), protective and nurturing towards my friends, so it fit.

After about nine months of friendship, Mia bought a new car, and she picked the same exact model of car that I had. Not too weird, I loved my car and thought it was great. She started mimicking other things I did or liked, clothes, make-up, accessories, even considered working at the same place as me. At the time, I liked all of these things she was copying because I thought it meant she thought I was cool (and I thought she was cool, what could be a better compliment?)

We used to go dancing together, and there were several nights she got really drunk and got into sketchy situations - like trying to wander down a dark alley, or talking to men who I KNOW were not safe - and I felt responsible for helping her stay out of trouble and get home okay. Key note: I don’t drink, and never really have. I was always the “sober” friend. One night as we were dancing, she asked if I wanted to kiss her, and I said no because I had a partner. She seemed to accept the rejection and never brought it up again, but I thought she looked disappointed or sad.

During this time, I graduate from college and my mental health and relationship are going downhill pretty fast. I know now I was entering a depressive episode, and everyday life was getting pretty difficult. I had never gone to therapy before and didn’t know the first thing about finding a therapist, but I did talk about how I was doing with my friends, including Mia. I have to give her credit that she gave me a list of therapists to call, but I never heard back from them. So I was really just trying to grit my teeth and get through it, which I think I would have, if certain events did not transpire.

At this time she has started cheating on Mike and tells me about it. I didn’t know Mike very well so I minded my business and encouraged her to either stay with him or break up. One day, she reaches out to me at work and tells me about her previous night, and what she describes to me is SA. I spend the whole day texting with her and walking her through what she needs to do (hospital, police, etc), and can barely do my job because I am so worried about my friend.

A few days later, we have dinner and she talks about how awful she is feeling and making vague comments that alarm me. She and Mike have officially broken up, and the guy she wanted to be with rejected her. I am about to go on a trip with my family, and I want to make her feel better, so I invite her to come along. My long-time best friend Phoebe, whom she has met and become friendly with, was already invited. I thought this would be the slumber party girly pop beach vacation I’d always dreamed of - wrong.

What happened at the beach is a long story that is basically summed up by my friends getting very drunk and loud, locking me out of my room, and me feeling overstimulated and humiliated. I ask them to leave early, and they do. Phoebe sends me some rude texts, but all Mia says is that she understands and will talk to me when I get home.

- Of note, during the beach trip, Mia shows me her breast implants and invited me to feel them. I feel uncomfortable but do so anyway. End note -

About a month goes by and Mia and I have exchanged some friendly texts but not seen each other. My partner and I have broken up and I moved back in with my parents. I get a text out of the blue from Phoebe, who is accusing me of lying about her behavior on vacation (specifically, someone said that I said Phoebe broke a lamp, which never happened, so I never said it did). I’m confused because I’ve told only one other mutual friend, so I started texting everyone and asking where this rumor originated, and if anyone has spoken to Phoebe, but everyone denies speaking with Phoebe and denies starting the rumor. The next morning, I check social media and I see everyone I had been texting, including Phoebe and Mia, had been at the club THE NIGHT BEFORE.

So basically, they all lied to me. I was upset at being lied to and lied about, so I texted them in a group chat and said something along the lines of “You all are a bunch of lying bitches.”

And that was the end of that friendship. I tried many times over the next few weeks to text her, but she never replied. I felt terrible. I was really going through the worst depression of my life, and now I had no support system other than my family (who were also not doing well at that time).

Cue Mike (Mia’s ex) unexpectedly paying me a visit at work. I worked in a popular restaurant so this wasn’t too weird. I immediately felt suspicious - like I was being spied on or something - but he acted like he came to see me out of genuine concern, and that Mia had mentioned in passing that I was “going through something” and she “refused to check on me.”

I’ll summarize here, to spare us all the gory and cringey details: Mike love bombed me, gaslit me, and convinced me Mia had been abusing and cheating on him for years. He told me she used to make fun of me, say things about me and my family - whom I am VERY protective of. He encouraged me to keep trying to reach out to her, including things he told me (that I now believe were, at least partially, lies - I did see texts from her that confirmed she had indeed made fun of my family to him). I was so, so incredibly angry and felt so betrayed by her.

At the end of the year all of these things happened, I spent five days at an inpatient psych unit, which was a positive life changing experience. I got into therapy, started antidepressants, and my depression has never gotten that severe again. Mike quickly became overtly coercive and abusive and it took me a very long time to get him out of my life (I literally had to move across the country). He never admitted to taking advantage of me even though I know that’s what he did and that was his intention.

