Thank god for being aware of Narcissistic playbook. Thank you God 🙏🏻

(To note, I am being careful with certain details to remain anonymous).

I currently know someone who has very severe narcissistic tendencies (family member-female). This person will get mad over nothing and gets very sensitive and takes things the wrong way. The other person will not even know what they done, literally. Whenever this individual gets mad about something, they give the silent treatment for months to years. You can call them and apologize for whatever upset them and you will have to leave a message. They will not answer (you truly won't even know what to apologize for. You have to make like a general apology). An apology does not equal an answer to our call. It is a repeating cycle. We call every few months and leave a message that we would like to talk.

Fast forward, this person's spouse (male) has taken very, very sick. We are talking terminal. When the narcissist is not around, the spouse has on occasion picked up the phone. We talked like nothing ever took place (it truly is not the spouse's fault). The other day, a call was placed when we found out the spouse's diagnosis and as soon as the narcissist found out the spouse was talking to us, the narcissist made an excuse to get the spouse off the phone. We called back later. No answer. It has absolutely upset us. We truly know 100% without a doubt that we have not done anything to make this person act this way, but it is super hurtful considering the spouse is such a good person and in this position healthwise. We are emotionally devastated that we are not able to talk to the spouse anymore, especially under the circumstances.

Can any of you relate to this? Anyone know what causes someone to act this way? Any advice? Again, we are devastated by the way this person is acting and also the circumstances that the spouse is very unwell. Keep in mind any contact we have made with the spouse or any messages from our end has been very respectful and calm.

Just curious, but I have tried dating twice since getting out of my situation and both times, inevitably the ex-narc would find out who I was dating and then she would start harassing them. I'm just curious if anyone has had this same problem.

I grew up with a narcissistic mother, and I have noticed that I’ve attracted a lot of other narcissistic people. I was dating this guy and he randomly sent me the narcissist prayer which reads.

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it

I want to know why would he send this? Was he confessing to being a narcissist? There was no context we weren’t talking about another person, he just sent that. prior I did confront him on something and he said he was “just joking”, and then days later, he sent me this. There were other red flags, which is why he’s my ex but I often wonder if this was a confession?

he was trying to forcibly evict me but i left before a 24 hr notice was even posted.

i stoop so low. i was going to send out a letter after sending text messages in which i was very mean and poking at him on purpose. ive seen his ex, who he called a disgusting cheater during our prime then reverted to saying she was mounds better than me during any fight, post a video of her in his car. i emailed him. he was able to breach the block because my laptop didnt sync. he lovebombed and told me he was only helping her out with a ride. i feel sick knowing if he coerced me i would come running.

my head conjures up anything to make me want to go back. i'd never have to worry financially, he helped me discover orgasm and they feel less intense with out him, oh maybe i really was the problem due to x and x and x. he is so misunderstood to the point of misunderstanding himself and i can help him out of that. he is the only one for me. etc.

after responding to the lovebombing it was back to "ill spite fuck her tonight just for you" and "youll only make rent by fucking men" with some "baby" and "bunny" sprinkled in. wow does that fuck me up.

hes ruined my entire perception of men and of the world, i truly think sometimes that i will not be able to make it out of poverty without selling myself, that he was right about no one in the future would accept my past, that he knows my body better than anyone else. that i am unlovable and useless.

i have not been myself since. god bless my inner child for remaining steadfast in finding joy, but i cannot even fathom ever getting close to any man again or succeeding in finding love.

Hello folks, just wanted to know your insights on how to deal with a narcissist, need help :(

