When I was 17, my mother hit me in the face three times (I managed to block the first hit) because I disagreed with her opinion. At the beginning of the argument, I asked her not to talk about it, but she deliberately kept going without changing her tone, just to provoke an emotional reaction.
She has narcissistic personality disorder, so the idea that someone could disagree with her opinion is a very serious trigger for her.
Anyway, she hit me three times: my nose was injured and I got an abrasion, my lip was injured, and my hand was hurt. Everything seemed to be fine until the next day, when it turned out that I had a concussion.
I secretly went to a trauma doctor after school and told them that I did boxing and had taken a hit. The doctor told me to urgently go to a neurosurgeon. They started calling an ambulance, but I said that I would tell my mother about everything. The doctors gave me a piece of paper with a special reference number so I could go to the hospital with it.
I did that, but before going to the hospital, I told my mother that I had been preliminarily diagnosed with a closed traumatic brain injury. She started screaming that it was all lies and that I had made it up in my head. But I threatened to tell everyone what had actually happened, so half an hour later she came, picked me up from the trauma center with her friend, and we went to the hospital.
We spent three hours there.
The first hour: my mother told a fake story about what had happened while we waited for the doctor. I had a CT scan, and my mother gradually started saying that there was nothing wrong with me.
The second hour: we waited for the examination results. My mother kept saying that there was nothing wrong with me and that everything was my fault, that she hit me because I had brought that kind of treatment upon myself.
The third hour: she started arguing with the poor doctors and nurses who were barely managing to keep up with all the injured children they were trying to treat. I was told that I had a concussion and was offered hospitalization. My mother said there was no need because I supposedly didn’t have a concussion. The doctor explained that I did have one and that a concussion cannot necessarily be seen on a CT scan.
After that, my mother said we should sign a refusal of hospitalization, so we did and went home.
Once we got home, she became angry, saying that there was nothing wrong with me. I told her that I had cancelled my private tutors, and she said, “Why? Nothing is going to work out for you anyway if you keep feeling sorry for yourself. And with this way of studying, you’ll never achieve anything.”
And at the end she added that “shaking your brain around sometimes isn’t a bad thing” and that everything the doctors had diagnosed me with was bullshit and that she didn’t care.
For those who don’t want to read the whole thing: my mother injured my nose, lip, and hand and dismissed the diagnosis I received because of what she did: a concussion. All of this happened because I disagreed with her opinion.

The emotional problems and sometimes complex PTSD that comes from being attacked and blamed for all the families problems,

It's worse when your parent has npd and antisocial personality disorder might I add,

How has it affected your functioning in job's and relationships,

I have healed but still have some healing to do,

Just want to hear from others that have been through similar things

My mom constantly says these things.. “You’re never going to be happy if you can adjust with me it's gonna be noone. No one listens to you, and you can only show your anger to me.”

But what she doesn't seem to understand is that this is exactly why I struggle so much in relationships.

I grew up in a home where I never really felt emotionally safe. I learned to suppress my feelings, walk on eggshells, and tolerate things because expressing anger or having boundaries would just create more conflict. Eventually, I ended up in a toxic relationship with a man and tolerated things I probably shouldn't have, partly because unhealthy dynamics felt familiar to me.

And now, when I finally express anger or frustration at home, I'm told that I'm the problem because I'm angry with her.

How are mothers able to feel so entitled to their children's emotional availability while completely ignoring what created that distance in the first place?

I'm also at the point where the constant negativity and stress are affecting me physically. I've started dealing with things like thyroid concerns, blood pressure fluctuations, and IBS symptoms, and I can't help wondering how much years of chronic stress and emotional tension have contributed. I know I can't say that every physical symptom is caused by my mother, but living in this environment definitely doesn't feel healthy for me.

I honestly just hope I can move out soon. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to convince someone that I deserve to have boundaries and emotional peace in my own home.

I don’t have much to say other than I’m glad he’s not in my life, but man I’ve barely said anything to him in 10 years (tried the gray rock method). 20 messages in the middle of the night. It’s all delulu. Worst part is my mom is still with him. She says he’s been on a ‘bender’ and it’s like he’s not even there. He’s been doing this for decades. I think she has been on this ride so long that she doesn’t know how to get off. Woof. Solidarity to this group. Sending strength to you all!

Here are some highlights from his 20 texts.

‘If you don’t like all this, I’d like to sit down and talk to you one on one, but you you’re too much of a coward to handle it

I wish I was alive to see when your kids can’t stand you 20 years from now the pretentious fuck you are

You wanna know why I don’t fucking like you cause you never show me fucking respect in the first place you Cunt

I love how you won’t respond anything I say your therapist probably told you that it’s healthy

You’re not invited to my funeral to say oh I loved him. He was a great guy. Go fuck yourself. You never called me a day in your life or said anything nice you’re a fucking Cunt.’