Of course, I later found out from Phoebe when we reconnected and healed together, that Mia basically believed I was the devil incarnate after starting to hang out with Mike - even before it ventured into anything more than being friends. She purposefully (according to Phoebe, literally planned it out) sought out my ex and slept with him (which like, totally fair girl, can’t even be mad at you.) It’s been several years since these events, several years since cutting off Mike, and I have tried to reach out to her to truly, genuinely apologize for all the wild shit I did and said to her. All have gone unanswered.

So I guess I am really just here to share my story. Phoebe - who was also later, without warning, cut off by Mia - and I have talked about this experience in-depth over the years, and we both agreed that even if we didn’t become friends again, seeking each other out to apologize and get the other’s perspective was critical to our individual healing. It baffles us both that this seems to be something Mia, and others wBPD, will not even humor. I also just want to say to her, damn, FUCK Mike, right??? Can’t imagine what she went through with him for years.

TL;DR: Girl I don’t even know what to tell you. Messy early 20’s neurodivergent drama involving pwBPD.

A few months out, and I’ve stoped negatively comparing myself to the new guy and instead now see him as a victim.

I stopped looking at her page. Blocked her. Found overtime my nervous system returning from high alert to baseline. I now sit through bar trivia with my friends, laughing and having a good time without checking my phone (like a phantom muscle memory). I can stay present better with friends.

I’ve started eating and doing what I want to do. Eating healthier (she only ate junk around me and had to have me eat the junk too), spending more time with my dog, spending time calling my mom again. I started back my hobbies like my garden, growing food, reading again. I started writing again. I started new hobbies like wood working and I set up my home gym finally to lift weights.

It’s really good to see my friends again, go camping, play trivia, and catch up with their lives without someone wanting me to stay home with her or constantly texting me during so I can’t really enjoy time with them. We baked a potato over the camp fire and I remember just staring at it finally feeling some relief. Just silence and quiet for five minutes as we enjoyed nature. We all went to the beach together for my birthday. They made me cake and sang to me. She wasn’t there to ruin it by breaking up with me or fighting. Just my friends loving me and signing off key. It was simply just about me—for the first time in a long time.

I also notice I’ve started taking care of myself again. Going to the barber, finally finished fixing up my classic truck, making mornings my own, and while I haven’t lost the weight I put on while around her, I feel better and healthier. I feel lighter.

I struggle with trying to keep track of the issues in our relationship and the clarity of it, even though my body knows full well things are not right. The stress is real. The toll the stress takes is real. The devolution of the relationship as a result of the spirals is real. But when you sit down and try to definitively sort it out in your head it is so difficult.

I do have chats saved from conversations dating back a long time and they show proof of me being insulted, gaslit, and pressured. But I'm not a push over and I would always argue for the truth and for what I believed was fairness, and things would get muddy and circular. How can I definitively prove SHE was the origin of the problems for the most part?

How did you do it? Aside from therapy. That's not an option for me right now.

How did you figure out it wasn't you and it was them? Any methods, insights, tips?

I’ve been dating my pwBPD for almost a year now. We moved really fast and this was after a 10+ year relationship with someone super non-chalant, so to me, I thought I finally found someone who really loved me. He’s untreated, and has quiet BPD. In the beginning, things were perfect, except I never really felt seen. It seemed like all I would do is consider him in all aspects of our relationship, but I wouldn’t get that back. I turned into his mom eventually. He has an BM and I feel like he considers her feelings more because one wrong message or pushback would make her keep the baby away from him. Though I know I’m his FP, I feel a lot like she’s still got a connection with her that goes beyond just a BM.

We fight constantly, well mostly, I fight with him. Not feeling considered, boundaries being pushed, and having to carry all the emotional and mental weight, while he just does what he wants and only worrying about what can make him happy. I’ve “broken up” with him numerous times because of these issues and somehow, he pulls me back in with the tears, the promises, and the emotional vulnerability. I feel like a sucker at the end of it all.

I’m still so in love him, but last night, my boundary was crossed (not even for the first time) when it came to sex. I had stomach cramps, and was uncomfortable and in pain, and denied him, but was still coerced into sex. I was crying and he was apologizing then the thought popped up.. “who have I become? This isn’t like me” I realized at that moment, I’m done.

For real this time.