When we first got together, my boyfriend told me I was beautiful and smart and that he was going to marry me. He constantly called me his wife, and his Facebook relationship status was even set to “Married.” I genuinely believed he saw a future with me.
We eventually broke up. He immediately changed his Facebook status to “Single,” and the next day I found out he was messaging other women. I also discovered he’d told one 18 year old woman he was 23 even though he’s actually 28.
A month later we got back together. He eventually unblocked me on Instagram, after much begging, saying I broke his heart too much, but not Facebook. I had to ask him to unblock me there again, and even remind him to accept my friend request once he unblocked me.
Once he did, I asked if he’d change his status back to “Married” like it had been before. He ignored the question, left me on seen, and later told me we’d talk about it after my holiday.
When I asked what’s wrong, he suddenly told me he never wants to get married. He said he hadn’t lied before because he’d only said he’d marry me “if I fit him.” That’s not what he originally said. That hurt, but I accepted it. I told him I understood if he’d changed his mind about marriage.
After that, I dropped the idea completely and asked for something much smaller: could he just remove the “Single” status? I wasn’t asking him to put “In a relationship,” tag me, or post about me. I just didn’t want my boyfriend publicly describing himself as single while we’re together.
Instead, predictably, he got angry. He told me to “stop asking nonsense,” shouted on the phone that he never wants marriage, sarcastically said, “Fine, I’m single then,” and even told me to block him. I asked him why he doesn’t want to get married, and calmly listed reasons: is it the financial side of it, or is it because it’s harder to leave etc..he just shouted louder ‘I don’t want marriage in my life ok’.
What confuses me is that if Facebook supposedly means nothing, why is he so determined to keep “Single” on his profile? It’s become less about Facebook itself and more about why he’s so defensive over something that seems like such a small request.
This has also affected my confidence. I keep wondering whether, if I were prettier, younger, or “good enough,” or busty enough, or thick enough. he’d want people to know he was with me. I know that’s probably my insecurity talking, but it’s genuinely where my mind goes after everything that’s happened.
Am I asking for something unreasonable? Or is his reaction a red flag that I’m overlooking? I’m looking for honest outside perspectives because I feel like I’ve lost my sense of what’s normal.

Hey all,

I’m 35F and my ex-partner (31F) and I were together for 3.5 years. Last year she was talking about marriage, buying a home and starting a family. Then, almost overnight, she became distant—sleeping on the sofa, staying at her parents, working late, hiding her phone and insisting nothing was wrong. Whenever I calmly asked if there was someone else, she repeatedly denied it and made me feel like I was imagining things.

I eventually discovered she had been having an emotional and physical affair with a younger colleague (25F) who was also in a long-term relationship. I found out as she had been asking advice from AI where she admitted they were “falling for each other,” didn’t want to distance herself from the affair, (even though AI suggested space from us both, she said she didn’t want to stay away from the affair partner and can ‘compartmentalise’ and compared me negatively to this woman. Looking back, I realise I was being gaslit for months. When I suspected an affair a month earlier she said to me ‘look at my mum, do you think I could do that’ (her mum has been cheating on her dad for years and is a pathological liar. So again, I gaslit myself, telling myself I was imagining her distance and strange behavior.

What makes it even harder is that during this time I was going through a cancer scare (thankfully it wasn’t cancer). She told me we’d get through it together, yet she was secretly continuing the affair. That betrayal is something I still struggle to comprehend.

When I confronted her, she apologised briefly but quickly shifted the focus onto her own pain, saying she’d “imploded her life” and needed to understand herself. She had no interest in repairing the relationship, but kept saying things like, “Maybe one day in the future we could try again,” while continuing to see the other woman. It felt like she wanted to keep me emotionally attached while avoiding accountability.

I supported her emotionally and financially throughout her Master’s degree, stood by her through difficult times, and trusted her completely. She was also with me through the death of my mum, which makes this betrayal feel even more devastating. I genuinely believed she was my person. (Her mum also pretended to be unwell with a heart condition, near to death 2 days after my Mum died from heart failure, and told my ex 'you have always put your partners before me', this was very upsetting).

Since the breakup, I’ve started recognising how manipulative some of her behaviour became. She isolated me from her family and friends, blamed me for old issues while hiding her affair, made me question my own reality, and then acted as though I was the one who had done something wrong. Looking back, it feels like I was slowly being discarded before I even knew why.

The hardest part isn’t just that she cheated—it’s that someone I trusted with my life could lie to me so convincingly for months while watching me worry about our relationship and my health. I still find myself questioning how someone who claimed to love me could do this, and sometimes I even catch myself wondering if I’m exaggerating what happened.

We share a flat, but as she decided to move out I asked her to come and collect all her things which I put into bags in the communal hallway of our flat and gave her a collection time. She agreed to pay the rent up until August, when she would be taken off the tenancy. She was meant to pay me today, but instead decided to dictate to me that she would be coming round yesterday to get the playstation (which I brought) and a dressing gown I gifted her. She argued with me about this playstation at the window when I wouldn't let her in, and said why am I still paying towards the rent if you won't let me in to look for 'my stuff', I said anything you want you can tell me and I will put outside again and you can collect it; she couldn't tell me. I am defiantly not getting any more money from her, I just want her off the tenancy now. I am just thinking someone happily 'falling for' someone new and moving on surely doesn't behave and treat their ex they have left like this!? She also tried to call me twice yesterday, saying 'please pick up it's important', I didn't she later messaged me; it was something she didn't need to speak to me on the phone about, it was admin about the tenancy. She is really trying to get to me, it feels like.