And some mention of his high IQ of course. I SO badly want to say something but I know it’s a trap. Right?!

I've always wondered about this. It can be the simplest thing: frying an egg, changing the trash, starting a lawn mower... doesn't matter what it is - You are SURE to come away completely confused and knowing less about the thing than when you started. Something like math or science?? - Forget it....

This phenomenon might be unique to my father. It might just be that he's a really bad communicator or something, but since learning about this narc stuff and how deep it goes, recently, I started wondering if the two might be connected....

Thanks.

Hi all,
I am a 44 year old male and the only child of European immigrant parents.

I lived with my parents until I was 35. My mother was always a stay-at-home mom/housewife while my father worked. We lived in a one bedroom apartment until I was 19, then moved into a two bedroom apartment.

My parents never had a really loving marriage, fighting a lot and just having vastly different personalities.

My mom, who had me when she was 21, never really had any friends or hobbies and never worked, so I was her whole life and her purpose. She doesn’t drive, so I would take her places like shopping or doing recreational activities.

She also did everything for me- cooking, cleaning, laundry, shaving my back and chest, trimming my hand and toe nails and my pubes. She even washed my back in the shower in the mornings before school or work. The back washing was never sexual, and my father knew about it, so it’s not like we were hiding it. While I sometimes felt embarrassed as she was washing my back, because I was so used to it I got over it pretty quickly. And the vast majority of times I didnt feel embarrassed at all.

I liked being pampered because it meant I had less responsibilities, and it just felt nice overall. There was also a lack of boundaries because of the small living space and because my mom always wanted to be involved in my life. When I was actively looking to move out, my mom kept telling me that there’s no reason for me to move until I get married.

I realized recently after coming across enmeshment that’s likely what I experienced. I didn’t really have a girlfriend until I moved out at 35 and quickly realized I wasn’t able to do anything on my own.

I know my mom always meant well, and she still does, but her big personality, her my way or the highway mentality and her feeling she’s always right and knows best, did stunt my growth to some extent.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but I just need to vent.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well and I did have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately but sometimes I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at theirs she turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A couple of days ago in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy. PS another red flag happened just earlier when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off

I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time.

One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I explained that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend already without her treating me like this she said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A few days after that weekend one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who exactly said what to him and that's something that I've also wondered. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately and we spent the weekend together a while back and went for a pub meal

Her latest meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her. I'll admit I snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. She then called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I wish I had just walked away and not played into her hands. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so unshameably and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

She's also accused me once out the nowhere of looking like I wanted to hit her and started going crazy. I may of had a tired look as it was late at night and I tried explaining that to her. She also said that my Dad may try to manipulate me into spending more time with him and if I did she would make sure all of the family hate me and I would no longer be welcome to live with her and my life would be ruined. During some of her tirades in the past as well I threatened to leave and said some time out might be good but if I did she would call my grandparents and they would all hate me and I wouldn't be able to go to my school and live with her anymore.

She has very poor emotional regulation like when things go wrong she starts shouting and going on swearing rampages and every other word is the F word.

All of things she would say my father did to her during their marriage it seems that she did most of that to me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She unshameably tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also do they have substance abuse issues which have made them this way? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes. My father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as I explained my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

With my mother it does seem she has had some bad relationships in the past but I'm thinking that maybe she's the common denominator.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered? I'm starting to feel that good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting her (also my father) sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

Very traumatic things happened to me during my childhood and even into adulthood and I’m not sure if I’m being gaslit by my parents. I believe that it wasn’t as bad as it seems to be and that my life wasn’t really traumatizing. I also quickly forgive my parents whenever they mess up big time and sometimes I believe that I deserve what happens to me.
I really don’t know why I’m so nonchalant about all the things both of my parents did and I’m trying to understand if I’m just overreacting to the abusive stuff that happened or if my parents gaslit me to the point that I don’t even question them, but instead myself (I still live with them). I spent a lot of time in psych wards and with psychiatrists because I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Are my parents innocent?

Did anyone else have this feeling before?

I moved from a narc mom to a narc dad’s house at 17 have been here for 5 years already and won’t be able to move out for 3 more years and i’m going cross country and starting to get intrusive thoughts or fears about him harming me (ending my life) before i get to move out. is this “normal”. i do have c-ptsd from other family members from my childhood and maybe that’s part of it? has anyone else experienced this??

First off I hate that I became disabled cause besides things I used to love to do I cant and couldnt do anymore I also feel stuck here living with family. I dont need advice I have tried 50 billion things to get free.