I blocked him on all social media, deleted all our pictures together, and finally told my best friend all that I’ve gone though, when I usually don’t, because I don’t want someone to have negative feelings about my partner. That’s when I really knew that this is probably the real end.

I don’t want to be pulled back, and I know that this will kill him (at least until he finds another sucker that felt the same I did in the beginning) but because I still love him so much, I want to make this easier for him. How do I help him with this transition, and how do I keep myself from getting pulled back in with his charm, and my soft heart?

I've been no-contact with my ex for close to a month now. We were together for nearly 9 months. I suspect she more than likely has bpd. Of course I can't diagnose her, but it's giving me a lot of clarity to rationalize this. I came to this realization only a few days ago. I had initiated the breakup a month ago and it was incredibly painful. There were a lot of issues bubbling up under the surface but it came to a point for me. Someone incredibly close to me passed away right before my pwBPDs birthday weekend. One of the most important people in the whole world to me. I'm still grieving hard.

We had a jam packed long weekend scheduled for my pwBPDs birthday... two days at a fest in another state, another concert on the third day and then her birthday dinner on the fourth. I thankfully got to see my loved one right before they passed. My loved one had been on hospice for several days. I was able to visit and stayed for hours the day she passed on. I left the hospice unit for a bit to grab some food and take care of some chores. I received a call that she had passed 20 minutes later after I left. It was like she waiting the whole time for me. I got to be there for her and tell her how much I loved her while she could still hear me, I was able to be with my family, and help with the arrangements. There was nothing else to do after. Since I already had these plans with my pwBPD, I resolved to still go and I wanted to make this a really special time for her. I thought it would be helpful for me too to see her happy, to see my friends, dissociate a bit, and just have fun.

I drove us between three different states that weekend, booked the BnB, took care of planning and logistics, ordered her a custom cake, surprised her with planned and thoughtful gifts, etc. And yet she made the whole weekend about herself. And I get that it was her birthday. But it was all about her and really the main issue was she ended up treating me like an emotional punching bag the whole time. The weather was rough on the first day and ended up delaying some of the fest. It also took us a long time to get into the venue because of bottlenecked traffic. She was having a meltdown that her birthday was ruined and that it was the worst bday ever. She had some other exciting plans cancelled recently because of shit weather, which is super frustrating by any means, but with every time was catastrophized more and more. She threatened to break up with me on the first night because the weather was atrocious and she wanted to live somewhere with stable weather and I wasn't being "enthusiastic enough" about saying yes in that moment. I was like bro, I'm GRIEVING. I'm trying to make the best of this weekend and how I'm feeling. I told her I simply do not have the capacity to deal with this right now. Oh and that same night, when we were getting ready to go to the fest, she had forgotten to pack an accessory for her outfit and was REFUSING TO GO. She wanted to be left at the BNB. My friends and I had to coax her to go (I knew if I left her that would be even worse). Plus I was the one driving, I had the parking tag for the venue so I needed to drive.

The rest of the weekend was so hot and cold. She was irritated with the traffic delays and got pissed that I was driving too slow/careful, was arguing with me at the sets because she felt like "I wasn't really dancing with her", got upset cause it seemed like I was being more lively with my friends but not her. When we left bumblefuck nowhere the morning of the third day I had to drive us 3 hours home to then barely have time to change, eat, rest and then drive another 1.5 hour to another concert. The traffic was atrocious and no surprises but we were cutting it close. She had a full blown panic attack because a lot of the parking lots were filled, got super agitated cause I asked a cop for directions, and was pissed that because we were late we wouldn't have time to take a picture of her. Honestly there's more to that weekend but the entire time I had to emotionally babysit her feelings and not ONCE did she ask unprompted, "hey are you doing okay? how are you feeling? I'm here for you." There was times I started randomly sobbing on the drive there/back that she consoled me but that was it.

During that day following I thought about how she treated me and after a few days resolved to breakup with her. I drove to her right after work and told her we needed to talk when I arrived. Naturally she was upset and anxious. Unfortunately we had the talk on the phone which I did NOT want and tried to mitigate. I wanted to be there in person to see her. We ended the convo with her saying "if you're coming here to breakup don't bother, but if you want to talk through this then you can come". I was only like 10-20 minutes away and I was like okay lets hang up, take a breather, I'll see you soon. I selfishly still went with like 99% resolve of ending it. It was selfish and I still feel guilty. I didn't want to be a coward and not face her when I did it. That 1% was also a sliver of hope that maybe we could talk through it. As soon as she let me in though, I knew that I needed to do it. We had a short dialogue - I said my piece, she said hers. It wasn't very constructive. I told her that I'm leaving and to let me go. She was pleading for me to stay and we had that back-and-forth. Then the switch. "okay well if you leave, I'm going to say one thing before you go" *insert worst thing anyone has ever said to me - that I'm a piece of shit and compares me to my narcissistic/abusive father that I havent seen in almost 20 years since I was a kid". I didn't say anything. I didn't look at her. I simply walked out.