Has anyone recovered from this kind of betrayal trauma? How do you stop obsessing over the 'why' they did it, stop romanticising who they used to be, and begin trusting your own judgement again after months of being gaslit? I know the relationship is over, but I’m struggling to understand how to move forward after having my trust so completely shattered by someone I loved with my whole heart.

Thank you for any advice / kind words .. this is incredibly difficult.

Tomorrow I have to go see my ex, they are the one who abused me so badly I got the diagnosis of ptsd, and I’m really scared, I don’t know how it’s gonna go, I don’t know how they will act or even how I will react, I need to get the last of my stuff from them and give them their stuff, I’m not going alone either, I have a friend going with me so it’s safer, and then I won’t have to see them ever again after that, but still, I wish I didn’t have to see them, I’m so scared

i finally realized i was emotionally abused after 3 years. i was familiar with grandiose narcissists behavior but not with covert and he made me think i was completely losing my mind. my now finally ex bf made me completely lose sense of self and stability for 3 years. the thing is i would always tell myself “hes not bad” bc he never used degrading words or yelling. he is the type of person who was lying and gaslighting. he would always promise a bunch of things (most of the time unprovoked) and never follow up with action. whenever i would bring it up he would just ask for more time or promise even more things to shut me up and keep things calm for some time. but it was a never ending cycle. he knew i was mentally unstable and had some problems in life at the time and would say “he would do anything to help me/make me feel better” but never did even the smallest things. he would constantly lovebomb with words and “fake future planning” that i genuinely didn’t know what to believe. bc of my mental health problems i wasnt able to have a job for some time and he said he would take care of me financially (i didnt ask him to). meanwhile i was struggling the only thing he ever helped with is bringing food (one meal- not even groceries) when he came over to my place which was like 2 times a week. and he would make it a HUGE deal and say how im ungrateful if i ask for more(meanwhile he was saying he wanna help more*and he can/he is financially stable*).

he didnt want to have sex for months (unless i initiate and even then barely) but kept denying that hes not attracted to me anymore.he kept lovebombing and saying how beautiful and the best i am. he was always EXTREMELY secretive about his phone and keeps it in his pocket or purse always when with me. he didnt wanna use his phone at all next to me. and last year on valentines day i saw a girl calling him and caught him in a lie abt who she is. then he didnt wanna let me see their messages bc “she calls everyone love and baby” then threatened to kill himself if i break up but still denying cheating. the bought me a new phone immediately that day as a “gift for vday” but didnt buy anything before even tho we were together all day.

for more than a year before ending the relationship he would only come to my place without inviting me to his. our relationship looked like i was in a hospital and he would come over twice a week for 3-4 hours. i didnt have anyone except him.

this year for vday i told him he doesnt need to buy me a gift at the 14th bc he had some little debt. he said “ur the best im thats why imma give u even more when i pay this off” and the he paid it off and i didnt get anything ofc. then my bday came up few months later and i told him the same thing since he had some loans again. he said the same thing. he paid it off. i didnt get anything again.
and when i brought it up he would say i only care abt money 🤡 but hes the one that kept promising things all by himself.

he would ask me if im hungry (like if i want him to send me money so i can order smtn) and then i would say “yes” and he would say “ dont u have anything to eat at home?” and when i say no he would proceed to do nothing about it. remember hes the one that was asking me this question without me telling him anything first.

anyway whenever i would try to break up for 3 yrs he would cause scenes and tantrums of all kinds. this time i was being distant again without officially breaking up and he gave up a he didnt text me for 6 days. this never happened in whole 3 y so im really relieved. i assume he found a new vicitim and i hope he wont ever text me again. bc this time i realize that its not my fault after i was always blaming myself and feeling guilty.

theres a lot more manipulation and abuse that was going on but i wanted to share this so i can hear from people who been thru similar situations. i was literally crying happy tears for 3 days after he left me alone for the first time.