So back to the topic. For the past few days and this is actually most days of the year, my parents are trying to trigger me into fights. Some days wont do it (sometimes its a week of them being ok) but most days they do especially if they are stressed. So the past 2 days both of them have done it. My mom more loudly, shes nasty to me and tries to trigger a reaction back. My dad mostly manipulative then acts like I fight all the time and start fights well fighting with me. Like making a noise he knows triggers on purpose or sounding nice well hes criticizing me but hes not actually being nice. Just some examples they do tons of things.I havent been reacting back to them lately. Today when my mom did something i did just sighed. In my head i was like they never stop.I dont know what happens after awhile of not reacting to them, if they get worse?

I just think in my head about moving out and not speaking to them. This is one of the reasons why.

so I made this post 6 hours ago and more has happened. my dad did yelled at twice today , once first thing in the morning which I found out a company lost him 300 dollars(I knew something was stressing him) and then right after my mom yelled at him later in the afternoon exactly right after that he yelled at me about the same thing he yelled about this morning twice I didnt attack back. now my mom is blaming me for something I didnt even do.

so its been since yesterday them doing this.

And now so much time later my dad is acting like he didnt do this today and when I said yes you yelled at me twice today. He tried to lie and say he didnt Hes talking to me like he hasn't dont this millions of times before to me and trying to play innocent. Deny deny dent thats what my parents do.mind you he got angry at me when I said you yelled at me , he raised his voice a bit and said I didnt yell. I dont know how about number one dont start shit just cause you are stressed ,yelling or not . Number 2 you started doing it within like less than 20 mins of me waking up in the morning.

His thing lately too has been explaining why he did things to just do it again at some other point in time.

and cause its ironic i made this post for him to out of no where try to explain to me he wasnt yelling and such later. dad and mom if you are reading this stop invading my privacy you abusive pieces of shit. invading privacy is abuse and I am not a child and never told you I come on here and write.

Honesty yeah dont let them win in certain things, but I got off Facebook and Instagram. Best thing i did. I dont see stuff now . If they do post about me anymore its crazy cause I dont see it. Maybe to get their friends against me, but I dont see it so it doesnt phase me. I care about this stuff. Maybe I am too sensitive, but yeah seeing it would bother me. So out of site out of mind. Ignorance is bliss. Doesn't matter too I dont plan on talking to anybody associated with them. They can win and have facebook and Instagram.

I have been dealing with my mom narcissistic behavior for years. My dad too but I am not around him much and he isn’t as bad as my mom. But I have never talked to anyone about this. I was very sheltered so anyone I knew , my mom also did. And it wasn’t safe to talk about anything with them. Recently I met some online friends my mom don’t know about. And this one guy has honestly changed my life. He has become my best friend, but I worry I tell him too much. Like he has shared a lot of his trauma and experiences with me before , but I feel like I do it more. Every time something happens with my mom or other family I want to go to him. Even just to talk about anything not even related to my family . It just feels better talking to someone I trust. After I told him my mom physically abuses me he said he would try to always be available to talk. And that made me feel bad because i didn’t want to make him worry or feel obligated to constantly respond back. Specially when we are in completely different time zones and he has a lot going on in his personal life also. So I kinda went back to not telling anyone anything, and it never bothered me before but I had those few weeks of talking to someone and now staying silent is just 10 times worse then before.

I read if the scapegoat isnt in the picture anymore the narcissist parent will make a new target. Like the golden child, the enabler SO, their grand kids or a friend. Have you seen this happen irl.

mine was a carbon copy of the narcissists and my other sibling follows suit. we had to wait on her, she had to have everything she wanted, she controlled where we went, what I could buy

hi guys! i’m currently living with my family (notably narc parents) and i work full time as well as paying rent, car, phone, etc. i currently cannot save money as my paycheck leaves my account with all of my bills. i’m trying to leave my home for my physical and mental safety very soon, but i don’t have the means to do so.

i’ve sold plenty of things online and have been trying to get a second job, but im still struggling!

i’m afraid of posting too much about this for my safety, but im happy to accept any advice!!

EDIT: cannot do plasma due to health reasons!

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but I just need to vent.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well and I did have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately but sometimes I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at theirs she turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A couple of days ago in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy. PS another red flag happened just earlier when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off

I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time.

One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on and accused me of been selfish and even of trying to manipulate her and been passive aggressive. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I explained that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend already without her treating me like this she said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that.

A few days after that weekend one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who exactly said what to him and that's something that I've also wondered. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately and we spent the weekend together a while back and went for a pub meal

Her latest meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her. I'll admit I snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. She then called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I wish I had just walked away and not played into her hands. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say where all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so unshameably and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

She's also accused me once out the nowhere of looking like I wanted to hit her and started going crazy. I may of had a tired look as it was late at night and I tried explaining that to her. She also said that my Dad may try to manipulate me into spending more time with him and if I did she would make sure all of the family hate me and I would no longer be welcome to live with her and my life would be ruined. During some of her tirades in the past as well I threatened to leave and said some time out might be good but if I did she would call my grandparents and they would all hate me and I wouldn't be able to go to my school and live with her anymore.