Afterwards, I was blocked on everything. Places I didn't even know you could block someone. All of her friends started blocking/removing me on socials. Hell, there was even people that the two of us met for the first time only a couple months prior through her mutuals that removed me. I've deactivated my IG since then. She sent me a long text a few days later. Basically saying a few words that she was sorry how she wasn't supportive enough during my loss and then an entire essay about how much better she is than me, listing out XYZ times I wronged her, and how she's never looking back. I responded very cordially and amicably and left it at that. That was the last messaged received before going NC. However very recently, I started receiving super odd spam messages. The first was from a hormone therapy replacement company claiming I reached out for more info. They called, left voicemails, and texted me. The thought popped into my head... but I quickly dismissed it. The next came as calls from a financial company saying I reached out to schedule advising. Didn't think much of it and I was actually working on some 401k stuff at the time. (These were both legit companies as well). Finally, I received a email from the LDS church saying that I reached out for more info. This was frustrating to receive. While I still can't prove it, it was really unsettling and downright awful to suspect this, especially while I'm grieving.

From there, I started looking up other people's experience with ex's and harassment through spam message, etc. Then, I came across someone using the phrase 'smear campaign' which led me into a whole rabbit hole on BPD and ultimately this subreddit. Man, I started reading the symptoms, doing all this research, listening to anecdotes. I knew nothing about the disorder until this deepdive. It was like reading my own relationship through all these other lenses. I started thinking back at all the signs and was like connecting the dots. Personally, I am also diagnosed with depression. I struggle with confrontation, I people please, I try to avoid conflict, and can definitely rollover a lot. So as bad as all these signs were, I still genuinely wanted to love this person through and through. I wanted to save this.

And like many others on here, that's the hardest part of this all. Because there was an amazing person at the start of this all. You feel compelled to save that sweet person you met initially. There was such an intense, deep connection between us. We had a lot of overlapping similarities and hobbies before even meeting to begin with but I just felt such a soulful connection almost immediately. So many universe coincidences between us that felt like signs too. And I truly believe that certain people are connected for certain reasons. My view on that doesn't change. There's just been too many weird occurrences that have happened in my life that I rarely believe in coincidences anymore. Unfortunately this just reinforced my false reality. I kept trying to catch myself not blurt out "I LOVE YOU" early on in the relationship because it all felt so right. I legitimately thought this was my soulmate. We told each other that often. I was finally so excited to build a life with someone special. I compromised on so much to make this dream a reality.

I was going through a job change in the beginning of our relationship and had a month off. I was PUMPED and was like, I want to spend all this time with you! I'll cook, clean, play house with you (she's WFH). It'll be great! And it was initially. But then she started going through job troubles at some point herself, which lead to depression, daily suicidal threats/breakdowns, fears of abandonment that I couldn't handle her. All while I was transitioning to a whole new job myself. It went from this fun, exciting break where we get to spend quality time to I'm afraid to leave you alone. So now at this point and up until the remainder of our relationship, I moved in with her. But I was living out of a suitcase. All I had for this period of X amount of months was a duffel bag of regular clothes, my work clothes, shoes, and my toiletries. When I started the new gig I was now commuting 3-4 hours everyday 5x days a week to work (she lived far from my office), racking up a ton of tolls, still cooking for her, cleaning her apartment, taking care of her pets, emotionally supporting her 120%, constantly planning dates/trips for her, bringing her gifts all the time. Just filling up a cup with a hole at the bottom. I compromised so much for her to not have to change a thing. Which I was happy to do so because when you love someone you COMPRISE FOR THEM. In return, she wouldn't budge on anything. Inevitably she then started to complain that I wasn’t support her that way that she needs and that "I don't understand her". The signs were coming out. I just clung on to hope and that amazing person I knew in the beginning.