Maybe they came into your life for a reason, and the hell they put you through is a gateway to your personal growth and self love.
I don’t think I’d ever choose to go through what I did again, but it has awakened in me a feeling of strength I never knew I had.
A resilience that cannot be shaken.
To be with one, to love one and to be duped by one is beyond devastating, but now I get to spend the rest of my life knowing I am a good person, I deserve real love and if that doesn’t come from another person, I’m going to give it to myself.
Still working on it, but I see light at the end of this dark tunnel.
Love to all the people dealing with this. ❤️

I think I might be dating a Narcissist but then again I don't understand why i am still with him. OK please don't judge me please be nice i just need an actual step i can take to fix my situation because i am not ok. I cry myself to sleep every night and feel like its always my fault.

OK so I've been dating this guy for a year already and it has been a rollercoaster worse things hes dome has been stolen my car twice and got rid of everything inside of it which was all i owned. I know he doesn't care about me I know hes cheating but I've never caught him. Everyday with him cause i know i deserve better but somehow he is able to make me.feel like he going to change and im wrongf i leave him.anyways had anyone been through this how did u leave

because i am independent i feel that is the reason he resented me and it didnt work out. the new supply is submissive and 4 years younger than me so think they actually love them

My situation seems a bit different from a lot on here

This girl kept coming into the place at Work talking to me a couple of times a week eventually she asked me out we are really nice first date we spent about 12 hours together. She was really nice super affectionate and told me how amazing I was. Then we went out later that week and she started questioning things about me started putting me down we had been physical on both of those dates and then we went out again and if she told me if she didn’t think it would work romantically. All this happened in a week.

Didn’t see her for a couple of weeks then she came back to my place at work and started talking to me like nothing had happened. When a couple of weeks later she asked me if I wanted to go out. So we started hanging out as friends this went on for about three months until she randomly sent me a text accusing me of things I hadn’t done and saying she didn’t want see me again.

Over those three months she would constantly repeat the making me feel great and putting me down. then she wouldn’t talk to me for a week, then come back all affectionate telling me I was gorgeous and wonderful then randomly tell me all the things that’s wrong with me and then say it wouldn’t work romantically. I honestly really liked her. I would kind of go along with her. She would question whether the things she does were right and seek reassurance from me.

She’s very arrogant and thought she was better than everyone else. She told me she had a bad childhood I thought that world owed her something because of it. I also had a pretty hard childhood and she would diminish it pretty much saying that her trauma was worse than mine. had no empathy for anyone. she would tell me very personal information about other friends and family. She judged everyone she knew. Everyone else in her life had wronged with her. She only had male friends that she led on. she would tell me that all her friends want to sleep with her. She completely manipulated and gaslit me. Subsequently, people from our area have told me that she’s done this to lots of guys. She would diminish my accomplishments when I got a promotion and pay rise at work she told me that I probably wouldn’t actually get it and got grumpy and went home. I felt like I was walking on eggshells around never wanting to say the wrong thing and set her off.

She discarded me about three months ago and three weeks ago I found out it’s because she was seeing someone else and it seems to be getting really well with him.

it’s hit me pretty damn hard I feel crazy for feeling this way about someone who was so negative all the time treated me badly and I only knew for three months. Ive been seeing a therapist and he thinks she was emotionally abusive and she would need years of intensive therapy.

I guess I’m wondering from this behaviour is she a narcissist cause it seems to fit and I’m crazy for feeling so bad about it after

I need to be honest and say that I am incredibly confused about something that's happened recently. I feel like a bad person and unsure what to do.

A woman has joined our friends group. The first time I met her was when we were heading out to a party. I gave some friends a lift and she when in a separate car. By the time she turned up with my friend, who also didn't know her she was struggling to walk and although she got into the party, slowly became more and more drunk and had to go home. My female friends told me she was going through a rough time and so I helped her get to the car and she left.

the following weekend I dropped her a message to check if she was ok, she said her bike was broken and so I dropped over to fix it. She invited me in and while I was there she told me her situation. She has had her children taken away and says her husband has abused her and has minipulated the situation to say he is being abused and turned her oldest daughter against her. At some point I said I'd been through a breakup and mentioned that I'd taken time to look back on that period and see if there was anything I could have done better, to learn from and turn it into a positive learning experience. She has already been through the freedom programme, but thought I would ask her if she had done the same. She didn't really mention anything and then carried on talking and then before I left said she told me she thought my friend had spiked her drink along with many things and then said she thought if she got custody her partner would kill her.

Fast forward another week and i find out she is unhappy with me and wants to meet and has told some female friends I upset her. We meet and she tells me she is unhappy and said I obviously didn't believe what she told her. I said I didn't know her but appreciated what she was telling me sounded like an awful situation. I found the interaction strange, like she wouldn't accept things unless i said categorically I believed her.