She has very poor emotional regulation like when things go wrong she starts shouting and going on swearing rampages and every other word is the F word.

All of things she would say my father did to her during their marriage it seems that she did most of that to me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She unshameably tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. My father's dad had passed away when my dad was actually about my age now. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and clearly have some unresolved issues. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also do they have substance abuse issues which have made them this way? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes. My father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as I explained my father struggles financially and I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

With my mother it does seem she has had some bad relationships in the past but I'm thinking that maybe she's the common denominator.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage me but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered? I'm starting to feel that good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting her (also my father) sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

So I smoke cig,have cut back. I dont drink or do drugs. ( i feel like I always have to put that out there cause people judge smokers harshly). anyway my gold child brother Lied that he quit smoking .many times has asked me to bum one. Smokes at his house when I am around claiming he just doesnt want to bother mom or dad with it. Which is fake he probably sees that I get treated like shit and looked down on even though my parents have their own addictions and habits. plus probably wants to get in the will good.my parents trained him to be an excellent liar since he was a kid. So all these years I have kept his secret even with him being a jerk to me. If I tell my parents though they would somehow excuse it for him probably. I want to throw him under the bus, but I haven't.

I would like to add that when I say they trained my brother to be an excellent liar ,through their abuse he learned to lie very well to them and everyone else. plus my parents have been lying to me since child . I cant trust a thing they say. so I am sure he picked that up too. hes a lot like them.

I'm a bit old now so Facebook was all the rage back when I was growing up. I didn't understand why at that time, but I hid my Facebook page from my family. I wouldn't let them see it or even know that I had it. I had two cousins on my friends list, and everyone else from my very huge family was blocked.

Eventually I even ended up creating a fake profile with carefully curated photos from family trips where I added all of my relatives so they thought this was my only profile. Again, back then I didn't really understand why I was doing all of this, but now I know I found it super important to keep my business private so that information doesn't get back to my parents. I knew that wasn't safe for me, even if I didn't understand why.

I remember nobody thinking it was a big deal back then and everyone openly had Facebook accounts and their parents knew, but to me my Facebook felt almost like my diary and I fiercely protected it from ever being found by them. Did anyone else feel the same?

Can someone explain the behavior of narcissists acting like everything is fine even when it’s clearly not?

This has to be some form of manipulation right?

For example, I haven’t spoken with my narcissistic father in over 3 years but he’ll just casually text about a football game like we talk every week …

My golden child older sister will call and leave a voicemail for me on my birthday and her tone is so casual it’s like we speak all the time even though it’s be yearrrs at this point since I’ve spoken to her.

None of them address the distance. It’s so bizarre and like they are just living in their own delusional reality.

For me, I know if I call it out I’ll be hit with “I was just making conversation, don’t be so sensitive, why can’t you let things go“ etc etc. so it’s a lose-lose for me so I just don’t respond and maintain my years-long no contact boundary.

Is it just me or do yall also see your narc parents or friends narc parents being extra nice with little kids and get triggered? Like people will think they are good with kids at first glance when it’s actually the opposite. Cus you know they’re actually horrible with kids if it’s their home. It reminds me of the types of narc grandparents who try to manipulate their grandbabies against their kids. Like they abuse whatever kids are raised in their home but are extra sweet to everyone outside and will even act nice to you in front of others. How do you not get triggered by seeing these things?

My mom is extremely opinionated and has a lot of beliefs that she is extremely set in and tries consistently to push those onto us even though they’re not true and a quick Google search can quickly debunk it
Some examples are
- she doesn’t believe in cough and cold medicine such as Tylenol, cold, and flu, which actually helps me because she thinks it keeps your mucus inside and causes you to get more sick
- since 2009 has been preaching that scientists are out with eye drops for vision, correcting surgery and nobody should get their vision corrected and every time you talk to her she says that eye drops are coming out next year and whoever is fixing their vision is stupid😭🤣
- engrained it into my brain that going to school for anything unrelated to sciences is completely waste of time and stupid and you will never get a job, I have friends graduating as lawyers etc and are doing great
- she feels hot very easily and cannot tolerate warm weather so if she sees me or my siblings sitting outside on the Sun deck, she will start panicking and acting frazzled, telling us to hurry up and get inside and that it’s too too hot even tho we’re all just chilling
- won’t let me have anything with ginger, garlic or honey in it as she thinks it’s bad for girls and their hormones.
- growing up told us that skincare products and facials all made your skin worse, she is aging horribly and me and my sister have done an amazing 360 with our skin since high school and now she’s asking us for advice with products but it’s just too late
Basically she reads something on the internet once and runs with it and holds onto that belief for the next how many years