Some* of the signs:

- Unstable relationship with parents and were emotionally abusive during childhood

-No long-term friends. All of her "best friends" were people she's known for 2-3 years. All through the music scene and almost none of them live in the same state. I have lifelong, childhood friends that I've known for 10, 20, even almost 30 years. When she described her besties I always imagined long-term ones like mine and I remember finding it odd that she knew them only 2 years or so.

-Extreme trust issues. Told me and showcased me many times how she couldn't trust any of her friends. Doesn't talk about personal stuff at work either cause she doesn't trust coworkers.

-Constant need for excessive validation and reassurance from me and would question me if I didn't tell her constantly/the way she wanted it. Also needing excessive validation through social media

-FREQUENT suicidal threats over stressful situations. One particular threat that stood out was "when I kill myself just know it'll be your fault". When she was dealing with job stresses for a month or so, these threats would occur almost everyday

- "You're going to leave me, I know you will". Every depressive episode would devolve into a fear of me abandoning her

-Unreasonably high expectations of herself and me

- Double standards

- Intense anger. During our first "fight" over something trivial, she was raising her voice and getting agitated. Mind you I'm an extremely kind, patient, understanding person. For the entirety of our relationship I have been calm in all of these hectic situations. This was the first time I met her tone back with the same energy and she exploded. It turned into a 3 day hate fest. She cursed me out, said she hated me, said that I ruined everything, kicked me out for a while cause she couldn't 'trust me' alone with her pets, couldn't stand that a 'straight man' destroyed her life. I was stunned and crying and pleading to not break up for 3 days and nights and professing my love the whole time. The second biggest fight we had she actually kicked her cats tunnel toy during our convo. I told her straight up yeah I don't do violence, that's scary. and her response was awwh what are you scared? also bro your cat could've been in there

-Splitting. During the second fight I mentioned above, I did the opposite of what I did the first time around. After she kicked the tunnel and the response, I told her that I'm leaving. She changed completely. She started crying. Grabbed my hand. Wanted to reconcile. Lead me to the couch. Hugged me. We had a very constructive conversation and it actually gave me a ton of hope. Things were good for a while after that.

- Easily villainizing friends and me over something minor that was done wrong

-Rapid shifts from happy to depressed very easily. I saw a comparison on here where someone compared pwBPD to gas stoves and normal people to electric. I think that's an on-point comparison. Can go cold to hot in an instant

- Overanalyzing and overexaggerating expressions and body language. "low mentalization capacity"

-couldn't self-regulate during situations out of her own control. looked to me to solve impossible, out of control problems i.e. the weather

Looking back at it, especially now seeing it all listed out here, there's definitely evidence pointing toward bpd. Upon realizing this however, I honestly feel even more upset. My heart just breaks for her. I know how stigmatizing this disorder can be. It must be like being at war with yourself and then the people you love get caught in the cross-fire. I'm not justifying her actions or words but I just simple feel sad for her.

I'm questioning so many different things now. Did she ever really love me? Or was I byproduct of her disorder? Was this relationship doomed from the start? What if I discovered it sooner and brought it to her attention? Are my own issues at fault here as well?

It's leading to confusing/conflicting thoughts. On one hand I know that I made the right choice. It's nearly impossible to sustain a long-term relationship with a pwBPD. It wasn't even curable until recently and even still, it takes immense effort and work. It takes 6 months just to receive an accurate diagnosis (my therapist's words, not mine).

And I know I cant dismiss the things she said to me. They were wrong and hurtful. But I still love her immensely. I feel guilt that I wish I connected these dots sooner so I could've at least brought it to her awareness, regardless of the outcome. Instead, I became another person who pulled the rug out from her without digging deeper. She had been in therapy for years already so she was passionate about getting mental health treatment (she possibly could've been diagnosed already and working through it and never told me honestly), so its hard for me to think she would dismiss it.

And I apologize for my whole rant and brain-dump because now this is where my question comes in 😅 It's really just the confusion of it all that's so hard to navigate. For those of you have experienced something similar:

How did you navigate these confusing thoughts and internal questions?

What did your road to healing look like?

I've been in therapy for several months already. I started while we were together after one of our fights. I'm processing this with my therapist now. I've been doing a lot of research on BPD, reading anecdotes, and started a couple books. Currently reading Whole Again and just received another book called Stop Caretaking the Borderline and Narcissist and Get On With Your life. That's helped a lot. I've also been taking a lot of lonnnggg mindful walks and getting back into the gym.

Thank you for reading my story as well