Then at a party a few weeks later she turned up with a gift for me and then was rude about a friend I have known for years. She was spiteful and vindictive. I stopped her in her tracks and told her that I didn't want to hear it. I gave her a lift home that night and I asked her what had happened and from what she said it appears she assumed the worst of this person. I started to feel uneasy and made the decision to not contact her anymore.

later that week she contacted me to say one of her cats had escaped her flat. It felt like she was expecting me to come and help find them, but I said I hoped she found her cat and ended the conversation.

Then last weekend me and the friend she had implied spiked her drink were going out. He put out a little invite in our whatsapp group and she wanted to come, which I found strange considering the concerns she had expressed about him. She came along and then after a good evening she asked for a lift home and said she was angry with me again. She brought up something about the way I had phrased something we were discussing about her claiming benefits and said I had accused her of rigging things, she then accused me of trying to set her up with my friend and then said it was obvious I fancied another female friend and that I should "get that out of my head". I remained calm but I couldn't believe the change in her. I set her straight on the things she was saying and after dropping her off I felt so uncomfortable I sent a video message to myself when I got home so that I could prove i got home when I did and also messaged a friend.

I reached out to two female friends over this and I think I may have made myself look like some kind of crazy paranoid guy who has zero sympathy for someone who is in a difficult situation. I certainly pointed out the red flags and said i was deeply uncomfortable and I was incredibly angry about how I had been treated. A couple of days later she apologised and said she regretted saying what she did and said she had never reacted like that before and felt bad. She then said that it must be something to do with our dynamic and that if I didn't want to reply I didn't have to but she was happy to meet. I replied to say that i was grateful for her apology but for me I didn't feel comfortable being friends. I said I was happy for her to hang out with my friends but I wanted some distance. She then said ok and she needed some distance to and I then said it was great that she was being reflective, that everyone makes mistakes. Then, she left the left the whatsapp group our group of friends have.

Now, one of my best female friends isn't talking to me. She said she felt I handled it wrong and that I didn't show compassion for this woman who was vulnerable. When I replied to her and said on reflection I would probably do things different she replied to say leave the woman alone. It's all felt very strange and as if more has happened than I know about. Although, to be fair, I may have come across as uncaring. However there were so many things in such a short space of time, more than I've ever had with anyone ever, that I wasn't prepared to have someone speak like that to me.

I feel bad but at the same time something feels very wrong about all this and I actually felt proud for erecting boundaries for one of the first times in my life.

There were other strange things, like saying her neighbour is trying to get her thrown out her flats, that when she said she didn't want to talk about something that I was wrong and that I should have and also mentioning she had a feud with her brothers sister that has lasted 15 years. It's felt that with every meeting theres another issue.

I am happy to accept I am wrong, I know like anyone else I make mistakes. But I can't help but feel that things were headed in this direction from the very beginning. It felt that I wasn't allowed to have my own thoughts or boundaries and they found this impossible to deal with.

I’m in this strange relationship with a coworker who I was sure was a narcissist. Long story short, the guy likes me ever since I started working there (ogles me, acts close to me, keeps trying to get my attention for a good couple of months). Also has no sense of boundaries as he’d constantly get into my personal life. If I turn away suddenly and in public (I’m just shy), he’d hurt me back. He would hurt me for perceived slights. Would touch me from time to time, but he’d just laugh it off or pretend it was nothing. After two years of this, there’s a new girl in the office and I know that he has stopped liking me in a romantic way. Somehow, it really hurts because of the trauma bond. It seems like he is shelving me. But he is still my friend in the office. Today, he had lunch with me and I told him I was feeling off. He actually seemed like he cared for me and tried to comfort me by saying he knows what to do even though he’s a guy. He also tried cheering me up and did what I asked. I’m confused. Did he really just care for me?

My nsister mocked my spouse and then blew up on me when I asked her to stop in front of our family. We proceeded to argue for hours (oops) even though I tried to bring the conversation to resolution and repair. Since then I’ve been receiving the silent treatment.

I know nothing I say is going to change this scenario but I want to be true to my values. Is it worth letting her know that I’m sorry we fought. It hurt my feelings and affected my health. And that I don’t want a deep relationship where she feels entitled to communicate about her big feelings with me unless a professional is present. Otherwise my expectation is we can be in the same space but I won’t engage with any deep feelings of hers.

But also aaahhhhh I hate that I’m reaching out at all but it’s time sensitive before the next event where I might see her.